HisPixie11709

Patrick was given his two week notice today. He's being laid off. I felt really bad for him.

He is one of their best workers and since he's been there the shortest, he is the one getting laid off.

When he got home he told me and I hugged him and looked at him and said, "This is an opportunity for you to do what you really want to." and from that we started to talk. He has been in love with my idea of a scooter delivery, and he wants to go into business with me.

(Yes, I know, I am going to write up a contract and find a lawyer to read over it and what not, have it notarized when he signs it, I'm not letting him screw me over. Not again.)

Basically my idea is this: you are in a position at which you can not leave to go to get something you need, be it a gallon of milk, a box of nails, or a piece of paper across town(we assume no one knows what a fax is). You call me. I either: a) take whatever it is and receive payment right then and take it where it is needed, or b)go to grocery store, buy items needed, take you the receipt with a second receipt that says how much you owe me, and you pay me.

Either way, you get what it is you needed.

Any ideas on what I should charge? I was looking at like 3 to 4 dollars depending on size/weight of objects and then the distance needed to go. I'd be glad to take suggestions.

I feel like someone took a shotgun and held it to my chest and fired. 

So it's been a little over a month and a half and I am still trying to get over Patrick. I'm not completely okay nor I am just little miss fucking happy all the time. Not yet. And it's not only Patrick that is  bothering me. It's the kids. I mean I've been doing this for almost two years and I am a little attached, and when he goes out for a playdate and i'm no longer apart of that family. It bothers me. A lot. The irrational part of me demands him back and still is clinging on to him. Yet the rational part says, "He can go fuck himself for all I care..." and wants to do everything that it can to get away from him. 

And yet in the middle of all of this are the two kids that turn both sides into complete mush. I refuse to be another woman who just walks out of their lives and turns her back on them. So how does one who holds the title of mommie take herself out of that position and it not absolutly murder any shreads of a heart I have left? 

I'm starting my business. Fuck looking for work. I'm creating my own work.

my mom posted a link to these two videos on my facebook.

this is one strong kid.

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part one

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part two.

I was in complete breakdown mode after this. Make sure you've got tissues near by.

Patrick's job has a new worksite in McAllen. who's nervous? me.

Either I just go with him and live basically on the border of Mexico for 6 months or I am homeless in Corpus for 6 months. 

I think I'll go with him to McAllen. ugh. 

All of my job searching efforts. Pretty much down the drain.

So today I went out and was grocery shopping and met up with patrick at Burger King and we went inside and sat down and ate. I get a message on yahoo from someone that i didn't know. He wanted to see my cam, and i was like, "Yeah sure, i'm at bk right now, so you can see me when you get home." and i expected that to be the end of it. 

He harassed me for an hour. He wanted me to go do all kinds of shit to prove myself to him and I simply wasn't going to do it. So because an aray of reasons, I am a guy and I'm fake. :\ Why can't some people just be patient.

Eh. Fuck em.

Just so everyone knows: I don't have to prove shit to you. There is only one person that matters to me and he knows I am who I say I am.

Updated my pictures! :) These are taken on (1/1/2012)

Happy New Year!

May it be as kinky as the last one!

damn...i need plans for tomorrow night....who is local to corpus and wants to tie me up for new years?

applicants apply within :)

I thought if I could touch this place or feel it, this brokenness inside me might start healing. Out here it's like I'm someone else...

I've been really annoyed lately. x.x 

I don't understand why I can't find someone to be friends first and then see where things go? I mean MY LIFE IS NOT ABOUT SEX. sheesh.

I think I found him. 

I've met a lot of really cool guys in the past few days. So far not really anyone really catching my eye. I've got some new friends and what not, but no one that has swept me off my feet lol.

So I've found myself more and more attracted to Englishmen. I'm not talking about you loafs that speak english, but those whom are from the UK and have that super sexy accent. <3 It makes my heart melt. 

Another one that is sexy is the Irish accent. OH EMM GEE you wanna get me? Have that accent. It's soooo sexy XD I love it!

<3 Maybe I'll find that sexy foreigner to take me away to a far away land

I think I know what I'm gonna dream about tonight :D

So I don't where at but there is some sort of like "all knowing" list of people that are not who they say they are. I don't know I got on that list but honestly, I don't give a fuck.

To those of you who want me to prove who I am who I say I am then feel free to shoot me a message and I will be glad to have a conversation over the phone. Hey I got an even better one, I will gladly meet you in a public place and we can talk face to face. I have a valid Georgia drivers license and have no issues showing it to you. Currently I live in Corpus Christi, TX and have not had the opportunity to get my Texas Id.

So just to clear this up for those who are happy with my journals: 

I am a girl. I have a vagina. I have never had a dick.

I am twenty (20) years old. My birthday is August 19, 1991. 

I mean if I was going to fake who I am I'd say that I was at least 21 because then I could drink lol. 

To my readers:

I know I haven't posted in a few days. Sorry :( I've been posting on a different site.

Collarme just isn't doing it for me anymore. So meh. Find me on another site that begins with and ends with Life.

Snowbunnie2011

Currently I am under consideration by Master William. 

That being said.

To those who choose to ignore that and want to bother me with questions about if I would be interested in them. 

I AM NOT LEAVING CORPUS CHRISTI. 

End.

I can see Nunsense another time. I have opted to go to an art walk with another friend :) Maybe I can convince Master William to go see Nunsense with me :D lol

Going to see Nunsense tomorrow night :) I am excited.

Last night I felt like absolute shit. After going to bed early and waking up late I feel so much better!

Last night and most of today was hell for me. Last night as I was getting ready for bed around 10:30-ish Patrick came into my bedroom asking me for help. His head was hurting badly and I could tell it was really bothering him, he used the toilet and went to lay back down. He sounded like a child asking mommie for a glass of water. I said okay, and started to clean off my bed. I told him to come lay down and as I turned to face him he collapsed. He lost consciousness. I was scared. I went to his side trying to wake him or turn him over or something. He finally opened his eyes after a few second, and what felt like hours to me. After that he sat up slowly and leaned against the cabinet trying to regain his composure. His head was bothering him so bad and he was so dizzy that he couldn't stand up. I had to pick him up and lay him down in the bed. I laid down beside him and let him lay in my arms for a few minutes. I touched his head where it hurt most and did my best to help relieve the pain. He then asked me for a few things. I got them and he did some magic and laid back down and me and him talked. A lot. More then we've talked in a long time. It was finally around midnight that we settled down to go to sleep. Then he started to touch me. He wanted me. No. He wanted sex. Something that I couldn't give him. I asked him to stop but he kept on at which point I stood up and got my blanket and pillow and laid down on the couch. After about 15 minutes of laying there he came to the living room and told me he didn't feel right sleeping in the bed and me on the couch. He promised to behave and he laid down on the couch and went to sleep. I fell asleep shortly after.

This morning I got a call from Master William waking me. I didn't mind, and he asked about Patrick's condition(I had texted William letting him know what was going on) I talked with him for a second and checked on Patrick. After the phone call I had Patrick get up and come lay down in the bed with me. He didn't argue and laid down and I helped take care of some of the pain. Once the Dollar Store opened I went and got some Excedrin and he took it and has been feeling better ever since. I called his boss and he staid home with me and the kids today. After he started to feel better he cooked breakfast and I laid down and fell asleep, I was very tired and didn't get much rest. About noon I got up ate something and I had promised Lilly that I would have her bear fixed so we all went. Patrick said he wanted to spend a day with his "family" (yeah like i'm part of that one anymore...:\) We get to the Mall and we start walking around and he says that he wants to go into Macy's. There is only one reason he wants to go into Macy's. It pissed me off. He said he wanted to spend time with me and the kids, but then turns around and ditches the kids with me and runs off to find his little girlfriend(whom i should make note that she is married with two children). 

So I helped him and did more then I should have and what did I get? Bullshit. 

D:< I'm not happy with him and he wonders why I don't want to do shit for him. 

http://corpuschristi.craigslist.org/clo/2727394675.html

for sale! You can message me here as well for details.

I think I've got my backup plan laid(in case patrick kicks me out :\ ). Working through all of it with one man who has become fiercely possessive over me and one man that only wishes to help me. 

December 9th can not come fast enough :)

I swear he makes everything look like my fault. I am still living with Patrick and having to see him everyday and look at him everyday. I have built this wall up around my heart to keep him out. At first I didn't want to loose him and I wanted to be near him and just close, and now that I've built this wall I am slowing distancing myself away from him. I control myself when I want to kiss him. I control myself when I want sex. I control myself such that I will not get hurt anymore. 

Today he sent me a text saying that he was hungry and had forgotten his lunch and wanted me to make him a sandwich and take it to him. Now I wouldn't of minded doing it if I had of had a car and could of done it and gotten home within a reasonable amount of time, but no we don't have a car and the ride to his work is an hour and a half bus ride. 

I wanted to tell him to go to hell, but I can't be mean to him or I get thrown out into the streets. Yes he has gone to the asshole who would throw a girl out on her ass. 

So I made him a sandwich and took it to him and I wanted to give him the stupid food and go back to the bus stop and catch my bus and go home and I would see him later, instead no he has to get off work early and follow us home. While I was waiting on him the receptionist and I are talking and she wasn't having a great day so I was talking to her about my problems and comparing her to mine and what we were just having to deal with that day. So I told her me and Patrick broke up and we were talking.

I then needed to use the restroom and I went and got a message from patrick and went outside to catch the bus and as we are sitting there i was talking about how me and the receptionist were talking and he got mad at me that I told her about me and him! This pissed me off. He told me not to bring his home life to work and that I did just that. That I made him mad. WELL FUCK ME THEN!

I am a grown woman. I think I am allowed to talk to whom ever the fuck I want since YOU(patrick) HAVE NO SAY IN MY LIFE ANYMORE.

GOD!

I am so sick of this shit!

This is the message I got tonight:

"

hmm... :\ I don't understand what I did to deserve such a message.

Yes, I took off across the country with a man. I man that I was going to marry, and be his wife(but he was the one who changed that) 

So because I moved out of my moms house and relocated far far away I am garbage? 

I don't understand.... 

No I am not upset, I am fine, just kinda disappointed in the lack of honesty.

Tonight I went out with someone a little unexpected. He is pretty much exactly what I am looking for in a man that I would give myself to, but he is much older then I would of expected myself to be attracted to. He was nothing short of a perfect gentleman and was very kind and nice, he bought me dinner and went back to his place to shoot pool. I won 3 out of 4 games we plaid. He had a nice house, a nice jeep and he's got a great job(lol). He was well dressed and wasn't rude or mean or trying to dominate me or suffocate me before he knew me at all.

The only turn off is that I still do want a family. :\ What if he don't?

Last night I went to my very first munch. I was super nervous and really excited all at the same time. I took my normal buses and walked to the restaurant that had been picked. I got there right at six and waited around for about 25 minutes before my newest friend Jessica showed up. 

During this time I was texting Master J, and he was messing with me. I thought he wasn't going to show. :\ He wouldn't give me a straight answer. Well he showed up! :D It made me happy. We all sat down and ordered and started talking about a lot of things. Some vanilla some kinky, but it was all in good fun. As we were finishing Fibi showed up and we moved to a bigger table and had a lot of fun talking with her. I really enjoyed myself that night.

I had made plans with Jessica to ride home with her and when Master J showed up and me and him clicked fairly well, so instead I got in his car and rode home with him. ;P Me and him had good night, spent another hour together and he took me home.

:) I had the most fun I've ever had in a long time last night. I hope I get to do it again soon. 

Point of annoyance:

Not reading my profile. 

If you can not read my profile and get a general feel of who I am and weather or not I would be remotely interested in you, the do not message me.

This includes people who are:

not local.

women

dommes

submissives

guys who think being rude is okay.

25 or younger.

36 or older.

if you think you may fall into this, contact me and I will let you know.

Went to the mall today. Bad idea.

Hoardes of people! LONG LINES just to check out.

People trying to sell me over priced soaps.

Will never ever ever go out on Black Friday again.

Only good thing: Lilly got to see Santa and tell him what she wanted for Christmas.

I wanted to sit on his lap and tell him all the kinky things I wanted, but decided against it. :D

Who wants to hear my kinky desires for Christmas? >:D

So I came to this realization yesterday. 

I can not maintain a regular vanilla relationship. 

I am pushy, obsessive, a little bit jealous, and I run over regular guys. 

I need a Dominate, Aggressive, Mature man that knows how to put me in my place and keep me there. A man to tell me "No." 

A man to tell me what his dinner plans are and that I am joining him weather I like it or not and that i should wear blue because he likes the color on me. And when he shows up to pick me I am ready with make-up that I know he would like, my favorite shoes and wearing a red dress he takes me up to my room and bends me over his lap and spanks my ass and makes me change into an outfit that he selects.

I want that. I need that. I love that. 

This man that I speak of is established with house, car and job. I cook, clean and take care of his needs at home while he works. This man is a bit older then me, maybe anywhere from 26-30-ish. He has a sexiness that only comes with experience. I find his maturity sexy as well as his well groomed appearance. Hair/eye coloring doesn't matter. Being well groomed is. Keeping yourself clean and presentable is a must as it would be for me. 

At home it wouldn't matter so much but when we go out even if to the grocery store, his dominating presence is felt and seen by the way he dresses and acts, guiding me to each aisle as we shop, letting me try new things under his guidance.

Does this man exist? I hope so.

So today I met this guy at the mall. And he was my age, 20, really good looking and a plain vanilla guy that i would of dated. We hung out and stuff walking around the mall laughing and having a good time. He was a pervert and I thought it was cute, I thought he was cute. I felt really comfortable around him and had I not of had the kids with me I would of left with him from the mall to do more hanging out/riding around and just good ole country boy fun.

Like I said I was very comfortable around him, so instead of hiding it, I told him about my plans with Master William, and that I was into the more kinky side of life. 

He got mad. In fact he turned into a real a$$ to me. So instead of letting my kids see him get into an argument with me about something he knew nothing of, I took my kids and we left that store. He basically ran past us in nothing short of a rage. 

I wasn't disappointed or upset that he got upset or anything. I was more disappointed in the intolerance of who I was and that my kinks were limited mostly to the bedroom and that I have chosen my lifestyle and I will not be ashamed about it nor will I hide it from anyone anymore. 

~~~~~

I need to find a place to live. Patrick is mad at me and he is being a real but...I don't know what to do about it. I mean legally he is the one who owns this camper, but we bought it together. I gave up pretty much my entire life that I had at home for him, to follow him, to live out his dreams and put mine on hold. He dumped me out of the blue last Friday and he expects me to just be all huunkie doory about it? 

gosh...i am so tired...i think i am going to go to bed. X-X 

I need to find a place to live so that he can't do this to me anymore. I want my sailboat.... :(

I've got this song on my mind. And it is so right for me right now.

Sarah Evans, you rock.

~~~~

Woke up late today, and I still feel the sting of pain,
but I brushed my teeth anyway. I got dressed through the mess, 
and put a smile on my face. I got a little bit stronger.

Ridin' in the car to work, and I'm tryin' to ignore the hurt.
So I turned on the radio, stupid song made me think of you.
I listened to it for minute, but then I changed it.
I'm gettin' a little bit stronger, just a little bit stronger.

And I'm done hopin' that we could work it out,
I'm done with how it feels, spinnin' my wheels,
lettin' you drag my heart around.
And ohhh, and I'm done thinkin' that you could ever change.
I know my heart will never be the same, but I'm tellin' myself
I'll be okay. Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger.

It doesn't happen overnight, but you turn around and a month's gone by,
And you realize you haven't cried. I'm not giving you a hour or a second or 
another minute longer. I'm busy getting stronger.

And I'm done hopin' that we could work it out,
I'm done with how it feels, spinnin' my wheels,
lettin' you drag my heart around. 
And ohhh, and I'm done thinkin' that you could ever change.
I know my heart will never be the same, but I'm tellin' myself I'll be okay.
Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger.
I get a little bit stronger.

Gettin' along without you baby,
I'm better off without you baby,
How does it feel without me baby?
I'm gettin' stronger without you baby.

And I'm done hopin' that we could work it out,
I'm done with how it feels, spinnin' my wheels,
and lettin' you drag my heart around.
And ohhh, and I'm done thinkin' that you could ever change.
I know my heart will never be the same, but I'm tellin' myself I'll be okay.
Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger.
I get a little bit stronger.

I'm just a little bit stronger.
A little bit, a little bit, a little bit stronger.
I get a little bit stronger.

Patrick left me. Again. 

I am such a fucking retard.

i have a cell phone! to all the important people message me for details aka my phone number so we can text each other, i am so excited to be connected to the interworld again! woot woot!

I made Chili tonight. Not the crappy chili from a can but good chili with meat, sauce, tomotoes, green peppers, onions and a perfect selection of spices. 

I rock.

I am so bored. I feel that I look freaking awesome today and i dont get to show off or go do anything. I get to fold laundry. 

Someone please help me!(/w boredom, not laundry)

i love sushi.

Going to the beach tomorrow :)

A Note:

I have two step kids that I am now home schooling full time.

Just to clairfy:

I am 20. My birthday is Aug. 19th, 1991.

I am allowed to act a little immature and joke around with people. 

I really hate when someone says "that was immature and shows your age" 

I AM 20! 

It's odd how we teach our kids to grow up so fast and to act like an adult when they should be acting like kids. 

Okay, so I am beginning to think that most people have not finished basic high school grammar. I mean do I really need to explain to you the importance of commas? No, I am not a super grammar nazi. Nor am I the best at it, but at least I try. You can generally get what I am saying through the comma splices and occasional bad spelling. 

Just to set things straight:

I WANT THIRD PERSON WRITING.

Not a third person in bed. Not a third person in life(well not a guy or anything, ladies feel free to hit me up ;) ) but the STYLE of third person. 

Ex:

Jamie sat up in bed, or at least she tried to. Yanking slightly at her wrists she realized that she had been tied down to the bed. Her feet had come to the same confinement. She was trapped in a bed in a room that she had hoped belonged to the gentleman who had felt her up at the bar only a few hours before. 

'Well, that was a dumb move', she thought laying back down into the lumpy mattress. 'Now what?' Then the lights flipped on and there stood a man with a sinister look on his face.

End example.

How hard is that? 

If you feel you could writing like that, without using I and me, feel free to send me a message. 

Bored and Lonly.

-sighs- lets hope i can at least find my headphones.

-sighs- I'm bored as crap. I don't have any friends here and I wish I did. Riding the bus alone is not fun. Especially when Patrick has the MP3 player and I have no music. blah!

The "Best Friend" Position is open!

Now accepting applications!

lol, it was a joke. but seriously. If you ride the B and dont have much else to do and would care to join me while I get crap done, let me know. Anyone would be great.

I realize it's been a really long time since I posted and A TON has happened since last month.

1) Me and Patrick are okay. We are together and strong.

2) I relocated to Texas!

I'l let you digest that.

i feel sick.

So I am pretty sure that me and Patrick are over. If tomorrow morning i go and find out that he wants to work with me then cool and what not, but if he doesn't, then so be it i guess i'll be a single woman. a single woman who will need some space before she decides to jump into a relationship with anyone, D/s or not. a single woman who will take her chihuahua and go. go where ever her little scooter takes her.

Me and Patrick always talked about owning a sailboat in Corpus Christi TX and I think I want to go there. He has me hooked on this sailboat thing and I'm into it. I want to try living on the water for a while. 

I will be traveling(hopefully) down to Atlanta around Thursday on my little scooter and meet some of you and visit with some old friends.

Would like to hang out with some peoples and what not. Kinda bored. Willing to Drive to Ellijay GA to hang, maybe have some fun. I need it.

Sitting in bed after rough sex still naked and not planning on putting anything on until morning.

There is a bug going around at my house and I have hear that sex is a good antihistamine and i do believe that it's true. I can breathe just a little bit better then before we did those strenuous activities lol :)

I really hate it when I get a message from a Submissive guy and he asks me stupid shit.

I AM NOT A SLAVE AND I HAVE MY FREEDOM.

Yes, I wear a collar. but NOT ALL THE TIME. I have to be professional sometimes and a thick leather collar around my neck IS NOT professional. I only wear it when he asks me to which isn't very often.

I will NEVER domme ANY man, boy, or anything. I ONLY WANT TO TALK TO GIRLS.

All male sent e-mails will be sent to bulk and deleted without being read.

No, I will not cheat on my Papi to have some secret bullshit relationship. I'm happy where I am and AM NOT INTERESTED in male companions. Currently only interested in women. NO MEN. 

Okay, so I'm online and such and I get a message, all it says is:

"Hello cumpig"

First off....I DONT CARE WHO YOU ARE HOW MANY YEARS OF EXP HOW BUILT/HOT YOU ARE

NEVER EVER EVER EVER call me shit like that. IT"S NOT YOUR PLACE. 

If you plan on messaging me at least be nice, no i dont expect a full letter, and I can understand if you wish for me to call you Sir, but addressing a girl you've never met that is already collared as "cumpig" is not acceptable.

People(both male and female) who have no tact or politeness PISS ME OFF GRRRR.

If you dont have the common decency to be nice and polite to me then just dont message.