So I've decided to switch my journal over to here sense it seems more likely I'll keep up with it better that way. I bought a new book called SlaveCraft. It seems pretty interesting so far, its just theres so much to this lifestyle that I still don't know or understand. I go off my own feelings and inclination but they aren't getting me very far. It has come about to my extreme surprise that Leo my husband actually does have some pretty strong Dom personality traits and wants to explore them with me. The issue which has been getting worse sense the beginning of last month is that we live with his parents and can't move out till the end of the month. Given this, us moving forward in our explorations is halted till we move out. A pressure is building and its very frustrating. We also are a little confused as to what we will do once we're on our own. We have a friend helping guide us but its hard when we can't actually do anything yet. Another issue I'm having is that no matter how much I want to submit even in the smallest ways there is a part of me that rebels. I'm realizing that I treat Leo almost as my sub sometimes and I don't know why. It may be that I want him to fight back and take control or it could be that our current societal norms dictate men and women are equal and that is so ingrained in me that I fight any type of him dominating in stereotypical male ways. I want to be his equal but also his sub and I can't seem to reconcile the two. |