DominaCeleste

Oy! I can't believe I haven't written anything to all you sexy kinksters in so long! Why didn't anybody tell me! Holy cow!

Well, I finally got out of the crappy apartment and moved into The Historic Delano District. It's kind of the artsy fartsy area of Wichita. There's lots of hip little coffee shops, boutiques, antique stores, galleries and so on. I love it here. My new place is an Arts and Crafts cottage. There's a ton of them here in Delano.

My new place is kind of big, especially considering the tiny apartment I came from! I even have room for a studio. Oh! That's right. I don't think I've mentioned it, but I'm an artist. YAY! I work with a lot of different mediums; paint, paper sculpting, clay, yarn, cardboard, metal, whatever makes my heart jump at the time.

So, I'm still on the search for "that boy." I am in talks now with one from the West coast that looks promising... but so many have looked that way before. I'm keeping my hopes high on this one. He seems like he could be a lot of fun.

And speaking of fun, I've been searching for a new kink. I've looked all over the internet and although I've found a few new ones, they were completely repulsive to me (literally slicing the skin off a slave's ass, literally slicing off a slave's cock, he thought I would be honored by this. What!?! piercing a slaves ball sac with a 60d nail, look it up, you'll be stunned).

So, what about it, kinksters? What's your favorite (non-gross me out, which means no kids, animals, blood, scat or dead things) kink? 

So I just looked it up and realized I haven't written anything for all you little servants in quite awhile. Autumn is in full swing here. On Wednesday it was 88 and the very next day it only got to 52. Welcome to the Kansas Weird Weather season. The temps will be like that well into November... and I love it! 

The trees are all changing color and shedding their Summer uniforms, preparing to snooze the Winter away. The smell of the woods this time of year just knocks me out!

I'm still in search of that "perfect boy." Yes, yes, I realize there is no such thing, but a lady can hope. Right?

Any of you that think you meet the requirements pop me off a mssg. Make sure to add a face picture so I can see who it is that has written me. Again, if you're from out of the country you probably won't get a reply. (Yes, I know. Some of you still feel the need to try. Good luck with that.) Also if you're out of state I'll be less likely to reply to you as well.

So, for now, have a great day all you little kinksters!

Thank you to all of you who have written to ask if I was OK after the insanely huge amount of tornados that ripped through Kansas last night. I heard one report there were over 90! Luckily we didn't get hit; although, we caught the edge of one that came through Wichita & we had to hide out in the bathroom (the only interior room in the apartment).

We went driving around this morning to look at the devastation... It's pretty bad. Many people are not being allowed back to their homes because, well, basically the homes are no longer there. Many roads are closed and it's difficult to get around. The cops are directing traffic all across the city because of downed power lines and power outages. 

Here's a link to our local paper and some pictures they posted. I am not close to any of the places in the pictures. Like I said, we got lucky.

http://www.kansas.com/2012/04/14/22963397/storms-over-kansas.html 

Again, thank you all for your concern.

So all you adorable little slaves and subbies and nubes and others who have written to wish me well are just so sweet! I've had offers of slaves to come cross country to take care of me and my life during my convalescence, I've had well wishers, flowers sent and all kinds of little gifts from my wish list. 

I'm doing much better and almost back to normal... well, how I was before. I've never really been "normal." LOL

I've been enjoying the hell out of the Spring weather, the trees turning green and all the flowers starting to pop up here and there. I also went in and had a SUPER relaxing pedicure and will be posting pix in the next day or so. It reminded me how much I really need to pamper myself because ... well... because I deserve it!

I want all of you to know the reason it's taking Me awhile to get back to you is that I'm recovering from a collapsed lung. As the doctor said, "It was touch and go there for awhile," but I am home from the hospital (Thank the Greatest Goddess!) and recovering nicely. I will get back to each of you as soon as I can, so just be patient.

It seems that many members are quite unhappy with the number of fake, phony, greedy, horrid people there are on this site. I understand and sympathize with all of you who have had dealings with "pro Dommes."  Sadly, almost all of them who claim to be professionals are nothing more than greedy females who know nothing of the heart or soul of a slave, much less that of a real Dominant Woman. They are all looking for that fast buck. 

I don’t blame them, hell if slaves wanted to lavish me with gifts and cash and pay my bills I sure wouldn’t stop them! 

The problem comes when they try to hide who they are. If this is what they are looking for why can’t they just put it in their profiles? As I understand there is a complete fetish of “money slaves” and “human ATMs”; although, I rather believe this sub-category (no pun intended) to be as elusive as a real life fire breathing dragon. 

Many tops have the belief that their time is much more important than a slave’s time. I agree when a slave is owned, but until then the slave time is as important and precious as the top’s. Either way, everyone Tops and slaves alike, should state their needs and expectations right up front. (Mine aren’t posted yet because I’m still sorting it out. LOL Oh, decisions, decisions!)

I have been on here since 2008 and I don't know any more now than I did back when I first signed on how to avoid those kinds of parasites. If you come up with a great answer, by all means, drop me a note and let me share it with everyone!

I don't in any way mean to insult the TRUE professional Dominant Women out there. There are a ton of great ladies who can bring you into the life style, they can fulfill all kinds of delicious fantasies (and the really good ones can tell you if those fantasies should stay in your head) and offer wonderful play sessions. I was professional for awhile and I had some really great little slaves that I worked with. Some loved me, some only worshiped me. I was close to each and every one of them. I am still in contact with a rare few of them. So if you choose to see a professional, then GOOD! Make sure to communicate your expectations, her limitions, pricing, timing and anything else you may be concerned about. If she isn't forthcoming then you need to find a different lady. 

And that's my little tirade on professional dominatrixes.

Slavery

Slavery is not about suffering, it’s about service. 

Slavery is not about humiliation, it’s about humility. 

Slavery is not about pain, it’s about being present. 

Slavery is not about being used, it’s about being of use. 

Slavery is not about about control, it’s about letting go. 

Slavery is not about what is done to you, it’s about what you do for others. 

Slavery is not about abuse, it’s about acceptance. 

Slavery is not about proving anything, it’s about being real.

Slavery is not about contempt, it’s about respect.

Slavery is not about how you look, it’s about how much you care.

Slavery is not about bondage, it’s about being open.

Slavery is not about punishment, it’s about discipline.

Slavery is not about being unable to escape, it’s about being committed.

Slavery is not about submission, it’s about obedience.

Slavery is not about fear, it’s about trust.

Slavery is not about sex, it’s about love.

Slavery is not about pleasure, it’s about happiness.

~ Unknown

So, what do you think of that?

I've deleted 14 messages today just because they were not accompanied by a face picture of the slave involved. Why can't these men, who claim to be obedient and paying attention to detail, not follow one little command?

~frustrated~

There you are. So obedient. So pliable. So longing to be trained. So yearning to serve. So far away from where I live! There are so many wonderful slaves out there and you all need to understand that long distant relationships rarely, if ever, work out. 

Far too many of you take it personally when I write back and tell you “Sorry, I want someone closer.” It has nothing to do with you, your profile, your pictures, your kinks or anything else except distance. 

Now, I can already hear you saying it, “I will relocate,” or “I will come visit.” That’s all good and fine BUT... You wouldn’t dare relocate unless you knew for certain I am the Owner you long to submit to. And that takes TIME. Lots of time. Just as in vanilla life you wouldn’t move in with someone you’ve only dated a short time, you wouldn’t submit to an Owner if you’ve only explored things for a short time.

As far as visiting goes, again, all good and fine, but I am not prepared to turn my life upside down for you while you visit for a few days. It’s nothing against you personally, it’s just I don’t believe anything will come of a 2 or 3 day visit with limited time together.

So, please, if you are far from Wichita and feel the need to write me, that’s fine. Just don’t be hurt when I write back and tell you no, or even worse, when I don’t write back at all.

TAKING THE NEXT STEP

Many times, once we’ve finally figure out what it is we want, we find it is difficult for us to take the next step in reaching our goals. I’m assuming here that you KNOW what the next step is but you’re having trouble making yourself take that leap. Today I’m going to write about a very specific block and john, in Pennsylvania, you know this one is for you.

Being in the lifestyle, many of us have faced the very difficult challenged of either staying in or coming out of the dungeon, so to speak. Because BDSM involves such deep intimacy we find it nearly impossible to talk about with our vanilla friends and family. And that’s OK! Our family, in particular, have no need of knowing what we do behind closed doors. In fact, for the most part they REALLY don’t want to know. 

We may be holding ourselves back from taking the next step to our happiness because we are concerned with our family (children specifically) finding out. It doesn’t have to be that way. We should always take precautions so our children do not become exposed to our lifestyle, but we shouldn’t let it hold us back. 

The fear of our children finding out can keep us from taking the next step that will lead us into the joy we have so long fantasized about. When our children are older and not living at home it is much easier to keep all this from them. Set up a well thought out plan on how you are going to make sure your private life stays private. 

Perhaps you have or can purchase a locked closet, chest or armoire that you can keep all your toys and accoutrements hidden away.

Perhaps you can get a private cell phone so there are no calls coming to the house number. 

Set up a special email, Facebook page, Twitter account or whatever other social media you use.

Always make sure you know your children’s schedules. When will they be around and when will they be gone? Schedule time with around that.

And (this is really for you, john) make sure you keep your partner informed of what is going on, including what is going on in your mind. Tell him about your fears and allow him to take away your worries. 

Remember your promise & keep me posted!

SLAVE PSYCHOLOGY: LONG TERM BONDAGE AND HELPLESSNESS

I was recently chatting with a slave about his longing to be bound and left completely helpless for an extended period of time. Bondage has all kinds of psychology behind it, the simplest being the longing to give over the control of their mind, body and (perhaps) soul to another person.

Many times the need to be bound comes from wanting help getting to that place slaves love and call sub space. Sub space is created through pain. When a slave is participating in any kind of pain play endorphins are released in the brain zipping through the body, giving the slaves a euphoric feeling and the illusion nothing exists except the Domina, the slave and his sensations.

My first question to this slave was: “What are you considering a ‘long time’?” He didn’t come up with a specified amount of time saying as long as it takes for him to feel helpless. This struck a cord with me making me think about the reasons slaves need what they need.

The longing to feel/be completely helpless is a common one that crosses the gender and age barriers making slaves of all kinds enjoy, no, love this activity. But it's only the first half of the whole. The second half reveals the deeper need the man, not the slave feels. Once a slave is left helpless there is an implication the slave is in need of being “rescued.” Here, the Woman and not the Domina is the one to come to his (eventual) rescue. The longing for a woman to come to his aid, to release him, to comfort and protect him is the basis behind this need.I would wager slaves with this fantasy had an absentee mother when they were children. At the very least they longed for more attention from their mothers for what ever reason.

I offered this explanation to the slave I had been chatting with and sure enough, his mother had passed away when he was only 5 years old. How does this explanation hold up? If you long for this kind of bondage and this rings true with you, or not, drop me a note and let me know.

UPDATE: I just heard from a slave who LOVES LTB (Long Term Bondage) and loves his mom! (I LOVE hearing that!) He also let me know he was one of 9 (!) siblings. My theory holds true. Cool!

Well here I am again... putting my opinions out there for your reading pleasure. I have a few things to discuss with you all: Your Profile, Writing the Domina a Note and Letting me Know What you Want.

Your Profile... This is the first impression you have to offer a potential owner (or slave depending on who you are). To make sure you are making the best impression possible re-read it SLOWLY (several times usually) and correct all your typos, use the spell check to make any corrections that might be needed, and make sure the words express exactly what you are trying to say. 

Make sure you fill out EVERYTHING that is asked of you. Tick off every box that is appropriate, fill in ALL blanks and answer in FULL and complete sentences.

Profiles that are thrown together quickly and filled with errors that make it hard to understand make it look like you are a lazy slave who will be difficult to train and control. It makes it appear that you don't care about yourself or the art of being a slave (or sub, or Domina or whatever). 

If you don't have the time to do it well, save it for another time. I promise, it makes a huge difference.

Writing the Domina... So you've gotten the nerve to actually sit down and write me. Excellent. Before you start slapping letters on the screen, stop and think about  the impression you want to make and the message you want to provide. The impression, of course, should be along the lines of being submissiveness, curios, and willingness. 

The message itself should show your interest, what it is you are seeking from the Domina and/or what you {think} you have to offer her. Again, use the little tricks listed above from your profile to make sure you grab her attention and make her want to write you back. 

Remember, she gets many messages in a day and you want yours to stand out by having meaning to her, being well written and easy to understand.

What Do you Want... If there is a topic you would like to know my opinions on then drop me a note & I'll see if I can get around to it. If you have a question you would me to answer in my journal you may send it to me in a message andI will answer it **IF** A) It's a worthy topic I can actually write something about B) Could be helpful for others to know and C) Is a serious inquiry. I will answer them as I see fit.

A NEW BEGINNING

So here I am again, starting all over. I’ve been on Collar Me for 4 years and I STILL haven’t found what I’m looking for. 

In all fairness to this wonderful site, what I am NOW looking for is quite different from what I was looking for in the past. For those of you who are fans of my journal (Thanks for reading and welcome back!)you are in for a brand new ride. I’ve had an experience that has sincerely changed me. It also changed what I’m searching for.

The Experience

I met a man on a vanilla dating site. Out of the blue he sent me a mssg asking if I would  be interested in BDSM play with a submissive man who has no experience. Of course, I jumped all over that! LOL 

We met for dinner, which turned into after dinner coffee, then midnight snacks then a very seriously delicious make out session. Now, for those of you who know, you know I’m not one to easily swoon over a man, but he was different. I liked him so much I invited him back for an all nighter of pain, humiliation and fun.

It was his first time of serious real life action but I didn’t hold back. I gave him everything I could think of. Here are the things this man did that really just blew me away:

He knew how to give a kiss as well as take one.

He tangled his fingers in my hair just right.

He was completely masculine in public.

He was perfectly submissive in private.

When he had reached his limit of pain he literally reached out and clung to me for strength.

He made me want to fuck. 

The Lesson

I’ve never had a slave even come close to making me want him sexually. This is a complete  180 from the way I viewed slaves in the past. I am now in search of something that is probably even more rare to find than what I was looking for in the past. I’m searching for a man who is sexually appealing to me and wanting to submit to me as my slave. I have no name for this... A slave lover? I don’t know. 

For what it’s worth, there it is.

UPDATE ON THIS LAST POST: It's now January 2014 and guess what! I haven't even come close to finding this. I look back on this experience most fondly, but pretty much certain that it was a once in a life time deal that I should hold dear and move on from. I no longer believe I will find a slave like this.