DominaTX

Gender Identification and BDSM

It wasn't too long ago, that I started on this path of topping (though I?ve had a number of years in the scene as a sub).  Well, who would?ve thunk that I?d be so interested in feminizing male subbies?  Yes, I?m kinky. :)  But I know I?ve seen numerous other CDs, TGs, TS?s, and TV?s out there at the parties, so there IS a wonderful multitude of sexual identities that can be a part of a BDSM relationship.

Some Definitions

First of all, let me toss out a few words and definitions for you.  These are not set in stone (heck, there are still arguments about what BDSM means!). So, let?s take a closer look:

CD (CrossDresser) someone who enjoys the feeling of feminine things (satin, etc.), but does not want to "pass" (sometimes...just a fetish for a particular item or material).

Gender Dysphoria ? describes someone who feels that they have a gender identity that is different from their anatomical sex.

Intersexuals (Hermaphrodites) - A person born with mixed sexual physiology, with a physical manifestation of genital/genetic/endocrinological differentiation which is different from the cultural norm. Intersexuals often are "assigned" a boy/girl gender, and surgery is done soon after birth to "correct" their "problem." The problem may well be our society?s tightly held view that there are only 2 genders.

Third Gender - A person whose understanding of her/hir/his gender identification transcends society?s polarized gender system. OBGLTC believes that the dichotomized system of gender is limiting; therefore, OBGLTC encourages everyone to think outside and beyond this schema.

Male-to-Third Gender (born in body of male, believe self to be another gender)*
Female-to-Third Gender (born in body of female, believe self to be another gender)*

* People who are third gender often prefer "transgender" to "third gender".

TV (TransVestite): Someone who wants to feel female, but has no desire to become female.

TG (TransGender): There are two schools of thought here.  The first is that it's a general term to describe all of these categories (CD, TV, and TS).  The other is that it describes someone with unfulfilled Gender Dysphoria.  Transgender is a gender identification?not a sexual orientation. Gender identification expresses how you identify your gender. Sexual orientation refers to whom you are sexually, affectionally, or romantically attracted. A transgender person can be of any sexual orientation.

TS (TransSexual): Someone who is physically (in some way) transforming their body into the other sex (hormones, surgery, etc.) They are almost always Gender-Dysphoric.

Why People Want To

For the purposes of this article, I am mainly focusing on CDs, TVs, TS?s, and TGs. 

So, why do people want to do the TG thang?  Is it Nature? Nurture? Do they need to be ?treated? for this ?discrepancy??  Don?t get upset ? I?ve been told I need treatment just because I?m in the BDSM scene. 

Basically, I couldn?t find any definite answers to the question of ?why.?

Here?s my personal, and very newbie thought on the subject:

I think people can either become what they are or repress what they are.  I think repression is a bad thing and that accepting yourself for who and what you are (without guilt) is a good thing.  So, I say, embrace your inner girl (or guy!) and have fun with it. 

If you want to know what others say on the subject, there is a plethora of information to include:

http://www.gender.org/ (Gender Education and Advocacy)

http://www.ifge.org/index.php (International Foundation for Gender Identification)

http://www.transgendersoul.com/ Transgender Soul (a GREAT site for the psychology and healing of TGs)

I asked a boy (who is new to the scene and to CDing) why he was drawn to crossdress.  He told me:  ?Out of curiosity.  Girls have all the satin and leather and stuff.  I?m just nosey. Plus it?s a taboo.  That makes it exciting.?

Why Do WE Love (or Hate) What They Do?

I come from a small Texas town where one of my classmates used to walk his cow down main street on the weekends.  I remember holding hands with my best friend when I was really young and having people taunt me and call me ?Queer.?  I?m straight as an arrow, but that derogatory way in which they used the word ?Queer? made me cringe.  Queer was, evidently, a bad thing. 

Thus began a life of homophobia.  I?m sure that?s how it starts and how it ends in a lot of cases.  People just not understanding others or appreciating others for who they are.  Thank GOD for the scene!  I?ve not only lost my homophobia, but I gratefully accept the friendship of my TG friends (and appreciate them for putting up with me!). *grin* 

Having topped a boy who likes to crossdress ? I can understand the draw.  I originally enjoyed the ?humiliation play?... but darn if a lot of subbie guys LIKED to wear women?s clothes! hehe That kinda deflated me.  But there?s still something to pulling down a boy?s panties, pulling him across my lap, and spanking his little butt that makes my day happy. :)

 ?Come to the edge,,? he said.

They said, ?We are afraid.?

?Come to the edge,? he said.

They came.  He pushed them.  And they flew.

?Apollinaiare

I wanted to take a moment to send my love out to two people in the scene who I don't know, but who need prayers and positive energy.

Big Bruce is a dom out of San Diego who is dying from a terminal disease.  He won't be with us much longer, and his friends are rallying around him in his last few days.  I don't know Big Bruce, but they say he is the ultimate child/jokester.  He means a lot to a very dear friend of mine - and so he means a lot to me as well.  My prayers are with you, Bruce.

Dan, from Houston, was caught in a freak accident last week on the freeway and nearly died.  His condition is still touch and go, but he also needs support.  God bless you, Dan, and I send love to you and your family. 

DTX