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Enjoying my new life with my new Mistress. The first day we met, she did collar me and removed me from the registry. No longer available.
I should like to mention that it is possible to find love in your dominant and have them love you just as much.
My mistress and I are considered now to be common-law, even though I still wear her collar.
646-369-407 |
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Thank you to all those in attendance for the first Reivyn's Munch. Topics that were conversed about were informative and hope to see you all there again at the next gathering.
Until further details are given, it will be let known as to whether or not the next Reivyn's Munch will be the first Monday of April as it falls upon Easter Monday.
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Reivyn Munch
=> new gathering place for those wanting a return to the more traditional ways of the Old Guard.
=> the function of the munch is to discover if there is interest in the practice of the Old Guard to teach new dominants and those submissives and/or slaves what is expected of them. Another function is to remove the stigma that the lifestyle is all about sex and we are very sure that there are those in the community that do not believe such themselves.
=> Jocelyn's Place, 2984 Dundas Street West, Toronto, evening 8pm, is a public venue, those attending are expected to govern themselves respectfully and what belongs to them accordingly
=> new dominants and those interested in the lifestyle are invited to attend |
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My Mistress is fine with the idea of me remaining in contact with those that her girl has had contact with prior to claiming me as hers. Mistress just wants it clear that her girl belongs to her but there is no reason to isolate her girl from those that have been met here.
If you wish to contact her girl and correspond about background or the previous post concerning the Munch on March 1st @ 8pm, on 2982 Dundas St. W. @ Jocelyn's Place. |
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Was lost but now this slave has been. So very happy to have been found by a very lovely Mistress. She had looked at a couple of collars upon me and decided on one that isn't too thick or bulky. We returned to where this slave resides and in front of witnesses proceeded to collar me. Just need to find someone in the Toronto area that knows the ceremony to bind me to Mistress Melissa proper.
This slave apologizes if having been taken by another is an inconvenience. There exists a connection already between us that compelled me to kneel at her feet and this slave senses that it is with this Mistress, that this truely belongs. |
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now this slave has been here for a while and within the first few weeks seen the worst of those that would believe that they may have me without responsibility.
The one thing that was found that is really interesting are those that want a submissive or slave to have a life outside the lifestyle. To have two faces, the vanilla self and the bdsm self.
Having only ever been with a Miss since grade 11 in high school and up until 3 months ago. Get a life. How? This is my life. Do not know how to function vanilla when the lifestyle is all that has ever been known by me.
This is my life. Never been with a Sir because they scare the hell out of me. Peace of mind, fears abated when with my Miss. Yes, the love of being with a Miss for the rest of my life is what is being seeked by me. That total immensity of that one word that has so many stay at a distance. Wouldn't a Miss want a slave that would love her unconditionally and that the Miss would value something so precious?
There's many that could be my next Owner but some that were found don't understand or don't want to understand. Being this slave's Owner takes more than being dominant. Only time my previous Miss' used what is called the 'Owner's Voice' is when it was needed to remind me of my place and to punish me. The 'Natural Voice' makes a submissive or slave feel compelled. It is with that voice no-limits and TPE is as it is supposed to be.
This slave has lived the lifestyle all my adult life. Get a life. It is my life to serve and love my Miss with all my being once she is found or she finds me. |
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646-369-407
I am currently being considered for ownership but since I am in the habit of keeping even my past owner's identity, anonymity is keeping to my personal code of conduct.
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I probably should not put this here but the journal is where I put my thoughts and feelings. By the Goddess I need something to do. Being shackled to a wall and repeatedly flogged on every inch of my body would be better than all this waiting. If I don't figure out something to do I going to start piercing myself with safety pins. Now that's a thought but I might frighten the other girls that share the dorm with me.
Not looking forward to Saturday night, being moved to a mix dorm for a night. Girls and guys sharing the same dorm. Of course all the hetero girls say don't worry about it. Easy for them to say. I would prefer to be tied to a wall and have my body dripped with hot wax. |
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What is it about some that believe a slave is only a slave if they allow themselves to have the darkness within another released upon them? There are too many destroyers in the world and not enough builders. Or is it that there are too many users and not enough keepers?
Is it that with medical science and the ethical treatment of animals that has individuals looking to each other to satisfy their hunger for cuelty? Maybe it's inevitable that in the 21st century, there will be something new. Perhaps something called the Ethical treatment of slaves.
Oh wait. There is that, the Old Guard new how to treat a slave properly. Maybe that explains why there is not that many of them anymore as they would now be in their 60s+.
There are some though that like the old way and wish to return to them. |
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For those who have inquired and anyone else interested...
Ther is a new Munch here in Toronto on the 1st Monday of every month....
Location: Jocelyn's Place, 2982 Dundas St. W., Toronto
Date: March 1st 2010
Time: 8pm
Note: It is a public venue
If you have any questions regarding the munch, please feel free to contact me.
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If you have read my journal then you'll know what I mean by the following.
I embrace the origins of BDSM as my guide and if all you want of me is to be your personal object for the purpose of instant gratification without responsibility or personal discipline, I am not the one you want. There is more to pleasure than sex and anti-feminist sadism. |
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I am beginning to think that what I wish to aspire to as a slave to a Miss will never occur. I say this because of the simple fact that the large majority that have contacted me since registering here after my release see all things living as nothing more than objects to own. I feel that all my training is wasted here as all that is wanted here is instant sexual gratification and/ or doormat.
I have at 30 years remaining in me to serve another Miss. I am not interested in fantasy but the rest of my life with a Miss that actually values life.
Serious messages only. I'm not playing games here. I'm in this lifestyle for life and it has cost me my family as a result. Get it now! I have nothing but the rest of my life. Understand! |
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Just so you know as I was inspired to make this entry by another member here that is worth their weight in diamonds.
want a bitch, adopt one from the SPCA;
want a slut, you only need to rent a video;
want an it, rent the movie or read the book;
want a toy, there is Toys R Us; and finally,
want a piece of meat, ask for it from your local butcher.
seriously, I have been in this lifestyle all my adult life and will continue until the day I die. If you can not approach me with respect then you are not the dominant you think you are and not worthy of a heart devoted or my training. My last Miss, her husband trained me, I can renovate any basement into a dungeon, give me plans and I can build dungeon equipment. My first Miss trained me to suit her purposes, she was a private costume designer. What will my next Miss train me in to better meet her purposes? As the above or be realistic and think about the next 30 or 40 years of my life. Be realistic when you contact me and want me to be your slave. I'm human and a slave, treat me like crap and get a respectful reply of 'no thank you'. My last Miss' husband had me carry my own weight on the construction site which is why I am not much to look at. Upper body strength and sink like a rock in water.
I don't break too easily and I might outlast your flogging arm.
I'm like the horse in the corral, I stay because I am treated well. Abuse or misuse, jump the fence or a mule kick into a wall. I have been tempered by my last Miss by not being a sexual slave. I now search for the Miss that wants to share the journey and explore the deeper meanings of the D/s relationship.
I desire more than what the flesh can offer. |
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I know what I desire as a slave and its not instant gratification for the euphoria is temporary. I was allowed to research BDSM and its origins. When a slave is made chaste. where masturbation is punishable by a good strapping. A slave confines herself to her room. Explores her own self by looking within and reflecting. Then as an award for loyalty you are given access to the internet, the slave becomes inspired. She seeks a deeper understanding into the origins of BDSM as it connects one culture to the next. There is a commonality in its usage. Its not about physical gratification. Its about transcending corporeal shackles that binds one to this world. Opens the mind to new possibilites, extends boundaries beyond the physical and the spirit soars. I have been bound in the fetal position, when I relaxed to when I no longer felt the ropes, I felt a subtle calmness and I simply went to sleep as I was unaware that I had been suspended off the floor. I felt tranquility as I was not part of this world anymore. That is what I seek and that is what I want to share with my next Owner. Instant gratification is a means of suppressing what BDSM is really about. Its about extending perceptions, increasing awareness and soaring higher than physical limitations. Origins of BDSM predate recorded history back when humanity seeked any means necessary to rejoin themselves with the stars in the sky.
That is what I believe BDSM will do for me.
Possession is an illusion, you can not own what seeks to rejoin the stars. |
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I would like to paint a picture for those that read my journal about what I seek. Step beyond the lure of carnal pleasure and instant gratification and the illusion of no-limits slave where TPE takes on a whole new meaning. It begins with the origins of BDSM which were founded by zealots and spiritual fanaticism.
I am a creature that seeks to have one to whom my heart can be truely dedicated and when I am with the right one that my spirit soars. Where my flesh is bound and in my masochism that my spirit is released from corporeal shell. To embrace that level of awareness that is shared when the spark becomes the flames that lifts me up in the moment when I become a splendid creature for the one that put me in that state of consciousness.
I believe that level of commitment within a D/s relationship scares the hell out of most dominants.
Perceptions are stuck in a corporeal muck that perverts and corrupts in an ooze of carnal want and instant gratification.
For me, being a sub/ slave is more metaphysical, more ritual and more spiritual. Just too bad that some have never thought to explore the origins of BDSM as they would rather destroy and clip the wings of those that would want to soar for those they serve for all to admire.
This is what my Miss, Sir or Both has done for me. See my wings as I spread them and take flight. They have done this for me and my place is with them. My heart is devoted and my spirit knows no bounds for I am truely free.
That is what I wish to experience. The admiration from the one that I belong. A sub/ slave can not be a piece of meat, an it or an object to be that which was forementioned. Such are corporeal illusions meant to subdue, subjugate and extinguish the spark within. To render another nothing more than a shell, empty without heart and without spirit. How very disappointing. How very contemptible. Such a waste. |
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my journal is a place for me to be honest about my thoughts and feelings. This entry is about surprise expectations by a potential dominant that brings the sub/ slave in and decides that they want to put their health at risk by wanting to put them in harms way. Harms way should be the choice of the sub/ slave to keep their owner from harm not be a cash slave. I am reminded of my scars and my spade left thumb because cash was more important than my health, Thinking about it after it came up as what is really desired by a dominant. I refuse to be an object to be carellessly used again. I have one body in which to dedicate to that one special Miss worth a life devoted to her, heart and soul. |
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growing up and even as a pet, it was established very early that if I did not speak or behave in accordance with proper etiquette that I would be punished. Why should here be any different or any where online? Is it really that much of a bother to approach as equals and establish correspondence within level field of understanding?
I would think and believe that one might get much further with patience and earn another's trust before assuming dominance over a total stranger. Maybe some like that as that is what is believed to be normal. i personally am looking for someone to be companion to for the rest of my years in the capacity of being subordinate to an individual. So of course I'm being choosey. If I can have a Miss for 18 yrs, I think and believe I could find someone for the next 40 yrs of my life. Wouldn't anyone want that or is another's life dedicated with a devoted heart and spirit undesireable these days? |
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since 1985, whe I first was collared, my training was done in isolation. I was not influenced by how other subs or slaves bowed to their Miss' and Sirs. Neither were my Miss' influenced by their peers. They had their own ways of discipline and punishment. The more time I spend in correspondence with those I have met here, I begin to understand more about why they did leave the community. It's a real shame that the beauty of the sub and slave is being made less than what they really are, a beautiful creature.
Just too bad there are so many that seek to destroy such creatures of empowerment. No one is a dominant without such a creature to empower them to become dominant. |
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I don't know what others think a sub or slave is, but until I'm owned by you, you contact me by being vulgar, speaking trash or believing you can command me, take a few steps back. I am more inclined to be receptive if you were in a club full of vanillas and you were wanting to speak with me. If you can not be respectful from the beginning then you're not worthy of my respect or to be empowered as to whom I serve. What part of dignity and self-respecting slave don't you understand?
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If such is your ego that you are unable to perceive another as equal, then you do not desrve to be empowered as dominant.
I serve from the heart and my soul and I have yet to find anyone to empower and become their slave.
Look to the foundations from which BDSM originated. Faith and military discipline. Ritual and dogma of many cultures.
Like my first Miss and my last Miss that removed themselves from the community. I have found some to be seriously lacking.
Mindset is an illusion if you don't believe and respect your self.
If you only want to own because its a fad, you don't deserve a slave. People do like their titles. As I said, I serve from my heart and soul. |
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it is jerks that put their own needs first before any others that make me want to use my experiences and animosity towards vanilla Sirs, string them up by the balls until they turn blue, rot and they fall to the ground. Maybe I am not ready to serve a Sir in the capacity as their slave. If they are as selfish as many Sirs that are vanilla, roles would be reversed because they definitely need to be made the bitch. |
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I don't know who came up with the notion that submissives and slaves are just another word for cheap hooker. Thoe that are wanting a submissive or slave need to get their head on straight. Not all of us are cyber-tramps. Some of us actually did choose the lifestyle because it is what we do.
I swear, some think being a sub or slave translates to being an individual that gives free head or be their doormat for a night. |
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I don't know who it was that stated that a slave should be treated less than trash. Since trash has more respect it seems.
A slave empowers an indiividual to take control of their lives bit by bit. Not something that happens over night or in the snap of the fingers.
A good slave as I was told, respects her self and carries her self with dignity. Be it public with vanillas around or in the privacy of the bedroom. It is not an act of indignance to remain strong. Nothing wrong with being proud about being a slave.
Treat me with vulgarity in mind and get no where with me. Trust is about respect and I respect no one that refers to me without a little etiquette.
I'm not a doormat. |
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who ever said reconciliation is good for the soul, should be drawn and quartered. after 20 years of not seeing my parents and sister. accepted their invitation to visit. not only did they try to get me to walk away from my lifestyle choice but that even if I did, I would never be welcomed in my sister's home. it only took six hours to realize that I should not have accepted their invitation. I would still have the illusion that I had a family. blood is not thicker than water. i should have just had them remain as ghosts. |
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This girl thought that if she changed her status from Dyke to Bi- she would attract the attention of couples. She did but all are predominately Male dominated just as have been all of girl's interested correspondences.
Those that have contacted me and girl has had any communication, if they would like to explore continued communication they are welcome to do so. Others that would rather drink instant everyday, this slave is not your type.
Pieces of meat, its and dumb c**** don't know how to build houses from a hole in the ground.
This girl can not be Bi- if she's never been with a guy.....ever. |
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....and upon my back with my own arms outstretched did gossamer wings appear, my owner did hook their feet across my ass. Tiny steel rings like cool needles pressed against my tender skin. 'thwap' upon the thigh, marked now red. Staying still as my owner checks if all is well with them, then, a sweet caress of leather sweet upon my cheek. 'Thwap' leather snaps against skin and with each snap new height is reached. Gossamer wings appear gilded in silver as the moonlight glistens off the edges of my wings..... |
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This girl wants to share the what remains of her journey with her Owner, but if all an Owner wants is an instant gratification slave, girl is not for you. |
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There are many that believe it is instant gratification that is satisfying and the pursuit of it over an over again is the better intoxicant and/ or addiction. Familiar words to so many wanting for the ultimate slave.
This girl believes that it is the slow hand of pleaure or pain that is the more lasting within the subconscious. It is the memory that returns with shadows of sensation.
This girl has only experienced the slow hand of pleasure and pain once in her lifetime. girl still remembers her first Miss to this day because this girl loved her greatly. Although this girl may never see her first Miss again, can only hope to find an owner that agrees the slow hand is the most memorable for pleasure and pain.
When its a slow hand the relationship becomes more anchored.
girl's personal approach to the M/s relationship is more spiritual than physical and mental. Spirit opens the mind and sustains the body. |
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girl needs her fingernails to grow back in, third time at this journal entry, touch two buttons and the whole screen clears;
short and to the point then,
if you are on the same continent and a slave you want also shares the same continent, then make your claim by going physically to them and saying such,
yes, that's right, remove your self from your computer and find what you want to be your's,
the idea that dominants want a slave to spend what money they have to get to them is preposterous. my first miss came to me when girl was 16yo and told me to wait until girl was 18yo and legal, not to say she was not there watching over me, she wanted me and girl wanted to be with her. girl misses being her pet, kneeling with quiet adoration at her feet and head upon her lap.
second miss came to me when girl was recovering in hospital but she could not remain, but when she relocated to the westcoast, she sent for me and girl went.
these two Miss', girl speaks of them often because they are a dying breed of Mistress', just as girl is a dying breed of slave.
They met me and knew they wanted me and did take responsibility for me. There were no cages or other fancy hardware or even velvet floggers. There was discipline and there was punishment. Vanilla outside the home, Mistress and her slave inside the home. girl was treated like she belonged there and yes, girl was owned, but what is often spoke of here by those wanting is simply cruelty.
Make an investment, tear your self away from the computer and meet me. You know where my city is and you can contact me here. You are the dominant, not me.
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This girl has too much dignity as a slave to solicit a potentialndominant with photos of my self nude. As my profile outlines, this slave is more traditional, more concerned with appearances than uploading vulgar images of my self.
It is also in this posting girl would like to point out, not sure who you are or what you think you are but those of you that are seeking a slave, don't be sending me vulgar images of your body or physical prowess, not going to cause my tongue to roll out of mouth like a sizzling strip of back bacon.
This girl respects Sirs and Miss' that have more respect for themselves than having to send slaves revealing images of themselves. Girl finds such images vulgar and repulsive outside the bedroom and/ or dungeon. |
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when you are laying in pain. like you feel as though between your hips a football is pushing against your pelvis, rectum twat. Can't move, it hurts and the pain is not the same as having someone give girl the switch. It's coming from inside. This girl has been stuffed like a taxidermist's animal. Each time girl moves a little, it feels like every inch of my twat is being pierced at the same time.
It will be nice to be a real woman again after this is done.
Nurse here commented that she likes how girl bares pain, girl sounds like an angel whimpering. |
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this slave hates the fact that she appears more masculine than feminine but slave is very sure that Grace Jones had the same problem in her life given her chiseled facial features and lack of a sizable cup. slave sits on the toilet just like every other female and it does say on both my birth certificate and canadian passport that slave is female. This slave is not going to spread her legs for those with perverted curiousity. This slave spreads her legs for her owner and not for those that log in here to get their rocks off or jollies at other's expense just to feel better about themselves.
Eighteen years of hard word gave slave this body, aplogies if my appearance will not be found in next month's issue of Glamour or Allure.
And yes, this slave has a backbone. Only slave's owner has the right to judge me and since slave is yet to be in the presence of her owner. This slave would be selfless for her owner, even put self in harm's way for an owner, this slave has done it once in her life and it cost the slave her uterus and disfigured me which my last Miss was kind enough to pay for on this slave's behalf after years of devoted and loyal service.
Assume what you wish concerning my appearance, but remember this, be prepared to be judged for judging other's falsely. You are not my owner have no right to judge this slave. |
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this slave over the years has become sturdy, rugged and enduring, if anything, shaped to be versatile and withstand adversity. where other's might be delicate, she will persevere until exhaustion overtakes her and she has little choice but to relent, bowing low to exhaustion. slave has the body that is used to working, getting cut and bleeding but continues until the task set for her is completed, this slave is not weak and is very capable of carrying her beloved Miss or Sir out of burning building if need be, will even put her self in harms way to keep her Miss or Sir from being harmed, perhaps a little martyr exists within her heart but that is a good thing, there is also a bit of the fanatic that fuels her dedication and devotion. but that is what this slave believes, plus it doesn't hurt so much to be passionate about her beliefs, be it in the bedroom, keeping the house maintained beyond simple chores or on the arm of her Sir or with her Miss during outsside activities. |
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there exists a form of dignity that exists with being a slave on only a rare few understand that. are they not aware that if the slave glows with the brilliance of the bridled flame that it causes all that see the slave, then look towards the one that created it. Yet there exists a large majority that wish not to creat such a creature but to extinguish it like it's a malignancy to be slowly and unequivocally ripped asunder, spent and discarded after they have sapped its life and all that remains is ashes. this slave prays that there are those with slaves or want slaves to be able to spread their wings, to become something splendid for their owner to be regarded with envy for owning such a creature. |
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Apologies to everyone for a slaves inability to make rational choices. Never had the right to do so and been told that errors happen. Errors happen because a slave is not ther to reason but to just do as she is directed. If there is confusion, guidance is given. Really do apologize to everyone involved. |
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too many choices, no one to give me direction or guidance as to the correct choice....overwhelmed.....just want to stick my head out a window and await the leash I find my self wanting.....don't know what to do.....someone help me choose....I just don't know |
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I really think people need to re-evaluate the choices others make when they choose to live the lifestyle.
A slave does not have a lot of personal luxury items. What is given to them, is a gratuity, a gift or reward. Such items make being in service more pleasant. Some gifts are permanently given but others are taken away. They are taken away because of punishment or they are taken away because where the slave goes next, they have little need of such. It is for their next Miss and Sir to provide. I do have personal items that were given to me and had my next Miss actually greeted me, she would have had the option to retrieve my personals from storage. All things dear are of sentimental value. Memories are attached to such items. That is what a slave values the most, the memories and experiences. The moments kneeling at Miss' feet and allowed to set head upon her lap as she pets your hair. The smile given that confirms the slave has done well. There are the lessons learned to avoid punishment should such tasks require completion as directed.
I am lucky to have this phone. Apologies for not being a wealthy slave with luxuries like the normal folk. I'm a pet, submissive and slave. My only want in life is to be bound to the one I serve until the day I die. |
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A very interesting fact came to my attention and it is probably a good excuse as any not to have a pic for public scrutiny. If you are like me and have served a Miss, Sir or couple that is publicly known, maybe not where you are currently residing our serving. Even to whom you serve, it is very important reason not to have a public photo. You can still affect the lives of those you are connected to in your past. I have had two Miss' in my past, the first I met in church and the second, although her husband is semi-reitred now, my appearance can still affect them publicly. If you pass me by because I do not have a photo. I do not have one because I can still affect those I served and still respect to this day. I must remain discreet and keep my tongue. Things learned and experiences are part of me always, that is what I have to offer. Can always ask for a photo and someone I met offered to give me copies. If you are in my area I would much rather meet my next owner in person. Now how do you encrypt digital pics so they can never be digitally copied or posted? |
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Don't you just hate it when your buttocks itches it to be spanked or your calves and thighs burn to be soothed by the stroke of a well placed lashed. Even my back itches to be flogged. I think about such things and the result is me going to sleep frustrated. All I can do is scratch at the itch until my skin burns from all my efforts. Each night its the same torment. Scratch my self raw so that I may sleep. |
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Probably not my place to say but a journal is a great place to express one's thoughts.
This is the 21st century, have we not stepped away yet from the prejudices and phobias of a patriarchal regime. My thoughts of course of gender equality, although I would change such to inequality. The basis of my opinion is the shout text I so often see concerning the genetics of the individual. You have individuals that are submissive in mind or want to be a slave to a Miss, a Sir or both. They do not belong anywhere except with you, yet I hear shouts of genetic purity. Really now. Thought we did away with fascism in world war II.
Maybe the genetic purists should have their halos tightened and wings adjusted.
I could not or would not belong to anyone that is so shallow that they still adhere to such purist nonsense. This is not St.Michael's Cathedral, it's CM. Should not matter the genetic code so long as the dom/me is obeyed by their subor slave. |
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Happy New Year CM and everyone here |
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Seriously and I believe it important to note here in my journal for others to read.
My last Miss was not into show and tell. Any pics she took of me, she has either kept or shredded them. Those that have taken a picture of me, do so because they want to remember who I am. It is not my place to ask for a copy but wait until it is offered. I learned long ago that if I receive anything it is a reward or has to be earned.
With that said, I do wish that you all understand. I am lucky to even have this smart phone, it was a gift. I am still trying to figure out how to use it and it is my only access here. I am, always have been and always will be subservient to the will of others.
It is my life and I will die as I was born to be.
When has a slave ever had anything that was not a reward, gift or earned?
Something for others to think about. |
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I been thinking as guys keeping checking me out and couples too. I should point out that having been a domestic to a couple, at no time did / spend any time with the husband of Miss. When I was sent out with him, it was to labor for him. I belonged to Miss and not him and did as she directed me. Given my violent past with men, Miss understood.
An animal can be mistreated by someone and react with cowardice until backed in the corner will bite or will whimper. I whimper and try to get away.
Miss helped me to heal as best she could. Chores were a distraction and valued her affections, but was never sexual.
But now I crave something more, something lasting for the remainder of my years.
Is it even possible to find a Miss that does not abuse their pet? A Miss that has nothing to prove that she is equal to any Sir. Is it even possible to share the journey, expand boundaries with a Miss?
I believe so. |
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Share my thoughts, share my emotions and someone brings up the notion of playing games. Interesting. Those that accuse others of playing games. usually are the ones that play games themselves.
You don't need me to point out what you already know. As a pagan, I try to live through the Goddess and pointing out other people's faults is not living through the Goddess. Speaking ill of others is speaking ill of your self.
Dismiss me if you want to. This medium and posting in the journal gives you insight into my thoughts and how I feel. You choose to read it. Not my place to force you to do anything against your will. That is for a Miss and/ or Sir to do. |
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I often think back to the couple I served for all those years then my release from my service five years before Miss' retirement. It really does leave a hole in you. So how long must I endure the empty feeling? What do I fill it with?
So much I learned also but it means little without another to serve. I miss tthe direction, the guidance of a firm hand, Miss voice most of all.
I could lose my self in memories but then I awaken in the morning and the empty feeling returns.
One step at a time. Each day is another day I must endure without another Miss to serve. |
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It's really interesting to me that while I was in BC, no compatible Miss could be found. Now I am in Montreal, all compatible Miss' are in BC :( or Ontario. The last couple I served retired to Ontario and my family is there as well. No intention of returning there , unless to visit. New town, new beginnings. I know what I like and they come from experience. So why am I having difficulty? |
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It is not enough to serve and honor the Goddess by some, that they would think they could replace the Goddess with themselves. I would point out that those that wish to be worshipped as a Goddess need to be as old as the heavens, the planets, the stars and the area in between known as space. I am her daughter as we all are, sisters to each other. Our mother can never be replaced. Just my beliefs. |
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sorry, no pic. I have found over the years that too much emphasis is placed on appearance. Now that I have your attention. Would like to point out that I believe in the Goddess, serving a miss honors her. I seek a sister in my next miss. A miss that understands and a accepts a girl that lives to serve. A girl that perceives certain discipline as punishment and other discipline being sensual. I know my place and there is no single mindset but that is in constant change. |
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Going to Cabaret Cleo's for NYE. If nothing happens for me, Passport then as they are relatively close to each other. Anyone else going? |
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I really have to wonder if regression is a side-effect of not having to serve. Only wish my last miss would have given me more skills to live independantly and not miss the discipline so much after two months. First christmas without chores, no dinner to prepare or to serve, no kneeling and awaiting summons. Independance sucks sometimes. It is a slow process to becoming vanilla once more when your mind is filled with memories of service. I think I did it on purpose to screw up a new friend's hair. I was upset but I think I wanted her to be cross with me and slap me, do something. She did nothing but tell me it was okay. Even met a couple into pierce-play but they did not offer to do so with me. It would have been nice to have been their piercing doll for an evening. Even met someone into sindoku. I would have been in heaven to be hoisted and suspended above the floor and prodded like a pinnata. Oh well. New Year's is coming. |
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