I am a dominant guy in northern va, looking for a submissive


Grimli	grimly536	grimly3


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	I am a dominant guy in northern va, looking for a submissive to have fun times with. I am experienced, I do not live the bdsm life 24/7, its part of my bedroom lifestyle, few times will it bleed into my vanilla normal life. realistically id like to have more than just bedroom fun. Id like to know you as a partner, friend, or possibly have it grow into an actual relationship. Ive been in the lifestyle for a long time. Seen and done a lot of things. I respect limits, and i respect who im with. Im drug and disease free

5/9/2014 7:24:37 PM

5 assumptoins single, heterosxual woman, new to the scene shouldn't make.

1) Don't assume you are A submissive. Men want to choose Dominant/Master from the drop down menu. that's really all there is to that. Don't assume because you are attracted to men and want the attention of men and have only been able to read BDSM erotica centered around men as dominants; that you have to choose submissive from the drop down menu.

2) Don't assume that wanting a "dominant" man to swoop in and take care of your shit means you are submissive (aka weaker than a dominant). I know, your tired. Life is hard. You want someone that will ask you how your day was, make some decisions and relieve you of the stress and pressure in your life. So do they. Really really. So, despite that you can be a dominant or a switch or not at all into power exchange and still want what you want.

3) Don't assume there is a lower standard you have to meet because you are a woman. Whether you want to bottom or top or submit or dominate you have to have some skills. In fact, if you want to bottom to a rigger the only skill you don't need to have is to know how to tie the knot. But, let me clue you in here; good rope bunnies know how to tie the fucking knot. You have to be skilled at negotiation, risk awareness, first aid, Red scenarios. You have to be skilled at taking responsibility for your decisions, your actions, you own care, communication, knowing your limits, knowing what you want and yes, saying NO. So if you encounter a anyone that believes all you have to do to bottom or be submissive (or just as a woman in general) is show up, run. If you believe that all you have to do as a bottom, submissive or woman in general is show up; leave, now. The only thing you don't need to have skill to do here is be a victim.

4) Don't assume that sex positive means men will treat you with more respect while trying to get to your pussy; or after they get your pussy. Sex positive is not about how other people treat you. It's about how YOU treat you.

5) Don't assume that anyone has more character, integrity, honesty, transparency and decency than anyone else because they are a member or leader in the "community". BDSM doesn't attract a "higher class" of person. It's KINK. Absolutely anyone on the planet can have a kink. This has ZERO to do with character, integrity, honestly and transparency. You are not safer here than anywhere else. You're also not in any more danger here than anywhere else. Because KINK and being a decent person have nothing to do with each other. You will meet a shit ton of people that can talk the talk; just like in the vanilla world. Again, a label from a drop down menu doesn't make it true.

5/4/2014 4:33:34 AM

Advice for those who want to top: Your job is to be stable, reliable, trustworthy and honest. You are expected to be strong. That doesn't always mean physically. The mental qualities you have to offer are much more important. These are basic requirements for being in charge of anything and are especially important if you are actively or passively taking charge of people's bodies, minds and hearts in a sexual context. Kink and BDSM are games with real world consequences. They are games that matter. Before you, as a top, take on a bottom in any context, you should ask yourself and others you trust if: You are patient enough You are an active listener You are a civil, polite, assertive, clear communicator You are in control of yourself at all times You have the attitude that everyone else has something to teach you, even if that thing is learning how you don't want to do things You can handle extreme stress You're comfortable with extreme disapproval from a wide segment of society You have enough humility to balance the kind of ego it takes to give out pain and pleasure in the right doses at the right time In my year in this lifestyle I've played some amazingly intense games. I've dealt with a wide range of fascinating people and some flat out crazy people. I've learned a number of things about the human mind. Been exposed to a level of need, lust, desire, hurt and trauma that makes my first four decades look positively easy. I've spent years in war zones so trust me when I say that sometimes, being a top can feel a lot like being in a combat zone. The landscape might change without warning - you're the one expected to deal with it and make everything come out alright in the end. Don't take it lightly. You're in charge of precious human beings. Their bodies, their minds, their core. Sub space is a sacred place. Taking someone there and bringing them back is an honor. Treat your dynamic with respect, and give your loyalty to those who extend trust by offering you their everything. Never lose your temper. When you do, make a genuine apology. Admit that you don't know everything. Make an effort to learn all that you can. There are lots of labels you can wear as a top. If you wear the wrong one, people are going to call you on it. I'm not judging anyone except myself and those who have submitted to me, but I cringe when I see someone pop up on in my feed is under 40 and self-identifies as a master. Really? You're not a master of anything until you're the master of yourself. I might be there when I'm 80. We'll see. Love and lust are malleable things. If you're going to use someone do it well and make sure they know what to expect. Limits, boundaries, pitfalls, and most of all that you are going to take care of them after you're done giving them whatever deviance it is you intend to dish out. Power exchange is really, really risky. Don't jump in the pool until you're ready to swim, and don't go in the deep end until you're good at treading water and have the necessary endurance. People in this lifestyle drown all the time. They have close calls even more often. As a top you should see yourself as a lifeguard. I don't expect everyone to agree with me on every point. I'm glad people are calling me out on things they see differently.

2/27/2014 12:40:56 AM

Recieved some new restraints and flogger in the mail today. Hope i can find someone to use them on.

2/16/2014 4:04:28 PM

Dont contact me thinking i will be your new bank acct, i dont do financial d/s. Its just a way for you to be a modern day hooker. And im not paying into something ill see no return.