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Male Submissive, 38, chesterfield
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Male Submissive, 47, Rockville, Maryland
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Male Dominant, 35, upper hunter
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About Handyman75
As with any Dominant there are certain things I look for, things that I like, things I want. Physical apperance is not as important to me as the intelligence, obedience, and chemistry I feel between a sub/slave and myself. Experience is not needed to start as I would much rather train and teach mine from scratch in my way and the way I want you to be. I actually believe that prior service or training can be a hinderance and complicate the whole training process. So whether you have prior experience or not is ok. Everything you need to know can and will be taught to you. Dont expect me to move fast with you and try to collar you or call you mine in a matter of minutes, hours, days, or maybe even weeks. It takes time and alot of it to get to know each other and to get to a comfort level where nothing seems taboo or out of the ordinary. I wont be doing or asking for online play, cam sessions or anything of the such right off either. To me those are more of the pleasure nature, and at the start of a new relationship is not the time nor place for that. I will move slow and with a certain pace for I need to be assured your ready for this life and that your ready to commit to such as I want, need, and desire. For that to be be reached you must prove yourself as trustworthy, obedient, respectful and completely interested. Once these are met then I can start thinking of you as a new trainee, and begin molding you and shaping you into the person or property I want you to be. In order to belong to me you must be what I want and must be willing to be made into the one I want you to be.
Hello to all that pass by. I have been extremely busy and not had much time to update or change anything here. I do need to make it known I am a Dom and expect and demand to be treated as such. I have done lots of thinking and searching and this is who and what I am. Im glad to finally be able to say this. I am interested in talking to about anyone. So send me a message if you would like to talk or chat.
I am a dominate male, with quite a sadistic streak in me and I enjoy inflicting pain upon you. I am looking for a female submissive or slave. I am not looking for males at all. I will be trying to update my profile and complete it over the next few days, and hopefully be able to maintain it on a regular basis. Well, if you would like to know more, or ask a question not covered in my profile, or just want to chat or talk, then feel free to send me a message. Hope to hear from you soon.
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?My First Time?
It is early evening, and I sit and wait for my Goddess to arrive. I sit there nervously anticipating her arrival. I am nervous because it is my first time to get to spend time with her knowing I am in for a treat. Those was her words, she said ?you are in for a treat tonight?. My mind races and wonders what it is my wonderful Goddess has in store for me. It is the night before a play party, and we are going together, with her as my Domme, My Goddess, and I as her submissive. I have all sorts of thoughts, emotions and feelings at the thought of attending my first play party as her submissive. Will she make me wear a collar, what will she have me wear, what will she have me to do? As I sit there and wander off in thought, there is a knock at the door, and as I hear it, it makes my heart miss a beat; I rise off the bed in my room, and walk over to the door. As I open the door, I see My Goddess, standing there, and wow she looks so damn awesome. She is standing there, wearing a knee length black leather jacket, which is slightly open, exposing her slender sexy legs extending from under the jacket, wrapped in black leather thigh high boots, her hair pulled to the back of her head wrapped into a nice tight bun. My eyes caught hers, for just a moment, before I cast my eyes down, cause in the brief moment I saw into her eyes, I saw her strict, firm, and piercing eyes, I knew who I was, I knew my role. ?Good evening, My Goddess? I semi-stuttered, still in complete thinking about how absolutely beautiful she is. ?Good evening? she replied. I open the door the rest of the way as I move to the side and invite her inside. She steps into my room, glancing around, for this is the first time she has been here, seemingly checking everything out. ?Well? she says, ?this is a nice little place suitable for a person such as you?. ?Yes, thank you, My Goddess? I replied. She then seats herself in a chair at the foot of the bed. I am still standing there nervous as I can be, not sure what to do next, when she says to me; ?Don?t just stand there, come over to the bed, and sit down, quit standing there like some frightened child?. I go over and sit down as I had been instructed. She just knows how to calm and soothe me, and before no time, I?m as comfortable as I had been when I was with her when we weren?t playing. Well, just about the time, I was not feeling very nervous anymore, she tells me, its time to go for your treat. Well now my mind races. Where are we going? What is she doing? What do you mean its time to leave? Oh my, the thoughts continue to flood in. She tells me to come on, and walks out the door. I grab a few things not knowing what is going on, what I need, so I grab the key to my room, my cigarettes and lighter, my wallet, and run out the door, shutting and locking it behind me. I follow her to her car, by this time she has already made it to the car and is already in the car waiting for me. I get in. She tells me she has a task for me to do, and she is taking me to go do my task right now, while she watches me. I say ?Yes, My Goddess? and put my seatbelt on. A task? What? Huh? Curiosity has surely set in now, my thirst for knowledge so great. We had small talk, never speaking about this ?task? or ?my treat?. Before I knew it she was pulling up to a place, a small, rundown, battered, and neglected brick building with no windows to be seen anywhere. I wonder what this place is, and why she would be bringing me here. She says, ?Get out?, ?Yes Ma?am?, I reply. She sits in the car as I get out. I get out and nervously walk to towards the back of the car expecting her to get out too. As I get to the back of the car, I realize she is still in the car, and I head around thinking she is waiting for me to open her door. I reach for the handle and open her door. She tells me thank you and gets out. She says ?Come with me?, and I follow her, over to a door, as we get to the door she stops, and I step around her and open this door too. As I open the door, an old musty, damp, stale smell came from the building. She walks into the dark, turning a light on just inside the door, on the wall. It is just a single bulb light, pointing just down the wall to something on the wall. She tells me there is an electric box where the light is shining; turn all the breakers on, for me. I make my way over to the box, and start flipping the individual breakers on. I hear all sorts of things start running, and all sorts of lights came on. As I turn around, I see things I have never seen in person, things I have only seen pictures of or dreamed and thought about. There were all sorts of things, chains from the ceiling, things that resembled some sort of old chair, one of those wooden stocks you?ve seen in the movies, some sort of tables, among other things. I realize what this is, this is a playroom. As the realization sets in as to where I am, she tells me this is her playroom, and to make myself comfortable. As she says this, she removes her coat, revealing herself to me. Now my lip has fallen to the floor, in a huge puddle of drool. She is wearing a black corset, a black leather skirt that reaches just shy of the middle of her thigh, her black stockings protruding from the top of her boots, standing there holding her coat under her arm. I notice I seem to have a reaction inside my pants to seeing this. I try to move slightly to let things adjust themselves, but I must have not moved slight enough, because she looks at me and asks me if I have a reason to be squirming, is there something that excites me? I start to look at her but catch myself and cast my eyes down, too afraid to look directly into her eyes, and reply, ?Yes My Goddess, I?m sorry, seeing you like this does turn me on a great deal?. To which she replies, ?I knew you would have a reaction, which would be why I chose this outfit?. Now to the matter of your task, she tells me, come over here. She leads me over to a corner of the building, where some wood and tools and such lay around. She walks over to the wall, and pulls an envelope from the wall and walks back over to me. She hands the envelope to me, and tells me to open it, my task is listed inside. I tell her, ?Yes ma?am? and open the envelope, to find several pieces of paper. I find a piece inside that says directions at the top. I read the paper; it is having me build something. Well awesome I think to myself, My Goddess, wants to use some of my skills, since she knew I have experience with construction and using tools, she knew I could do this, and that it would be a fairly simple and easy task. A big grin came across my face and my eyes lit up, I was not so nervous now. As I fumbled through the other papers, My Goddess says to me, ?You?re not starting on it yet, since this is your first time around here; I am going to take you around and show you the rest of the collection of furniture?. Yes ma?am, I say, and follow her. So she takes me around and tells me what each thing is, what is for, and how it is used, telling me, after I get my work done, I might be able to check some of the furniture out more closely. She brings me back over to the area I will be working, and tells me to get busy. She goes over and sits down on an oversize padded chair. I grab my papers, and get started. I work for a few minutes when My Goddess gets up, and as I look her direction she tells me to continue working, so I do, and she walks away. She is gone for some time, and while she is gone, I make a lot of progress and get a lot done. This task is starting to take shape, this is looking familiar to me, I have seen this before, but I don?t know what it?s called. I?m sure she will tell me when she gets back, I think to myself. As I am getting into the final stages of this project, My Goddess comes strolling back to me slowly, taking each step carefully, and calculated, just as she had done everything tonight, every move she made, every step she took, every choice and decision. She carried a bag in her hands; it was rather plump, and round, seemingly quite full. Full of what I wondered? She walked on over to where I was and sat the bad down on the floor. She looked at the work I had done and walked closer looking at my handiwork to assess my work, and examine it for flaws, or mistakes. She says, ?Very well, my little handyman, I am once again proud of you, this is a very good job?. ?Thank you My Goddess?, I replied. She asked me if I knew what this was, and I told her I had seen one, but was not sure what it was called. She told me, ?This is what is called a cross; some are called St Andrews Cross?. ?Oh yes My Goddess, thank you for the information, you are so kind.? She then directs me and tells me where and how she wants it. After I get it into place for her, she tells me, ?Now let?s put this cross to the test?. ?Yes My Goddess?, I reply. She tells me to strip, and I do as I am told, till I stand before her totally exposed, my hands covering my cock and balls. She tells me to put my hands to my sides, and I place my palms directly on my legs. She walks around me and give me a complete inspection, just as she had my work a short while before. She comments when she sees my cock and balls shaved bald, that it looked nice, I nodded. She grabs me by the arm and leads me to the cross, and I go where I am directed. She stands me in front of the cross and tells me to take a minute and gather myself, and when I am ready, where to place my hands and feet, so she can strap me to the cross. I nod and take a minute or two and let myself realize where I am and what I am doing, yes this is what I want, this is ok, and this is a good thing. ?Yes My Goddess, I surrender completely to you?, as I raise my hands and spread my legs to put them where I was told. As soon as I do, I feel My Goddess start restraining my wrist, and then my ankles, and then my neck to the cross. She then walks over to her bag, I hear her retrieve something from her bag, then I feel her hands on my head, just as I feel the blindfold go over my eyes, now I?m in pitch black, cant see or know what is about to happen. After a few seconds or a minute or so, I feel her body press against mine as she leans into me to ask me if I am ok, and I tell her I am. She tells me she is going go proceed, and I nod. She proceeds to do what it is I had been begging her to do; she painted my back, all sorts of colors of blue, black, red, pink, and purple. After she finished with her painting on my ass and back, she released me and asked me how I was doing, I turned and hugged her, and told her I could not be happier and so fulfilled. She then leads me over to a small door, and shows me into a room off the main room. As I entered this room, it was completely different from the area I had just come from. The lighting was very soft and subtle; the room had a new smell, nothing like the smell in the previous place. This was a nice place, a nice king size poster bed, some dimly lit lights on the walls, the room was very warm and inviting, then I noticed a hot tub over in the corner, and thought about how nice it would be to be allowed to get in the hot tub, for a few minutes, to relax. Then as if she had been reading my thoughts she asked if I would like to get in the hot tub for a few minutes, and I burst out, ?I would love to, My wonderful, beautiful, Goddess!?. She leads me over to the tub and I get in and sit down. She looks at me and tells me she is going to join me, and starts to remove her clothes. I try not to stare, but I can?t remove my eyes from her body, she is absolutely and completely perfect. She slips into the tub and sits next to me. She tells me to stand in front of her, so she can see my back and ass. She runs her hands over my painted back and ass, asking me if I am ok, and I inform her I am just wonderful. After some time she grabs my hand and leads me out of the tub, and takes a towel and proceeds to dry me off. After she is done she tells me to do the same to her. After I get done, she leads me over to the bed, and instructs me to lie down on my back on the bed. I do as she says, as I do she lets her hair down, letting her sexy, beautiful, and radiant hair down, flowing over her shoulders and all around her face, causing me to think, god what id give to run my fingers thru her hair. She then climbs onto the bed with me, straddling my chest. I stare straight into her eyes, and she stares back at me, and at that moment, I felt like the most wonderful man to ever walk the face of the earth. I don?t know how long we sat there staring at each other, but after some time, she grabbed one wrist and restrained it to one post on the bed, then the other arm, then a foot, then the other foot, till I lay there, helpless, with my stiff cock protruding, into the air, like a flagpole. She started to run her hands over my head, working her way to my chest, sliding herself, down onto my legs, till she had made her way to my hard cock, making me twitch with just the slightest graze of her hand against my prick. The then took my prick and wrapped her hands around it, sliding them up and down, teasing, and stimulating me, ever so slightly. She continues to use her hands with such knowledge, stimulating me in a way I have never experienced, sending me into such state of euphoria, making me feel such bliss, elation, delight, and pure pleasure, in such I way I cant even begin to describe with words, she sent me to a state where I knew what was going on, but was in complete ecstasy, and am unable to tell more of this for lack of my inability to explain what happened next.
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Well here is another assignment, and I wanted to share it.
Happy Birthday Pet
It had been a hot and humid day. I looked at my body, it had been a very rough day at work, but I got the job completed. She was happy that the work she had wanted me to do was completed so quickly and promptly. I had promised her I would give it my best always, and would try to do anything she asked of me. She is such a nice lady I thought to myself, she has a beautiful place here, from what of it I have seen. This place is magnificent, so big, so many places I have not seen. From what I know she has owned this place for quite many years. I have known her for some time, but this is the first time I am doing some work for her. She offered $200 for a 10 hour day. I could never pass that up. Not to mention she is absolutely beautiful. I did notice her watching me and checking my work very closely, and she seemed to be looking at me and examining my body throughout the day. I don?t know if she noticed that when she would watch me and be staring at me it turned me on, and started to arouse me. As I looked over my body and all the dirt, and sweat, from the long day I had worked, I thought about how a nice hot shower would feel so nice, I couldn?t wait to get home.
As I walked to the door, I was happy and eager to see Ms. Pagan. I was just about to reach up and knock on the door when it just opened, and from behind the door Ms. Pagan steps out. Wow, she looks great, I think to myself, she standing there in a white sundress, looking absolutely beautiful. As she opens the door she asks me to come inside. As I stepped inside, I was told to follow her. So I followed her to the dining room, where I was instructed to have a seat at the table. I sat down, and looked at the different things on the table. I noticed a pad of paper, scissors, a brown paper bag, an envelope, a pen, a ruler, lying to the end where I now sat. It looked like a crap project or something, I was not real sure what these things where for. Ms Pagan walks over and sits down at the table with me. She asks me how I am doing, and I tell her, I am ok. She then tells me she wants to ask me some questions and she will write my answer on a small piece of paper. I tell her yes ma?am. Ms Pagan tears a piece of paper from the book and uses the scissors to cut it in half, then holding both pieces together, cuts both of them in half again, now having 4 small pieces of paper. She then repeats the process, so now she has 8 pieces of paper? She then tells me she wants me to answer with the first thing that comes to mind. Yes ma?am I tell her. She says ok, and asks a number between 1 and 10, 4 I reply. Favorite toy? Leather paddle, I reply. Least favorite toy? Crop, I reply. A form of play you are interested in? Wax play, I reply. A form of play you have no desire for? Forced fem, I reply. How many times a week you like to have sex? 7, I reply. How many days without sex drives you crazy? 3, I reply. Chastity device or CBT? Chastity device, I hesitantly replied. Now wondering what these questions were all about. Ms Pagan says to me ok, that all the questions she has, and I reply yes ma?am. She reaches over for the envelope and hands it to me, and says ?Here this is yours, check it when you get home, and you are to go straight home, pet?. ?Yes ma?am? I reply. ?Nice job today pet, you worked well, I enjoyed watching you work, you have a nice ass, pet?. I humbly bowed my head and nodded. I got up and left, and headed straight home. All sorts of thoughts came thru my mind; I hardly remember the drive home. The next thing I knew I was at home, standing in the shower, wondering and trying to understand everything. Then I remembered the envelope, I hurried to finish my shower, and dried myself off, and run to the bed where the envelope was laying and eagerly tore it open, to find a letter. Where is my money I thought, oh no I didn?t get paid. What is this letter? Let me read it and see I thought to myself. So I opened the letter and started to read.
Dear pet;
I am sure this is not what you expected to find, but that was my intended point. You are in store for a night of unexpected turns, pleasures, desires, fantasies, and so much more. You worked hard today, and to show you my gratitude you are going to be treated to a spectacular event. The work you did today will cover the expenses, so the choices you are given tonight, feel welcome to make them what your true desire is, just make sure you choose wisely. Don?t give much thought about the questions I asked you earlier, you will be told what that was all about tomorrow night. Now I know tomorrow is your birthday, so this has all been done as your birthday present. Happy birthday pet. A package will arrive at your house tomorrow at 4pm; make sure you are there to receive it. When you get the package, you will wait till 5pm, to open it. Once inside you will see what you are to wear tomorrow night. At 5pm you need to be showered, shaved, clean, and ready to get dressed for the evening. At 6pm, you are to be at the address given below. Do not be late! Don?t worry about what will happen, trust me you don?t want to know. You will be at 211 Clover Lane, by 6pm, or else. Use mapquest if you need to know where or how to get there. See you tomorrow night pet, until then, sweet dreams.
Sincerely Ms Pagan
Well shitfire, holy damn, oh my god, what the hell, oh shit what have I done??????? As if I didn?t have enough questions and thoughts already, now I?m just overwhelmed. I lay back on my bed trying to process all this. It doesn?t make sense, I don?t know what to expect, and I don?t know what to think oh wow this is crazy. I lay there and think back and replay different scenes from throughout the day.
I wake up, look at the clock, 8:32, it reads. I look around, I feel good, I?m not sore, I feel like I slept like a log, but the bed and pillows tell another story. Hope it was a fun pillow fight I think to myself, hope it wasn?t too brutal, is the next thought. My mind quickly switches to the days event later that evening. Man I?m going to be a complete nervous wreck all day, I think to myself. What am I going to do all day? I get up an go through my usual morning routine, and when done climb back on the bed and sit there Indian style for a little bit before I get up and go look out the door and just stand there taking in the rays from the sun, stretching and reaching out to hug the sun back. Tom, the cat I do not claim as mine, but I feed and water everyday, comes up and rubs against my legs, ?God morning, Tom? I say, looking down at him, as he looks up and me and halfway opens his mouth as to say meow, but nothing really comes forth. I turn around and go back in and reach behind the door and grab a cup of food and pour it in his bowl. He walks over and start to eat and I walk back in shutting the door behind me. I go to the computer and get on it and start checking email and such for a while, then I get on my game and play it for a while.
It is 3:55 and I am sitting there pacing from the door to the bed, sitting down only to get up and walk to the door and turn around and sit down, and this repeating itself over and over. The clock just isn?t changing, I think it?s broken. I?m standing in the doorway when a small white car pulls up and a elderly gentleman gets out, walks up and asks me if I am pet, and I nodded and replied that yes I was. He hands be a package, and says thank you, and I say yes sir, thank you, and hurry inside with my package. I shut the door and sit in the chair and stare at the package. Remembering I was told not to open it till 5pm. I stare at it wondering what in the world it is. God the curiosity is killing me. I pace the floor, anxiously awaiting time to open it. Finally it is time, I open it as the package instructs, and reveal a black tuxedo, with a white shirt, and purple, vest. There is also a bowtie, shoes and socks. I strip down to my underwear, and start to pull the pants up, when I think, hmmm, I was told to wear what was sent to me, Ms Pagan didn?t send me any underwear, I better not wear my own. So I take my underwear off, and pull the pants up, taking note I kinda like the way they feel on my as cheeks. I finish getting dressed, noticing I look rather sharp, and think I look nice. Thank you Ms Pagan, I think out loud. I look at the clock, time to go, I got to go now, I check and make sure everything is in order and perfect, and then run out the door.
I pull up to a place looking for the address I had been given, and find a place called 211 Clover Lane. Hmmm, that?s funny I think to myself. I walk to the door and open it and go in. As I walk in I see Ms Pagan ahead, and I walk towards her. I look at my watch as I am making my way to her, 5:59, whew I think to myself. As I get to Ms Pagan, we hug and she tells me to follow her. We go over and sit down at a table rather secluded and private, lit only by candle light. It was so beautiful, I could have only ever dreamed of being in a place like this I thought. This was a beautiful place, and I was here with the beautiful and wonderful, Ms Pagan. If I only had known what was to come, that might have been a different thought. I sit down, as she told me to do. She hands me a menu and tells me to pick something out. She tells me to hand her my car keys so my car can be taken back to my place, as I wont be needing it the rest of the night, she has arranged to have it taken back for me. I nod and reach into my pocket and fish out my keys and hand them to her. She tells me to wait here, she will be gone but just a moment. While she is gone I look at the menu and choose something from it. As if she knew how long it would take me, I had no sooner closed the menu and she comes and sits down. She looks and me and says, ?Do you know what you want?? ?Yes ma?am? I reply. She motions for one of the wait staff, and they come over and she tells them we would like to order now, and she tells me to tell what it is I want. I say ?Yes ma?am, I would like the grilled pork tenderloin with braised cabbage, roasted potatoes and sauce Robert?. Very well she says and gives her order. The staff leaves and she then turns to me and asks me what I think about this place, and I tell her how beautiful it is, and how it is such a honor to be here with her. She tells me the questions from earlier was for a reason, and she will explain herself now while we wait for out food. She tells me she has set up quite the night for me, that I will be so impressed. She instructs me to follow her outside, and I do as I am told. We go outside and she gives me a chance to smoke a cigarette, and I happily do so. We go back in and sit down and no sooner get back to the table and our food has arrived to the table. Ms Pagan tells me she will discuss things more after dinner on our way to the next stop, the place of my real birthday gift. My birthday gift? What is it? What did she get me? Why is it somewhere else? I eat my food, with very little talk, just mainly some small talk, not really much being said, I think I was just so nervous, scared, worried, and she must have seen it and picked up on it. She looked at me and said don?t be scared I?m not going to kill you. I looked at her and smiled, I think it might have been the first time all night. We get done eating and we get in her car and drive a short distance before we stop and go in this house. She shuts and locks the door behind her. She motions for me to follow her, so I do. We go through the living room and around a hallway and head down some stairs. She tells me to close the door at the top of the stairs and come on down, so I do as told, close this door behind you as well, motioning to the door that was at the bottom of the stairs. We enter a room look a lot like a large living room, when I see a chair. Not just any chair, not even a chair technically. It is a bench, a spanking bench. She invites me over to sit on a couch near the bench. I do as I am told and sit down. She tells me she will be right back, she must go do something, and I need to stay there and not move. ?Yes ma?am? I reply. I sit there staring at the bench wondering what I am about to get into. My mind wanders and tries to think of every possible scenario. After a short while, Ms Pagan comes back in, wearing a long black free flowing skirt, a black and purple corset, barefooted, her hair pulled tightly behind her head. She looked so damn hot and sexy, but she looked like she was so in control, one look at her and I instantly felt overpowered. She looked at me and ordered me to my feet; I instantly rose from the couch and began shedding my clothes. I peeled off the tuxedo jacket I still wore, then the shirt, dropping the pants, removing my shoes and socks, standing completely naked in front of her. She gave me a very close examination checking everything, commenting she liked my shaven cock and balls, that I would be thankful later, and that since it?s done already it will save her some work. I wonder what she means by that comment. Suddenly she grabs me by the arm and leads me to the bench instructing me how to mount the bench, and I do as I am told, she restrains my wrists, and then proceeds to my legs and feet. Then it hits me, here I am butt hole naked, butt high in the air, my cock and balls just dangling there out in the open, and I am not able to move a inch. Then as if this had all been choreographed, I hear a doorbell. Then a blindfold goes over my eyes. Ms Pagan says, I need to answer the door, I will be back shortly. I hear her leave, and mount the stairs. I can hear her walk across the floor, to the door and hear it open. I hear voices, sounds like they are sitting around talking. When is she coming back? What is she doing? What is keeping her? Has she forgotten about me? Suddenly I hear some quiet and distant music. What is that? Where is it coming from? Oh My god I cant see anything. I can?t tell what is going on. My mind races from one thought to the next. I have no idea how long I have been in this position I try to move and stretch my muscles, but to no avail. Then I hear footsteps coming down the stairs, but it?s not the footsteps of just one, it sounds like 3 or 4 people. Who is here? Who is watching me? Don?t look at me. Who is there I ask. No answer. I try to fling the blindfold off my eyes, so I can try to see who is there. Then I hear Ms Pagan, she says ok pet, I am back. Time to get started. Now you may be curious who the people are that are here. These are some friends of mine from work, and you said you had no problem with an audience before so I am letting them watch tonight?s events, since this is your birthday this night is all about your wishes and desires, but unknown to you you chose the events to happen tonight. Remember the questions I asked you earlier, well now you find out all about them. I asked you for a number between 1 and 10 right? You said 4 right? Yes ma?am, I replied, just before I felt the ball from the ball gag enter my mouth, and buckled behind my head. So the number 4 is the magic number tonight, that means that everything is 4, 4 swats, 4 licks, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4 everything will be to do with 4. Your favorite toy, paddle, 4 swats with the paddle, your least favorite the crop, 4 licks with it, you will experience wax play, and as lucky as you are, I don?t enjoy forced fem, so you get to skip that. You like to have sex 7 days a week, so you like it daily, and you cant go more than 3 days before going crazy, so if you add those two umbers you will come up with 10, and you chose a chastity device over CBT so you get to spend 10 days in a device. You also will not orgasm tonight without my permission. You are mine and I will do with you as I see fit. I just might repeat everything 4 times to make sure I get the number 4 taken care of. SMAAACCCKKK!!! Oh shit what the hell was that, ouch my ass is stinging. Ms Pagan says you are to count off when you are struck. ?Yes ma?am? I whimpered. ?I am waiting? she said. ?Oh one? I belted out. SMACK!! ?Two? I screamed. SMACK, SMAAACKK!!!!, ?Three, Four? I screamed out. Swooosssshhh Crack! I gasped, at the sheer pain I felt, ?One? I called out, Crack..Crack, ?Two, Three? I cried out, gasping for my breath, and then CRACKKKKKK, ?Four? I scream. I feel the hands of Ms Pagan rubbing my ass, feeling all the welts, and the heat in my ass, as I think how much my ass is on fire, she checking on me to see if I am ok, then rubbing water on my ass, and she goes and talks to the friends she has watching, I had forgot all about them till she spoke to them. Then there was a second round just as the first round, then a third round, and by the time the fourth round came around I was so relieved to get out of that restraints, I think I would have agreed to anything. I felt myself being led to a table and being helped onto the table and instructed to lie down. I did as told and laid down, I think I was only halfway there, as I remember waking up to being restrained again, this time I?m flat on my back, looking straight up. I can hear people talking and laughter, and I try to mumble seemingly to get the attention of Ms Pagan, as she now stands over me, smiling. She tells me it is time for the next phase, and starts rubbing some fluid on me, feels like it?s an oil or something similar. Then out of nowhere I feel the first drop of wax??.. Oh hmmmmmm?. Then another then another then another, before long my whole cock and balls are covered and there is a large amount of wax all over my dick and balls. Ms Pagan left me there for some time, I remember her saying something about letting it cool and harden. I nodded off. When I awoke, I was so turned on and so aroused, all I could think about was getting to have an orgasm. It felt as though a stiff breeze would make me cum. Soon after waking up, Ms Pagan was there standing next to me, looking at me. She had something in her hand, but I could not see clearly yet and couldn?t tell what it was. She instructed me that when she released me I was to lay still and she would help me down. So she released me and helped me down, escorting me to another room where a bed was and helped me into the bed, making me lie on my back, the next thing I knew I felt her hands wrapped around my dick, her stroking it, making me hard and about to cum. Then she stops. She gets off the bed and walks out. A short time later she returns, carrying some rope or something. She comes over and grabs a wrist and restrains it to the bed, then the other wrist, then an ankle then the other ankle. I had no desire to fight or resist, but even if I had I could not have. There was but one thing on my mind, only one thought passed through my mind over and over and over. God how I wanted to cum. She got done tying me again, after she had tied me up, she made me watch as if I had to be made to, but she told me to watch her, as she very sexily undressed showing her completely naked body to me, my cock growing with excitement. She sexily moved over towards me, using her hands to run the length of my hard cock. It standing there just begging to be given some attention. Oh how I just wanted to let my cum explodes right out of the head of my cock. She would stroke me, bringing me to an edge, and then stopping. Repeating this over and over. Oh my god how much can I take? Finally after some time she quit rubbing my cock and walked out of the room. When she came back in she was carrying something in her hand, she walked over to me, opened a condom package, and slid a condom down over my dick, proceeding to do this a second time, a third time, and finally a fourth time. She then flicked my cock and asked how does that feel? I tried to mumble something, but was not very successful at it. Then I feel Ms Pagan, climb onto the bed, straddling me, slides my cock inside of her, sliding up and down. I can feel my cock wanting to explode, I can?t feel it, and I can?t feel her pussy sliding up and down my cock. I want to feel her pussy I think to myself. Oh damn, oh damn, oh damn, oh there it went. I had been wanting that for so long. Just before I passed out, I heard Ms Pagan say, when you wake up, you will find yourself in your bed, and you will find your last birthday present, pet, I hope you have enjoyed this birthday, I?m sure it is one you wont soon forget. You will remember this night, and the next ten days to follow, as you like life while your cock is in a chastity device. Happy birthday, my little pet. |
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Well, its time for me to come to this place again. Things are fine, well things are great. I am not sure about some situations, but it is all ok. I am here, if I am needed or wanted, then it is known where I am. Yes, there are some issues in certain areas, but other areas, like my finances are improving, and that relieves alot of stress. Things are looking great in that dept now, as I recieved word on working and will be making good money. So, that makes life a little better. As, I told a friend of mine about a situation once, you got to just get over it and move on to the next thing. So that is what I am doing and intend on doing, I am going to the next phase and the next step of my course I am on. So, I am feeling alot better today, and I hope this good mood and better views remain for a while, if not forever. Well I just felt like writing so I did, something has been triggered inside and I actually enjoy writing here. But till next time, which could be at anytime, take it easy. |
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Well I guess this just isnt out of my sytem, since I started using this journal, I feel complelled to use it, sometimes quite often. I guess this is just one of those days, and my fingers have alot of energy. Well this time I was sitting there and thinking about what I wanted. I know more about exactly what i want. Iwill try to make this understandable, but its likely gonna sound like some mumble-jumble. Anyhow, what do I want is the question. I want a relationship. A vanilla relationship? Partly. A bdsm realtionship? Partly. Huh? What? Ok, its like this, I want a "normal" loving relationship, with both bdsm and vanilla together. A appearance of a vanilla realtionship to most, but in some circles, and definitely at home a full fledged bdsm relationship. Even in the vanilla aspect, I will still be the submissive, just done in moderation or subtly. There is alot in the bdsm aspect I still enjoy, or at least think I do. I am brand new to the Submission, so my list of limits is very short, and not much I say no to at this point. Im sure that will change as I find out what I like, and whats is a no-no for me. I want a bdsm relationship with the appearance of being vanilla and "normal" when needed. |
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As I sit here and go through the profiles on here of dominate females, the same thought keeps going through my mind. When did this become a site for all the escorts, hookers, prositutes, whores and all the like, to try to "sell their services"? Is there not a better place for them to "advertise"? They make it extremely hard for those of us who seek something meaningful and real, and not just a time to get off. I am wanting and seeking a real woman, who is also a true Domme, for a full-time relationship. If I wanted a sex partner, there is plenty of sites for escorts, whores, prositutes, and the others like that. Im so tired of having to swim through the BS on here. Where are the attractive females that are wanting a actual relationship? Do they even exist? I know what I want, and I absolutely refuse to settle for someone who isnt what I want. Well, sorry for this little rant, and if I pissed you off or hurt your feelings by classifying you with the whores and such, sorry, but too bad, this is my life and until she collars me I will have my own thoughts and say what I feel like I want to. |
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Well here I am, it has been a couple of days since I have been here, but felt the need to write. I am having a multitude of thoughts, feelings and emotions right now. This seems to be my best way to work through some things. If anyone that reads this wants to give advise, suggestons, or wants to answer a question feel free to do so, I welcome all with a open heart, eyes, and ears. I feel somewhat disappointed, and I dont know quite how to tell my complete feelings and thoughts out of fear of not being able to come across the way I intend, and end up pushing them away. That is the absolute last thing I want to do. They mean alot to me, and it hurts to know the things I know. How is it you can desire something so much, and not be able to get it? why is it that I cant seem to find the Domme for me? Am I just too picky? Can I not have what I want? Do I have to just settle for someone even though they are not what I truely want? How do you try to find another when there is one that has your focus and is who you desire? Why does things have to be so hard? Why does life have to hurt so much? And Im not meaning hurt in a good way either. Why can I not seem to find the happiness I long for so deeply? Will I ever find what I seek? Does what I seek even exist? Maybe she is out there and I just havent found her. Maybe I have found her, but she is not available to me. I feel so alone, I feel so low on the food chain. I am not sure right now what to do, or how I should be feeling, even though I now have no question, and even accept and embrace who and what I am. I am a submissive male with a very precious gift, that I will give to the right person. I seek a Domme, who will accept my gift, and place her mark on me. I just want to be happy, I just want to feel like I am a part of something, I just want to be loved, I just want to have the chance to serve the one special Domme, I just want to be happy and make my Domme happy and proud of me. Is what I seek so hard to find? Is what I want so far from everyone else in life? I tend to think I only want and desire what every person in life wants. Maybe not having any family makes things harder for me, maybe it makes me less of a person. Im just tired of being just a shell of a man, with not much inside yet. Maybe this is the cause for me feeling so unwanted, feeling of not being a part of anything, feeling like noone cares, feeling like I am all alone in life. Well, I hope this doesnt seem to be a pity party for myself, as it is not, even though I am accused of it. I just have alot of feelings and emotions and I am not sure how to handle all of this and I do feel alone most of the time. Maybe this is the underlying reason I desire to be a part of something, and why I desire a collar so much. However, I ask, is that such a bad thing? Would that not maybe make me more loyal than you could ever imagine? Would that not mean that I would do anything to keep a collar on me, to avoid being all alone again? I am amazed at how quickly my emotions can change right now, going from happy one minute, to talking to someone and within a few minutes being rejected, and feeling down and out. I dont know, I dont know much right now, I do know a few things, and I know Id like to be happy, just as everyone else in life. |
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I am just so fustrated and hurt right now. I dont know what to think or do right now. I want and desire something so bad, and I feel its something i cant have or will never get to experience. I am not ashamed of who I am, I am proud to be who I am and proud of what I do. I have a gift to give, I just want my gift to be accepted, and I know who I want to accept it and make me "hers". Unfortuately she has things to prevent her from being able to do so. Im told my eyes are closed, and I need to open them and be "open-minded". I just dont know how to "settle" for something else, when I have never been so sure as to what, who and why I want what I do. I dont want to settle. I want what I want, and I cant help how I feel or what I think. How can I feel good, when I feel so unwanted, and so unaccepted. Why do I feel like I have to change my limits or try to do things I dont like or dont want to do, to feel accepted? Yes I am new to the scene, and it was justrecently I actually figured out alot of things about myself. I am sure of what I want and need, I have never been more sure about anything in my life. No, I dont have all the answers, I dont know everthing, never will. I do have some answers about myself. I am still discovering things about myself. This is a hard day for me, and I am trying to deal with everything and get a handle on eveything. I just wish I had some friends in the lifestyle to talk with and help me get through this. I wish my family wasnt 8-10 hours away. I feel so alone and I dont know if I am strong enough to do this and stand by myself much longer. Sometimes I just want to give up, crawl into a hole to never be seen from anymore. I keep trying and trying, and I fee like I get nowhere. I feel like im just spinnin my wheels. I feel like I am trying to push a car that is stuck in the snow, and my feel just keep slipping out from under me and I cant never get a good enough grip to push the car and get it unstuck. Just when I think I have a good footing, my feel slips again and the car goes nowhere. This is a very good example of how I feel about where I am in my life. I have felt like I was just a empty shell of a person, with nothing inside, and I have searched for what it is that I desire and what would fill me, spiritualy, mentally, physically, emotionally, and make me feel like a complete person. Maybe one day I will get to know what that feel like, my biggest fear is dying all alone. I often think about what my funeral would be like, and who would show up, and I dont like the way I see it, cause I dont see a funeral, I just see them dumping me into the ground somewhere, to be forgotten forever. |
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Ok here I sit, with a task to be completed for My Goddess. She says to do it so I will do as I am told. Most may not understand but i was given a artical to read and comment on, about how I think it applies to me, how it relates to me, why she chose this artical over the other 99 that she had to choose from. It is a artical written by Jack Rinnella, from Friday, March 10, 2006, called It's a Good Thing. Well first question to answer, how does this apply to me? Well, I dont know if I have a strriaght forward answer to that yet. I have realized today why it is I desire and want and need what it is I want desire, and need. I have no questions as to who I am or what I am. I am what I am and I am not ashamed of it in any circle of friends, groups, or anything else. Maybe My Goddess wanted me to understand that the feelings and thoughts I have are insinctive by nature. I realize now that bdsm affects me in more than just a sexual way. I was told once, "I might play with you, but that doesnt mean you will have sex with me", and I sat and said "huh" to myself. How can you have such a sexually charged situation, a situation with such high erotic and sensual feelings, and not have sex? Where is the pleasure or the relase in that. Honestly I cant answer that yet, except to say, Im told its not about the sex. I always thought that the whole point and reason for being stripped, thrown to my knees, hands bound behind my back, and bent over and my ass painted nice shades of red, pink, blue, black, purple, to name the first few colors that comes to mind, was to get your sexual release afterwards. I still have questions, and some of those wont be answered until I have had a chance to experience things in person, and my ass looks as I described a minute ago. Then I can sit back, if I can even sit at all, and know, ok, now this makes sense. How does a man get strapped to a cross, and take lick aftr lick after lick till he is striped and marked from the middle of his back to the middle of his thighs, and after that, after being released from his binds, turn around to his master, and smile and give him kisses and love? What could ever possess a man to do ths? Maybe My Goddess wanted to stimulate my brain, something she is so damn good at, and I thrive on it when she does it. I love it when she picks my brain, and makes me think. My Goddess knows I hate to read and then have to write something about it, but Ma'am gives me the very task she knows I dont like, why? Maybe she thinks I am good at it. Maybe she thinks it helps me to understand. Maybe that is a way she stimulates my brain. Well it does stimulate me, it does make me think, it does make me understand, and I dont know if I am good at it or not. I do know that when I do what My Goddess asks me to do, it pleases her and makes her happy and proud of me. I like to make her proud of me. That makes me happy. My Goddess is good and she knows what makes me tick. So what do I take from the artical? That is is ok! It is ok to feel the way I do. It is ok to like what I like. Its ok to want my ass painted. Its ok to be me. Its ok to be free. Yes free. I am released from my restraints. The world had place restraints on me, told me what was ok and what was not ok, what I could like and not like. I am free from the restraints of the world. I am free to live my life and do the things I desire. It is what makes me happy, its what I want, its a good thing. This relates to me by means of me kinda just discovering this today, it actually set in and I realized why it is what I want. Why do I want it, cause it give me pleasure, it makes me happy, and I like it. Why this selection out of 100? That is the hardest question of all. My Goddess is intelligent, smart, and very wise. I could never try to figure out why she does, what she does. Maybe she wanted this artical cause she knew it would re-enforce the thoughts and realization that it is ok, that I figured out today. Its a good thing, and that is ok, it is ok, and thats a good thing. It is ok for me to surrender to My Goddess, and if my surrender to her pleases her is a good thing. It is ok to desire to wear the collar of My Goddess, and if makes My Goddess happy to see me wear her collar, that, IS A GOOD THING! |
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Wow, I have had a experience, and some understanding ha come over me. I can understand why I desire to be owned and collared. I know why I function best and prosper the most when I am. Its the climate required for this little seedling to be able to grow, and become the plant it is destined to be. Me spending so muc time as a child in some sort of "institutionalized" enviroment, and having my ass beaten, or recieving some sort of corpal punishment of different sorts. Why would someone desire this lifestyle and get off on it? I know that answer now, or at least the answer for me. It is what as a kid I grew up knowing, and living for so many years. Why do I feel as though I need to belong to someone? What is it that scares me to be alone, and without someone to guide me? Is the reason why I dont like to make decisions for myself because I always had someone else to make them for me? Maybe I dont perform to the best of my ability because I knoiw there isnt anyone there to make sure I do, noone there to guide me and prod me to do better, noone is pushing me and making me extend my limits, nonone to beat me if I screw up. I accept who I am, I accept my strong points, and I accept my weakness's. I embrace the one who owns me, hopefully one day I will become a proud collared submissive to a wonderful Domme. I love myself and who I am. Who am I? I am Brad, a submissive male, with a true desire to be controlled and dominated every day, a desire to be rewarded when I am good, and when I am bad I want to be punished. Why? Because this is what I am and its how I have to be in life. I can honestly and finally say I truely accept who I am, what I am, what I desire, what I want, what I need in life. This is me, and its what works for me. Its such a relief to be able to sit here and know this now. Wow, and it only took me till I was 33 years old to find out. |
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Well, I am going to try again, lets see if I can get the crap flowing again. I had one question that stood out in my mind. Why do I feel such a need to feel accepted? what is it that burns so deeply, that makes me cry out to serve? Wow, what a transformation. What is it about this acceptance word? Why is it stuck in my head? If people you know are having problems does or can it cause others to have problems or issues too? Why do I have these ups and downs? Why did I collaspe today and feel completely letdown, when just hours before I was on top of my world. I cant type right now, my thoughts are too jumbled and clustered. |
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Well I am back again to write again. This seems to help me. I have to force myself to sit here and do this, but it helps to let me sort thru my thoughtsand get some understanding of my feelings, wants and desires. As I stood in the shower a few moments ago, just letting the water run down my body, I stood there, my mind wandering and rushing from one thought to another, but one question stood out in my mind. Well, now I got to go, a friend is in desperate need of help. |
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How can you go from being so high and feeling so great, to the next feeling of such emptyness, hopelessness, and despair? How is it that yesterday i felt like i was on top of the world and yet today i feel that i have fell so far down that now i dont even know where i am and even question my feelings an thoughts? how do you pull yourslef back without clamming up and shuting everything down? just when things start to make sense and i am able to see clearly, things get all disorted and makes me confused again. how is it you can desire something you cant have? how can you turn feelings off like a light swtch? how do you tell your heart to slow down? how can you do this day in and day out? |
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I figure instead of changing my profile all the time to reflect the things I have learned and figured out, I would just try to translate what I am feeling and thinking into words here. Maybe that was the reason for a journal to start with. Maybe what I say or try to convey will help another person, whether sub, slave, Dom, Domme, or Switch. (hope I didnt leave anyone out, if I did i am sorry, just include yourself somewhere in my catagories, besides, its my journal anyhow) I am not going to focus much of my attention or time to correct spelling grammar, etc. My thoughts race too fast to stop and try to correct everything as I go. So thanks, and enjoy the random thoughts and view into my mind.
i sit here with a mulitude of thoughts and feelings racing thru my body, mind, and soul. i have often wondered what it was that would make a submissive give control, power and such to a person. i have wondered what makes a sub want to serve and please their master from even when master may be hundreds of miles away. why a sub wouldnt do anything against masters rules, wishes, etc. these are just some of the questions in my head, that i have more of a understanding now then i did when this journey or adventure or whatever ou may want to call it or however you want to refer to it. i dont have a complete understanding and i dont imagine i will ever know or ever have a complete understanding of all everything. i will never know everything, and i know this, but that doesnt mean i cant or that i shouldnt strive for this or aim to be perfect. set your goals high. its what i always thought. i have fought and resisted something for so long, and now i understand what it is i have been fighting, and what it is i desire and crave. this understanding has been brought about by many different sources, too many to ever try to sit and name, some more so than others, and in one case, one by far the most, and i hope and pray that i am able to continue to learn and develop myself into a better person. they alone have probally to this date been the most instrumental of all in bringing me to the point i am now at. oh god do i start to understand things now. wow, its mind boggleing. mind blowing. how someone can pull things out of me that i didnt even know was there. a long time ago, part of me died. as i told them, i feel as though ive been wandering for so long, searching for something, and having no clue what it was i was looking for or wanting. oh god the things in my head. i just wish i could get whats in my head on paper. i often wonder if there is words that are capable of explaining whats in this head. ive been putting so much in my head and trying to process it all, and its such a slow process, its hard at times for me to sit and express myself the way i intended. wow, to sit here and know that what ive been searching and wanting for so long, is what i fought against for the longest time. why did i fight it, i dont know, maybe it goes back to the comment, you fight what you fear the most. but then that makes me wonder what is it i fear. i fear feeling like im not needed, feeling unwanted, feeling like i make noone happy, i fear dying alone, i fear not ever getting that person who is your everything, the one you would lay your life down for. i have a much better understaning now as to what i want. by the way the song want to be there by blessed union of soul, is a awesome song. its one of if not the best song ive ever heard. well im going to stop here, my thoughts have changed course now, and now my thoughts are on someone else, god, oh man, im stripped and kneeling, with my hands behind my back to be bound, bow my head, showing my utter and complete surrender, and say "Yes my Goddess" oh my god, i truely have desire to be collared, how can this be, how can the hunter become the hunted? how can the emt, become the victim? how can the Dom become the submissive? wow its freaking amazing, for so long ive been the one who wanted to be the dom, but thats nt what i truely wanted, it was the ezact oppisite of what i wanted, what i desired, what i craved. ive said many times i would never put a womans name on my body, but ive found one who might be able to get me to, i would be honored to wear her name, her brand, her mark, her collar. she will forevr be My Goddess to me. |
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Male Switch, 42, New York City, New York
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Male Dominant, 59, Richmond, Indiana
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Male Dominant, 46, Metuchen, New Jersey
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Dominant Couple, 44, anderson, South Carolina
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Male Submissive, 27
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Male Submissive, 18, Dubai
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Male Switch, 40
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Male Submissive, 39
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Male Dominant, 27, Nassau, New York
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Male Submissive, 46, Eastern CT, Connecticut
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Female Submissive, 32, melbourne, Florida
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Male Submissive, 39, Chicago, Illinois
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