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| Hello.....i have been away from CollarMe and have not searched for about 4 years now. Nor have i been in a D/s relationship. i signed back in to see what is happening in the collarme world.
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i thought i should add a quick note to my journal. As Men are very visual, i thought i had better mention that i got my hair cut a week ago. Since i dont have a Master to guide me, i took it upon myself to get it cut. Plus a little pressure from my friends and family since i turn the big 50 this year! It is to my shoulders now. After this years Renaissance faire i will post a new picture. |
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Antisapating nothing less than wonderful things for this year. Striving to make a positive difference in others lives. Smiling, laughing, enjoying life. |
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With the beginning of a New and exciting year Alas....i have decided to finally update my profile. Everyone i have met on here has been so kind.
Our search to find the One/one is a weary one indeed. Or at least is has been for me. Having been recently (3 months ago)decieved and lied to severly with one on collarme.
*taking a deep breath...picking my heart off the ground...holding it in my hands. Waiting...searching...longing.....to find Him,to humbly and gently place my heart in His hands. Loving Him and only Him. Giving Him my ALL. Forever He will love and protect me.
my intention is simply to share more about myself. So... i have chosen to copy/paste my words, my thoughts, i have shared through written messages. i hope not to upset Anyone in doing this.
i was married for 28 years. vanilla. i have been divorced for 5+. i have 2 wonderful children. Both grown and married. And2 beautiful grandchildren. i have lived all my life in Ohio with the exception of 3+ years. Of which i lived in Fl. Was in 2 D/s relationships when there. 2 different experiences.Both of which i learned more of myself. While there, i fell in LOVE with the ocean!! Sooo powerful and strong, yet soft and tranquil. Just so beautiful to me! i truely dream of living there again someday. i just returned home last Dec 13th. Went back to work.... i am a part time waitress.
Also i find it important to mention that i smoke. i drink a little. i love morning and evening coffee. i love music/ all kinds. i love to dance slow/fast. i would love to take dance lessons. i love to dine out, travel, theater, camping/fishing/boating, bingo, casinos, shooting pool, playing cards/poker,renaissance faires, festivals,flea markets, shopping,i love my family, i enjoy being feminine, im open to new and adventurous things, i love ice cream and chocolate, i hate chat rooms.
my desire is simple....
To love and to be loved
i need to love Him, Adore Him, cherish Him, worship Him, make Him happy and comfortble, make all things pleasing to Him and for Him. Serving, pleasing and obeying Him with all my heart has to offer Him. He will teach me all He desires of me. And i will listen and learn with my mind and heart.Thoughts of Him consume me in all i do. Needing for Him to know that Dominace is 99% mental. Needing to look into His eyes...needing to feel that look....needing to taste His look. Needing to feel His strength...His tenderness. Needing to feel bound, with no ropes. Needing to tremble at the thought of disappointing Him. Needing to know and feel His correctiveness. Needing to believe His word is honorable and aways good. Needing to give my All. All that i know to give to Him. my heart aches to Dance this Dance together that only a Master and His slave know of. The Dance of Love.
So beautiful, so sweet, so deep.
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MASTER
A Beautiful Thought out Plan of Life
Deep Passionate Love
Sweet Hot Desires
Everlasting as One
Strong Beliefs....Believing
which is why i love Him so
Believing in Him.
Believing in my slavery
Searching my core of being a woman....
DEEPLY....
For hours...
For days...
For weeks, months....
For years.
me....a slave
Heart and Mind
Giving ALL...
Such a small 3 letter word
ALL ALL ALL
Deep thoughts of the true meaning
Loving
Learning
Believing
In my MASTER.
In my slavery |
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His presence.
His look.....
His voice.....
His eyes.....
His touch...
His smell....
His Love
There is Heart
There is Honor
There is ONE
Believing
Free
At last
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True Submissive?True Slave?
How does one understand and know of which she is? Her heart? Her mind? Her thoughts? Her life? Is it a natural? How does one come to a conclussion to lable herself submissive or slave when One asks? Can anawakening truely occur? Can one start knowing she is a submissive, and grow for the longings and cravings of being a slave? To be owned? Property? No choice of anything for the rest of her life? Trusting in One and only One.
i have believed for a long time that i was a submissive/subserviant. This is what i was taught and this is what i believed. As time passed...i felt incomplete...unfullfilled. my soul cried for more. Feeling desperate day after day. Beating my head against the wall. Tears flowing painfully throughout the days nights. Growing pains? Quiet desperation? Confusing darkness
i believe i have lived in quiet desperation for quite some time now. Trying to live a submissive life, yet with a slaves heart and soul. i believe this to be the truth. Do i understand what slavery is all about. The book facts? The rules? No...i do not. This is what i do know. i have taken a deep look within myself. Searching for answers. i didnt have to look deep at all. What i know are right on the surface of my being.
i need to be loved
i need to be owned.
i need to be controled
i need to serve.
i need to please.
i need to be pleasing.
i need to be taught.
i need not to have any rights.
i need to give my all.
i need for my all to be recieved.
i need my MASTER.
i believe in myself
i believe in slavery
i believe in my MASTER
i believe this Love between Master and slave is....
Strong...
Deep.
A Love that most dont even know exsists.
Am i a submissive?
Am i a slave?
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Most of all...
Believing in HIM |
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Hearing His words....
Feeling His words....
"Believing" His words.
Always and forever |
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This is the first time i have posted here. And i'm very happy to do so. As, a very special One has entered my life, and i His, and i am now under concideration of Him. i am humbled by this alone. i will dedicate all my attention towards Him with full honor of my word and with great respect. i will not not be answering or reading any messages sent to me. He has my attention 110%. |
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| Age: 26 |
| Uxbridge,
United Kingdom |
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