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I used to have a lot of fetishes. Now I'm a little more experienced and I've found something interesting about myself.
I'm not a slave. I'm not kinky. I'm a submissive. Here's what that means to me: It means when I fall in love, I want to put the needs of my better half ahead of my own. It means I try to anticipate their needs and fulfill them. It's not sexual. In fact, it's far from sexual. I'm currently in a relationship and have been placed in a chastity device. Sure, I could escape it, but that's not the point. My keyholder would know I'd been able to pull out of it (I can't imagine how I'd be able to put it back on, it's too tight of a fit to do with the lock still holding things together). The point isn't to "get away with something" the point is to have a constant reminder to put the needs of my keyholder ahead of mine. The constant arousal I feel from being allowed to orgasm on a weekly basis (at best) is a spectacular reminder to put the needs of my keyholder first. Sure, I'd love to be forced to wear women's underwear, sure I'd love to have my prostate milked or be nailed with a strap-on. Sure, I wouldn't mind laying across her knees and getting a thrashing from the back of her hairbrush. But, if those aren't the needs of my keyholder, they don't give me pleasure.
What gives me pleasure is fulfilling the needs of my keyholder. If my keyholder gets pleasure from those things, then that's what I get my pleasure from. If my keyholder wants to lay in bed naked and get a massage from her naked chastity-caged submissive followed by a mug of tea while watching tv, then that's what give me pleasure.
I used to want all those other things. I had some of them. It was only when I was released from chastity that I realized the longing that I had to be a submissive, not a slave or a whipping boy or a french maid, but to find fulfillment and pleasure in fulfilling the needs of my keyholder.
That's what it means to me to be submissive.
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I've been chatting with a few of you out there. I've been relieved of my chastity. We had some differences in our growth in our relationship. She wanted a slave. She wanted someone that would never question her, never have an opinion, never disagree with her for any reason ever. That's not me. I am a submissive. I love being locked in chastity. I love being denied orgasms, I love tease and denial, I'd love to try some other things, but I can't be a slave. I especially can't keep my opinions to myself when I see someone I love ruining their life. I can't keep quiet then, I'm going to say something and express my feelings. I understand she didn't like it. I understand that we started off vanilla, and I asked her to be the lead in our relationship (FLR - Female Led Relationship.) I understand that chastity was my idea. I understand that the more she realized the type of power and control that she had wearing that key on the necklace around her neck made her lust for more control than I could give up. My job was to set the household budget. I can't keep my mouth shut when someone starts pissing $20k/month down the drain and self-destructs. Why? Because that's exactly what I did years ago, and I know the end result. I wish someone had spoken up and stopped me then. I was only doing what I wished someone had done for me back in the day.
So, she wants a slave that won't question her spending or her lifestyle habits, she wants someone that won't speak unless spoken to. She wants someone that has no opinions whatsoever. That's not me. So, I have the keys, I'm no longer in chastity, and I'm hoping that I can meet people that want to delve into the submissive fantasies I had while I was locked up that she didn't want to do. Probably going to need some time to heal before I get into something with someone again, but I can't imagine ever being in a relationship again where the other person doesn't hold the key to my chastity cage. Those vanilla days are completely gone. I was never happier than when I was locked up. |
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I can't think of a lot of things that really drive home the feeling of being "owned" like going to work in a chastity cage, Goddess is at home with the key on her necklace, and she made me wear panties that match what she's wearing today.
And, the strapon is arriving in the mail Saturday, not for pegging, but because that's what i get to wear to have sex with her from now on since my cage won't be coming off anytime soon. She laughed and told me I'd better get used to it, and we're not doing anything sexual until the strapon arrives.
Yup, I'm owned. No doubt about it. |
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My keyholder and I were talking the other night about how she doesn't want to deny me orgasms for long periods of time. She thinks 2 weeks is ok, longer and she feels mean. So we devised a chastity game where chance decides and not her, so she wouldn't feel so mean making me wait. She rolled a dice and whatever number came up is how many orgasms she gets to have before I get an opportunity to have one. She rolled and wouldn't tell me what she rolled. I said "couldn't be worse than 6". She said "I might double it, or even multiply it by itself (so if she rolled a 6, them 36 orgasms before I get an opportunity.) Then when my big day comes, she decides how good I've been on a scale of 1-6. Whatever she decides, that's how many numbers I get to choose on the dice. So if she decides I've been good and get to choose 5 numbers, I could choose them all except for one (let's say the number 2 for example). Then she rolls, and if it's anything other than 2, I get to have an orgasm. If it's a 2, I don't, and she rolls to see how many orgasms she gets before my next opportunity. For everything, I never get to see the results of her rolls, so she could lie about what she rolled and I'd never know.
She rolled for the first round and laughed and said I'm probably not going to like it. She told me in needed to buy a strapon because she didn't want to go without penetrative sex for that long and that I wasn't coming out of the cage until she'd gotten the number of orgasms she rolled.
Gulp.... |
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So I've always enjoyed pegging and other anal play, but I'd never been in enforced chastity until a few month ago. I've noticed that it is unbelievable how much I CRAVE getting pegged during my chastity. Since my body is still adapting to not having regular orgasms and we're still trying to dial in sizing, there's some significant discomfort that goes along with being denied an orgasm for 7-10 days. That's any kind of orgasm. No prostate milking, no ruined orgasms, no nothing. Not taking the cage off for anything other than a 7 minute shower 3 days a week. We've tried doing some ruined orgasms, but I'll admit, I enjoy them a lot, they were too much of a relief. Maybe if that's all I got for months at a time I might hate them, but as of right now, they're too enjoyable. But, a good pegging can almost make me ejaculate. I get pre-cum, but last week, I took a pegging like I've never taken in my life. The rapid pounding had my head spinning! I was having all kinds of contractions in my core, genitals, and butt, and I thought sure I was going to start cumming hard. But I never did. It was a tortuous tease. I had only been locked for about 3 days, so it wasn't that long. Right now I've been locked for 6 days, and I can feel my hole start throbbing just thinking about getting pegged. Last night, she took off my cage and stroked me until I was just about to start cumming, then she stopped and said it was time to calm down, put the cage back on, and go to bed. She lubed up the cage a little and rammed the thing on while I was still mostly hard. It was a little painful, but she was tired, so I don't blame her. I survived, no damage, just very uncomfortable on my balls as she cranked the ring toward the cage to get the pieces together to lock it in place. I'm so horny for her today, I want an orgasm so bad, but I know it's probably not in my future for the next 2 days, maybe 3 or 4, we'll see how this new (slightly larger) base ring goes as far as not causing so much pain after a week. It's humiliating knowing she doesn't care to have my cock in her vagina. I did mention I'd be willing to use a strap on to pleasure her. She's considering the offer. Maybe that wasn't such a good idea to offer it. If she goes for it and likes it, I may wind up having sex on an extremely rare basis. |
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I'm a lucky submissive. My keyholder has had me locked up in my chastity device for over a week now, it's the longest she's had me locked up since we started enforced chastity. She told me it's probably going to be after Thanksgiving sometime, maybe into December before I get unlocked.
So why am I lucky? She surprised me the other day. She had been out shopping at Kohls and bought herself some new pajamas. That evening, she put them on, put her robe on and came and sat down next to me on the couch and let her robe fall open a little bit. Then she asked "do you like my new pajamas?" I looked over at them. They were pinkish/redish and had pictures of antique keys all over them. She grinned, obviously very pleased at herself. She grabbed my chastity cage and said "I figured you'd like them since I have the ACTUAL key to your chastity device." When we headed to the kitchen for drinks, she rubbed her backside against my cage and asked devilishly "do you like how my new pajamas feel?"
I'll admit, her new pajamas are awesome. She looks incredibly hot in them and a stark reminder to both of us who is the Dominant partner in our relationship. |
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I've been off the site for awhile. I've met someone (not on this site.) We've have mostly a vanilla relationship, the play is a little bit rough but nothing that would be considered outside of "vanilla." But I recently brought up the idea of serving her through chastity. She thought about it for awhile and recently agreed it would be fun to try. So we ordered a CB3000. I don't know when it's going to arrive, but I can't stop thinking about it. I've never been in chastity before. I've started to "study up" by reading some blogs, and there seems to be a wide range of experiences. What kills me is not knowing when it's going to arrive, and when I'm going to be put on lockdown. We haven't talked yet about how long it will last. Even though I'm pretty excited for it, I'm also nervous and a little scared. I've never had an erection inhibited in any way. If I wanted to have an orgasm, I could always find a way to sneak away and jerk off. Sooner (not later!) this is all going to change for me. She may lock me in chastity for a few hours to see how I do and then leave me out for a week. She may lock me in and leave me in for a month! I have no idea. I do know the idea of having her be my keyholder is giving me a huge rush of mixed emotions. I'm scared, nervous, excited, eager, fearful, scared, etc. (did I mention scared?) I probably won't be able to have her put it on me for the first time, that would probably make me uncontrollably hard. I'll probably have to lie down in a quiet room and put on everything except for snapping the lock shut. That I'll leave to her. We could agree on a set timeframe for the first time (through the end of the day or week?) We may agree on the timeframe, but if she's going to be my keyholder, I need to accept if she changes her mind during that initial lockup. I know I need to give her feedback about how I'm handling it emotionally and physically and let her make the decisions she feels best for us. I have to abide by it. Abiding by any female's decisions is something I know I've struggled with. Now I won't have a choice. I think that's what makes me feel scared is that this seems like a promise/wedding ring on steroids. A constant reminder of being 100% committed to her. I wonder what else this would lead into. Is this a slippery slope that will lead to other things?
I wonder if I'll be a baby and wimp out and beg to be let out. I wonder if I'll stick with it and commit to her the way chastity is supposed to do. I know I brought it up to her, but I still feel like it's a "forced chastity" of sorts because I'm giving her the key and the control to the entire experience. I've known her long enough that I trust her and if something medically necessary came up she has my best interests at heart and will do the right thing.
The anticipation is killing me, and it's been less than 24 hours since we ordered it. We ordered the vaguest shipping possible. Estimated delivery is Sept 3 - Oct 12. I also wonder if she'll keep interested in it or if she'll "click it and forget it..." I'm so nervous and horny I want to masturbate and puke at the same time. |
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| Age: 28 |
| New york,
New York |
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