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endlessdesire

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Friends:
Loki2000MastHerrMozenwratheCP63CuChulainn
HardBondage1967LaurenMusclemastereragonPowerOverU

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A little bit of this, a little bit of that....
Without this, I am not that...
Without that, I am not this... I am a anomaly, unique, spontaneous and unpredictable. A pessimist within an optimist,
Love mixed with Hate,
Confidence and Uncertainty,
Introvert meets Extrovert.
Simple dissolves into complex. For all that I am, I wouldn't change a thing. For all that I wish to become - my desire will be forever endless. I am an anomaly, unique, spontaneous and unpredictable.....



As a Dominant Currently seeking a male or female slave who is interested in learning what the lifestyle has to offer in a supportive yet challenging role. You will be trained in service, protocol and S&M just to name a few. Submissives are welcome to apply; only those serious and committed shall be considered. He/She will be expected to be available/able to attend events and above all Me personally, therefore you must be relatively local to the Toronto area. (I am not interested in long distance, online arrangements) Open mindedness is required; a willingness to learn and exceed your current skill set is a must. I have a great deal of knowledge, pleasure and torment to share for the deserving soul at my feet who truly desires to learn and live the life of a slave. Key Starting Elements I am looking for: • Manners and Maturity
• Self-Health and Maintenance
• Eager willingness to learn and grow
• Confidence
• Availability
• Dedication I am not interested in having my time wasted, so be prepared to send me an email outlining why you believe you would make the ideal candidate. Include what you would like to learn and any personal interests you have outside of those mentioned above. Be creative, open and honest. Think of this as an investment and a commitment – if you are unable to see it that way, then you are not the one I seek.

As a submissive

Submission is a wonderful thing, if it is harnessed by the right individual. Having been within the life for several years now (15 years) I have fine tuned my interests and needs, which made the initial search for the ideal one even that much more difficult. That being said however I am still interested in finding the ideal one who is able to further my skills and bring to my life that double edged excitement and deep value which is deeply rooted inside my very being. I find that the right individual to further my training will have to be someone experienced, well mannered, mature and dedicated. He will have an intermediate to advanced understanding of a variety of lifestyle topics with his own style. Here are a few more important parts of what I seek: Educated with Intelligence - is a great turn on and challenge, this will keep my interest. Serious - is deserving of my undivided attention In Shape and Physically active – will have a direct influence on my current lifestyle change. Couch Dom’s are really unappealing. If you are into fitness as a part of your daily routine you will keep me inspired and motivated as this is an important element within the life that I seek you to control. Meticulous about Personal Appearance – Someone who dresses as a gentleman and isn’t still in the “Jean’s and T-Shirt” phase a huge bonus. Hygiene and all that good stuff says a lot about you. Local – I am not interested in “once a month visits” nor long distance relationships at this time. Publicly Available – You must be able to be out there and not hide in the shadows, what fun will that really be?. Emotionally Intact/Available - Wants more out of a relationship than a machine going through a process. Age 35-45 - Hey I have been around a while, I have my preference. There is always an exception to the rule.

Very common and important things, however you would be surprised with what’s out there these days. I am seeking to further explore and develop my skills in: • Sensuality
• Sexuality
• Spirituality
• Submission By delving further into: • S&M
• Feminization
• Protocol
• Service (Various types)
• Physical and Mental Conditioning
• And More.. Just a few suggestions in what I currently seek as a sub at this time. If you have any further questions, by all means contact me and introduce yourself.

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9/12/2010 8:39:19 PM
I am seeking something that cannot be found here.  I have withdrawn to concentrate on distractions that will allow me to function as best as I can.   Perhaps when I return in the spring..

9/5/2010 8:11:53 PM
I am sorry if you approach me with a generic mass "cut and paste" email you send out to everyone to save you some time, your probably not going to get my attention.

If you send me pictures of your cock, your not impressing anyone - your not getting my attention.

If your damanding in your email, your not getting my attention.

If you tell me little to nothing about yourself, your not getting my attention.

Can it be helped if I have been around a long time and know what I want and need, even in approach?.. yes, that is why I have written this.   If I am to make an effort for you, shouldn't you do the same?.




8/14/2010 7:28:24 PM
Yes, I'll take some of that with a side of intelligence.....some experience and manners please. 


8/9/2010 6:39:26 AM
What is really appealing to me is someone who is educated, well mannered - takes care of themselves physically and therefore is in good health.   The type that isn't interested in one thing about the life, someone well seasoned and knowledgable within it.

I remember why I left here in the first place - it seems to be a huge gathering of people who lack the fundementals in life.  I really wish Those looking for money or those that are just looking for a one night fuck toy would go to the other sites.  It's a shame that this place festers with ill flavor.

8/7/2010 7:31:18 AM
It's been forever since I have been here on CM, my usual haunting grounds have been FL but I thought I would come back here and see what CM can offer in regards to my search.

Looking forward to the hunt :)

1/25/2010 4:59:11 PM
nothing more appealing to me than one that can communicate with manners.  it's a shame that many lack this basic life skill.  

1/24/2010 8:46:34 AM
down 13.4lbs in 3 weeks :)

1/18/2010 8:31:50 PM
her body ached and screamed at her but she would not fight it.  her head was forced down into the pillow - she was unable to see who held her there but she did not care to move to look nor strain to hear Him.

she wept.... hard as she was brutally raped over and over again....  

she wept at the depth of her joy.....

1/17/2010 11:21:42 AM
down 8.3lbs :) in 2 weeks.

1/16/2010 4:51:24 PM
so i have been pussyfooting with my regimen that i plan to activate in full tomorrow.  i have lost weight and have read up on some key fundamentals on fitness, nutrition and strength training.  i believe i can make things happen and obtain my goal with my closely researched and monitored regimen.

i am excited.

1/11/2010 9:27:18 PM
   ever have to hit your tv set to get a better picture?... what you saw was unclear, distorted or just off?.

   something hit me as you did your tv set....  for a moment i see clearly...   if only i can get to the repair shop before it all messes up again...... or was it just the channel i am on?.

1/10/2010 9:54:00 AM
    so i have been working towards new fitness goals and since about january 4th i have come down 5.8lbs just by watching what i eat.  my goal is 55lbs by july 29th, 2010.    what do i really want as a reward and motivator?...hrmm....

     tracking my progress on a public site as well as on a blog and via twitter - have to keep focused :)

1/8/2010 12:32:48 AM
... one must either modify ones dreams or magnify ones skills....

12/22/2009 8:54:33 AM
      so changed my profile again today, just too much nonsense to sort through, just as well though - everything has gotten bland again anyways.

12/17/2009 9:00:56 AM
got laid off from work today :( .... and the other search continues...  

12/12/2009 11:09:54 AM
my mind keeps churning ideas - new ideas, interesting ideas...  i must execute them well.... i must shed the stale skin.... i've sat unmoving again for too long... the boredom must go.....

11/12/2009 12:55:44 AM
can't sleep! - my mind won't let me rest.....:(

11/9/2009 5:41:13 PM
i am going to try going cold turkey tomorrow - take out all sugar in my diet save for a little natural through fruit here and there.....  i have to start somewhere, add 2.5L of plain water to my regimen and we have a starting point......

11/9/2009 7:33:29 AM
    is it rare to assume a submissive may find her strength in a Dominant for other things in life rather than the common?.    i would love nothing more to find a Dominant who is in great physical shape to train me hard core in fitness and health, i have goals i wish to obtain - and desire to be driven by the experienced both in this category as well as within the life.... i so need this... now - please?.

10/24/2009 11:27:14 AM
*contents under pressure* .. back away from the submissive - overhaul in progress.

9/25/2009 10:19:30 PM
it's fall again... time to get back into shape.....   is there such a thing as a fitness Dom?.. someone in rock hard shape who can kick my ass into doing the same?..

.....that would fit my needs to the "t" right now... :)

6/13/2009 11:58:07 AM
TEASE is coming, it'll be here soon, it's coming!!,.... omg i can't wait....

*crazy hysterical laugh*

6/7/2009 6:28:55 AM
sore,
sunburned,
satisfied.....

with the overhaul she did on her friends backyard ...

your such a workhorse endless....

6/3/2009 9:24:37 AM
- so, a photographer bet me yesterday that he could lose more weight than me in 30 days.  do i take the challenge?...(me and my big mouth on wanting to lose 40lbs)

- if i lose i am to offer something as a reward to stroke his ego *as per his words*

- if i win... what do i want?. hmmm...

   do i take the challenge?...  can i resist the challenge?.. lol.. nope.


5/10/2009 6:10:14 PM
endlessdesire was hit by two Mack trucks earlier today, she is expected to recover but wonders why they pack such a punch, and always coming out of California....?

5/9/2009 7:22:23 PM
i am not You
You are not me
i am not her
i am not him
i am not them
i am not that
i am not standard
i am not everyday
i am not traditional
i am not like others

i am endlessdesire

i am not a fuck toy
i am not a domestic
i am not a slut
i am not a subbie
i am not a servant
i am not a set of tits
i am not a nice ass


i am all of them and not a just one

i am experienced
i am particular
i am aware
i am perceptive
i am trainable
i am dedicated
i am loyal
i am my worst punisher
i am of dragon spirit
i am in need of training
i am in need of guidance
i am stubborn
i am difficult
i am love vs. hate
i am one of a kind
i am serious
i am for real
i am uncommon

i am endlessdesire

i have no time for liars
i have no time for fakers
i have no time for games
i have no wants to be kept at home
i have no care for jealousy
i have no need for chemical stimulants
i have no room for short stints
i have no want for ego issues
i have no desire for online

i have time for progress

i want You to love me
i want You to harness me
i want You to encourage growth
i want You to be proud
i want You to need me
i want You to take me wherever, whenever, however
i want You to hurt me
i want You to sooth me
i want You to fuck me
i want You to make love to me
i want You to train me
i want You to collar me
i want You to show me
i want You to be happy with me
i want You to push me
i want You to challenge me
i want You to never hold back
i want You for life.

i am endlessdesire
i am sub desiring slavery
i am a woman seeking to grow the fierceness of the dragon within and explode into the world with the bitchslap of reality to the players out there.
i want to share with the world what a spirit with my caliber can really do for the good of man.


this is me.







5/9/2009 4:01:15 PM
http
:
forward slash
forwardslash
missendlessdesire
dot
blogspot
dot
com

lets starting getting back to this at a regular rate shall we?.. maybe  i can sort myself out lol

5/9/2009 12:23:26 PM
  so i am absolutely relieved to know that my photo shoot for today canceled, i truly believe i would have molested everyone on set!   it's really hard to keep my composure as of late, and hell if i want to really?... lol  letting loose is healthy right?.

  oh the visions dancing in my head...

5/8/2009 1:12:41 PM
weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!  dragon's out of her den...  !!!!

3/21/2009 7:59:19 PM
men of color....  *drool*..... 

2/28/2009 7:39:07 PM
on a mission to clearing out all jeans and t-shirts in my closet - open to suggestions of what to replace them with :)

2/3/2009 7:13:26 PM
looking forward to attending tease

www dot get - teased dot ca

2/3/2009 11:16:24 AM
      everything happens for a reason, even though i may not know what that reason is, i still sense the feel assoiciated with it, and because it offers me the feel of contentment, happieness, comfort, and joy, - then this is why i am still moving towards its direction, away from the here and now.
   i've signed up again with the yearly camping trip, i believe i will have a better time than last year, and look forward to meeting all sorts of new people who i am sure will help fuel my fire.   its a new beginning isn't it?....  i look forward to my journey.

1/25/2009 6:44:33 AM
the best way that i can describe my state at the moment is having just come out of a coma, and not remembering anything but a few bits in flashes of memory. 

1/24/2009 6:43:37 PM
returning to my old stomping grounds, retracing my steps in hopes of finding what i lost.  trying to remember...

1/24/2009 9:15:24 AM
"researching fitness modeling"

9/19/2008 5:58:31 PM
hibernation came early this year... all systems shut down to conserve sanity, emotion, and what little interest i have left...... its a sad thing really.

8/26/2008 10:22:10 AM
i seriously need people to realize that my time is being wasted responding to people who obviously aren't reading my profile, this is getting really annoying.  i have my specifics that i am seeking, i am not interested in having my mind changed, so please don't bother.  yes i am open to friends, but i will choose who they will be, and if Your opening line is of a sexual nature and doesn't capture my mind, Your going to have a hard time telling me Your genuine.  please read my profile, i do not have time to explain myself past the effort i have applied to tell You my specifics.

8/20/2008 9:14:50 AM
oh my, how am i ending up with a 84 hour work week again?.... such a work horse..

8/11/2008 6:42:46 PM
my back is back!...yay

8/6/2008 10:47:49 AM
finally registered my own company and domain name, yay!..progress

8/2/2008 8:12:31 PM

i prefer a man in a suit over a man in jeans, i love dim sum over steak, the color red over blue, i like hibiscus over roses, the hard way over the easy, i enjoy watching baboons over politicians, prefer to ride horses than drive a car, i would rather learn japanese over chinese, i would rather stick myself with 100 needles than not overcome my phobia, i relate to the dragon though i am a horse, i never do what is expected and always expect the unexpected, i prefer lifestyle events and community involvement over household contained lifestyle,i prefer the whip over the cane, the cane over the flogger, i prefer a total night lock down than to curl up with a teddy bear, i enjoy martial arts over shopping, i am learning to use a 6ft bullwhip because i am told i shouldn't be the one to learn it, and because i can, i find my inner calm through one physical spot of weakness,(not telling, You are silly if You think it is common and apparent) i enjoy a book over television, i enjoy a good porn over a book, (what?) i am an agressive career woman and enjoy stepping on toes and making noise, i challenge the impossible, i am more stubborn than a brat with a 2 X 4 nailed to her ass grinning, i am evasive and strategic, i prefer pvc over leather, i enjoy masks over the everyday, i gain strength off of symbolisum and weakness off of silence, i detest school girl outfits, maid uniforms, cute-pies and brats, i crave pain sided by pleasure, blood over welts, fucking against a tree with sharp bark over a bed with rose pedals, i crave love making with tears over love making hollowed out, my boundry is the world and not the bedroom, i tolerate questions when research hasn't been done though i will shut You out if You try to tell me my desires are otherwise, i enjoy fantasy over thriller, comedy over fantasy, i like red wine over white, port over red wine, chicken over beef, i like to celebrate the body by watching it, seducing with it, making it endure, taking it all.

just some of what is me...


8/2/2008 10:17:12 AM
so... because i always work well when a challenging goal has set into play, i am working on my overhaul II.
 
some can remember the first overhaul i had allowed me to lose 55lbs in 3 months.  now in all honesty due to some stressors and a little lack of will, i found myself losing some of what i lost, if that makes sense..

so, i am giving myself to novemeber what exact date is yet to be defined) to do my perm overhaul II, i will be training with my trainer side by side until her bodybuilding competition in november.  yes i am recovering off an injury but that will come to pass, i am already almost 70% better. (anyways)

i will be doing before and after pictures and posting them at i think the halfway point (end of september) this time i am going for the weight loss, muscle definition and tone (feminine not butch) and ofcourse some other odds and sodds. i will keep posting the ramp up in pounds lost as well.. i found just sharing it all out in the open was enough for me to keep up with it, because i do not like to fail... odd?.. well its just me, lets see what we can do this time...  then should i feel the need to be sold off still... at least only that which should jiggle will do so.. lol

8/1/2008 8:40:47 PM
just submitted another exam for my business managment course, i am thrilled with scoring 100% on it :)  i am very close to finishing this course and graduating with honours! *grin*

7/31/2008 11:55:21 AM
since i have two weeks to remind myself not to shift my weight during a dead lift, i have been brainstorming of an overhaul on myself, in mind, body and spirit....   work in progress...  seems like it's never ending but i was a hair away from my physical goals and need to now make up for some lack in motivation on my part. 

it really torments me to have to stay laying down to recoop,...  i better go lay down then... lol

7/28/2008 10:12:07 AM
ugh, what a goof i am, after training with my personal trainer for over 3 months, i end up pulling my back doing deadlifts.....


ugh... *ouch*

7/27/2008 11:25:46 AM
The strength to rise from the pain, to continue at all cost, The strength to prolong all the shame, Knowing that you've lost, The strength to smile, when all you feel is anger, to substitute bad days, for the best ones you can remember, The strength to say 'I'm lost' when your pride has blocked your sight, to say 'please love me', though I've never done it right, The strength to say you love them, knowing there may be no reply, to stay by their sides at times, when all they do is cry, the strength to try again after many times of failing, to finally open up after many years of waiting, The strength to fall in love, though sacrificing your heart, to keep a loved one close while knowing you've grown apart, The strength to say ' I love you' when all else has gone wrong, to keep on waiting for you..... regardless of how long..............and what if?, just what if the strength within You has all been sucked out of You, and You just sit there......and watch as the spider crawls up to You in its web?....
 

7/27/2008 7:58:47 AM
*sigh*

7/8/2008 7:26:44 PM
i can now be found with a profile on ! ....  i got sucked into and alternative facebook... eeek!

7/1/2008 1:40:29 PM
28 days till my birthday!

6/25/2008 7:07:35 PM
whats attractive

well educated gentlemen, suits, muscle, accents, business men, long hair, cologne, oozes strength both mentally and physically....

whats unattractive

wife beater shirts in photo's, smokeing in photo's, cock shots, greasy hair, messy backdrops in photo's, single minded sex toy persistancy, poor hygiene, all the particulars that are asked of me already listed in my profile as of "no interest" to me, assumptions, judgement calls based on my photo's, approaching me with a demeanor as if i was a dime a dozen - welcome mat - wannabe who would offer you compliance - "just cuz". - cookie cutter approaches followed up with mass "Ctrl C & Ctrl V" e-mails.....  

actually, these lists can go on for ever couldn't they?.....



6/25/2008 6:27:18 PM
is it wrong to immediatly want to "tongue bathe" everyone who has above average muscles?......

i'm feeling in a funny mood today....  but the throbbing over rules my senses.....!...   what can i say....  i adore muscles!!!!

6/18/2008 9:17:05 PM
my trainer kicked my ass today......

and i liked it.....

:)

6/17/2008 8:22:19 AM
so, i am down a job, not a big deal right?. i still have the other one, and that allows me fri, sat sun off to perhaps attend more events, go corset shopping and get to the gym more often.  i am very interested in lengerie, heels, pvc, and corset training right now, so i am very open to seeing some of the idea's out there that people may find appealing on large chested women my type.

i am still interested in finding public lock down acessories as well.  chokers, anklets ... mostly chokers, i love wearing things that are tight around my neck all the time.

come to think of it, i should get together a toy stash again..  god have i really been out of it all this long?

6/16/2008 4:30:38 PM
16 days till "tease!"....  i can't wait.

6/8/2008 6:49:34 PM
finally, after what seems like ages, i have decided what to do in regards to my work issue.

i have decided to give my day job 2 weeks notice, i am quitting, the salary just simply does not allow me what is needed to survive on, and i no longer have the strength to wish to subsidize one job with another full time one.

i will fall back on my night job full time, working 4 days the week, at 3 day at 12 hours and one day at 8, allowing me to build my finances towards continueing my schooling in the spring *knock on wood*.  i will pursue my "imba", with my german background and my thirst for the business world, this will be ideal.

should i not get into the "imba" course, i will still remain at my job until i can find a suitable day job within a salary range exceeding the present day job i work now.  at which time when i find it, i will transfer to the day job only, singularly, full time and take my "mba" part time should i not get the support of student loan, which if i do, i will pursue full time.

.....now if only the lifestyle could be sorted out in my head and heart as confidently as above....

6/7/2008 2:59:54 PM
i am sitting here at home, just relaxing, with no plans...just... enjoying the not working part for once....  and thinking.

the ball needs to start rolling again, who cares about work, i have two jobs... i can work both to take care of my needs until i am called in another direction, but it will only be by that "Someone"....

i need to re-write my mantra, i need to set out a game plan.......where do i wish to go, where do i want to be?, not vaguely, or in a universal answer,...  this time defined.... awaken my awareness....  please?.....awaken me...!

i watch as others display there utter excitement to go to this event next month that i have been awaiting for such  a long time...  why?, i can't remember.... 

if i attend, this event, will torment me,... spear me in the heart, soak my nights, and cause tears without identified definition or understanding... just the feeling, the urge, the desire, ....god the desire....  and yet the dark?...

i wish i knew how to open myself more....  i wish people would stop stuffing there idea of what they think they hear down my throat.....i wish people would work with me, not define my thoughts, actions into one universal, store bought idea....  i don't follow the typical book, the answers i seek are practicle, not in theory.

i wish i knew how to open up.....  to let go.... to... drop the endless years of hardened self built protection i have built around myself, ....  what is it like to feel life withing ones heart, to put heart into everything ones does?.....  its been so long..... 

i need a focus, a focus of trust, strength, ....love.  i need the strength to my many weakness's, i need it soon..... without it, i will surely wither into a darkness i boarder on now.....

will You please  come to me now?.....  i do not wish to suffer my own self inflicted life any longer.....

6/2/2008 5:20:24 PM
review done,

only 50% given of what was asked....

time to walk?......

what to do....

5/29/2008 4:55:22 PM
tomorrow should be interesting....   i've forced the hand of the company i work for to do my review and forward me there offer to keep me - deadline tomorrow.  if they do not meet my stated expectations, i will find myself without one of my two jobs (my choice)....   but is that really going to be all that bad?.....(longer bubble baths, better sleep, more time eventing, at the gym ..ooo and some play time?)

if i am expected to do my job to the "t" ontime and to the best of my ability, then isn't the company suppose to line up in compliance with there contractual agreement to have done my review and salary assessment 6 months ago?.

i have no respect for companies that take advantage of there employees - likewise i have no issue with walking out without 2 weeks notice given as a courtesy.

5/23/2008 9:22:16 PM
why is it that the ones that truly catch my eye always have me watch them walk away?....
what did i do wrong now?....

5/20/2008 3:10:31 PM
must stay away from the sugar........stay away, no sugar, ...none, nadda,....  down girl..... no sugar!!!!!  *smack*

lesson one.....   hardest thing to learn, in the first 4 days of getting back on track.....

5/19/2008 7:33:03 AM
45 days to initiate a major overhaul!!

5/18/2008 5:47:07 PM
TEASE is coming!.. i can't wait!!!!!

what an event this will be!!!!!!!!!!!!

5/17/2008 5:26:47 AM
so far, tuesdays and thursdays i work out with my personal trainer, i never thought i would hire someone outright, but i am very lucky to have her, last year she was ranked a champion at the womens bodybuilding championships.  though i dont want to bulk up, i do intend to bounce quarters off of every inch of me... he he.. 
other than tuesdays and thursdays i head into the gym for an intense 1.5 hour cardio routine...  this along with my diet that i managed last year should catch me up and help me exceed my fitness goals this year.  now,... i should tan my lil parts ...that would be lovely

5/16/2008 3:59:34 PM
still haven't slowed down in life....  but my life is about ready to shed some old skin........

5/6/2008 7:30:23 PM
i am thinking of something special for my next b-day....  something to mark the mile stone, something perm. for my 30th.......its right around the corner!!!!
*ponders*

5/4/2008 5:30:52 PM
i have contacted the gym in which i have a membership, to rejoin since i have been gone since january.  i have some ground to make up for since my loss of 55lbs.  i will achieve my final goal of 120lbs, before july's bdsm'er camp.... now this i cannot wait for!

5/4/2008 8:33:47 AM

today seems to be the first day in which i can breath again, the clutter within my head and on my heart has gone for the most part.
    i am not sure yet as to my next step, what i should do, or what i should be doing, but i do know that i have chosen to walk back to that point i left behind me years ago.   i think i would like to start again from the beginning, to be reminded and feel anew the sensations that built me so long ago....  i think i am ready again to explore.... with that open heart and mind that was held captive by my own negative creations.


4/27/2008 4:40:23 PM
what is it that is going on between these ears?...  i always got myself together... i always made it work, i always managed....  

now....  i don't care?


...............is this a nightmare?.

4/20/2008 7:01:00 PM

 with all due respect, i cannot respond to those who ask the questions that are posted within my profile already, this shows me a lack of genuine interest.

are You willing to relocate?
are You currently owned?
would You be interested in serving Me and my girl?.

.......   do not write me with cock shots, stamina quotes or requests for "fun" and "play", You seek the wrong person,  and i have an ill tolerance for people who look for a quick fuck, be gone, submissive yes, but not without capability to repel You for good.

"now is then tis simple truth, a vipers tongue holds sharpest tooth"..... i hold no regret for biting down, when warnings have been already given.


4/4/2008 6:21:46 PM
...stressed to no end, no time for anyone or anything.... its sad and pathetic at the same time.....

such a waste of me.

3/8/2008 6:46:08 PM
i believe it may be best at this point in time to look for a mentor.  to have a book with many chapters of knowledge within it, and many more pages to yet write in, cannot come appart at the seams now, definately not now.

2/22/2008 2:49:24 PM
its been a while since i wrote anything here, and not sure what to write about still.
i have been going over the possibilities of possibly going for my IBBA, and eventually my IMBA... thats a whole lot of work, and a lot of saving to do, but i am convinced i am better off with more knowledge than where i am work wise.  right now, i work 2 jobs (8:30am to 5pm and 7pm to 2am) and take business management inbetween.  i would love rather to have a career path that means something to me, than to work myself into a uneventful stupor.  i have the sense that along with the lifestyle, there is something more out there for me, and i believe that would be along the lines of further schooling (amusing how i seek that out in all areas of my life)
    i just cannot be the one that waits for things to happen by chance, i am the one that takes the chance and makes it happen.

i want this....

2/10/2008 12:18:05 PM
a western style dragon, done lifestyle oriented, for a lady's hip/thigh.....   now where can one consign such a tattoo design for my b-day this year (special landmark b-day..lol)... <-- though i dred it.

2/10/2008 10:19:05 AM
well after a little down time, enjoying my achievement with my weight loss goal, it is time to get back at it.  admittingly i have gained a little back since achieving the goal, but i am willing to get it back and the remainder of my intended 14lbs.   i have now made my mind up that i will achieve 120lbs by end of april. 

i am doing this for me, i do not want no wish lectures on not needing to do it, i have my own reasoning for this, and since it is under guidence of nutritionists and doctor, i am very much aware of what i am doing, it's not a random act, nore is it being overdone.

i am looking forward to topping it off with tone and small muscle definition and some added color of my ivory skin. - this is the final test of my will towards this goal.

2/1/2008 4:25:59 PM
today i feel the need to feel the bite of the whip, to feel blood run, i feel the need of the blade tormenting my skin....  i feel the need to be on my knees, to worship, to attend, to serve, i desire penetration, of the mind, heart and body, i crave reminder, of my station, of whats to come, of NO "out"....  i want the restraints to bite, the comfort gone, the reality white before my eyes.   i desire to lash out at the fake, at the ones seeking a toy. 

.... find me, bind me, force me, take me from here, bring me back to where i was found, and lost in the same day....

     ..breakme down...  You must break me down.... 

1/30/2008 6:33:18 PM
on impulse a need and desire, and i do not know You.   what about You is it?.....
the rest of the world has lost its flavor, so fake...  an ugly reminder.
where to now lil d?.........where to now when reality reminds You, that You are so far away from where You want to be....

lil d what has happened to You?...... 
........... such misery.

1/24/2008 5:20:49 PM
the last 20lbs is going to be hard to achieve...

words couldn't be more true...  i need to pull some more motivation out of my hat, these last two weeks have been far too careless for my liking.... ugh..  :(

1/2/2008 4:27:02 PM
its the new year, time for something of a new approach, or just a new pursuit.

my resolutions are simple, but perhaps difficult still:

i plan on working less, working two jobs and schooling has it's toll on my social life.

i plan on obtaining the rest of my health and fitness goals, i don't plan on documenting my progress until a longer space of time has gone by, to reduce the protests and complaints i have been having via e-mail.  this is my wish, and its not a girl obsession.

i plan on getting active within my community again, attend more events.

those are just some general things, i am sure i will come up with more :)  but baby steps works for me.

i plan on following the lifestyle closely from my vantage point as i can, learn and relearn and condition myself accordingly for the market, it is time.


1/1/2008 8:24:32 AM
it would be grand if people took the time to read my search preferences.  i am not seeking a daddy dom figure, and would be interested in prospects up unto the age of 39, please respect my preference.

12/26/2007 7:02:35 PM
*pondering a new years resolution*


...santa sent me to the hospital this time round for Christmas....   was i really that bad?. :(

xXfood poisoningXx  yick

12/11/2007 7:46:39 PM
deliver me from the place where empty inside is common,

deliver me from uncertainty, doubt and resistance....

deliver me from routine......and self set limitations...my own blindness...

deliver me unto Your hands of wisdom, guidance, acceptance, love and desire....

deliver me into areas unknown, unto challenges and places never seen....

deliver me into warmth never felt, cherished sensations, and cruelty needed...

deliver me unto Your house, Your circle, Your life from one end to the next...

deliver me unto self acceptance, understanding and peace...

deliver me into the life of a lady, Your pet, Your slave...

deliver me into the real.... as only the U/us know it......

deliver me from my pain, sorrow and sense of being lost.....


deliver me into chains.


11/17/2007 4:24:41 PM
.... i made a bold step.  there is a little package that comes to me on the 25th of this month, her name is "Bella"....  she will soften this heart and become my distraction in the evenings...  no longer will i work as a work horse x 2... :)

photo to clear in 48hours.

11/17/2007 4:14:15 PM
successsfully birthed out of the kaos and confusion, emotional trials and test of station...

in the last few weeks, things have become a little more solid underfoot, and i know what i must do, what and who i must be.  i find it difficult sometimes to find my own strength within, when those who were my strength..... faulter....  i am not useto the weight of supporting the supporter....  but therein i must learn to change.  somehow i have managed in memory, and future hope to pull from within the strength i need to go forward in this life... thought its a consistant cycle within my life, it somehow gets easier to bare each time....

    should i start anew, from the start to be minded of my station?...  should i trigger myself a memory and plung into the ice cold depths of agony and torment....  how do i control this without shutting down, without going crazy, without losing my composure.... without ...the without in my life?....
     how....
      i get numerous support from here, many with offers, and many who still do not get it.  there is a correct way to approach me, and if You are honest with manners.... it will be the key to my attentions.  with all due respect, manners work, acknowledgement of my stat specifics in which i seek is important, and understanding that i am not a toy, is vital.  toy and toy are two different things, i for one am not a squeeky toy, so do not attempt to make me squeek, You will be surprised what comes out of me, for it will likely leave You pondering Your purpose in life and make You feel that the worth You placed within Your attempt to attract my attentions is exactly Your own worth, which will seem worthless.
 
     i am tired with those who do not take the time to read, yet attempt to explain that they are willing to place the time within me.  You have looked at pictures, nothing more, and that makes You fail from the start.
     those under my age, i am sorry, i can only be a friend.  those above my age, 10 years or less - my attentions are for the taking.  those 10 years or older than myself, forgive me but for the purpose i seek, You too can only be friends.   everyone has there preference, please respect that this is mine.

      the other approach that i have a hard time with is the ones that approach me with a resume in hand.  i don't prefer this method.  i like to learn someone one day at a time, on my own.  how many of You have altered Your vanilla resume's to get that step up?....  point made.  if Your approach leaves me two choices, yes or no... then You will always get no.

    it makes me seem so cruel to have specifics like this, but really i am just writing the same thing i have asked for from day one.  i am a very good friend, a fun loving intelligent individual who would make a valuable asset on all relationship levels, and really doesn't it all branch off of friendship anyways?.....



11/1/2007 7:53:30 PM
- curled up on the floor, blankets surrounding her like a nest against the cold, her thoughts crashing in around and about her, she wants to scream - ....  this is so unfair....  :(

10/28/2007 4:36:21 PM

i am tired of this fake shadow around me, tired of these pathetic players, wannabe's and mental nut bags who bother me.  stimulate my mind, then body, raise my will and fuel my hope, hump my leg and i will more than happily deliver unto You the same pain You play unto me.

intelligent, dedicated, desire filled, real, persistant, and endless, this is me...  if You cannot accomidate all of this then be gone, You make me detest You.

enslave me, all of me, or take nothing at all.


10/14/2007 5:31:41 PM
it has been a while since i have been on here.  i found that its hard to get the e-mails to load in a timely manner and i am unable to respond to them because of this.  it seems to be ok today though.
    that being said, i find i need to surround myself with more motivators in life, people and things.  the lifestyle has become utterly faded within my life, and it is hard to keep it alive on ones own, when eventing is almost impossible, and being in a new city, spending time with those who would motivate me are far far away.  what can one do to mind herself freshly each day of what she aspires to be?.
     i have 10lbs to lose yet, and i have maintained it for over 5 weeks, i would like to see them gone, but working two jobs, and schooling leave little life in me to "get it done"... i need a boost, a recharge... i need to renew some of my convicitions in life, within myself, my station, my schooling, job....  i need .....s..omething...  what is it though?... what am i missing?....

9/23/2007 8:00:18 PM
so i haven't been online as often as i wish, i have been working two jobs and attending school, however i am down to my last 10lbs (ok ok...i admit, i endulged and lost some time, but i am back on track this week, promised) and i cannot wait to achieve such an awesome goal!.
     i ponder what to take for school next, i ponder what will come of me in december, when i either stay or leave this city.... 
i wonder if the path of the slave has taken a back seat again, i have not been at events, i have still not purchased a new sleeping collar, i have not held a long decent conversation with any lifestyler.... and i am not pushing to gain back lost time/ground...  this i am pondering....  what's happend?.
     i do find myself uninterested in keeping conversation with people younger than me who display interest in me (other than friendship, which most will not comprehend, or choose to ignore) i still attract a large amount of "mature" dominants 45+ who do not understand that i do not seek to be daddys little girl, nore am i seeking someone of this age range at this time (my appoligies, but i have been there done that, i seek a life mate within 8 years of my age... why so specific?...  i can't say, i just feel...)  age never was an issue before, and it really isn't, it's more of a preference, but there has always been an acception to the rule.  it's all up in the air...  structure....  is it needed?....

     i do however feel a constant need to belong lately, the clock is ticking, i am ...older now and i have needs ,.. those needs are within a consistant stable fashion, i am tired of the moving around city wise, relationship wise....   i need a home base for my body and heart now... this is the strongest thing i know right now...
      perhaps i do need that neck piece to wear 24/7 as a minder, as a place to put my thoughts ... to help channel my reminders into something more active....   perhaps the symbol of the dragon, my spirit beast should always be on my person.....   yes i think i will make it so, it's my symbol of empowerment now until "He" comes.
      i have gotten too busy in life again....  i find its way to easy for me to do...   like a hampster wheel.... just one more lap... until You try to stop, and the momentum just sloshes You around, and it's Your sheer weight that fuels it further, .. no time to stop....  not sure where your going, where you've been,... just certain theres one more rotation coming...
   ....  so much to analize....   why doesn't He approach with such a presence that i drop everything and am compelled to follow?...  this is what i wait for i think....   no.. i know it's what i wait for...   the One who makes me do a double take.... 
....my head hurts.....  am i back to square one?..  :(

8/30/2007 7:18:24 PM
i can't believe the longer i am on here, the more i run into people with ill manners.  it truly makes for that extra annoyance in life i just cannot be bothered with.


8/14/2007 5:42:58 PM
well, i have added a new picture.
the 15lb mark was with me in the black mesh outfit, the 35lb mark is me leaning nude in the shower.   seeing this for myself, i am breathless....    i did that by myself?. *grin* (picture will take a few days to be authorized of course)

8/13/2007 7:02:59 PM
i have been wondering what to write, thinking of words that i could account for but what it really comes down to, is what i feel....  and i feel absolutely, wonderfully fantabulous!....  it's a great time to be alive, to learn, to explore and to achieve goals.

that and camp is coming, and i have so been waiting for this!!!.....


8/9/2007 6:50:51 PM
from submissive to slave...  the training wheels come off simply because it is time, and i embrace it with all of me....  because i desire more.

8/7/2007 5:21:25 PM
10 days till camp!!!!.....wahoooie!

8/6/2007 6:32:15 PM
sun burns....  they really suck let me tell You!.  lol   that's what You get for going out and playing soccer for a few hours....  so going out bra shopping for something tight fitting around the shoulders after?....  what does that make me, considering i roasted my shoulders?..  lol    what can i say, sometimes i think, and sometimes... well sometimes i feel the hard way.  he he  (which isn't bad either)

8/4/2007 3:51:43 AM
"don't let the eyes of sadness, reflect on your inner soul...." delerium - apparition  

so few words, such a powerful message...  one of my favorite sayings as of late.. :)

8/4/2007 12:23:18 AM

its 3am in the morning and i am wide awake, why that is i am not sure....  my mind seems a little restless and myself a little anxious.

i ponder the e-mails i have recieved since my last journal posting, and am still surprised to read the surprise in those who comment as my perspective being genuine and rare.
i can honestly say i have never really read other submissive's posts or there thought process here or on any other lifestyle site, but am curious... don't others think with the intensity and sometimes confusion that i do?... isn't the desire and wants of others within the same lines?, within at least the same base start?.
     i don't think myself better or worse than other submissives, rather i see myself as neutral with the need to sometimes type things out just as they come, because in those words sometimes i find the courage or the reminder i need in later days when things may have gotten my spirit down.
     what are the others like?....
xxxxxx
     i have pondered this need i have had to get myself into a better physical condition, and smile when i think i have come all this way alone, i have come from 180lbs to 154 and am expected to lose another 20lbs by the end of the summer. 45lbs....  and then my goal is complete at least in body, the next phase, i wish to condition my mind, i believe i need to open up more in understanding and see all the possibilities.  i have been told that the conditioning that is already there is one that was placed for survival, one that needed to to be in order to press on....  it isn't like that anymore is it??,...  i mean... i no longer need to survive... just survive...  i need to live  its so funny, the one thing we are here to do, and that is learn life and how to live it to the fullest, and i feel i have been held back in class for 10 years... my mind is just churning... i sometimes feel inhuman.... why is it my words are amazing to some, when i feel i know the least of life and how to be within it?.... i am just me, but who is that?.


8/2/2007 7:21:34 PM
there is a specific way i envision things...  i envision training so specific and unlike no other, i envision sensation that is the bond like no other, i envision perfection, i envision no escape, and no escape wanted. i envision inner calm in my place as eventual slave to one who will accept all of me, and give in turn all of Himself.
     to be taken as much as to give, to endure as much as to crave, to learn as much as to be taught, to be molded and then wrapped in His armor as much as by His heart.....  to free myself of my own prision and know i can be that which i was ment to be, to fufill the purpose for which i am present, to tame the dragon within but to harness it as part of what i am....  i ask for freedom from my cage, but know not how to find it.....
    i wear blinders to the common distractions, because of this He must be one of a kind, He must approach me, differently than others of 9 years past..... i wish i had the answers, but in words i can never portray what i feel, that is why... i am filled with only that which i can best define.....and that is....  my endless desire.....

7/31/2007 5:02:48 PM
so there is much to do within this age of 29!... i feel it the year of learning and trying new things.  perhaps a move or career change is overdue?... yes i think just maybe.
i cannot wait for my camping trip in august, there is nothing better than camping bdsm style :)

i need a new sleeping collar......   and come to think of it, i need to find that public piece yet...

7/28/2007 5:10:59 AM
omg, less than 24 hours and i am going to be considered an elderly lady at the ripe old age of 29!!!    ahhhhh!!!.... someone please stop the clock ....rewind it to when i was 20, crazy and adventurous!....  *whine*

7/26/2007 3:33:39 AM
i hate taking off my sleeping collar, and find myself replacing it quickly with something tight like a choker for the work day, chokers are my favorite.  at least i remembered to take it off today before going into work  *chuckles*
...i hope my parcel comes today.

7/23/2007 5:01:29 PM
my mind has been going 90 today, i find it wanders with the slightest thought.
     i watched the movie secretary again last night, i know most say it wasn't that great, but i see it in my own way for certain things that trigger my desire.   first of all, the scene with the tree...  (if You've seen it, You know what i mean)... that is how i will be taken next, back to front, and i will adore the blood that wells from it.
      second, though breifly emphasized, the connection they both had to each other, oh how i crave to be looked at, to be touched, made love to, trained, taught....  oh all of it... i want that unspoken connection, the one that digs deeper than anything that can be verbalized.
      i wandered the mall today, and wondered what it would be like for my One to choose what i wear, would He approve of the shoes i looked at, was the dress short enough, is it the right color?...   did i buy something noting His preferences?... would He notice?.
      when i drove home past the park, i thought how nice it would be to spend time with Him, walking through the park, learning, talking.... loving.
      when i brought out my sleeping collar just a moment ago, i thought, would He want me bound at night?...  would He force me to tell Him my ritual mantra?, would He make me stop?...  would He have me replace it?... the mantra i have had as part of my daily life since i was 17?.....
        i am getting antsy, my thoughts are looking for possibilities, i am turning to a content under pressure....
       age has never been an issue with me, but as of late it's become important...  the majority of the people who contact me are 50+, of barely 20, it's hard to be polite, it's hard to place on the table reality.   what do i mean?, i am not sure.  i do know that i do not wish to be unwed, unowned forever... i think about this age game, and try to keep an open mind....  it is easy when You know that Your training will be just that training, and someday You will graduate.   but this time around, i don't want to graduate,... i do, but i want to continue to the next training course... further and further.   ....i don't want Him to go away this time....    i will do my best not to send Him away......

7/22/2007 5:49:07 PM
for as far as i can remember i was always aiming to please, to please anyone around me, a happy response was my reward.... and i will always continue to do so, it is what and who i am.
... today though, i find reward in my happieness that i have achieved something on my own, to make me feel good, to make me feel stronger....  its not greed or selfishness if your goal is put in place to make yourself a stronger and better person.   its working to become more prepaired, its making ready.....   and it makes me feel confidence,...  a slave i will be because i want this as much for Him, as for me.

7/22/2007 1:19:42 PM
capture the mind, and the rest will follow.  there is no other way.

7/14/2007 10:24:10 AM
the mind is such a complex part of a person...  when it is in dissaray and chaos takes hold, then the rest of the body just doesn't work very well.  how does one gain a clear mind, with the proper thoughts when the tracks of habit and past are etched so deep?.
it is easy to tell someone how to change, but to put it into play?... that's a whole nother beast....  and yet it must be done.

7/8/2007 1:53:35 PM
it's interesting to see the vast many area's one can travel within the lifestyle, to learn and to see.  i would never of imagined that seeing a lifestyle where the focus is ones beauty and pleasure as a gift to oneself, another or others would be that of focus for me, but it has been brought to my attention, and for as much as sometimes i hate to acknowledge it, that it is about me. i am also forcing myself to understand this new area, and yes... i've noticed it's results already...  and i very much like it.......  a celebration of body, beauty and pleasure...  just what the doctor ordered...  another strength to a life of personal weakness, by just the presentation of the possible.  :)   ... no longer a weakness, and i have become stronger. 

7/1/2007 8:18:24 AM
28 days till my b-day!    YIKES!!!!

6/28/2007 3:52:22 AM
re-discover, re-introduce, re-evaluate, re-desire, re-apply, re-concentrate, re-experience, re-enter ....re-live...re-born

6/25/2007 3:00:22 AM
ever find Yourself in a world where all You remember is a hint of the past, and a forgotten future?.  You remember there being a purpose but there is no glimps of ending and no trail of process?....
   how about when You've eatin too much, and no longer feel hungry, no longer wish to move, no longer want for wanting?, yet know Your missing.   i cannot wait for those clouds to clear....  i do remember one thing clearly.....  this mentioned above,... this isn't like me.

6/23/2007 4:41:30 PM
things may get bumpy and things may turn into wrong choices, but one lives, learns and grows stronger, and one never burns bridges....
my utmost respect to BP Sir, i wish You well in all that You do and encounter.

6/19/2007 6:39:43 PM
i'd love just to be able to show a video of how frustrated i am right now, right here, i'd love to be screaming my head off, and butchering everything in site that i find offensive and insulting to my status...... and i'll do that as soon as i come out of my stupor - curled up in a naked ball on the floor of my shower as it beats ice cold water on my body.....   *growls in distaste*.....

6/17/2007 8:05:13 PM
it amuses me to one day be sitting and fighting the same beast one has spent years fighting to contain, and then the very next day letting the very beast loose and craving it's next visit.  i really don't know how much longer i can stick to believing that the lifestyle has more to offer than physical encounters....   i mean it does, but can't we just forget about them for a while?. lol

6/15/2007 2:09:34 PM
ever have one of those days where all of a sudden hunger strikes You and You could just take on everything in site?..... yeah..... well erm... it's one of those days.

6/13/2007 3:22:48 AM
i find that this weekend will tell me a lot of things.  i am hoping to find what i do not see, it's not a particular anything, just a something other than i already see, something that will keep me steadfast instead of hesitant.
   it's been a month of drastic changes in my life, the only change i am either impatient about or am approaching incorrectly is my fitness goals..... it is indeed a difficult task.....  will need to do some more research this weekend.
i cannot but believe that things are getting better for me from here on in.....   the learning has yet but scratched the surface in all things submissive, feminine and draconic.

5/21/2007 8:53:53 AM
i am creeping closer to my ideal physical fitness goal, but suppose i am getting impatient with the time involved in getting there.  maybe another 15-20 by mid july??....   i hope so... i need and want this....  what can i do to speed up the process other than intensity?.  in this, i hate crawling.... 

5/19/2007 7:28:38 AM
i am finding all sorts of new area's within my station i never realized that i never paid heed to.  and now that i am forced to look at those sides of me, i truly know what discomfort feels like.....  but even that will come to pass.  

5/8/2007 4:54:42 PM
down the path i'm led....... the panther watches......

5/8/2007 1:43:41 AM
it's amazing how quickly one can feel like an ass for doing or not doing something.  but it's best to move on and move forward, producing positive results for one self.  ...  i don't know how i will learn all there is to being a lady and a bitch... i wouldn't exactly be the best candidate to learn these things... but that's the direction of my path now..... led by the panther..

5/4/2007 7:55:28 PM
i was introduced to a new beast today, a "Black Panther", what an intriguing beast .........

4/20/2007 4:42:02 PM
i am still seeking a delicate neck piece, with a dragon integrated into it somehow, that one can be locked into.   either in a chain fashion, collar like fashion or a more modern choker fashion.  something that is ment to be put on and not taken off...  of course until replaced with the "final one".  engravable pieces, and pieces that come with wrist and/or ankle cuffs are a bonus.     any ideas where this can be found?....

4/12/2007 5:17:11 PM
i am not santa, i do not expect to be approached with a "wish list" least of all portrayed with multiple "i wants".  Your approach is wrong, Your manners ill placed, i am unamused, if i wanted a job, i would fill out Your application.  since i do not seek a job, but a lifestyle i seek the one with the least obvious approach.   mind me of my place, don't insult me with belittlement and ignorance...... 

4/7/2007 9:16:03 AM
let this be as real to Y/you as it is to me, otherwise i do not have that kind of time to waste.....and Y/you will know

3/29/2007 3:15:11 PM
seeking conversion.... 

3/28/2007 4:23:02 PM
it's been over a year since i last "got out", i have been pretty anti-social, not intentionally, but one does that when one tries to find herself.....   well not as in trying to find herself, more so trying to learn more about herself.  i took a little time off to find what i needed, to see it's image in my head... i thought a year would be enough, but no... it's still not an image, it's an urge, something i feel....  and it's maddening...  no words for it....  it's just like trying to find my pull to the other half of my magnetic self.
saturday i get to "get out" again, and i intend to enjoy myself, whatever may happen, now if only i knew what to wear?... *g*

3/25/2007 8:11:20 AM
i went out last night and watched the movie "300" with friends.  i wasn't expecting it to be anything interesting, but it  ended up being a rather good movie.
i don't know what my mind plays on me, or what my heart wills, but i could find myself in the role of the queen, not for title but in a sense for a need to expeirence the same as she.
without getting into detail, i left the theater fully aroused, eager and aware... mentally, sexually, spiritually.....  the one i seek will be as strong and wise as her king, he will desire me as king desired his queen, but he will also be ruthless as the polition......"this won't be over quickly, and you will not like it".......
it's amazing to what the body responds to lately....

3/24/2007 4:17:29 PM
this year i am most interested in working on myself to evolve beyond the level of training and knowledge i have now, there is something within me that craves and almost demands more than what has been offered to this point.   i am for once moving forward through just about anything that is only focused on one aspect of the lifestyle.  i am interested in disscussing singular topics, but i will not be held up to consider anothers singular needs.  my package, training and challenges will be vast in chapters of contributions towards my life, and someday my One.
i am aware i have sat in the shadow too long, and am slightly out of touch with, well... me, i plan to remidy that, and will wrap myself in a blanket of people who can motivate and rub me the right way in this regard.
i can only say that the way i feel now, is one who is going stir crazy in a realm i don't wish to remain in, not this way, not this.... pile of knotted thread, i wish to be constructed into something exceptional, something strong and supportive, something that is allowed color something that has that flare and fire.
i've over time allowed my exterior to harden, to change the representation of what i truly am, .......  the beast is about to break free, and only one will tame this dragon.

3/16/2007 1:59:15 AM
hmmm, where to find a collar or choker, as well as wrist and ankle cuffs that lock integrated with the symbol of the dragon somehow... i am overdue for some public wear.

3/13/2007 2:15:32 PM
ok i'm sorry, but i got to post this, this is getting rediculous.

1 - if Y/you under 28, i am only available for friendship, the same goes for anyone who is 45 and up.  with all due respect, there are plans the i have that wouldn't work otherwise.  we all have are specifics and needs, and i don't need a leg humper or am not in need of a daddy at this time.


3/11/2007 5:29:18 PM
my body is screaming today....... it shall scream even more so tomorrow. 

3/10/2007 6:08:51 AM
i think it is time to base some emphasis on my physical fitness goals.  i have been maintaining a fitness regiment weekly, but feel it's time to turn it all up a few notches.  (see this would be so much better if i had a Dominant who would encourage and push me to meet my physical fitness goals) i have about 5 months to push to gain my goals, i think i will try to change my intensity....  i want to be raped when a Dominant looks at my body and desires to take me, i want to emphasise this body with the little teasing bits of lace and leather, pvc and silk and make it look slutty underneith my otherwise business casual attire....   hmm maybe it's too early in the morning to say this.... and god knows it's killer going to the gym horny, but it's time for me to do so.... god, i swear im stuck in a horny as hell phase!... he he.... bring it on.

3/4/2007 6:01:05 PM
it's been a week for prowling.... a beast on her knees scenting the air.... growling with hunger....... it's maddening!.  i feel like taking.....  just what i want, how i need it.......    the beast within

2/28/2007 3:30:14 PM
interesting are the things that run through my mind while i wait for this darn winter to move along.   i am so much more active and willing when the spring comes and much more so when the summer is here, .....i absolutely love the heat!.
i cannot wait to bring out my bull again and practice in the summer, i can't wait for the fet night, i mean the "real" fet nights, the private ones with those you know oh so well, the ones that go so much further than the stand and model that one see's so often, especially here in the big city.
i plan to further explore my sexuality as much as my sensuality, (bugger off those of you who think that was an open invitation, it's not that kind of thing ever with me) also i would like to explore more of the pain aspect, i cannot wait to explore the whip more so than before.  i desire to bring out more of the woman inside of me, more of the beast i keep so locked up and in check.
i want to have fun, need to have fun, but with that i also need my roots again, protocal, procedure, purpose... if anything to refresh the fires.  i literally could blab on couldn't i?...   where's spring?  *whine*

2/22/2007 2:23:28 PM
time to get back to my roots..... f*uck the rules..... :P

1/29/2007 5:32:42 PM
my mood today:
to be taken into the woods, have my clothes torn from my body, and fucked back to front up against a tree with the sharpest bark......
i crave to feel that sensation..... and the blood...

*growl*

ok i must admit thats perhaps not the best thing to post for someone looking for friends, but damn it, it's how the beast in me feels today.... may god help any victims that get too close..... *eg*

1/26/2007 8:16:04 PM
i would be most interested in speaking with individuals who are into the following:
a) corset training
b) speak japanese
c) single tails
d) tattoo and body piercings
e) feminization

just something that has hit me at random as a spontaneous interests. :)


1/21/2007 11:16:56 AM
i find it a little funny when people note that i am only seeking friendship at this time, yet purposely approach me in hopes that friendship will hold there place in line, that isn't true friendship. this is putting yourself under a title that portrays yourself as something you are not intending to truthfully be, it is truly sad to see people try so hard to fool me when they are utterly transparent.  be real, be truthful, be yourself or with all due respect be gone.

1/19/2007 5:24:00 PM
while i sit here wondering where to direct myself next in the lifestyle, i cannot help but feel a need and desire to surround myself in positive and influential people, ones that will rub me the right way per say.  i am eager to get "out" of myself, portray more of my feminine self, through training, conditioning and good old blood sweat and tears.  i think i will try to bring my insides out, since my outside isn't so malible at this time, and i enjoy the little bit of the beast and babe that escapes me... or have been enjoying it more so as of late.   i need pushing i know, i eagerly welcome it... i desire the journey of endless change and enhancement...    i need out of myself.

1/18/2007 3:44:31 PM
day 2 at the gym, heavens it's amazing how much the gym lets you know that your out of shape when you attend after ages away. however, i have a large event coming up in the summer and if i am to arrange an "orgie" then i best put forth some good looking bait. lol... *cough*.. right... anywho... motivation... need to keep that up in order to succeed, cause it's all the good kinda downhilled intentions from there on... or so i have planned. *eg*

1/17/2007 2:36:33 PM
with all due respect E/everyone, i am not looking for anything past friendship at this time, so please keep that in mind when contacting me.
~m.e.d~


1/3/2007 3:34:48 PM
i must admit one of the benefits of having a strong Dominant was the drive they gave You or incentive when pursueing physical fitness.  if i were ever to look for a Dominant again i would definately seek one who was fit and healthy, one who was more of a moderate fitness nut.  have You seen some of the people out there?, i mean there are handle bars, and then there are those who are very unhealthy unfit....  that's a little incentive in itself for me....  yet, i still need a kick in the ass to stay consistant and on track to my own personal goal. will this year be my year?.

1/2/2007 3:29:34 PM
i can't believe the urges and sensations i am feeling,.... such awareness and hunger to feel that "zone" i do so like...
hmm, what to do next?..... i crave to learn more....!!!

12/28/2006 5:06:30 PM
it's only been a day since i came out of my cave and already i am sighting spats of my old interests and numerous new ones.  i have goals i wish to accomplish and conditioning i desire to set in place.  i feel this summer will be a higly active and exciting one, i cannot wait to see what the heat does to my scales, and more so what fires will rage within.....    so dragon like am i.... *smirk*

12/27/2006 4:43:39 PM
it's been a long while since i have been on here, but it's time to stick my head out and about again, i am looking forward to seeing what new things in life i can add to my "resume".  

8/26/2006 10:52:40 AM
ok.. not seeking anything past friendship.. though my add states that i am looking for various kinds of people, it still means just that. seeking friendship in various somewhat specific type people. friendship... not a switch, so no itchy switching will happen my fellow male subs and slaves... not a domme, so i won't be tanning anyones hide, not into vanilla sexual encounters... not into sexual based "friendly" nudge nudge wink wink friendship... just seeking like minded friends, thank Y/you kindly.

8/23/2006 1:45:13 PM
not seeking anything past friendship. that being understood, feel free to chat me up.

7/25/2006 2:38:43 PM
it's been a while, as usual since i have written in a blog anywhere. i have been extreemly busy, and just minded myself to not forget to make time for some fun in life. so here i am. my mind cannot shut off from weekends past, and yet i want to remember, because i believe if i blink, it will be gone and it will all just be a dream. i dred that it was just all a dream.

7/12/2006 10:37:38 AM
it's been a while since i was on here, but that is due to having responses from people who can't understand that i am only seeking friendship at this time, and that works best if an underlying agenda isn't present.

5/29/2006 6:39:39 AM
oh my i never expected to get such a large response to my add, i can almost not keep up. i find it odd though the amount of people who prefer slinging a collar out first before getting to establish a friendship with me. at least 80% of my e-mail responses will be respectfully short at least. i am in no hurry, i wish to enjoy life and the company i am in.

5/25/2006 1:24:46 PM
oh dear, that's all i need is yet another web site to spred into.. ah well, what one does to enhance themselves as a person. i am really hoping to meet some like minded people, and look forward to yet another adventure. ~grin~

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CrazyDomina
 
 Age: 19
 Sdyney, Australia