faithNZ

Just a non BDSM related entry.

Seeing as I worked on the weekend, I decided against working today, and now am watching 'When a City Falls'.  For those of you who haven't seen it or heard of it, it's a documentary put together on the earthquakes that hit Canterbury, primarily the September 2010 and February 2011 quakes.  It's not something that you want to watch for laughs although there are a few in it.  It's astounding to see the damage and to know that folks survived the building collapses that occurred.

I was asked if I wanted to go help when both the September and February events occurred, but other folks who were more qualified and/or more eager so I elected to stay in Hawkes Bay and help out as many of my colleagues were down south.  I don't regret this decision, but if another event happened like this - heaven forbid - I would likely choose to go and help; someone else can do what I normally do.

Watching the footage, particularly of the Febrauary quake, you see the amount of folks, ordinary day to day people that pitch in to try to help out wherever they can, it gives me hope for the human race.

Another day been and mostly gone.  Put up a picture which has acted as a icebreaker for a few folks to approach me and it's been a bit strange but not in a bad way.  It's a collar I've had for a few years but (oddly enough) don't wear very much, especially as it's not something that could be mistaken as a choker seeing as it has a ring and can be locked.

I do usually like talking to different folks and hearing the different points of view on what makes a submissive, what is good, what is not.  It's when someone starts insisting that their way is 'the One Twue Way' that I tend to start rolling my eyes.

I've been asked by a couple of different folks who live in my region if I was going to attend munches organised by a group we're all in on another site.  My answer has always been, and probably always will be, no.  I'm not interested in meeting up with others who have similar kinks for a few reasons.  Primarily, I'm paranoid that it will turn out there is someone I already know and I value the privacy I have in here.  Also, I get quite self conscious and would most likely spend the afternoon/evening disguising my face as a beetroot.

It's a little weird sometimes, thinking about what implements I find interesting to think about being hit with.

For instance; electrical cord.  Easily available, easy to use (just watch out for those pesky plugs!), could do a heck of a lot of damage any no one thinks twice about seeing an extension cord around the house.

Another one is a belt.  Has potential to pack a heck of a wallop, different varieties giving different sensations and can be used for much more than just holding ones garments in the correct place.

And the bonus of those 2 is that you don't usually have to search all over the internet for the right one.

And of course, the human male Dominant hand has its uses I've heard.

Can anybody tell me why things have to be rushed into? 

Of late I seem to attract people who pretty much want to meet and then get into having sex virtually straight away.  Now, I know that for some folks that's fairly standard for them,  but what about those of us who don't do that?  Who want to see if they can build a relationship on something other than bumping uglies?  I can understand both points of view on this but that doesn't mean that I intend to meet anyone and wind up having sexy times the same day.  In fact, I'm dead against it.  

I've been pretty messed up about the whole BDSM thing of late, and the above scenario would have to be a mitigating factor in it.

I had what some might call an epiphany, others might call a 'light bulb moment' and others would just say that it's taken long enough for me to figure out. 

I'm scared of intimacy. 

Not just sexual, but day to day, hug-someone-who-needs-it intimacy.  I have no problem with a handshake, but if some stranger or someone who met me 5 seconds ago tries to hug me they'll get rebuffed.  One fellow I used to know often tried to give me a hug just about every time we met and I repeatedly warned him not to - I think it was when he put his hands on my shoulders from behind so I grabbed his little fingers and used those to remove them that he finally took me seriously.  Apparently some of my friends who were there thought I was going to break them, but he'd been asked then warned repeatedly. 

Now, I'm a fan of personal space and I don't see that changing any time soon but it's something that I'm working on.  In my own time - I can't be rushed into things as a few people have found out but it's something I'm at least aware of.

It's a little weird - I've been on this site for nearly 7 years now and I could count on one hand how many people off here I've met in reality. 

I'm still trying to figure stuff out, but there are some things that haven't changed.  I'm not someone who'll meet up with just anyone, playing with some random Dom that I don't have any chemistry with because a) I'm picky and b) I have more self respect than to do that anyway.

What I do want is someone that is first and foremost, someone I like and respect, that has compatible interests with me.  Someone that I can go to a movie with or equally happy to have a play session.  That will push me to be both a good submissive and a good human being.  And to do that, they have to be a decent person and Dom themselves - someone who has respect, compassion and honesty. 

I could say that I like long walks on the beach in the sunshine, but I don't - I'd prefer to be driving through a thunderstorm.  I'm a winter person - I don't like getting hot and sticky unless I choose to do so which is ironic considering where I live.  I'm not into bar hopping or raves and prefer the company of a few friends rather than a large crowd.

But I'm honest about what I do have sorted out, and while some things change, some don't.  So if you read my profile and like what you read, great.  If you don't, build a bridge.  I'm a submissive who has a strong personality (apparently) and I detest random people telling me that my beliefs/principles/values are wrong.  They're mine.

Not sure why I feel the need to put this in but why not?  I've finally registered myself. 751-990-923 is my registration number and I'm actually kind of proud of it, plus I've already memorised it.  As an online friend pointed out, it's shows that I am getting serious about this part of my life.  And it is part of my life - granted, not one that many people that know me r/l know about, but that is part of the fun.  It's weird, having yet another number that I feel obliged to remember but this one is the only one that I thought, hey, maybe I should get it tattooed on me.  Then decided against it.  It's in me now, I don't have to have it etched into my skin when it's already in my brain.

Not sure why I'm journaling, but never mind.  First time for everything I guess.

Seeing as I'm a complete newbie at pretty much anything BDSM related, you'd think that joining a website like this would be a good thing.  Not always.  I have had a few emails from people who obviously haven't read my profile before they emailed me.  But on saying that, there are some (seemingly) lovely people on here and this is the Internet after all - I'd be worried if everyone knew how to read properly!  

I'm a reasonably nice person but I don't take any c&*p from people either.  Been there, done that, but I didn't buy the T-shirt.  You get back what you give out in the first place so if you want to be treated respectfully by someone, then do it to them. 

While I consider myself a cybersub (for want of a better term) I don't feel that I am ready to meet in a real time situation with anyone.  While that might suggest to some people that I am nothing but a net player or wannabe, this is not the case.  It's who I am.  I do things on my own schedule and attempts to push things faster than what I feel comfortable with result in my shutting down faster than a computer with no power. 

That's my 2 cents - for tonight anyway.