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Disciplinarian1
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Gor4U2
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arealDom4u
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MilkingMaster4U
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| i am an older ,mature female ,i love to laugh ,enjoy ,many many things.I am totally submissive,seek that one male to call Master ,too teach me ,treasure me ,whom i can give to all i am or ever will be .I am full bodied ,blonde ,with blue green eyes ,strong ,intelligent ,classy lady,also shy ,and sensitive.
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its so humid yet again,just horrible for sleeping,so needless to say i cant sleep.I wonder why i thought talking or typing to random strangers would make me feel better,lord god how wrong i was,actually quite the opposite. |
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Well the weather is overly humid today and has been for the last month at least.I dont enjoy the heat ,prefer fall and spring.Ive been thinking how one thing can change a persons outlook so much.It can take so little too boost one moral ,i love it .Id been feeling a bit down ,with no job,and feeling because of my age and size,i was sorta washed up.well now,ive a new job,and i feel wonderful about my age .If i am washed up its naked staked to the sand waiting for ...HIM |
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well what doesn't change gets stale,i wonder if that applies to people.Perhaps like a pool of non moving water you stagnate,or mold like the forgotten bread in the frig.May be you just tred water ,moving neither back or forward,i know i feel stale ,forgotten that thing left way back on the shelf,maybe this is my calm before the storm and ill explode .Come alive ,shake off the mold become a raging fire ,who knows maybe |
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She walks with head bowed ,shoulders slumped,limping ,eyes empty and lost,,,she is the abused woman She walks with a bounce to her step ,eyes lowered in respect,cheeks are flushed,eyes are bright and filled with joy,,,,,,she is the slave/sub He stomps around ,filled with anger ,hands clenched,face screwed up in anger.His eyes are cold filled with hate ,with violence ,with destruction.....He is the abuser He walks ,shoulders back ,head is high,eyes are sparkling ,intelligent .He commands respect just with a look ,with a tilt to his head and a smile on his lips.His hands are strong ,his mind open and he commands respect.......He is a Master
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well its been a while and still her neck is bare.She is a strange mixture indeed.She is old but young in spirit,she is mature but thinks with an open mind.She is honest,to the detriment ,and harm allmost to her ownself.Perhaps she picks wrong,perhaps she is wrong .who knows ,the fault must remain with her.She also is a mixture of Gor and BDSM,she is finding.of slave and sub,of spirited and calm,of shy and outgoing,in short she simply is. |
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early morning here ,woke with a headache ,that is because tho didnt sleep long slept deeply.strange is easing ,as i sit reading my mail.am strangely content today ,not full off numbness.of desire ,aye and some pain .am i becomeing acustomed to this perhaps ,or perhaps likeing the person am now lol about time.Am for now deideng not too constantly look simply enjoy .anyway question of the day, concerns switcing ,and learning about it |
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well this is my birthday,grins happy birthday to me!I think as a female sub/slave a sweet spanking be nice real time is out so will settle for a cyber one lol.often thought the custom of birthday spankings came from a Dom ,makes sense huh |
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sitting here thinking of some of the quailties.For subs/slaves,is that giving ,senseless need to follow anothers lead.Perhaps at times to the pain of yourself.to obey.Perhaps the Doms is too fix things ,make it better,make her feel good ,yes and for both is sexual.To deny that is silly .Certainly for me at least isnt the prime reason ,but its there ,its so dammed intense ,all of it ,so powerful ,thats the thing shocked me i guess.The intensity of it even online the intensity is amazeing.this again is my own ideas am no oracle ,dont pretend to knwo any answers,just rambling thinking and these are some of my thoughts. |
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smiles the pain is not receding however tis managaeble indeed becomes just another anoyance.This day so far dawns early and tho still not great outside is ok,think eventually will become warmmer. |
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well the day dawned bright am in so much pain tis the damm weather ,but the pain is also emotional,But oh my meet someone he is so intense and this feels so intense ,will be interesting to have it blossom ,grow .lets hope it does |
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well what to do what to do.why is it we fail to like those good for us but crave those that are not?what do you do when your absloutely sure he be a good one ,yet hes busy chaseing someone else.someone that doesnt want him really ,yet he doesnt see it or doesnt want to.Just contuine to feel bad |
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when i started this i foolishly thought was like a shoe you try dont like it go back to the old pair,god how wrong could i have been .ive no way back to my old life now ,for the new defination of me is sub/slave ,period,and to go vanilla ,no isnt even an option now ,i tried that lasted one date ....so better or worse i am sub/slave |
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well looks like i may be on my way at last,i hope by finding a Mentor ,this will be the srep needed to take me exactly were i ened go ,i do know i need this badly ,and will go a long way in cementing those deep rooted feelings i now have |
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well again i have failed ,i thought at last ,i ahd found someoen whom i can be me with ,play with learn from .,We set a date for this sat ,he was angry because i wished the first time to eb at a hotel ,neturl territory ,so he cancelled ,and havnt heard from him scince ,.perhaps iw as unreasonable i didnt think i was .He was one that preached safe sane consentual,and for me i felt safer at a motel ,sighs i am so tired of ,doi g it all wrong i really am |
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gee another day another loss,this time one i thought a friend turned out not to be ,i have to question my judgement of people ,i really think i am easily fooled or seems so ,but life goes ,on i just dont know if i can |
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well ive had a bad weekend ,in my vanilla ,life ,dear lord ,things will settle soon am hoping ,times like this i feel the ened to run ,but will not ,least yet |
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well so far so good ,a rather great day really,having a lot of replys is nice,i need friends ,dont we all.I still belive ,grant you thats becoming bit rusted ,that belief,but still there ,cant dash true hopes |
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jesu another bad day think i will start going to bed on mon and staying there,was made to feel to old ,and lived to far away and had another totally ignore me after 6 months great damm day ,any more and ill just walk in front of a train ,mbut i wont am to damm strong but i think ill start truely shuting down really tired of hurting really tired |
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today i am down and all most ready to give up my search ,perhaps i am not doing somethiogn right ,or maybe i am just not looking in the right way ,i do not know but i feel very low ,and hurt ,am soul sore today
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well now the interest is far beyond what i expected ,and i think , i have found some friends,precious things and who knows one maybe even more then ,too early to tell .I know this tho this week has been the best in a while ,and has gone a long way to heal me ,smiles i am content ,a very good thing to be
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well this is a beginning id say ,will i meet him ,the one ill call Master . can hope ,pray ,smiles this is so hard to crave ,and not truely know exacxtly what .To need teaching ,and loving ,and more that remains nameless.i have met many,and none lite that inner flame ,break those barriers ,and allow this inner slut to flow forth.I could be so sensual ,sexual ,slutty.I need the place or one to allow me to finally relax,and know i can be who and what i really am ,is that even possible ,is there such a one .i can hope as i walk this lonely path ,i can dream as i wander lifes highway damm i hate those type sayings ,looks like am trying to impress ,am not am justtyping exactly what i am thinking
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| Age: 36 |
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New York |
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