Hubycurious2play

Yes I am a married man who lives a vanilla life with nobody knowing of this nearly 30 year old desire I long once again fulfill serving a Mistress with a stern yet understanding of how one complements the other. I have also looked to fulfilling as a submissive to a couple with a strong curiousity to experiencing bi.
I had a very unique experience as a young 18 year old many years ago. I have always desired to enjoy servanthood.
I am married to a good caring woman who just is not interested in very much even wanting to understand my need to serve. I do not know if this is a submissive or slave desire. I do know I desire. I serve my wife in so many ways but she is unable or just not interested.
Ok back to when I was openned up to so much the week after my 18th B-day. I was groomed for approximately 5 years prior by a very respectable woman in our community starting in 1973-1978. I did many chores for her learning to cook, clean, shop, paint, year work, sewing, ironing, washing her clothes and putting them away. She even had trusted me to work around her home as she worked all day. I remember as I put her clothes away I would find many Lingerie outfits many times Id feel them and they each had a unique aroma of perfume which to this day I have yet to enjoy. I did many other things she needed around her home while earning money. She never attempted anything with me nor lead me to believe she wanted to. She did dress very reserved working in the buisness world. When working around her yard she would many times as I grew older where lower cut tops and higher tighter fitting clothes. She was very well respected like I said and since she lived next door and knew my family well my helping her around her home or going with her to store was normal. When I turned 18 things changed and it wasn't until I was older did I realized what I had been groomed for. I remember cleaning her floor a week after my 18th birthday and she walked up to me in one of the lingerie outfits I had fondled for several years. She walked right up to me as I was kneeling using a scraper on her floor. Like always for the last 5 years I did everything she instructed me to do but now when I had not fulfilled her requirements I found her beauty to be exalted in her sterness and discipline. So I miss that which I once had experienced in my life. I am on here hoping to find one friend to at least speak with time to time. I am very discreet will always be very respectful. I have spoken with several women and some men, and enjoyed conversation. I have not posted a photo but does not mean I would not share my photo once I feel I could trust that one person who may understand what it is I have struggled with for years. If you decide you would enjoy spaeking with me time to time I will find your reply and if your not interested please tell me and and input from you will be listened to.

I have yet to discover who I am a slave, submissive or both. I have always struggled with a vanilla life and my previous employment of 2 decades and my current marriage to a very beautiful loving woman who is very not interested and has not been for many years due to medical issues, has not allowed me to experience all I have longed for and to be. I had previously worked in a position of authority over 3 decades where I was placed into situations where using restraints, confinement, non lethal and lethal weapons, intertwined with mind control and so many other various implements of control. Pain was also used as a tool for compliance, I always attempted to bring all conflict to a resolution of peace. My reason here has come from a desire of needing to once again be submissive with a very deep need to serve. My hope is speaking with others who have discovered their place, that I may find that long awaited journey maybe with someone nearby who is in a similar situation and needs discretion. I am always open to all direction and criticisms understanding this may further my journey and fulfillment.
Don

RECENTLY IN 2007 I MET A HIGH SCHOOL FRIEND I NEVER KNEW HERE IS WHAT HAPPENED.
I have a Tens Unit with 4 main settings with multiple settings in each, 4 leads, battery or plug in, I have a belt pouch for mobile use. I have used in public with no one knowing but I. One day at a restraunt a woman did know that I was using the Tens unit. I had just sat down to eat alone. She did approach me and sat across from me at the table during my meal. I could tell she knew what I was doing which was making her lose her mind knowing we were the only two there and didnt even know each other (I thought) yet we both knew we were being stimulated. She told me she was wearing a butterfly, which at the time I didnt know what it was. She slipped off her shoes and then placed her feet across from her right againist me, she said she could feel the mild stimulation and asked if she could see the device on table. Of course I said since it is in a large pouch on my belt and normal to see with people believing it is for my back, I placed on the table she grinned and had me explain how it worked. I could see her breathing and her now wet finger which had disappeared time to time under the table and came up wetter each time. I had the setting at 19 which goes to 50 and everything else dialed in to where the intenseness builds for hours until I am back at home able to crank it up and explode. Her foot now causing me to move and breath deeper is all over my groin. She begins to slowly turn the tens unit up causing me to beg her not to ever so quietly. I asked her name she replied its not necessary to know each others name since it is our souls which are going to meet soon. With that she said she was going to now turn her butterfly up and reached down came back up tasting her fingers. I could almost taste her sweetness. She was approximately 45 yrs old 5'10" long red hair thick, deep green eyes dressed in a very nice buisness dress form fitting. Her feet now pressed firmly againist me under the table causing the electorde leads to make a more effective contact. She cranked me up and looking into each others eyes in the middle of Black Angus restraunt we both had one of the most intense orgasmic lunches in our life. Thank goodness they have the high back booths. I was a mess and luckly I had on thick cotton shorts under my jeans and a long jacket to wear since I had to still walk out of there. The waitress came over and asked us if everything was ok since I had not touched anything on my plate and she never ordered cause she came over to my table. We said all was fine while still enjoying that connection we encountered looking into each others eyes. She reached over the table as she got up to leave softly kissing my cheek thanking me. She whispered into my ear saying my name and she had now fulfilled her long time desire with me from high school and if I wanted to know who she was just remember the redheaded girl who always tried to sit across from me during lunch hoping we may talk. This totally blew my mind cause then it hit me I knew who she was but I never asked her name. I did go back through the year book and now know. This happened in Southern California this past year.