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	Fit, thoughtful, stable sub/switch looking for a dominant female for an awesome connection that could lead to something else. I fantasize about restriction, body worship, and all manner of personal service. I am a skilled, intuitive body worker with deep knowledge of the human body and can equally handle intellectually stimulating conversation...as well as goofy conversation. If you are looking for a fun new relationship with someone mature and capable of providing multi-dimensional satisfaction -and you live the Bay Area- please hit me up! If you live more than 50ish miles from San Francisco or are just looking for a cyber relationship I am probably not the guy for you. Thanks!

12/14/2009 5:08:54 PM

12/14/09

Busy ol’ weekend it was.

I attended two holiday parties on Fri. night. The first of which was at my friend and former lawyer’s downtown office. I arrived on the late side but everyone left over was still having fun and it didn’t take me long to fit in. I chatted with most of the people. Got some flirty time and ultimately a lip dance w/ this pretty woman who wore a long black dress that had sexy leather designs cut into it. The leather clearly gave her a saucy edge.

I left that party around 11pm and headed to Shameless Heather’s house party. There’s always sauciness going on at her parties. X was already there and she was about to leave with her date of the night but I stole her for some nice talk time first.

I found some friends to enjoy and we jumped in the hot tub. Sadly for me, I busted a house window trying to get the tub cover off. Today I got one phone estimate that came out to over $600. How the fuck will I ever come up with that kind of cash?? I hope to god Shameless has apartment insurance.

Well, forget about that for now. Back to the cool people. One person in particular was drawing my attention. This girl I’d never met joined Jim S. and I in the tub. Really sweet dispo and a kind of rockin’ bod.

After we got out of the tub and back into the house I gave Jim a fantastic stretch. He dug it and then girl wanted same so I gave her the deluxe version. Sorry Jim. ;-/ Anyway, I think he wouldn’t blame me.

That body work netted good results as we transitioned into her working on me and then us “working” on each other. The party was pretty well dwindled by then so there was a vague feeling of privacy in the main room which was cool.

Late into the night, the two of us fell asleep there on the carpet, cuddled under a too-small blanket, and I didn’t wake up until what I was told was 1:30 Sat. afternoon. ‘Cute girl’ was gone but she left me a note with her number.

I never got to go home because I had to meet the Rabbit and the Shaf-o-dil to attend Hans’ funeral/party.

We quick snarfed down some late brunch and headed to Headless Point for the somber affair. When we got there it was a quarter mile walk down to Toxic Beach for the boat burning where we would send ol’ Hansy back to Valhalla to re-join the Viking clan. I helped build the thing a week earlier so I was proud to have contributed to my good friend’s send-off. Several of us took pulls from Hans’ last bottle of Gentleman Jack then we poured the final shot into the boat before setting it ablaze.

After that there was a lot of hugging and a lot of drinking. Since we started around 4 I was well-schnockered by 1130pm and we left shortly after. But I got to see everyone I needed to see including some long lost pals who came out of the woodwork, and Hans’ mom and his still-stunned girlfriend.

Again, I didn’t make it home. X and Shaf put me on the couch, turned on an old Christian Slater movie from the eighties and I was out cold in about 20 minutes. I had promised X that we’d go back to her place at the end of the night but there was no way that was happening. Shiit, my bike was still parked over by the restaurant we had eaten brunch at many hours earlier.

Shaf and I woke up in her bed on Sunday afternoon. X returned and joined us for brunch again before Shaf drove us both to our vehicles then Shaf and I went back to her place. We ordered Thai food and watched a movie ‘til about 930.

In the meantime I’d discretely exchanged a few texts w/ Cute Girl and we decided to grab a drink. So when I pulled myself together and left Shaf’s place I picked CG up at her house in the Mission, not too far away. We rode to Bender’s, had a couple rounds over some good blabber, then I dropped her back off -but got a sweet kiss out of it before she went inside. We have a date planned for Fri. night.

Finally, I made it back to my place but was too wiped to have a shower until this morning. I fell asleep to a Daily Show episode on my laptop.

As I said, busy ol’ weekend it was.

11/11/2009 1:27:31 AM

I realize that when I get sad about things that's when I most desire to be physically, mentally, and sexually abused. No doubt there's something behind that.

Perhaps it's as basic as needing attention during some tough times; perhaps it's about not having to deal with things simply because I'm not in control of what's done with my body nor do I have to think for myself. ...Maybe its just cool to be a dirty little ragdoll bitch.

I'm not saying I think there's anything deeply wrong with this. Just making note of it.
So tonight, being a bit frustrated with life I find myself wishing to be pillaged.

While this is true I can still report plenty of good things.
Earlier this evening I toured the facility where my crew will be having our new year's party. I am the main organizer so I expect to put on a damn fun event. In my company were two co-organizers. We discussed all kinds of logistics with the caretaker of the space and later we met up with our other friend who agreed to produce the flyers. Inside of an hour the four of us came up with a cool looking flyer design and afterward we joined the rest of the misfits at the regular Tue. night thing.

Tonight's event coincided with a birthday and the person who's birthday it is looooooves karaoke. Every year on her speshul day she calls the party at a karaoke bar. I've never done karaoke and don't plan on it any time soon but I did write a song about our group of friends sung to the tune of a Credence Clearwater Revival song and another one of our friends sung it for the first time in public. It got a lot of laughter and praise so that made me smile.

Also, I got to draw a shoe on the foot of a very hot girl (with a Sharpie).

11/8/2009 11:41:39 PM

11/8/09

Generally I plan on writing shit down in the order it happened but since I’m still working on recording all the events of last weekend up in Seattle (Halloween) I’ll just go with the present. It’s less entertaining than last weekend but fuck, if you compare it to half the country it’ll still read like a bleeding carnival.

The highlight of my weekend was attending not one but two DEVO shows. Helllllzmotherfuckin’ yeah! DEVO is one of my favorite all time bands. Their mixture of punk with a heavy bass and new wave synth sound is pretty damn awesome plus the costumes, their philosophies sprinkled with hilarious sarcasm, and the whole culture they’ve created makes for a high energy show. Even if those guys are like in their mid-fifties they sure do rock the shit out of a concert hall.

I bought tix for Fri. night’s show months ago when they first went on sale. The Rabbit came with me. After that show I was fairly hell-bent on seeing them the next night so I went alone. It was really easy getting a ticket too. I just walked to the street corner outside the venue and shouted out that I needed a ticket. Two guys made a b-line for me. The first guy wanted $100 for the ticket so I just turned and walked. A total scalper. The other dude just wanted to get rid of an extra ticket. It was still $60 but that’s face value plus the douchebag Ticketmaster’s 50% markup (convenience fee + processing fee + venue fee + bendoverandtakeitlikethebitchthatyouarecuzweknowyoureallywanttoseethisshow fee). Whatever, it was worth it. They played a different album each night in addition to some of their other stellar shit. And you know everyone who goes to a DEVO show is a little bit an oddball so it was a fun crowd.

On Fri. after the show we went out for sushi to Tsunami on Fulton and Divis. Deeeelightful. Later we retired to the Rabbit home and finished the night sweetly.

Sat. I had to get up by 10 for a yoga class. -But we got in a good morning fuck first.

The yoga studio I go to is on the small side and I’m used to about 12-15 in attendance. For whatever reason people all decided to show up on this day (and bring their friends) so we were sardined with nine in a row times five rows plus two in the front on either side of the teacher. A friend of mine who I suggested to come even showed up. The teacher never ceases to impress me however. She made the class work and it was fun. Hot as fuck but fun. She tailored the class for the numbers, directing us to do several poses while holding on to our neighbors or partnering people up.

Sat. afternoon I taught a motorcycle lesson to a nice guy and made a hundred bones. Too bad I spent the better part of it that night going to the DEVO show, right?!

After the Sat. night show I joined Shaffy at her place and other people soon arrived. One of the Seattle guys is in town, turns out, and hilarity ensued. We went to a bar for a few last rounds I had one cheap bottle beer ‘cuz I’m still on the poverty train but I was already stoned and had been drinking Jim from my ‘nippy’. It was 3am by the time I showed up at the Rabbit den but she was still hanging around and we stayed up another hour making silliness.

This morning we actually got up by 10. The Rabbit loves to sleep in so I had to coax her up with extreme massage techniques. Dastardly, I know. It worked and we were eating breakkie at a sunny table in the Mission by 1115.

In the afternoon today I worked on getting the new kickstand on my bike since the old one was so bent. Lesson for ya: don’t lay on your bike with the stand down. Eventually it’ll bend.

Funny how that shit is more complicated than you’d think. I had to take the frickin’ exhaust pipe off to get at the bolt. The job took an hour or thereabouts but I’m satisfied that I can now park the bike without it leaning at something like 35 degrees.

Tonight was a comedy show. Several friends are in a sketch comedy troupe here in the city. I volunteered to usher the show but in the end I showed up early just to schmooze and someone else ushered. Fine, I got in free. About a dozen of my posse showed up too and after the show they all went out for drinks with most of the cast. I however am tired this evening and not wanting to drink. It’s going to be a busy week so I figure I should call it a night.

Assignment should you choose to accept it: Watch a DEVO video. It’s good for you.

Try this one on for size: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0UKtZwWLMp8&feature=related

Or this one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZWmf7r_37eA&feature=related

10/29/2009 6:17:43 PM

It was a rather sudden thing how I ended up at the Mastery compound.

Friday evening it was decided; by Sat. noon I was on the bike headed south to the Sta. Cruz mountains.

I had an uneasy dream in the middle of night that I got all the way down there and realized I’d forgotten everything I was instructed to bring. Fortunately reality was different.

At the gate I was greeted by Her pup and I can’t deny it was slightly awkward. Then his Land Cruiser wouldn’t start. Shiit, musta been something zapping around the airwaves. Just as we were about to give it up and call for backup the truck suddenly started and we began our descent. Descent…yes.

The road was windy, steep in parts, and absolutely no place for a sport bike. When we passed the last power pole the pup let me know that we were “officially off the grid” which I found slightly creepy.

At our destination about a mile or more past the gate there was a note on the front door: “Bring him to the “meditation point.” So we hiked up the hill into the woods behind the house, me wearing my leathers and shit-kickers that have no tread which presented a slight challenge. I powered on.

Arriving, we found the Mastery sitting in a low lawn chair on a blanket, Her back to us. She told Her pup to leave us and for me to step around into Her view.

Initially, we made small talk, directed by Her of course, and that comforted me some. Then I was asked to sign a short-term contract for my body and my will. Unsure what to write I scribbled “…beginning at ‘now o’clock’ …and until ‘tomorrow sometime’.”

Prior to the signature and again before a collar was placed around my neck I was asked to confirm if I was sure this is what I wanted.

Those were my first notices that no matter what lay before us She always kept at least one foot of compassion on the ground. Again, comforting.

So what did I want??

A sexual experience? At that point I think it was adventure…escape…a challenge as well, realizing that until ‘tomorrow sometime’ I would be making no decisions on my own. My only jobs were to BE and to DO. Harder tasks than they appear.

The brain decides; the hand moves. The brain doesn’t easily become a hand.

But I guess I was alright with that, down there in the valley off the grid with nobody to hear my screams.

The Mastery asked if I knew how it was that I came to be there and I responded with one word in the form of a question: “consistency??”

--Affirmative.

I had earned the right to be there by staying on Her radar and She let me know it.

Soon after I signed myself over to Her She was snapping photos of me with an iPhone. Most of which shall not be seen by others –She said I have a choice in the matter.

The photography began when She put her hat on my head, continued while She smudged her lipstick into my face by pressing Hers violently against it, then with my shirt pulled opened, and later as I stood on Her deck in nothing but the collar.

When She spoke images of Colonel Walter Kurtz sprang to mind. Fascinating ideas communicated in trance-like cadence, most of which were completely sane, relatively well thought-out, and that I either agreed or identified with. Other times I became lost and confused but either way I was captivated.

As She danced it was like the Russian Ballet meets Alice in Wonderland –on lots of weed. I remained captivated.

Weed… I’ve never seen anyone toke up an entire bowl in a single draw before. That’s impressive on it’s own but we’re talking about a 5 foot 6(ish) 125 pound(ish) woman here, not a big ol’ hippy with 40 years (and as many Grateful Dead shows) of daily fog over his dome.

Further evidence of unrestrained insatiability which, if there is one common theme that marks the Mastery’s M.O. that is it.

It allows for the type of freedom She speaks of in Her diatribes. It grants Her easier access to the power which She obviously was meant to possess.

I marveled at how She used me –my body- for puppetry. I became both a support for Her to pole dance around and an anatomy doll that is contorted to suit the artist’s needs. She balanced my entire weight on Her back on more than one occasion and put all of Hers upon me. She grabbed my mouth with Her hands, pulled it open like a cartoon and dove Her tongue deep, exploring every crevice; no tooth or area of gums remained unexplored. High on weed, I lay there with eyes closed and felt as though I was being penetrated by an alien. I half-expected Her tongue to continue winding all the way down my throat, to swirl through every nook along the way and to lick each organ as it passed by. This went on for a long while and I remember my only desire at the time (as if I was permitted one) was to be on stronger drugs.

In the 22 or so hours that I remained in Her possess, the closest we came to anything like a sexual act was when She used my arm which was dangling from her extended leg to get Herself off, brushing the hand back and forth over Her clit like a palm frond swaying in the breeze.

Her ability to go off to far-away places, to make them Her reality at any given moment is just uncanny. The world becomes what She creates it to be and it brings Her much pleasure.

I get it. I volunteered to be a part of it.

Flow is a word that not a lot of people seem to fully comprehend. If they did, traffic wouldn’t suck nearly as bad.

Flow is the process of things running smoothly, with little resistance because everything involved is traveling in the same direction or towards the same end. Now I know that people riding in their vehicles aren’t going to the same destination or are even on the same medications, but they sure are crossing the same intersections, moving around in the same lanes, deciding (or not deciding) on things like distance, space, and time.

It’s a beautiful thing when you get two “active” drivers crossing paths at a relatively high rate of speed. The world goes by fast but they think fast, make eye contact, read the entire situation as it unfolds, they make good judgments, and flow happens.

The Mastery knows this. She drives fast, changes directions at will, and as Her suspension I tried hard to absorb the landscape as much as possible, collapsing & supporting, being rigid or malleable as She dictated. Flow.

After hours of dancing around the living room, with the sun long gone the night became cold and I lay on the floor shivering while She danced on. The blanket I was provided was a large mat that had been used to cover the massage table. Eventually, after a few timid requests for warmth we moved up to the bedroom and passed out.

On Sunday morning I was woken up early to more writhing and puppetry. Once I became vaguely conscious the Mastery proclaimed that we were going dancing but She continued the body games and I was grateful. She then decided we would get up and eat but that didn’t happen for a long while either and I was grateful. It was a relief to stay in bed after a long night knowing I would have to travel later. Eventually we did get up and I made breakfast then gave Her some body work at Her command which I think She found satisfying.

We finished up and before you knew it it was “tomorrow sometime.”

Colonel Kurtz told me more of Her grand plan to create Her universe as She drove me up the hill to the gate, and away I rode on my bike.

As a side note: Over the course of the evening and into the next day Mastery informed me that Her pup had become unsettled over the situation of my presence. He was reminiscing about the dynamics of their relationship prior to an injury he suffered a month or so back. Now, finished with the convalescing he longed to renew that which I was currently experiencing. Witnessing it was a lot for him to bear. I suggested to the Mastery that this encounter of ours, though tenuous for the pup marked a growth point in their relationship and that Sunday evening would be a special one for them. Later, I was told that my words were spot-on which made me feel good. The last thing I want is to cause a rift in an otherwise beautiful relationship.

10/21/2009 10:20:33 PM

Ooh, funds are tight. Things looking grim w/ just over a week in the month and more depts than money coming in, plus I’m taking a long Halloween weekend up in Seattle that won’t be cheap. At least the ticket’s already paid for.

I triple hate being in this position; it’s so stressful! But this economy’s crap and even the fitness biz is taking a hit.

I have more bills than a thousand ducks at a feather sale and fewer clients than usual. Baaaad combo.

Last night I was out w/ the usual Tue. crew and brought my own whiskey in a secret nippy container so I wouldn’t have to spend money drinking. Geeeez, now that’s sad. But my wise friend almost made it all seem better in one sentence:

“At least all your problems can be solved with money” she said.

Wow, so true.

Lately I’ve been doing a lot of good healing work on people. Makes me feel good…and that has to count for something karma-wise…right??

It’s a lot easier to fix people when you’re not broken yourself.

…So I was thinking I should call up my pal, the porn lord and ask if he needs another model for a shoot. I’d do it if it paid the rent. But frankly I’m too nervous to be in front of a camera taking a dildo up the ass from an A-type Dominant or a transgender revenge girl.

Enough about money. Fuck money. Money can suck my dick, LOL

Yesterday at yoga class I got a cool opportunity to be a demo student at a yoga teacher training seminar next week. My teacher said they need a couple relative nubes to attend and that the head instructor is top-notch for rehab folks. Plus it’s free since the teachers-in-training are footing the bill. I’m looking fwd to it.

I got introduced to a cool website the other day. Maybe it’s been around awhile but I’d never heard of it. http://www.ted.com/

“Riveting talks by remarkable people, free to the world”

Word for today is “banana hammock”

That shit is just funny.

10/19/2009 10:14:34 PM

This morning before I left for the gym I looked out my window and saw that it was wet out so I wore riding pants instead of the normal fatigues or jeans I’d wear in dry weather. Good thing. As I left the gym in the middle of the day it was dry but almost as soon as I got on the bike it began sprinkling. Figures. I seem to have that sort of luck every winter.

I went over to s.5’s house to give her some body work and when I left an hour or so later it was still lightly sprinkling…but almost immediately after I got back on the bike it turned into a heavy downpour. I got completely soaked on the way back over to the gym. Damnit all to hell. But I had to laugh.

I had a great pedal on the stationary bike today. My quads are fried. I hope I can handle yoga tomorrow. But my "killer" is coming back and that's pretty sweet.

On Monday Oct. 19, 1987 the stock market crashed. At the time I was taking a business class at school.

On Friday Oct. 16th as part of a study section on the stock market the class was given a fictitious $5,000 to invest in whichever stocks we chose.

I need not mention the resulting financial disaster most of us suffered. But it made for interesting discussion...and thank god it was fake money.

I'm procrastinating. Need to get dinner started, and hopefully I can get in bed on the early side if I want to make that 9am class tomorrow.

10/17/2009 1:18:59 AM

This whole submissive thing has kind of put a strain on my sex life.

I believe most women expect men to be "typical." In other words, the aggressor. (Yes, even in D/s exchanges this often happens.)
I cannot do that terribly well. I'm a true sub. I tend to feel awkward putting moves on women and trying to seduce them when that's not at all what turns me on. It seems 'off' -a departure from self- and I've never been able to figure it out. But it all makes sense.

And so I came on this site thinking "here is a collective of Dominants who are seeking out sub men. They will see my profile, recognize that I'm intelligent, quite fit, better than average looking, desirous of being objectified, and of serving their needs."
To my disappointment that has not really been the case to this point (with a few exceptions) and I'm not sure why.

Are there just that many sub guys out there making more noise than me? Are they more willing to grovel to just about anyone with a whip in their hand? Am I just too quirky an animal to be called out and pounced upon??
I don't really know. (feel free to clue me in)

I do know that I want to feel happy and fulfilled, and the best way for that to happen is to be understood and sought out.

One way that I have conceptualized my role in the life of a Dominant Woman is to see myself as a tool that is used for a specific purpose ...like a vibrator.

If a woman wants to get off she can pull the vibrator from her bedside drawer, close her eyes and make it hum exactly where she wants it until she is thoroughly satisfied. And if she needs a different tool for a different job she can find that too.

The submissive is sort of a Swiss Army Knife of tools. He can be pulled from the drawer and made to perform whatever tasks bring pleasure. Like a flick of the switch he hums, penetrates, gets penetrated, restrained or whatever makes the dominant aroused and satisfied.

Like a master mechanic the Dominant only needs to recognize the right tool for the job...and pull it from the drawer.

I remain in the cage sharpening my spork.

Have I unwittingly turned CM into a tool exchange?

10/4/2009 7:46:10 PM

File under: “You lose some, you win some, then you lose a little bit more but in the end you kind of won or at least broke even.”

In our previous chapter we found the hero crapping himself about getting stiffed for rent and then getting a ton of last minute business to turn that hole into a little mound.

Here we are at the end of the weekend and I did train the LA lady all 3 days, plus gave motorcycle lessons all 3 days. But the moto lessons went a little short each day b/c I had to ride out to San Rafael and also the bike was being stored overnight at the dealer’s so my student had to end lessons when the shop closed. I charged him to go out to Marin but gave him a price break for shorter lessons.

Today my p.t. client and I met in Golden Gate Park where we hiked up to the top of Strawberry Hill @ Stowe Lake for a short session using the rubber tubing. Those things rock, by the way. If you’ve never used exercise bands for a resistance training session you’re in for a nice surprise. I can get a pretty rockin’ workout in only ten min. with those things.

And Stowe Lake is so pretty. I photographed several turtles sitting in a row on a branch that was sticking out of the water. Neato.

After the training session I had to hustle out to Marin. I put the Argentinean on the back of his bike and we boogied off to find a parking lot larger than the one at the BMW dealership. Whilst negotiating traffic I realized I was in the center lane when we wanted to turn left so I communicated w/ the other drivers and they gave me the go-ahead. As soon as I rounded the corner the lights flashed and I saw a fucking black and white in the rear-view. Shiiiiizzzaahh!

Luckily the cop was nice and only cited me for a “dangerous maneuver” and not for us not having registration or insurance paperwork on the new bike. So now I’ll have to go to traffic school.

Bottom line: I didn’t make as much as I ought to have (only by about 80 bucks) but I definitely got rent/bills covered this month. And I didn’t spend much money this weekend except for treating myself to some good scotch on Fri. night so that helps. It’s a nice load off.

I feel great after the first two yoga classes this week, even if a bit stiff. That bone growth protein is inflammatory in nature so I just have to not push it or twist from the low spine still.

Last night I made a tasty stew and sat on my ass at home flicking back and forth btwn “Matrix”, “Tombstone” and South Park episodes.

I didn’t look at porn or whack it, though I did check out some random CM profiles, wishing once again to someday find the dominant of my dreams.

10/3/2009 8:20:18 PM

What started as hard luck has turned out to be ok in the end.

The new housemate who moved in on Aug. 1^st gave notice just before Sept. 1^st, announcing that he’d gotten a job in NYC. Pretty fuckin’ annoying since the process of finding someone worthy is often long and arduous. But to our joy we ended up meeting a seemingly great guy fairly quickly. Kat was on point for this one and she established a relationship with the new guy, only when I asked her to get money from him she said that he was working on it and didn’t want to press him further. I told her to take care of it and she clearly did not, insisting that John was a good guy. Well, John never moved in on Oct 1^st, he didn’t give us any money toward rent, and he’s avoiding our calls so we got dicked and I’m understandably pissed off. I hold Kat partially responsible because she got suckered while attempting to be nice and I have to suffer for that.

Times have been tough, getting back on my feet after this surgery business. I knew I would barely make rent/bills this month and then the dicking happened so naturally I about crapped myself.

Then, on Thursday evening I got a phone call from my client who comes up from LA every so often and wants to do training sessions. She said she’d be in town starting Fri. through the weekend and wanted sessions each day which will add up to a couple hundred bucks and then some. Following that I got a call from a guy who wanted motorcycle riding lessons this weekend. He’s an Argentinean living in NYC and has more money than he really ought to, but fortunately is spending a bunch of it on me. The man got his motorcycle license a few weeks ago here in SF; he learned how to ride on a small bike and has never been out of the parking lot. So now he goes in to the BMW dealership over in San Rafael (on his 50^th birthday) and purchases this ginormous enduro/touring bike. Then he asks me what do I think. Heh! I think you need a whole weekend of lessons, brother. Cha-ching!

It’s a damn shame I won’t be going camping with all of my good pals this weekend but I’ve been having a hellova party month -with more to come- so with a sigh of relief I can now rest assured that my rent check will clear…as well as half of that no-show asshole’s share.

This morning I went to my second yoga class. It was incredibly difficult but I feel great. I am excited to keep getting stronger.

Tonight I’m making stew. I’m going to get baked and chill in the homestead.

10/1/2009 5:59:43 PM

This morning I attended my first yoga class since before surgery. I was rather anxious about it. Less so because I thought I might do somethig foolish that would ruin the surgeon's good work, more because the procedure has left me significantly less flexible (to this point) and I had these visions of "failing the class."

Yeah, I know that doesn't make much sense but I just didn't have a good handle on what I was capable of or ought to attempt at this stage and I hate feeling foolish. (Note: Feeling foolish is different from acting the fool, friends)

Before I left the house I took 2 tokes to help with the relaxing (physically and mentally it totally helps).

I arrived early -I was the first one in the studio @ 845am- and began to do some warm-up stretches.
By the end of class when we were lying on our backs to cool down and listen to the teachers words I realized that the last time I was in this room I couldn't stay flat on my back without intense pain unless I bolstered my hips.

At that moment I both grinned and shed a tear. I've been very happy today ever since.

9/11/2009 9:07:59 PM

Today is the anniversary of the horrible attacks in 2001. A somber memory and still an uncertain future. I am mighty glad the government has changed though. I have greater hope for our (the world’s) future at this stage than I have in the last 8 years.

Saw Inglorious Bastards the other night. Fun film but I feel like Tarantino kind of copped out at the end by making the female lead “have a heart” for the bad guy. But still, for the entertainment it was worth it. A nice ‘jerk off, Nazi revenge’ film.

I didn’t mention that I got on the treadmill at the gym for about a half mile yesterday. I’m not really clear for running but I put it on a low speed and a 4% incline for much lower impact. In addition I ran bare-footed which got me running more on my toes. It was interesting. I’m looking fwd. to future experimentation with that sort of training and am considering getting a pair of those new toe shoes that I’ve seen a few trainers and friends wearing. They look a bit odd but definitely make you use more of the muscles in your feet which can’t be bad. I need to do some more research on this.

Leaving to meet the kids in a few. But I think I’ll paint my nails first.

9/11/2009 10:06:20 AM

This weather is fucking amazing. Wish I had more time outside.
Got to take advantage while the gettin's good.

Last night I went to meet Shaf for a drink but I put her off for a couple hrs. b/c Dutchy said she had some time to spare for me. So I went over her place to meet her -the place she stays at is on the hillside of Bernal Hts. Beautiful home where she house-sits and watches the hound. We sat out on the deck and had some drinks. We passed the pipe and she smoked a cigarette or two. And we talked.
Great conversations; people, art, philosophy, doomsday...but she's so pretty I couldn't keep my eyes off her.
Damn shame she's leaving. Damn damn shame.

So an hour and a half passes and we don't try to fuck. The conversation was great. We made out a little. Long, juicy, soft lips kisses. Yum!
Then I put her on my bike and dropped her off to meet her friends. And we had another hot kiss before she walked off.

I met Shaf at a cafe over in Hayes Valley. They were doing a fundraiser party for the Red Vic theater which I really wanted to patronize. I love the Red Vic.
Sadly the conversation became serious pretty much from the start. But she got the whining off her chest in about a half hour and the the conversation was more fun as we switched to a bar in lower Haight for another drink.

She told me all about Burning Man and her exploits at our wonderful camp. She joined my camp this year since my friends have been her friends for nearly 3 years now. I was her sponsor. Shame I couldn't be there this year though. I'll be back next year for sure!

Gotta get ready for work now. Then maybe I'll get a ride in.

9/6/2009 9:47:34 PM

Good weekend so far.

On Fri. we did that thing over at Supper Club. I got tied up and suspended. We set up the scene so that in the middle of dinner I would be making out with girl (it was the Rabbit) and the Dominant shows up going ‘what the fuck.’ Then girl goes ‘what the fuck’ and they both –with the help of two others- initiate a smack-down. I get slapped hard in the face and fall backwards (onto a futon that was on the floor behind me) and they then drag me into the open space where the rigging is conveniently already set up from the ceiling rafters…and directly in front of patrons who had been eating their dinners before the mayhem began. They stand me up and Rain (the rigger) rips my shirt open sending three buttons flying. It went off great! Everyone was surprised by the apparent disturbance, shocked at the slap to the face, and delighted to a struggling boy getting the crap kicked out of him, then ultimately suspended 4’ off the floor. Rain was really talented, and I must say hot! As she lay on the floor below me, surveying her work and spinning me ‘round she put her hand down into my skivvies and grabbed at my cock a bit. Her legs had spread some, revealing a cleanly shaven and very pretty pussy.

We were of course all amped afterwards and the rest of the evening was much fun. I got a couple comp drinks and a comp dinner for two out of it as well.

Sat. night was Balsa Man. I had been anticipating it since first hearing about the event 3 weeks earlier. My art project got finished earlier that afternoon and then it was burned along with several other pieces of cool art and the scale model Burning Man. Lots of silliness, Burning Man parody stuff, and a general feeling of consolation as most of us had not made it out to the Black Rock Desert this year. I did meet several people including a few friends who came home early from the Burn in order to attend Balsa Man. I’d guess there were a couple hundred people on the beach. Several after-parties were organized and I went home with the intention of re-fueling then heading back out. Sadly, I fell asleep on the couch to Matrix Reloaded and never left the house again.

Today I went on a great moto ride with the Dutch girl. Did I mention she’s fucking hot? And very nice as well. We made our first stop on the Marin Headlands; walked around there for a bit, took some photos, then got on the road for Stinson Beach. There we had lunch, although we were really craving eggs. It was just a quarter past 2 and the fuckers stopped breakfast service at 2. Dang. Still, the food was yummy.

We walked over to the beach, lay in the sand for awhile and made out a bit.

We got back on the bike and headed north then up the back of Tam –forgot the name of that fucking road. Anyway, we came down into the woods, stopped at the dam for more photos, then made our way into Fairfax. Dutchy has friends in Fairfax so we went to their rented home in the woods for a visit. Beautiful house! We had beers on the porch for 45 min. and finally got back on the road towards SF. Tons of traffic on 101, we split lanes the whole way. Passed a few slower moving bikes too, incl. a small pack of rough looking Booze Fighters on their excessively loud iron horses.

Back in the city now. I just finished the lunch we had gotten boxed and am planning on heading out the door again in a few to see what trouble the Rabbit and I can find.

An extra weekend day for us tomorrow! Hoping for more sun, and if I’m lucky a little more fun.

9/4/2009 1:38:50 AM

9/3/09

1030pm:

I’m at the bar. Doug said “let’s hang out this week while everyone is at Burning Man.” So I was looking forward to some time w/ him. Wonderful guy; needs to do less coke. Doug is actually one of the few guys I really, truly connect with.

9/4/09

Last night was fun. Clearly I wasn't going to get much journaling done at the pub. Why did I try? ...'Cuz there's never a bad time to write shit down, that's why.

In the beginning I suggested we don’t do much drinking until I decided we should go to a punk show since a couple of apparently good bands were playing at Bottom Of The Hill. That never materialized but after a starter beer at my place we went to two bars over a 4-hour stretch.

When I got home X came over. She was drunk from her evening and we probably made a little too much noise in the house.

I continue to work on my Balsa Man project. It’s coming together but I’m running out of time. Tomorrow I have a busy day of p.t. clients and in the evening I’m supposed to get tied up. Yeah, I’m getting tied and suspended by a dominant as part of a show at Supper Club. To be perfectly honest I am nervous.

This evening I went to a hellova good show; a local comedy troupe called “Killing My Lobster.” Some of the actors and musicians are my friends. So talented and funny.

Long day tomorrow. Bed is a smart choice.

8/31/2009 9:28:33 PM

Incrementally, I am feeling stronger, more energetic, fitter. It's good. I'm excited for the next several months. I will see what heights I can climb to.

I interviewed a new client today. She wants to train 3X/week out of her home. That would be a nice client to have. Also, she seems cool.

Today I began my art project for Balsa Man. It's supposed to be a mini version of this other art piece from Burning Man in 2006. I think it's going to look a lot different but that's okay. It's in the same spirit and people who were there will get it. I'm using coffee stir sticks and a glue gun. The thing's going to be impressive.

And now, I'm going out.

8/30/2009 10:51:27 PM

Interviewed potential new housemate today. Guy was nice.

Later I went over to JD’s in Berkeley to help him build his shed. It was fun, I learned some stuff, we got a few walls up, feelings of accomplishment…then hot tub and chill while looking out over the Bay.

Heading to the Rabbit’s in a bit. A few clients tomorrow then possibly back over to JD’s or perhaps another date w/ Dutch girl.

8/30/2009 9:33:32 AM

I got like 4 hrs. of sleep last night and have no idea how I got up this morning at 830. But I booked a last minute motorcycle student Fri. night which makes up for the one that canceled for that afternoon.

No girls tonight. It was just dinner at Evil and Megatron’s house. I was bored and not sure who remains in town -or not going to Burning Man at all- so I put the call out. Meg said “come over, we’re BBQ’ing and BriBri & Shenanigans are in town from Spain before heading out to the Playa.” There ended up being 7 of us. I brought the ingredients and the skills to make yummy margaritas (Herradura Silver, fresh limes, cointreau and homemade simple syrup if you’re wondering.)

Evil cooked up a gigantic salmon filet which we had with grilled zucchini spears and cous cous. Delishus!

We all got mild to medium drunk but I think the alteration of choice for most was Pablo. I did just one rail but at least I didn’t get baked too. -I was mostly a good boy. Anyway we had a great time.

Just got home. I’m about to pass the hell out.

Oh, got a letter from me Mommy today. Enclosed were photos of me from childhood (the other childhood) and also a grade school spelling quiz from like second grade or something. I had gotten all the answers right and at the bottom the teacher wrote “Excellent.” I think I’ll put it on my wall next to the photos of me from 4^th grade.

Time to be unconscious now.

8/28/2009 9:31:12 PM

Such an easy day today. I stayed w/ the Rabbit last night and we went on a walk through the Mission in the morning. Hot mutherfuckin day, yowza!!
Stopped over at the Vietnamese place on Mission/16th just to grab a Vietnamese coffee and be on our way; ended up eating there. So yummy.
Afterward we walked over to Zeitgeist to get a pitcher and sit in the sunny beer garden.
I had one p.t. client in the afternoon. Was supposed to teach a moto lesson but the guy bailed, claiming bike problems. Making up for that by a last minute phone call from a previous student wanting a lesson/chaperon for a short day trip tomorrow.

Going on a date tonight.

Oh, I finally sent Shaf an email and we spoke on the phone tonight. She's had a hellish week; our feudal episode coinciding w/ some other crazy shit in her life and trying to get ready for BRC at the same time. I feel bad I wasn't around to ease the pain.

Got a letter in the mail today with two $1 bills enclosed. It is my "art grant" from Balsaman.org. Hysterical. That should be a cool party. Will help soothe my unsettled soul for not getting to go to the "real" Burn.

8/27/2009 6:48:45 PM

Dang, everyone is heading to the Playa except meeeee. I’ve got the FOMS big-time. All I have to look forward to is Balsa Man. That should be a good time however.

I began composing an email to the Shafnardoodlehead. I really want to clear things up before she heads off to BRC and I’m sure she does as well.

Last night’s date was fun.

Had a pretty good workout today. Got on the bike and did an 8 mile hilly ride that was killer. Then I lifted, then I schvitzed. More progress.

Gawd, I want to go out on a ride right now. It’s such a beautiful evening! I thought about heading down to Woodside and visiting Applejacks. That would be a solid 45 min. each way though, plus at least an hour hanging out.

Holy cow, a really, really pink girl with dreds that have colored beads and a purse that looks like an oldschool boombox just walked by my window! Oh the flamboyance! Wish I got a photo.

Speaking of, I painted my nails again last night. I stopped doing it back in the fall, I think because I wasn’t feeling it. Or I wasn’t feeling like myself. Now, things are looking up and I’ve got a bunch of energy back so the old eccentricities are returning. Yay for me.

I think I’ll hit Ace for a few beerz and maybe games of pool. I’ll bring quarters.

8/27/2009 3:58:25 AM

I had a random date tonight w/ a very cute Dutch girl from this dating website I never really go on. But a message from her came to my email addy and she seemed cool so I answered.
We ended up having a pretty good time. Okay, well, she invited me home with her.
It was fun and I'm guessing we'll go out again.

Earlier in the evening I took Mayhem to meet the Frog and they finalized the deal for her motorcycle. He didn't have all the cash so he gave her $300 to hold on to it 'til he gets back from Frogland (France) and she comes back from Burning Man. I'll keep the bike at my place in the meantime.

I have an 11am client. While that's not considered particularly early in the morning it actually IS if you're up writing a journal at 4am.
Poop on a stick.

8/26/2009 12:11:00 AM

Looks like Mayhem’s bike is going to have a new owner. Not me. But the kid who wants it seems cool. He’s a Frog living in the States for a year or two and wanted to learn to ride. I’m meeting him at the bike shop for an inspection tomorrow. Maybe he’ll want to get a lesson with me but he didn’t seem interested when I brought it up before.

Speaking of riding, after work today I took the Rabbit over to the East Bay. We went up Fish Ranch Road. Holy fucking jeebus, the homes there are ridiculous. Some of them must go for over $10 mil, easy! Maybe over $20. I probably don’t have a concept. The view of the Bay from up there is astounding.

And here I am shitting myself to pay rent. Harrumph!!

On the way down the mountain, still in some pretty swank neighborhoods we saw two cute little girls manning a lemonade stand so we stopped, got lemonade and talked to the girls. I think they said they are in the 4^th grade. -Or will be as of Tuesday when school starts.

Our new housemate came home tonight and announced he’s moving to NYC the third week in Sept. Goddamn, we just went through the whole fucking search process; now we have to do it again. Double harrumph!

But we’ll have a vacant room for about a week and a half. Anyone want to rent it for illicit activity?

I still haven’t spoken w/ Shaftard. I need to get back to her in timely fashion, I think. But shit, I really don’t feel like it. Am I a bad friend? Don’t answer that.

8/24/2009 10:54:56 PM

Today I worked. Fascinating.

But it’s good to put in an honest day. I need to get paid soon though ‘cuz the new month will be upon us and rent/bills are due.

I just have to keep getting the word out that I’m back on the scene, follow up with old clients, shake hands, kiss babies, etc.

Several months ago on a visit to Costco they had Ironman heart rate monitors on sale. I bought one anticipating future use both for myself and as a teaching tool. I’ve never used one before but I’ve always thought about getting one. Today I finally had a couple afternoon hours to break it out of the box and read the directions. I took the two tests that the manual offered for figuring out max heart rate but I remain somewhat skeptical because I have taken my pulse rate dozens of times following training runs and the readings I got were significantly higher than my assumed maximum based on these tests. I took one of the tests a second time and came up with virtually the same result so I’ll have to wear this monitor on my next hard workout to see what numbers I get and compare that with my rate of perceived exertion. Hopefully I can find something that seems more reasonable.

Tonight the Rabbit and the Shafinator are meeting for drinks. I’d love to be a fly on that wall. Or maybe not. I don’t expect Shaffy will have anything new to say. Anyway, Rabbit will probably fill me in, at least with the less confidential stuff.

Earlier tonight, while in the café I met a mother/daughter team who is taking a road trip together. Very cool. They both seem great, and they reported that they’ve been couch surfing along the way. I mentioned that I’ve been with CS since almost the beginning and have both surfed and hosted many times. It’s a cool way to travel and meet people.

Short one today. There’s really not a hell of a lot going on from this animal’s perspective.

8/24/2009 1:39:25 AM

Didn’t go to Tequila-palooza. Shaf pulled the plug after we argued at a party last night. It’s just as well. Whiney bitch (and I mean that in the nicest way) had this upset look on her face from the moment I walked into the party. Inevitably, an hour or so later she comes in the kitchen while I’m having a conversation with several people and says “May I have a word with you?” I said “No. No you can’t.” -That’s baloney. It’s a party. You cannot corner me in front of our friends and demand that I follow you into another room to catch an earful. It’s not the time. Definitely not.

The audacity of my refusal sent her blood boiling but my fuse is clearly getting shorter with that squeaky wheel. It seems not a week passes that she isn’t belly-aching about something and it gets old. She can sit on it for one night methinks.

So this morning Shaf-o-dil calls me and says she doesn’t think we ought to go to the Tequila party then proceeds to lambaste me over the phone. Surprise! It’s the same story line as last night and um, always. Ugh.

Tomorrow I’ll need to call her, email her or maybe send some flowers. I truly cherish our friendship but I need to explain that her methods are ineffective and see if we can’t figure out a better communication strategy.

The Rabbit and I discussed it a bit today. She’s helpful and offers fairly sage advice. She is a friend to both of us and has no problem calling either one of us on our shit. …But oh, when the Rabbit goes off that’s another story. Heh. Fortunately, we’re doing well at the moment.

Speaking of La Rabbita, we took a moto ride to Marin today and checked out this place I’ve been meaning to visit for awhile. It’s a private club on Mt. Tam that you need to hike to. Beautiful compound in the woods with a bar. They open their doors to the public only on weekends in the summer for four hours of the afternoon. We got a pitcher of beer, sat on the deck in the sun, and discussed liberal vs. conservative theories, gluttony, and good vs. evil intentions. But we had to cut it short as she needed to see a client for a few hours this evening.

After dropping the Rabbit off downtown I went home, gobbled a little grub then packed my stuff for the gym. I only had about an hour to workout and schvitz but I did it. It wasn’t a bad workout either. And I hit the grocery store on the way home.

While shopping I got an idea to cook something special for my redneck roommate…Mac ‘n cheese. I also decided to bread some tilapia filets. Everything turned out pretty good. My new roommate is in the next room jerking off on his squeaky bed.

Hey, I found a use for “squeaky” twice in one journal post. Wow.

8/22/2009 7:57:40 PM

Where was I? Oh yes…everywhere.

I got my second wind last night following the early-evening drunkenness at the beer garden. Somehow.

After the feedings s.5 and the Rabbit yapped in the kitchen while I got my shit together, splashed some water on my face and we made a go of the rest of the evening. I took off on my bike (Mayhem’s actually) and the girls walked. I arrived at Lord’s house a good 15 minutes ahead of those two and it was pretty packed with the gruff crowd I’m used to seeing at anything Dustfish-related. Not the prettiest bunch over all, but high quality peeps and crass, just the way I like ‘em. There were many drunken guffaws throughout the evening. Dustfish is a creative group of pseudo-intellectual i.t. nerds mixed with whacko artist types that wear self-created wardrobes. Lord himself is an icon. He’s a 59 year-old uber-homo hippie with long, flowing white hair and a particular love for the absurd…as well as young, hot guys. He looks more than a bit haggard, indicative of years of burning the wick at both ends but he makes up for it in spades with a very big grin and an infectious chuckle. His email handle is something like: assliquor@... I think that says it all.

The Rabbit (in her mini dress and boots) and I rode the bike home around 4am after bidding adieu to the lovely Vanessa who’s leaving SF for the greener pastures of …Toronto? Okay, well, her family lives there and she indicated an acute need to get out of dodge to get her head together. That happens to people here. I often think about hitting the road again myself. Six months or a year this time; not a measly four months like the last trip. Anyway, the party was for Vanessa. She’ll be missed.

Today I had a motorcycle student in the afternoon but before that I had a crazy thought to stop by the bank and ask about getting a loan so I could purchase Mayhem’s motorcycle for use as a teaching bike. It would definitely increase business as I get many inquiries from people who don’t yet own a motorcycle. In the end, I think I’ll sell to the guy who’s got his heart set on it. He seems like a good bloke, and this is a fantastic first bike for him.

Tonight we have a renegade dance party planned out in Dogpatch for Shanimal and Cas’ birthdays. Looking forward to it but I have to get some shit done first. Tomorrow is “Tequila-palooza.” –A total drunkfest. I hope I survive. Nutrition and ample REM sleep are key for the remainder of the weekend.

8/22/2009 12:12:10 AM

What a busy day. I had my first client @ 9am, then a couple errands to run and then four clients at the other gym btwn noon and 5. I barely had time for food. After work I had to hustle over to the bar with the beer garden to meet s.5 for our previously planned hangout. We are just getting to know each other but I love that girl. She is warm, kind and flat-out cool. She's a hardcore runner with the kind of get-dirty attitude that I truly admire. Also, she's in a serious relationship with Cracker who I also love. Still, we're clearly drawn to each other. We stayed and drank for much longer than either of us planned. The bar was stupid crowded and I had no intention of waiting in the line more than once so I ordered a pitcher of Racer 5 plus a fat jar of Stella for the lady. We finished it all. Reluctantly we departed for our respective Fri night obligations. The Rabbit lives just 3 blocks up the hill from the bar so I went over there. Did I mention how thoroughly inhebriated I was? So I tore off all my clothes and started trouble. Now its near midnight. I'm somewhat less drunk. Going to the first party soon now that we've finally eaten. I'm at the Rabbit's and s.5 just showed up. I just need to get a little cleaner.

8/20/2009 11:36:32 PM

Getting busier at the gymnasium as I said yesterday. This morning I had an orientation booked for 10am and I am still not used to getting up early. Yeah, for me nine is butt-early. But at 8am the phone rang and I saw it was from the gym. They’ve booked me for several orientations this week so I assumed it was another one of those and I wanted to sleep that last hour so I didn’t bother to get up to answer the phone. When I showed up at ten the fitness desk manager asked if I had gotten her 8am message about the 10am person cancelling. FUUUUUCKK! I totally could have stayed in bed another two hours. Especially since the 11am appointment I had booked also cancelled and rescheduled for a different day.

I still had 3 other appointments between noon and 4pm, and I got some time to take the soccer ball upstairs to the basketball courts to juggle for awhile.

Later in the day I met a friend for a coffee. He has been having an illicit affair with a married woman from the east coast. The most interesting thing about this relationship is that it is heavily a D/s experience with him topping her. This is something he has always been curious about but never truly explored. He didn’t even go out looking for it. The situation found him quite randomly while on a business trip and he’s shared much of the experience with me. I am happy for my friend. It’s all very hot and have to admit I am rather envious. But it’s also a sticky one -potentially dangerous, and we’ve discussed that too.

Afterwards, I dropped by my bar for a couple beers as I hadn’t been in for a few weeks. Many of the usual suspects were there. I shot three games of pool, won two of those. I ran into one of my friends from the castle where they make porn. He asked about motorcycle lessons and his companion inquired about personal training. How ‘bout that! Two birds with one stone as it were. Random birds at that.

Now I’m home and need to eat! I’m starved but don’t feel like cooking so I caved and ordered a pizza. I’ll cook up some broccoli and call it dinner.

8/19/2009 8:38:28 PM

Just as I was settling in to my quiet evening at home last night I got a phone call from X. She was in lower Haight with her brothers at the Noc Noc bar and asked if I wanted to join them. I decided to go and ended up not making it home. I should’ve known.

Sadly I did have to get back home by 10am this morning for an appointment with a guy who was coming by to see Mayhem’s bike. So I got my ass out of a warm bed with a warm girl and high-tailed it to the castle. Then, just 10 min. before the guy was supposed to show up the fucker sends an email saying he can’t make it.

Okay folks, here’s a little piece of etiquette advice: Don’t ever email to cancel an appointment in the 11^th hour. You should always call or at least text if it’s that late in the game. It's just the right thing to do. I happen to be set up with email on my phone but not everyone is, and it can take hours before the next time they check their email.

Even so, I still got burned today as the dude bailed just minutes before our scheduled appointment. But that’s idiots for you. And there are idiots everywhere.

Don't be an idiot.

I’m getting busier at work. The JCC has been scheduling appointments for me and I got another old client back at the private gym. Saw several of the trainers and the owner of the gym when I was there. They were happy to see me return and out of pain. I was happy to see them.

8/18/2009 11:39:52 PM

Good time at the bon fire last night at O.B. There were about 30 people, good food, and laughs. We brought weenies left over from camping and I filled a big thermos with hot chocolate –er, and Tia Maria.

It was rather chilly down on the beach but I had my Russian rabbit fur hat. Kept my noodle toasty warm.

I took a spin class at the gym today. First time, and it was pretty cool. At the end the teacher announced to the class that I am one of the trainers on staff and gave me a nice plug.

This evening I blew off the usual Tue. evening thang, went food shopping and cooked instead. It’s better that way. Must. Save. Money. -Haven’t. Worked. In. 7. Weeks. …Anyway, after doing that tough spin class then lifting weights I don’t much feel like pouring booze down my throat.

Yesterday when I was home in the afternoon there was a ring at the front door. A lady claimed a package destined for her was mis-delivered to our next door neighbors (who we share a front entrance with). I asked the lady if she had I.D. to match to the package and she thanked me for checking. It matched and I gave her the package. Later when I returned home again there was a chocolate bar wrapped in a piece of note paper with a message of thanks. How nice!

On this evening’s Daily Show Jon Stuart had a guest, Christopher Mcdougall who was talking about his book “Born To Run” about this tribe of native Mexicans who run everywhere, very long distances. Fascinating. I might have to pick that book up.

I may just have to start commuting on foot (after I get clearance of course).

8/17/2009 6:44:03 PM

Heck of a hangover today. Last night was slated to be another quiet evening. I went over to the Rabbit den to make us some dinner. We started with a bottle of red, turned on some music and I began cooking. We opened a bottle of white for dinner (‘cuz we had already finished the red) and I told her about Shameless’ house party.

At some point I found a tutu laying on her day bed. I never did ask what it was for but she made me put it on and we danced around the apartment. I wore it upstairs to her roof as we had a smoke and brought our glasses of wine along.

When we got back downstairs she made me wash her in the shower to candle light and then we had fantastic sex.

Today when I got home and was working on paying bills, etc. I got a call from the desk manager at my gym. She asked if I was on my way in because an orientation appointment was there waiting for me. I was like “whaaat?!” Apparently I had forgotten to write it in my calendar when the call came in last week. So I choked down a bowl of cereal and rushed to the gym, barely cleaned and not at all shaven. Fortunately the girl was cool and she booked in for another 3 sessions. I then forced myself to workout even though the hangover lingered on. Finally dissipated when I got back to the house and popped a couple ibuprofen.

Heading to Ocean Beach now for a friend’s birthday bon fire. It’s foggy and cold so I’m going to throw on my longjohns.

8/16/2009 7:48:39 PM

That "gathering" at Shameless' place was fun. Ended up being more of a sex party which I should've guessed. I had a good time hanging out in the hot tub and in general but I wasn't feeling the public stuff so I bailed right about the time when there wasn't anything left to do other than fuck or suck. I had my mind on the departure when this beautiful girl was offered up to me for a blow job. If I had it to do over I wouldn't have turned her down. It's just that my brain was already out the door. She really was gorgeous too. Shucks.

Today I gave moto lesson #2 to this girl. She's been slow to learn but by the end of the day was making solid progress. She was asking to book in for next week too which is good. I don't feel really confident releasing her to the streets just yet.

Not sure what's going on tonight. I should snoop around and see.

8/15/2009 9:20:45 PM

Last night I chilled in the castle, cooked a healthy/hearty meal and watched the original 1978 version of Inglorious Bastards. It was a period piece in the genre of Dirty Dozen and Kelly’s Heroes, co-starring Fred Williamson who starred in so many awesome 70’s Blacksploitation films. Vaguely entertaining, but I hope Tarantino’s version is better.

Had a good moto lesson today with a nice girl and will teach her again tomorrow. When she inquired about buying a bike I suggested not to get anything smaller than 250cc and not to buy a new bike. She went out and bought a brand new piece of crap Kawasaki Eliminator 125. Whatever.

Going to hang out at Shameless Heather’s tonight. She’s lives in a sweet pad on the hill above Candlestick Park with a hot tub out back.

I think I'll take my own bike instead of Molly's SV now that I got a new tire. I missed riding her. Golly, I love that streetfighter!

Pancake breakfast fundraiser for Dustfish Burning Man camp tomorrow a.m. and then the moto lesson. After that I’m supposed to help my own Animal Control campmates work on projects…even though I’m not going to the Playa this year. I just want to be around and help out though.

8/14/2009 6:50:24 PM

Sitting in a cafe a couple blocks from the bike shop waiting for them to slap a new back tire on my moto. The day before my surgery I ran over a nail and my patch didn't hold air.
So now that I'm fresh back from 7 weeks not working and was pretty stoked to make a quick chunk of change training the LA lady and her son I had to go blow the whole wad on rubber. Shiiiit.
Well at least it wasn't because of a DPT ticket. Those bastards are ruthless. Given the choice I'd rather give $200 to the tire guys than $100 to the fucking pigs.

Anyway, I've got 2 motocycle lessons booked this weekend. ...You give some, you get some.
Ah, treading water is such delight.

I think I may need to go on a little jaunt this evening to break the tire in -and for the needed attitude adjustment. Or maybe I will go to the gym and sweat it out. Yeah, that’s probably more productive.

8/13/2009 8:32:23 PM

The movie last night was pretty funny. The Hangover. I recommend it.

I got another old client back at the JCC today, and my random LA prima donna lady called for a session too. She is in town for a few days so I ended up training her and her son. They booked for a session tomorrow too.

Today I got a wild hair up my ass and put an ad on Craigslist personals looking for a partner in crime to go on an evening ride up Mt. Tam. (a date of sorts) Of course all of the responses were scams except one. That was a “bi-curious” guy boasting about his collection of porn and offering to host. How nice. You’d think it wouldn’t be so hard to get a legit date on CL. WTF.

I received a text from this girl I had a couple dates with before my surgery. She’s a friend of a friend -I would say she’s my friend now too. She was in the neighborhood having a drink but I was getting stuff done at the café and didn’t want to spend more money on booze anyhow. When we finally spoke she described a really vivid dream she had the other night where she and I were having sex. She said she could even smell me. In the dream she was on top riding me but then I suddenly got up and left the bedroom. When she came out to see what was wrong she found me outside playing Frisbee. LOL Why am I not surprised?

Currently I’m sitting at home kinda bored, thinking about that motorcycle ride up Tam. Woulda been nice. That’s what happens to the boy who’s otherwise over-stimulated. Give him an empty house and an evening alone, he about tears his hair out. Maybe I’ll cook and rent a film.

8/12/2009 7:42:32 PM

A splendid evening last night. We finished off the keg alright. And about 5 bottles of wine, a magnum of Grey Goose (in fairness it was about ¾ down already), and god knows what else. I won every game of pool that I played except for the one with our host. You know I am drunk when I’m winning at pool.

The Rabbit ended up showing up with her brother and his boy of the evening. She had been on a date that ended pre-maturely. It was closer to 3am than 2 when the four of us got back to the Rabbit layer and I was passing out on the floor as a pizza went in the oven. -I never did see a bite of that thing. I don't really even remember crawling into bed.

Last I counted there were 28 emails today from attendees griping about hangovers. I was not exempt from that.

I had a productive meeting with Loopy this afternoon about my moto school web site which she’ll be taking over from the lunatic. And we discussed our trade for personal training as well.

Later I hit the gym for a satisfying workout followed by an even more satisfying schvitz.

...And now, dinner and a film.

8/11/2009 8:32:14 PM

Had a meeting with the surgeon today. We looked at my films (x-rays, MRI, CT scans) which confirmed I am progressing well. (whew!) He said I could begin to do most activities, urged some level of conservatism and cautioned against excessive twisting, reminding me that the healing process takes about 6 months.

No running yet of course. Probably not even yoga for a little while longer. It’s way too early plus I’m still quite inflexible. But the news was encouraging. It’s nice to know that I haven’t done something completely stupid and totally ruined all the top-notch surgical work.

After the MD meeting I was thinking to take the Rabbit out for a bite. We ended up back in the city at Red’s Java Hut on Embarcadero. What an odd choice. It just popped in my head as we discussed places with outdoor seating. We had burgers, onion rings and Budweiser beer served in plastic cups. Jeezus. I still have that fried crap after-taste. Way to take care of yourself, kid!

Okay, so go long; I’m throwing this one out deep…

In a previous journal I mentioned that I’ve been in a pretty horny phase and not getting what I crave. I am being satisfied in many regards, definitely, yet falling way short of fulfillment. I just get bored easily. Whining about it makes me feel bad but this is my journal so if I’m going to bitch this would be the place.

I realize it’s more than just being horny though. It’s something more. Somehow it involves a challenge or a struggle. Both physical and mental. I suppose this emptiness is what brought me to CM.com in the first place.

Reading the Masteryss’ journal entries from last night, I took some comfort knowing that I’m not the only one reaching for some satisfaction out there. Not that I take comfort in others’ dissatisfaction; it’s just good knowing that there’s not something particularly wrong with ME. Why does it elude us so in this age and land of plenty? Where’s the instant grat I was promised?!!

But really, I tend to believe that we are the only ones holding ourselves back from getting what we want, and with that in mind I must hold nobody accountable for satisfying my needs but me. Is it the methods which I lack? Or have I just been too entangled in other areas of my existence to concentrate on those deepest of urges??

Maybe the magic bong will know.

8/10/2009 9:15:20 PM

The surprise dinner on Tue. was great. It was a restaurant at some resort down in Woodside. We got to catch the beautiful sunset from their deck while waiting on our table. The restaurant is a client of Shaffy’s so they hooked us up with several extra dishes in addition to the wines, apps, mains and desserts we did order. We thought the bill would be close to $200 but when they brought the check it came to only $102. They really took care of us!

Wed. the camping began. Two locations, four nights. I just got back to town last night.

From Thursday:

Sitting by the campfire that I just created, listening to waves crash in the background, the Golden Gate Bridge is about 400 yards to the left. I've been camping at the Cove the past 2 nights. Last night -my birthin' day- was a full moon which, when it was high in the night sky created shadows in the trees and luminescence over the Bay.
The raccoons are so cute but fucking relentless. They slink right up as close to the camp as they can before we chase them away. You can see the eyeshine from their beady critter eyes when you sweep your flashlight up into the hills and in the trees behind us. It seemed like a game for them as we would get wrapped up in our conversations and laughter, then eventually hear the rustling of the ground cover over to our right. I would bark or snarl, sending them fleeing back to the tree line and it would start all over again.

This morning we found that those little bastards had clawed at the bottom of our lockbox and were able to get their paws in far enough to pull at the plastic trash bag on the bottom shelf. Same with the cooler which we thought we’d lodged pretty good under the picnic table bench. There was some trash and food packaging littered on the ground. I’m impressed. Tonight we’ll lock the shit up a lot tighter.

Thursday in the early evening we left camp for about 5 hours to attend a joint birthday party for me and Brother John back in the city. He is a year and a day older than me. The party was fun and pretty low maintenance as we ordered deep dish pizzas, Shaf made a delicious salad, and a bunch of people contributed booze.

Later, the sly Rabbit was able to Shanghai Monie back to camp and the three of us stayed up til dawn.

Needless to say we had a tough time waking and packing on Friday. We didn’t get out of the campgrounds ‘til 130 in the afternoon and I still had to shop/prep food for the weekend trip. Shafernackle was my ride down to Big Basin and I tested her patience as she was hoping to leave town by 330 but we actually got out of there closer to 630. Luckily we didn’t encounter much traffic on the 280.

I’ve never been to the Santa Cruz Mountains before. It is ridiculously pretty down there. And warm!! A far cry from the over-cast cove I’d just left.

After exiting the highway we drove through the touristy little town of Saratoga and then roads got nice and twisty as we started to climb into the mountains. Gawd, I really wanted to be on the bike! I was chomping at the bit for it, thinking about carving those turns like a Thanksgiving turkey. But I was a good boy and left the Hornet at home. The surgeon has yet to clear me for riding. (Somehow I don’t equate city riding to actual “riding.” How convenient for me.)

We showed up at camp just at dusk and were surprised to find that we had beaten half the crew. We got a tent up pretty quick and then I took my natural place by the fire. I pulled out my mack-daddy Leatherman and began sharpening an all-important pokey stick for weenies and marshmallows. By the end of the weekend I had spent so much time getting campfires going and keeping them to a pleasing volume that I began to aggravate the lungs a bit. -No doubt the marijuana and a few random cancer sticks didn’t help.

At peak we were something like 22 people. It was really a blast. All good pals except for one new girlfriend, I think. She was cool too. People took turns preparing either a brunch or a dinner as organized previously on a Google spreadsheet thanks to uber-organizer, Mikey P.

I rocked the Saturday night meal; a veggies, potatoes and kielbasa medley individually wrapped in foil with secret herbs and spices, then placed upon the ripe coals. And certainly, there was a veggies-only option. Mikey even arranged for a couple kegs; one of which still has about 5 gallons remaining. We plan to polish that off tomorrow night at the Armory, as P.A. (“Micromanager of Fire”) offered to host a special little gathering.

Saturday most of us went on a hike which we were told was a 3 mile loop that included a waterfall. I don’t recall any waterfall at all and that 3 miles was more like 5. I became concerned about my ability to go the distance but I did it and fortunately there were no negative repercussions. We got back to camp and I took a load off before getting to the meal prep. Also, I delegated jobs.

Both Friday and Saturday nights I was up until “the end” as it were. One of the last drunken stragglers, cackling by the fire, probably keeping others awake -if they were dumb enough to forget to bring earplugs. Peter started calling me “Firemaster” although it was he who was constantly piling more wood on the flames than was really necessary. I dubbed him “Micromanager of Fire.” Silly shit, hehe.

On Sunday we managed to depart the campgrounds relatively on time and a group of about 15 of us headed to a spot where we hiked into the woods to find this river to swim in. The other suckers had some obligation or other back in the city.

There were a lot of motorcycles on the road yesterday. At one point group of about a dozen sport bikes came up on our caravan and then one at a time, as the opportunity struck, they zipped past. Some, beefy twins with a big grunt; the majority were quick fours that sounded sweeeeet whipping past @ 8500 rpm in second gear. Zoom zoom zoom…! I felt like that pup with his head out the window and tongue wagging. Can I play?! Pleeeeeze?!!!

Again, I did okay on the hike and after the initial shock of jumping in cold water I warmed up enough to wade around the river for an hour before enjoying a pleasant sun drying process in the 80+ degree afternoon.

Our group grew slightly smaller for the trip into Half Moon Bay for a meal. -What the fuck were we thinking, driving up Rte. 1 on a warm summer Sunday?! Traffic, traffic, traffic. I swear it took us 25 minutes to go two miles. Then at the restaurant of (who’s?) choice: waiting, waiting, waiting. There was not another time I wished to be on my bike more than that. Get me the fuck out of this craptastic tourist trap!

On the way out we got snagged again as we approached Devil’s Slide and had to 180 due to an apparent 2-car accident that, as we later read, injured one lady quite badly. Poor woman. Nobody expects their beautiful Sunday afternoon to end up at intensive care. So we doubled back, left hooked onto 92 and then 280 north. Didn’t get back to SF ‘til 9ish.

After unpacking and some cleaning I met up with an out-of-town couple of friends for beerz. --It was a long weekend!

Meeting with the surgeon tomorrow.

The End.

8/7/2009 12:52:13 AM

8/4/2009 6:47:08 PM

So short, so quick…

Getting picked up in a few min. Shaffy’s taking me out for my birfday dinner. We’re going down to San Hoser or somewhere that has warmth and an outdoor deck to see the sunset.

I trained my first client in nearly 7 weeks today. It went well. I was excited to be back teaching again.

Got in a good workout mit der schvitz too. Ja, der schvitz!! Ist goodt. –I don’t really speak German but I can fake the fuck out of it.

I’ve been riding Mayhem’s SV around this week. It’s been a sweet little ride.

Oh shit, Shafnard just called. I’m supposed to go to her house…like NOW.

8/3/2009 8:19:08 PM

I woke up this morning to a text from an unknown number asking for an emergency jump on their car. I assumed it was someone I knew and since I had the time and some jumper cables I called. It turned out to be my friend Vanessa who I once rescued another time for different circumstances. (Actually that other one is a good story.)

I was in West Portal at Shafinator’s house this morning, Vanessa’s car was on Bayshore way across the city, and my cables were at my place somewhere in the middle. Oh, and I also had to drop my bike off at the Rabbit’s house another ¾ mile down the road from my place and grab her car as I was supposed to pick her up at SFO at 1pm.

Fortunately all of this darting about was in a relatively straight line from the first leg to the last. I did everything right and got over to V within an hour.

Unfortunately, the jump didn’t work; her battery was fried, and I had to drive her over to the tow place. Still, I was content to do the favor and I just had one done for me yesterday with the couch being lifted/delivered by Casey, Geoff and Doug.

Afterwards, I took the Rabbit’s car to the do-it-yourself carwash then picked her up at the airport.

As we ate breakfast we began to discuss camping for my birthday and of course an argument ensued. Shit, fuck, damn. That Rabbit can’t just talk logistics; she gets bent out of shape about every goddamn thing. It was a bit of a slap in the face after a weekend of doing good deeds for people. …Four trips to the airport, two cars washed (yeah, I washed Shaffy’s car too), and one rescue mission isn’t bad in 3 days.

So now I’m just waiting for the Rabbit to cool down and hopefully give me a call so we can work out those details.

I was really impressed by the Masteryss’ journal entry last night and it did bring some questions to the forefront of my mind. But I still have to figure out how to put those into words. Often tricky for me, hard as that may be to believe.

8/2/2009 10:53:32 PM

New housemate moved in today. I picked up our "new" couch too. The house looks like a disaster.

I was lazy getting out of bed this morning. Can't stop watching bondage porn on the interweb. I go through these phases. Something gets me riled up. In this case it's been the trading of messages w/ the Masteryss.
Other times I'd rather just go out and play.
In fact, around 6 tonight that's exactly what I did. I grabbed my soccer ball out of the closet and took it down to the Panhandle. I stayed there about an hour, just quietly kicking around and juggling. Got in a chat with a couple tourists too.

Earlier in the afternoon I was at the cafe researching web hosting companies since I have to move the motorcycle school site out of the hands of my former friend. (shit I still am so sad about that. The girl has issues though)
As I sat there I smelled someone's body smell and it was intoxicating. I kept trying to breathe it in deep. It was definitely a body smell, possibly mixed w/ light perfume? I don't know, but it was sweet and very alluring. I really hope it was a girl's, LOL. There were a couple cute, younger girls sitting nearby.

I just picked up Shaffy and Monie from SFO. They had an amazing weekend. Now I'm finishing my journal and I'll grab some food to cook over at Shaf's place. She's too tired to prepare food and I'm too poor right now to oblige her desire for sushi. --But sushi does sound yummy right now.
Fuck it, I'm making chili.

8/1/2009 11:58:57 PM

8/1/09

Dinner in Oakland last night was pretty enjoyable. I don’t know this couple super well but they are my friends from the bar; I’ve always gotten a good vibe from them and Geremy was cool about helping me get the SV running.

After that I went up to Sta. Rosa to see my high school friend. I really wanted to take my bike but I am still not clear to ride so although I’ve been tooling around the city it’s probably a stretch to get on the highway for an hour and change both ways. I drove up in Shaffy’s Prius. Boorrring!

The visit w/ Doreen was great. She doesn’t look a hell of a lot different from when we were 18. She had three companions on the trip with her, only one of whom was at least 21. They are in a Shakespeare class together at a local college in LA and their ultimate destination on this voyage is a Shakespeare festival up in Oregon. Doreen’s sister lives in Sta. Rosa, thus the stop-over there.

Anyway I hooked up with them at her sister’s place and even though I really don’t know any of them they had a piece of birthday cake and a card waiting for me. How sweet!

Later we all went to the Russian River Brewery. (You don’t have to be 21 to get in. They just card you at the bar.) I’d guess we spent a couple hours in the place. The kids hung out together while Doreen and I caught up. We had some good laughs as we talked about various classmates of ours. And other things. I finally got home around 230. Was getting dangerously sleepy towards the tail end of the drive.

This morning I had to get up at 930 to show the bike to a potential buyer. No sale but he may call back.

Later I was running errands around town (I had to feed someone’s kitties then get some stuff at Kragen). I drove past one of the bike shops in the Mission and there was a party spilling out onto the street so I pulled in. Turned out to be the 15-year anniversary of the shop and I knew several of the people there. They were cooking German sausages and serving beer out of a keg. I ended up staying for several hours.

Later I went to the Ace and spent another couple hours there. Played some pool. Won two out of three games.

Now, supposedly, I’m going to cook dinner but first I have to finish this journal. –Hopefully by midnight. I’d like to stay in favor with the Masteryss. It’s 1158 right now.

7/31/2009 7:17:03 PM

So quick must today's entry be as I'm due for a dinner w/ friends in Oak-town, and then...I'm supposed to meet my high school prom date in Sta. Rosa. She's passing through with a theater group or something. That should be a trip. I haven't seen her in...

It was bloody hell getting up at 515 to take Shafalafadingdong to the airport. And we also had to pick Monie up in the Pan Handle as they were flying to Seattle together. Half the crew is up there this weekend for a wedding. Maybe more. I'm sad to miss the celebrating.
Last night while on the phone w/ the Rabbit she mention that she had to fly out to San Diego this morning to meet her client and needed a lift to SFO at 930am. Aw shiit.

So I dropped my first load off, came back to the city and drove over to the Rabbit's house. I let myself in w/ my spare key and crawled into bed w/ her. I got some pets for my troubles. We slept another two hours and then got up and back to the airport I went.
All without coffee!
After that I had to hustle home, eat some quick breaky, then go teach a moto lesson. The guy was nice; a pulminologist. He rounded up $10 on my fee too. We were in a parking lot and then the city streets; together for a good three hours. He says he wants to pick up another several lessons in the next few months. Yippee!

I got to the gym around 430 and had a hard bike ride, hit the weights and got my schvitz too.

Now it's off to the evening shizzle after a shave.

And that's the way it was on July 31st, 2009.

7/30/2009 8:51:52 PM

Glorious day! (all except for having to get up at 9am)

I got Mayhem’s bike running, wahoo! But I can't take solo credit. My pal from the bar lent a hand and his expert knowledge. So we got ‘er going and I took the beaut to run a couple errands. I gave it an oil change, cleaned and adjusted the chain, a fresh bath…and I put an ad out on Craigslist. I really wish I could buy it myself. She could be my city bike -and to use for teaching lessons. If I only had a spare $3K lying around, shiiiiit.

After spending the whole day working on the bike I just had to bring it down to the local for a beer. One of the boys was kind enough to buy me a pint of suds and we spent the next hour and a half chatting it up with the Rob, the owner, Mia behind the bar and a couple other regulars.

Now I’m home waiting for this guy from Craigslist to come by and take my couch away. Bastard is nearly an hour late and hasn't called. My roommies and I decided to purchase a friend’s couch which is a step up in both style and comfort. It will change the face of our living room for sure.

Shaf-o-dil is coming by soon to take me to dinner. I promised I would get her to SFO at 6am tomorrow for her flight up to Seattle so she’s taking care of the evening meal. She knows what a horrible, horrible thing it is for me to get up early. (Note my whining above about getting up at 9 today.)

Once again, much thought was devoted to the Masteryss. It’s been about a week of exchanging text and she’s gotten me to write this journal every day too (which, honestly is a bit of a joy). How could She not be on my mind? I can’t help it. So many thoughts, so many fantasies. I don’t like getting carried away but, well, it is satisfaction that drives me. I told Her so. Strange that satisfaction for me involves the job of being the satisfier. Such is the life of my breed. Such is the frustration of a submissive spirit in the body and portrait of an otherwise masculine fellow.

But fuck it, I am allowed to be what I know I am. As the gay male is allowed to come out and say “heyyyyy!” I am allowed to say that I am ‘ME’ and I am ‘me.’ Those who know me really well know there is no clash. It’s one in the same. Arrrff!

7/29/2009 9:50:09 PM

There was less drama today. Yes, much less.

I spent an hour or so in bed this morning making calls, emailing The Masteryss, and arranging for things in my not-too-distant future…like my birthday next Wed. I’m not expecting much this year though, as last year was more birthday than anyone on the planet has ever had. (That’s the truth.)

Then Smiley and I walked to the Pork Store for some vittles before he left for the airport.

I’m still not cleared by the surgeon for riding but I had to get errands done today. It’s a roll of the dice I suppose. I went to grab a battery and regulator/rectifier from the shop for Mayhem’s bike. She wants it sold by Burning Man and I told her I’d help get ‘er running. So far no luck. (Or rather not enough skill on my part) Sweet bike though. A 2000 Suzuki SV650 with 6,500 miles. It’s just been sitting around for too long. If I get the engine started we’ll pull in some decent scrilla for it.

Silly Mayhem. She got her license up in Seattle in anticipation of moving here and because I ride, and she was hoping that we…well, that’s enough. Anyway, after flying to Portland where she bought it and riding it by herself up to Seattle –which takes a certain amount of balls- she somehow realized that she’s scared of riding. WTF?! When she moved to town I gave her some lessons and we took a couple rides. She did alright. But then she started going out with Pearldrops who, honestly, is kind of a weenie. I like him but he’s still a weenie. He has been trying to talk Mayhem into selling the bike since they began dating. So it sat there. And it sat there. And it sat there.

This evening I put in a lazy shift at the “Ask the Trainer” podium. Mostly I yapped to people and had my bestest pal John in as my guest. I got in a little workout beforehand which included a nice schvitz. Ah yes, the schvitz! It’s some combination of hot tub, Jacuzzi, and sauna. Very relaxing.

On the way home from the gymnasium I went to Trader Joe’s with thoughts of cooking but then the Rabbit, who’s been with camping with her other boy up north for 3 days called and demanded my presence. I’ll go. But she’s cooking, heh.

Wow, so hellova day! Hellova day. Whoever was not glued to this tale should get their head checked.

7/28/2009 2:48:12 PM

Last night was supposed to be a quiet evening.

…So close yet so far away.

It began innocently with drinks. This friend of a friend (also my pal) who had checked in on me several times throughout my recovery asked me out for bevvies. Our first friend who keeps bailing on our own plans to spend time together was exhibiting signs of bi-polar disorder and anger management issues regarding my hanging out with friend number two. Eventually, due to friend 1’s behavior friend 2 and I needed to change our meeting location so as to avoid drama. A collective dozen or so phone calls and two dozen texts later we were forced to shut our mobile devices off. It was all so creepy. I remain disappointed with the behavior of friend 1 and am puzzled as to how to resolve this issue outside of shutting her out.

I returned home from the bar to find the 18 year-old couch surfer along with my other two guests of the week (from Seattle) and my housemate. Immediately I knew what had to be done. We opened the first bottle of wine as I began to cook. I packed a bowl then started chopping vegetables. And yes, there was Sabbath in the background.

I made a pretty good salad with a beautiful dressing that included beer, and the pasta sauce was packed with nutrients and a powerful taste. The five of us spent the next 3 hours chatting, cackling and saturating ourselves.

Its fun to have house guests. That is, when I’m home long enough to spend time with them.

Today I'm just "gettin' shit dun" then I will go to the gym. Later, Shaffy and I will head to her folks' house in Marin as they are out of town this week and we're going to soak in the hot tub on the deck with the beautiful panoramic view.

I visited unseen.tv to view the photos by TheLadyMasteryss. There were just a few pics in each of Her galleries but I looked at them all. The Masteryss appears to have a lovely body. Really well proportioned which is such a gift, and great abs!

...Often, when I introduce myself to people they look at me like I'm trying to pull something over on them and they say in an accusatory tone "what's your REAL name?!" I think next time I'll respond with "My name is Crash but my friends call me 'Crazy Eye Pistol Waving Sonovabitch.' -Take your pick."

7/27/2009 12:00:38 PM

Last night I believe I was a bit rude to a Dominant on the East Coast who wrote me with a simple one word compliment. Kind of a smacking of the lips which I certainly appreciate. But in my drunken belligerence I thought about the weakness and lack of Dominance that a one-word compliment conveys. It appeared to me at the time unbecoming of a Dominant. (When really it was just friendly reaching out) So I spoke to her out of line -though intended with humor- without regard to the fact that it’s not possible for one to know another’s tone or the context of their words through email. I was feeling frisky and antagonistic. I get that way. There’s a cat in me somewhere, often looking for something to prey upon.

When this woman replied with “Excuse me?!” I came back to earth then responded in a more appropriate manner which I hope she will accept.

There is no need for others to become unhappy so that I may be entertained.

Which brings me to thoughts of the Mastery.

Last night when I got home I had an opportunity to read through several of the Mastery’s journal posts as well as listening to Nouvelle Vague’s version of “Making Plans for Nigel” and looking up Volhard’s P.A.T. I noticed that in all of the Mastery’s elaborate writings something which separates her from other Dominants is that she never uses her words to insult. It is not her style to gain power by making others feel worthless. She may call attention to ‘smallness’ but there is a difference. That is honorable, and appreciated.

On Sat. night I had a dream, most of which I don’t remember. But there was this segment where I was walking down the street and came upon a hill. Then I saw some runners across the street jogging up that hill. I got competitive and started to pounce on the hill too, pumping arms, controlled breathing, legs churning like a locomotive. “Steam train!” That’s one of my mantras.

And yesterday at the picnic there was playing. People were throwing Frisbees and footballs, having old time sack races too, hehe. I tossed a football around for awhile and later took a soccer ball by myself to an open patch of grass and started to juggle it, then work on my old fakes…gingerly of course. I started saying to myself “I want my gazelle back! I want my gazelle back!!” –So many animals am I. I don’t really know my breed. I think I just AM.

7/26/2009 7:26:08 PM

Got invited to dinner last night then some dancing @ Mighty but left by 1230 'cuz Shaf-o-dil was being whineypants and I had promised her the night. She relaxed later as the South Park movie was on tv @ home. Forgot to note that Fri was my first weight training workout in 6 weeks and it felt good to wake up a little sore on Sat. even though I did just a couple high-rep sets w/ light weights. Sore means "alive." I also left plenty of time for stretching and some kicking in the kiddie/old farts pool -and of course the hot tub. At dinner last night I spoke briefly w/ my most pervy friend and confidant, C (she used to top me at the start of our friendship) about The Mastery. She said "well I hope you're attracted to this person." Hm, interesting point. Anyway we'll chat more when there's more to chat about...and whenever we have some time to hang out. God, I love that girl. BBQ today in Alameda. Good times. Maybe only the 3rd time I've been there. And never to that park. I wrestled with another pup but the funny thing is we both got chastised as she is recovering from 2 torn ACL's and I am mending as well. Heh, its hard to keep the animals from having fun.

7/25/2009 8:24:54 PM

The Rabbit and I were at a house party til late last night. We ended up in the "den." You know that comfy place where the cool kids go to escape the masses. This guy Cam was pretty high on something. Said it was 2CB. I told him I've always been curious to try it so he handed me a pill. Nice guy, that Cam. It was far too late in the evening for pill popping however, and I was scheduled to teach a motorcycle lesson at noon today. Fortunately I had left an 'out' with the student as far as starting time; both of us in agreement that our Fridays could go late and neither of us being morning people anyway.
Outside the den was a young couple on a couch. The girl got touchy with me and our interaction unintentionally left the boy out. The boy eventually slinked away. Then another girl came in. They began to molest me under the guise of helping to “heal me.” It was fun. Then the Rabbit came in and had that look on her face, sort of a sunny smirk: “naughty pup.” I was totally innocent of course. We departed around 3am (both of us had to get up earlyish) leaving those two girls and a third on the couch climbing all over our host, Casey.

As I lay in bed this morning I realized I had gotten hard thinking about this new development with the Mastery which came on quite suddenly this week. I haven’t had any connections on Collarme for a year and a half. Honestly I just don’t put myself out there as I’m oddly uncomfortable with the approach. It has always felt awkward and out of character which probably is why I rarely meet girls via my own advances. More often from a situational –uh, situation. Like a party or working with them or at Burning Man high as a kite at 4am on an art car, hehe.

This makes me wonder about women who fancy themselves dominants. There are so many of them on Collarme yet few bother to approach other than a wink here or a comment there. But I am getting too deep and my friend has been waiting for me in the living room for ten minutes. We’re due for a dinner engagement and I told her I had to get some shit done first.

7/24/2009 2:18:13 PM

I just spent a half hour looking for that stupid device you stick your SD card in to upload photos with. It’s probably in the living room where my couch surfer remains passed out. We used it last night so it’s definitely around SOMEWHERE.

And last night…My two pals came over to “cook” dinner as part of the continuing “Feed Crash Through His Re-hab Process” program. Mayhem phoned and asked what I might like to eat. I told her that fish could be nice. So when she and Pearldrops showed up they brought fucking fishsticks and some Indian food in the foil pouches that you heat up by dunking in boiling water for a couple minutes. Classy.

At least they brought broccoli to steam and we had a good time. I made salad and a yummy/healthy dessert.

Then the 18-y.o. couch surfer showed up. She was cool, mature, and pretty cute so the four of us enjoyed ourselves.

I broke out the weed which I had sworn off for a couple weeks. I only made it a week and a half. Dang. But hell, it was a fun night which included wine and going through my old costume box. I’ve been trying to purge of late so I let Mayhem take a blonde wig and this dress which I didn’t know where I had gotten it from. …Turns out it belongs to X and she wants it back. Aw shit.

In the shower this morning I got a fresh shave “down there” and it made me feel sexy/tingly. Thoughts swirling around my head of service making me kinda hot. It has been a long time since I’ve been in service to one. At least in the real sense. I have been out of commission for too long and everything’s been difficult. I lost my energy. Not all of it. But there was this feeling of limbo; of waiting ‘til the one day when things would be fun again… I was the barking pup waiting to get out of his cage; the little birdie with it’s wings clipped. I was in this tunnel of chronic pain knowing that there was a light at the end but still being in the tunnel. Now I do see the light.

It is interesting to me that the Masteryss has presented herself at this time. She found me and is helping me remember –things.

I just found that device! It was in my pants pocket. Now I can upload pics. All is well.

I’ve gotta get to the gym.

7/23/2009 12:19:51 PM

I saw a pretty incredible film last night called "Hurt Locker" which depicts in a very real way an American Army bomb squad in Iraq. It brings home the intensity and insanity of war -particularly this war- like no other film I've seen since and possibly including "Saving Private Ryan." War is awful.

Today I will get on my motorcycle for the first time in nearly 6 weeks. -Sadly, just to bring it for a servicing. ...Patience, good pup. Much riding will happen soon.

I am inspired by the apparent amount of time that the Mastery has put into her journals and the eloquence in which she does it. She is a talented writer.

7/22/2009 8:41:26 PM

I am grateful for the consideration of the Mastery, to be in her good graces and for the kind thoughts with regard to my health. I am healing fast and I will be very strong. VERY strong. The power and energy the Mastery bestows will help.

11/29/2007 7:38:41 PM

He is the unruly pup. The monkey swinging from the trees. But when she approaches he drops to his knees.
Swiftly he runs like a gazelle or a cheetah.
Who could slow little beastie down? Only his Leader.

8/2/2007 3:48:20 AM

Seeking domination by female.
Yep.
It wasn't until I was in my 20's and already feeling strange about the typical male-female relationship that I remembered this game I used to play with my girl neighbor & playmate. I would ask her to tie me up and it felt really tingly! That was when I was about 5 or 6. Jeezus, I don't even remember having sexual urges at that time but it's clear that's what it was.
It's odd I've been hunting for this same satisfaction ever since. Too bad I am so timid about it.

crazy	Crafty	crawltoser
crash46	CraftyDom	crazzy92
craves2ser	crazywicke	Craftmaste
craving4yo	craigfs	cracker198


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TrishaLumbo

Age: 29

London, United Kingdom