DomeBreaker

Keep looking. I was the person you described and I married someone I thought who would respect it, but in fact she bucked and rebelled against it.  To find what you want takes maturity and consistency and most importantly being open.  The person you want isn't going to be perfect nor fit into a romance novel.  The balance is not to push away people quickly but also not give people too many chances either.  Sadly, most people give all the chances to the destructive people and drop the healthy person at the first mistake.  That alone will keep you away from finding the right person...you probably sent him away 10x over the years because he didn't fit the mold or could see your side and alter his approach.

advise to a sub...

I just lectured a sub that I am working with on judging the Dom and false expectations. In our household I make the decisions (male) for the day to day living.  That doesn't mean I will be right 100% of the time and it also doesn't mean that when I am wrong you hold up a sign that says "see you are unfit, you made a mistake".  No man is going to be right 100% of the time. What should be looked at is the decisions in the context of the whole relationship.  Just as a CEO is not judged for each daily event, a Dom should not be judged either.   Most subs are selfish, childish people who are so afraid to submit, they wouldn't know quality if they found it.  They simply go from "chat partner" to "chat partner" until they find this mythical Dom who says all the right things.  A real human isn't going to say ALL the right things.  Only people good at scamming and conning others can do that.  Then when the sub gets "scammed" or "used" they come on here and whine about it. 

Dom's are people and are going to make mistakes too. Sometimes it's just a mistake, sometimes it's not out of knowing you well enough.  The sub wants the Dom to be infallible and it's just not reality. 

Most subs are scared and are looking for a way out. As soon as the Dom makes a "mistake" (which is viewed by the sub as not knowing exactly what their mental state is at any time and saying something that crosses some invisible "line") then the sub runs away, usually by logging off and never speaking to the person again.  This common pattern is one that is very hurtful and destructive. 

People are not here to be used for your excitement until they do something that scares you or isn't exactly on point.  If you are going to lay back and say "use me as your sub" then you have no right to judge every small action of the Dom. Domination should be taken as a whole and not critiqued during the process and at any point one action that you do not see as "perfect" is help up as why this dom is "unfit" for you.

Much like an employer would not fire every employee just because a single incident happened, the sub should not "fire" the Dom just because during a very intimate session the Dom doesn't know every single hot button both good or bad for the sub. 

What should be judged is if the Dom is taking an interest in you, trying to understand your particular kinks and is the Dom willing to adjust based on your sensitivities.  Are you willing to give back the same courtesy?  If you have that and leave, then you are just being a child by judging every action as an independent moment in time to be isolated and used to judge the whole experience.