KiRinZero

Male Dominant, 46, NWA, Arkansas

Female Submissive, 56, triad, North Carolina

Female Submissive, 22, Melbourne

Well, I was looking back over my profile and noticed that there needed to be some changes.  Last year I came in contact with my father for the first time since I was 18 months old.  It's remarkable the similiarities that we share; he is almost exactly the way I thought he would be.  I have questioned as to whether or not people's personalities are governed by our genes or by society.  Part of this questioning came from the fact that my mother and I think so much differently on so many issues; the other part comes from just the fact that I'm a naturally curious person lol.  After having the chance of meeting my father and talking to him, I would have to say that (at least for my experience) 90% of our personality is governed by our genes.  For about 28 years of my life I have had no contact with my father what so ever; only a photo and some spiteful words from my mother.  Yet, my father and half siblings (2 brothers and a sister that I never knew I had) share the same religious point of view, share similiar interest in art and science, and even share the same sense of humor and curiosity level.  Amazing, I certainly would have never guessed the amount of commonality.  I had previously put in my profile that I was part mexican, I assumed this cause my father and his father etc. were born in Mexico.  Although I had never felt any real connection with the Mexican culture, but more of a connection with the Spanish culture.  To my astonishment my father informed me that our family heritage had been that of purely Basque lineage until his father married his mother who was caucasian (from Texas) and that we have no mexican blood in us at all.  I have nothing against mexicans or from any other culture; I judge people on how they interact with me irregardless of their heritage.  If someone is rude and crass to me then I write them off as someone not to associate with.  So, my point is, I have made some corrections to my profile and if someone notices that something was removed or changed it's because of new information that I have received about myself and not because I'm trying to hide something.  Please feel free to talk to me; I'm usually up for a good conversation.

Well, that lasted almost 2 years. (Knew I shouldn't have gotten married. lol)  Well, I'm back on the prowl, as it were.  Trust has to be my number one thing; which I'm glad that most people in this community understand much better than the freakin vanillas.  So, I'll be on more often, please talk to me if you feel the need, I'm a pretty open person.  Also, I am intolerably helpful. lol  I'm a journeyman electrician licensed by the state of Texas, so if someone needs some help with stuff let me know; unlike most I will not do a rush job (the perfectionist in me keeps that in check. lol).  In the face of duress, look to laughter as a source of comfort.

Well surprisingly enough, I am now married. lol  She's an awsome woman, and I'm very lucky to have found her.  I'll probably be out of the scene for a while, or may abandon it all together (it was a little boring anyways. lol). I hope everyone can find their happy place; I know I have.

Gee, I feel strangely compelled to add to my desultory journal. lol I had an interesting talk with a couple (who by their very nature were interesting unto themselves) who were both doms (although that's not even the half of it lol.); who were talking about there differences.  I'd also like to point out that this is one of the very reason I enjoy being within such a "alternative society".  The guy, very much liked having to assert himself on a regular basis to whatever sub he happened to have at the time; while the lady, was just the opposite.  Her reasonning (and mine as well), is that if someone is interested in being a sub for her then they need to say so and be a sub without having to be dominate every minute of every day (which we both agreed gets really old very fast).  I throughly enjoy meeting people like this as it helps better define who I am and the type of person that I enjoy being involved with; it also helps me see where I have gone awry with my past relationships.  A good example would be my ex; (obviously since we didn't work out. lol) she (although this was long before I ever entered into the "community") was a submissive type person who wanted to be "challanged"/put in her place every freakin day.  The moment that I would relax and let her get away with something the more that she would try to find to get away with, and then to hell with me if I attempted to correct the situation because it wasn't corrected the first time.  Now for me, this type of relationship is too much work; I have to deal with bs all day and bust my hump at work; I sure as hell don't need to deal with MORE BS at home.  I think that life is a little too short to have to be an ahole 24/7.  Sure I like to slap the subs around, but not on the hour every hour (lol JUST KIDDING, I would never condone violence to another person; though I'd like to sometimes (now play time is a different matter). ROFL).  Hmm, well was thinking of more to say, but maybe I'll save that for next time. ciao :)

I am back on the prowl (as it were lol); though have gained a valuable new friend in the process.  For the moment we have decieded it best to remain friends, and let the future be as it always is, a curious unknown.

I have recently met a very wonderful lady (Devotion4U).  She is just about the best person that I could have hoped to have in my life.  Our time together was a great success, and we have made plans for future encounters.  There will be some adjustments to be made, but I feel that the best relationships are the ones that you both work the hardest for.  We have both had to pay our dues in life, and now it's time for the rewards to be given out.  Let the Games Begin!!!. lol

For those of you who have read my original profile (like all two of you, lol), you might have remembered that I had stated that I had 2 cats that I loved and adored.  Unfortunately, I had to give them up to a better place; they were in dire need of more socialization than I was able to give them.  That situations was not fair to them; they did the best they could with the little time that I was able to be with them.  On a happier note, I now am a proud owner of a new sub devotion4u ; I will refrain from using the term slave as she has her own free will (and will continue to keep that).  Although, the ties of committment are developing fast between us even as this is being posted.  The communication between us has been absolutely phenomenal as is the similiar points of interest.  She is everything that I have been looking for as far as intelligence, beauty, compassion, patience, and the desire to learn and grow with me.  I am deeply honored by her interest in submitting to me, and will attempt to be the best (perfection is: work in progress) dom/master that I can possibly to her.  I wish everyone else good luck in their search for the ones that will make them happy.

Ahh rain; perfect for my current state of mind/emotions.  I tend to study myself and examine who I am and why quite often.  I have a difficult time with rejection, because I have had so few times of acceptance.  So, often times my thoughts lie along the lines of, "why should I bother attempting to meet people when they will just eventually leave if they even give a half hearted try to begin with?" lol  So, from fear of rejection, I often times embrace avoidance, and thus heighten my state of anti-socialism.  Which is viewed with nervous skepticism by the majority of society; which further alienates me. lol  Sortof the pebble rolling down the mountain creating the landslide effect (or for those interested in chaos: the butterfly flapping it's wings creating a hurricane effect). lol  Although the emotional energy generated seems to be stronger than that of the physical energy generated.  In understanding this, I relate that it is very difficult for me to reject someone else; for the simple reason that I don't want other people to feel lack of acceptance.  In other words, even if I am in a bad relationship it is difficult for me to let go from that relationship; even if it is for the benefit of both parties.  In doing so, I often have to question myself as to whether or not I have done what is right, or have I simply made a rash decision without being able to find an alternative solution.  Although, if both parties are unable or unwilling to accept a change of mind (an impasse), then how can there be an alternative?  An example would be (since I can't think of a really good one. lol) if one person wanted to pick up a ball and move it and the other person wanted the ball to stay where it was without it being picked up.  If it was possible, I would pick up the ball and also leave it where it was, so that both people could be accepted for their beliefs as to the disposition of the ball. lol  Shortly there after, I will rule the universe and make sure everyone is happy and the laws of physics and philosophy will be shortened to, "Because I said so"; isn't it great to be king? lol  Many years ago, a co-worker asked me a question that I continue to roll over in my mind, "Do you want to be loved or feared?"  My answer was and still is, "I want to be loved."  His response to that was, "Then you will always be hurt."

Well, I am not posting more NC stories just yet (I promise you, the hell hole nightmares will never go away. :D).  Today, I'd like to talk about narrow, simple, or closed minded people (take your pick; they are pretty much the same. lol).  Today at work, I had a rather short conversation with just such an individual.  I am hopefully sure (fingers crossed) that the people in this type of community are a little more liberal with their thoughts in more than one or two regards.  The co-worker stated that while he was in the military that he was expected to dig a ditch during the heat of the Texas summer wearing wool socks with his boots, t-shirt, long sleeve shirt, and jacket (I'm assuming pants though dared not to ask. lol).  At which, I commented that I would not have done such a thing (though not in as many words; actually I only used 2. lol)  He said that I would not have had a choice.  Of course, my response was that I did have a choice; I could have quit.  He stated that you can't just quit the military or they would throw you in jail, and that they had him digging the ditch to build discipline.  He also stated that he had to appear ready to do the ditch digging each day with shiny boots and pressed shirt and pants (which answered the pants question. lol). I stated that the military will have you do stupid stuff just to see if you will do it.  His statement was that they did not do that and that since I have not been in the military I couldn't talk about it.  Now, this last statement is really what irritated me.  Even though I have never done something; doesn't mean that I can't talk about it, or don't know what I'm talking about.  (And now for the example portion of the Rant. lol) I've never done illegal drugs, but I think I've read enough about them to know that it wouldn't be a good idea to try them (heck even some legal drugs aren't good to take. lol).  I've never been a politician, but I'm pretty sure that Bush is an idiot.  I've never been a female, however, I'm pretty sure I fully understand the amount of pain a woman has to go through to have a baby (and I am definitely not interested in giving it a try; I have watched plenty of discovery channel shows to see what it's like).  Guess people shouldn't be talking about Heaven; cause I'm pretty sure that noone has been there for an extended period of time.  Also, unless you're from the middle east you can't talk about what's going on over there.  You say that you've never lived in the Ocean?  Well, guess you can't talk about anything going on there as well.  I've never been to the artic so I can't say much about the ice bergs melting.  So, my point is, just because someone has never done something doesn't mean that they don't know what they are talking about.  Through the little life that I have lead so far, I have come to understand that the military does make you do stupid stuff just to see if you will do it; so that they can impose upon the idea of being totally submissive to another person (in this case someone of higher rank).  I have mixed feelings about the military (the same as I have mixed feelings about religion); I understand the purpose for it and would by no means want to get rid of it.  However, I don't agree with being a mindless servant to anyone (guess that's why I'm a dom huh? lol).  Though, I do understand that (to a point) it is a necessity to have such individuals (you can't have a planet full of leaders, or if you did it would be a very short lived race cause nothing would get done as everyone would be telling someone else to do it. lol). Hence, this is one of the reasons why I never joined the military, cause I knew I'd have problems with it (I need a rational reason why I should do something; Having shiny boot, pressed shirt and pants to dig a ditch during military operations to me is NOT rational.  Along with wearing wool socks and a jacket; though if you had cotton socks under the wool socks I could understand (though I learned the how's and why's to do that in my camping days).  However, I think I'd ditch the jacket and t-shirt unless they had some super secret power that was vital to digging a ditch. lol).  Though I didn't ask it, I thought about asking him if he kept his boots shiny, and his shirt and pant pressed during his tour of duty.  I will be highly shocked if he did, as I have NEVER seen or heard of someone shinning their boots during a war time event (I'm not talking about office personnel either).  Being a hardcore camper type, I would find it VERY unneccessary to carry shoe polish and clothes iron out on the trail (I would definitely not carry those things into a combat situation either).

ughh, work has been unrelenting, but that's good cause it means that I'm making money (just don't have time to do anything else :P ).  Was listening to Bjork and heard a song that I liked "I miss you".... I miss you, but haven't met you yet.....I know your habits, but I haven't met you yet.................... It's oooo so true. lol  I met a woman the other day, and after talking I found out that she and lived in North Carolina (the state from hell as I like to call it after living there for 3 years), though she grew up there and thoughrly enjoyed it.  Now I could go on and on about how awful North Carolina is, but I'll just talk about the food for now.  Barbecue it's a verb that means "to grill over an open fire, usually of charcoal, often adding a highly seasoned sauce to the food." quotation taken from Chambers Dictionary copyright 1994.  IT IS NOT MEAT DROWNED IN VINEGAR.  People from North Carolina will argue this statement to the fullest of the extent (the people who do so, are idiots also).  I don't care what food product you drown in vinegar it is called pickling. Pickle as a noun it means " a liquid, especially brine or vinegar, in which food is preserved." as a verb it means "to preserve with salt or vinegar, etc." quotations also taken from the same dictionary.  However, by North Carolina definitions pork is barbecued not pickled when drowned in vinegar.  Which should mean that cucumbers are barbecued when drowned in vinegar, pigs feet are barbecued when drowned in vinegar, eggs are barbecued when drowned in vinegar, and salads are barbecued when drowned in vinegar. ehhh yeah right. lol  Now, I understand that some people like pickled pork, and that's fine.  However, to call it barbecue is just down right insulting.  Needless to say that I did not have a long conversation with the woman. lol  If anyone is interested in steak, don't bother going to North Carolina, they don't know how to cook it, and you usually won't find any.  Barbecue sandwiches are... you guessed it...pickled pork. mmmmmhmmmm (GAG)  You want ribs? guess what? Pork. You want spicy sauce? you get a choice there, ketchup, tobascco sauce (main ingredient is......vinegar), or vinegar. :D  your choice.  It was such a hell hole living there, that I actually had dreams of eating spicy food.  Now that's sad.  I'll save the rest of the hell hole stories for another time. :D  Until then, please enjoy your pickled pork; dumbasses.

Well, ain't life grand. lol  Aunty, one of the few people in my family that I sort of get along with, really has an odd way of lending a helping hand...she slaps you in the face with the other one. lol  She'd be nice if you got rid of the 10" claws, the 9" fangs, the pitch fork, and the pointy tail. lol  Hey, at least she is not as bad of a person as my mother. (rolls eyes).  Anywho, I was listening to one of my old NIN cd's and heard a song on there that I thought would go perfect with this web site, "Need you, Dream you, Find you, Taste you, Use you, Scar you, Fuck you, Break you" (wash, rinse, repeat. lol) If you're wondering it's from Eraser (Polite) off of their Further Down the Spiral album.  I was thinking about it (while listening), and wondered if the "Dungeons",the people play in around here, played any NIN songs.  I would think that they would go pretty good together.  I know the stripper clubs play them quite frequently.  Anyway, everything that can go wrong has been for me recently; even people who say that they are interested in talking to me or meeting me seem to be making up some LAME ass excuses.  I'm not an idiot people, if you don't want to talk just say so, it's part of being honest (like anyone has any honesty any more. lol)  Saw a wonderful Bush bumper sticker, "We are making enemies faster than we can kill them." lol  Their's some honesty for ya. lol  I am so glad that I am part of the minority of america, as the majority of america voted for Bush to stay in office. lol Dumbasses.

Well coolers, I was recently thinking about starting one of these up. Bloggs (chuckle), gosh, I remember the old days when there were nothing but message boards...that changing and staying the same thing...or as one of my old Text adventure games put it, "Seems same scene seen".  Name the game and you get a cookie. lol  Course it will also mean that you are A) as old as I am and B) just as odd as I am. lol  Well recent news, Let's see where to begin...I was driving along moving the the remnants of my belongings from my ex-girlfriends place and trying to understand some of the things that she had said to me, like "You are so selfish" yet when I asked her to please explain this statement her answer was, "you never helped out with the bills and you never helped out with the chores".  However, in reality I had been giving her $100 a week (which I guess was going to buy pot since it didn't go towards the bills) and whenever I offered to help with the chores she would always say, "No, I want to do everything for my man so that he feels pleased".  I still have not figured out which universe she lived in; though apparently it was one in which I NEVER did anything EVER. uhmm, could I have my money and sanity back? NO? that's ok I don't need those anyway; they are just so burdensome.  lol, Anyway, so I'm driving along thinking about stuff like this and fail to realize that the traffic light that I'm approaching is red and had been red for at least a minute.  You guess it, I see a car drive in front of me, I slam on the breaks, and smash into the front door of a white honda type car (I was driving my Dodge 1500 pickup).  My first thoughts were, "Fuck I hope that they are ok".  So I fight my way out of my door which is jammed and make it over to that car's passanger side door at about the same time as the guy behind that car is helping the asian girl out of the car I just hit.  I was soooo releaved that she was not seriously injuried (no physical wounds or bruising).  When the police showed up (which was very quick) I told them the truth, that I was not paying attention to my actions and I ran the red light and hit the car (Although any moron could have looked at the wreckage in the street and figured that one out without asking what happened).  I am truly sorry that the accident occured, and I do take full responsibility for the accident.  I am also very greatful that noone was physically injuried at all in the accident.  Though as with past events in my life, I can't help but wonder if maybe I'm being protected some how.  I am glad that the woman was that's for sure.  Course that maybe just all in my head; you never know.

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