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Focusonthepain

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redcollaredbitch
**** UPDATE ****

It's interesting... how when you are working hardest to find something, it has a way of finding you when you least expect it! angel, thankyou for finding Me x

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Hmm... I never know what to say in these things... how does one capture one's essence and spirit in a text box? I think I'll start with some factual stuff. I am a 28 year old Dominant male. I have been involved in the D/s lifestyle officially for around 8 years, but it has been in my life long before I knew what it was called (thankyou internet!) I am a well qualified IT professional with a good job, and I earn enough to live quite comfortably. I have a nice home, a nice car, and I am generally very happy and secure in my life at the moment.As far as pets go, I have none currently... but I do love cats! ------ Moving from matters of the head to matters of the heart... D/s is not something I am "into", nor is it something I do "for fun". I am a Dominant, and a sadist*. It's who I am. It's a fundamental part of what makes me "Me". I am artistic, I am a musician, a lover of literature and art of most forms, and I see beauty in many of the simpler things around us. For the astrologers amongst us, I am Cancer... and a fairly typical one at that. Family and home are very high in my list of priorities, and when I fall in love, I love completely and very deeply. I am no longer searching... My girl has found me whilst I was busy looking everywhere for her! holly, I love every minute I spend with you. I can't wait to see you again! x x
Me duce tutus eris, holly.
Ben * Just to point out and clarify - I am not a sadist in the same sense as the famous Marquis Donatien Alphonse-Fran?s de Sade. His sick pleasures were completely self-gratifying, without any concern for his "victim". Indeed, no consent, informed or otherwise, was sought by Donatien from his victims. I am the complete antithesis of this persona... Although I enjoy inflicting pain on a willing submissive... There's the keyword right there - "willing". I will never force a submissive to endure something beyond her limits. I take the greatest pleasure from guiding a submissive along a journey through her own sensory experiences during play, and my pleasure is inextricably and consequentially linked to hers. **If I may, I'd like to take the opportunity to describe to you the way I feel about my role as a Dominant... because there seems to be so many different ideas as to what a "Dominant" is! I cannot say whether my view is right or wrong globally, just that it is absolutely right for me. My view of my role as a Dominant is very much that of a protector, guide, or carer if you will. In my life in general, I feel most comfortable and happy when I see someone grow beyond their previous limitations, and succeed in reaching their goals with a little bit of my help This isn't because I want them to feel obliged to me for helping them... a simple "thankyou" is enough from them. The reward is the feeling I get when I see the results. As a Dominant, I feel most loved when my submissive comes to me and asks me for my strength, and offers me her entire self... And when I accept, I view it as accepting not only the submissive's gift of herself, but accepting responsibility. Responsibility for her happiness, wellbeing and development - as a person, as a submissive, and in all aspects of life.
Boosh! I've lost over half a stone since November! Result!
So I guess I ought to make a journal entry... Loneliness is an interesting thing. I've recently moved house, 100 miles away from all my friends and family. I'm now living near London. Near a city of 7 million people, and I feel alone in a sea of faces. In a few weeks, when money sorts itself out from my new job and I'm a bit more settled in the area, I'm going to start heading out to meet new people in the area. I'm really looking forward to it. At the moment my evenings are far too quiet! (probably why I'm writing this journal entry...)

I feel strongly that the fairly big life change I've just put myself through (new home, new town 100 miles from the old one, new job, etc) is good for me. I read recently that "you can keep looking back, and the past will keep you there, or you can look forwards to everything to come". That's so true. I feel so much stronger, calmer, more "myself" here in my new space. I've been able to introduce many new good habits into my life, and remove many old bad ones. So much time to myself, to reflect on my thoughts and feelings, has done me the world of good. I feel ready now, to take on the ultimate responsibility again. Ready to find my true life partner, care for her and guide her through our life together. As it says in my profile, "Me Duce Tutus Eris": "Under my leadership, you will be safe." I guess that says it all. I am not a "Harsh Master", nor am I a maleable, soft "would-be Dominant". I am at my happiest when I have someone to protect and guide.