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Today i decided that even thought there are alot of very very attractive Dommes on here... i'm only going to serve a male Dom. Sorry ladies but i need a man to dominate me.
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Thought of my day:
Some one told me an analogy today that made me see how it worked in my life... I am a pinball in a machine, i bounce and binging around on all these bumpers and all theses holes. now i'm jammed in the corner of the machine, able to move just a tiny little bit but completely stuck.
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As the sun shines in my window of another glorious summer day in Alaska i can't help but wonder why, in such a beautiful place, are there such ugly people. Why, in such a fun and exciting town, is everyone to mundane and sedentary. To these questions i may never find an answer, but that doesn't stop me from pondering.
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I just got back from my 13 day cross-country road trip... and i can say that i have learned a few things.
1) there are alot of stupid people in this US
2) Alaska is way more beautiful then anywhere on I-70
3) more then a few people have a "cow fetish"
4) I'm not near as hot as alot of other subs, but not all Dom's like "hot" subs
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sitting, listening
Rain falls
What a shame
sitting, listening
what is it that i hear?
a little whisper
in my ear
sitting, listening
what does it say
baby girl
don't go away!
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Today i'm canceling my life... I got my purse stolen last night. with my wallet and phone and smokes inside. So i've spend the majority of the day cancel ling credit cards, getting a new cell phone, and refinding all my friends number. before i leave on my road trip on Monday. Why do people have to steal things, if you want something just ask and i'll let you barrow it!
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i had someone send me a nice little note in the mail telling me that i don't look very submissive. and that my picture make me seem dom. And that god me to thinking *oh god i have thought* its not really the clothes you wear or the positions you pose in for pictures that make you submissive, i believe its the look in the eyes. You can usualy see a pic on here and say "oh he's a sub" just by the look of there eyes. And if you can't... then take a moment to look in the top right cornor... CM will tell you if they are dom or sub.... some people!
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Thought of the day:
How long can you live a vanilla life before your inner self rebel? The need to submit controls my every thought, how much longer can i stay in this vanilla relationship? how much longer can i suppress my urges, my needs? I guess as long as i can!
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interesting to say the least..... i received an email from someone stating nothing more then they wanted to be friends.... i said how can i be friends with someone i know nothing about.... her response-- Sheech whats with you people! Do you think anyone is just gonna spill there entire personaly history on an intial email? Its called communication for a reason-- I have never had anyone be so mean because i asked about her.
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Finally, i have found someone that makes me wanna log in every day. Someone who sparks my intellectual side, someone that enjoys my rambling. And oh how nice it it! So if you read this, you know who you are.... thank you Sir!
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As i scan thru profiles once again, i have to stop and wonder, do people even know what this site is before they make a profile. I mean, they say the right words to make me thing "hummm make they are just new to the lifestyle" but then they message you and have no fkn idea what the lifestyle is or what it means. I really think collarme.com should have a disclaimer that says 'this site is for people that seriosly enjoy a BDSM lifestyle, if you just think its "cool and neat" go somewhere else'. Well thats what i think about that!
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Tomorrow is my birthday, i'm gonna be 21. Hurray for me!
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A friend of mine told me a story today about a sub that he was interested in, and when he tryed to talk to her she bit his head off because she thought he only wanted to be friends... i have to wonder what do these girls want... they don't want anyone that might only be a friend, but they don't want people to send them things saying "fall to your knees in front of me"....
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What is with the pics of young girls molesting there stuffed animals? is that supposed to be attractive in some way, did i miss that memo?
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An old Dom found me online today, i'm not sure what to say any more, i'm not the same person i once was. How do you explain to someone that you can't be that for them anymore?
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OMG they sell bondage gear on amazon.com!!!
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I'm so excited!!!! i have a "coffee date" with very nice local lady!! She is new to town and very bi. Living in a small town it can be hard to find anyone willing to do anything because they live in so much fear of what others with think!... anyways, new and exciting part of my life!
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As i scan thru profiles i see so many that say "don't' contact me until you have read my profile"... i understand people don't like repeating themselves... but to put it as harsh as "don't contact"... why not just "don't ask me if its in my profile"???
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Men----
Why do you ask a question, then say the answer you want before we get a chance to say anything?
Men----
Why do you think all girls need a confidence boost?
Men----
Why does submissive automatically mean we don't deserve respect?
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Today's thought:
How much does the past really matter in the future? How can you sort through everything you have seen and done to find what will change your future. I like to think that the past is only important if it affects your future, but how do you decided what will and wont affect it? Maybe nothing really matters, maybe its all about what you do in the moment, maybe it all matters, and that everything you do in your day to day life is influenced by your past....and will affect your future.
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Its been a little bit since my last "moment of clarity' so here go's.
Loneliness leads to wanting to find anyone that will take me on. But in this state of craving to be dominated, i often find myself seeking out people i know will not be what i need. I compromise my own wants and needs just for the chance to be a sub. But then in the same breath, its not really what a sub WANTS and NEEDS. being a submissive means having no wants and needs, having only the want to please your Master, only the need to make him happy.
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I recently had someone ask me "can BDSM just be a hobby?" and i had to stop and think, it has always been a lifestyle to me, it has been what i lived for, how i lived, and how i wanted to life, but now that i'm in a crossroads in my life that question has been sitting in my mind. Can i just have "kink" al la cart. Is that possible after living in the lifestyle, is it possible to go from live in submissive to a "part-timer" and would i even want to.
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You give me your hand/
Then you say hello/
i can hardly speak/
my heart is beating so/
anyone can tell you think you know me well/
but you don't know me./
oh how i long to kiss your lips/
long to hold you tight/
hope to be with you/
every lonly night.
but you will never know./
afraid and shy/
i let my chance go by/
for you to love me/
as i love you/
but you will never know./
you will never know/
the one who loves you so/
for you don't know me.
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