It's that time of year again....time to make those new year resolutions.  A new year full of hope and promise.  A new year to fail at personal goals.  i have been in a mood all day today.  Well it actually started the other day and d*mn if it isn't pissing me off to be so bitchy.  i am not normally so down on myself or so pesimistic. 
i have not been journally lately.  i feel like a flag snapping in the breeze.  Many have told me the benefits they have received through keeping a journal and i am determined not to give up on myself.

Good grief i have so many thoughts floating through my head tonight.  Well no actually i believe it is just the thought of Power, but i keep erasing how i want to express my ideas.
i miss that sense of inner peace and belong, that high i would get when i was submitting to Another.  To a degree i can still do the same things.  i can not wear panties, spank my ass until its bright red and on fire, make myself stand in the corner or for that matter any number of things mundane or sexual. But it is not the same as when some One commands it from me. 
At times its so hard.