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esj0022

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My biggest kink and turn on is HONESTY. If that statement stumps you then please do not read any further. I'm a single mother of two children. I love my kids and every aspect of being a mom. If you do not like children please do not bother contacting me. If you chose not to have kids or feel you can 'deal' with them please do a lot of soul searching first. My kids are my world but I am not an obsessive type of mother that needs to be with them 24/7. I have kids because I love them and have always wanted them. I don't feel they are mine until they are 18 yrs...they are my kids for life. Kids are messy, noisy, cost a lot of money and have an uncanny ability to need you at all the wrong moments. This is not a complaint. This is how kids are and I enjoy it even when they are driving me crazy. I do not want my girls to be taught the lifestyle but my nature is submissive so they are obviously exposed to that aspect. I am very much real to the lifestyle and what I say I am. I live in the real world - that means living and functioning in the vanilla world. Being a realist is dressing appropriately for the occasion and functioning in whatever atmosphere I am in. I can and do function very well as a woman on my own. I don't have limits, I have morals.

I am not and never will be "just" to any one. I have emotions, wants and needs. I want to love and be loved. I want to touch and be touched. I want to need and be needed. If you want a sub for "just" a piece of meat, a toy, servant, or which ever term you wish to give it then I will not be suitable for you. If you are not strong enough to need and love then I wish you the best in your search. Strength in a Master is not giving orders. Strength, to me, is to be able to look at the woman in front of you and ache to share all your dreams and goals with her. To be able to punish her when she has done wrong then be able to forgive her after. To love and cherish her knowing that she will do anything for you because she loves and cherishes you. To respect her strength and earn her respect as her Master. So many say that they want to own their sub/slave completely - heart, mind, body and soul. With that comes an emotional attachment from both parties. I seek a strong man emotionally, mentally, and of course physically.

The big question is whether I consider myself a sub or a slave...don't know...I am "ME".
I have kids, pets, and a close family - and not willing to give any of them up. I live a very simple life - I don't need to be entertained, on the phone or texting. I don't pass my kids off to someone else every chance I get. I am not a drinker (other than an occasional mixed drink) - I don't want it in or around my world. I don't have money - I don't need or want yours. I don't do drugs - don't even want to go there.



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1/29/2014 8:50:57 AM

I enjoy fresh air and cool nights so I can cuddle or wrap myself in my blankets; but a few nights ago I think this winter was just showing off.  I had my bedroom window open and was nice and snuggled up.  The wind started to get really strong.  I thought I was losing my mind because I kept feeling something on my face.  I turn on my light and the wind was blowing the snow off the neighbors roof and into my room.  I just laughed at the site of it "snowing" inside my bedroom! 


11/17/2012 10:54:43 AM

He: "On a hot summer night, would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses?"
She: "Will he offer me his mouth?"
He: "Yes."
She: "Will he offer me his teeth?"
He: "Yes."
She: "Will he offer me his jaws?"
He: "Yes."
She: "Will he offer me his hunger?"
He: "Yes."
She: "Again, will he offer me his hunger?
He: "YES!"
She: "And will he starve without me?"
He: "YES!"
She: "And does he love me?"
He: "Yes."
She: "Yes..."
He: "On a hot summer night, would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses?"
She: "Yes."
He: "I bet you say that to all the boys!"

While on the surface, these words are no more than lyrics to music immortalized for those who grew up in the seventies; when we look closer, we see the inherent wisdom there for the taking. The wolf with the red roses. The woman in the tale is willing to give her very self to the wolf with the red roses, only to discover that once done, he won't think much of her and never did - he just wanted what she had to offer

 

I like this analysis and I think it is very applicable to dating and very true to this lifestyle.  I am the woman that is described; but I do not want to meet the wolf again.  Please do not contact me if you are the wolf described above.  I would much rather have thorns than a rose from one who will offer what he expects in return. 


6/18/2011 7:40:10 AM

Lies...they are the worst.  Is a relationship that was started with lies a lie?  A friend was telling me about what she thought was going to be a new start.  She met a Dom and it seemed like things were just working out so well.  Later into the relationship, she began to discover one lie after the next.  Some of them "little white" lies and some seemed to be for no other reason other than he is just playing games.  Oh he claims he loves her but his actions prove otherwise.  I hate liars.  My heart goes out to her.  She struggles every moment of every day wanting to be his, wanting to love and serve him but he doesn't realize that his lies prevent that from happening.


8/28/2010 8:39:58 AM

How Far?

 

During the initial getting to know each other stage, the infamous question always comes up.  It has been asked many different ways but the gist is still the same.  "How far will you go, what will you do to prove your loyalty, what are your limits?"  These are valid questions since we are all searching for our ultimate mate.  As valid as the question is, my answer may be misleading; so, let me try to explain.  I do not want limits to what we can do together.  I want to continually grow with each other.  I want our relationship to be never ending, pure, and raw.  In order to get that answer it is not just up to me.  If you see me holding my breath and struggling to keep my legs from buckling as you whip me, will you press your body against mine so that I can feel your support as you whisper in my ear to breathe?  If you see my knuckles turning white from clenching the sheets as you cane my bottom, will you gently rub my welts so that my focus quickly changes from feeling pain to OMG I love the feel of your hands?  When I am crying so hard I can barely see because I have disappointed you, will you wrap me in your arms and tell me I am forgiven after you have punished me?  Will you have the strength to let me know that you love me,  to guide me, respect me, treat me as a lady, laugh with me, share yourself with me yet ALWAYS keep me as your slave?  If you have me blindfolded preparing to use me and notice that I am nervous, will you lay your hand on my chest to slow my racing heart?  If I have a bad day and I am moody, will you pinch my nipples to remind me of my place and bring me back to you?  These are just examples of what I mean that it is up to YOU on how far I will go.  In a TPE I will feed off of your strength.  I will look to you for guidance.  I will want to learn from you.  I will need your emotions.  If you are strong enough to share with me all that you have then YOU are strong enough to take us to places that have no end.  That is what I am searching for.  Some correlate a great relationship to a circle as having no beginning and no ending.  That is true; but I want more than that as a circle does have boundaries.  I am a very strong willed woman on my own; but there is no way possible that I can explore D's on my own.  So again, I cannot say how far "I" will go.  I find the answer best said…it depends on how far YOU will take US.

 

Now on the flip side - If you are the type that will just be the hand that holds the whip so that you can inflict pain.  If you get off simply at my struggling to take another cane stripe.  If you laugh at my nervousness as I am blindfolded.   I can answer that one easily - not far…not far at all.          


8/5/2010 8:58:52 PM

"Under consideration", "contracts" and "applications" - to me they seem juvenile.  They are words on a piece of paper.  Actions speak so much louder than words.  I just picture in my mind a Dom standing in front of a judge pleading his case "Your honor, I had her under consideration; but she lied on her application so that should void the contract.  I no longer want her as my slave.  Please make her go away." 


7/7/2010 9:44:49 PM
I have learned a lot during my discovery of who I have always dreamed to be just never knew how to identify it.  I have had a few serious D's relationships.  I have had experiences with those that I would like to consider friends.  I've also had some bad experiences.  I am thankful for each and every one.  I try to learn from all that I do.  I will never claim to be perfect.  I do try to give every endeavor my heart and soul. 

6/3/2008 8:02:34 PM
I hurried into the room, stripped out of my clothes, ran to the bathroom, quickly hooked the red collar and leash with my hands shaking, then assumed the position.  With a deep sigh of relief, I was there before the door opened.  I can always hear him walking down the cooridoor.  My palms sweating as I hear him come in.  He always opens the door as wide as possible.  He knows it makes me blush.  Now I think to myself, sit...wait...don't move...good girl...stay.  But this time I can't.  I crawl as fast as I can to his feet and burry my head in his crouch.  I love the feel of his hard cock against my cheek.  My hands reach up and begin to molest him threw his pants.  I start to fumble with the belt and he pulls away.  My head drops but he doesn't spank me.  I try one more time as he strokes my hair.  OUCH, this time he has a nipple in his fingers.  That stops me in my track instantly.  This isn't a cutsie little pinch.  Sir, does not play that way.  This is when his finger tips turn white from the pressure and my nipple stays in the exact position for a bit after he releases.

(being summoned from the computer more later)

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anonplaything
 
 Age: 31
 Lincoln, Rhode Island