FilthiFox


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	About FilthiFox OWNED Blend the rainbow above me and shoot it through my veins. I'm scared of what the future holds for me Scared that I may be too weak for this world in order to survive it. I want to be free from my worries and my pain I don't want to feel like my heart is breaking anymore And there's no where to run No where that's safe. I think of a lot of things that are not worth thinking about. I try to remain cool and calm but the screaming in my head clouds all judgement. I understand now that happiness is just an illusion But I want to believe that I'm here for a reason I love Psychology and facial expression techniques I love learning what we are all about In and of the mind's of others I'm not a nice person even though I do try sometimes It usually comes back to bite me I'm not asking to be loved or hated... Just let me roam wherever that may be. I adore asphyxiation & Total power exchange. Good conversation with intelligence and a touch of darkness. I'm strange, crazy and naive. I don't expect too much but love when I'm offered. I love to chat with others about anything and everything. Take my heart away to a new place in time.

How do you fix a life that's broken into pieces?

It's coming upto two years now that I've dealt with Anxiety and no matter how I push and shove it just doesn't seem to want to let go.
I was always a worrier so in my heart I think this was doomed to happen sooner or later. It's crazy how thing's work out.
I've noticed a lot of "quirks" about myself or I guess you could call them bad qualities, I'm nasty to people and come across as being hateful to push them away my defence mechanism and even though I know I'm doing it I can't seem to stop it if I have another person hate me then I've proved my point - I'm this evil twisted person that I think I am.
Now that I've gone over things in my mind and back tracked as to why this has come on I was going through a rough time but most of all I found that I hate myself. Looking back to school days I remember not fitting in because I always deemed people as being higher than me I realise now that everything has come down to self confidence!
If your own family can take that confidence away then what are you left with? I'm frightened because I was brought up to believe families should stick together they are your safe haven if anything goes wrong - a home. So if my family doesn't have any belief in me and treated me the way they did then surely they must be right? Since families are meant to be honest with you...
I don't feel like I'm worth anything and I'm not saying it to grab the attention of the pity vote it's the truth and I can't ever remember a time when I did.

How do you fix a broken life? How do you fix a mind that's turned against you?

I just want to believe there's a way out of this.

I don't matter.

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FilthiFox

About FilthiFox