|
|
|  | |
|
|
|
|
|
| Do to the number of fakes, assholes and just bad people; I have decided to quit this lifestyle. No I do not need anything you have to offer and no I do not want anything you have to offer.
I now understand the mistake I made by leaving my position at the House I was in, for letting someone else lead me down the wrong path and not following my Master, but what is done is done. So stop emailing me!!!
I will not rewrite my profile.
|
|
|
|
|
today i start a very busy schedule. My work hours have changed, and I'm now a full time student as well as a full time employee. Please be patient, kind and understanding, if i am unable to reply to you, i will endeavor to try to return mail in a timely fashion. |
|
|
|
|
a letter to my master to tell what he means to me
Dear Master,
i want to wear Your collar, to truly be Yours. To be owned, mind, body, and spirit. You told me to write You a letter about what being collared would mean to me. i've spent a lot of time in thought, working out just what i feel that is. And i have said before that trying to find the words to express how i feel about You and about being here is a nearly impossible task, because human language does not have words enough to adequately express such deep feeling, or to even come close. You had a conversation with me about how this relationship is a selfish one, how it will always start out as a selfish relationship with the one person serving the other because they are getting something out of it in return - there's something in it for them. At some point, you serve because it makes you happy, it makes you whole, it completes you - not for what you get out of it from the other person. If the one you serve gives you an "attagirl" and a pat on the head, then you've just hit Nirvana, but even if they don't, you serve because that is what you want to do, what you know you were meant to do. i agree with You that i should not serve for what i get out of it, but because it's what i want to do, beyond a shadow of a doubt. However, there is so much that i feel i get out of this relationship, just by the nature of the relationship itself.
i can understand the fear that if you submit yourself to someone else and allow them to change you, you lose who you are, however i've realized something else. By being here, by being Your slave, Master, and implementing the changes that You promote within me, becoming who You show me i can be, i gain more of my true self. What is being taken away, what i am actually losing, is not who i am, but who i pretended to be. i lose the mask that i presented to others, the me that never truly existed. What is revealed is my true self; who i truly am, deep inside, the very best part of me and in that, i am better able to serve You.That is the first thing being collared would mean to me - the discovery of my true self and the permission or allowance to live as my true self. In being Owned and giving up my freedom, i actually gain more freedom.
Owned, i am given more freedom than i ever dreamed possible. i have, as i just mentioned, the freedom to live my true self, free from the mask that i wore for so long and without any need to hide who and what i am. i have the right to live free of fear, free of insecurities. i do not need to feel that i am worthless, for i know that You do not own crap - in Your eyes, i have worth and therefore i have worth in my own eyes as well. i am free from any insecurities i have or had in the past, for Your word trumps them all. i need not fear what others think of me, because the only thing that matters is what You say; Yours is the opinion that matters. Axiom #3: "A slave serves without humiliation, hesitation, reservation, modesty, or sense of shame." If my actions, words, thoughts, feelings, etc. are pleasing to my Master, to You, then that is what truly matters to me. No matter what others think of me, no matter what i think of me - Your word is highest.
To me, it means the freedom to truly live. Not only to live as the person i was meant to be all along, but to live life fully and completely without holding back. i can do absolutely anything that i want to, but You are the filter through which my ideas, my dreams, my goals, and my wants must pass. i have security in the knowledge that You will not hold me back, but rather will allow me to live my dreams within the confines of Your limitations, as they are pleasing to You and what You are trying to accomplish with me. You are helping me to build myself up, to sort through the crap and baggage that i have carried for so many years, to find the shining piece of precious "me" underneath.. what could possibly have more meaning or value than that? You are not making me, Master, but You are giving me life. The depth of my feelings toward You inspire me to be the best that i can be. The knowledge that with You i am free from my fears, my insecurities, and my worries is priceless. My only worry is that i am pleasing You, that my actions, thoughts, and words will be pleasing to You and how i am representing You to others outside of the house.
i want to say that this is still a selfish relationship, because i feel like i come out of it with so much more than You do, Master. i feel there is so much that i gain by being here with You, and so much more that i would gain by wearing Your collar. With all that i am, with all that i have and will have, and all that i still can be, i want nothing more than to be Yours. It means more to me than words can ever say, than human tongue can ever utter. Peace, safety, security, pride, respect, and sheer freedom are gifts that i feel You are giving to me - peace with who i am; safety under Your wing; security such as i've never known, both physical and emotional security; pride in my station, in my place as Your slave; respect for myself, for who i am, that i have gained through You; and immense freedom from everything that weighed me down in my past. i am
ever hopeful, ever striving, to be Yours,
edibe |
|
|
|
|
When i sat down to write out my
profile, i had a pretty hard time. i wanted to put in tidbits about not only
myself, but also of Master and what it means to me to be here with Him as a part
of His house. The problem i have with that is whenever i try to describe or
define or put to words how i feel about Him and what being His means to me, i
can't find the right words. i feel like i'm trying to express in words something
that the human language has no words for. It is consistently something i have a
hard time describing. He is so much to me and He means so much to me...
When i am away from Him, He is constantly on my mind; at work, the
highlight of my day is being able to call Him and hear His voice on the other
end of the line, even if for only a few seconds before the call is over. His
arms around me offer me reassurance, strength, security, joy, and peace, along
with a variety of other inexplicable emotions depending on the situation
involved. To hear Him say that He is proud of me or that i have done well is by
far the sweetest sound to my ears, likewise with hearing Him call me by the name He bestowed upon me - "edibe".
Serving Him and being part of His house
is incredibly fulfilling. i am in a house with a loving Master who is patient
with me when i'm struggling and firm with me when required or needed. i have two sisters, phoenixanu and orchid34, who were open and honest with me before i
joined, offered me the support and guidance i needed as i was learning when i
first became a part of Master's house, and who still support me as i continue to
learn and grow here with our Master.
Trying to put into words and
describe how it feels to be a part of the House of G often feels like a daunting
task. So, how can i tell others, who are not here, what it's like to be here?
... i just did.
|
|
|
|
|
This time last year, i was a mental and emotional wreck. i'd just broken up with my boyfriend of five and a half years and my life had absolutely no direction. My life was being wasted; when i was not at work, i spent every hour that i wasn't sleeping sitting in front of my computer. My "life" consisted of work four or five days a week, sleeping, "computering", and eating. i could not have cared less about the world around me or the people around me. This time last year, i was fooling myself into believing i was happy, but i was slowly yet surely self-destructing. i'd put myself on a path to destruction that i couldn't shy away from, or wouldn't. i had nothing. i have always considered myself to be an open-minded person. How wrong i was. i may have had an open mind, but i was walking around with eyes wide shut. In front of my closed eyes was a world that was rapidly passing me by. When i should have been diving in, i was barely skimming the surface. So many things were closed to me because i refused to leave my safe-haven and actually experience life. i "explored" my life through looking things up on the web and thinking it was real, that i was living because i was trying to learn new things and broaden my horizons.
So, what about now? What's so different? The difference is that i met Someone who showed me that i could do and be so much more than i was. Someone who saw worth in me when i didn't; who saw potential and promise in me when i myself was coming apart at the seams. i had finally decided to look for something i'd been longing for - someone to reel me back into reality and provide me with the love i craved and the guidance i so desperately needed. Having no idea what i was getting myself into, i was planning on striking out on my own - uninformed, unaware, stupid. Luckily, Fate intervened before i had the chance to do so. Fate crossed my path with that of my Perfect Someone at the best possible time in my life and i was extremely fortunate. From the beginning, Master G saw a great potential in me. And from the very first day i met him, i felt connected to Him. Back then, i could not have defined it if i'd been asked. Deep down, i recognized in Him what i had been longing for, what i so desperately needed, i just didn't know it yet. He was patient; He helped to open my eyes and He showed me what i could have.
i've been with Master G since March and i can hardly remember "my old life". i have had my eyes pried open and have been made to look at myself and the world around me in a way i never would have before. i have become a much stronger person. i have learned so many things about who i am and what i want out of life. There is so much that He does for me. He is ever-patient, ever-supportive, and ever-there. He sees in me a better person, who i can become, and He pushes me to strive for that as well. At times, i feel He expects so much out of me that i will never be able to live up to His expectations, and yet i know He expects nothing of me that i cannot already do, that i do not already have the tools to accomplish.
This is not the future i saw for myself at the turn of the year, living in 24/7 M/s TPE poly house, but now i cannot see myself anywhere else. Human language does not have words to express the depth of my feeling for Him or how extremely lucky i was that we met when we did. Seeing His face or hearing His voice strikes a chord deep within my heart that i couldn't possibly describe. i feel whole here; i feel complete. i feel a sense of belonging here, a sense of peace and happiness here, such as i have never felt before. Kneeling at His feet, i feel alive. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
|
|
| |
| Age: 43 |
| Harriman,
Tennessee |
|
|
|
| |
