| |
|
|
Home |
|
|
|
|
Browse |
|
|
|
|
|
Live |
|
|
|
|
Join |
|
Collarspace |
|
|
|
|
Dating |
|
|
|
|
News |
|
|
|
|
Glossary |
|
|
|
|
Mobile |
|
|
|
|
Alt |
|
|
|
|
Safety |
|
|
|
|
Toys |
|
|
|
|
Live BDSM |
|
|
|
|
Resources |
|
|
|
|
Welcome |
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Login |
|
|
 |
|
 | |
|
|
|
|
Male Switch, 46, Orange County, California
|
Female Dominant, 40, ont
|
Male Submissive, 32, san diego, California
| | |
|
| Back |
| KPM |
| Directory |
| Interests |
|
|
|
|  | |
|
|
|
|
|
| |
About CuriousSwitch79
NO I WILL NOT RELOCATE. THOSE LOOKING FOR A LIVE IN PARTNER DO NOT BOTHER
Calling me sexy or saying you want to fuck me is going to get you trolled. You have been warned
H
Hello and welcome to my profile. If you're still reading after those first two statements we might just be compatible. I decided to redo my profile so I could explain myself a little better.
I am looking for a dominant man to explore my submissive side with. I have a strong dominant side but it is ONLY with other women. I keep the two sides separate though.
If you are male, dominant, interested in and like women (sad I have to say this but some dominants definitely don't like women), white, and are willing to help me explore my submissive side for the pleasure of all involved please contact me. I have a few limits that can not be pushed. If they are must haves for you there isn't really a point in us talking further.
My limits are: Anal (it is prone to tearing and infection, in the interest of my health I do not do it), heavy choking, knife, needle and fire play, piss play, scat, children, and animals. Yes long list but I prefer to be honest.
I work two jobs and I'm in school full time so no I can not travel to you. If you live in or come to my area often we would likely be a good match, as long as you fit the criteria listed above.
PS-
I don't have many physical qualities that attract me but one that DOES NOT is baldness. You are welcome to style yourself however you please but that particular style turns me off.
No submissive men. Period. |
|
|
|
|
| Submissives! Please read this! |
Feb 2, 2013 2:50 pm
0 Views |
by Norische
Within this lifestyle there are unfortunately many dangers, there are people out there using the BDSM lifestyle as a way to abuse or use individuals under an umbrella of acceptance. Within each situation there are warning signs that we see, unfortunately sometimes we do not see these warning signs until it is too late. There are many people that say they are a Dominant are not, instead they are users, abusers, predators, wannabees, bullies, and manipulators. This article is designed to help people understand what a warning sign or red flag is, and hopefully prevent someone from getting hurt.
Some people think that just because they have read all the books and watched all the movies that they are instant Dominants; Instant Dominant…Just Add Water, and Shake Well. Just because he or she has a few floggers doesn’t mean they know how to use them or that they are a Dominant of any form. Just because someone orders you around or attempts to control your life doesn’t mean they are a Dominant. Being a Dominant is a menagerie of infinite strengths and weaknesses combined together with all the normal human mediocrities. It takes a lifetime of learning and growing to be a Dominant, and those that believe otherwise may not have a true grasp of the concept. Even as one is able to claim the title of Dominant, Master, Mistress, Lord, or Lady, God or Goddess, one is still learning, the learning is a never ending road that allows us to travel into the exciting and new dimensions of this adventure called BDSM.
As a Dominant myself I have come to understand that every Dominant does things in a different manner, and that just because what they do is different from what I do, it doesn’t make what they do wrong, it just makes it different. However there is a difference between just being different and being dangerous.
If someone submits to you because they fear you, then you are a bully not a Dominant.
If someone submits to you because you give him or her expensive presents then you are a pimp not a Dominant.
If someone submits to you because you threaten to leave or abandon him or her if they refuse then you are a manipulator, not a Dominant.
If someone submits to you because you wont leave him or her alone if they don’t then you are a predator not a Dominant.
If someone submits to you because you will beat him or her if they don’t then you are an abuser not a Dominant.
There are far too many individuals out there in today’s society that manipulate, abuse, use, and lie to others in an effort to gain their service and respect. There are a lot of warning signs and although we tend not to see them unless in retrospect here are a few. Read each one carefully and answer honestly, when you have finished go back and look at the questions and the way you answered them.
* Does the Dominant use expensive gifts to get you to do something you honestly don’t want to do?
* Does the Dominant restrict you from having friends over or going over to see your friends?
* Does the Dominant threaten to leave you whenever you tell him or her that you don’t want to do something?
* Does the Dominant make you feel guilty if you can’t or wont do something?
* Does the Dominant restrict you from contact with your family?
* Does the Dominant get upset with you when you try and talk about the problems you are having?
* Does the Dominant ever make you feel as if you are not good enough or that you can be easily replaced?
* Does the Dominant ignore your medical or physical needs (this does not include the inability to see to these needs due to financial dificulties)?
* Have you caught the Dominant in a lie?
* Have you lost or gained an excessive amount of weight since being with the Dominant (this does not include intended weight loss or gain)?
* Does the Dominant make you feel bad if you question him or her?
* Does the Dominant make fun of or belittle your religious beliefs?
* Does the Dominant give you reason to question his or her honesty?
* Does the Dominant go away for long periods of time with no explanation and refuse to discuss it with you or get angered when you ask?
* Does the Dominant make you feel ugly or unwanted?
* Does the Dominant attempt to force you to do things that make you feel uncomfortable?
* Have you ever felt dirty or cheap after being with your Dominant?
* Does the Dominant drink to excess or too frequently?
* Have you ever felt like the Dominant is hiding something important?
* Has the Dominant ever hit you in anger?
* Does the Dominant ever tell you not to talk to others about your relationship?
* Does the Dominant restrict you from speaking with his or her past slaves or submissives?
* Have you ever been afraid to discuss something with the Dominant?
* Has the Dominant ever threatened you or became enraged when you tell him or her no?
* Has the Dominant ever given your services away without consulting you or without your consent?
* Has the Dominant ever brought another individual into the relationship without consulting you or without your consent?
* Does the Dominant demand to know your ware bouts at all times and still checks up on you?
* Have others told you that you should be careful or expressed concern about the Dominant and your well being?
* Has the Dominant ever talked bad about you to another Dominant?
* Has the Dominant ever said that others are out to get him or her?
* Have you ever felt like you were raped after having sex with your Dominant?
* When you have questioned the Dominant has he or she ever said that they don’t have to defend themselves against lies?
* Has the dominant ever mad you do something that you were physically or emotionally unable to do?
* Since you have been with the Dominant have you experienced an abnormal amount of depression or anxiety?
* Since you have been with the Dominant have you thought about committing suicide?
* Does the Dominant make you feel that your opinion does not matter?
* Does the Dominant punish you without explaining why?
* Does the Dominant ignore your needs?
* Does the Dominant express jealousy whenever you mention other Dominants or past relationships?
* Does the Dominant take all your money and refuse to give you enough to cover your basic needs?
* Does the Dominant participate in illegal actions, including the use of illegal drugs?
* Have you ever second-guessed your decision to be in the relationship?
* Has the Dominant ever questioned your loyalty when you question his or her behavior?
* Has the Dominant ever knowingly let you go without necessary medical attention or medication?
* Have you ever felt lonely even in the presence of your Dominant?
* Does the Dominant punish you publicly or in front of others?
* Has the Dominant ever refused to speak about his or her past?
* Does your Dominant ignore limits or safety words?
These questions are designed to range in type and severity, so look at each one carefully, and remember that everything is relative. If the Dominant has made you feel guilty one time because you were being nosey this is not necessarily a red flag or a warning sign. If every time you ask a question you are belittled and yelled at then yes that would be what I would consider a red flag. Look at the combination of answers, did you answer yes to those concerning control and discipline, if so do you think that the degree of control or discipline is unacceptable, specifically is it something that you did not consent to?
Some questions must be answered carefully, like for instance if one of your fantasies is to be raped and you have ever had sex with the Dominant and were left feeling as if you had been raped then this is not necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes a Dominant will do something that others may consider wrong, and do it for all the right reasons, for example…every time you go over to your Mother’s house she ends up yelling at you and getting you very upset, she never treats you with respect and you always end up depressed or mad when you go over there, because of this your Dominant will not allow you to go see your Mother. This is not an attempt to hurt you; it is an attempt to protect you and should not be viewed in a negative manner. The same thing goes for friends, are your friends hurting you or using you, do they take advantage of your submissive nature? Then it is only proper that your Dominant would restrict you from being around their negative influences.
Basically you need to follow these simple steps.
1. Go through the list and answer each question honestly.
2. Go back though and look at each question that was answered YES.
3. Was the behavior a one-time incident? If you answer yes, make a note of what brought on the incident and discuss it with your Dominant. If no, perhaps you should ask someone outside the relationship for his or her opinion.
4. Was the behavior within your area of consent, by this I mean, did you consent to be treated in this manner, for example did you consent to the fact that you may be given away to another Dominant as a possibility within the relationship. If the answer is yes then you should pass over that specific question or answer it as no instead. If you did not consent then perhaps you and the Dominant need to talk about what you understand are the limits, boundaries, and structures of the relationship.
5. What was the motivation behind the behavior? If the behavior was done out of carelessness or done unintentionally then I would suggest talking to the Dominant and letting him or her know how the behavior effected you. If the behavior was done out of anger or malice then perhaps you need to reevaluate the arrangements you currently have in your relationship.
6. Are there extenuating circumstances surrounding the behavior? Has there been an unusual amount of stress within the Dominant’s life, perhaps illness, or financial problems? If yes then perhaps you need to talk the circumstances over with the Dominant and maybe listen too, sometimes stress gets unintentionally passes on to those we care about, and we don’t even realize it. If no then perhaps you need to ask the Dominant why they behaved in such a manner.
7. Go back through your answers and look at them again. Using common sense do you think there is a pattern there? Are you being treated in a manner you did not consent to? Are you being used or manipulated?
I created this article in a hope that people in abusive relationships would come to realize the difference between consensual servitude and abuse. No one deserves to be mistreated; unfortunately sometimes an individual doesn’t realize that they are, or that they have any alternative. Everyone has the right to be treated in a manner that they feel comfortable with and that they knowingly consented to.
I do not take credit for this very timely article but I felt the need to share. Please take this into consideration when considering a dominant for a relationship! |
|
|
| |
| |
|
|
To those of you who keep sending me rather interesting messages and calling me a n****r let me give you the definition of it. It is a person of ANY race who is regarded as contemptible,inferior, and ignorant. So you are not commenting on my race by attempting to insult me with this word and you are proving yourself to be what you just attempted to call me. Good job, are you proud of yourself? |
| |
| |
|
|
How to find a real Dom(me)
I really can’t tell you how to find a Dominant, but I can give advice on what to look for in a good Dominant.
- Respectful. Dear, Lord, there are some people who assume being Dominant gives one an excuse to be an asshole. A good Dominant willnever demand the obedience of a submissive they’ve just met. A submissive does not have to obey everyone. Respect, like submission, is earned, and a good Dominant will understand that. (Rule of thumb for Dominants: Approach a submissive as you would any man or woman you would approach in real life. Would you call someone you’ve just met a slut and demand for them to suck on your cock and address you as Master or Mistress? Thought not. Have some class.)
- Patience. You’re new to the lifestyle. You don’t want to rush into things. (Dear, God, pleasepleasepleasedon’trushintothings.) So a person who understands and respects your pace is worth keeping around. I had once agreed to meet a Dominant over some coffee under the condition that there was to be no play the first time around. No more than ten minutes in, he urges me to come back to his place. I promptly thanked him for the coffee and left. The thirsty asshat. I said no play.
- Experience and willingness to learn. Sad, but true. Not to disparage Dominants who are new to the lifestyle or anything, but experience is important. An experienced Dominant will use and honor the use of a safe word. An experienced Dominant will know how to correctly tie someone up. An experienced Dominant will know how to properly handle a flogger. An experienced Dominant will do his or her best to understand you as a submissive and will do everything in their power to ensure that all play activities and you are kept safe. Good Dominants will at least go out of their way to learn from or get advice from more experienced Dominants.
- Humility. If he or she is 20 and calls themselves “Master” or “Mistress” and brags about having “trained” lots of submissives, a small red flag should go up.
- Ability to listen. It pisses me off to no end how many Dominants can’t listen or follow directions. I don’t see D/s as a pro-de-quo relationship, but if a Dominant doesn’t have enough respect for me to adhere to a simple request, especially when we are getting to know one another, I’m out. On , I ask that a friendly, introductory message be accompanied with a friend request. Countless Dominants have ignored that one, simple rule, and countless friend requests have gone to the trash bin. He or she should be attentive and be good listeners.
- Honest and Communicative. Communication is paramount in a D/s bond. The Dominant should be comfortable voicing his or her opinions, needs, wants, concerns, and inquiries. Open communication is vital to satisfying both parties.
- Compatibility. He or she’s a sadist, but you don’t have masochistic yearnings. They’re into poly, but you’re not into sharing. You want something more casual, but they want a permanent 24/7 Master/slave relationship. Compatibility is more than just kinks.
- Fun. BDSM should be fun. Play should be fun. Your Dominant should be fun.
The list could go on and on, and apologies if my answer is a bit brief and vague, but honestly, trust your gut. Ask for someone else’s two cents—this is just my input. Really, if you’re a submissive on , the Dominants will come to you. You won’t need to find someone. You’ll just have the responsibility to weed out the fakes and pick the ones you find worthy to associate yourself with and possibly get to know better. Just because you’re new and submissive doesn’t mean you have to cut yourself short when finding a partner. Good luck and stay safe :) |
| |
| |
|
|
Am I or am I not a Sub?
I am not a service sub, nor will I be a slave. I will not make a drink for you when you come home because you want me to. I will not do chores because you have ordered me to. I will not undertake any task because you tell me I must. I will not call you Master or Sir because you command it. I will not allow you to make decisions for me. You will not tell me what to wear. You will not order my food. You will not tell me what I need. I know what I need. I am a whole person, in control of myself, and I take ownership of my past, present, and future. You will never control my life, or my destiny. I will challenge you every step of the way.
However, if you open doors for me, I will curtsey and bow my head to you, and ask you what you desire. If you show me affection my heart will melt and a simple touch will turn me into putty. If you care for who I am and your actions show it I will give to you more than I can express. If you ask me, I will make a drink for you and it would bring me great joy to serve it to you. If you share with me life’s everyday challenges I will do what you ask because we are partners. If I feel I am important in your life, you will be equally important in mine. If you respect me, I will respect you. If my heart is cared for and nurtured, love will grow and flourish. I have everything to give, body, heart, and soul.
If I feel cared for and cherished, I will let you take my body, heart and soul. I will give you my trust and make myself vulnerable. I will let you control me as you take me in your grasp. I will submit to your mind and your touch. I will surrender to what you want and accept what you have to give. I will embrace the challenges you throw at me.
If I am your Queen, you will be my King, my Lord, my Master.
|
| |
| |
|
|
Found this on Tumblr of all places but was surprised how much I agreed with it.
checklist for sending me a message on CollarMe
- unattractive
- vastly overestimates own attractiveness
- sexless marriage/”wife doesn’t understand”
Honestly, I’m having a really hard time thinking of ways someone can serve me when I don’t want him to touch me. Feet can be okay in some aspects. But I don’t want intimate physical contact. Most submissives seem to expect that, or feel entitled to it, even at the first session. I don’t know why men would think that it’s sexually arousing to make skin-to-skin contact with them in that context. I don’t want to touch a sub’s dick, either, not even to torture it.
I really never conceived of that as a limit of mine until a few weeks ago. It never occurred to me how much revulsion I feel at the thought of an unattractive stranger touching me.
I guess I can see why they think it’s automatic: almost all of femdom videos online have the sub eating her ass, or kissing her legs, or helping her get off in some way.
Some men might like that I feel repulsed, but for most, I would think that would be borderline traumatizing. They make themselves vulnerable to me, and I want nothing to do with their bodies. I wouldn’t be able to take that rejection, and I shouldn’t expect someone else to. In cases where we’ve conversed, and then I see his picture and am super turned off, I need to figure out a graceful way to inform him that I’m no longer interested, while trying not to be hurtful.
Maybe I’m just in a really cranky, mean mood. I could also just be an awful person. |
| |
| |
|
|
Because I Said So and other bull shit
Most dominants who read this will likely want to ring my neck, but this is my journal and anyone who doesn't like it can get over it.
I have a problem with a certain phrase, though I suppose problem is too strong a word for it but I can't think of another one right now so it'll have to do.
When I hear because I said so, it honestly makes me a little peeved. Who exactly do you think you are that you can say that to another adult and they are supposed blithely do whatever you said. Everyone here is an adult, or says they are, so what is wrong with having a reason behind a command.
Even as children we ask why something must be done a certain way and a good parent or authority figure explains, so that the child doesn't just take their word for it. "Don't touch the stove." "Why?" "Because I said so." Child goes off and touches the stove anyway, albeit covertly and finds out that its hot and shouldn't have touched it. That is a major difference than telling the child "Its hot and will hurt you if you touch it." Doesn't have to be a long and drawn out explanation on the science behind heat and why your skin isn't going to like it. But it is an explanation.
This lifestyle has so many nuances and different kinds of people that asking questions should be welcome, whether someone is new or old, especially when they have met someone new and are trying to forge a bond with them. Telling someone that they should do something just because you want them to doesn't build trust, which is a fundamental requirement for anyone but especially for someone in this lifestyle.
That's not to say that people who have built trust in each other can't make a command and expect it to be heeded without question, but that comes with time. Not a few emails and poof, do whatever I say.
There is my little rant/epiphany for today. Done and done. |
| |
| |
|
|
You're not a Dom. You're an asshole.
I've been in, out and around the scene for longer than I care to say. I've watched interactions between fetishists, Doms, subs, tops, bottoms and everything in between. I've felt the urge to write about this particular pet annoyance of mine for some time. I've read other peoples comments and journals, but I thought I would add my two cents as well.
Keep in mind a lot of this is generalisations and I'm not talking about anyone in particular, this is just a common theme I've noticed and sadly it appears to be increasing.
There are some spectacularly great Doms out there, they are good people who have great attitudes to this lifestyle and are committed to ensuring everyone has the best possible time in the safest possible way.
The problem I see a lot of is the asshole. I'm not going to call them an asshole Dom, just an asshole. They would like to consider themselves as Doms but in reality they're far from it. This post is about getting to know your asshole. In a manner of speaking. It's also a bit of a rant. So sue me :)
The guys I speak of are the ones who will prey on these types:
1) someone who is emotionally vulnerable or insecure. The asshole is a master of manipulation and knows how to draw someone into their clutches, promising them the world and delivering nothing more than more emotional instability and pain.
2) the Newbie. An asshole can smell a newbie from across a continent. They will leap in and convince this person that they are a God of Domination, they know all there is to know, the newbie must bow before them and subs/slaves have no rights, do as I say or be punished etc etc etc
Both of these types are easy pickings for the asshole. The vulnerable can be manipulated (which the asshole relishes as a challenge in itself, it's a power play for them) and the newbie can know no better in some instances than what the asshole tells them.
Not all people who are emotionally vulnerable or newbies fall prey to the asshole. Many are smarter than that. In which case the asshole will either ignore them and move on immediately or pretend friendship temporarily while they wait for their next mark.
You can recognise the asshole at parties when they turn up. Many don't go to parties because they are recognised by others for what they are and don't do so well in public. But those who do are the arrogant assholes who insist you immediately bow before them if you have identified as a sub. They're the ones who will sit watching others and calculating who they can prey on. Or they will be overly friendly as they figure out the best way to quickly gain trust and move in for the kill. To them it's a game of command and conquer.
By the way assholes reading this, demanding a sub in a relationship to treat you the same as they treat their Dom is just plain rude. They have identified as sub with someone else, you have no right to expect them to behave that way with you and the sub has every right to tell you to go fuck yourself.
Online, real Doms don't expect a sub to play after a single email. They understand that trust has to built and earned. I've seen assholes force a newbie into a situation that left them bleeding, weeping, discarded and one step short of raped after only a brief email exchange. We've all heard horror stories where suspensions have gone terribly wrong from over confident and clueless assholes, where people have been left permanently disfigured and where the emotional damage has taken years to repair because of these situations.
Real Doms have respect for their subs or other play partners. Regardless of the type of play there is always respect and caring for the other person. I've seen some beautiful relationships with Doms and subs where the play has been severe yet afterwards there is obvious care and respect from both parties. Decisions are discussed beforehand, trust is built. If a sub chooses to become a full time slave and relinquish all control then that is a joint decision with a real Dom, not a forced occupation because it pleases and entertains an asshole for the moment.
Assholes have contempt, they don't care about the sub and are under the mistaken belief that treating them like a doormat is correct Dom behaviour. They will walk away after a play session leaving the sub wondering what had happened. The emotionally vulnerable will be willing to believe that the Dom cares because they crave that caring and are mildly enchanted. The newbie will think that this is how it is and that it's normal. It's not. You've been used. By an asshole.
This particular behaviour is exceptionally loathsome to me. Contempt for other people is contemptuous in itself. Everyone deserves respect. Even those who have chosen to enter a world of humiliation and subservience are still respected because their* wish to be part of that particular lifestyle is being respected. Respect by deliberately choosing to not respect. Deep huh?
Having respect for and trust in your partners is in my opinion an absolute key to any and all relationships. Be it a long term D/s relationship or a simple one night stand there has to be both respect and trust. The asshole is selfish, untrustworthy and lacks respect for their partner. The complete antitheses of a healthy relationship.
The asshole cares only for himself, only for his next conquest and only for seeing how far he can push another person to do his bidding. He will move on the moment he gets bored or finds something else more entertaining to him. He leaves a trail of destruction in his wake, physical and emotional. He leaves those behind hurt and wondering what they did to deserve such treatment, what the problem is with them. The answer is nothing, you just met an asshole. He's the problem.
Lets be honest, most of us at one time or another have moved on from relationships for boredom or other reasons as well. But it's the intent of the asshole, how they managed the relationship (promised the world, completely emotionally controlled the other person) and how they move on that is the issue. They discard their previous conquest with the same care as they would a tissue they had just finished masturbating into.
So, in summary:
If you're reading this and you're feeling emotionally vulnerable and being contacted by someone you're unsure of... just be cautious. Ask around to see what the persons reputation is. If they've been on here for a while then chances are they will have one.
If you're reading this and you're a newbie just remember: Any guy who expects or demands immediate play after an email or two is an asshole. Trust takes time. Respect must be earned. Try not to be so eager that you jump in to something that's going to make your first experience of the fetish world a bad one.
If you're reading this and nodding in agreement thank you :) If you're shaking your head thank you too. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and I respect yours as much as you should respect mine :)
If you're reading this, getting defensive and feel that it's aimed at you because you know me therefore it must be a personal attack... chill out. This isn't aimed at anyone in particular, these are general observations.
But if you are feeling that way... you're probably an asshole :P
|
| |
| |
|
|
| |
|
Male Submissive, 28, Mobile, Alabama
|
Female Submissive
|
Male Switch, 26, alberta
|
Male Submissive, 40, philadelphia, Pennsylvania
| | |
Male Switch, 22, riverside, California
|
Female Submissive, 31, Somewhere, Alabama
|
Female Dominant, 23, 59102, Montana
|
Male Submissive, 39, Toronto
| | |
Male Submissive, 32, Wichita, Kansas
|
Female Submissive, 41, West Broward, Florida
|
Male Submissive, 38, Breda
|
Male Submissive, 37, BC
| | |
|
|
|
|
