Bopping around the vanilla sites, looking for a unicorn; I am very up-front with our intent (although quite polite, to be sure). I only send entreaties to women specifically listed as "bi."

 

More than once, I have drifted down a conversational rabbit-hole, one which disjoints my brain and confounds my funny bone. Several times, I have gotten the reply, "Sorry, I don't have sex outside a relationship," at which point I say, "No problem, thanks for the reply. Just out of curiosity: how many relationships have you had with women?"

 

Responses to that question are not often forthcoming. So we are left to deduct one of several possibilities:

 

- These women do not consider girl-on-girl sex to be sex. This redefining of terms might come as a shock to all lesbians on the planet, who consider themselves to be having sex pretty frequently.

 

- These women are engaging in some false advertising. Who knows for what purpose.

 

- These women meant to add the word "now" to the end of that first reply.

Any way it's sliced, that descriptor and reply make for a duplicitous combination. So those that have taken offense to the request have nobody else to blame, really.

 

 

Other definition problems:

 

- There are many, many people who go for BBWs; there is an entire fetish and whole genres dedicated to that very tribe. The members of this clan really do themselves a disservice by picking screennames that use "little" (and it's various derivatives, including the odious "lil'"), "tiny," "wee," or "mini." You're going to confuse the ones looking for you, and attract the ones that aren't.

 

- Another thing with the "Little," in another kink context....I am not exactly sure if it's set to mean ageplay, extreme age play, family play, infantilism, or what...but it's offputting to those of us not in the know. It would help if you specified what you were looking for, in your profile.

 

- I know this is the most unfair, double-standardized, hypocritical stance anyone can take, ever...but some kinks creep me out. They just do, and always will. But, in all fairness, I am sure there are plenty of people creeped out by what I like, so I try not to judge the person by the act. And it's very helpful to eliminate potential candidates based on fatal flaws. If you have a diaper, I quite simply do not want to see it, or you.

 

- There are kinks that exist that I am unware of, to the point I didn't even know they had names. You kids with your Intercyberwebnets...you don't know how lucky you are, to have these resources at your disposal, this easy access to an entire world of kinksters...it allows you to craft whole practices from the populations of likeminded people, and assign these practices new names. You don't have any idea how very, very cool that is. Those of us who are so old we remember having to stumble through the process of "learning" what was and was not available (or even had a nomenclature) are extremely jealous of you.

Chemistry and First Meet - The SubHunt

 

 

These are some social and safety rules I recently sent to a prospective sub; my partner mentioned that they might be worth sharing here. That's a good idea; she's very smart.

 

 

Let’s talk about the first meeting...chemistry is a big part of playtime, and it can't really be forced: either you click with someone, or you don't. That might not even be a factor of initial attraction: there are plenty of times someone is pretty or handsome, but their personality is just not what you get into. That's all right. It happens. More often than not, actually.

 

So when my partner and I meet a prospective sub for the first time, there are a few things that need to be understood:

 

1) It's totally just a conversation meeting. It will be in a public place, and no physical contact will transpire. No sex or contact will happen that day, that night, or in the encounter. It's strictly to get together in person, talk, and see if the chemistry exists.

 

2) If any one of us decides that the chemistry is just not right, for any reason or no reason at all, then we agree to say so in a follow-up electronic message. We can then part ways in friendly fashion, and nobody will be overly hurt or sad.

 

3) We will meet in a public place. The sub will make sure to tell someone they trust that they are going out on a date, and to expect a phone call at a specific time (say, 90 minutes after the time we schedule to meet). The sub will give this person a sealed envelope with my real name and phone number in it. If the sub doesn’t call this friend at the agreed time, the friend is to open the envelope and contact law enforcement. If the sub calls this person and gives them an agreed-upon code word for “help,” the friend is to contact law enforcement. I know this might seem a bit ridiculous, but the sub’s safety is paramount. We are playing with stylized violence, and adding a sexual component makes people do weird things. The sub has to be completely sure they are safe and secure. Use this method on your first meeting with any dom. Shit, do it with any first date, for that matter.

 

4) If you have any requirements at all that might make you feel more relaxed and comfortable meeting us, just say the word. Tension and excitement and anxiety are good-- outright fear is not. We want to meet you...we don’t want you to be so intimidated that you bail on us.

 

5) Ask about absolutely anything at all you want. If there’s something we’re not comfortable sharing, we’ll let you know.

 

 

Also, another sub gave me some other suggestions for smart sub behavior for the First Meet; I want to share those, too:

 

- Use a credit card to buy gas or something else nearby the meeting place, right before the meeting.

 

- Use a credit card --not cash-- to pay for your own drink.

 

- Make sure you pass in full view of a security camera either inside the meeting place or nearby.

 

- Talk to a trusted, close friend about what you're into, who you might be meeting with, and how you're going to approach it. Use a good blend of discretion and desire for personal safety when deciding what and who to expose; don't take unnecessary risks.