jadedmoonlight

The lifestyle is like a drug addiction always looking for the higher high. I feel this is now the reason that so many relationships end. We look for the ultimate high. For some as myself I had been there, it is hard to find another to reach the same goal let alone go any higher. Living on the edge just as the fast lane of drugs can be. It's an addiction. It will easily pull one back in.

Sitting here numbed by my own self slavery trying to figure out why I feel as I do. I observe the lifestyle in which once made me feel like I belonged. I see so many new ones who have no clue. Yet when One who does approaches I have a numb feeling. So today for some reason it enters my mind once again why??? Somehow my mind wondered to the tital "50 Shades of Grey" not yet read but sort of interesting to see her aspect. I considered why? Why did she name it "50 shades of Grey"? Pondering did I miss something in my absence? When I realize shades ostyle lies on such a "grey area" or "fine line" of insanity. My thought then ponders that of which I was first taught of the depth of the lifestyle how precious was that between both Master and submissive that lead to a contract and collar. Why is it that something which was suppose to be so beautiful and strong that it now ended faster than a vanilla marriage? I see more of the departure between Masters and submissives than ever just a few short years ago. Is it that the TPE was no longer working as it should, is it that there are far to many just into the kink and not the aspect as a whole? Is it just a cinderella of the dark side fantasy or does it exist? I look at those in the lifestyle and how many are uncollared, what demands are within profiles, how those present themselves. I believe that's why I am numb to it anymore. Jaded (exhausted) Moon ( the birth name I was given lies within this word, as well that which represents dark side of the "lifestyle") Light ( that which is on the opposite spectrum of the dark side a beautiful light in a seductive sexual relationship of BDSM. Most definately Jaded by the shades of grey which portray us.

As I look upon some profiles here just browsing or even just sign on I am astonished by some pics...Cloths laying all over a mess I would call disfunctionable. Has one forgotten part of the aspect of submission/ slave is to make the Master's castle a place he wants to come home too? I mean for real do you like showing what kind of slob you are? I'm not perfect by any means, however, there are never cloths thrown all over a room, dishes are done before bed every night, toys from the grandchildren are picked up and put away. Common respect for your home first . Just sayin it shows what kind of human you are in general.

I appologize to those who may think of me as rude for not replying to your email in past...I am sorry your messages were sent to bulk mail and though I notice most tried numerous times...HOWEVER, at this time I am dedicating my time and energy on another Dom in which I have very positive feeling about the gut never serves me wrong.

https://.com/users/1478469

Have a safe and happy Easter weekend everyone...........see you again monday

So tell me Sir why should I call you anything more than such? Why should I cum for your pleasure? What makes you diffrent from any other Dom upon this site who desires the same? Has it been forgotten that submission is a gift in which one earns? You have not allowed me to know your inner thoughts and beliefs. How am I suppose to know if I am willing to submit anything to You? I feel that many have forgotten, perhaps even lost concept of human interpersonnel communication. Insanity: to repeat over and over again with hope of a diffrent result. Sane therfore should be considered trying a diffrent path with the hope of a diffrent outcome.

The way it works; building a common ground beyound the sexual aspects of the lifestyle. To see each others desire and wants in everyday mundane life. Allowing the other to see beliefs. Because one shares a diffrent view doesn't make them fake. In old school one did NOT judge another or belittle. Common respect was given, I find that has been forgotten here.

It is here that I give my view of diffrent levels in which should be respectful concepts. I will explain using Male as Dominance and female as submissive for relation purposes.

The Dom approaches the female respectfully she is a lady (who here it is already known her fetish desires) no less.

He who desires a 24/7 should be in search of her lifestyle beliefs and needs. If common ground is established the next step maybe developed, don't forget it is consentual (in agreement of BOTH parties). At this point she may choose to submit (offer) a part of herself be it her heart, her body, or her mind. Over time she will offer more of each aspect of what makes her beautiful for the safe keeping by the Dominant(once again upon his consent he accepts this gift of trust). I believe when she can offer herself as a complete whole entity to him and he consentually accepts all she moves from submissive to slave of his desire. No deeper commitment of loyalty and trust exists. In my view it is here and only here that he has earned the tital of Master. It is here that he has earned what makes her so beautiful entrusted in his care. It's not for Man to use carelessly but hold preciously.

A woman who is willing to travel this path with a Male should not be forced by command to do anything, but desire to please him and serve him because she also has to see which beautiful path he might lead her too.

I feel sadness for those here who feel they must force a woman to serve him. I have spoken here with some that would be considered abusive and doormat treatment. It does not show strength rather it portrays your weakness that as a Dominant man in itself that you have to force being no less than a bully for you are not confident of your own inner self. To you I wish you well in your long journey.

Respectfully;

jadedmoonlight

Let's be real here...at this age a few things have more than likely happened. One you put yourself into your work and woke up one day lonely, or you have had children and for one reason or another you are now alone. Now I can get into the reasons you may be alone but everyone has thier story....What needs to be understood is there is life outside our sexual side.

Personally I have a large family, and demanding it is because it is so large. Don't judge till you put on ones very shoes and walk those miles in them dealing with thier life. I find it "sucks" because at a time when I feel I should be enjoying my life, I am submissive not only to those who know me here, however, also submissively loving to my family's needs. Submission takes on deeper roles than just a D/s relationship we know here. A true submissive will be loving in nature with all around her. Yes here I speak of unconditional true love that doesn't consist of sexual.

It was a relationship that ended that lead me more so turn away from relationships, however, it is family needs that chain me now.

I had just found out on the 30th my oldest the mother of three of my grandchildren had found out her cancer is back worse than before. On the 31st I recieved news the father of the two I have custody of will be released once he's done with the State in which he V.O.P. I still have the added grandchild with CF who I have to watch over and deal with Dr and medical staffing, as well his brother my three year old redhead who doesn't understand he doesn't live with Nana anymore. Sometimes submission gets overwhelming but in the wrong/ right places.

..............................................................Jaded

I have to ask myself why am I afraid of submitting again to another. What is my reason? I have asked over and over and over again I can't find my answer......Have I become cumbersome?

Happy Valentine's

I'd like to share a discussion with you with the approval of the Dom who began the discussion. They are views, valued, however, may differ from others.

" I was wondering if you know what impression you make when calling your submission a gift? It implies it is something that you give on special occasion and it is not who you are at your core. That is how myself and several people I know on take it to mean."

I would like the opportunity to clearify, I do understand the Dom's point of view on this topic it is more so a "play" on descriptive words. I do not deny that when I entered the "lifestyle" (yet another descriptive word) It was rather still old school than that of today. Much has changed in my absence. Perhaps some have become to politically corrective in speach. Either way it is a view which still boils down to nitty grit.

I have seen as well been aproached by some who may be "new" may be "wanna be" May just view the "lifestyle" in a diffrent light. oesn't make them wrong nor makes them right.

Reference to submission as a "gift" only means that it is something given. Just because" I am submissive" doesn't mean ANY Dom can have one to his will and desire. Submission is not just taken because "I am"; no more than any submissive expect everything because one is Dom. A submissive can't expect to be "Owned" just because she submits to a Dom. A submissive can't expect that just because one is Dom that he/she is going to financially provide everything for the submissive either.  There are levels of "power play" in any relationship be it "lifestyle" or "vanilla". There are some here unfortunately who think that it is a "I DEMAND" Site. Collarme was developed for people with a set of interests to come together meet and have relationships in the sexual life of play condoned as KINK. A life in which we gone above and beyound the outer limits of what had been perceived as "normal" sexual behavior. If one truely knew the "lifestyle of BDSM" and it's history you would also have known it had not been viewed as a "sane" sexual practice. In history not to long ago as fact the very same "lifestyle" we endevour upon was considered "psycologicaly as, insane" Dominants as well as submissives were institutionalized for thier sexual mindset. After all the lifestyle does breed such as "SlaveMaster" a mass murderer and exploited numerous times in crime stories were Our practices and beliefs were carried to far by some. We play on the edge therefor it should be properly understood that safe sexual practice was not to relinquish all self being immediately to one as some here percieve it to be. "SAFE and SANE" would be to build a level of trust in which a submissive feels comfortable relinquishing (or giving hence gift) of self to one they feel can "SAFELY and SANELY" in thier best interest make choices in thier well being. Another way of giving example in a whole diffrent ligt or perspective would be a totally "unlifestyle" aspect. If you have a child....do you open your door grab some stranger off the street and ask them to watch the child while you go to work? No; why because you do not know enough about that person are they mentally capable? are they a sexual preditor or murder? Do they do drugs in which inhibit proper thinking and reasoning? etc the list continues on. Such in the same with a submissive they have to make sure thier being is safe in the hands of what can sometimes be a stranger. Just because one is a submissive doesn't make them weak, stupid, unable to self protect or be independently strong. Being submissive is servitude because one desires to do so. It tears me up to no bound when a submissive talks to me and acts as a helpless excuse for air in itself. I have no tollerence for such being.

To sumerize this up.....I am a lady, who is intelegent,self sufficiant, and strong. I choose to submit my mind to be open to further learning, and views of , I submit my body to the discovery to the edges of sexual exploration, and my heart is open in love, admiration, loyalty,obediance, and devotion to the one I choose to serve who desires that of me as well in every aspect of my life. I will not be exploited in a way in which I do not consent to. I will not be treated as a doormat. I know what I seek and what kind of Dom suits my needs as a submissive. If any fear that thier pathway shall keep moving past me. I have no hesitation or doubt of who I am.......That is submission.

                                                                           jadedmoonlight

Sometimes when faced with complex matters it's nice to have a Dom friend who can give a new view and way of description. I'm glad I have such friends (you know who you are).

It's the very same in which has led me to realize I once was able to say "I get along better with males because I understand them more" to now saying "I have male Dom friends who understand me". I found being open honest and forward about my life has gained me friends (distance prevails) who respect me and see the beauty within that I have seen. I've found more Doms who openly and honestly now present themselves as humans needing more than just the sexual side we ALL love being.

I have always kept in my mind my favorite quote "Chained by certitude, one becomes slave" I haven't tried to hold myself back in life til I seperated from the Vanilla one. Two years before I even considered male companionship again. I hadn't yet found one I desired to be with. Perhaps still gaurded. After reading the court decision more though I have to consider if advancing would put thier safety in review. I have made so much progress with them both I'd hate to put them at risk of having it taken away again. My heart and mind are being pulled in a thousand diffrent ways now. Which do I follow my need or my want?  which is which?

Finally life is returning to some normalcy. The calm after one hecktic storm. My children are moving on again. I've become more Nana with exception to the two I have custody of. My soul is finally able to breathe a little easier. 2012 just maybe the year I return to life.

Today Daniel was laid to rest. Hope he's in peace now living the life in the heavens

Today I am saddened that one of my former Doms baby son passed away in his sleep at the age of 24. Praying God keeps him and his family in God's loving arms

The INBETWEEN

What is it that captures her soul? Why does the mere thought of him make her wet? It's the inbetweens the parts that make her stay in love with you. The times when the mundane sexual expression goes beyound the rutt. The unexpected moments of change and imagination.

When "no holds barred" could be developed in which freedom to express ones inner thoughts and sexual desires "inbetween" the usual consentual play. When the bond can be developed of one soul,mind, heart.

The reason he holds her and not another.

Once experienced there is no other.

So if you wonder why he has her and you don't it's the special inbetweens that caught her soul, her body, in his arms and she feels safe , cared for, and loved. She has no fear.

His mind has attracted her to begin with, his spirit for life and experiences of past his wisdom.

It is the Dom who developed and designed techniques and and imaginative play that so many copy that has this woman on his arms.....she would do ANYTHING to please him and only him she is loyal and dedicated beyound all words.

The idea had come across her mind as she had seen the new inventionalized toy upon her screen of an exercise ball with a cock vibrator extention included. The hop toy sitting in the corner by the toy boxs. No , how could she it was not right , the thought pondered in her head for days on end. Secretly as all were asleep she snuk it off to the room. Placing her favorite cock vibrator deep inside her it was thick with girth and ribbed edges so she felt every movement it made. Often leaving her sore for days as her Dom thrusted it repeatedly within her in past. She took her favorite water vibrator and placed it upon her clit, mounting the toy ball. She rocked slowly at first enjoying the deep penetration. Her speed gained as the vibrator took effect on her clit. Wild thoughts of how secretively obscure this act was. Deeper and faster she rocked. The ball had made it so easy for masterbation giving her the ability to relax and enjoy so much more. Before she knew she was breathing deep and calling out as she was about to cum heavly and hard. Deeper breaths and deeper thrusts as she discovered even the slightest small movements made the enjoyment ever so intense.

The serenity of my home has once again returned to me as my daughter and grandsons moved into thier own home tonight. The two grandchildren I raise are calm for most part. The home has become unusually quiet over the last two years of consistant pitter patter of my older grandson's feet. As a submissive though my worry has not left yet over my grandsons, it's far easier to handle the hardship then to let go. Anyway now embarking on another new journey in my life shall see were it leads me now.....................................................

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perhaps I will find myself submitting myself as I should be

Here are two combined emails sent to me by some Dom who thought I needed his input....WHAT"S YOURS???????

Ok, here are the simplest basics of your diatribe.

1) A slave, submissive offers the service of their soul.

no gift of emotion may be earned. Only offered. ONLY offfered.

if you love me it is your wish.

if for me you suffer, it is your wish.

2) A slave, submissive is the one in charge. Always always always.

It is the slave, submissive that says what may be, or not be.

3) There is a desire to serve. As a slave or as a submissive. That desire never belongs to

the master/dom.

ps

You're in love with the idealized romanticised view. Good luck with that.

I have often seen the aspect of submission on here to portray a weak fragile woman. Contrary to belief most submissives are rather strong and independent yet desire the release of control to a Dom in a sort of relaxation affect. Most work and maybe mothers of young children.  Some carry the employment of Doctor, Nurse, Lawyer, Judge, Law Enforcement. They have jobs that require they have control of others durring the day. They fullfill the tasks of not only Mother, Work, but of home; they are the lovers, and bestfriends of thier Dom. For most no diffrent then that of a "Vanilla" relation except they choose to relinquish control at home to thier Dom. It becomes thier way to breathe after a long hard day. They are more loyal, disaplined, and compassionate. The sexual aspects of our sexual desires are often the escape from that mondane daily aspect of "Nilla" life. Submissives knows when entering into a D/s relationship what they expect, and know that they can breakdown at the end of the day and have the strength of thier Dom to lift them back up, and often give them a place (be it physical, mental, emotional) to escape.......to revamp thier already strong will.

For those submissives without this are yet novice in life and are being trained to become strong.

Misplaced submission.............Many years ago when I first entered the "lifestyle" I was released to learn more on my own by my loving guide to set my own thought process. After a failed relation I found the advice of a spiritual guide to using a journal helpfull in gathering my thought process. At this time I was working in private home care and had many hours to sit and ponder thoughts ragging within my brain. I was a nieve novice with uncontrolled emotions. I did, however, discover during my writtings that my submission can be what I refer to as misplaced, were I transfer dedication and loyalty threw my heart and soul into loving and caring for another soul. Yes submission can be given beyound the sexual aspects. I found that my work in caring for others less capable, fullfilled my need, or void, of serving a Dom. The only aspect missing was that of sexual desires. They too however could be curbed by self gratification with toys.

I found that my submissive nature to nurture ones growth and experiences with life, to care and love one with loyalty, commitment, and kind heart, serving thier needs be it helping them with daily tasks in life or just being a dependable ear to listen to them speak filled my void. I can't nurse anymore in that work nature due to limitations now placed upon me physically. I have though misplaced my submission into a new catagory as I have taken on the task of Nana to my grandchildren. A just reward in itself. I do miss the touch of a Dom from time to time. I do realize it takes so much to offer one that sacrifice would be needed to serve him and at the sacrifice I am afraid to say of some very special lil people in my life.  As any good submissive would do I neglect my own needs for the needs of others. I keep telling myself the reason being for this neglect is blamed on two things................womens movement, and the Doctor who inspired clitoral massage to rid PMS. With the womens movement we had become stronger independent self supporting. With the Massager man had furthered his pervasive thoughts into more toys and yes we can play well by ourselves. So what may I ask is left???????????????

It's been a LONG day and will remain a LONG night as my grandson has went back into hospital for some other complications associated with his CF. His life hangs on thin ice now and the hands of a surgical team. Praying that he pulls threw and comes home to me now.....................

The New Year started with a bang but not the kind of bang I would have liked. I have been BUSY BUSY BUSY long night , little sleep, and a house full of children. Running trying to accomplish tasks that seem never to be able to be reached. Multi tasking has become a NORM. Read my Yahoo year horoscope said love will be my high the first six months and old flames will be were they are at ....My question current is when will I have time for that? or is my love my family ugh what a start this has become.

I had a good Christmas with my family. Just arrived home today back from Georgia, my car decided it wanted an extended two day stay, definately crazy. I missed all of my friends here on CM. I'd like to wish you all a Very Merry Happy New Year.

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL BELIEVERS

Strange how what should be destiny can be altered by the errogance of other beings, hindered by time, and place. That two can walk as individual beings both longing for the exact same thing but never able to become one soul, wondering aimlessly lost forever.........................

                                                                jadedmoonlight

22 years today I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. Happy Birthday to my son whom yet another year now comes in which I can't share that with him. :(

Sadly I have had to tuck my submission away again raising these babies. I hate being alone again, kooking at 18 years of being an older mother instead of the nana I should be to them. They do make me feel young again til the end of night approaches than I feel my age creap upon me. I should be enjoying service to one, but now I submit to family need.  I suppose in D/s standards it would classify between want and need. I want to be back in the lifestyle but I need to raise these two young delicate lives. I'm considering relocation back up North closer to the other side of family and to give them a chance at a better education...........maybe just maybe they will turn out better than thier parents and more like me.

As I read upon a profile today I had tears for this Dom. I understand from the submissive side the aggitation of those who are wannabe Doms fasinated with the only aspect of kink within the lifestyle and the thought of owning anothers control.

 The lost idea that we submissives are humans with needs as well. That one should be able to further develope ones submissive socially as well in life , building her confidence. That control is a GIVEN right EARNED by a Dom not something automatically given just because one speaks with us as a submissive. I even had one joker who by IM (no cam involved) to sub stance. REALLY dude do you know what substance is?????????? how can one sub stance for you when you can't even view them???????? I ROFLMFAO as he said I wasn't true because I said I could not.............in this lifestyle IGNORANCE is NOT bliss it's a click of a button that says BLOCK THIS PERSON.

I felt this Dom though because yes we tend to put blocks up instantly just waitting upon that wannabe to slip out of the Dom we may speak to. Unjust and unfairly to the Dom who is true in this lifestyle.

I have been extreamly blessed in my life here. I have been well trained what to seek for and how to find it within a Dom. I have met many here who are as well properly trained and developed to be the Dom who could one day be called Master by a very special submissive. Yes I have met my fair share of wannabe Doms and yes they are ignored or blocked

We should not forget the basics of the lifestyle RESPECT, giving respect to all until respect has earned to be taken away by misconduct of an individual basis. Yes I have my limitations and timelines of what I will and will not do we all do but we don't need to be rude. There is a reason we all are here to begin with, being rude behind the screen you could loose that one who "COULD HAVE BEEN THE ONE" 

Well my life has changed drastically in the last few days. I have gained custody of two grandchildren age 2 and 8 months. As well I have another grandson for the next few weeks as his brother is once again hospitalized. It's been a full house non stop action. Alot of diapers to change. Anyway I have chosen to once again back out of relationships in all fairness I can not subject another to my hell on earth. I will remain here only to speak with old friends and a few new ones. To All Merry Christmas and a Very Happy New Year.

The tragedy of sexual intercourse is the perpetual virginity of the soul.

Her red hair flowing about shoulder length, eyes deep brown, she wore a black flowing dress and fishnet stockings with her favorite black high heels trimmed in diamond studlike design. There he stood before her his hair slightly grey tint. Trembling before him she stood as he looked over her. His hand firmly gripped threw her hair as he pulled her head back. Other hand strapped  tightly around her neck as he passionately deeply kissed her than said hello. He graciously put his hand on the arch of her back as he escorted her into his home. He offered her something to drink and lit a cigarette speaking with her briefly. He took her hand lovingly kissed it than placed it behind her back telling her to lie down on her stomach upon the couch. The cool satin of the blindfold covered her eyes as the blade of the knife road accross her neck he pulled up her dress and and slid it off her head. The cold knife reappeared tracing down her spine as he entered her anally. Thrusting inside her she reached back as his size had well stretched her comfort. His thrusting became deeper and harder over and over and over again.......................................................

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....................................................................Continued another day Doms

The Good Catholic Girl

She was a nieve young woman hair flowing darkened alburn down to the middle of her back. Raised properly as a little lady. Elbows never on the table, legs crossed sitting in a dress, to speak when spoken too, to dress never revealing to much of her sexual body etc. Church every Sunday, as well she enjoyed singing in the choir. Twelve years of private school molding developed this heavenly angel; that only seventeen years took to devour like a hungry bear. She came from a time of life when what happened behind the confines of closed doors at home stayed behind those doors and never spoken of, as well what happened at the neighbors down the street was not of any of thier concern and was left down the street.

She would meet a young man for years older , tall, blonde, blue eyes. Married right out of high school. She would bear the gift of four beautiful daughters and the birth of one namesake son. Only six months into marriage her innocense would be exposed to what happened down the street as he busted her jaw for bearing him the news of a household bill. Now for what she had been taught nothing was ever told of this for she must have done something wrong that man had punished her in his drunkin stupper. She would stay quietly by his side, no friends because she was not allowed. She would work to tend to bills, cook, clean, tend to children, and serve him both in body and mind, and her heart would belong to him as she had already given that to him, as well at one point she would live with another woman also to serve him.  From time to time things would be fine the incident of past almost forgotten when it would strike again, and again, and again, for seventeen years on any given time or moment she would suffer to the hands of his desire. Be it the slap across the face, strangling with telephone wire, or thrown across the room, to being flipped out of bed 8 months pregnant and just home from work. None the less she would stay by his side over and over till he would move from her to the children; were every memory of the endured pain relived; she could not handle thier young bodies and mind to suffer. Her escape would than be planned.

By all right this young lady had become slave to her man. From what was allowed to be eaten, what was allowed to be worn, what was allowed to be  purchased, from what they watched at home to activities done. Every aspect of her life controlled; however her mistreated.

She now stands before in sub stance worn and neglected. Broken from all her years of dedication and hard work. Her eyes piercing into yours in fear from her past....WHY?...........................................Because this Ol' submissive woman is ME.

I had recieved word yesterday that I will be gaining the custody of my two grandchildren age 2 and 8 months later this month. I have been cautious in entering any relationship anyway due to the anticipation of this change in my life as well the caution of being hurt again as I was in the vanilla relationshiip. I have chosen that if I do enter into a relationship at this time with the devotion and loyalty on my behalf I will not enter a 24/7 relationship, however, am willing to enter a relationship in which I am able to raise them outside the lifestyle and offer myself to one away from them until strong bonds are built in which I feel a 24/7 relationship could later be discussed. I feel stating this it is known I have a dedication to my family first and respectfully know my devotion would need to be divided if I enter into a physical r/t relationship but do not feel it is in good judgement to have the Dom of interest thrown into my family situation nor them subjected to a relationship that may turn out to be fly by night.

                                                                         submissive and honest,

                                                                           jadedmoonlight

I APPOLOGIZE i WILL BE OUT FOR AWHILE DUE TO MY BACK BEING THROWN ON FRIDAY. TILL NEXT TIME STAY SAFE MY FRIENDS

I appologize tonight I was going to write about poly households, it has been a rather bad night I shall postpone this entry for another date. Thank You

                                                             submissively

                                                          Jadedmoonlight

Upon your entrance you captivated my eyes with your strength. The gaze of your deep brown eyes into my eyes made me bow in meekness. The darkness of the entered room a hot bath drawn the glow of lights beneith the water, the fog of the mystic lamps and soft sounds of TiaChi playing in the background. The sound of your voice deeply catching my breath as the water trinkled down glistening off your tan chest. Our dampened bodies moved to the iron bed. My arms bound to the bed. Your taunting and teasing of my body.....your shoulders hoisting my legs straightened as you deeply enter within with every thrust I see every man before you, but yet somehow know you are my Master The way you looked deep within my eyes as if piercing my soul.  The gentle touch upon my face and kiss upon my lips....Your body shivers as you mark me with your seed. As each day passes  and more exploration advanced. I see deeply the beauty of your Dominance. Two years my heart has broken and my mind and body are filled with the void of your absence......the uncountable tears shed.......Why Master have you forsaken me and left me to the tauntings of the SAVAGED BEAST?

Happy Thanksgiving to All

The small Thanksgiving dinner is nearly prepaired. Cooked ahead for the first time in my life because my family will not be here. Three are unable to come do to distatnce. The two here are working, so it's my two grandsons and I. I figured if I cooked it ahead at least the girls will get dinner for one is working a 16 hour shift. It will not be any diffrent than any ordinary day for me. I'll spend my day caring for the boys and cleaning house. Furniture needs rearranged to fit the Christmas tree. Today was spent Christmas shopping and fighting the phone company who changed my phone number three times within 4 hours because they couldn't figure out how to get my number back on thier phone service. Even the manager screwed it up twice himself. UGH. All in all this lil subby is rather worn out tonight. I'll be back though tomorrow night for my views on Poly Relationships till then all stay safe and sane this holiday night,

                                             jadedmoonlight

So tell me Sir why should I call you anything more than such? Why should I cum for your pleasure? What makes you diffrent from any other Dom upon this site who desires the same? Has it been forgotten that submission is a gift in which one earns? You have not allowed me to know your inner thoughts and beliefs. How am I suppose to know if I am willing to submit anything to You? I feel that many have forgotten, perhaps even lost concept of human interpersonnel communication. Insanity: to repeat over and over again with hope of a diffrent result. Sane therfore should be considered trying a diffrent path with the hope of a diffrent outcome.

 The way it works; building a common ground beyound the sexual aspects of the lifestyle. To see each others desire and wants in everyday mundane life. Allowing the other to see beliefs. Because one shares a diffrent view doesn't make them fake. In old school one did NOT judge another or belittle. Common respect was given, I find that has been forgotten here.

 It is here that I give my view of diffrent levels in which should be respectful concepts. I will explain using Male as Dominance and female as submissive for relation purposes.

The Dom approaches the female respectfully she is a lady (who here it is already known her fetish desires) no less.

He who desires a 24/7 should be in search of her lifestyle beliefs and needs. If common ground is established the next step maybe developed, don't forget it is consentual (in agreement of BOTH parties). At this point she may choose to submit (offer) a part of herself be it her heart, her body, or her mind. Over time she will offer more of each aspect of what makes her beautiful for the safe keeping by the Dominant(once again upon his consent he accepts this gift of trust). I believe when she can offer herself as a complete whole entity to him and he consentually accepts all she moves from submissive to slave of his desire. No deeper commitment of loyalty and trust exists. In my view it is here and only here that he has earned the tital of Master. It is here that he has earned what makes her so beautiful entrusted in his care. It's not for Man to use carelessly but hold preciously.

A woman who is willing to travel this path with a Male should not be forced by command to do anything, but desire to please him and serve him because she also has to see which  beautiful path he might lead her too.

I feel sadness for those here who feel they must force a woman to serve him. I have spoken here with some that would be considered abusive and doormat treatment. It does not show strength rather it portrays your weakness that as a Dominant man in itself that you have to force being no less than a bully for you are not confident of your own inner self. To you I wish you well in your long journey.

                                        Respectfully;

                                     jadedmoonlight

A small piece of serenity had been bestowed on me tonight. An IM from the nilla one. update on each other and united agreement that it shouldn't have ended that way. Forgiveness and permission requested to call me. The sound of his voice I could close my eyes and see him perched up against a wall I can see his strength shinning again a lil piece of serenity.

Sweet as heaven, hot as hell, taught to tease, but I was born to please! Now just think about that one for a min! ;)

I have to much to think about and enough time to dwell in it. Tonight as I took a break for a moment out back looking out to the dead woods, I thought about Thanksgiving. Now usually I can be optimistic about everything. I couldn't think of what I had to celebrate. I know I know I have my life. Then it dawned on me as I reflected the vasospasm v takotsubo otherwise known as the broken heart syndrom. I reflected on that day what transpired. Sadly I started crying. I can't ever remember being scared for my life. I can honestly say that day I was ready to die if it was my time.

Don't fret I don't think that way now. It was all part of a bigger plan. Back in 2001 I was attending college for a RN degree. Fulltime mother of five, working full time, and college full time. Not to mention the dealings of the past 17 years of submission (another story). When I stood strong with the strength of Warden'sToyShop I ended that submission which was bad for me, (Thank You Warden for that gift of freedom). I moved away starting life over. It's then the plann started taking place. It took nine years total of whirlwinded events that my path was finally clear. The most incredable thing a small life clinging to me to help him live. Ironically I was going to college to be a Neo- Nate Nurse. I was torn up the day I was told my career was over and no reason to continue in my dream unless I wanted to be a "paper pushing nurse" is how it was worded. Nope not me, though already trained in paper pushing.

 Febuary 2011 my calling arrived a beautiful six pound two oz baby boy. By mid Febuary word arrived of his disease of Cystic Fibrosis. The next eight months I lived and breathed and submitted to his every need. You can tell the bond without doubt that we have. His healthy body now pushing a good twenty pounds at nine months old. Tonight as I loved and played with him he kept putting his cheek on mine and pausing, I asked myself why are you crying?... I have seven beautiful grandchildren who love and want thier Nana ( to young to be called grandma, lol that's my mother ). I am a beautifull person, with a heart of gold,  they see that bless thier youth, and I thank God for that beautiful gift. Happy Thanksgiving to All of You as well for giving me your friendship.

Regaurding the Most submissive beauty I have seen:

Tonight my daughter had taken me to see "New Dawn part one" Though by far what I expected after the preceding trilogy, beyound what some seen as comedy, was the most beautiful form of true submission. We start off with Bella dealing with her inner fear. To the wedding and off to the

honey moon it is hear that we see her submission come clear and strong. I refuse to spoil the movie for anyone but for anyone desiring to see true submission or to teach one about it I strongly strongly strongly suggest this movie. This is the first movie I could relate to on a submissive level. Absolutely Beautiful. Within the sexual scene we see his strength shown. The markings left representing those in which a submissive recieves and her beauty for them. We see his dominance show after as he forbids  anymore sexual desires to come to life and how she desires more . I truely enjoyed watching this aspect of the movie. D/s at it's best.

jadedmoonlight

Febuary 6, 2010 a day burnt in my heart. I will never be the same submissive I had been. I can't seem to move forward. I can't forget him. He didn't release me I had to release him though; I loved him to much to watch him dwindle away. It may seem selfish that I yet love him. So somebody tell me how....how do I get my heart back? I have my body but that is all. In a sense I have given my life for him. For my love was so deep I let him go only to die myself. I feel like I am alone in the dark now.

                                           jadedmoonlight

 Music is a form of expression for me. Well rounded I can listen to anything. Sometimes it's just the beat other times it can be the words themselves. Today I was searching my computer for songs to upload to my new Droid that made me feel good about being in a loving relationship

 purely my thoughts of a loving relationship. I do not desire to disrespect the lifestyle or anyones belief within.

As i listened to the music I often heard of passion between two loving individuals. Some being love found, others of love lost, and than there was the songs of lust. Some music of course leads one mind to self interpretation of the musicians thoughts.

My thoughts turned to my divided beliefs. Being raised within a old school household, I truely understand the concept of a male having the control of his household. My question is at what level does his love dwindle or her happiness end?

When two meet in the Vanilla Lifestyle there is a carefree spirit in which so many songs portray. Of her child like innocense and happiness. It speaks of her dancing, body language, attire, her beauty as a woman. So why is it within the lifestyle this very way of life in which her beauty is suppose to be portrayed that it is stiffled? This is the very aspect that devides me.

I understand the beauty of her giving the gift of her full control my question is; if she isn't allowed to express her self behind the doors of her Master's home, what is there to love, what distinguishes her from other submissives? Does being a submissive represent more of a robotic image?

I believe in natural D/s relationships. Naturally I have always been a giving and loving woman. Inside this body is a beautiful thin woman, who dances and sings, a woman with youthfull spirit, yearning to see in his eyes such desire, total loyalty to him for she feels that desire, her deepest desire to make his home a place of solitude for him and her body the vessel of his desire, a playground for his youth to shine and laugh because she brings it forth. Life is full enough of stress he should be able to come home were he can breath. I understand that

so why is it that in our lifestyle it is smothered? What does he truely have to love her over any other?

Could love be that strong that she could never move on? The flashbacks seeing him sitting there her children around him; softly she hears him speaking assuring the children he will never leave her until she makes him leave. He stood ground when she fell catching her, telling the adults they are on thier own that she was now under his protection.

 As she greeted him after work excited to see him, his shower awaiting him with the clean cloths she had prepared for him. She hands him his beer and cleans up the soiled work cloths away, she enters back into the livingroom the french doors wide open the tennessee spring winds blowing warmly and the sun shine that bounces off his glistening native american skin. For this day she sees such a beauty in him standing there perched against the door frame looking out upon the treeline of the property. His words are so soft yet so strong. How did this happen? How did she fall in love with a Dominant man of a Vanilla lifestyle? She gave him every desire relinquished every ounce of herself. She'd learn so much from him, new world experiences. She would laugh and dance, she'd even sing again.

Fall had arrived and He had moved her to a bigger home that summer before. Something horrid had occured on a job site (not of his doing). The next few weeks he was on edge, he knew what was going to come. The accident caused the doors to close. He was now out of work the timing was just all to wrong for him. She assured him they would be alright they still had her income. Thier love was strong it would endure. For several months they survived. She even made his desire to return back to Florida happen. It's there that it all became a spiral downward. It set in a world of depression for him for now the question existed could he survive the loss of his former wife now gone 6 yrs? Everything had become a reminder and no matter how much he tried to allow her in she was outside looking in

 Depression set in his health dwindled, fighting erupted. She often fell to her knees helplessly crying, she knew she was loosing him and didn't know how to stop it anymore.

His drinking had now weakened him, his mindset distorted. It came a day while she was at work that he snapped in such a way her fear had her trembling as he spoke to her on the phone. Scared for the child of 16 he just blew up at and physically harmed than put out the door. She left work pulling up the discussion would not exisit she would just take her belongings and leave. For two weeks she would have voicemail after voicemail him thretning her his ranting and raging. How did this perfect love go so wrong? Family had contacted her asking question that would get her to think.

One more attempt she would offer to him. She'd come get him bring him to her home. She'd get him medical help that he hid from her. She would now step up being the biggest strength he had left. It was a rollercoster of emotions some days it was laughter others it was fear. She got his health back in order but his depression lingered. She would try and try and try again. He wanted to return back to Florida which she did love but feared the insanity of it all over again.

Yet another road block this time it took her out. Hurt on the job. He became more ill he knew this would hinder thier return. He made her completely miserable hoping she could crack. Dormat treatment. He sabataged the car. After being hurt still working he greeted her with yelling and screaming sitting there absorbing every word in; she snaps. The phone she has now dialed, the ticket purchased. He will get half his desire she will send him home to Florida, but it will be alone. She loves him so deeply she can't see him disolve before her eyes any longer. She has to have strength enough threw her love for him to let him go. For if you love someone you need to let them go if they come back they truely loved you, if they don't they never did. They had divided twice before this time, she had to make this final. She had to let go she had to be the strength because her love for him was so deep.

He stood there lost , she stood there in tears the embrace goodbye was so strong. She looked back as he told told her to go on as luggage was loaded. She could see the tears in his eyes, more began in her eyes. She drove away, pulling off to the side now away from his sight her chest was tight , her breath was gone tears flowing ever so fast down her cheek. She could not carry on every day she woke up crying and every night she cried in the now empty bed. The grieving so great she now suffered litterally a broken heart. LifeFlight to Vanderbuilt her world had crashed . Over and over she was questioned because her heart appeared to have nothing wrong it would be the echo that would show she survived the broken heart syndrom the grief one suffers durring the loss of a loved one.

Placing submission in a diffrent aspect of her life she casts her pain aside. She places a concrete barrier up around her heart though she desires she can not allow this to happen again. She spends two years hidden. Placing herself only and deeply into her family life. Now testing the water beyound that concreate wall she is scared frightened as a little girl before a yard full of wolves.

Can she ever love so strong again? ; or will this have destroyed her and made her weak for the wolves to devour?

No Dominant or submissive for that matter are without further learning need. A site I strongly suggest not only for submissives, however, Dominant as well. Many years ago when I was yet being trained physically I was led to this site even eleven years later I revisit to re-educate. I find it is  so often forgotten what are necessary for interpersonnel communication. It's lost here hence my screaming NO NO NO (previous entry). To learn more visit my girl CerenaX who I have had the pleasure from learning and talking to online www.submissiveloving.com it's a site for EVERYONE here.

NO NO NO!!! I have given and given till I have become Jaded (Exhausted) I want to laugh and play. I want to be young again with a free spirit. I have cried far to many tears on my lifetime. I will do no more crying for your misconceptions of my submissive being. I have loved, my soul has been crushed, my heart litterally broken, I have stood up brushed away the dirt, I will only laugh from this point forward tears will only be joy.

Such a beautiful day here in Tennessee I'm enjoying the night as well. Sitting on the porch swing in a spagetti strap and lounge pants. Enjoying the warm wind blowing across my skin what a great night.

Pain makes you Stronger

Tears make you Braver

HeartBreaks make you Wiser

Thank the Past for a better Future

Once again I did not stay long on here . There isn't anything that disgusts me more than a man who sees fit to worm his way toward one of my children for the purpose of his gratification. Sure my children know my lifestyle we are openly honest with each other. They choose not to be in this lifestyle doesn't mean we respect any less it just means they don't want to be in this lifestyle and anyone who forces that opinion doesn't show proper edicate to me, thus loosing my respect. Just because you enjoy the world of kink doesn't make you a Master. There are aspects as a whole that make a true D/s relationship. I know the diffrence and hate being played as if though a newbee. I have been submissive from birth it was just developed, by one of my greatest respect. Perhaps I have been greatly developed and the reason I have not entered into another relationship within the lifestyle. Whichever the reason should be it is my choice to give my submission or keep it until worthy a man shall prove I shall keep my submission and put forth toward other outlets to feel fullfillment.