domtopbigbang

How real is real?  I know I am real, but I wonder how many real sub are out there...

From  

It strikes me as I explore D/s more that there is a fine line between being an exquisit DOM who can exert control and deepen the submissiveness of their sub in a way that turns both the DOM and the Sub on (surely the point of all this?), and a jerk* who blunders around forcing things without care or consideration.

Some thoughts:

1. The exquisit DOM makes the relationship and therefore the bond between the DOM and the sub stronger.

The jerk weakens the bond by doing things that pulls the sub out to wonder if it's safe.

2. The exquisit DOM does things that deepens the trust between them so that the sub can go ever deeper into submission and the dom can extend their control over the sub.
The jerk makes the sub alert to the possibility that something bad might happen thereby making sure the sub doesn't feel safe to go deeper.

3. The exquisit DOM cares and thinks about the sub and operates in a way that helps the sub achieve even greater levels of submissiveness. The greater the submissiveness the greater the control and dominance, the more turned on and in tune with each other the D and the s are.

The jerk cares about getting their own rocks off.

*I understand jerk is a bit of a judgemental term and these factors might well apply to inexperienced DOMS as well. It is not meant to be offensive rather a linguistic method to differentiate between and exquisit DOM and those that aren't. I am trying to learn to be an exquisite DOM.

Submissive vs Slave vs Bottom  (a posting from another site)

Bottom: someone who loves to be played with and will allow a dominant to top them but ONLY for the duration of a play scene. Once the scene is over they are 100% equals and it’s not uncommon for a bottom to dictate what kind of play they want. For example, I occasionally want an endorphin rush so I will ask a friend to use a single tail on me - I dictate when, where, how hard, what toys, and I am NEVER bound because I am controlling what I want - he complies because he is a good friend and its all in fun. Thus I can and do bottom, but I am NEVER submissive. I am not wired that way. A bottom does not submit, a bottom never gives up control.

Submissive: someone who wants to yield control to a dominant. They negotiate boundaries and the dominant sets safe words for them. BDSM to them isn’t about just the sensations; it’s about being in that submissive headspace. It’s about submitting your mind and body (and possibly your heart) to a dominant for them to use as they see fit (within your limitations of course). A submissive is a submissive long before a scene starts and continues to be a submissive long after a scene ends. It is a part of who they are and how they relate to their dominant partner. A submissive is NOT a doormat, they are an independent free thinking person who compliments a dominant in their servitude. A submissive has the right to walk away from a relationship if it isn’t meeting their personal needs.

Slave: there are so many different views on what a slave is or isn’t but here is the general consensus. A slave is a submissive who takes it one step further giving up all rights to their dominant partner. They give up safe words and trust 100% that their dominant will do whatever is in their best interest. They do not question their dominant, they obey without reservation. The rules for a slave can be quite strict and the discipline for breaking the rules can vary drastically. It is generally accepted that a slave must beg for permission to be released should they ever feel the need to leave a relationship – but the reality is slavery in that context is not legally binding (even with a contract signed) and no one can prevent someone from leaving a relationship should it either not meet their needs or if it becomes abusive.

A slave is an owned piece of property to be used at the dominants discretion. It is not uncommon for a slave to be shared, or commanded to please another, or put on public display. Collars that are locked on, brandings, piercings are common things associated with slavery. It is also not uncommon for a dominant to give away that piece of property should they no longer want to keep it down the road. Or they may give a slave to another dominant for further training.

Slavery is NOT some thing to take lightly and many take it very seriously. It is the ultimate TPE (total power exchange) for many and some crave this with every ounce of their being.

just read this.. and love it...

Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there, to serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson, or to help you figure out who you are or who you want to become.

You never know who these people may be - a roommate, a neighbor, a professor, a friend, a lover, or even a complete stranger - but when you lock eyes with them, you know at that very moment they will a in some profound way.

Sometimes things happen to you that may seem horrible, painful, and unfair at first, but in reflection you find that without overcoming those obstacles you would have never realized your potential, strength, willpower, or heart.

Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness, and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul. Without these small tests, whatever they may be, life would be like a smoothly paved straight flat road to nowhere. It would be safe and comfortable, but dull and utterly pointless.

The people you meet who a, and the success and downfalls you experience, help to create who you are and who you become. Even the bad experiences can be learned from. In fact, they are sometimes the most important ones.

If someone loves you, give love back to them in whatever way you can, not only because they love you, but because in a way, they are teaching you to love and how to open your heart and eyes to things.

If someone hurts you, betrays you, or breaks your heart, forgive them, for they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to whom you open your heart.

Make every day count. Appreciate every moment and take from those moments everything that you possibly can for you may never be able to experience it again. Talk to people that you have never talked to before, and listen to what they have to say.

Let yourself fall in love, break free, and set your sights high. Hold your head up because you have every right to. Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself, for if you don't believe in yourself, it will be hard for others to believe in you.

You can make anything you wish of your life. Create your own life and then go out and live it with absolutely no regrets.
And if you love someone tell them, for you never know what tomorrow may have in store.

Learn a lesson in life each day that you live! Today is the tomorrow you were worried about yesterday. Was it worth it?

Z from my phone

If you email me, I will always reply you...  that is a promise...  

So far so good..   More is ever better. 

yeah, so far so good.  Of course, nothing is perfect.   Perfect only exists in the dream.   The perject thing is to know that there is no such thing as perfect.   Or being not 100% perfect is perfect !!!!

It is "new" life to me.. and still little bit of nervious...  but I feel, that I am stepping into a new phase in my life now... 

Wish to have a time machine...  Maybe not...

It has been a week.   A very special week.   A super fly high week.  An unforgettable week.  A crazy week.   A real week. 

Life often plays jokes on me.  Maybe not jokes, but certainly tricks.  He... the slave..  the most wanted.. the least expected...    and it seems a real.  but don't count on it..   often, things too good to be true is too good to be true. 

He certainly has an intelligent mild, but submissive at the same time.  That means, I can still have an interesting and intellectual conversation with him.  That suits me fine for the time being, because after all, I am not just looking for a pet or a toy or a sex machine. 

This web does seem open a door for me.  A real door..   So, let life takes its own course as long as I put my best effort into it…  whatever is whatever..  

Last day of May...

Time comes, and time goes... it is like a non stoppable train.   You may not realize how fast it goes, but often, when you turn around, you will discover the past is in such distance now..  

Therefore, I value each day..  I tell myself “do your best”…  whether to find a good person/slave on this web, or via CL or whatever,  do not “give up”, and do the best..  and one day, life will reward you..  This is what I believe.. 

Today, I burned 636 calories from running 60 minutes on the treadmill.  My motivation is the song:  I know I am sexy..  J

.