I make some of the weirdest connections to things sometimes. I was watching a modern marvels documentary on Nikola Tesla earlier today. Amazing guy with a fascinating story. How history seemed to forget the man for so long is almost beyond me, considering everything he did and how much of what he accomplished and invented affects our lives today. Of course that's where the strange connections come in. You ladies should thank god for Tesla. Inventor of the modern AC electric motor. Where would we be with our vibrator situation if we didn't have him to thank? I couldn't help but wonder how many Tesla patents go into a Hitachi. These are the kinds of things I think about.

You know, on a "lifestyle" note (I really dislike the term) It has been my thinking that I would buy more toys when I found a sub or slave to use them on. Why invest in that expense if they are just going to sit in a box or in the closet anyway? I still believe that might be the case, sadly enough. Lately though I decided to purchase a few items to bolster my collection and I am curious to see if that might increase interest in me an my profile or not. I could see making a case for wanting someone who demonstrated they are serious about Ds and S&M based on the investment they are willing to make into it. So a variety of whips, floggers, clamps and other tools now sit in the closet along with some of the home built devices I have come up with thanks to the local hardware store. I love the hardware store. Most guys do, but in my case.. lets just say I'm not putting in new tile in the kitchen. I hope they don't stay there long.

In completely unrelated news I discovered that ice cream on top of warm banana bread is absolutely fantastic.

I want to see this new Enders Game movie. It is one of my all time favorite books and I really really hope they don't completely screw it up. I'm not as much a fan of the other several books in the series, it seemed to kind of wander into a weird direction. I think I came to know and care about and even empathize with Ender and having him just kind of disappear and then switch vantage points to Peter and Val was a little jarring. We go from kind of hating Peter to basically spending 4 books with him and not much focus on Ender. Like watching the first Indiana Jones movie thinking it would be an amazing series, then watching 4 Tomb Raider movies with Lara Croft while Indy makes a few cameos. Doesn't mean Peter or Lara aren't interesting characters, but that isn't why we are reading or watching those specific things.

I drink a lot of coffee and coke. Not together, that would be disgusting. At least I think it would be disgusting but I can't actually know for sure since I haven't, in fact, tried it.

I think the reason I do, and am always up so late is because I hate the idea of missing out on something, or doing something better with my time. Sleep is necessary, but in a way its so.. wasteful. I hate it. Even doing something as innocuous as watching a how to video on YouTube is more useful to me. At least I can learn something new or see something interesting.

Why do we allow ourselves to live in a fear-driven society? Honestly, makes me wonder what use social culture actually is. Should society be based on fear? Is that the best tool to use to direct our path as a society as a whole? Most effective?

Today "rape culture" pervades campus grounds to the point that males make up far lower percentages of student bodies than female due to concern over the idea that they will be singled out or unjustly accused of a crime that culturally and legally is very difficult for even innocent males to combat. I can't blame them.

In the family home fear drives by preying on the desire to "keep the children safe" at all costs. How many times have we heard we need a new regulation or new law or new oversight in the name of child safety?

Consider the knee jerk reaction one is faced with when so called vanilla individuals face particular fetishes or kinks? Why so much fear? It cannot possibly be healthy for individuals or society. Its no better than Hobbes natural state but in a different and more paranoid direction. At least in a Hobbesian society you would have reason for paranoia. That seems the be the root of the issue. Reason is seriously lacking and society allows itself to be directed by emotion instead.

Today on facebook an individual I attended high school with posted a statement that "All child molesters should be publicly beaten to death". I have seen the same sort of statements regarding rape and other "heinous" crimes. Emotionally people seem to agree with these sorts of statements but are they logically or reasonably sound? I submit the answer is no, I do not believe rapists or child molesters should be executed in any fashion (this assumes the debate on capital crime is not at issue and we accept for arguments sake that it is just). Does this cause your heart to leap or lead you to believe I am an uncaring monster? It should not. I would indicate that perhaps you ought review the question logically. Consider that in the event of a rape or molestation, if that is the only crime, there is a witness and the likelihood of the criminal to be successfully prosecuted is much higher than if no witness were available. If the crime of rape or molestation were subject to punishment equal to or exceeding that of murder, you would not reduce the number of rapists or molesters. You would simply increase the number of murderers. The crimes of rape and molestation would still occur but the outcome would result more often in the death of the victim than is currently the case. The deterrent would not exist as being caught would result in the same sanction and the odds of being caught would reduce significantly with a lack of victim to testify or obtain other evidence from.

Should we as individuals defy this sort of social norm? Indeed if we take issue with it do we have a moral duty to defy it? In what form and how so? To what extreme? Education seems key to all of these questions but in modern society the driving force behind education (and social norms) is modern media, which whether liberal or conservative is biased to some degree and thus probably not reliable as a source to use for said education or moral discussion. Speaking for myself I seem left with little choice other than to defy current moral code where it seems to be illogical in my view, within laws that I am not willing to violate based on the negative consequences of said lawbreaking. It would appear that it is necessary to adopt certain social norms and live within them as doing otherwise, if adopted by all, would result in social anarchy which would be a detriment to the individual in the long run. Enter cultural relativism and the solipsism that results from that when taken to its individualistic logical extreme.

Ultimately all I can say is that I refuse to be driven by fear and paranoia. Life is to be lived, not hidden and shied away from based on unreasonable paranoia and socially adopted paranoia.

This has been a very enjoyable day so far. I have some ten days of vacation that must be used before the beginning of August and since I was rewarded with a half day of paid time off in addition for perfect attendance, I took half the day today as well as Monday. This allows me to have the entire weekend too. Some may find that odd to say but I usually work seven days a week. A weekend off is a major event.

Because of my work schedule I am going to be cleaning this disaster of an apartment since no one will put on a maids uniform and attend to the need in my stead. Also plan to cut my own hair and feed my snake tomorrow. She seems restless and keeps eying the cat. The cat isn't helping, sitting in front of the terrarium like that all the time.

I don't watch a lot of television but with Dr Who back on the air I plan to catch up there as well, given time. Apparently I have more plans than I initially thought. The nature center and state game keep whispering seductively to me and I would like to go fishing. The weather should be excellent for it this weekend.

I do hope anyone reading this has an enjoyable weekend as well.

What a miserable day, and considering it was a Monday that is saying something. Of course given that I have not had a day off from work in the last several weeks Mondays are hardly differentiated from any other at this point. I digress.

I was so exhausted last night that when I finally arrived home and showered, (which presently is the best part of my day), I fell asleep before I even thought to remove my contacts and had not the foresight to place my phone on its charger. When I awoke I had a rather unpleasant morning. Thankfully I have glasses to wear and given the brightness outside when I depart for work I was gratified to have transition lenses. Between the contact fiasco and the sun I may otherwise have gone blind.

Work was a bit slow and text conversations rather limited but I had a fine success after arriving home. Yahoo messenger ads have been successfully and permanently removed from my computer. Screw you yahoo. Your advertisements shall not be missed. If you want to know how to do the same, message me, and be superlatively benevolent in your request. It isn't so difficult you need a comp sci degree to accomplish but you must be capable of following directions.

Financial Domme (n): A weak,  baselessly self-aggrandizing, morally corrupt, manipulative cam whore stripper who lacks the talent to dance on a stage.

Is there a general misunderstanding of the idea of sadism? It seems that when the term sadist is used it conjures to the mind the image of the uncontrolled psychotic, the socially inept anti-social who is crucifying his neighbors cat in the back yard or setting fire to innocent wildlife for the pure joy of the pain and chaos that it brings. Society seems to see the individual as being in deep personal anguish and is so unenlightened about himself that he must bring pain to others in a sad and tragic attempt to coerce others into identifying with that same internal conflict, to feel what he is feeling.

The opposite seems to be generally true of the masochist in that society tends to see these individuals as helpless victims unable to protect themselves from a mad world. It seems to be believed that the masochist endures pain as some form of self punishment and self hate and that only in harming herself or allowing herself to be harmed can she atone for who she is, believing that she deserves this agony for some self-loathing reason.

The masochist finds pleasure in pain and that should not be so difficult to comprehend. Surely you have had an orgasm that was so intense it was painful in some ways? She doesn't endure it, but enjoys it. It is not as if each lash of a whip or teeth of a whartenburg wheel brings a tickle or sexual peak, it may not be a sense of pleasure but it is pleasing to her. In some cases even (and hopefully) to the point of positive sexual stimulation. I can easily imagine myself approaching a seated woman at a desk, resting my hands on her shoulders, sliding them down her arms, and scratching the sensitive skin of her wrists, just to turn her on. That is my idea of foreplay.

Isn't it possible that the two are not, in fact, misanthropic mal-adjusted people and both can function perfectly well in society without causing undue harm to anyone?

As a person with very strong sadistic tendencies, even though I understand societies general attitude toward the concept, I am still awestruck by the reaction the admission to being a sadist seems to engender. It shouldn't even be an admission but rather a descriptor like any other. Male, female, white, short or hairy. I have no desire to cause pain or loss to any person who would not enjoy the experience, and I am socially well adjusted enough to know whom the people who may enjoy the experience are because I engage them first. I have a job, I pay my taxes, I have no criminal history and if you were to talk to me your first thought would likely not be "shit, he's a sadist". In fact you wouldn't even know. Why is this even something that must be defended?

As a sadist there are those I care about and have had sexual relationships with that I could never cause significant pain in a stimulating fashion. Most submissives enjoy the feel of a light whipping or spanking, perhaps even being slapped but I do not view this as masochism in its purest form. It is simply another intense physical sensation that is enjoyed to a limited degree and can heighten other sensations. If I were to take that further step into the world of sadistic enjoyment and the submissive did not find those levels of pain to be pleasing or satisfying I would feel guilt to the point that it would ruin the experience and end my enjoyment of the scenario as well. Enjoying the company of a masochist brings with it a sense of liberation and freedom, the ability to enjoy what I am knowing that I am satisfying her needs as well, with no guilt or regret.

Additionally I am of the mindset that sadism is not limited only to the physical form but can be wielded on the psychological and emotional levels, often times to even more pleasing and satisfying effect. I find that I revel in analyzing another persons thought processes, insecurities, desires and hopes and using that information against them (or for them!), sometimes in the form of manipulation, some in other ways. I like to fuck with peoples minds because there is no better kind of fucking; if it is to mutual benefit. Creating a sense of vulnerability toward me or in themselves is extraordinarily satisfying.

It is a common phrase "the eyes are the doorway to the soul". I have found that there are two scenarios in which this is true and the door is very much wide open. The first is in the throes of orgasm and the second is in the grip of agony. When you look into the eyes of someone in pain, perhaps in sickness or chronic illness most humans form an understanding or bond with that person in that moment. You empathize with them and understand their thoughts and wants and the well of emotion crying out for the pain to end. You can in a metaphorical sense see their soul, their self. I also would empathize and would find no pleasure in that situation. If you (the non-sadist) were to look into the eyes of a masochist in the throes of pain you would empathize with their pain but you would hardly understand where the door led. I find great joy and pleasure in looking into those eyes and that is by no means cruel when I know it brings a sense of grounding, self, catharsis or centering to us both. Some of the most erotic things I have ever seen are from beautifulagony.com. There is no nudity or hardcore pornographic material, it is simply a camera looking at the face of a woman as she orgasms. When she looks into the camera at that moment it is one of the most intense things I have ever witnessed. I have a thing for the eyes in these situations and I almost wish I could find models and start a similar site based on S\M and a mix of forced and denied orgasm.

I am certain this argument and dissection of these ideas has been made before nor do I think my analysis is particularly deep or all encompassing but various discussions brought it to my mind and I wished to put my thoughts to paper. If you didn't like it you shouldn't have read it. Too late now.

All I have to say to Collarme right now is: Adblock plus for the win.

Every time I feed my cat she waits and stands at her bowl. She will not eat, at all, until I pet her first. Two pets and then she starts eating. See why I love my cat so much?

It has been quite some time since I was last on Collarme. It doesn't look like much has changed. I see a lot of the same users on which can be a good sign. It at least means the CM community is going strong generally speaking. It has been so long I didn't realize how old my pictures were (or how bad, hah). So I updated that today with a shot of me after work. I've been working a lot of hours at a job I started at almost three years ago in an iron foundry. It's been going strong and keeping me busy but it also makes keeping up on here more difficult. I recently moved from the finishing department into a quality tech position and gives me access to lab work. I am also a nerd and science suits me so this is a good move and pays better.

Anyway, I will wax eloquent or silly or obnoxious depending on my mood some other time. If you want to chat go ahead and message me. I bite, but only in person.