Collarspace.com
Vertical Line

explorer2008

explorer2008

explorer2008 - photo 1
explorer2008 - photo 2
explorer2008 - photo 3
explorer2008 - photo 4
explorer2008 - photo 5
explorer2008 - photo 7
explorer2008 - photo 8
explorer2008 - photo 9

Friends:
lostjeepsayxmyxname
Tarnishedknight1
sbunnie
EvilClown
KindaNewToThis
explorertrucker
DoomD
just browsing...

You know i am respectful, gracious and humble.  i have changed so much over the years.  i have more self awareness, more confidence and a better self image.  

 

Why is it so difficult to see the difference in me?

 

Because You can not see what i see through my eyes...

 

Just as i can not see what You see in Your eyes...

 

is it that hard to smile?  Geez, i look at alot of profiles and all the pictures are missing the same element,

 

no smile.

 

Everyone should smile more and maybe there would not be so much hatred in the world...

Please do not send me an email if You can not be polite enough to wait for a response before blocking me! Geez give a girl a chance to respond. Thank You

This is for all of You that seem to misuse the "Block" button.  if i receive a message and do not wish to be contacted by that person i tell them that.  i dont use the block button because i do not want to communicate with them.

 

 i got an email.  and because i used a prewritten statement they blocked me.  Why do You all have to run and hide instead of reading my response?  

 

They have it now that all You have to do is place Your mouse on the entry and it will show what it says.  Then You can delete it unread if You dont want to hear from the person again.  

 

Geez, what is this world coming to?  

is this site "all about sex"  or is it about something else?  OMFG, where has the original aspect of this site have gone?

And no to answer anyones question.  i am not as picky as You would think and i am single.

ok, someone asked me why i am always here.  i wish i could honestly answer that.  i cant.  when i came here, it was for exploration, now it seems i am drawn here, but not knowing why.

Finds what they NEED...  Hmmmmmm just read this on His profile.  How does one find out what they NEED if they can not experience anything? So many people here, some real, most fake.  i ask myself everyday, "what do i need today?".  i need air to breathe, i need water and food to live, i need shelter from the elements, but most of all i NEED "companionship."  That is my answer to that.

 

What is it that You "NEED?"

it makes me laugh when i start talking to a Dominant and i say something that He dont like, he runs and blocks me instead of discussing it further.  Am i not here to learn?

If You can not handle my fire, then PLEASE do not jump in my pan!!!

Again, deleted unread.  hmmmmmmmm WTF.  at least read the friggin email then delete it.  yes yes i know about placing your pointer on the email and it can show You what it says but come on be real.  

i love answering questions and then find that it leaves them speechless...LOL

i am stumped.  i just read about another submissive friend of mine.  That she is engaged to her  Sir.  Well, this leaves me angry, sad and happy for her.  i have been here like forever and can not seem to find my "one".  as she put it.  i feel the spider webs slowly taking over my life.  hahaha i cant seem to even get a good conversation going on.  Hmmmmmm maybe on the wrong site?

I really must share this.  i received this message the other day:

I am a Dom of over 30 years seeking a 2:02:33 PM lifestyle relatiionship. I hope we may talk.

my response was this:

Hmmmm Sir, You have no pics posted.  i do not talk to people with no pics.  Sorry  

He in turn said:

Another çm moron

I replied:

Thank You for that fine message. Have a great day!!!

He replied:

anytime asshole

Am i missing something here?  Or does this speak for His intelligence?  Was i not polite?  Did i revert to calling Him names?  OMG what is this world coming too???

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

i just realized i have been here for over 3 years.  Still in the same place.  OMG whats wrong with this picture???

This is why i hate this place.  when i open up to someone, they never talk to me again.  Look, if You really do not want to know, then dont ask me for the sake of having a conversation.  If You are not ready to find out who i am, then please pass me by...

in the end...

 

W/we only regret the chances W/we did not take...

the relationships W/we were afraid to have...

and the decisions W/we waited too long to make...

Done...

doors open ever so slightly, cant even peek into them, then they slam shut right in Your face.  OMG, i hate doors...

what is actually real here?  living out a fantasy?  i see so many Dominant profiles that ask if there is any real slaves or submissives here.  Hell, i have been here over 2 years and have found only one real here, but that did not work out.  yes, i am well kinda in a mood after being bashed for what i do not know.

They say with every door that closes, there is another that opens.  Well, to me it just finding that open door that is elusive...
This is important enough to post.  i found this on another site.  These words have touched me so deeply i thought i would share them here...Absolute truth is in these words...

TWO FRIENDS WERE WALKING THROUGH THE DESERT.

DURING SOME POINT OF THE JOURNEY, THEY HAD AN
ARGUMENT; AND ONE FRIEND SLAPPED THE OTHER ONE
IN THE FACE

THE ONE WHO GOT SLAPPED WAS HURT, BUT WITHOUT
SAYING ANYTHING, WROTE IN THE SAND

"TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE"

THEY KEPT ON WALKING, UNTIL THEY FOUND AN OASIS,
WHERE THEY DECIDED TO TAKE A BATH

THE ONE WHO HAD BEEN SLAPPED GOT STUCK IN THE
MIRE AND STARTED DROWNING, BUT THE FRIEND SAVED HIM.

AFTER HE RECOVERED FROM THE NEAR DROWNING,
HE WROTE ON A STONE:

"TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SAVED MY LIFE"

THE FRIEND WHO HAD SLAPPED AND SAVED HIS BEST FRIEND
ASKED HIM, 'AFTER I HURT YOU, YOU WROTE IN THE SAND AND NOW,
YOU WRITE ON A STONE, WHY?'

THE FRIEND REPLIED, WHEN SOMEONE HURTS US
WE SHOULD WRITE IT DOWN IN SAND, WHERE WINDS OF
FORGIVENESS CAN ERASE IT AWAY.

BUT, WHEN SOMEONE DOES SOMETHING GOOD FOR US,
WE MUST ENGRAVE IT IN STONE WHERE NO WIND
CAN EVER ERASE IT'

LEARN TO WRITE YOUR HURTS IN
THE SAND AND TO CARVE YOUR BENEFITS IN STONE.

THEY SAY IT TAKES A MINUTE TO FIND A SPECIAL
PERSON, AN HOUR TO APPRECIATE THEM

A DAY TO LOVE THEM, BUT THEN
AN ENTIRE LIFE TO FORGET THEM.
SEND THIS TO THE PEOPLE YOU'LL NEVER FORGET.

I JUST DID.

IF YOU DON'T SEND IT TO ANYONE,
IT MEANS YOU'RE IN A HURRY AND THAT YOU'VE FORGOTTEN YOUR FRIENDS.

TAKE THE TIME TO LIVE!

DO NOT VALUE THE THINGS YOU HAVE IN YOUR LIFE,
BUT VALUE WHO YOU HAVE IN YOUR LIFE!

AND IF I HAPPEN TO GET IT BACK, THEN I KNOW MY PLACE IN YOUR LIFE!!!
When one struggles to "see" what others "see", it becomes quite the task.  To be actually able to "see",  one must first remove, the vision that has been planted by lifes journey. Then and only then, can one actually "see" the beauty within themselves...

A riddle:

i give her eyes and she fills them with mud...
Silence...  
i have nothing anyone hears...

so silence will become for me...

my patience wears thin...

my hope falters yet again...

so i recoil into the darkness...

my voice becomes a whisper riding the winds fury...

the stillness of the night will hear my voice no more...

she already hurts...

the ache is deep...

the wound fresh...

the pain overtakes her when she was not looking

and it continues to fester full...

her strength hides amongst the thorny bush...


she walks alone, always alone...

i shed one single tear for the love that i have let slip through my heart...
Finally, i have the eyes to "see"  what has eluded me all this time...

Thank You Sir for the lesson...

i get it now, very much so...

its never too late to learn life lessons, even the hard way...

striving to move forward...
 
Aching for Him...

The beauty of submission, is within the beholders heart.  Only He will know when she will "become" for Him.  Two becoming one, within the heart.  This life is mine, through Him, i will "be"...

My existence will always be for Him...All my beauty resides within his grasp.  His hands, big and strong to hold such a delicate entity as i am.  the tenderness with His caress, the firmness in His voice, only He will be my everything, my life, my heart, my soul aches for Him...
Life is what it is...

Smiles, sadness, its all relevant in the natural scheme of life...

Who we are is defined by how we react to different things...

if you smile often, its becomes contagious...
Everything is as it should be.  Thoughts often wander to other places.  Safe places.  My focus is clear and my path is not blocked.  I work towards a single goal.  To serve.  New focus, new thoughts, not so new choices.  Having looked here and there, wandering, i have found many things.  Now is the time to of course act upon them.  i move forward slowly and cautiously.  i will do this right.  For me.  I have seeked answers to simple questions only to find that the questions have been more complex than first thought.  Although i still have many unanswered questions, i will let them be for now.  The answers will come...
the light shines...

it is shining brightly but can we ever reach it? feel it, embrace it? yes, within submission, i can feel its warmth, touch its core.  The light shines brightly.  but not blinding, a feeling of release.  being born again.  renewed dreams, truths and fantasies.  peace settles in...
The body is but a vessel for the mind to maneuver along this vast stretch of reality. The mind controls the body.  The mind of another may control the body, but only when the mind gives control to another.  A great feat in itself. This mind is deep in thought today.  Giving control will be a hard thing indeed but not unattainable.  Inner battles rage inside.  The hunger is deep, the hunger yearns, the hunger screams.  Hear me, i am real, i need,want and desire the one who has captured my mind.  The hunger grows... 
Its all a state of mind...Control the mind, train the thought, the body will follow. Both need the other to survive.  Positive thoughts become positive things.  thoughts become things.  Natural law.  A simple law of attraction applies here.  Change the thought process...change your life...As i am doing now.  Changing my life...A difficult task indeed.  it will be done...
Dominance is the ability to create a hunger in someone that's so strong they will do anything, anytime, anywhere just to please You...

This statement is ringing more true to me everytime i  read it.  Hunger-yes, Desire-yes, Need-YES...

my hunger grows...
i wish He had been real.  My focus wanders, lost in the time of reflection.  To find out He does not exist, only in my mind, my heart breaks in little pieces on the floor before the one who is not there.  The dark shadows of my mind come alive with hurt and pain.  But that pain will never be enjoyed by the one who broke my heart for He is not real.  i can almost feel Him within me.  almost but not quite. The loss is great, no more will my heart ache for Him.  The one who captured my heart with just a few words.  My desparation grew to unbelievable heights to just speak with him, only once.  No credit given for creativity. If only the time was given, things would have worked for Him and i. i would have made it work.  Destined to be alone, i crawl forward, ever so gently this time.  Not allowing anyone again close to my heart.  The dream of my inner soul is silenced now.  Darkness falls...
Why, as people, do we sometimes want or deeply desire what we may have overlooked?


Believe in me, for i am a true submissive with so much love to give...
We are human.  Mistakes can be made, to me it is all in the reaction to the mistake.  This will determine my worthiness in my eyes.  If the lesson was learned, the mistake will not be made again.  If it is not, then it will be made over and over again until we learn our lesson. i do strive to correct mistakes, but sometimes, i am blinded to it.  i am human and will make mistakes...
A new year is upon us.  Be aware of Your New Years wish.  It may just come true.  Remember to live each day as if it was Your last day on earth.  Love each moment and experience all this life has to offer You.

i thought i would share this with You.  i sent this as a text message once.  To me its beautiful.


Why can You bring tears to my eyes with a few brief words?

Why can You bring anger to my heart with Your lack of words?

Why "CAN'T" You bring LOVE back into my world with a simple conversation?

There of course was no response to this...

i am currently in eastern Pa for a few weeks.

i have been here some time now.  i have enjoyed most conversation with some, i have let in.  i am looking for the challenge of my mind.  Not someone just looking for quick sex.  i need the mental stimulation to feel and develop my submissiveness.  Someone with the geniune interest in my inner beauty.  i will know Him when He is found.  The challenge of my mind.  The one who can see me for me not if i can suck his cock.  i am very real and expect nothing less from my partner.  i am a student here.  i have some teachers presently but i am still seeking "the one" who deserves my gift.  And it is a gift.  To be given of my own free will.  Not taken...
Never try and own Someone You do not Possess, and Never try Possessing Someone who isn't "Willingly Yours"
well i have finally been on the message boards.  Interesting place.  So people just know how to make someone laugh.  i am still here to learn and explore.  i have come along way since day 1.  i am still chatting with a few that have chosen to stay with me.  but i have also been contacted by the one with whom i blocked.  hmmmm.  technology sucks.  they let him back in to see my profile.  wow i guess you really have to make sure you hit the right button.  i am finally becoming a real lady.  i even have been shooping for some dresses and skirts.  Hmmmm interesting how someone perception can change.  i am perceiving that i must look and act like a lady to get something i want.  is that how it works?  if i had known that i would have done it years ago.  Anyway on with the journey.
Wow, some people are really interesting.  When told to inquire about me through someone else, they run and hide. Hmmmm  how real are they then?  i ask this of myself. like talking outloud to myself.  Is there anyone who is real on this site?  well i know there is some realness here. i have met a few.  and even befriended a sub who is somewhat close to me.  She is awesome to me.  And then theres always me.  i am my best friend and didnt even know it.  Until now.  Hmmm,  i share everything with me.  Interesting way to look at oneself.  as a friend i mean.  i have always lacked in that area, and to my dismay i am clear on why now.  My projection of me.  ok , i will change this.  somehow i wish to expand my world of friends to all who seek me.  no i am not being selfish or self centered but hell i am a dam good woman.  wow where did that come from?  Hmmm  she speaks from within.  the stength of me.  She hides and now i am seeking her to surface.  Alas, i am calling her out to look beyond the wall, to answer my beckoning.  to weed out all that upsets me.  Ok i am on a mission to find the "one"  and i will find him.  only a few months left to do this.  who knows i may have already met Him in some form or have yet to be aware of his presence.  More to come.........
my journey here continues.  i have new experiences.  i have been critisized for my writings.  WELL, this is me and my journey, not Yours.  get over it.  ooooo that was bad.  i am here to aquire knowledge of this lifestyle.  i am here everyday.  seeking, learning and living the way i choose.  right now i choose to learn.  i will converse with all who inquire.  as i said, i have been placed here to learn.  i will learn and i will be.  my mind is not completely made up yet, but i have my influences.  i still like this world.  and it is not as dark as i first assumed.  i wish to walk among you all.  as i am and all that i am.  who am i?  for i ask this often.  soon my answer will be clear to me.  until then i roam this vast land of the unknown.
my adventures have stopped.  Wow,  just one week and nothing.  hmmmmm.  i have had the pleasure of being told i should be a model, actress so to speak.  hmmmm interesting.  For his pleasure only though.  He would return the favor by being my boyfriend.  hmmmm  is that what this place is all about?  i still search for answers.  i have been horified by one website.  The pain seen on their faces.  But then told that part of this lifestyle is probably not for me then.  OK, so now where do i roam?  Hmmmm, been contacted by a few lesbians.  That was intersting.  Have even secretly wanted them but my purpose here is still very fresh in my heart.  So that desire has been pushed to the back burner for now.   my vanilla life is so lonely for friends, i have lost my place.  So i still seek answers here. Is there room for me here?  we shall see.
this place is exciting yet dark.  i have looked deep within my soul and i feel i belong here, but do I?  i need answers, i need companionship.  i need me.
Today.  Well today my emails have risen in numbers.  Could it be that a posted picture of myself has enticed more viewers?  Or could it be that we as people use the easiest sense to aquire that of which we do not own?  i believe the answer lyes within the question.  yes we do use this sense quite frequently, actually in all we do.  But to have this sense removed, hmmm heightens the rest of them which we have been given to live in this world. So today my journey has taken me to my senses.  i have been welcomed into a house to which i was wanting to be part of.  so the sense of belonging has taken over today.  i feel at peace for the first time in a very very long time.  Knowing that my journey continues and will be a very long and hard one, i take today to lavish in my accomplishment.  a Milestone has been overcome.  Yes a pat on the back for me.  my senses are becoming more sharp now as i journey here.  i am more aware and grow more cautious as i would desire my encounters to be fruitful. i will respect all who engage me here and i will also respect myself more now i have been given opportunity to advance here.  So i take my time today to enjoy the beauty for which i have so often taken advantage of.  a beautiful day, bright, sunny and a day to smile.
Yet another day in the life of the explorer.  Hmmm weird day today.  2 very bad interactions.  The first with the Dom from another site.  His words to me were not very nice.  So hence, i have blocked him.  Yet another failed interaction.  Then a couple.  Different there, more or less told me off.  Wow, so much frustration.  Doesnt anyone possess patience anymore?  i ask myself this question quite freqently.  i know i have very little patience but i am learning to have more each day i am here.  i have noticed myself more and more.  Now my question will be if the ones that i want to see this really pays attention to this little detail which is a Milestone for me.  Pat myself on the back for my restraint.  Good girl i say.  now back to some opened doors that these interactions have done.  So many aspects of this lifestyle to explore.  Couples, Switches, and the like.  Hmmm i have stated i have never been with a woman.  Perhaps an oversight on their part or maybe i wasnot loud enough.  Whatever the reason You have it now. 

So please remember this is my interpertation of the events that are occurring to me.  Nothing more than my thoughts out loud.
wow interesting day today.  have encountered yet another Dom from another site.  Very intersting man.  Mean demeanor right off the bat.  Very demanding.  none the less intriquing.  Will continue contact with him via online.  A bit ignorant of him though.  hmmm  very interesting indeed.  But then again my spirit is reserved here for the "one".  Have also been approached by a couple. wow i guess there is alot to this.  i have not had the pleasure of experience with another woman and do look forward to it.  but for now my door remains ajar.  not completely open yet but working on it.  i am quickly reminded of my safety.  oooo  a blast from the past.  the one person i left behind has contacted me.  my heart is screaming at me for doing this.   But the other side(the dorment one) screams louder.  i must listen now.  FOCUS