it's been a month and not much of a change.  i have realized that the one man i trusted everything to just tells me what it is he knows will keep me around.  i really want to believe the dreams he has feeled me with will come true, but how can i.  am i really that nieve and gulable to have believed he wanted to marry me one day, that he loves me and wants to be with me when all is said and done.  the ignorance of it all is i still hold on to that, because if i don't i believe i will lose it.  every man in my life has put me to the lowest point in my life, has made me feel used or tried to buy me.  why can't they understand i just need them.  i'm only human and need to be shown love telling me isn't enough (not with material things).  is there something wrong with me, why do i hold on for a man that obviously doensn't care whether i feel loved, just believes i should know this? 
is it possible for me to be more lost than i was before?