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Arlie21
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| I am an intelligent, honest, attractive, and very real, dominant and married male looking for a submissive female. Involvement with my wife on a personal level is a requirement, and openness to sexual involvement with her is preferred [she's lovely - pics of her available on request]. Yet this is initially and primarily about me so I'm starting with myself. We are not looking for a poly member, but someone that does fit in well enough to spend time at our house as a vanilla friend.
I enjoy exploring people and the give and take between dominant and submissive. I read "no limits" profiles and that sounds boring honestly. I'm not looking for a prop, I'm looking for a person... the limits are where the tension lies. That said, I'm here because I do enjoy having a woman on her knees, taking instruction, receiving punishment or reward, and ultimately satisfaction for us both.
Was in a relationship for awhile, very nice, but now looking again.
You can see my journal for more... keeping it brief here.
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Wow. Has it really been a year since I've been here last?
Been busy. Both the good kind and the bad. Looking again... |
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So I was reading other user journals and it sparked a little thinking of my own, about the relationship between sex and kink. While they are deeply entwined for me, they are also distinct. I have great sex without any kink involved whatsoever. And there are many aspects to Ds that aren't remotely sexual to me. Yet, when mixed, it is exquisite.
A couple examples are that my wife and I used to swing. It was fun, but got boring. Nothing inherently bad about it, but it just seemed pointless. Too quick, too meaningless. I am endlessly fascinated by people, and really getting into a subs head is a gift and a pleasure. Later on I started an intense Ds relationship with a sub who I'd known... and been sleeping with... for ten years. We didn't need to add it in to continue a sexual relationship, but once we did, it was sublime.
I also think how when I'm reading a description of a non-sexual but very intense Ds scene, the dark yet beautiful hunger that wells up in me does not inspire an erection. It's more wistful. Being able to release the sexual hunger is simply part of the domination. There is a lot more give and take in a proper Ds relationship than just fucking... |
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So I was emailing with someone I met here, and I was discussing what some rules were for my last sub. I thought it might be informative if I included it here. I just used the letter "S" for her name for discretion.
In addition to any other times, I saw S regularly twice a week on Tuesday/Thursday in the evening after work. She was to have a drink prepared, condom unwrapped and ready on the bedside table, a variety of standard implements laid out, and she was to be freshly washed in a position of my choosing -- the standard without other instruction was wearing a specific item of lingerie, in bed (under the covers) on her back with her legs spread and hands behind her knees. Sometimes I'd change it to nude, and/or kneeling beside the bed, or lying face down or another position if she was to be punished. The bedroom was to be perfectly clean, S had a tendency towards messiness and I wasn't going to fuck in a hovel. She was to be ready at exactly 6:30pm I think it was, and the door was to be unlocked at 6:25pm. If I was late it was agreed I would call because I didn't want her leaving her door unlocked like that for more than a few minutes, though I don't recall ever having to do so. She also had an issue with timeliness, so all the clocks in her house were required to be within 2 minutes of the correct time -- easily found on a cell phone -- which I would check from time to time. She was also required to keep her car clean if I was ever to ride in it.
During sex, I never touched the condom. I told her when to put it on, and she removed it afterwards. She was required to audibly thank me during her orgasms with a specific phrase, whether I was present or not. Sometimes she was allowed to give herself orgasms alone, sometimes she wasn't. Sometimes she was required to. There was another longer phrase of a few sentences she memorized which I would have her repeat on command, often during my own orgasm, before/during/after punishment, or sometimes when I just wished to hear it. I would write it here, but it actually feels very intimate to me. She was to email me every night, including reports of any orgasms. Partway through I marked her with an HCH piercing (google it if you don't know) and her nightly email was to include a report that she had properly cared for my mark during the healing period. Incidentally that was her first piercing besides ears and bellybutton.
Some of the rules I was strict on specifically for S. She could be messy and late so I tailored it around that both because it irritated me and challenged her personally. Most of them simply pleased me though. There were other more general ones, such as I was never to be without a drink at a party if I wanted one and she was always to monitor and ask when my current one got low. This could be done without being obvious and raising questions. Sometimes I had her do minor errands for me. None of them particularly consequential or difficult, but it made my life easier. Sometimes I would have her do things that helped her that I knew she would otherwise put off.
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Some people asked, and my wife is available for phone confirmation that my profile is indeed accurate. She joins me in meeting any new friends after a couple visits on my end to make sure they're for real as well.
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I am the sort of "Speak softly, but carry a big switch." kind of dominant. I believe that my eyes should be the most dominant thing about me. I'm old enough to know exactly what I want and successful enough that I expect to get it. I'm not the kind to sit down at a first meeting and immediately start telling you what to do... though I always fight the urge to do so. Similarly I would not like at all to be called "Master" upon first meeting. That comes with a lot of expectations which you have not yet agreed to or earned. The right submissive will be drawn and obedient to me simply because it's a privilege to do so -- which I firmly believe it is -- not because she's been bullied into it. And she earns this privilege by being intelligent and attractive herself, not to mention well-behaved. In general, there must be an underlying friendship and understanding prior to beginning this sort of relationship. I am concerned with establishing that my sub is healthy in mind and body enough to not be harmed by my enjoying her completely. I take the mantra of "Leaving others better than you found them." quite seriously. Despite these concerns, make no mistake, I am seeking an object. A prized object... an object of affection, but ultimately a possession to please me as I wish.
I enjoy obedience and humiliation. You should know from a glance what my mood is and what is expected of you. You will always be a given an opportunity to behave correctly, and if not you will be reprimanded and punished as appropriate. I quite enjoy eye contact control. Sometimes you will be required to maintain unflinching eye contact. Especially fun during an intense orgasm. Sometimes you will not be allowed the privilege of seeing me at all. I have with past girlfriends walked in the door at an agreed time, bent them over, fucked them and left without saying a word or having them once seen me. I like posing my playthings and will put you in varying positions. Sometimes tied down, sometimes blindfolded, sometimes standing, sometimes with devices inside you, other times wishing you had. I enjoy calling my pets names to remind them what they are and you will be given a permanent name of my choosing. You will be required to be either utterly silent or only speak as allowed or in the right way. Overall I like to mix things up and keep it interesting. There will be general rules to learn and from session to session you will be required to do different things. I will expect to have full access to your entire body at all times in private, and possibly in semi-public, though exhibitionism really isn't a fetish for me. You will definitely be required to dress certain ways at times and in manners of my choosing.
I am less concerned with inflicting pain. My mood varies though and sometimes I will definitely be interested in it. Discomfort of one kind or another is definitely a part of obedience training. I'm certainly not interested in leaving any permanent damage... I like to keep my toys in good condition. It suffices to punish as necessary, or to simply let the sub know that their body is not their own. It is mine. Occasionally pain limits will be tested, because that's the only way to find them. I can't be punishing well below what is appropriate just because I don't know where your maximum is. I will inflict pain ranging from maintaining uncomfortable positions, clamps on various sensitive bits, open hand spanking, crops, floggers, and paddling. A quick yank on your hair or very hard pinch can suffice for an immediate attention to misbehavior. Lastly, I'm also like keeping a sub on the teetering edge of orgasm for longest time, which can be its own exquisite kind of pain.
I also thoroughly enjoy reward in addition to punishment. I'm comfortable giving verbal praise for a job well done. Other rewards might include an extra orgasm or three, a new toy, a pretty bauble, item of clothing, a nice evening out, or even a weekend getaway together. I am a man of no small means and enjoy using them. Being with me is a privilege and it should definitely feel like it. I also very much like seeing, making, hearing, and feeling a woman come. Obedient subs get rewarded with orgasms on a very regular basis. Sometimes you will be coming for me, and sometimes for yourself. But to be clear, reward is only giving for good behavior as a submissive, and not for any other reason.
As for my overall personality, my most consistent character trait is fun-loving rake. I've always got a joke ready, and love to sail the edge of what might actually be "appropriate" humor, and somehow get away with it. I can be impulsive, and am always up for a good time. I have grown to appreciate the finer things, but do not require them in order to enjoy myself. The best way to illustrate this is that I love Las Vegas, though not from a pretentious standpoint. More in the "I can get whatever the hell I want at 4AM on a Tuesday in January." kind of way. I've learned to rein the crazy in a bit for the benefit of those around me, but I'm not afraid to let it get behind the wheel from time to time.
Beneath this exterior there is a hardness. While I've been extraordinarily lucky in some ways, I've been equally unlucky in others. I won't go into detail here, but they have left their mark on my soul. The importance of this is that there is a long-simmering anger within me. A cold rage I find both powerful and overwhelming. I could write at length about this, but put simply, I can be a stone-hearted son-of-a-bitch when I want to.
And sometimes I very much want to.
This is the allure of BDSM for me. I get to be that person and coddle and polish that anger like the hardened pearl it has become.
Aside from these two primary facets my other characteristics are as follows: I am a Father of two, and a damn good one. I adore the written word, which you may gather from the affection I've put into this profile. like to think I'm generous. My job is highly technical, and I'm very good at it and well paid for my troubles. My job keeps me very busy between November and January, with highly flexible time the rest of the year. I exercise regularly and my health is quite important to me, precisely because by treating my body well I can choose the time and place for treating it poorly with fewer repercussions. I'm not into sports at all, either spectator or participant. I do enjoy the odd football game with friends. I'm neat and organized, but not to a fault... only out of necessity for managing a modern successful life. My most prized possession is my time, of which there is never enough. Don't waste it.
My experience level I would rate as "medium to high". I've been doing this off and on for quite awhile. From first stumblings to reading well up on it to having an owned sub for over two years. I'm comfortable with someone new to the scene. Outside of the bedroom I'm looking for a friendship, but it should be clear the Ds relationship extends 24/7, and I will test that from time to time. We used to swing but that was simply too vanilla and short-term for our tastes. My wife is comfortable (or a participant) with all my activities (I've had two long term girlfriends during our nine year marriage). It is absolutely mandatory you are comfortable meeting her. I've had promising relationships suddenly fizzle when it came to actually integrating into my life. She is more than friendly in and out of the bedroom and it is a privilege to be her friend as well. In our relationship I'm definitely dominant, but we don't go all the places I've outlined here. If things go well we may all participate together, which has gone stunningly well in the past for all involved, but I've also learned to let that happen more organically. Initially, at least, you are my girlfriend, not "ours".
Well, that's about it for now. I look forward to meeting you. |
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If you don't stop crying, two things are going to happen. First, I'm going to have an orgasm. And then I'm going to go to sleep.
~Spanky Ham |
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