CuriousPrincesse

I've come to the conclusion that I have no idea what I want any more.

I'm not a submissive. Or at least, I don't think I can be classed as one. I don't back down, and I don't want to. I have no real desire to be disrespected, or degraded in anything more than a purely sexual sense.

I'm also not a Dominant. I have the personality of a leader, and perhaps in the 'real world' I would be called dominant in personality. I'm extroverted, in control of my life, strong. I don't need anyone to help me, and I resent any weakness in myself.

Does that make me Vanilla?

I know coming to terms with the D/s way of life, and their own desires is difficult for many. However, for me, it's almost difficult to picture anything else. I've known what I want for as long as I can remember.. Since I was five years old, I had a fixation with coorperal punishment. Since my very early teenage years, I've been exposed to dominants and submissives in my conversations over the internet, etc.

When I masturbate, it's always to mental images, or pornography of a sadomasochistic nature. It's always to humiliation, etc...

But that's not the entirety of what I am. I'm bright, I'm independent, I'm strong, I'm funny.. But so many seem to think that to be sexually submissive, all of that must be sacrificed.

When it comes to fetishes, CM is accepting of everything.. But I don't feel as though I have a place here. It seems as though I will never get what I want until I actually figure out what that is.