Donborisano

Male Dominant, 35, Asheville, North Carolina

Female Switch, 30, alaska

Female Submissive, 30, alaska

It's been some time since I've written as I have been looking elsewhere around the OKC area and into the local BDSM scene. While I'm impressed with the local folks I don't really feel that it's for me. It seems to be alot of people who have known one another for quite some time, this makes very dramatic relationships but not great bdsm( in my glorious opinion) oh well back to the search

(continued) Now, I was isolated, a little angry and without any support group. I decided that maybe I had just been foolish and that hiding "ME" was the best option and that's what I did. At every turn where I could, I denied my feelings and my desires. I also began to drink alot and get fat. Basically For four years,anything I could do to suppress my feelings I did. This obviously, was neither a good idea nor healthy. I then ran across a friend at work who was a submissive but didn't know it. He did anything he was told, not becuase he was weak he languished otherwise. As our friendship grew and I saw more of his submissive urges I became convinced that I should at the very least let him know he wasn't alone. So we had "The Conversation" basically, it went like this: I know how you feel, I know what you are, here is a list of people who you can trust. With this information found a safe and sane dominatrix that finally allowed him to be the real him he had repressed. As happy as I was for my friend, I too was in full scale denial only I knew it. I stopped lying to myself and started accepting that I was different. I began working out, and generally exploring my dominant side again. First it was in my vanilla life, commanding people at the office, providing praise to female coworkers and using my body language and tone to suggest correct behavior. (Continued) thanks for reading this far, your awesome!

(continued) Now, I was isolated, a little angry and without any support group. I decided that maybe I had just been foolish and that hiding "ME" was the best option and that's what I did. At every turn where I could, I denied my feelings and my desires. I also began to drink alot and get fat. Basically For four years,anything I could do to suppress my feelings I did. This obviously, was neither a good idea nor healthy. I then ran across a friend at work who was a submissive but didn't know it. He did anything he was told, not becuase he was weak he languished otherwise. As our friendship grew and I saw more of his submissive urges I became convinced that I should at the very least let him know he wasn't alone. So we had "The Conversation" basically, it went like this: I know how you feel, I know what you are, here is a list of people who you can trust. With this information found a safe and sane dominatrix that finally allowed him to be the real him he had repressed. As happy as I was for my friend, I too was in full scale denial only I knew it. I stopped lying to myself and started accepting that I was different. I began working out, and generally exploring my dominant side again. First it was in my vanilla life, commanding people at the office, providing praise to female coworkers and using my body languageand tone to suggest correct behavior. (Continued) thanks for reading this far, your awesome!

(continued) With my first real spanking being interuppted by my father my shame and feelings of isolation began to grow. By no means did my father or mother attempt to understand my "problem" but neither did they mention it again. This left my young teenage self feeling alone, confused and angry. From this point on I kept my interest in BDSM under wraps but directed towards learning as much as I could via the Internet. This was the very early days of the Internet explosion so I received quite a bit of incorrect and bad information. I did however meet a lot of submissive and dominants who both gave me the advice to find myself someone local who could help me. This search led me to a woman in my community named Sara who was a Dominatrix reentering the lifestyle after her recent divorce. She was 35, to my 19 and we met via the AOL ( haven't said that in a while) and then met for coffee. I was so excited, so curious..... And so out of my league. Sara took me under her wing and let me explore and discuss with her about all aspects of BDSM and D/S. I was so enthralled with Sara that at her suggestion and even though I had dominant desires and feelings, became her submissive. I won't say I was a victim or that I regret my time with Sara. What I will say however is that while I learned a tremendous amount, I wasn't always comfrotable with the situations. Sara was very much into swinging and what I later learned was cuckolding. As her slave I was compulsed to activly participate in sexual activities I didn't really want to and with people I didn't really know. At such a young age I felt more close to Sara than anyone I have ever known and disobeying her, even if it made me feel used was not an option. That was until I met an actual submissive named Beth. Beth in my local bdsm group and completly devoted to her master/ husband John. In my conversations with Beth I learned that actual submissives don't feel used or taken advantage of after they play with a dominant. Beth also listened to me and let me know that I shouldn't do anything I didn't want to. With beths help, I was able to release myself from Sara but being in such a small area, this meant having to leave my group and new bdsm family. (to be continued, thanks for reading though!)

"I am not like everyone else" This little statement rang true inside me since I was Eight or Nine years old. My first memories of this difference started when I (like all young boys) became seriously interested in the differences between men and women. I secretly scoured over the pages of my mothers JC Penny cataloges. I can't say what I was looking for but it wasn't sexual; just a boy learning. That was until page 74 of the womans lingerie under the "hosery" section. There it was. I didn't know WHAT it was I was looking at but I was transfixed. This photo was a basic photo of a womans leg in black thigh high stocking with lace edging. I internally asked: "Why would they wear these?" I didn't know but I loved it. The stockings held the womans leg in perfect contrast and position. I could see the leg muscle and how it interacted with the natural curve of first her thigh then her lower leg and then to her foot. It took something wholesome like a kind lady's leg, and made it incredably erotic and sexy. This first experiance became a long term fetish that encompassed a slew of other minor fetish enticements through my young boyhood. I was very good at hiding my difference during these early years. With each knew conquest however the fantasy became less about the things the women wore and more about they represented. These women were wearing these for a reason, for a person, not just because they simply enjoyed them. In my 14th year I began to be more interested in actual sexual relations but with my "difference" guiding my fantasies. I felt myself searching for something while still hiding my feelings that edged the darker side. I didn't just want to see sexy girls, I wanted to see sexy girls tied up. Obviously explaining this to other 14yr old boys was not an option. Then comes my first girlfriend. Kathrine was sweet, pretty and best of all....willing. Our sexlife was typical virgin sex.... Pretty bad. But now having access to a female, my difference began to come into play. It started with my requests that she dress a certain way, wear her hair in a style I enjoyed and dance for me. All of which Kathrine agreed to. Then I decided to take it further. One evening my father came home unexpectantly. My father found me giving Kathrine a full force spanking that I had dreamed about for years. My father being very very vanilla and uprite immediatly halted my wonderful delight and sent Katherine on her way. My father said many things but what I remember is his look of confusion/ disgust and the question: "What is wrong with you?" ...to be continued thanks for reading this far though!

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