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It is the intimacy of Ds that is so profound.

Ds should be elegant and gracious. It is an emotional and physical feast grounded in trust and love.

So many profiles are so trite. My introduction to Ds was in college. It is a highly intimate relationship of submission willingly being given to a dominant who ensures the safety and well-being of his sub. It has existed for eons, though more in the open now. Think in terms of June and ward Cleaver with a lot of kink underneath. (for all we know he made her wear a butt plug while cleaning the house). HOH, TIH, DD are all practiced in a loving manner.

A true dom takes care of his sub or slave as his most valued property. He is chivalrous in life with his sub and others. He is a gentleman with a secret. She is a lady who is simultaneously and all times a slut as well.

A submissive needs self-esteem. Without it, she will reel away from the relationship. She needs the confidence and self-awareness that go with that esteem to be able to serve no matter what the vanilla world thinks.

I am definitely not interested in a pain slut. While I understand pain can bring pleasure, and can and should be used to the extent it provides pleasure pain for pain sake provides neither person pleasure.

One should be able to test soft limits, respect hard limits and maybe some of the hard limits do become soft limits later.

Vanilla interests are as important as sexual interests. The erotic and vanilla should be entwined into a shared secret between the two allowing everyday life to be soaring foreplay that the rest of the world may barely slightly glimpse or suspect.

Having been in 3 long-term Ds relationships in the past, an understanding has been gained of the remarkable closeness, the exotic pleasures and the wonderful life two can share.

Ds and sadomasochism are not synonymous. Masochists should seek their sadists.

Imagine, instead, a life of being told or forced to do all those things you secretly want to do, but societal norms mentally make you hesitate. We are not weird, just kinky. Life should be filled with constant erotic surprises that both people enjoy, together with all the pleasures that life, the arts, theatre, travel, etc. can bring.

We all have baggage. It should fit in the overhead compartment or under the seat in front of you. Not terribly concerned about size. The fuller figure (as opposed to morbidly obese) is far preferable to the anorexics. Think size 12-18 as opposed to 2-8.

Intelligence is sexy. Lack of manners is not. While many men seek a lady in the living room and a slut in the bedroom, I prefer a lady on the outside with a slut underneath at all times.

A Gentleman Dom That means I?ll open doors, get your chair and seat you at tables in public, I will stand when you walk into the room. I?ll shop with you ( I have quite a good eye for style and color) and send you flowers at work for no reason. I?ll adore you for your spirit and humor. No matter how attractive, I will never openly admire another woman in your presence. If you are talking to me, I will LISTEN. I will also spank your pussy until you scream then spank you for screaming. I will flog your ass all you think you can possibly stand - plus ten more? I?ll force orgasms out of you until you?re quivering and your arms and legs won?t support you and your voice is hoarse from yelling ?Please Stop!? and I?ll only stop long enough to say, ?No, darling. You?re not done.? I will make you think of your safe word often but you will never actually need to use it. When I decide you?re done, I will hold you tightly and stroke you and pet you until you feel completely and utterly relaxed?and more loved and cared for than ever before. All of this - because you are mine.
“It's hard for an educated woman to turn her head off. That's part of the joy of being a submissive. None of the decisions are yours. When you can't refuse anything and can't even move, those voices in your head go silent. All you can do, and all you are permitted to do, is feel.”
- Cherise Sinclair, Dark Citadel
George Elliot: "Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person; having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but to pour them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, knowing that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then, with a breath of kindness, blow the rest away."

The “10 Rules” of Domination and submission (D/s)

Author Unknown

1. Be Patient

“To the Dominant, I say this: Until you enter into a relationship with a submissive, you have no more right to order him/her around than does anyone else. Give your submissive time to get to know you and what you are like. Finesse and subtlety are major elements of Dominance. Similarly, strength and gentleness go hand in hand. The sensitivity and awareness (or lack thereof) that you show in the real world is likely to be repeated in the playroom.

“To the submissive, I say this: A potential Dominant will let you know if She or He is interested in you or not. Keep in mind that your purpose as a submissive is to serve and to satisfy someone who will take into consideration the realization of your fantasies. Don’t expect your Dominant to be able to turn on like a light switch. The timing must be right for both of you.”

2. Be Humble

“To the Dominant I say this: You may be God’s gift to the world, but no one needs to hear it or wants to hear it. You will have ample opportunities to show how good you are – and plenty of opportunities to make a fool of yourself. No matter what you claim, the “real you” will show through in a scene. Don’t set yourself up for a failure by developing expectations that you know you can never reach.

“To the submissive I say: You may be God’s gift to the world and the most sought after prize in town, but no one needs to hear it or wants to hear it. You will have ample opportunity to show how good you are. No matter what you claim, the “real you” will show through in a scene. Don’t set yourself up for failure by developing expectations that you know you will never allow a Dominant produce within you.”

3. Be Open

“To the Dominant I say this: Although you are considered to be the teacher in a Dominant submissive(D/s) relationship, you can always learn from your submissive, no matter how inexperienced. Be willing, as well, to learn from other Dominants who may have a totally different perspective from yours. Try to approach by-now-familiar trips with an attitude of wonderment and discovery. Be aware that everyone has her or his own personal style.

“To the submissive, I say this: You can learn something about SM and about yourself from E/everyone into the scene, no matter how experienced or inexperienced they are, or how Dominant or submissive they are. D/s- SM is a very personal art, and an “I already know it all” attitude will make you miss valuable SM lessons and experiences, and ignore potentially valuable D/s friends.”

4. Be Honest

“To the Dominant I say this: If you lack experience in an area that your submissive would like to experiment with, be honest about it. Your partner has a right to know that. Be honest with yourself and take your submissive only to those levels at which you are completely in control of the situation. Safety should always be the first concern, taking priority over how hot a particular scene is.

“To the submissive, I say this: Don’t be afraid to share your needs and fantasies. Your Dominant expects it. Honesty about your wants, health concerns, and turn-offs is essential to a good scene. Lying or being less than candid can only lead to problems, as the Dominant will base the scene on inaccurate information. Besides causing problems, it can be dangerous.”

5. Be Realistic

“To the Dominant I say this: End the scene with the submissive wanting more, not wishing there had been less. Remember that power, control, and sensitivity are the keys, not just the intensity of the stimulation. Be clear about what is fantasy, and has little to do with what works in practice. Your favorite porno picture books may be stimulating in themselves, but don’t try to imitate them to the last detail.

“To the submissive, I say this: Your Dominant is human, and even the most experienced have moments of awkwardness and indecision. Don’t call attention to what you perceive as a lapse or error. Know, to, the difference between reality and the fantasy world you see in books and magazines.”

6. Be Sensitive

“To the Dominant I say this: There’s a very fine line between a sensitive, caring Dominant and a self-righteous, insensitive overbearing fool. Your scene should be a creative synthesis of the needs and fantasies of both you and your submissive. Although, on the surface, your submissive is serving you, what actually is happening is that Dominant and submissive are serving each other. Earn the complete trust of your submissive and never violate or even threaten to violate that trust.

“To the Submissive I say this: Your scene is a two-way street. It is not just the physical realisation of your prior fantasies. If you want to limit your experience to certain physical and psychological stimulation, then contract with your Dominant ahead of time, but don’t always expect your Dominant to be a puppet in a fantasy play you’ve written in your head. It’s far better to let your Dominant surprise you, to extend your limits, to take you to places you’re never been before. When you trust your Dominant completely, let them know it, and let them guide you into new fantasies.

7. Be Genuine

“To the Dominant I say this: Submissives are looking for someone who will take over their body and mind, not just for brute strength. Real people are wanted, not just cardboard images or macho stereotypes. Your Dominance enhances your whole existence. It does not cover up or substitute for other areas of your life – it is you. Make your submissive fall in love with you, and expect him or her to give him/herself up to you totally. Follow up on rules, expect obedience, and punish appropriately when it is called for. Don’t shirk your responsibility to your submissive or to the creed of Dominants. Be dependable and expect dependability. You have agreed to take the Dominant role – now take it!

“To the submissive I say this: You have taken this title as you wish to be controlled, directed, owned. This is the whole point. Let your Dominant take you over completely. Don’t coach or second guess or be critical of your Dominant. Exchange information on your special needs before the scene starts, but once it starts be quiet! You have agreed to limitations of your own power. Stay within those limitations. Respect and obey your Dominant and expect punishment if you don’t. Accept it gracefully. Your

Dominant has many things to be concerned with, including your safety and what turns you on. Be loyal and dependable and enjoy your role!

8. Be Healthy

“To you both I say: Like any strenuous activity, it requires that its participants be in top physical and emotional health. The amount you sleep, your eating habits, your alcohol and drug intake, and everyday stress affect your response and endurance during a scene. Don’t attempt when your physical or emotional energy is low. If you are unable to accept the responsibilities that entering into a scene requires, then say so. Never hold the other to account or in resentment when they do this; accept and support the fact that they cannot be as demanding or responsive as you would like. Support and aid them in returning to a physical or emotional state wherein D/s can be enjoyed by you both in health and happiness.”

9. Communicate

“To you both I say this: Communication is the foundation of a trusting relationship. Never close the door to honest communications between the two of you. Always discuss the essentials when entering into a relationship such as experience, limits, needs, wants, likes and dislikes, health and well-being. Do not assume the other in the relationship is a mind-reader; spell out roles and contracts and rules and agree them. Respect safewords and/or signals. Never close the door to continued communications; set aside times when you can both sit down and discuss things freely and without repercussions.

10 Have Fun

you have both earned, and you are entitled to the unique, intense pleasures which come from responsible, creative BDSM play.