invanity

2012-03-13 02:58:13-

The Punishment-The Bond

i was not sure i would be able to perform tonight for You in our scheduled session, but You encouraged me like You always do...
Gently
Knowingly
Approached with passion
Understanding

i wasn't feeling very well...

As soon as i saw Your face i knew Your decision was the correct one for me, and like a fair and gentle, but firm Master, You allowed me the rice first as i requested. i knew that i had to get this part out of the way first, and wasn't sure that i could do it, follow through with my punishment, my punishment of that dreaded rice.
For being disobedient, cursing at You, lack of respect, jumping to conclusions, not doing my journal entry, letting my emotion get the best of me and not think through what i was to say before it escaped my tender but sometimes harsh mouth.
i thought i learned my lesson the first time.
So i knelt as You commanded, placed my knees upon the rice, my black scarf wrapped over my eyes, and up i went.
Right away i knew it would be too much and i caved, and i felt defeated. My tears ran, stinging my face. i tasted them in my mouth, and i abhored it! i knew deep inside that i needed and deserved this punishment and after making sure i was okay, i requested another try and You helped me get through it...
Second by second You lead me through it...first up for 4, back down to a relaxed position, and up again for five, my voice counting the seconds, and back again relaxed, and this continued in succession of numbers growing higher, until i felt i could stay up, the pain from going up and down must have been obvious on my face, and You noticed, paying particular close attention to detail like always, guarding my soul with Your life.
i went up again, and totaled into 20 minutes, which felt like 10 to me, and i really had no idea until You told me, and the pride shown on Your face, and then mine also, once i saw You and You told me.

i felt instantly much more bonded to You than i already felt, and i knew we were growing.

i was rewarded by You and given my choice of toys, and i asked for clips. i think You were a bit surprised. i no longer need numbers 1,2 & 3, marked on me, to remind me of the rotation. I do however seem to forget that i am not finished the rotation at times, due to leaving a clip on my tongue when i thought i had finished.
The laughter it caused felt good, and right.
A single rotation costs me 7.0 seconds at my best, and a full rotation is at 24.9, both of which will be improved. With Your help 74 clips were achieved and i was ready to stop quite sooner, for i had them attached to new places, untouched places, but You pushed onward, and i'm glad You did. i think You know my capabilities much better than i do most times, but that is what this is all about, isn't it?
i remembered what You said about each clip was You touching me, and i liked that that thought swirling around my mind as we climbed higher and higher....together.
I am anticipating many new marks on my flesh tomorrow, and i can't wait to see how pretty You make me.

As the night continued i felt much more solid, confident, wanted, cared for.
You have a very special way of helping me achieve that.

i wanted hot wax tonight, which You gave me after paddling my ass into a bruised playing field and my pussy into a red glistening surface.
You started slowly, letting me feel the heat, on my newly shaven area and then to my left nipple and then my right, feeling it drip down the side of my breast, my body encouraging it to go as far as it could when it continued to my side, my ribcage and then my back. i instantly fell in lust, it was soothing and warm, like Your cum. Thats what i thought about as it traveled my body. It was like a soft river of warmth. As You guided me i ran a thin line down the center of my body, from my breasts to my heated sex. You directed me to pour some down my slit, spread myself wide open and fill my opening, cover the lips between my legs. My eyes rolled back and i became lost, only Your voice being able to bring me back.

After i slowly peeled the wax from my body, clearing my pussy for the fuck as You requested, You entered me, methodically, lovingly, watching, intent, focused. It heated me throughout seeing You that way. As the instruction led me through Your words i hung on to every single one, craving Your desire, wanting so badly to cum for You. i worked myself into a slutty frenzy, spread wide open, showing You everything that i have which You own. i came twice, You allowed me and i felt like i was drowning in relief and intoxication. After tasting myself from the sweet fuck we got only a taste of my ass, but it is okay....we have a very long future together.

i heard You nodding off on the phone tonight before i finished this entry and i knew You were exhausted, but You sounded so sweet, and as much as i love the firm side of You, i love the softer side too.

-Yours

2012-03-11 22:53:44-

8 hours

i lay down and think of You
i wonder where You are and what You're doing
if You are happy
Did You take a minute for Yourself
today?
i miss You
In my bones

i haven't heard from You
For 8 hours
And it seems much longer

In 8 hours
i breathe
Thousands of times
In 8 hours
i still feel weak
Even weaker because i cannot perform
For You
Did You take a minute for Yourself
today?

-Yours

2012-03-11 02:12:00-

Link~~~~~

2012-03-10 21:51:33-

my Master

He thrives on possibilities
And impossibilities

He is strong
Does no wrong
Where it concerns me

He thinks that i am the most beautiful slave in the world
And He tells me
Everyday
That i am
His
Forever

i am enraptured
With Him
Impressed and mesmerized
He allows me
The forgiveness of being beautiful
And He leads me
Beneath Him
For He is the stronger of the two
He is
my breath

-Yours

2012-03-10 19:52:47-

The gift

My past is not my future or even my present
Today, each day, is a gift
From You
Given to me
Unselfishly

You are my Master
I shall not want any longer
I am setting my pain free
You are allowing me
The life I now know

I wonder sometimes if my pain escapes through punishment.
My displayed behavior asks for it, invites it right in.
I think I may have a love/hate relationship with punishment.
I think punishment allows me the relief of feeling no pain, by feeling pain.
I don't know.
I don't misbehave on purpose.
I may as well of handed You my ass on a silver platter.
I hate drawing out Your anger, Your sadness, Your disappointment.
This is not the place for me, and this is not the bitch I long to be.

The world has given You to me as a gift.
I hold that very close to my heart.
Even when I step out of line...
Together, we are in perfect formation.

-Yours

**Note-
After this entry I went back and read Pandora's Box again, and it is starting to make sense to me, the behavior.

2012-03-10 13:55:44-

My Dear slave and bitch!

My Dear slave bitch.

From the very start I knew and you warned me that you are a feisty bitch, and that you needed pulling in to shape sorting out to get you to become the best you can be.

The first Days have tested us both but we have made great progress for us personally your health calmness and professionally. But I remembered your request that I be tough and do as I see fit to do it right.
As we see from the results so far I am doing as I promised.

But the last couple of days has been a real roller-coaster,
from Wednesday full of joy witch put you in the right place for Thursday a day of which I am so proud of you.

That evening your attitude changed as you reacted to to a single word that I had directed jokingly to the wifi connection iPhone and yahoo in general as if I was trying to look and wave through a steamy window  due to the problems I was having with calling and texting you.
It took me some time to realize what I had supposed to of said. In this time you had worked your self up about it cursing at me and accusing me of trying to prevent you for doing your journal in order for me to have an excuse to punish you.
I stayed calm as I know how things effect you and knew how important the Friday was, so I did all that was needed to put you back in the right frame of mind for you to continue to shine in your new job and meet your employers. It worked! You looked great you sounded alive and you took them by storm and again you made me proud!

Last night was good too, I new you was tired as you fell asleep a couple of times.
If you are so tired tell me and go to bed its not a problem, and even that you just fell asleep is not an issue. But you had not done your journal!

And after the last (2) times and your punishment to which you later wrote  "i asked for this harshness from You". you promised to me and your self  " i will never forget a journal entry again. i don't care if i am starving, thirsty, in the desert, with no reception and no connection to mankind" but again you have straight out refused me! Your argued your point that it was "only late" and TOLD ME that it was unfair...I was listening and was prepared to make a compromise but at that moment you started cursing me yet again and to make things worse you accused me of holding a grudge 5 minuets later! to which I became slightly.....shall I say aggravated. as I remember our promises... To which I have upheld and part of yours that you wrote and spoke to me allowed was,   "i am to obey any command given by You - i will be trained in any manner that You wish - i will submit to any punishment or form of discipline that You deem necessary".
So for your insubordination rudeness and lack of respect. I must and will demand that you do as I have told you !
I will not tolerate this disobidiance and I am sure you would not wish me too.

If I let this slip buy then i am to weak to deal with you....this is not the case, you are a tough bitch but your Master is is tougher and if I don't put a stop to your disobidiance then this will become reacuring .

So to prepare for Sunday you WILL do as all as I have instructed!
Until then I do not wish to hear or read anything that would anger or disappoint me further!

Your Master and Owner.

Sir,
i will do as You instructed me to do.
i know my punishment is necessary and well deserved.
i am sorry that i fell out of line.
i will continue to strive to be the very best bitch and make You proud, not angered or disappointed.

-Yours

2012-03-10 06:56:05-

i

am afraid
dont like You right now
will not bring rice

on Sunday

?And this is your journal entry??

Lame...
i know

i let my emotion get in the way

Complete self control will become mine

-Yours

2012-03-10 05:02:43-

Don't forget!

2012-03-09 05:29:49-

No I will not apologize!

For a word that wasn't ment to offend or tease.
Put down belittle or displease.
You took to heart so personal and ofended.
And bit back with an attitude so unfitting of a slave like you.
From the high you was riding.
falling so far and deep you where gliding.
With every word downward you spiral.
In words and emotion.
Only to land on the rocky bottom.
Of fears and tears.
You though i would leave you there in fear.
Walk away and say maybe another day.
How dare you asume!
I would leave you there.
How dare you accuse!
Me of being weak. 
Your ass is mine bitch.
And I'm not going anywhere!
You have pissed me off.
made me mad.
turned me sad.
But we made made an oath.
and said them to one another.
So for your missunderstanding.
Reactions and accusations.
No I will not say I'm sorry!

2012-03-09 03:30:41-

a bitch's anger

You...
Let it go too easily...
You...
Have taken everything from me
You...
Sidetracked from the possibility....
There's no escaping reality....

A simple apology....
For me...

-Yours

2012-03-09 02:45:24-

A-n-g-r-y

I don't even know or understand how to clear this mess up
I'm seething inside because You don't recognize it
The fact that You said something that made me feel less than human

When You always make me feel alive
I love You
But I dont like You right now
Just say You're sorry
For saying the word to me that twisted me sideways
You're allowed to make mistakes
Like me
I make a lot
It will all go away
I'll feel better
So will You
And I'll say I'm sorry for talking to You the way that I did
I was out of line
Way out of line

-Yours

2012-03-08 19:33:22-

a bitch from behind

I cannot stop thinking about You taking me from behind, my perfect formation of slut extraordinaire, a drooling wet mess on all fours, Your thrusts into me causing me to growl louder and louder, Your dominance shining through as You penetrate Your bitch deeper and harder. I want You to lock Your dick inside of me until I scream, or as You demand- until I am screaming for awhile.
You pulling my wet black lace panties aside, tearing through them and ripping them off, shoving them in my mouth to suck on and shut me up with.
You grabbing a fistful of my long hair,  yanking my head back into Your chest, my back arching- pushed to the limit of snapping, my head tilted back into You, my eyes glaring up into You from beneath, neck throttled and pressed outward, my slave collar pressed  into my protruding windpipe.
Breath coming in exasperated waves of bitch heat, my throat gurgling as You pummel me into further submission, Your words escaping harshly into my ear and against my neck, Your teeth digging into my neck until You taste blood.
My slave pussy covered in wet, Your leakage and my wanton drips coating us, barely able to hold on as You let my head go and force it down into the surface beneath me, Your hard throbbing dick showing me no mercy.
You pulling Yourself from me as I near the edge of orgasm, forcing  me to wait for Your command, leaving me in my position and demanding that I stay there and not move, my beaten ass projected straight up and out, my tits pressed hard and down, legs spread wide for Your convenience, my pussy an aching wet mess.
Spreading the lips of my face open with Your cock, You begin to feed me Your throbbing heat, pushing the head into my throat as You grasp each wrist and pull them behind my back and secure them there, locked and bound together.
Tethering them to my ankles You force my body downward as You bury the last of Your shaft into my hungry mouth. Running a chain back up from my ankles You secure it to the back of my collar...Your precum oozing out, sucking like a good bitch, knowing when to listen and when to please.
Gasping for air as my placement leaves me breathless against Your writhing sex You start to ejaculate and let me taste, allowing me to swallow like I very much enjoy, my reward spurting into my throat, against my tongue and as You withdraw from my mouth against my face.
Never for a moment forgetting who I am or what You have formed me into I accept everything from You. You grab my face and smear it into Your wet sex, both of us groaning until You finish, leaving me hungry to orgasm, and You walk away leaving me tethered and bound, a slutty dirty bitch, awaiting Your return for use.

-Yours

2012-03-08 02:47:49-

My Soft Hair

It's nothing like Your heart
My soft hair
My hair cascades around Your crotch
Your heart cascades around my soul
It restores my faith
In everything

-Yours

2012-03-07 03:55:55-

Sweet Dreams

Nite
Nite
Sweet Dreams

All Your words
Mean everything

I am hanging onto the corner of my chair
By my panties

What we shared tonight
You brought me back to where I needed to be

Every syllable
Of Your breath
In my ear
Across my cunt
I felt You
Right there

YOU
Alone
Solid
You did that for me

YOU
Alone
With me
Right next to me
Helpless as I was
Helpless with me

-Yours

Even angels have their way of extremes

I know exactly what You mean

What keeps me satisfied?

I won't blame the Lord for how hard I tried.

Maybe I'm a masochist

Or even a sadist

I like the way it hurts

And the way You don't lie

To me....

2012-03-06 03:41:05-

....

A....round
In....bound
Out....ward
For....ward

Up...heaval
Re....trieval
In....side
For....ever

Sssss....tuck....

The End


-Yours

This will need to be explained.

2012-03-06 03:20:44-

Offering And Request Of Acceptance Into Slavery- The Continuation

- i am Your slave amd Your owned property
- i am to obey any command given by You
- i will be trained in any manner that You wish
- i will submit to any punishment or form of discipline that You deem necessary
- i will wear or remove any article of clothing or instrument of bondage at any given time at Your command
- i will be marked or shaved in whatever manner You choose
- i will continue to strive to remain healthy in mind, body, and spirit in order to be at my best for You
- i will continue to gain as much knowledge as i can concerning the lifestyle in order to serve You properly
-i will respect You, care for You, and always keep Your best interest in mind
- i will not engage in any sexual act or intimate touching without Your permission
- i will tell the truth at all times
- i will inform You if i have broken any rules or agreements of which i am committing to


-Yours

2012-03-05 05:38:47-

Offering And Request Of Acceptance Into Slavery- The Response

This night would be the beginning.
i went forward with the mindset of a slave, for that was what i was to become.
The brief conversation leading up to the actual moment left me flustered. I felt as if i could not think straight because i was so concentrated on the upcoming moment and its importance.
You told me to enjoy the last minutes of my freedom and i responded with the truth i felt in my heart....
i've come to terms with the loss of my freedom.
i look at it as a gain.
It is a small sacrifice to me.
i meant every word.

i expected punishment tonight for past mistakes, but that was not my train of thought.
We opened with sincere words of the giving and accepting of each other, and i felt encased in a world of euphoria.
As You allowed me the pleasure of wrapping my slave collar around my neck i felt intertwined with You entirely, and i know as long as i uphold my end of our agreement, i will never be alone again.

Very quickly You moved me onto my first of punishments this evening.
i knew that You desired me entirely nude, clean and smooth below in the most secret of places to anyone else but not You, and tonight i was to perform that for You, but i also knew You were considering a plucking of sorts of my landing strip, as a punishment for touching myself without permission, and that is what You endured upon me.
On my knees, tweezers in hand, i took it like a good bitch, the pubic hairs of my past, each one being felt as You watched and directed me for my sin.
i thank You for allowing me the break in between and the drinking of water.

Your desire to aid me in breathing properly throughout the torture, which did not hurt at first, and then i saw small dots of blood. i continued because i knew that my small accomplishment would not satisfy You, and this is what i live for, even through punishment.
i deserved what i was being dealt and i knew it.
When i felt You would be satisfied with my offering of acceptance into sincere punishment i requested You examine my crotch for approval, which You did, and rewarded me with gratification. These are the words i serve to hear.

Onward we moved to the newly purhased paddles, the first for my pussy...a soft red velvet. You instructd me to draw attention from my tender pussy, newly plucked and sore, but not so much that i could not carry on. i forced my mind to push through the pain, knowing that it stemmed from my mistake, and the release of that guilt felt good deep inside of me. i did not want to carry it with me any longer and You allowed me to release it. Over and over again i continued to tenderize my untouched flesh, the flesh between my legs. i had not known that i would enjoy the feeling it gave me and You continued with me. i felt a sense of control with every motion of striking myself, and the shade of red presented made me feel beautiful.

i watched Your eyes.
You were intrigued, excited, controlled, and i now know hard for me.

The second of paddles was for my ass and this is the feeling that i know and relate to. A long firm wooden instrument of control which i was looking forward to. i can perform here, make You proud of the range of color this tool can bring out of the flesh. Repeatedly i struck at Your command. The swelling, the color change, visible to me without actually seeing it, until You shared a photo with me of my performance and Your demand. i was a proud and happy bitch. The pain of release beforehand had washed away. Over and over i struck, bent for Your pleasure, listening to You, looking back at You, falling to my knees, hands on head, back straight, head up, in the appropriate position of desire.

The request of the clips is still very tough for me at first, and sometimes throughout, but i know this is new to me, and i strive to impress. It is very important that my breathing be controlled throughout. It brings me back to where i need to be during this ritual. From the very first clip on one nipple i cringe with pain as it is placed. i hope to have and will continue to strive for total control with the placing and movement of these clips over my body.
One day, perhaps i will not need to be numbered in succession to remember the movement of our mathmatical equation.  i have learned that as each clip is placed, the pain of the one before disappears.  Most of my flesh can withstand the demand that You place on it with these clips. i think perhaps You do this to form me stronger but i do not know for sure.
i did feel very weak mentally, until i accomplished the total of 50 tonight, and i saw that You were so proud, and so was i. Up until that point i could feel each individual clip. It is very appreciated that You let me choose placement and removal every so often. It allows me a choice in the release of my own pain.

And so the second and final of punishments for the evening commences...
Rice...
i had thought about it most of the day, because i hadn't heard You mention it in awhile. i wondered what the need and signifigance for it was, and would it be needed tonight? i pushed it from my mind, until the moment You directed me to bring it out....
1 cup of dry rice...
Spread evenly on the tile floor...
Not the plastic...
The tile...
As i was doing this i then knew what was to come. My punishment for my missing journal entries. There were 3 to be exact and You even let one slide.
i asked for this harshness from You.

You instructed me to spread it evenly and made quite sure it was the way You requested before i proceeded. On my knees i lowered myself onto the rice, with perfect placement. i shifted quite a bit, trying so hard to accept the instant pain it induced, first on that exact spot, and eventually through my entire body. i quickly realized that shifting only brought more pain and i was better off staying in one spot and enduring my punishment.
i was so determined not to shake tonight, to show any sign of weakness, and i became scared as You requested me to tie my black scarf around my eyes, shutting me off from You, Your microphone off, not knowing if You were watching or if You would leave me here, and for how long, but i trusted You. One clip was placed on each nipple but it didn't even register compared to what was digging itself into the flesh of my knees.
After 10 minutes i broke...and i felt defeated.
The pain surrounded everything that i was and even after what i now know as 6 or 7 minutes i fought through that, and i felt like breaking then, but i endured.
i shook uncontrollably...
i caved...
i succumbed to the pain that i was no longer able to control in my mind....and melted onto the tile around the rice.
You were still proud....
I thank You for the feeling of relief and accomplishment that You expressed to me about it, saying i did better and lasted longer than You thought i would.

i will never forget a journal entry again.
i don't care if i am starving, thirsty, in the desert, with no reception and no connection to mankind....
It does amaze me though that i feel the bare tile floor on my knees is kind now.

And now my reward....

My chance to fulfill Your request of 20 clips on my pussy, in any placement i would like.
i placed them each with careful consideration after You allowed me to lay back on the bed, relaxed, soft surface, freedom from my knees, and i was the most grateful slave that ever crawled on this Earth.
You invited me to impress You and so i placed 8 more clips on my pussy and the pride shone throughout Your expression...
i loved seeing that expression....

You invited our new toy into the production, the vibrating dildo...and instructed me carefully, only allowing a certain speed and a certain depth, until it was time.
Time for the ultimate release, the reward for my giving to You, Your control of my orgasm.
As the speed increased so did the removal of each clip, the pleasure and the pain mixing in perfect unison.

i contracted.
i moaned.
i thrived.
i undulated.
You alowed me to push deeper and harder.
Thrusts of ecstasy pressing into our toy.
my release came in waves.
i allowed myself to be controlled.
my eyes met Yours.
The need washing over my body.
i sucked.
i tasted.
i enjoyed.....every moment with You tonight.

i released myself into Your control....
i am entirely Yours...for the taking....

Even now, 6 hours later...
my legs are sore
my nipples are raw
my pussy and ass are still red
my body is weak and still shaking gently
i am exhausted, in a good way
my mind is on auto pilot
i am bruised
i am loved

-Yours

2012-03-05 04:41:22-

Offering And Request Of Acceptance Into Slavery-The Request

i present myself to You as Your submissive, exposing my naked flesh, which encompasses my mind, my body, my heart, my spirit, and my soul.
i am offering these things to You with the hope that You will accept this bitch with complete ownership as Your slave.

i accept that i am to be obedient at all times and turn control of my life over to You. i understand that You are the Master of my decisions and hold freedom of control as my owner. i know that this is the best for me.

i promise to remain devoted and loyal to only You and  i understand that i am making a serious commitment in requesting that You hold my life in Your hands as a human being and as Your slave.

i submit to You without hesitation or resistence with the hope that You will allow me the honor of serving You and sharing Your life with You.

-Yours

I TopRock will accept you to become My slave.
you will serve, honor, and obey in any situation and be ready for Me at any time except times discussed...i.e. work.
you will willingly place your entire life, existence, feelings, and emotions into my trust to use as I see fit or necessary!

your tears, pain, suffering, pleasure, happiness, hunger, and orgasms are no longer yours to decide or dwell on.

your mind and body, inside and out are My property to use as I judge and decide.

you may question My actions and even disagree. I will listen to your reasons. If I find them agreeable then I will find a solution. If I don't see that your reasons are justified then we will continue without complaint. If you refuse and the reaons are to Me, unjustified then the penalty and punishment will be severe.

As to My obligations as your Dom and Mentor, I will use My knowledge and judgement to better and enhance you and your life in ways that I see fit and agreed on in discussions between us. However, I have the final word at all times and can change things along as it is to an enhancement in the short or long term.

As My slave you may not break our agreement but can request a release but this can only be done after discussions of the reason and trial of solutions and with My full agreement. If I don't find your reasons agreeable then your request is void and you will remain in My possession.

I as your Dom and Mentor can dismiss you as i see fit but reasons will be stated but also only after repeated attempts to solve the apparent issues.

Do you agree to these terms to have the honor of becoming My slave and property?


i do Sir. Thank You for accepting me into slavery as Yours. I am honored to serve You and belong to You.

2012-03-03 23:34:03-

Pandora's Box

Spilled from the Earth as a vengeance
Split by the water for He
Created with curiousity, Her hope in a jar
Punishment inflicted from She
All giving the mighty Pandora
Wrapped within blankets of three
I'm reminded the mighty Pandora
Is closely related to me

The box was only a vision
The gifts were only a game
Bounded by intrigue, the plague in the jar
The world gone slowly insane
All gifted the mighty Pandora
Severed from life's simple reign
I've seen the mighty Pandora
Living Her life caught in shame

I once was the mighty Pandora
Covered in fire from flame
I'm no longer the mighty Pandora
Punishment releases my pain

-Yours

2012-03-03 03:38:21-

I Dream In Color

Gone are the days of black & white
The red filled skies that contain no light
You and i are on the perfect flight
In the blue sky of my redemption

i dream in color
We melt together
An addicting blend of crimson
My rounded curves
Bleed into lines
Along Your sea of solution

The purple haze of lust filled days
The lessons of hardened truth
Grown from the soil of dirt filled hollows
Rises nothing but filled chartreuse

i dream in color
We form our splendor
Each other's clear filled air
Your perfect lead
Collared to me
In raptured resolution

-Yours

2012-03-02 05:26:24-

You say I have changed...in what way?

Yesterday you tryed so hard to make sure this task was complete...
Today you must of fallen asleep!
You say I have changed...in what way?

You have opened my eyes....
opened me and let somthing out that can not be stoped
My dominance my will to achieve and to point to guid and lead
You down a path that has many twists and turns
no end in site.
But that's not needed as its you that is my aim
your perfection my burden
Your mind my worry.
Yes I will lead,
yes I will guid,
yes I will fight,
yes I will write,
But obove all I am willing
and strong enough
To take hold of you life
move on the positive
And push away negotive
But you need to want
You need to need
you must be strong
You must be determinded
Or all that we done will be for nothing.

I let myself be led off the path maybe tonight by someone who has no understanding of what we/ You/ I am trying to achieve
I look at it as what we are trying to accomplish as good and outside distractions as evil
Maybe I am just very tired
Maybe I am allowing myself to be pulled into too many directions
I need to get rid of atleast one direction because I am becoming worn down
I do not want our direction to be the one I am rid of

I fell asleep tonight after I crawled in bed to talk with You
I couldn't even stay awake anymore
I tried

I do want this
I need it
I need You
For guidance
For strength
For determination
For punishment
For love
To open my mind
My heart
My body
And my soul

I think we are both changing
It's not a bad way to be
Just a long path
I will make mistakes and become exhausted at times
This will never be all for nothing
I may disappoint You no matter how hard I try
But I will never quit
I will never let You down

I love You in the deepest of ways

-Yours

That's all I needed to know!

2012-03-01 06:32:43-

Today's Plans-Tomorrow's Realities

It's late
i am weary
But my plans include You, until all of my responsibility for the day comes to an end.

Today seemed so long and early on i missed You more than usual.

That feeling seemed to dissipate as the night went.
i am sensing a slight pattern of that with coming back home. i think it is perhaps because i lose certain freedoms with You during those times.

my day started wonderfully and You always wake me in the sweetest ways.
Work was grueling today, probably because i'm not feeling well.

Everyday will get better though.

Today i made You a shower video, which You seemed to have loved so i will make sure i create some precious hot memories for You that way more often.
The next video will be as You instructed, a clean perfect shave in order to leave me smooth and entirely exposed for Your pleasure.
i enjoyed our time together tonight and starting the chase of my toy, along with a visit back to chat lobby, the place where You bestilled my heart and my mind, the place where it all began.
You asked me awhile ago if i still had our original poetic encounter and at that time i returned there to check, and it was still there. I returned to yahoo to inform You and when I went back later that day, the first part of our conversation was gone and i could not get it back.

i did however recover some of it which i will post on yak for You tomorrow(my time).
There will also be a start of movement of the journal to secure our thoughts and i await the arrival of our new Internet/phone controlled toy.

You have changed my world, stirred my emotion, expanded my mind, caused my stomach to flip, my groin to throb, and my heart to flutter.
i thank You Sir, for all that You do for me.
Now, it is time for this good bitch to sleep.

Sweet Dreams Sir.....

2012-02-29 01:07:57-

me

A
bitch
Created
Devoted
Eager
Fortunate
Grateful
Horny
Impressionable

Joyful
Kinky
Loving
Mischievous
Naughty
Optimistic
Playful
Quintessential
Respectful
Subservient
Truthful
Undeniable
Virtuous
Wondrous
Xrated
Yearning
Zealous

-Yours

Ambitious
Excitable
Wet
Sexy
Hot
Obidiant
Honorable
Hardworking
Pleaseing
But the best of all.....Mine!

You make my heart skip beats Sir.

2012-02-28 03:20:07-

I will not

I will not be distracted from my focus
Because we came together
And it felt so good and so real
I will not be distracted from my purpose
Because You allowed me to know You
A little bit deeper
I wlll not be distracted from my reason
Because I am somewhere else at any given time

And You are somewhere different

I will not be or allowed the shame
Of being called a stupid bitch
Because I am not and You didn't remind me
I will not be anything
But Your bitch
Focused
Attention driven
Real
In love

-Yours

2012-02-27 09:50:40-

Beautiful bitch.

What a Beautiful bitch, face steaming with tears and glowing smile,
The smile of release
not from pain as I kneew you still hurt.
But from sorrow and shame and pain of failure,
As I explained what you had just achieved
The overcoming of personal fear and loss of control.
I secensed you slipping as you resisted at first to trust my words
As you cried the words please I can't three times if not more
I harshness this moment and harshened my tone
Not to much...just enough to snap you back to the here  and now.
To calm and breath listen and obey.
As you did I took my time an watched you closely
Your body quiver your tears stream I let you wait to regain and compose.
Buy which time you had already overcome what a moment ago seemed so far away
You had taken my hand and let me lead you over the first of many lines.
And after, the satisfaction of you reward at last, your realeas of cum pain and fear...

Will you follow me on....my beautiful bitch!

2012-02-27 04:50:19-

clothes-pin, close-pin

That one little instrument made from wood brought us together
That clamp that cost me $1.75 for 50
I thought I had an idea of what it entailed, but I really didn't
What I thought and imagned was so far from the truth
The truth about how I feel,  how I really feel, and now I am full throttle
You made me cry because it hurt and I said I can't, but You showed me that I can

I can do all the things that I believe in
You make me stronger, stronger than I've ever been
It was a closed pin, a clothes pin, and a close pin

Cumming for You was beautiful
The spanking

The surreal feeling that surrounded me
The pain and release of the clothes pin

My nipples and my cunt
They are used
I like them this way
Raw
Tender
Worthy

I am happy because I found my place in the world with You

Goodnight, sweet Sir..
And thank You
Thank You, for everything
You know what this means for me, for You, for us...

-Yours

What a Beautiful bitch, face steaming with tears and glowing smile,
The smile of release
not from pain as I kneew you still hurt
But from sorrow and shame and pain of failure
As I explained what you had just achieved
The overcoming of personal fear and loss of control

I secensed you slipping as you resisted at first to trust my words
As you cried the words please I can't three times if not more
I harshness this moment and harshened my tone
Not to much...just enough to snap you back to the here  and now.
To calm and breath listen and obey
As you did I took my time an watched you closely
Your body quiver your tears stream I let you wait to regain and compose
Buy which time you had already overcome what a moment ago seemed so far away

You had taken my hand and let me lead you over the first of many lines.
And after, the satisfaction of you reward at last, your realeas of cum pain and fear...

Will you follow me on....my beautiful bitch!

2012-02-26 03:47:58-

I don't see who You are

I don't see who You are
I don't know if it's because of me or because of You
I depend on You to be strong

And I depend on You to make sure that I know that I am Your priority just like You are mine

I don't feel that I am right now
And I guess it's not for me to determine
I don't make the rules.... I just follow them, and get hurt

-Yours

2012-02-25 16:06:07-

am I worthy?

Am i even worthy to be Your slave?
It felt like we were on such a good path, rather that i was on such a good path and then took a step backwards. You are always on a good path.
i HATE disappointing You! I HATE disappointing myself! How did i forget so easily, again!?
It is my nightly routine to write in the journal and i forgot, a second time!
i feel the punishment already, being called a stupid bitch. It's already creeping into my flesh with words alone.
Ever since our brief conversation this morning i have felt almost defeated, the energy sucked from within myself. i almost cried.
i would rather be beaten, and i fear what is coming my way, but i accept whatever it is and will take it as bad as it gets. It will restore my pride and serve as a reminder that i am not a stupid bitch and i need to stop acting like one.
i do not know how much it means but...
i am truly sorry Sir.

-Yours

Added by your Sir.

Your right!
You should stop acting like a stupid bitch and pulll yourself together!
I know your not but you need to think through your day as you get ready for it and at the end of the day before you get into bed think back a to see what you what you did do of your morning plans, how that turned out and what you have missed.

Joking and playing around is fine but don't take your eye off the ball.

2012-02-24 03:17:34-

For You~untitled

A submissive's night is spent alone
Washed throughout underneath Your throne
Holy water enslaved to tears
The flood of misery banished from many years
she suffocates, she falls
And now she crawls
You lift, You believe
her love is conceived

A submissive's night is spent alone
Nowhere else but beside Your throne
Epic breath turned to lust
The adoration born only to trust
she breathes, she stands
Lives for demands
You adore, You embrace
A newly born face

And so, a submissive's night is spent alone
Forever encased within Your throne...
Everything i shall ever be
You are now a part of me
i will never be alone
i am encased within Your throne

-Yours

2012-02-22 16:22:44-

More than ive ever known

You allowed me to sleep last night. I was so tired and You recognized that, because You take the time to know who I really am.
You punish me when I deserve it and You don't punish me when I don't
You allow me to serve every desire You feel and allow me the freedom to live my life

You humble me and teach me the meaning of my purpose
You respect me and demand mine in return, and I have learned that You no longer must demand it, you deserve it, and I would never not give that to You.
I want to give it to You.
You want the very best for me and help me understand how I can be that for You
You encase me in a world which I have felt was unattainable for so very long, and I am right where I need to be.
You run through my veins like blood, Your love is like oxygen to me.
I feel I can no longer breathe without You.
Whatever You need I shall give to You

-Yours

2012-02-22 00:35:08-

Thursday

Thursday is approaching and I am excited and nervous with anticipation.
This is the day I am to give myself entirely to You
to involve and impress You
to show You how much I adore and care for You
to show You how bad I can be.

Thursday I will share everything that I am and be the best and most beautiful that I can.
I will not forget Your requests up until now...

Rice-1cup
A ball of string
A bag of clothes pins

I fear the clothes pins
The not knowing

I wanted to keep the permanent marker words painted on myself
I wonder what I can draw for You on Thursday that will be pretty, that will make You smile.

Thursday will bond us closer together and I want nothing more.

-Yours

2012-02-20 19:50:14

Every multiple direction

I feel like there are so many directions I am being pulled and I don't want to go any other way but with You.
This is my time, our time, after everything, after all i have done, after everything I have been through.
I only want to be with You.
All of these people that surround me, all of the pull....
And all I want is to be around You.

Servicing You
Wanting and needing You
Performing for You
Impressing You
Securing Your serenity and tranquility

You draw me closer everyday, every hour, every minute

I find myself waiting for You
I find myself thinking about You
I find myself wanting You
I find myself existing because of You

I am now a part of You
I am myself and You
I am nothing, without You
I am frozen, in time, and I wait for You

-Yours

2012-02-20 01:49:04

i was not built to break

i was not built to break...
i am built to split in two...
Part of me for me, and all of me for You...

Undo me
Bring it into You
Completely
I am ready
That steady
Love
i am always with You....


-Yours

Very nice.

2012-02-19 01:01:05-

Breathe-third person

Just breathe.
Start slow and easy.
Draw in deep and let it go.
Take your time.
Settle down, into yourself, and who you are.
Control your body and your mind.

Do it again.

And then once more.

Remember what you are becoming.

Remember again.

And then once more.

Do not detract.

If you fall You will be picked up, by Him.
He will lead you in the proper direction and form you stronger than you've ever been.
Afterall, it is to His benefit, and yours, Y/yours together.

Tell Him how you feel.
He cares.
He teaches you how to breathe.
He breathes with you.


-Yours

2012-02-18 12:48:23-

my mistake

I fucked up.
I thought by trying to handle last night by myself that I would keep You from a very painful event that I was dealing with and continue to deal with.
I should have told You what was going on...
I should have remembered that You are in control...
I should have allowed You to help me...
I should have not been afraid...

You are my Master...

I will never keep You from anything...again.

I am afraid of Your anger towards me at this moment...
I am not afraid if the punishment I may receive.

I am afraid that You will leave me, and I will be left alone and with nothing.
I need to remember this feeling the next time I do not share with You what is going on, and that I am grateful I have You in my life.

-Yours

2012-02-18 05:34:50-

Fist missing day in your diary!

This Diary is ment to be for my bitch to write down her thoughts, feelings, fears, problems and so forth..
You seem to have had some problems today... But you have closed your self off to me, not answering not talking not opening your self up to me!
And you have not enter any thing here!

I AM your Master!
I am here to  you build you anew, protect and care for you and Listen advise and guid you.
After all we have discused and debated and promised. You can't talk to me when somthing happens......this makes me extremely disappointed!
how can I help if you hide?

I'm trying hard not to let my disappointment turn to anger... What is it that's so bad?

........Gareth.

2012-02-17 05:26:11-

Your first touch

The day was long but not long enough apparently...
You decided that I was a force to be reckoned with and ten minutes in, I KNEW and learned very quickly that You were the force.

I offered You a part of my body that was conditioned to being handled. Life swelled there mamy times before previously and You knew it. You knew it before I jutted my gentle hips out to You. You knew when Your hand made my ass glow in deep colors of crimson, and then You displayed Yourself across other parts of my flesh, parts unseen, like virgin territory You dominated me. I knew I was Your slut before this session of grateful pain, but I now realized it.
I was so thankful that You came into my life to show me the way. I dripped tears of pain and joy in gratitude and when they ran down my tender face they tasted like pain and pleasure both.
You took everything I thought that I was and slowly... methodically melted it into nothing. You took everything I thought i was and started from anew. You created a new, breathing, better than life creature full of humility and shame. You showed me, or rather taught me how to be humble, to accept what I am, and to be proud and confident.
At first, when taken to the limit of my ass with Your hand I assumed You were finished with me. A quick and hasty experience that would prove Your selfishness.

I realized at the end....

After You broke me down, after You used my flesh, after You brought feeling to other parts of my untouched flesh that You in all actuality did the opposite of what I thought You were doing during the process...

You brought me to life...
You humbled me...
You made me realize that You are in control, and that I do not desire  to breathe without You next to me, guiding me, leading me, breaking me down and turning me into the creature I was always meant to be.
I am humbled by Your presence, and the first time You touched me will never be forgotten.

-Yours

Beautifully  poetic and well written.

There is more about you and your daily ups and downs, feelings, emotions I need to see here as well. How you delt and felt in difrent situations how you reacted, was it right, could you of done or handeld it better?

2012-02-16 05:13:11-

my first entry

You created something just for me, and that makes me feel very special and valued.

It will allow me to express myself and share my feelings, thoughts, days events, emotions, desires and dislikes, needs, wants, goals, passions, lust filled words that fill my mind when I think about You, and us.

There is so much to accomplish on the path we have decided to explore together, and while parts of me are scared, my entire being trusts You 100%.
I want You to know that my life is bright and beautiful, because You are in it and my desire is to please and satisfy You.

-Yours

Very nice start to your diary and our journey...I'm looking forward to the many steps we will take togeather. ....I can hardly believe I found you....MY bitch.