To save my time, and yes, yours in your search for your Domina, read my journal. It will answer many questions you have and encourage thought. Get yourself a cup of coffee,soft drink or glass of milk and cookies and be comfortable as you read my thoughts. I warn you, the journal is long. The journey begins.....
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I am not a pretender or player. But a TRUE dominant as I define being one.
I believe in honesty, integrity, patience, and respect for others as major virtues to try to live by and expect them of others, practicing SSC (Safe Sane Consensual). To me the lifestyle is about the aforementioned virtues. That's all you have to remember. The lifestyle to me is a loving, caring relationship. It is not a boy coming in, being abused, people not caring if he lives or dies and then being thrown away when he is no longer interesting or amusing to the domme he has pledged.
This is a symbiotic lifestyle for both.
Hopefully, I can become The One Lady that will control and lead our mutual relationship, placing value on your surrender, trust, devotion, and willingness to learn the pathways of our life together accepting me as your own to control, dominate, and discipline. Your life with me will be ALL about me. I know you will literally worship the ground I walk upon doing whatever it takes to make me happy. As part teacher, part taskmaster, part deity, I will be fully your owner and goddess.
I can only place trust in the gods that I can be your forever Domme, a safe harbor where you belong because you are wanted, needed, and accepted,not a throw away goods. KEEP READING.
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About Me
Who am I ?
Maybe better to start with what I am not. Not a findomme, humiliatrix, not an extreme sadist, let alone a sadist in the 'usual' definition of one. I remember reading a term somewhere that struck me as a good deion of a character type. I am not a 'bitchy ice queen'.
Actually some would not consider me a mistress, a dominate for I believe that one can get more with honey than vinegar. I am not into hard punishment, and I do prefer that my servant, my sub, knows what I expect of him. I will remake and remold you to my personal tastes, not yours. I am a loving person and to some degree, the kindness and care I receive will be returned to you. I am somewhat strict when appropriate with you, my sub, at the end of a chain.
That being said, I'm not a pushover, because people know it when I mean business or am unhappy about something. Neither am I a drama queen, though I am a very good, award winning actress. When I am happy and content, so are you. I realize that a slave can only be happy when I am happy and content.
First.My style - a sensual Dominant, not extreme sadist. I wish I knew where I saw this deffinition : a Sapiosexual. A person that finds intelligence the most sexually attractive feature.The mind is the most powerful sexual organ. I want to get to know you .Stimulate my mind and I will engage in conversation. If you try to stimulate what is in between my legs when we first meet, I will look right past you and not acknowledge you at all.
I prefer sensual control over harsh ,sadistic use and the use of words to help guide and train my sub.
Second. I am a Yankee transplant that moved to the mid-south mainly for the weather (a gentler winter) and am living in a small-to me-town east of Memphis in northern MS.
Third. I am disabled due to a car trauma about 15 years ago. That left me with some nerve damage to left leg where I have trouble walking without support such as a rolling walker, especially on uneven ground like grass, and climbing up/down stairs with no handrails and walking distances. Wheelchair? Yes, actually the perfect protocol place for suave, behind me or to the side when with walker. In big box stores - yeah I use their scooters. Otherwise, I'm usually good to go. A few years ago suffered a brain aneurysm, a stroke, which left me with a 'mushy' left hand making it difficult to type, without typos, two-handed. and horrors, the inability to mentally make my hands tie knots, fold clothes. Nothing else went wrong. If that doesn't scare you off, continue reading.
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Household Be aware that if you are expecting to be the only adult male living with me 24/7, read no further. I live with , a former slave of mine, now a vanilla type of relationship with me as room mates. The household would expand with you.
You would be my live-in service orientated ,personal service chaste slave.Thus it would be a multi person, female led household. There are also two fur family members, a rescued small Jack Russel and his companion, an American Eskimo .
You're welcome to stop reading if you wouldn't care to be part of my household as it is now.... go separately on your own journey.
Now,if you're still interested, keep reading.
You will relocate, with a mandatory trial period before you pack up your goods for good. You will pay your way to my home and then once established, your fair share of household expenses such as utilities,rent,food costs, and you will pay for your, not my, health insurance and related expenses. You will be allowed to work outside of home or on-line, if not on disability. Be assured. I will not appropriate every red cent you have. Might as well tell you now. I will control your spending.
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Pictures
Yes, I have pictures and they will be made available to those with a pertinent need for them. I am not here to win any beauty contests, and have found that looks often muddy the waters, making people focus on their ideal of Me, rather than the Me that I am. A few have said they use the picture as a focal point when they jerk off, And who gave them that right? Oh yes, must have been me tacitly when I had actual facial picture. Yes, I have a picture of me it will be made available to those with a need as determined by me. There is also a need for privacy due to the nature of this site.
Many ask me what I look like, so will keyboard this: I know many are tired of meeting Dommes that lie about themselves, thus the disclosure that follows. Looks: I am a curvy woman-, 5'6", formerly dark blond hair short-cut now salt-pepperish, green eyed, been told having a nice smile. The rest you'll find out later if we connect.
I believe that matches between a dominate and a submissive should be based on common interests, for looks fade and perceptions of beauty change as time marches on. And realize that I or another person might have need of privacy from plastering their face on the internet so I do not demand to see photos before we meet in real time. Alttraction to another is not based solely on looks. There is the aspect of intelligent conversation, the finding out of likes and dislikes. I don't really care what you look like , even if you think you look like Sasquatch, that's ok for no one is ugly. The rest you'll find out later if we connect.
What I find attractive are traits of kindness, compassion, unselfishness, creativity, conversationalist, not a loner, a person who shows a willingness to explore the pathway of the soul called life.
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Protocols and Contracts
Protocols help in the growth of a relationship, giving a clear outline of what is expected and even when something will occur. Protocol is a way of doing things and I do have some. They simplify life for all parties. The rules and expectations and understanding of them makes life easier, makes it less gray. Protocols are in place to make things run smoothly. They make it easier for the sub because sometimes the subs expectations of himself are higher than my expectations of him in his search to be appreciated for the gift of servitude he gives me, happy, and comfortable in his submission. Note: if you are female sub, insert appropriate address, like she/her.
It is almost a certainty that's not to say that one "Master or Mistress" won't do something one way and another quite differently. from me. One may line up "slave protocols" ad nauseam and another may quite firmly demand that everything be loose and laid back. That's more like I am more a like a 'young' Guard.
To me the lifestyle is not about Old Guard, Victorian, or Gorean or someone elses protocols. It's about honesty, respect, trust, honor, respect, and integrity. That's all you have to remember with me.
I am not into hard, harsh punishment, and I do prefer that my servant knows what I expect of him. I am a loving person and to some degree, the kindness and care I receive will be returned to you.
Protocol
I do have some. They simplify life for all parties. The rules and expectations and understanding of them makes life easier, makes it less gray. Protocol makes things run smoothly. Protocol makes it easier for you, the ubmissive, to please me without always asking me if you can do something you know you have my permission to do.
I am listing some of mine.
I dislike being called or referred to as "Mistress". To me it smacks of the "other" woman. So, address me as Ma'am unless in a vanilla situation where my legal name would be more appropriate.
It's not a requirement that a slave always refer to him or (herself) in the third person, thus never using the words "I" or "it"
It would not be a requirement that the slave to sit or kneel ,sleep for long periods of time on the floor. When receiving orders, the slave will be near me .
In a vanilla setting, my slave still does some subtle protocol things that others don't even notice or pay attention to. Things like opening the car door or bringing me something to eat or drink, carry shopping bags after I hand them over at a store counter, push me in a wheelchair, if needed.
Also if we were not at home, I require that slave asked their hosts if smoking was permitted. To me, it is part of my duties to ensure your physical, psychological, and emotional health and stability. If needed by you safe words will be used. Hard and soft limits will be honored, part of a safe environment.
I dislike eating alone when there are others around. In my home, meals such as early dinner/late supper are eaten together, unless circumstances like work outside of home or breakfast not eaten though I consider that the most important meal of day. You will not eat after me, but sit at table together with me if we're at a table or the like and when there are any others around that want to eat. Snacks as needed or available for health reasons. I will try to ensure healthy food choices for you.
I demand the sub be alert to surroundings, and problems that may need to be addressed.
To me it's vital that there are NO speech restrictions, unless ordered. For the gods sake, Tell ME and others immediately if you see danger coming or that something is wrong.
Feel free to ask questions, because if you don't, how will you learn? If you can't talk to me how can we know what the other wants to so we can continue towards mutual fulfillment of goals? Also, when I talk to someone and we're face-to-face I look them in the eye and expect it back. So someone expecting eye restrictions will not get that from me.
It would not be a requirement that you sit or sleep on the floor unless ordered or in High protocol situation where the sub will use no furniture unless it would help me.
When entering my space for orders or reports, you will stand in front of me, not necessary for greetings like hello or bye. For inspection and receiving
punishment, you will assume proper positions.
In a vanilla setting we would appear as a loving, but hen-pecked vanilla couple.(if female then best friends). You will do some subtle protocol things that others don't even notice or pay attention to. Things like opening the car door or bringing me something to eat or drink, carry shopping bags after I hand them over at the store counter so one notices, push a wheelchair if used occasionally.
You accept me the superior, with the understanding that you are now my property. You will remember your role in regard to me at all times in and out of my presence.
Also if we are not at home, it is required that you ask our hosts if smoking was permitted. If something bad occurs, you will at least apologize and try to rectify if possible, something more serious, we'll work it out.
You will keep your body maintained to assure good health as much as possible,
keeping the body clean, hair and nails trimmed, and pubic area shaved.
I insist that you tell Me immediately that if you are experiencing a medical issue, you take care of small cuts and the like ASAP.
A list of your hard and soft limits will be strictly adhered to with Safewords used and adhered to.
You will take your daily prescribed meds, go to doctors visits, medical tests.
Also, if we are not at home I would require that you their/our hosts if smoking was permitted. Also if you are a tobacco smoker you will maintain the smoke-free home environment by going outside to smoke. You will be appropriately collared after a time period, full ownership at least after a year and then be considered by me as if a marriage . You will wear a chastity devise when needed to ensure orgasm control, with me as key holder, another person having a copy of key in case of emergency id I am not with you.
Also, there would be no to me silly and stupid orders about asking for permission to self-toilet . If you need to then go, with a slight indication that there is a need. At home I know where the toilet is located and why someone is going there. In public, don't just walk away without letting me know where you're going.
When clothes outside our home are worn they are occasion appropriate. Clothing will be clean, not torn, wrinkle free, matched.
I do expect that you will adhere to High Protocol when needed. It would be my pleasure that you maintain a relationship, albeit a 'distant' one with immediate family members, very occasional phone calls made and received, attendance at very important occasions like funerals, weddings, etc. allowed. If needed I can be your friend that came with you.
Discipline will be applied at any time, to ensure that you fully appreciates your role of subservience, and to discourage
unacceptable conduct. I will have the right to use your body at any time, in any matter I see fit, sexually or otherwise.
You will write a legible journal every day, detailing your feelings on what happened during the day. The journal will end with a list of three things you wants to work on regarding your sub duties that might include vanilla type activities that might enhance our relationship. You will also list at least three things you are thankful for, no matter how small they may seem.
Contracts
There will be no signed 'slave contract' that often has no legal validity anyway as I use one. Yes, even in this century there are legal slave contracts that will not be entered with me. I believe that a contract is only good if both parties will adhere to it. So a negotiated verbal agreement will be in place at the start of our R/T relationship as agreed to by both, with a written list of rules handy in the future. The agreement will not be in constant flux and will be applied without question. The only possible renegotiation might be release of ownership term that was negotiated, this done with valid reason and at my discretion. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
General Thoughts on D/S lifestyle
I am aware that what many submissive men especially the young bloods say and think they may want or need. They say: 'do whatever you want with me and I will be your slave forever, beautiful goddess.' Yes I am a goddess for we are all temples of Deity. Nothing is forever except the soul and pain inflicted to it. And how do you know this goddess is beautiful, never having laid eyes on me looking into the mirrors of my soul?
The list, much the one given for profile purposes on sites like this might read like a list of fantasies that many submissive men say they want, without meaning it, without having considered the actuality, the reality of it, the consequences, their future from the moment of possession. There are needlessly cruel, brutal things that you can read in femdom fiction and domes demands on-line and off that might be desired. So submissive, as the old saying goes, it’s not what you don’t know that will get you but what you THINK you know. Learn as much as you possibly can BEFORE you commit yourself to any relationship.
I won't make an entire list and won't say that all those things are or are not true wants and needs. After years of consideration of consequences, I can know and appreciate that fantasy and reality can be, and usually are very different indeed.
I no longer feel the need to often analyze the lifestyle style I live or myself, and have acknowledged and accepted that I live the life I want and need to live, that of a non-sadistic sensual Domina. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
My definitions of submissive vs slave:
EY for text : sub= submissive
sl= slave D = dominant
a sub negotiates during relationship, sl doesn't
a sub obeys by choosing to do so every time , thus retaining will, sl submits to D will at all times
sub accepts submission, sl accepts obedience
sub keeps some rights in context of D/s relationship, sl gives up all rights, becomes , in effect, property, not legal
sub has limits, sl doesn't, (unless negotiated at start with things like safe words usage to stop play (some Doms say sl has consented to no -consent. I think D needs to be trusted that play will stop, but if words used just to get out of something, just because, it would not be good for sl. in other words, be honest, a virtue I value.
sub, playing, sl live lifestyle
both have deep need/ desire to submit, give up at least part of their will, power going to the D. With the pleasing, offering of service, even love comes an integral part of the subs/ sl fulfillment, satisfaction, hopefully with trust and respect for both.
any subs/ sl enter relationships, knowing or unknowing, where, like you state they are to be sadistically, maimed, beaten abused, starved can't ever sit on furniture, wear cloths, always kneel at owners feet, constantly shackled hands and feet. none of the last sentence for me..... The above definitions are the way I define the words submissive and slave. There are many definitions, ways that can added, but I won't, for brevity sake :)
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My viewpoint follows on chastity devices, orgasm denial.
Again, this is a topic with many outlooks
As you know the "gift of orgasm", that of placing the control of pleasure into the hands of another, without complaint, for as long as partner chooses is sign of submission. But a truly submissive man will retain his chastity without such a device And he will work hard to avoid letting his testosterone level affect his performance as a sub. The use of the devise triggers all of the male-centric " do me while I'm helpless sensations. Therefore, to this Domina, they're in the category of Treats(male orgasm and Playtime for me, rarely punishment. I don't want to use a devise to enforce chastity directly, nor expect better service from the slave due to their usage to heighten mutual experience of " of treats and playtime".
There is the control beyond mental discipline, physically limiting the amount of erection a man is able to have "maddening" to him. I like that word and the reaction of the continual 'reminder' effect that the key holder has control, even when they're apart. A sub once wrote to me feeling the restriction and not being able to make an erection would be even more of of a reminder of lost autinomy than orgasm denial "
The slave needs to learn self discipline. From the moment the devise goes on to the moment I take it off, my goal is to make the man feel the device... deeply, starting, from the click of the lock. there is no turning back to your vulnerability to no more erections and no telling HOW long we'll keep it on this time Could be a few days, a couple of weeks, not on at all.
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Looking for a slave who can and and wants me to rebuild him to my very exact liking. The one who isn't a pretender, who doesn't need a sadist, but needs the very essence of a true Mistress to live in a Female Head household.
The above is not everyone's opinion I know, but it is mine.
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Sometimes the slaves expectations of himself are higher than my expectations of him. "One of the few things I have left to me - my word is my bond. If I say I will do something - I do it. And I believe - no one can take this from me." ~~A quote from an old movie - "Rob Roy".
As Dave Ramsey says better than I ever could, that my guideline in for life has become: " The path to success starts with you. If you can manage the person you see in the mirror you can win at anything". So look into the mirror and tell yourself, you are a winner, a sub that is wanted and accepted for his desire to serve a dominant with the best he can give."If it is a true Mistress you seek, sit firmly in your own submission. Submit to yourself and to the idea of submission. Give in. Give it up. She will see it. She will be drawn to it. She will know. She will hear your cry and see your hunger and it will cause Her own to rise. Express it without hesitation and without vulgarity. And most importantly, express it with dignity and in a language of whispers only She will hear. Live it from your center, from your soul". (unknown author)
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I seek the one who can and will and WANTS me to impose upon him 24/7 ownership and sensual, domestic servitude/subjugation. Then he is mine.
Does he exist ?
Am I likely to find him if he does ?
Hope springs eternal I guess.
