Collarspace.com - The Largest BDSM Community on the Planet

The Largest BDSM Community on the Planet

Horizontal Line
Vertical Line deborah123
Lesbian Female Switch, 37,  Kent, United Kingdom
Horizontal Line

Horizontal Line

deborah123

Horizontal Line

Friends:
amazoniaMissTKittenNaughty1SwitchSIRsoutheastAnge1ica
MsJayEmme

Vertical Line

Hi, Anyone living in the REAL world out there..... hello....!! yes, there are real people on this site as well!
Happily in a relationship, so not looking for anything here, other than to chat to people I already know, and to plug my munch. I host the Canterbury munch, which is the last Saturday of every month, so if you are in Kent, come and say hi. xxxxx

Username:

Description:

City:

Country:

Height:

Age:

Sexuality:

Ethnicity:

Joined:

 deborah123

 Female Switch

 Kent 

 United Kingdom

 5' 7"

 37

 Lesbian

 Caucasian

 10/05/09

 

Actively Seeking:

Friends

 Lives For:

 Cooking (Expert)

 Intellectual Discourse

 Poetry

 Writing

 Loves:

 Fine Dining

 Dancing

 Walking

 Photography

 Singing

 Philosophy

 Psychology

 Americana

 Blues

 Likes:

 Art Galleries

 Coffee Shops

 Movies

 Museums

 Travel

 Camping

 Hiking

 Meditation

 History

 Polyamory

 Country Music

 Folk Music

 Dislikes:

 Lifestyle BDSM

 Catholicism

 Hates:

 Gambling

 Hunting

 Horror Movies

Horizontal Line

Journal Entries:
8/14/2013 11:21:44 PM

Love is in the air..  and my air for a change.  feeling relaxed, and happy :-)


7/26/2013 6:27:27 AM

All happy and Zen... watch out world, from here on, it's daily sunshine vomits :-)


3/17/2013 3:36:07 AM

yuk.. hate being ill!


1/14/2013 12:40:47 PM

Collarme (fake) oscars !

yes... we need them.

The talent keeps coming. every day, the dedicated actors create their works of fiction, and I think it's time, we all give them some credit for the sheer entertainment value.

come on, admit it, many of us real people here now find it more enthusing than the TV.

 

Suggested categories:

Most intricate fiction writing

Most galling use of partners pictures

Most ridiculously lazy cover story

Most unintentional comical portrayal of a Domme 

Best excuse for deferring phone contact

Best actress... (Most elegantly appealing profile)

Best actor... (carrying it through)

prizes will be an actual date with a real person. not me!! lol..


1/5/2013 3:18:53 PM

Need some tlc.. to bury myself into some caring arms to heal.


1/5/2013 1:38:23 AM

well, looks like i'm single. :-(


12/16/2012 4:02:38 PM

why do they call this the 'holidays'????? I've been going two flipping days now... loads to do still.. it's 10pm, Im shattered, yet I've got to wrap tons of things, dress a tree, and write 30 cards out. Holiday?? I'm off to the dentist tomorrow for a fun break, and some me time.


12/1/2012 5:05:02 PM

I need some therapy... THAT kind of therapy..


11/30/2012 7:48:07 PM

Wish  I could sleep. feeling so restless.


11/26/2012 2:18:41 PM

I need glasses. I really do soon. 'they' are all right. this week I have mixed up beef and lamb, duck and chicken.  ho hum lol..


11/9/2012 11:23:54 AM

I am truly a masochist. I must be, after a week of hard work, injuries, back, and neck pain, I actually feel happy and fullfilled lol..


11/6/2012 2:44:18 AM

Informed consent is closing... YAY! where's the Chablis...


10/31/2012 3:06:24 AM

Healthy dominance is a directional flow... it's using the wisdom you have learned, for the good of others. a healthy dominant respects those that are wiser, reverses the flow, and listens.


10/30/2012 1:55:36 PM

If my neck doesnt get any better, I may have to use my hitachi wand for the use it was actually made for. sick, I know.. sorry peeps lol..


10/29/2012 1:20:52 PM

been NAWTY.... skived off today.. but hey, lurve time is allowable under my self employment contract.. (smiles as I wrote it)


10/28/2012 12:04:14 AM

Great munch again last night, and wonderful to see so many newbies. makes it all worth it.


10/7/2012 7:15:13 AM

She's back... YAY... do I want the drama, and tough times again.. of course I do!!


10/6/2012 12:38:41 PM

feeling peace tonight. hope it lasts!


10/5/2012 2:34:47 AM

Such a strange mindspace. I know, in an odd way, loosing her has actually done me a favour. I hate to say that, but she, in 18 months, turn a happy go lucky, open, and poly liberal thinker into a bundle of fear.

 

I let her. my fault totally. I knew she was 50% bullshit, but, oh, those eyes. how they looked at me, and how they made me believe.

 

All the stress I have endured. and it's been HELL. when you drive on hour and a half to fall into the arms of the one you love, only to find she's been drinking, and just wants to vent her weeks rage on you (in the wrong way) you know what hell is. so many nights I begged and begged her to hit me physically instead. that I can take. that we would both enjoy.

 

But she did like that, as she was a REAL sadist. she wanted to hurt, and without even knowing she was doing it, chose her path each time. I nearly got there. but in reality, every carefully explained problem led to more problems created for me to explain.

 

For the past year or more, I have cut down my bdsm play to almost nothing, as I wanted her to be my centre, and to play with others wuld have denied her the chance to be that.

 

She is not well, and it hurt to think her mind will fade away. and it will, her family are destroying her, and she will let them.

 

So why, when I've left all these problems behind, it still hurts so much?


10/4/2012 1:36:36 PM

thats it I think. it's over. I've been a fool, and given my all to a player. it's half killed me.I blame myself for listening to lies, and forgiving them, thinking she was just scared.


9/20/2012 10:58:52 PM

fought hard, got her back, yet still other would not let us be. alone we were meant to be, but the pressure they exert has broken her, and I'm simply too weak to continue.


5/14/2012 3:11:21 AM
feeling utterly shattered. all I have fought for is gone in a moment. I don't think anything will ever feel the same again.

5/13/2012 7:45:02 AM

not a good day today. maybe have lost my angel. maybe have not. it's totally out of my control and I feel so helpless.  all I can really do is wait. I don't think I could ever let my heart be touched again.


4/8/2012 5:28:41 AM

Happy Easter everyone xxx


4/1/2012 1:36:25 PM

working too hard, not getting enough time with my angel. it makes me feel so isolated. I need some play. badly. and I know there is just no chance now for a long time. it's a burn that is tearing me to bits :-(


3/30/2012 9:51:19 AM

ohhh. injury time.. after weeks of hard work, I have a day kinda free (it's never really free lol) and yes, the back decides to start hurting. badly. I am determined to plant my gooseberry bushes, even if it kills me!


3/22/2012 11:52:49 PM

Well, time to update those profiles, as technically, I am a lesbian now.. (sounds really odd actually)  It's not lesbian as in 'man hater' sense, it's just my sexual preference, and how my life has turned out.

In reality it's never clear cut, but for me, although I am attracted to the elements of both women and men, it's a woman I simply cannot live without. luckily my caveman is there for me still, and I still platonically appreciate all his lovely ways.


3/22/2012 3:50:55 PM

work work work. where does all the fun time go? all the plans for the year, and it's now flying past my eyes at a rate of knots. a lost of things to do, places to go, people to see. I miss boredom. by god, it's a luxury.  if I win the lottery I'm going to try to be bored for a week or two.

missing my angel too. badly. only been 11 days, but it feels like doing hard time. we both get tense and cold. we BELONG in each other's arms, every day. forever.


3/17/2012 1:46:54 AM

A night's lost sleep. horrible. I hate arguments, and I hate being stressed. I seem to be the world's punchbag this week.


3/15/2012 12:12:11 AM

I need a gap year. I've decided. (shh, yes, I know I'm too old, so just homour me lol)  I have my writing, my fruit garden, my flat to finish, and so much relaxing to do. yes, I am totally worn out, physically and mentally. forget going to foreign places, my own home is a strange place I need to learn more about !!! 

 

 


3/8/2012 11:48:08 PM

get to see my angel this weekend. been 2 weeks, and it feels like a year. missing her so badly, and hope I can find myself again.


2/12/2012 3:00:28 PM

At a very low place today. maybe I will come back, I hope we do.


1/21/2012 1:32:14 AM
Feeling like a slave today... 3 tax returns.. letters.... invoices... washing... cleaning (ha ha only joking lol) parcels to send.... shopping to do... it's the WEEKEND ffs... all I want to do is chill with my angel...(clicks heels 3 times)

1/12/2012 5:08:02 AM

So, now, technically, I am in a poly quad.. sounds really weird... but also oddly empowering... in this difficult world, it's nice to know I'm part of a team. 

 

how will it turn out? god knows.. funny how going for it, actually comes also with a list of hurdles you never thought were there before. nothing we can't overcome, but things that now have to be considered.  it's about getting the priorities right, and all living for the things and people we care for, and care about. and not just all living for ourselves.

 

 

 


5/29/2011 11:11:53 PM

A fab weekend.. hosted my first ever munch, and it went very well...  feels like i've come full circle lol...


5/12/2011 10:15:34 PM

doing a big kinky summer of love campover for a pal's birthday..  should be awesome.. and my spanish angel is coming too.... I mean, how good can life get???

 

xxxx


5/1/2011 2:16:31 AM

wow...

 

had a great 24 hours with a very special person. chemistry that I have not felt for so long, or so strong. amazing.. think I am going to have a truly memorable summer.


4/26/2011 5:02:23 AM

ell, only a few days to go... and I dont mean the royal wedding..

 

cant wait to meet up... I have a feeling it's going to be fun..

 


4/12/2011 10:30:52 AM

got to start thinking about having some fun... some real fun.. but feeling so singular. not isolated, just singular. odd feeling.. maybe it will fade out. learned so much, so quickly, but I wonder if that's been a good thing. makes me question a lot. makes me want to not bother. but all I need to do is keep putting one fott in front of another, and see where the wind takes me next.


4/9/2011 1:58:27 PM

strength..

 

Is it showing weakness, or keeping it to yourself?

It feels safer retaining pain, but that can put up walls.

hmm..


2/21/2011 9:38:47 AM

some great new pics today.. thanks to mistress kent and her amazing little studio.

 

just wish I was not so ill!!

 


2/7/2011 1:21:24 AM

finally.. some settled time.. some thime to chill, and do some writing.. only taken two flippin months.

 

nice being wanted, but can be a right pain.

 

busy times coming up... double valentines, a birthday, maybe some more pics, three munches, a club, and loads more..  gonna be fun all the way.


1/29/2011 11:23:17 AM

Great time at the club last night.. my outfit looked cool, stylish, and sexy, and he looked nothing short of amazing. got to catch up with so many nice people I had not seen for ages.. and finally, after a good spell of topping 3 people, got some half decent down time myself... yay!!

 


1/23/2011 11:39:26 AM

five days to go, and hoping the club would be good. glad I relied on the right people... missing my new poly love.. and really wish she could come, but she is still way too vanilla to jump in the deep end like that.

sighs.. but still love her to bits.


1/19/2011 12:08:07 AM

new year.. new fun..

 

going to a playclub soon... ok, mostly topping, but gets me out there.

 

 


1/8/2011 3:19:13 AM

sighs..................................


1/2/2011 5:41:21 AM

Oh wow... my seximojo is well and truly back.. I just really really wish this new lass was more filthy, and kinky.. but now't wrong with a bit of vanilla luvin... the GREAT thing about being poly sex buddies is you are both still free to enjoy different kinds of connections.


12/31/2010 5:36:13 AM

all happy and squidgy.. had a lovely night with a vanilla lass, loving, caring, and gentle.. ok, not my normal thing, but utterly great. nice to know I havent lost my touch either!


12/27/2010 2:59:13 AM

not a bad christmas..

family were bearable, and not too dispersed. but still loads to see.... grrrr, when do I get my time lol!!!

Had some odd people from the past come out of the woodwork, people who I am spiritually related to, so some visiting to be done now.

 

Christmas could have been tough, as a former love is in town.. but this lucky cat has a new possible poly love interest, so each day has been filled with sweet messages,

and my former love now seems just a fun mistake...

 

 


12/17/2010 1:53:27 AM

fun fun fun...

 

it's white, cold, and not easy.... but it is christmas...

 

time to get ready for the margate munch, and it's awesome afterparty..

 

yay!!!


12/8/2010 2:35:46 AM

Today I am writing very deep, intense, slushy love stuff. I feel cynical about love at the moment, but a big bit of me can still feel it... an odd mixture indeed!! ... get me the sickbucket someone....... and then some tissues please. lol..

 


12/2/2010 1:32:55 AM

just about caught myself... three days of headspinning, just because she could not just leave me alone. sounds extreme, but when someone has got so deep into your head,

it takes a long long time to get them out.. and I was..

 

I may never know why she rang... maybe she just wanted to hear my voice. who knows,

but if she wants me, she knows where I am lol !!!

 

but she does not get it.... she can take time off, an fester, and rot, I CANT.. I have a busy life, and have to look after things, and make stuff happen.. taking a couple of days off when your upset is a luxury I do not have. in life sometimes we have roles, and you gotta work at them.

 

only me, only I could pick a woman like that...  and only me would even consider her still after all the head messing she has done.  but then she picked me maybe... who knows.

 

so I try to re-climb that ladder..


12/1/2010 7:13:13 AM

cant get back, I really cant.. I am falling, and just going through the motions of being ok..  I need a distraction.

 

 


11/29/2010 9:50:46 PM

one call...

thats all it took for me to spend a night weeping, and for my heart to be torn again. I told her SO CLEARLY how we had to go.. simple, it was clear she cannot build a close freindship with me, preferring to try to steal me from my primary partner.. and yet she will not take a small risk with a poly setup

so I asked her to leave me be, and let me get on with my life now, and I TOLD her I would no longer lean on her, or ask anything from her

the last few weeks have been very hard, as I am working through it all on my own, and finding a way through. I am managing it, despite being very busy. I do not have the luxury of dropping out. I have to put smiles on, and be there for my people. so all she had to do, was get on with her life (as I asked her) and to not worry.

simple??

no. she calls me... what for I do not know.. but I do know she does nothing without motive. sound harsh, but it is the reality of our situation

ok, so if she NOW wants me, for either love/friendship/company then she should just spell it out. but no, I get a run down of her failed conquests, and her telling me she is sad... its easy for her to re-invent. being single means she can meet successive people, and just see what happens.. for me though........being poly, is very hard, and any (honest) new connection, takes a long time to nurture. so healing fun nsa sex for me is a luxury I do not have

I still really feel for her.. you always do..  but I feel annoyed she has rubbed my nose in it. I put all my feelings out in front of her to walk over, and I just wanted her to walk away, so I can put them back with dignity. I had the respect for her to be utterly honest and upfront, I was prepared to work VERY hard to make her the centre of my life, and she knew damn well I could, and knows great it could have been

 

so why the hell cant she just be honest with me now?.. It's all very flattering knowing she really wanted me (as a single person)  but that fact is actually not nice to know.. like saying here's one million pounds, but you can only look at it. yuk... bloody yuk.

 

 

 


11/28/2010 1:15:15 PM

overall not a bad ten days, some low points, but a lot of headspace straightened out.. i've had some new pics done, and lost my fear of posting my pics again, been to polyday, seen new depth in a poly pal, and seen her take another important step on her journey, re-connected with another person I really missed, reminded myself how good it is to flog someone (and how good I am at it lol) did a striptease in a pub, had a slowkiss with my pal.. and thats not counting my normal mad job..  
so cant grumble.. life is there in the little cracks. where it leaves my submission, I don't know, but I can see me finding it again.. soon I prey..


11/25/2010 12:32:21 PM

feeling really low after letting another fake in... not on this site, but on another site.. all looked
so convincing, and I wasted so much time..

dont they see just how much it hurts people? and dont they see that sometimes people cant always take that kind of crap??

there needs to be a change in the law, there really does.


11/24/2010 12:30:43 AM

well thats it....
3 days out in the cold, with a cold is enough..  all my joints hurt, and I feel like death warmed up!
tonight I am going home, and spending 4 days at home, writing, and doing home based stuff.
the minions will have to get by with out me lol....
kept promising myself to go part time this winter, but keep putting it off.. at this rate I would
have still been working full time till march!
can't wait to get back to my story. he he...


11/20/2010 2:50:50 PM

 has really enjoyed polyday.... very informative, and good to re-energise with like minded folk.....and the pansexual caberet.... well, it blew us away.... flipping amazing..


11/19/2010 4:43:29 PM

now a little more motivated.. did a little photo shoot with a good pal today.. and it's nice
to feel a little liberated and carefree again...

fuck it.. being open, honest and liberated may get you hurt every so often, but it's the best way to be..

looking forward to polyday now...


11/19/2010 12:28:20 AM

polyday tomorrow..
but somehow I cannot get motivated.. just find it hard to see trust in people.. but hey ho. so I drive to bristol with a heavy heart, and see what happens. I've got a good trusted sidekick to go with, and thats what matters.


11/15/2010 5:56:55 PM

god.. how things can flip in a few seconds.. durng sex tonight, he suddenly had pains and numbness down one side of his body..

after asking advice.. ended up in a and e.. very scary.. he still has numbness, and is weak, but
its most probably trapped nerves or bad circulation.

very scary though.. when your 'big' man is stopped..

glad he's ok, time to give him a big cuddle..


11/14/2010 12:57:58 AM

no hot water for 2 days.. ok, it's no longer funny..  it's all my fault too. as I am the fool who decided
to renovate this place.  I just hope after all the careful design, all the hassle, all the burns, all the flood, that tonight, when we switch it all on, it will actually work.

if it does not.. hmm, time to abandon ship to somebody who has hot water...


11/12/2010 1:45:45 AM

http://imakeawesome.co.uk/polyday/



well people, you don't need to dress like a hippy, faunicate, or pierce your genitals..
(ok, but if you do, it does help)

polyday is next weekend !!!!


11/7/2010 1:49:05 AM

ok, so time to move things on... keep it light, keep it fun.. concentrate on the physical things I wanted, rather than trying to enter into some amazing poly love story..

it could have worked, but I am happy now, know that I gave it my best shot..  taking risks gets you hurt, and that's life. I think now she may stay in my life, but just as a mate. that way niether of us has a sense of loss.

got a flipping busy life, and got to keep thing going.. my book is at 237,000 words, and I need to get it done.. it's taken two years.  but it's only 3/4 done, and until it is done, a bit of my mind will not be free...  the good thing about fiction, is that it can have a happy ending..  this love story has developed next to my own real ones, and at least the fiction I can control..lol...


11/6/2010 6:11:32 PM

and another fake, the usual, silly excuses, for not wanting to phone or cam, and a cut and paste varification pic, that looks like something out of a secondary school..

can these guys just go to a frigging bar or something..

 'his' name.   madamemira2

could have really done without that tonight.. f**king people.

xxx


11/6/2010 7:56:26 AM

just watching a film where an older anjelica huston plays a wicked witch...

god she's yummy.. and so hot in black...


11/5/2010 5:46:55 PM

jesus.. I do my best to let it go, and tune my mind into thinking it was all her being free and easy..  so I tell her I see that, and wish her well, then she calls me, to say it was not..  so all my intuition was spot on.. but no happy ending..   she still will not rake a risk with poly.. I mean, I love writing about tortured love stories, but I really have not got the stomach to play one out anymore..


11/2/2010 1:46:22 PM

falling down now, and need to stop myself thinking.. if there is a sane female dominant out there
who likes beating people black and blue, feel free to say hi. I need to wipe my mind out for a while.


10/30/2010 6:48:20 AM

Half a league, half a league onward, all in the valley of death rode the six hundred..

ok, it's not the valley of death, but it is a valley I am driving into... into the valley of hurt..and I ain't got six hundred..... just me...why I am doing it?, I just don't know..

I need to face her, I need to throw the dice, and see what comes out. I know it is probably all lost, and maybe it's the closure I want more than anything.. but I said that three weeks ago, and look what happened. I felt a love and connection so strong I did not want to let it go..... there are a hundred reasons to walk away forever, yet one or two so strong ones to fight on.

love and understanding.

never before have I had three so perfectly balanced emotions. anger, despair, and love.

If I walk away it will be a loss, but also a freedom. finally after almost a year, my mind will be open again. when you let a dominant into your life at the wrong time, it can be something that holds you too firm.. and the truth is, she was the person who opened me up.. she was the person who took my hand, and guided me long before I really got what d/s was about. she was the first person I ever trusted, and it was not about play, it was about real life care.

so as I drive into that valley, for that night out, I do not know how it will go, she may do a perfect dodge, and not meet us all for that party... she may try to be brutally insensitive, and careless... that would make me annoyed, or she may try to be sensitive.. but I feel I no longer trust her care.... or like before, we may both just feel that attraction, and the chemistry. but the thing we now both know, is that she lives in the moment, and I live for the future.

so will I drive out on sunday emtionally wounded, free, or in love??

What is a little weird, Is the simple fact that feeling these feelings, makes my blood flow, and makes me feel so alive.

a thrill????    maybe..

there's a good saying, "it ain't thrilling if there ain't a real chance of gettin proper hurt"

well, if you stop doing things for fear of getting hurt, you miss out... simple...

So I go in... with a smile, and my dignity..


10/27/2010 4:47:47 AM

Half a league, half a league,
    Half a league onward,
All in the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.

well that's going to saturday.... but just me..
going to a party, and 'she' will be there.

will we have a row??
will I get upset??
will she get upset??
will we end up in bed again??
will we find another way??
will I end up in someone else's bed??

who cares...

you throw the dice, and they always land somewhere.
but if you get too scared to throw the dice,
that's when you stop living.


10/22/2010 1:48:26 AM

feeling really crap.. If I couldn't cut loose with my special person, I wonder If i can with anybody.. who knows. I feel like giving in on everything, and just living alone..


10/17/2010 11:53:40 AM

fairy tales end.. this time after five days.. last time she messed with my head, it was only five hours. she deeply wants me, yet does not accept my poly side, and the fact I already have a partner. she has done poly, yet wont accept it with me..

so she takes a little, and rejects me when she had had what she wants.. lovely eh..


10/10/2010 10:03:45 AM
is enjoying pure magic. mind blowing. fairy god mothers do exist, stuff....she's just spent a soft beautiful night listening to the heartbeat of a woman she utterly adores. and who at one stage she thought she had lost forever.

10/8/2010 5:38:04 AM
well, despite not getting a lot of kink in lately, at least my poly love is blossoming. really getting on well with a lovely woman, who is nothing but great, stable, and dependable. maybe can I turn her.. mwah ha ha

10/6/2010 10:24:34 PM
Another bloody fake, another little lump of wasted time, and another knock to the spirit. really didn't need that right now.

10/4/2010 12:05:23 PM
After all that running around, bossing my little team around, I really could do with some time out.
I know it's my path to help, lead, and guide people. but I cant help the sweet rift that forms in my soul. the need to give myself up, and let that control go for a change.

but being strong, and having many like you for that, (even those on the scene) makes you feel guilty, and bad for wanting time out. so I just want to sneak off, and explore my 'secret garden'   (sighs..)

9/26/2010 10:47:53 PM
really cool. how writing heals me.. 5000-6000 words this weekend, and it feels good. the flow, the care you can put in, the intensity, and the love.

i am glad my special person is better. I may never see her again now, but does it matter? maybe we were just meant to brush for a few years, and move away. mixed feelings. in some ways I am lucky we did, but in other ways, I wonder if i will ever find that intensity of feeling again. who knows.

the hardest thing in the world is re-building a friendship after you have been intimate with someone.. in some ways, you will always be intimate with them..


9/25/2010 11:39:44 PM
still not untied.. I flit over things, and get on with my life. a real shame, but a good way to move on.   I do have a life, it is busy, interesting, and very very full. too full maybe.

but it is nice stopping, and making the clock hands wait. to look inside myself, and reflow my energies.

not this lass. on I go.

friendship? its a myth. I care so little for it now. I treat it as an entertainment, and enjoy what I have, but nobody can be really be depended on, so why waste the effort?

a bit of me has died again, it may come back, who knows.

at least my.... special one is better. time for her to fly, and get her life back. one less worry.

9/7/2010 10:53:24 PM
Pent up....

I hate being this way.. its not sexual, but its emotional. I have had to be strong, and focus for weeks now. done it, fine, no trouble, in fact I have surprised myself how well I have handled things.

but I need to come down to my normal self, I am becoming an island again. I feel I dont want anything, or want to show my fragile side to anybody.

after a few false starts, I am now wary of letting that side be shown. I am careful, I am cautious.

I dont trust the scene anymore, and a scene friend has asked me for some great play, but I want something that is a secret. my time away. something everybody else does not see, and judge me by.

lets hope the next couple of weeks untie me a little.

8/30/2010 3:19:41 AM
back to basics..

loosing one's bdsm 'mojo' has not been fun. but the core reason? I was with people who did not inspire me. people who had done too much, and took it for granted, and people who had lost the core reasons.. and who used it to replace real intimacy.

a restart. my 'core' is love and intimacy. that starts with simple conversation, and liking someone, having fun together as pals, and grows into cuddles, sex, bonding and THEN bdsm.

if you miss some out, it can all collapse. so just met a lovely new lass, who wants to grow from day one too.

mojo is returning.

8/25/2010 4:04:47 PM
missing her fab nan, who passed away this morning, what a lovely dignified woman. gonna miss you in my life, but thankful of all the time we had xxx

8/24/2010 9:02:08 AM
been a right month.. my ability to withstand people who are selfish, insensitive, and thoughtless is diminished. not good, as thats three people I have given 'honest' words to, and three people I have fell out with. i'll all patch up no doubt. but with my nan poorly, I don't really have the space to allow such people walk over me.. roll on sept!!

8/17/2010 1:05:52 AM
a weird few days... I wrote this for her, to tell her my feelings:

I came to you as a leaf, and you held me in your tender hands and protected me, now I know your hands are open. I hope I find another pair of hands that are as caring as yours are. maybe I will, maybe I wont, maybe I will stay on a stormy breeze forever. but I wish I could have stayed forever.

love is there. and true love lives past the ups and downs of life, and is unconditional.

8/11/2010 6:11:56 AM
despite all the fun I seem to be having, I still really miss her. its like a bit of me may never return. she holds that bit of me still.
I don't want to call her and say I need her, that's silly. I wish I had gone down to see her at the weekend now.

8/7/2010 7:24:49 AM

trust.. such an important thing with people, but oh, how fast it can be broken, and how upsetting the results can be.


8/1/2010 1:19:47 AM
wow, managed to let go, have a laugh, and some really debauched fun.. can't beat a hangover and a dirty smile.

7/23/2010 2:15:58 PM
had a very busy positive week, but missing her a lot now. will I ever find that same feeling?

7/21/2010 2:41:43 PM
now I know I enjoy some pain, in fact, a fair bit... but on top of my bad back, I have caught tonsilitus, and the drugs they gave me, have made my tummy sore... all this would have been fine, if it was not for the whiplash from a car accident today.... still smiling, but PLEASE, PLEASE no more pain/injuries/illness !!!!

7/14/2010 7:55:08 AM
 wow, someone who read one of my kink stories, has described it as 'exquisite'.... now there's a compliment!!

7/12/2010 10:12:13 AM
so after 12 days of tiring myself out, I put the brakes on, and skived off work, great being my own boss... and I had every intention of resting, recharging, and doing housework, like a sensible lass... but instead, a red haired gaint led me astray. how nice to be so random..xx

7/6/2010 12:27:07 AM
went to my first pride on sat, and being miss sensible, stayed sober, helped the injured drunk out, and tried to make everybody happy and calm despite all the drama. bloody shame, as I REALLY fancied going wild myself! darn.

6/23/2010 5:58:36 AM
God, all this mutual strength, love and care I am finding in life is really nice, and I would never turn my back on the way I live now, but sometimes.

well, I just want a lovely sexually dominant woman to sweep me off my feet, and totally control me, and blow my mind...

(sighs...)

1/23/2010 8:05:39 AM
done all my partnership returns for the first time... feels great.... all high tech me....

1/23/2010 2:20:57 AM
well, things are getting better, maybe one day the community will be free of the tiny minority who do not understand we all have to abide by the law at all times..

well, ok, little things get bent...

1/21/2010 9:03:44 AM
is having a crappy day, dealing with police, and nasty stuff........

1/20/2010 11:11:07 AM
bushed after a 500 mile train journey today.

1/17/2010 7:31:35 AM
is now totally relaxed, that's offical....

nope, nothing else matters, but watching abba videos....

1/16/2010 11:00:47 AM
ahh, enjoying time off in scotland with mi pal.....

great!

1/15/2010 1:12:14 AM
on my way to scotland for a week to see my mate....... its gonna be great!

1/13/2010 1:22:56 PM
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh,

well this cat is really happy tonight.

yet a teensy bit sad.

my car has sold, to a german!

a shame to see it leave the country,
but never mind.

i'll miss 'the major'

1/11/2010 5:48:13 AM
some people are so mind bogglingly stupid.

some fool has put a profile on, calling all subs 'loosers'

yeah right.

I take it all she wants is a looser to play with........

well, thats all she'll ever get!

1/6/2010 3:31:18 AM
goofing is fab,

ok, ive got tax work to sort out....

but it's nice just doing housework, and tiding up....

must concentrate.... back to the tax work....

1/1/2010 2:33:31 AM
ohhhhhh,

what a night,

relaxed, and in good company.

I dont usually 'do' the lgbt scene, but it was lovely, nice people, and I felt safe enough to
have a little wiggle on the dance floor.

lovely lovely lovely.

12/31/2009 10:08:32 AM
well,
happy new year to everyone, wishing you all a great 2010!!!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx hugs xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

12/27/2009 2:17:55 PM
ahhh, family.

five generations. thats five lots of petty arguments, grudges, and silliness.

and silly cow here is the sensible one, who treats them all fairly, and makes the effort to see all of them.

and thios cow is honest, and tries to use homour to diffuse the little niggles.

which means five-six days of visiting, listening to it. its been lovely, but UN training has been required.

think they are happier.

they are all lovely, by why, oh why cant they just all meet up together at once, and get on....

love em'.....




12/25/2009 3:39:05 AM
well,

merry chrismas everyone......

have a great day.....

so far, it's ruddy wonderful!!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

12/22/2009 2:47:49 PM
two really tough s**tty days..

everything went wrong, and the icing on the cake was driving 40 mile home in ice, only to have forgotten my house keys! at least the ice was fun to drive in.(again)

ahhh, makes finishing work all the more sweeter......

suffering is good for the soul... so that's why me soul is so strong today......




12/22/2009 2:14:43 AM
some people on here just have no manners.
what the hell was he talking about????

i'm, rather annoyed,

So I quote him:

"I replied to your earlier 'conning' profile - my apologies for being taken in by yet another scam on here
Hopefully you'll die but probably not - I could care less
zzzzzzzzzzzzzz - how sad are you con merchants and scammers"

either a massive misunderstanding somewhere, or a deranged nutter.

either way, such nastiness is totally uncalled for.

he wouldnt say that if we were face to face.


12/21/2009 1:45:57 PM
karma...

it has been flowing lately.

but today, getting out of london was a real ordeal,
everything seemed to go wrong.

but were back, in one piece.


"whatever bad things life throws at you, there are choices you have in dealing with it. and you always have them, its not a bad event, just a junction, where you have to decide how you deal with it. so even though bad things happen, you are the one in control still, it may not seem it, but you can still choose who helps you, all you have to do is not panic, and make a decision"


not bad for a monday night...................






12/20/2009 2:11:17 PM
I am so, so, so lucky.

I have a massive family.

they reproduce like rabbits, and seem to live forever.

five generations.... impressive ehh..


but why, why, why do they all mostly despise each other??

that means four days of visiting. four days darn it.

why muct I be the nice one, who takes time for all of them, and treats them all equally, and equally nice.

why.

being nice to people sucks sometimes.

but, its christmas.

time for love, and peace. and seeing everyone.





12/19/2009 2:57:02 AM
ohhhhh..

it so on, christmas is happenin.....

was worried about money, but on fri some cheques got paid in, and all is just peachy.

my roof on my house is ok, and wont need 1000s to put right.


god, can it get any better???

time to go out, and do that shopping....

and if anyone asks me 'what are you doing for christmas'

what a silly question....

everybody sits around, doing bugger all, getting fat.

i'm going to say i'm cycling around venice.

that should shut them up......

12/18/2009 12:34:53 AM
its cold people!

finding my swing, but missing the 2 stone extra I had last year.

ok,ok, i have slightly increased my diet to include some fat.... god, aint it lovely!

it seems chrimbo is on, over two thousand finally arrived in cheques yesterday, so cinderella can pay the business mortgage.

yippee., might be enough left over for some......... er......peanuts!

12/16/2009 2:31:22 AM
hi please, no chat requests,

mail me only please.

xx

12/15/2009 12:27:54 PM
god.

I hate technology. well, ok, when it does not work.
the farmer next door 'accidently' shot the work phone lines out. (dont laugh)

so we've been without landline. and broadband ...no mobile signal, apart from on top of a van really useful that in this cold.............

so, took laptop to work, with donglie modem thing. no signal also, de-iced and jump started my car, and drove 4 miles to get signal to send email. and battery is not working in it. 

took 5 hours to re-charge.......and guess what...... by then the BT man had fixed it.

the moral of the story?? stay in bed till march.

its now so cold, my vinegar blood is starting to freeze!

12/14/2009 1:55:10 PM
my poor flash has 'mayn' flu.....


shit, thats bad.

gotta give him a big o'l bucket of lurve, to make him all strong and handsome again.

12/12/2009 8:33:38 AM
really tired today,

did'nt sleep. a lot of back pain last night.
thought i'd gotten rid of it, but it is winter.

and missing a freind I lost.

12/11/2009 11:42:24 AM

I did something really silly tonight, daydreaming, I missed my motorway junction, and zoomed 12 miles in the wrong direction.

hmm, i've only taken the turning 2-300 times in the past 4 years.

ok, I was really tired, after driving 6 hours non-stop.

funny though!



12/9/2009 1:59:49 PM
oh, it so nice to come home after a hard two days work, get clean, have some nice food, and chill.

aint nothing better...

deb out zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

12/6/2009 5:31:33 AM

got another couple of hours done on my story yeasterday.

it is strange, but i'm finding very nasty sexual stuff really difficult to write.
but, the worst is nearly over. 

the word count is 62,000 !! god, this may top 100,000.

I dont want to skimp, the horrors that the victim(s) have gone through, have to turn into and outcome that is loving, and caring.

that going to take some careful crafting. its all in my head, its just taking the time for descriptives, and plot outcome.

cant wait.


12/4/2009 9:13:11 AM
today,

I have re-connected with my writing. my long term story 'failure to return' is now 50,000 words.

its getting tense, and a nasty sex scene is just about to happen. the buildup is done, that has taken three hours, and now the door opens!!

poor Claire !!

god I love writing.

Vertical Line

Vertical Line

Copyright © 2022 Collarspace.com and VSpin.net  
18 U.S.C. 2257 Record-Keeping Compliance Statement

Vertical Line



DMCA |  Privacy |  Spam |  Support |  Dir | TOS

Horizontal Line

Horizontal Line
Horizontal Line