jadedmau

Female Switch, 34, La Mirada, Washington

Female Switch, 33, Williamsport, Pennsylvania

Female Switch, 30

So...I survived being sick...and that's a good thing. I am on the mend now...feeling pretty good. Had a couple of fibro days this week...but I'm good. Mood has improved dramatically...no longer need the shrink...and no longer have a need to chemically alter my mood with Zoloft. It's crazy funny how the universe works. Some people travel lifetimes to find that perfect someone for them. It's only when the powers that be grab ahold of the cosmic spirits of individuals and say "Hey!!! This one goes with THAT one OVER there!!!" And smack! Two people find themselves together without really being able to explain it. But they do wonder how something so insanely comfortable and right has come to them at this particular time, space, and place in their lives. I've seen it in people over and over again...came close to experiencing it about a year and some change ago. Thought it had come to me because for me it was easy...comfortable...but it took a ton of understanding and patience on my part to endure being a convenience and nothing more...no room, no space...no place in the man's life...and it hurt...deeply. So I gave in and I gave up on my own search for that certain someone who would make sense of my quirky little ways and thoughts... and then came the Grand Master Magician... two kids, two jobs...a business...and a ton of magic going on right now...and I wouldn't trade it for all of the treasures in the universe.

Well, let's see...other than the monster from the Scream movie and a miniature version of Luke Skywalker taking up most of my Friday night (Halloween Organized Begging) for the kids, the weekend was productive...even though I feel like shit still after five weeks of being sick...I worked on my website for Kanati, published it...posted my holiday menu and pricing...working on my Yuletide menu, missed Saturday's party (but that's okay for now as I'd much rather be working on my own business and staying focused than getting too bogged down in lifestyle politicking that seems to be plaguing a few people these days. I got my business card designs over to the printer and paid for the printing, which is really exciting...I applied for my business license and parted with some money for $2 million in liability insurance...have talked to a few people about them helping me build my portfolio so I can retain my CPC (certified personal chef) certification (which just means they let me cook for them and they write me an honest, no holds barred testimonial/letter of recommendation and I put it in my folio so I can submit it in December to retain my certification. I've looked---just looked---at a couple of locations for a commercial kitchen so I can look forward to professional catering down the road. I also picked up my dress for the military ball on the 21st...a definite departure from what I usually wear to formal events. Let's see...what else did I do this weekend? Besides cook, clean, laundry, not much else...did a little shopping and in the middle of the fruit section got the idea to create an apple-sage stuffing for the holidays...then I overheard someone saying something about restaurants offering pre-cooked holiday meals for folks to pick up...and it hit me...the holiday menu...so yes...it was a very productive weekend...productive for the congestion, too...which is starting to loosen up a little...but i still feel like straight-up ass...i'm just too focused to really care about being sick right now.

I've started down the road to putting my grand idea into play and bringing my professional dreams to fruition. Outside of becoming a yoga instructor and teaching/sharing with others in that regard, I have a gift and passion for cooking. I've been toying with a catering/personal chef kind of idea for several years but have always put it off for fear of a second failure professionally. My first dance with the restaurant world came with Mr. Wilson when we opened Fingerz, a mom n pop kind of corner shop that offered home made, from scratch finger foods to mall rats. A bad business plan and an even worse location in the mall led to our financial ruin and left me with a huge fear of failing again in that respect. That was just about 20 years ago. I had an opportunity to do a complete charity event for a group I belong to in Salt Lake who invited Simon Blaise here for a demonstration and teaching opportunity on suspension and fire play. I was afforded the opportunity to provide food for the masses. Little did I know that the "bug" would bite me again and reaffirm my decision to get back into the food service industry. After five hours of straight cooking and chaos in the kitchen, both Marc and I were convinced that this is what I need to do with my future...it is a love, definitely a passion, and it's not a stitch of work for me to stand on my feet for hours at a time and make people happy through the experience of food. So...that event was the beginning of October...and here at the end of October, I am writing a sound business plan, a kick ass marketing plan (putting my degrees to good use, you see), and have registered my business name. There will be more to come, but if you are interested in having a personal chef in your life to free up your time, provide you with meals fit for royalty at a reasonable cost, rid yourself of the need to shop for meals, and be able to come home every night to home cooked, for real, meals where you can focus on friends and family, we should talk. I am proud of Kanati, L.L.P and it's not even up and running yet...and I have Simon Blaise to thank for it! His presence at the beginning of October pushed me in the right direction. But...by far, it is the presence of a certain green eyed fellow who drives me to be more than what I have shown, better than I am, and challenges me to be a better woman I have to thank above all for without his presence in my life, I'd still be at home on my balcony, coffee cup in hand, dreaming of having a better life instead of on my way to having a better life...

I believe in thrift but descriptive thrift as I am given to taking the long way around in some areas, so when it comes to talking about me, what I want, what I need, goals, dreams, aspirations, etc, I find it difficult to be descriptively thrifty. Over the years it's gotten easier to convey these things to people. I'm also pretty handy with metaphor. So...what is it I need? What is it that I want? Desire? Crave? Yearn for? Most importantly, what is it that i'm willing to do to have what i want and need? I could say that I want to be a princess in a cage, but I've been there and done that...more like a porcelain doll in a box tucked away on a shelf, hidden from view, abandoned, neglected, shoved to the side...and while that is all true, I volunteered and consented to be put in that position just as much as another made the choice to put me in that position opting for the more predictable and familiar playtoy time and again. I could say that I want a husband who will take care of me the way i need to be taken care of. But what is that need? Is it vanilla or kink in nature or is it both? Can one have kink and vanilla at the same time? It has been my experience that vanilla type marriages and kink relationships don't function well together...especially when possessiveness, jealousy, and closed-mindedness prevail. I could say that I want a man who is strong enough to watch over me without excuses or compromise. But that would be casting stones at glass houses and shattering the alpha ego. I could say that I'm not willing to compromise what I need for someone else's happiness...but making other people happy brings me joy beyond measure, so I inherently compromise, to my own great disservice. I could say that I want a man who is confident and secure enough to see what i have to give and take it. I could say that I want a man who doesn't assume I belong to him just because he deems it so.? I tend to follow my heart and not really consider the logical formalities of such an endeavor...and I've been hurt deeply for it. All things to ponder...consider...take to heart. What I need and what I want are one in the same: reciprocity. I give a lot and would love to have someone who is willing and more than happy to give back as much as I give. I have given selflessly for several years and gotten a minimalist effort in return. Confidence...not arrogance. Strength and a sense of security. A knight in shining armor, yes...but not a sugardaddy. A compass yes, but not the prevailing wind pushing at my back. A firm hand yes, but a gentle and loving soul. A smile that shows in the eye before it ever shows up on the face. Intensity in a gaze without a word, moving me with thought more than command. Dedicated, persevering, unwavering but willing to meet me halfway to facilitate growth in breadth and depth. A wisdom beyond words with the ability to listen more than hear. Is there such a man? Yep...I've met him. Loved him...had the distinct privilege of calling him friend...more than Sir, or any other moniker or title associated with male dominance, he is the star I set my compass by, regardless of where the winds blow me. When I feel lost and misguided, I have but only to look to the night sky, find my bearing, and proceed, even through troubled waters, knowing I will never end up off course so long as I trust in the presence of that star and surrender to the pull it has on me. So one would wonder if there is such a man who embodies all that i need and want, why then are we worlds apart and not building a forest from our seedling of a tree. Choice...and the bitter pill that though he may be what i need, i am not what he needs. He has what he needs...and I am but an afterthought. So...i content myself with setting my compass by our friendship and honor and respect his choice. Do I move on? no. I let it go, for there isn't another who will ever measure up to that standard or my standard. The reality of life...is that there is no other who could possibly handle me or watch over me like he has shown me he could. It is his choice that creates the barrier for him having it all. So I silently watch, toes tickling the fringe of the rug that is his chaotic life.

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