Hello My Beloved friens,I have been trying to post my journals for 3 days but i couldn't so i hope i can this morning,I am testing to see if this greeting will post. :-))

Before i post the topic of the day,i want to take this opportunity to thank everyone who has messaged me with questions.. It is always my pleasure to answer them with honesty.  I am humbled by the fact that you are interested in what i post  either information or my personal life.. I think there are alot of very intelligent good people who are curious about different things,and although some people may take offense to personal questions being asked of them but i take no offense at all because i want to share my experience,knowledge and life with others who are curious and interested,plus i have nothng to hide,and i am NEVER embarrassed of speaking of Master or about our relationship..

If you met me in real life i would be the same exact person as i am here.  I feel if you can't be honest online to a certain extent without worrying about safety issues and you can make yourself something you are not online just to impress someone else then to me you are not an HONEST person PERIOD!  I agree with not telling everyone online all your personal history and information for safety reasons,i get that,but what i do not RESPECT is someone who makes themselves out to be a whole new person who they are not and then go off and find some poor innocent vulnerable person and proceed to throw them all the lies for example; Someone who has never been DOMINANT in their whole entire life and really has no clue what BDSM is all about comes online and instantly becomes this very experienced knowledgeable Master/Mistress who has owned many subs/slaves in REAL LIFE and online and deceives some poor innocent sub/slave who is new but is seriously looking for a Master/Mistress to start a committed relationship with

Then in the end the sub/slave finds out the hard way that the Master/Mistress they have become to TRUST and Love is not really a Master/Mistress at all and is CRUSHED by the lies and deceit while the THE WANNABE could care less and moves on to their next victim leaving the poor sub/slave broken hearted and picking up the pieces of their life all because some WANNABE/PLAYER was on a POWER TRIP! and could use and ABUSE some sub/slave and when they find out the TRUTH which can and will happen the WANNABE eventually moves on drops out of sight and changes their ID and becomes a whole different person,but this time is a very experienced sub/slave.

So i understand and highly reccommend that you don't give all the details and personal inforation to anyone online but you can be HONEST with people and not put on this persona of someone you are not.Just be yourself and i PROMISE you Ladies And Gentlemen when you can be yourself your TRUE DOMINANCE or SUBMISSION will shine through for all to see.  And i put my WORD on it :-))

Thank you all again for your questions and i hope i did answer them for you and if not i will certainly do my best.

God Bless You All.May He send His many blessings down upon you,your Loving families,and Your partner. :-)) xoxoxoxo! 

              ~slave_brends/slave_to_Master_John~

I was asked by a sweet male submissive what type of rules i have to follow and would i be so kind as to share them here. :-))  First i would like to say THANK YOU! for your question and i will be more than happy to share rules i follow on a daily basis with everyone here.

                            ~Rules I Follow Daily~

1) I am NEVER to DISRESPECT or DISOBEY! Master at any time and if i do I will be SEVERELY PUNISHED!

2) I Am NEVER to Look Master in the eyes unless commanded to do so

3) I am To Bathe Master on a daily basis without any sexual advances toward Master unless commanded to do so,After Master is finished with His Shower/Bath I am to dry Him off without making any sexual advances toward Him without His EXPLICIT! permission and I am to lay His clothing out for the day the night before and Dress Master Daily.

4) I am to prepare all meals for Master and serve Him before myself and while Master is eating His meals i am to sit quietly at His feet with my leash attached to His chair

5) I am NEVER to speak unless spokent to unless i have a problem,issue,concern or if i am sick,then i politely ask Master if I may speak to Him freely because i have something very important to discuss with Him

6) I am to remain Polite and RESPECTFUL at all times to Master,friends,family,guests ETC No bad language will i use infront of Master,friends,family or guests,for DISREPECT constitutes SEVERE AND HARSH PUNISHMENT

7) I am to ask PERMISSION for everything i do regardless of what it may be such as using the bathrom,eating,sleeping,going out with my BEST FRIEND ETC. Failure to do so will result in any/all priviledges be taken away until Master deems it Fit to issue them back to me

8) I am to be ready to serve Master in all ways and be attentive on a daily basis whatever Master wants I will respond quickly and respectffully

9) I am to be used by Master at any time,any day in any way He wishes and use any impliment or tool He may deem necessary for His pleasure

10)I will OBEY! and COMPLY to all commands,Orders without argument.question or hesitation

11) I will show Master RESPECT while we are out among the VANILLA public and community,i will remain on my BEST behavior and NEVER embarrass or draw un-wanted attention toward Master and myself

12) I will  show RESPECT to other Masters/Mistresses however i am in no way obligated to address any Master/Mistress SIR OR MA'AM to show my respect,however, i will remain polite at all times and say PLEASE,AND THANK YOU,as long as i show BASIC RESPECT toward other Masters/Mistresses as i would RESPECT anybody i may come in contact with

13) I will not choose my own clothes on a daily basis,i will wear what Master picks out for me regardless if i approve of the type,color or style of clothing,My only GOAL is to please Master and make Him HAPPY. nothing is about ME it is all about HIM

14) I will address My Dominant as MASTER at all times unless Master states otherwise

15) I am NEVER to ask for any type of pleasure be it social,sexual, i will be patient until Master gives me permission to enjoy social and sexual activities

16) i will be subjected to any type of HUMILIATION Master desires for His entertainment and amusement

17) When i am PUNISHED and after my PUNISHMENT has ended i will THANK Master for Loving and caring enough about me to correct me and my bad behavior

18) I will WORSHIP! Master,however,i NEVER think of Master as a GOD Or  MY GOD,I  just serve Master as my OWNER and WORSHIP Him as such,for Master realizes that there is only 1 TRUE MASTER in all of our lives and that is JESUS CHRIST! and i will ALWAYS Worship GOD ALMIGHTY! For He is my number 1 MASTER

19) I Will be lent out to other Masters/Mistresses for DOMESTIC DUTY ONLY! I will OBEY! The Master Or Mistress as i do my own,and I will Address them as SIR OR MA'AM.However,i am NEVER to be used SEXUALLY by any other Master/Mistress. I am at their home for DOMESTIC SERVICES ONLY! any DISOBEDIENCE or DISRESPECT from me will result in SEVERE AND HARSH Punishment from my Master when i arrive Home and the Master/Mistress gives a report to Master_John

20) Before entering any room where Master is present i must knock on the door and ask very politely if i may enter?

These are the bvasic rules i follow on a daily basis and whatever i do i want you all to remember that iit is CONSENSUAL on my part,so there is no mis-understanding.or mis-conceptions ;-))

             ~slave_brenda/slave_toMaster_John~

                     ~Learning The Lifestyle~

The  people who live this lifestyle like myself and Master_John and i am sure everyone here are no less HUMAN then VANILLA People who are not.  This lifestyle is not just CRAZY SEXUAL DEVIANTS who should be in jail,nor a bunch of WEIRDOS which i have been called many times along with FREAK!! and we are stuck on past ABUSE issues.  The vast majority of us in the lifestyle are INTELLIGENT,NORMAL every day people.  We hold jobs,get married and have kids.  At some point we too felt the same or simuliar emotions as our VANILLA counter parts

Many people will jump in with both feet without thinking,they are just to eager and inexperienced and have no clue yet as what this lifestyle is really all about.  If you are new just entering into BDSM the best thing you can do once you realize what your desires are is to be PATIENT!!

TAKE YOUR TIME! and i cannot STRESS this enough.  It is a hard often PAINFUL road when you begin to learn who you are.  Tone down those desires and start slowly.  Talk with many different people and read as much information as you can and gain knowledge.  Talk over what you have read with people who have been in this lifestyle longer and has some experience and knowledge (Like Myself) 

Digest what you have read,think about it and compare it to your own inner emotions.  Learn yourself and how you feel.  Learn your desires and how to voice them and try to understand where you are and where you would like to go.  ASK! your questions dont hide them.  Remember that the only STUPID! question is the one not asked.  Try to remember that each person in this lifestyle had to learn the same things at some point (including myself) ASK more experienced and knowledgeable people about it.  Some may be more than happy to share their beginnings with you,i certainly would if anyone asked me :-))

Take in all this information compare it to your own thoughts and feelings and decide what is right for you.  Give yourself the time and the space to learn and you will reach the point where you are comfortable and secure with these emotions and with expressing them.  You have begun a journey of discovery,one that will often bring you GREAT pleasure as well as GREAT Pain.  One the will delve deep into the hidden recesses of your own heart and soul.  The  dark places you never dared to go before.  It is a journey,a growth and acceptance.  It takes time to grow,so give yourself that time and you will be much happier in the long run.

              ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

                    ~Expectations Of A Slave~

This is about your expectations as a slave,what you expect of your Owner and what you can expect from yourself.  It is about the role of your Owner and your role as a slave.  You placed your life in the hands of your Owner and all the TRUST and RESPECT that goes with the responsibility as your Owner.  It is a very strong part of who you are and what you believe and feel.  It is YOU! and this is what you should expect from your M/s relationship to be able to be at your fullest potential.  You may copy this and modify it to fit  to your specifications of yourself and your Owner

I expect to bend to your will and to serve You for Your pleasure which brings me pleasure in return.

I expect that if i should fail toOBEY! You or Please You that You will PUNISH me in ways You deem necessary.

I expect You To Administer PAIN in whatever form solely for Your pleasure should You feel this desire.  However, i expect that You will draw a clear line between PUNISHMENT and PLAY.  I expect You to understand the level and type of PAIN/CONTROL/STIMULATION i want to feel as discussed between us and if i have not expressed myself clearly or completely.  I expect that You will ask and then receive clarification from me

I expect You to RESPECT me as a person and understand that my slavery and obedience is not an admission of WEAKNESS,IGNORANCE or INABILITY

I expect to be reminded of my slavery to You when You feel that i need to be reminded and to have the right to remind You of it as well.  When i feel as if i am un-anchored in myself and feel a need to be reigned back in

I expect You to explore limits: SEXUALLY,EMOTIONALLY and MENTALLY if and when You feel it is appropriate

I expect You to issue orders that will force me to examine and push a limit i may have which would bring You pleasure for me to OBEY! to

I expecty to serve Your pleasure in all ways and to use whatever tools or impliments you see fit and i expect You to work with me toward complete and total OBEDIENCE and COMPLIANCE to You.  This is what i desire deep inside and it is what i NEED to feel to be completely whole as a slave

I expect You to set RULES,BOUNDARIES,and GUIDELINES for me as You see fit and if i should ever break a RULE,BOUNDARY or GUIDELINE or try to TOP from the BOTTOM i expect You NOT to allow me to get away with it and punish me SEVERELY with any impliment  You deem necessary unless You find it entertaining or amusing to You.  I expect You to understand that i NEED more than anything to give thatCONTROL completely and unconditionally without question.argument or hesitation from me and that it makes me feel good to do so

I expect open and honest communication be it good,bad or indifferent and this relationship will be built on more than SEX and PLAY! and also on mutual RESPECT and TRUST  These things are essential to any good,strong,healthy,growing relationship.  I ask You with total RESPECT that You communicate with me about Likes/Dislikes and Intentions You may have and i am allowed to feel the freedom to do the same with You in return

I expect PLAY TIME as well as work time,I expect to laugh as well as cry,I expect You to mark my body if You feel like it and to be 100 percent honest with me if i feel like play and You do not

I expect You to grow and change as i do in Your own way

I expect You to understand these expectations and if You do not understand them,i expect that You will accept what i have said here and be honest with me about Your feelings about it, in that we will both feel free to be ourselves.

              ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

  ~Bringing BDSM Into An Existing VANILLA Relationship~

Bringing BDSM into an existing VANILLA relationship is challenging and often difficult.  If approached realistcally and slowly it can be done.  There are 2 things you should do when bringing BDSM In your existing relationship.

The first thing is to learn as much as you can.  Read books,websites,discussion lists and attend group meetings (if any is available in your area)  Ask as many questions as you want to.  The BEST way to learn is seek the information.  However,do not fall into the common trap of reading just 1 website or listening to 1 persons view on BDSM and think that is the only way to have a BDSM relationship because that is UNTRUE! 

A BDSM relationship must be tailored to those involved in it.  If it is not the relationship will not last long and it will fail.  After finding all this information think about it and compare it to how your instincts inside feel,think of whether or not it is a workable idea in your life situation.

For example: You may LOVE the idea of a sub/slave walking around NAKED only weaing a collar all the time.  But it may not be practical if you have children in the house.  So think of ways to compromise and still achieve the effect you want that fits with your way of living.

The second most important step is TALK.  Talk to your partner honestly,discuss new ideas and ways of doing things that would fit with your lifestyle.  Discuss feelings and thoughts on the different things you discover.  Decide together what goal you would like the relationship to reach then talk about ways of reaching that goal.  This is as much a learning experience for the new Dom/Master  Domme/Mistress as it is for the new sub/slave.  It is EXTREMELY important that all the people involved be able to discuss how they feel or what they think of the relationship,how it is developing and where it will go

Be prepared to have rough times while each of you adjust to your new roles in the relationship.  It is not easy to become comfortable with SUBMITTING or DOMINATING for those who are new to it,  Each one must overcome the things they have been taught which hamper such growth.

For example: a female sub/slave may have to overcome being taught to rely only on herself and a Male Do/Master may have to overcome being taught that to hit a woman under any circumstances is WRONG! (If it is not CONSENSUAL it is)

Discuss those difficult times and work through them together.  If it means slowing the BDSM down a bit then do so.  It can and will become STRONGER on its own.  What is most important is keeping the TRUST and COMMUNICATION alive.

Also keep in mind that BDSM is MENTAL and EMOTIONAL,they are there whether they are acted on at that moment or not.  You dont need to push a million and one ways of proving the relationship on a daily basis.  So if RITUALS are not something you like then dont think you must have them just because others do.  Dont think you must be DOMINANT at all times and exerting that CONTROL usually it is not necessary.  A D/s or M/s relationship must be satisfying to both parties,achieving that mutual satisfaction can be tricky but it can be done

I wish you the very best of luck,and PLEASE let me know how it works for you :-))

         ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

Hello,my beloved friends i apologize for not being here in a few days,Master has kept me busy and i have been sick the last 2 days,but I go to the dr.s this morning.  I will certainly be back tomorrow and post another Topic of the day and actually i will even give you the title of it now,ohhh the antisipation lolol  ''BRINGING BDSM INTO AN EXISTING RELATIONSHIP''  I pray  you all have been well and i have missed coming here and posting,but i promise to be back tomorrow you all have a GREAT! Tuesday,Be Good to one another and take care of each other,oh before i forget my punishment is over :-)) I Love you all very much,i thinkyou are all AWESOME People and very special and unique. :-))

         slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

Todays Topic is about Something we all do and that is ''WORRY''

                                ~WORRYING~

One of the least helpful ways to stop worrying is to try hard not to think about the things we are worrying about.  We cannot push away our worries with our minds.  When i lay in my bed worrying about an up and coming task,Order ETC i cannot stop my worries by saying to myself: DONT THINK ABOUT THESE THINGS,JUST FALL ASLEEP.  Things will work out fine tomorrow,my mind simply answers HOW DO YOU KNOW? and is back worrying again.

 You might give it the following interpretation: If you want to worry,worry about things that are worth the effort,worry about larger things than than your up and coming appointment,a meeting,etc

As soon as we set our hearts on these things our minds stop spinning . Indeed we cannont prolong our lives by worrying about yesterday and tomorrow because yesterday has passed and tomorrow has not arrived yet,however we can move far beyond the boundaries of our short life span and claim inner happiness and peace. Does that put an end to our worrying? probably not! as long as we are in our world full of tentions and pressures our minds will never be free from worries,but when we keep returning with our hearts and minds to GODS Embracing LOVE  we will be able to keep smiling at our own worrisome selves and keep our eyes and ears open for the sights and sounds of the kingdom.

You all have a GREAT! Day and remember to LOVE,RESPECT and treat each other with kindness! :-)) xoxoxoxo

                           ~STUPID_SLAVE~

                       ~Training Techniques~

The following information was so graciously given to me from Master before punishment,He wanted me to share His techniques His uses and lives by with all of you in His own words.. I am copying from what He wrote for me.This information comes from Master PERSONALLY and if anyone is interested please feel free to copy this and use it in your M/s relationship. This is STRICTLY! in His own words not mine.

RESPECT for the slave is very important in this phase of a relationship.  As a Master You are attempting to bring out the BEST in your slave,not break her spirit and turn her into a mindless robot

Even in training there are certain guidelines that are useful.  They are as follows..

1) NEVER strike a slave in the face,a light to medium open hand slap below the neck is normally sufficient to handle the job.  You can place your hands on her face to make her look at You.

2) NEVER break skin on purpose.  If you do handle it immediately after punishment is finished.  Soothe the scrapes and wounds with lotion,talking softly and gently to your slave

3) NEVER! leave a bound slave unattended, Accidents can happen and the slave is in no position to assist themselves

4) NEVER! discipline and punish out of ANGER!  That has been covered By My own slave in the past

5)NEVER! engage in BDSM activities under the influence of DRUGS or ALCOHOL,This also pertains to the slave as well as the Master

6) Always explain why the discipline and/or punishment is occuring to your slave.  Discipline and/or punishment must occur for a specific reason to arbitrarily discipline/punish your slave breaks down her trust in you as her Master

7) The punishment should fit the infraction

8) Discipline/Punishment should always be followed with tenderness and Love.  The infraction has been dealt with and is in the past.  As a Master,DO NOT hold a grudge against your slave,allow your slave to be forgiven

There are a large number of techniques that Masters use.  These vary from couple to couple.  One technique that I Use with My slave Brenda is I bind her hands above her head,bind her feet together and with the flat of My Hand SPANK!! her from her shoulders to her ankles,front and back.  This is a very effective way of getting her attention

REWARD is also very important.  Correct actions must be rewarded by You (THE MASTER) otherwise your slave has no incentive to OBEY your instructions.  You could give your slave a single red rose (I do this One all the time) A note left on the computer (Another One I Do for My slave),Or a Loving caress.  The reward will depend on the slave and the action which pleases You.  Once in a while you will find a good sensual spanking is a reward.  This is why you must know your slave well.  Every slave is different,just as the Master

It is very difficult to give step by step instructions on how to DISCIPLINE/PUNISH a slave.  If more correction is needed do not hesitate in esculating your actions.  Use the amount of correction necessary to punish for the infraction whatever that may be.  However,do not threaten punishment.  Apply it,Your slave will RESPECT You to a greater degree.  If your slave goes beyond what you expected reward her accordingly.  Remember the strength of a Master lies in His Love for His slave.

                             Be Well Everyone

                             ~Master_John~

Hello my beloved friends :-))  I am nervous about having SEX with my best friend on Saturday but i have a way to get through this without actually becoming physically SICK! to my stomach.. i will detach myself from the sexual activity meaning i will be there physically but not emptionally and mentally.  i will put myself mentally and emotionally in another place doing another activity such as Serving Master or going out with Him to a munch or dinner ETC i will go through the motions but my mind and heart will be in another place doing something i enjoy rather then making my best friend cummm.  This is how i will get through it without becoming physically sick.  I am not even going to think about it i am just going to do it until she cumms then after that i will rinse my mouth out and it's over..

I have talked with Master about this and He thought that was a good idea to help me get through it more easily. :-))  I am doing this for MASTER surely not myself,and as i stated yesterday He has been patient and has not pushed this HARD LIMIT for 11 years so now it is time to PUSH IT and that is more then FAIR!! He has waited and waited and NEVER said a word about it or even brought it up in conversation but now this is what He really ants so i will do it.it is not unreasonable and i will still have to lick Lindas feet and boots but thats nothing for me to do i can handle that.

I will be back later to post my topic of the day Master wants me to run some errands this morning but He gave me permission to come back here and post my topic of the day,so i will see you all later.. Have a WONDERFUL! day.Take care of yourselves and each other and always remember that you are a SPECIAL person and deserve to be happy :-)) xoxoxoxo!!!

                       ~IGNORANT_STUPID_BITCH~

Good Morning My Beloved Friends :-)) Well it finally happened,Master is giving me a DIRECT ORDER! to have sex with my BEST FRIEND Linda,I was hoping this day would never arrive but its here.. I have consensted to it because i know how much Master wants this,though He NEVER! forced me into it, i  want to make Him happy,so Linda will come over our Our house this weekend.  Master will be here to supervise the session to make sure it does not get out of control.  The good news is i only have to make her cumm once then it is over!! and this will be on a regular basis.  Every Saturday.. I guess it was time and i knew in the back of my mind it would eventually happen someday,and Master has been very good about not pushing it because it is a HARD LIMIT of mine,but i knew someday it would happen and that someday is Here.  I will do it willingly and happily for Master so He will be pleased with me.. No toys will be used,only my mouth tongue and fingers thats it so it wont be to bad i can handle making her cummm 1 time. i can do this ans will do this,though i really HATE! it it is something Master has been patient about for 11 years so it was time to push this HARD LIMIT! plus i TRUST! Master and Linda with my life,so i know things will go well :-))

Now time to post my daily topic.. You all have a GREAT! Day and be good to one another and treat each other with RESPECT and KINDNESS :-))

                        ~Rules Of Conduct~

Below i wil be listing 3 rules of conduct for a slave to follow,however I realize that every M/s relationship is different and Every Master/Mistress has their own set of RULES OF CONDUCT for their slave to follow,but i thought i would post these so new couples starting a M/s relationship will have a guideline to follow and if anyone is interested you may copy this,modify it to fit your new M/s relationship and use i,if not then i hope you enjoy reading this entry :-))

The 3 rules of conduct are as follows..

PRIVATE RULES OF CONDUCT

PUBLIC RULES OF CONDUCT

WORK RULES OF CONDUCT

                   ~Private Rules Of Conduct~

On days when the Master/Mistress is a work,the slave will greet their Master/Mistress kneeling at the front door wearing a shirt of their Master/Mistress,Collar,wrist restraints and blindfold.  The female slave will not wear a bra or panties and the Male slave will not wear underpants in the presence of their Master/Mistress unless given permission to do so.  On days when the Master/Mistress is home the slave will wear whatever clothing is deemed appropriate by their Master/Mistress.  When the slave is in the same room as their Master/Mistress the slave will ask permission before leaving the room,explain where he/she is going and why.  At mealtimes the slave will serve their Master/Mistress and sit on the floor at their Masters/Mistresses feet,while their Owner eats.  Food for the slave will be given by their Master/Mistress at His/Her discretion.  When the slave is speaking to their Master/Mistress or being spoken to by their Owner the slave will assume a demeanor of ALERT ATTENTION and will keep their eyes lowered unless their Master/Mistress instructs them to do other wise

                     ~Public Rules Of Conduct~

The slave will conduct him/herself at al times in such a manner to not call unwanted attention to their Owner and themselves,and the slave will address their Owner by their first name or Sir/Ma'am if the use of Master/Mistress is inappriate.  The slave will not dress him/herself before going out in public,the Master/Mistress will chose clothing for the slave that is appropriate to be seen out in public. Female slaves will not wear panties and Male slaves will not wear underpants

                         ~Work Rules Of Conduct~

The slave is to conduct him/herself in a manner calculated to bring HONOR and RESPECT to them both.  During periods of work the slave is permitted to schedule appointments,to dress in a manner appropriate for work and to leave the house when necessary.  During periods of work the slave may answer the phone and discuss business without the expressed permission of their Master/Mistress.

With My Signature below i agree to accept and OBEY all preceeding rules as well as any rules My Master/Mistress may choose to issue at a later date.  I gratefully consign myself to my Master/Mistress at all times and to OBEY and RESPECT My Masters/Mistresses Rules Of Conduct Privately,Publicaaly And My work

Signature Of Slave__________

Date___________

I accept My slaves desire to service Me more fully and take responsibility for His/Her well being,training,discipline and punishment to more perfectly serve My will

Signature Of Master/Mistress_________

Date___________

Good Evening my beloved friends :-))  While Master is having His dinner,He has ordered me to come here and write a TRIBUTE to Him, showing my appreciation to Him for owning such a STUPID IGNORANT SLUT!! WHO DOESNT PAY ATTENTION AND DOES NOT LISTEN TO WHAT HE SAYS and to THANK Him for LOVING me enough to PUNISH ME, so without further a do Here is my TRIBUTE TO MASTER

My Dearest Master,

Thank You for sharing your life,time and home with me,and THANK YOU for collaring such a STUPID_PIECE_OF_SHIT of a slave like me for 11 years..  I know i am not worthy of your Collar,Time.,Life and Love especially Now for DISOBEYING You and not paying closer attention to what you are saying to me..  Master, You have been and will always be my STRENGTH,my eyes when i cant see,my voice when i can not speak and the beat of my heart..

I realize you can do so much better than me,find a more OBEDIENT ATTENTIVE slave but i want you to know Master my Love that i will do whatever it takes to win your forgiveness and be worthy of Your collar once again.. THANK YOU for your very harsh PUNISHMENT it was necessary to correct my behavior and point me in the right direction.  I Love You Master with every part of my being,You will always be SUPERIOR to me,and i will always be a NOTHING OF A SLAVE! who is grateful to have such a GOOD,KIND,LOVING Master as yourself.  It is and has always been an honor to kneel before you on a daily basis and serve You and try to make  You as happy as you make me.  I have alot of work to do to gain back your FORGIVNESS for i know DISOBEDIENCE and DISRESPECT are the 2 most major INFRACTIONS a slave can commit and takes the longest time to forgive,but as GOD is my witness,i PROMISE and PLEDGE to you here and now my Master i will work long and hard to gain your forgiveness back and once again have your APPROVAL.

Disappointing You in any way and seeing the disappointment on Your Handsome Face hurts more then any lash from a whip or flogger could.. You are the Love of my Life,my Soulmate,Best Friend,Lover,and Master and i am deeply sorry for any unhappiness and disappointment i may of caused you,and i know better,i really do or should after 11 years of loyal and faithful service..  I want everyone to know here how much i appreciate you,RESPECT you,ADMIRE You and LOVE You and no other Master would keep a DISOBEDIENT STUPID FUCKING IGNORANT SLAVE like myself so i am very thankful i have you Master.  Please accept my sincere apology of my DISOBEDIENCE as i kneel before You and kiss Your feet out of my deepest LOVE,DEVOTION,and RESPECT.  Thank You Master for all you do,What you bring to my life,and what you mean to me today and ALWAYS.

               ~Your  DISOBEDIENT_STUPID_SLAVE~

Good Morning my beloved friends :-))  Once again Master made me post another HUMILIATING Picture for your viewing pleasure! :-)) Also Master and i are going to start with SPEECH RESTRICTION when i chat with Him at His office during the day and when we are at home and out in public my answers will be short and sweet YES MASTER,NO MASTER however if i have a problem,issue,concern I may say to Him,MASTER,MAY I SPEAK WITH YOU? or YOUR STUPID_CUNT WOULD L;IKE TO SPEAK WITH YOU!! other then that it is YES MASTER And NO MASTER,and i am allowed to send Him 5 Emails while He is working so i may not talk to much,because i do talk alot so this will be exciting,erotic and fun for me.Master keeps me on the edge of ORGASM constantly and this will add to the FRUSTRATION for me :-)) Now i will post todays topic,and may you all have a SAFE Good Tuesday,and be good to one another and SMILE! its free and you may just receive one in return like this :-))

                           ~Emotional Safety~

PAIN! is not all physical,sometimes it is in your heart and mind as well and sometimes these scars are the hardest to heal.  Here are some tips to lessen your chances of getting them in the first place.

1) BE HONEST!.. with yourself and your prospective partner.  Never be ashamed to admit you dont know something,or to ask questions.  If you are looking for a 24/7 D/s or M/s relationship Dont tell a prospective partner you want a casual play partner.  If you are looking for Love and romance be up front about it,if you are dishonest about what you want it is not only YOU who could get hurt in the long run

2) NEVER! reveal too much information about your personal life to anyone online,there are too many people who will use your heartaches and problems for HOT IM GOSSIP! and you dont want to be hurt like that especially if you have come to TRUST someone

3) If something does not feel right it probably isnt.  Your instincts once again are your greatest PROTECTION and RESOURCE.  USE THEM AND LISTEN TO THEM

4) HEED WARNINGS.. This is VERY,VERY important,if you are told by several people that a prospective partner is trouble,LISTEN! but take in account that it is someone elses opinion of someone you are getting to know.  But,ALWAYS LISTEN! and openly ask your partner about what you hear.  Ultimately,it is up to you to decide if you believe everything you hear.  But ALWAYS hear what someone is trying to tell you and ALWAYS CHECK IT OUT FOR YOURSELF!

5) If a prospective partner asks you not to inquire about them online or in REAL LIFE! ask them WHY! and if they can not come up with any ligit reason or a satisfactory answer either walk away or proceed with EXTREME CAUTION!!

6) If a prospective partner is hesitant with personal information when you have willingly given yours then take it as a WARNING and FIND OUT WHY!!

7) Dont get dragged into online gossip.  It may be fun for a while but eventually it will only come back and bite you in the ASS!! and haunt you.  There are people online who have nothing better to do with their lives then sit behind their computer 24/7 and GOSSIP! day and night. PLEASE! DO NOT become one of them

8) And lastly,think for yourself,TRUST yourself,BE HONEST with yourself and above all TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!

                    ~IGNORANT_STUPID_SLAVE~

Good Afternoon my friends,Master made me post this new sign for all to see and comment if you would like :-))

Good Morning my sweetest friends.. Master was very pleased with me this weekend because i did EXACTLY! as i was told to do and my best friend Linda was also very pleased.  I was to BEG Her to lick her knee high leather boots with 5 inch heels whle she and Master laughed at me called me a FUCKING STUPID BITCH!! and also i was ordered to BEG Her to lick Her feet,and Master has informed me that i will be BEGGING Linda to lick her Boots and feet on a regular basis on the weekends as they make fun of me and laugh at me :-))  It is something Master has insisted on even though i do not like it.  It is not about me it is about Master and His Happiness not MINE! but remember my dearest friends i enjoy the HUMILIATION  and i consented to all of this nothing was FORCED upon me  I want to do whatever it whatever it takes to keep Master happy,and BEGGING my BEST FRIEND to lick her boots and feet make Master happy so that is what i am going to do.

I am still on PUNISHMENT and i am not sure how much longer it will be but until Master tells me my PUNISHMENT is over i will continue to remain A STUPID FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!! as i am called on a daily basis :-))

Now i will post my entry and then i must go until tomorrow.. You all have a lovely day be good to one another and show a little kindness toward other people today :-))

Today i want to post something more on the VANILLA side it is more of a inspirational entry,it is something i was thinking about last night.  I hope you all enjoy it and it makes you stop and think :-))

                                 ~Take Notice~

People today are crying for recognition.  They want to be seen as a person among other persons.  People want to be noticed,not in any ostentatious way,not because they might or might not have money or their social standing,but just because they are a HUMAN BEING!!  The greatest need of all is to be LOVED! But we pass by another without noticing,without stopping,without the slightest sign of recognition.  This is why people daily come closer to despair and why they frantically continue to search for one who will LOVE them

It is time that we began to take notice of each person we meet,Each person is a brother or sister,each person needs to be recognized,to be given a token of friendship and LOVE,be it only a smile,a nod of the head.  Sometimes it may require the total availability of one person to another,if they have no one and need a friend.  Such LOVE and recognition must always be given with deep reverence,irrespective of the status of the person encountered.

There is something in each of us that has DIGNITY.  We have to be careful with each other,for each has wounds given from childhood,by parents,our environment,our teachers or whomever.  We often use salt to keep these wounds open in one way or another.  Let our charity not be sentimental.  Let us treat people with INTEGIRTY and let us listen.  Listen and pray.  It is only through listening and prayer that we will understand the hurt of the other,that you will understand my hurt and i will understand yours. 

Let us treat each person with deep INTEGRITY and RESPECT and let us console,for through us flows the Love of GOD THE FATHER the grace of  the SON and the illumination of the HOLY SPIRIT.

May Peace be with each and every one of you today and ALWAYS!

                       ~STUPID_IGNORANT_BITCH~

Good Sunday morning my beloved friends... Since i am not permitted to post  graphic pictures to my profile like the one Master wanted me to without my account being DELETED i made a personal sign to further humiliate myself in front of everyone here,Master ordered me to post this to show everyone that i am a DISOBEDIENT,STUPID IGNORANT CUNT/SLAVE WHO DOES NOT PAY ATTENTION TO MY MASTER!! and Listen carefully to what He tells me.. I am not sure as i stated yesterday how long i will remain on PUNISHMENT but until Master informs me its over i will continue to stay PUNISHED for DISOBEDIENCE! I hope you all are having a LOVELY weekend. :-))  now i will post my topic of the day and then i have to go and i will be back tomorrow :-))  Take Care of yourselves and each other ;-))

                             ~BDSM VS. ABUSE~

What makes BDSM Fun,Erotic,Stimulating,and Exciting? CONSENT!  That is the difference between BDSM and ABUSE.  If one or the other person involved in any type of BDSM relationship does not consent to a particular activity and their partner proceeds with that activity regardless if the sub/slave did not consent to it it is ABUSE!!.

I was asked before i was punished if i really enjoyed Verbal,Private and Public humiliation,and if what Master says to me hurts me in any way emotionaly or mentally,and my answer is No!.  I enjoy being HUMILIATED verbally,publically and privately. HUMILATION is my number one turn on! and Master uses the words such as BITCH,CUNT,WHORE,SLUT,STUPID,IGNORANT ETC in a different context so to me when Master says i am a STUPID_CUNT_ it does not hurt me it excites me sexually,however, If someone just walked up to me and called me a STUPID_CUNT!! i would slap them across the face and it would not be exciting or erotic for me because i never CONSENTED to it and those words are used in a whole different context,they are said out of CRUELITY,MEANNESS and RUDENESS but when Master calls me that same DEGRADING Name it is very,very stimulating,erotic and exciting for me because Master is using those words not to HURT me but to EXCITE ME because He knows i enjoy it..

For new subs/slaves just entering this lifestyle it might be confusing to them how Master could call me a BITCH,STUPID_CUNT,WHORE ETC and have it sexually excite me,but as the new subs/slaves gains more knowledge and experience they will begin to understand that the same words used by some STRANGER would be HURTFUL but if their Master/Mistress said those same words to them it would excite them,it all comes down to CONSENT and the CONTEXT of what is being said. ABUSE! in any relationship should never be ACCEPTED nor TOLERATED by ANYONE Male or Female.  ABUSE is WRONG and it HURTS people in so many ways. Always remember Ladies and Gentlemen the Difference between BDSM and ABUSE is CONSENT~ if a sub/slave does not CONSENT then it does not  happen and if it does it is considered ABUSE! and should be reported to the Local or State Police IMMEDIATELY!

There are 3 TYPES of ABUSE i will not stand by and witness

1) Women Being Abused (Physically,Mentally and Emotionally or Sexually)

2) Children Being Abused (Physically,Emotionally,Mentally and Sexually)

3) Animals Being Abused (Physically,Sexually which repulses me and i would be the first one to REPORT someone if any animal were being abused in any way)  I do not tolerate nor accept ABUSE of any kind and you shouldnt as well.

                                 ~STUPID_CUNT~

Hello and good morning my beloved friends.  I am to come here this morning and inform everyone thati complied to Masters wishes.  My best friend Linda came over last night and as i stated previously i had to lick Her feet which i did,and i also licked Her black boots and sucked on Her heels as Master watched and both Master and Lnda Humiliated me and made fun of me.  As a slave i am 100% compliant i do as i am told without hesitation or question.  Master and Linda were both pleased and happy with me..  Master has not told me how long i will remain on punishment and again i do not ask i just accept it for as long as He deems necessary and i do whatever Master tells me to do regardless of what it is or if i like it.i just OBEY! Being a STUPID IGNORANT CUNT!! like myself i should be punished for my DISOBEDIENCE! SEVERELY! because i do know better.  Now i will post my next topic and then i must leave for the day.

                          ~Master/slave Rules~

In order for any venture to be successful there must be basic guidelines especially in a M/s relationship.  I understand that every couple and relationship are different never the less basic agreements exists or else you go outside the boundaries of what is considered a M/s relationship.  Every couple will have their own set of agreements,however i feel there are some that are universal

1) No actual harm should occur to the slave.  That does not suggest that punishments,discipline or correction do occur they just are not calculated to produce real injury either to body or mind.  In a M/s relationship PAIN! sometimes used to correct behavior or as a pleasurable experience depending on the people involved.  It is not the central focus of the relationship

2) PRE-AGREED LIMITS.. it is simply an agreement on what the Owner and slave will and will not do.  These limits are different for all couples.  A Pre-agreed limit is simply the boundaries established by the relationship.  For example: some couples put a limit on other people joining them for a scene/session,it is important to discuss HONESTLY with each other what your personal limits are before beginning a M/s relationship.  There are lines that are NEVER! crossed without at least some discussion before hand.  These boundaries do change with time as the relationship progresses.

3) The slave should have a SAFE WORD and SAFE ACTION to STOP! any/all activity.  The SAFE WORD and SAFE ACTION must be understood by both parties to mean that action needs to stop IMMEDIATELY!  It could be that the slave is in GREAT PAIN or the Owner wants to clarify a situation outside of the scene/session,usually a line is being crossed that was not discussed in the pre-agreed limits but just now came up.  A M/s relationship is suppose to be enjoyed by both parties,limits and SAFE WRDS/SAFE ACTIONS are types of guarantees that things do not get out of control on either side.  If the couple are in the middle of a caning and the slave is having a problem with the situation,when the slave says their SAFE WORD or uses a SAFE ACTION (such as ringing a bell or dropping a rubber ball on the floor) the scene/session STOPS IMMEDIATELY!! at that moment so it will allow the Owner and slave to discuss what the problem is or correct a PAINFUL or DANGEROUS situation outside of the scene/session

4) COMMUNICATION between the Owner and slave is crucial to a successful M/s relationship.  The slave must be willing to talk about their feelings and the Owner must be receptive.  The Owner also must be concious of the NON-VERBAL cues the slave gives for a safe healthy satisfying M/s relationship.  It helps to have an underlying affinity for the other partner and empathy.  The Owner is attemting to per-fect their slave to their own ideal of what the slave should be.  The slave must want that same goal as well.  If either of these points do not exist  the M/s relationship can degrade into a ABUSIVE relationship and you want to avoid that at all costs or both partners go off dis-satisfied.  Limits,safe words,safe actions assist in ensuring both parties experience pleasure and the slave willingly gives up all control completely and 100 percent.

Overtime, the use of SAFE WORDS and SAFE ACTIONS and LIMITS may diminish.  However,many couples in a long term relationship stil use them. (Master and i still use SAFE WORDS and SAFE ACTIONS even after 11 years)

                              ~STUPID_CUNT~

Good morning my beloved friends,Master is only allowing me to post my journal entries and then not come back for the day..  i HURT LIKE HELL! this morning,the beating was intense but necessary for my DISOBEDIENCE! the floor was not to comfortable either,but again this is pinishment and punishment is not suppose to be FUN or PLEASANT  I am a STUPID_CUNT because i should have paid more attention to what Master was saying to me,and i know better after 11 years however i am not a PERFECT slave,i make mistakes like any other and get PUNISHED just like any other sub/slave but harsher due to the fact i am a SLAVE and not a SUBMISSIVE and this is the way slaves get treated when our Owners are disappointed with us for whatever infraction we have caused.  Master NEVER Over punishes or under punishes.  His punishment always fits the offence.

now i will post my daily topic and then i must go for the day,but i wish you all a SAFE,Happy FRIDAY! and TGIF! :Master has not put any time limit on my punishment and i will not ask or question Him,whenever He feels it is over it will be over not unti.  Since i am being punished the next topic is appropriate for today

                 ~Reward And Punishment~

This is the point where many M/s relationships fail.  OVER-PUNISHMENT for minor infractions,NON- ACKNOWLEDGED good deeds and ignoring BLATANT wrong action (such as DISOBEDIENCE and DISRESPECT).  It can cause an affinity in the relationship.  The roles of Master/Mistress/Slave are fairly rigid,the duties of both well understood.  When an Owner does not PUNISH Major infractions or ignores correct action by the slave,the agreements made at the beginning of the relationship are broken.  It is here that a Master/Mistress shows His/Her TRUE COLORS!  The Owner should be in CONTROL not only of their slave but themselves as well.

At the beginning of a M/s relationship the Master/Mistress and slave agree on a long list of correct and incorrect actions,but if the Owner does not remember them the slave will start to lose RESPECT for their Owners POWER and CONTROL.  It would be better to have only a few rules in the beginning then as time progresses expand them as the relationship grows.  OVER-PUNISHING is also poor.  If the Owner is CRUEL or VICIOUS the slave will only do what is required out of FEAR of punishment.  Over time the slave will have no desire to please the Owner and they will suddenly realize they have no control over their slave

PUNISHMENT does not even have to include PAIN.  Movement restrictive bondage,HUMILIATION,Verbal.private,Public (as mine is all 3) Harsh Words (which is also used for me) or even a disappointing look can PUNISH a slave.  Privileges can be removed,(mine are computer time,no music,no TV,no cell until Master feels i have learned my lesson) plus i am not allowed to sit on the furniture as part of my punishment.  There are many ways to punish incorrect actions and behavior.  Save the SEVERE PUNISHMENTS for MAJOR INFRACTIONS (such as DISOBEDIENCE and DISRESPECT)

Punishments are always followed by REWARD.  When the slave corrects the infraction,he/she must be allowed to make up the damage and then it is forgiven,forgotten and NEVER! brought up again.REWARDS show the slave that their Owner is PLEASED.  It is a tangible show of LOVE and CARING from the Master/Mistress for a correct action.  This is the TRUE POWER of a Master/Mistress.  The reward can be a kiss,a soft gentle caress,flowers,a romantic dinner, a short note,or even a long tender session of LOVE MAKING

Rewards given to the slave shows that the Owner is thinking of them and cares for their well-being.  It acknowledges their proper behavior and re-inforces it.  This is how the Owner creates in the slave the willingness to PLEASE Him/Her.  A HAPPY slave will do anything to ensure the happiness of their Owner and will avoid actions that disappoint!

                                ~STUPID_CUNT~

I am back just for a second because it is time for my DESERVED BEATING,Master just took the picture i have on my profile now of me wearing the beautiful collar He bought me just to show everyone that it will be replaced with a ugly black dog collar!!  i must go time for my PUNISHMENT BEATING!! I will not be allowed back here tonight but feel free to insult me,make fun of me and humiliate me to our friends and post it for all to see.  Good night my beloved friends

                                    ~STUPID_CUNT~

Master just arrived home a little while ago and i served Him His dinner,He ordered me to come here and tell everyone that i will have to lick the feet of my BEST FRIEND linda who is a Mistress herself and owns 2 slaves who live wih Her 1 Male,1 Female. Master called Her and told Her i am being PUNISHED for DISOBEDIENCE and i am to lick Her feet while Master watches,so far He has not said whether i have to do anything else with/to Her i pray i won't have too.as you all know OTHER WOMEN! is a HARD LIMIT for me however,this is punishment and if Master says i have to have SEX with her as part of it then i will do so,but so far He has only ordered me to lick Her feet nothing else..

Also when Master is done eating He will feed me from a dog bowl on the floor and i will have to eat with no hands while He watches and makes fun of me,then He will beat me for my DISOBEDIENCE, and i have to sleep on the floor next to His side of the bed tonight and my BEAUTIFUL collar i have now will be removed and Master will place a very UGLY!! dog collar around my neck,attach my leash to it then to the bed and i will be sleeping like that all night long,however,if i have to use the bathroom in the middle of the night i am allowed to wake Him and He will walk me to the bathroom,i cannot crawl do to chronic pain i have so Master will walk me to and from the bathroom then back to sleep on the cold hard floor

I accept this HARSH PUNISHMENT because i DESERVE  IT! for disobeying Master and not paying attention and Master is doing the right thing. I must go now Master is calling me to eat dinner,so i (STUPID_CUNT) Bid you all a good night,sleep well and GOD BLESS!!

                                ~STUPID_CUNT~

I want to let everyone know that i am being punished for a MAJOR INFRACTION of DISOBEDIENCE! and part of my punishment is to come here publically and tell everyone that i am a WORTHLESS,STUPID,IGNORANT WHORE/SLAVE who does not pay attention and to HUMILIATE myself and have others do the same,and the secondpart of my punishment is that i am not to cummmm until Master allows me too which wont be for a very looooooong time and i have to take a washable marker and write above my pussy CLOSED BY EM60 and post it here for all to see,but i m not sure if i am allowed to post such pictures to this sight without the administrator/Owner deleteing my account..

Master said when He arrives home He will BEAT me for my DISOBEDIENCE! and continue to verbally humiliate me.  Master told me to let everyone know that you are allowed to PUBLICALLY HUMILIATE ME for my DISOBEDIENCE you can post anything pertaining to me to my journal so everyone to see or post it in a open forum for all to see as part of my punishment and i am to be referred to as a STUPID CUNT!! by any and all subs/slaves Doms/Masters Dommes/Mistresses here anytime any day until further notice from Master_John,and you may also leave a message about me to Master directly on His COLLAR ME Page His ID is EXTREMEMASTER60 here..  Thank you all for your time

                          STUPID_CUNT

                   ~First Scene/Session Safety~

It is always a good idea to get to know someone VERY WELL! before committing yourself to play time.  It is also a good idea to think long and hard about what you expact and then lay that out for the other person clearly before hand

It is also a good idea to list out your limits (YES! even a Dom/Master Dome/Mistress has limits too) and exchange them well in advance of your first scene/session

1) Keep your first scene/session light.  I do not recommend BONDAGE,GAGS or EXTREME PAIN for your first scene/session with a new partner,there are plenty of other activities you can use to get to know each others likes/dislikes besides,if it works out you will want to save something for later

2) SAFE WORDS/SAFE ACTIONS.. You should choose and discuss SAFE WORDS and SAFE ACTIONS well in advance of your first meeting.  My recommendations are something simple such as the TRAFFIC LIGHT

RED meaning STOP IMMEDIATELY! something is wrong

YELLOW meaning slow down

GREEN meaning i am okay you can continue

NEVER! play around with these words,they are your protection and SAFETY NET and only should be used when you mean them

3) SAFE SEX.. I dont think anyone needs to be reminded about this,but i will throw it in anyway.  Both parties should possess CONDOMS in case one forgets.  It only takes a few seconds to slip on a condom but it takes a Looooong and PAINFUL time to die of AIDS!

4) If at any point either party is feeling uncomfortable STOP!! dress talk and talk some more.  It takes alot of TRUST to have a meaningful D/s and M/s relationship.  Take the time to build that foundation

          ~slave_brenda/slave_to-Master_John~

                     ~Limits,Interests,Preferences~

ROLE PLAYING.. Listed below are several examples of ROLES to be played by either a Dom/Master Domme/Mistress Sub/Slave.  List those which you are interested in and those you would like to see your partner play.

Age Play

Boss/Employee

Cowboy/Cowgirl

Inquistor

Knight

Rapiest/Victim

Pirate

Puppy

Sissy

Student/Teacher

Torturer

Baby

Burglar

Goddess

Intereogator

Leather Man

Mommy/Daddy/Child

Role Reversal

Policeman/Woman

Savage/Primal

Suspect

Barbarian

Female Fatale

Whore/Pimp/Slut

Princess

Secretary

Warrior

BITCH GODDESS

Doctor/Patient

French Maid

Kidnap Victim

Mentor

Nurse

Principle

Sex Object

Teen

Wild Beast

Furniture

Dictator

Seductress

Next,List the roles you would like to play

Roles you would like your partner to play

List any fetishes you have

List any Medical,Physical,Emotional concerns (Past breakage of bones,Sprains,Chronic Conditions Or Phobias

List your limits here

List your concerns about the depth and exclusivity of a relationship

Finally,list preferred method of birth control and avoid sexual STDS,H.I.V,AIDS

         ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

Hello my beloved friends,check out my picture on my profile you will see the collar Master bought me.  it is really pretty dont you think? and i am wearing it in the picture.Master gave me permission to post it :-))  i hope you all like it :-))

            ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

~10 Suggestions for persuing a SAFE,SANE CONSENSUAL D/s and M/s Relationship~

These 10 suggestions pertaiin to both Male and Female subs/slaves

1) Take everything out of your online profile (or login ID) that could allow someone to contact you in REAL LIFE.  This includes your REAL name,Your REAL location,any personal references ETC  Some people can be very resourceful with very little information

2) DO NOT! give out your full name,phone number or REAL address to someone until you can get at least 3 positive references for that person.  Try to seek them independently,ask around

3) Look for another sub/slave to help mentor you.  An experienced sub/slave understands alot of what you are going through (like myself) and has no hidden motives (E.G.he/she is not going to try to seduce you)

4) If you do not already,Contact someone to get a BDSM INFORMATION PACKET that has been put together for people new to the lifestyle.  It has a variety of resources and is an excellent way to get started such as (Online BDSM groups,Online reading material ETC) Just be careful how many information BDSM sites you go to because there is so much information about the lifestyle that it could start to get over whelming for you,just read up on the basis to start with and go from there :-))

5) DO NOT! call someone until you have at least 3 positive references for that person.  With all the technology available  it is possible for someone to get your phone number.  and PLEASE! DO NOT ASSUME!! that you calling them is SAFE!! because if that person has caller ID He/She will have your phone number,so do not ASSUME calling that person is a safe bet

6) A Dom/Master Domme/Mistress can not DEMAND!! you to give them personal information you do not want to give out.  DO NOT be intimidated or mislead by them.  Who says you are OBLIGATED to give them information? Just because He/She is a self acclaimed Dom/Master Domme/Mistress Does not give them that right. or just because you are a sub/slave you have to take orders from a STRANGE Dom/Master Domme/Mistress you have never chatted with or met before.. A GOOD sub/slave who is experienced and knowledgeable is SAFE and SMART and are not BLINDLY OBEDIENT

7) DO NOT! meet someone in REAL LIFE until you have at least 5 positive references for that person.  There is no need to rush into anything.  If He/She is a good Dom/Master Domme/Mistress they will be more than willing to wait until you are sure of your SAFETY.  Infact they should give you suggestions on how to in-sure your safety

8) You need to be the one to make the arrangements on your OWN time and convenience,this is one time the Dom/Master Domme/Mistress has to work around your schedule not theirs,and if they really want to meet you they will abide by your wishes,if not then it is a RED FLAG that they may not  be who they claim to be and could be DANGEROUS and just looking for their next VICTIM

9) DO NOT! engage in any BDSM SEXUAL activity during your first meeting.  The first meeting should be to get to know one another on a equal leval without roles getting in the way,You should discuss ideas about BDSM,set limits,Discuss likes/dislikes ETC A Good Dom/Master Domme/Mistres will take the time to get to know you and make sure there is good open,honest communication between both of you before any scene/session takes place.

10) Above all else GO SLOW AND USE COMMON SENSE!

BDSM can be obsessively exciting for a new sub/slave and consequently there is a tendency to think with something other than your BRAIN! Before you do anything give yourself time to think and be rational. Submission/Slavery should be an INTELLIGENT choice not a SEXUAL FRENZY! and talk to other subs/slaves,learn from our mistakes. You can benefit from our experience and knowledge,there is no need to re-invent the WHEEL!

Have fun but be SAFE and SMART in the process

             ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

Before i post my next topic for the day i wanted to let everyone know that Master bought me a new collar :-)) i LOOOOOVE!! IT!! It is made of a rubber material,it's BLACK and has tiny crosses attached to it.  When Master placed the collar around my neck last night and He allowed me to look in the mirror i cried with joy..It is BEAUTIFUL! and  this  collar i can wear when Master and i go out and nobody would even know it is a collar but i do and thats all that matters :-)) well,you can all imagine how i thanked Him and showed my appreciation :-)) Now lets get to the topic of the day.

                            ~First Time Meetings~

There are many ways to meet potential partners,for instance placing classified ads,Going to munches or other BDSM events online personal ads ETC.

First time meetings always require a little extra security and safety.  Here are some simple rules for those awkward first encounters

1) Always set the meeting up well in advance so that you have the time to arrange a sufficient SAFETY NET. (This pertains to everyone no matter what your role is)  If you are traveling make reservations at a hotel/motel but DO NOT! let the other person you are meeting know where you will be staying

2) Arrange to meet for the first time during the day in a public place (such as a restaurant,coffee shop,mall ETC) always park your car a distance away so that if the meeting goes badly you cannot be followed.  Another good idea is to take a cab to this first meeting

3) DO NOT! plan to play during your initial meeting.  You should have plenty to discuss without SEX or BDSM play entering into the equation

4) Bring along a TRUSTED friend.  A Serious potential partner will not feel intimidated infact He/She will insist on it

5) SAFE CALLS!!.. There are many ideas out there how safe calls should be done.  But i will offer you my humble opinion and what worked for me when i first met Master 11 years ago..  Let 2 friends know,perferably local to where you will be meeting.  Know your complete schedule,give them a full name of the person you will be meeting,their cell number and a brief physical description (A Picture of the person would be ideal)  Also if possible give your friends the make,model and plate number of the car your date will be driving..  Make sure your friends have an accurate description of you as well and the phone number of the local police.

Arrange to call your 2 friends immediately after you have met your date,give them a KEY PHRASE beforehand that you can say if you need to get away from your date.  For example:  You could say that EVERYTHING IS GREAT! if you need help or that EVERYTHING IS WONDERFUL! if you are okay

Your safe calls should arrange to come and get you or give you some sort of OUT!  If you use your KEY PHRASE.  If you will be spending more than a few hours with your date it is a good idea to call yourfriends/ safe calls every few hours to let them know you are okay..

6) BE HONEST.. with your date.  If you feel after this first meeting that this person is not someone you want to be involved with BE HONEST and UP FRONT about it.  It is not necessarily a good idea to do this at your first meeting.  Go home,sleep on it and then arrange to speak to this person the next day.  Remember,your instincts are your most valuable resource

7) HAVE A GOOD TIME!!  Be yourself but most importantly be SAFE and be HONEST with your date and with yourself

              ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

I was asked a couple of really good question yesterday and i would like to share them with all of you plus my answers to those questions :-))

The first question was,how long would i be willing to search for a Master if i did not find Master_John?  now THAT is an AWESOME question,and my answer is for as long as it took to find the Master that was compatible with and for me.  I probably would REJECT many Masters because they would not be the ONE i was looking for,  Infact i did REJECT quite a few Masters over the course of the 2 years i searched,none of them had the qualities i was looking for and i knew they could not fulfill my needs,wants and desires,and i was NOT settling for less just to have a M/s relationship only for it to fail within 6 months or less..

If i was still looking after all these years,YES! i would be more than FRUSTRATED and DISCOURAGED and would feel ready to GIVE UP! but you see Ladies And Gentlemen,When i want something bad enough i will not give up until i get it,so YES! i would still search for the RIGHT Master for me if i had not met Master_John :-))

The second question i was asked was would i acept Master_John if BDSM was not involved or part of our relationship,and tagain the answer is YES! i would.. Master and i have a deep connection and bond that goes beyond BDSM and our M/s relationship. I Love Master for who and what He is and vice versa.  Let me give you a good example. Lets say One of us were into BDSM and one was not.Lets Leave Master in the BDSM lifestyle and me STRICTLY Vanilla. Now if He and i met online not long ago and He told me that He was into the lifestyle and i told him i was not,i would still persue Him because He has the qualities i want in a MAN in general.  We both wanted our relationship to be 50/50 meaning 50 percent VANILLA and 50 percent BDSM i wanted the best of both wordls not just one or the other.But if i was STRICTLY VANILLA i would still want Master because i am VERY Attracted to Him in so many ways that are outside the BDSM dynamic

I STRONGLY! believe that Master would persue me as well,infact i know He would ;-)) He feels the same EXACT way as i do and i WANT! Him,NEED Him,LOVE Him and my LOVE runs deeper then BDSM,It runs down to my soul and back up to my heart.and i will do everything in my POWER under GOD ALMIGHTY to keep our relationship working,and HEALTHY! no matter what it takes... THAT Kind of deep LOVE,LOYALITY,and DEVOTION is STRONGER then any chains could be.  Master_John is my SOULMATE He is the BLOOD which flows through my veins,He is the beat  of my heart,the air that i breathe He is my EVERYTHING and more,So again my answer would be ABSOLUTELY YES!! i would accept Him if BDSM was not part of our relationship in a HEART BEAT i would accept MASTER as my Partner,BEST FRIEND,soulmate,Lover ETC.  :-))

           ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

~Real Life VS Online The Battle For Understanding~

I began my journey in the BDSM online community 11 years ago before i met Master and i knew NOTHING of what the lifestyle would be for me until i started to do some research and gain the knowledge i needed to search for a  Master.  Until that point it was basically all FANTASY for me.  I started asking alot of important questions of myself.  I wanted to experience BDSM in REAL LIFE,i wanted to be tied up and see what the draw to my pleasure senses was.  I wanted to know what it was like to kneel and serve a REAL MASTER!!  I wanted to hear GOOD SLAVE for something i had done correctly.  I thought to myself was it going to remain just an online FANTASY for me?  I prayed it would not be.  I wanted more.  I know some subs/slaves can only experience online BDSM for their own personal reasons or long distance relationships (LDR)  I know the desire and need to iive it in any form you can.  I was lucky,i found Master_John after 2 Lonnnnnng years of searching and i was able to explore the part of me drawn to BDSM and a M/s relationship.  The service and surrender specifically.  I have been able to embrace the relationship i am in and i am very thankful for the role i did play online to test the waters so to speak. 

Online BDSM is in no way a substitute for REAL LIFE and you cannot learn all  there to know about living this lifestyle from essays and forums however,they are GREAT for gaining information and learning the lifestyle,but you have to experience it to truly know and understand we are all different and i am very grateful for my online experience because my online pleasure led me to my Master and without it i would have NEVER have met Him.  Now we live a Happy,fulfilled,content life together. :-))

I realize not every sub/slave is as fortunate as i was.  I have empathy for them.  Some are not able to take their online experience to REAL LIFE and others are still searching and have not found the right Dom/Master Domme/Mistress.. But if they are happy and getting their needs met and they are content with their onine experience,then i say GOOD FOR YOU!! as long as you and your partner is happy that is all that matters.  For the subs/slaves who are still searching DONT GIVE UP!! i know it is FRUSTRATING AS HELL!! when you search and search and cant find a compatible Dom/Master Domme/Mistress but keep on searching and you will eventually find the right ONE for you.Whatever you do NEVER settle for less then what you desire,need and want because if you do that both of you will be very unhappy and the relationship will fail. 

I wish everyone who is still searching the VERY best of luck and i Pray you find your partner and live a Long Happy Fulfilled Life Together.  :-))

          slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

                   ~Negotiation Questionaire~

                          ~General Questions~

Below I have listed some questions you should have when you are negotiating with a potential partner,please feel free to copy this and use it in your negotiations.  You can modify it to fit your particular relationship

A) WHAT IS YOUR LEVEL OF EXPERIENCE

1) Beginner

2) Limited Experience

3) Experienced

4) Very Experienced

B) HOW LONG HAVE YOU KNOWN OF YOUR INTEREST IN BDSM?

1) Less Than 1 Year

2) 1  To 4 Years

3) 5 Years Or More

4) As Long As I Can Remember

C) WHAT IS YOUR SEXUAL ORIENTATION?

1) Straight (Exclusively)

2) Homosexual

3) Bi-Sexual

4) Bi-Curious

D) WHAT KIND OF RELATIONSHIP DO YOU PREFER?

1) Not Sure Yet

2) Online Only

3) Online ( Meeting Occasionally)

4) Online (Meeting Regularly)

5) Long Term (Live In)

E) MAIN INTERESTS

1) Mutual Interests

2) Psychosexual-Mental

3) Sensual- Physical

F) ARE YOU (Rate Each One From 1=Lowest To 4= Hightest)

1) Sadistic

2) Masochist

3) Dominant

4) Sub/Slave

G) YOUR LEVEL OF INTERESTS IN BONDAGE(1=No Interest To 5=Very Interested)

1) Light Bondage

2) Heavy Bondage

3) Bondage Using Ropes,Chains Or Other Materials

4) Complete Body Bondage

5) Bondage Using Silk Scarves,Nylons ETC

H) PAIN! (WHAT YOU ARE OR WHAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR)

1) WAY! Beyond My Limits

2) Interested,But Never Tried It

3) Punishment Only When Necessary

4) Light Paddling,Sensual Whipping (No Marks)

5) Whipping,Caning,Paddling

6) PAIN SLUT!

I) WHAT DO YOU BELIEVE THE PURPOSE OF PAIN IN A SCENE/SESSION?

1) Not Sure

2) Whatever Pleases My Partner

3) For Training Or Correction Only

4) Pain Is A Punishment

5) Pain Is A Reward

J) SEX IN A SCENE/SESSION FOR ME IS..

1) Out Of The Question

2) Not Necessary Or Expected

3) An Enhancement

4) Expected,Unless Punishment Is Taking Place

5) An ABSOLUTE Must

K) WHICH SETTINGS ARE YOU COMFORTABLE PLAYING IN?

1) One On One

2) Three Way Play

3) Intimate Groups Of 1 To 3 Other Couples

4) Scene/Session Parties

5) Public Play

L) WHO DO YOU ALLOW TO KNOW ABOUT YOUR ACTIVITIES?

1) Doesn't Matter Who Knows

2) Other BDSM People

3) A Very Few Trusted Friends

4) No-One

        ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

     ~Dont Rush Into A D/s Or M/s Relationship Until You Know These 6 Things~

The excitement of a new D/s or M/s relationship is often the first thing that a novice sub or slave seeks.  How else are they going to learn about play?  There is a better prepared way than jumping into a relationship with someone before you are ready. Taking the time to really know yourself and what you want from a relationship will make you better able to handle a D/s or M/s relationship.

Being a single sub or slave preparing for a relationship is just about as much work as those of us already in relationships.  Personal development should be your main focus so as a novice you will know what it is you need to know about yourself before you seek a relationship.

I have 6 VERY important tasks that should help you prepare for a happy future.  Lets learn together what your expectations are,what you can offer and who you are as a sub/slave.

1) WHAT TYPE/KIND OF SUB/SLAVE ARE YOU?

You may not know this at first,but subs/slaves come in all sorts of types and personalities.  Understanding what sort of sub/slave you are will help you find a Dom/Master  Domme/Mistress that matches you well.  A Few common sub/slave types are fulltime (such as myself) some are STRICTLY service oriented,sexual,pets (kitten,puppy,pony ETC) property.  Learn as many types as possible and then figure out where you place yourself amidst them

2) WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO OFFER A DOM/MASTER  DOMME/MISTRESS?

If you ask a sub/slave what they want in a Dom/Master Domme/Mistress it is very likely you will be presented with a list of things they are looking for. but have you ever given any thought of what you can offer  a Dom/Master Domme/Mistress? What skills and positive behavior traits do you have that would make you attractive as a sub/slave?  Being aware of what makes you a valuable person and sub/slave can go a long way in your personal development.  It can not only help you find things to enhance but also where you need to work to improve yourself

3) WHAT ARE YOUR WANTS AND NEEDS?

Your WANTS and NEEDS in a relationship have always been my first questions when asked for advice about where to start in BDSM.  In order for these needs to be met you have to know what they are and talk to a potential Dom/Master Domme/Mistress about them

4) DO YOU HAVE A BDSM ACTIVITY CHECK LIST?

If you are KINKY at all you will want to have a list of activities that you enjoy and ones you dont.  It is also helpful for novices to have a list of activities that you have heard about and are curious enough to try or get more information on.  Submission and Slavery are not always a part of the KINKY activities that many of us engage in.  So if you are not interested in a little BONDAGE ETC make sure you say so

The internet is full of checklists that you can copy or print off and fill out.  Each one seems to try to out do the other and get more and more detailed and off the wall,you really dont need all that.  Start with what you know and build from there.  Dont feel bad if you look at a 10 page list and dont know what something is.  It is likely that others (including myself) dont either

5) WHAT TYPE OF RELATIONSHIP ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?

Are you looking for a casual play relationship? a part time D/s or M/s relationship? an S/M relationship? or a fulltime D/s or M/s relationship? Just as there are so many different types of subs/slaves there are relationships to match those preferences,as you learn and grow in your submission or slavery your ideal relationship could change as well

6) WHAT ARE YOUR LONG TERM GOALS,PLANS AND DREAMS?

Lastly Ladies and Gentlemen look beyond the here and now and think about what your long term goals,dreams and plans are.  Do you want children? Marriage? A House? What about the type of job you want?  All of these things need to be compatible with a partner as well.  Especially if you want a life time relationship.  Do not forget that the VANILLA! things in life should be compatible as well.

                         ~Thoughts To Ponder~

What have i left out of this list that you think is just as important?

If you are in a relationship,did you have these things figured out or did you learn as you went along?

              ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

                     ~10 Tips For Subs/Slaves~

Tip 1) Study and otherwise prepare before you approach BDSM,Gain all the knowledge you can and learn everything you can before entering into a D/s or M/s relationship.  It would also be important to do some preparing for emergencies before heading out.  Many people who are into BDSM have done things like taken a first aid/CPR class,had an HIV test done and have had shots to protect themselves against exposure to HEPATITIS A and B,Additionally you should have a SAFE WORD and SAFE ACTION before you enter into a D/s or M/s relationship

TIP 2) TIME IS YOUR BEST FRIEND AND MOST IMPORTANT FRIEND

Rushing into any sort of relationship and/or play is a BAD idea.  Take your time,look over your opitons,talk with people who have experience and knowledge,venture into BDSM shops (If one is in your local area) Look over all the toys and equippment,ask how some of the toys and equippment work. DO NOT!! get involved with someone to quickly,and i really cannot stress this enough,get to know the person first,discuss everything,likes/dislikes,limits,types of play and get to know them as a FRIEND first before even considering a relationship with them

TIP 3) GET MORE PERSPECTIVE

There is no such thing as the NATIONAL BUREAU OF SADO/MASOCHISTIC STANDARDS that issue rulings about what is and what is not REAL S/M!,therefore people must work out between themselves what does and what does not work for them.  On the other hand,there is actually a fairly close consensus among experience pratitioners regarding the broad cultures of what is and what is not appropriate,that being the case it would be smart to seek out a variety of such options

TIP4) YOU MAY GET MORE ATTENTION THAN YOU CAN HANDLE

You may get alot of offers to play with other Men/Women,this is not meant in any sort of dimishing or trivializing way but rather in a manner simular to how one might play.  Unfortunately,you may also get a few offers that are not-so-polite for coffee dates or other get togethers that may not be the best intentions for you.  Go slowly and dont get heavily involved with any one particular Man or Woman or Couple too quickly,be VERY careful about giving out your personal information about yourself to others,such as your REAL name,Phone Number,where you work,your email address ETC

Keep your options open,try to meet and have conversations with many different people.  It is important you do not allow any one particular Man or Woman or Couple to monopolize your time and your attention.  Remember the slightly more picky,slightly more reserved you are often the better until you really get to know someone.

TIP 5) TAKE ELITE (AND OTHER) CLAIMS WITH A LARGE GRAIN OF SALT

Some Men or Women in an attempt to impress you CLAIM to be members of an ELITE PRIVATE BDSM ORGANIZATION that only admits the select chosen few and you just happen to qualify.  Well,the truth is that there are many private BDSM clubs and most do not make any special claims of being ELITE or TRUE BDSM ORGANIZATIONS.  I would urge you to be EXTREMELY skeptical of anyone claiming to be a TRUE MASTER OR MISTRESS OR TO PRACTICE THE ''ONE'' TRUE FORM OF BDSM,when there is NOT just ONE TRUE FORM OF BDSM!

TIP 6) KNOW THAT MALICOUS WARNING OCCUR

The BDSM community is made up of HUMAN BEINGS and HUMAN BEINGS can be both ethical and unethical.  While most people in the BDSM community are pretty ethical and moral  most of the time (I am one of those people ) there are lapses,this community unfortunately but predictably has its share of personality conflicts,political fueds,bitter feelings, failed relationships ETC While people like myself do try to WARN NEW COMERS about genuniely DANGEROUS people understand that this WARNING is not meant to scare you but make you aware of the DANGEROUS WANNABES lurking in our community waiting silently in the shadows for their next victim.  Ask around if you are interested in a particular person,find out if He/She has any friends you can talk with or email for more information.  Dont just take their word for it if they state I HAVE MANY YEARS OF EXPERIENCE AND KNOWLEDGE,YOU CAN TRUST ME!! If you cannot find anyone who knows this person or He/She makes some LAME excuse why they cannot produce any references then politely excuse yourself and walk away because this person is obviously hiding something and could be a predator

TIP 7) BEWARE!! ESPECIALLY IF THE PERSON YOU ARE INTERESTED IN ISOLATES YOU

Perhaps the single biggest RED FLAG is that a prospective partner might be ABUSIVE or otherwise TOXIC is an attempt by Him/Her to limit  your access to information and discussion about what is and what is not considered appropriate BDSM practices,ethics and/or relationships.  This can sometimes be difficult to determine if your prospective partner tries to ISOLATE you from family and friends and wants 100 percent of  your time and attention when you dont really know this person.  This person most likely is very ABUSIVE and DANGEROUS and you should walk away IMMEDIATELY

tip8) SEEK THE ADVICE OF OTHER SUBS/SLAVES FOR COMPAIONSHIP

I believe that the first resource a novice sub/slave should be referred to when he/she enters into the BDSM community is a support group whose members meet face to face in REAL TIME not online,at least once a month several BDSM clubs have such a group and more are starting them.  There is usually a tremendous amount of collective wisdom and perception in such a group and the novice sub/slave can learn a great deal very quickly,possibly the only big LIMIT would be a no-setting up play dates rule at the meetings.  If a Man or Woman makes an offer to you during such a group meeting,kindly refuse the offer and politely explain why,most generally that person does not know you have never played before and just needs you to HONESTLY tell Him/Her that and they will kindly apologize and walk away,but BE HONEST! dont tell a person you have played before and would LOVE to play with them and then put yourself into a DANGEROUS situation

TIP 9) EXPLORE

Your first year of involvement in BDSM is often a time of personal growth and change.  You will likely have many new experiences,meet many new people and see many new things.  Being into BDSM allows you an opportunity to wear some truly wonderful outfits  in addition to exploring your submissive and slave aspects.  You might also find that you have some Dominant aspects as well.  You will also likely have a chance to explore many different BDSM related practices,for example:you may have fantasies about BONDAGE and you would like the chance to explore and you may also get the opportunity to explore  activities such as SPANKING,WHIPPING using clamps dripping hot wax ETC.  I will give you some advice here,it is common to find that you will come to enjoy a broader range of activities over time and that some (NOT ALL) of the activities which at first will hold little interest for you or perhaps even turn you on but in a month or more many become enjoyable.  There is a saying we all know NEVER SAY NEVER!

NOTICE: How things are developing over time in any relationship you may establish with a Man or Woman while every relationship is different and has its ups and downs successes and failures and its rough spots and smooth spots,the over all relationship should be a good one.  If you feel happy and over time feel happier with your partner and your relationship its a good sign and should continue to be so

TIP 10) WHEN THE PROPER TIME ARRIVES,HELP EDUCATE NEW SUBS/SLAVES AND OTHERS

Interest in BDSM is growing rapidly and the demand for reliable realistic information is growing accordingly,DO NOT be too surprised,if other people when they learn of your interest start asking you for information and advice.  This may start happening long before you feel ready to start giving it.. Dont worry my dearest friends the generally agreed upon principles are fairly will known and its not difficult to refer people to good sources of information (You may quickly become a pretty good source of such information yourself)

Remember,that in a very REAL sense,the more knowledge you gain the more you can pass on that knowledge to other novices and maybe even mentor them.  You have to also remember that we were all novices once so we should have empathy for the novices just entering this lifestyle.  They WANT and NEED a friend they can turn to and TRUST and not feel so scared and alone,and the more knowledge and experience you gain will help them do the same.  The BDSM community is one BIG family and we should help and support each other and be a TRUSTED friend to any novices who comes to us looking for help guidence and friendship.  It is our duty to lend a helping hand to the novice and point them in the right direction so in turn someday they to will lend a helping hand to the next novice

             ~slave_brenda/slave_to-Master_John~

         ~Common Mistakes New People Make~

The number one mistake i see made by new people entering into the lifestyle is thinking there is a RIGHT and a WRONG way to go about playing while there are some safety rules that should be followed,the only people who make the rules  are the ones involved in the scene/session and relationship.  If anyone else tells you that you are doing this wrong,TELL THEM TO MIND THEIR OWN DAMN BUSINESS!! AND TELL THEM NOT TO WORRY HOW YOU CONDUCT YOUR BDSM ACTIVITIES AND RELATIONSHIP!!! THEY NEED TO WORRY ABOUT THEIR OWN!!

Another common mistake is rushing into things. I know and have epathy that after years and years of surpressing this desire it is very hard to take it slow,when you finally find out you are not the only one who gets turned on by BONDAGE,But rushing to DOMINANT or SUBMIT to another without taking the time to get to know some skills and each other is a recipe for PAIN! and not the type of you enjoy.  When you first get started take the time to read the literature,join a local organization (if one is available in your local area) and get to know the person you will be playing with

A Mistake i often see new subs/slaves make is submitting to anyone and everyone who calls themselves SIR/MASTER  MA'AM/MISTRESS or submit to their DEMANDS!!  A Good Intelligent,knowledgeable,Experienced Master/Mistress knows this and does not expect you to address them as SIR/MASTER MA'AM/MISTRESS or submit to their DEMANDS!! and will not DEMAND! un-earned RESPECT!!  New Masters/Mistresses are sometimes guilty of this because they do not know or understand yet the proper and correct way they should behave or conduct themselves. If someone has not earned your RESPECT so why would you act like they have?

Another mistake inexperienced subs/slaves often make is in setting limits,some make too many limits and this will sometimes FRUSRTATE or SCARE off the Master/Mistress much more common is a new sub/slave setting too few limits,they feel they will not be DESIREABLE,SUBMISSIVE OR OBEDIENT enough if they have limits.  Take some time to think about what truly makes you happy and what you will accept and not accept and what you would not do with anyone under NO CIRCUMSTANCES at the present time and make this activity a LIMIT!.  If a potential Master/Mistress will not agree to a certain LIMIT then walk away.  Your limits will change as you become more experienced.  What you will not submit to or OBEY to this year you may CRAVE the next

Something ele i have seen is the Master/Mistress thinks He/She is always RIGHT SYNDROME!! The joke is there are 2 rules in BDSM

1) The Master/Mistress is always RIGHT

2) If the Master/Mistress is wrong refer to rule 1

That is what it is too A JOKE!!  They are HUMMAN and are sometimes WRONG!! Nobody can be always RIGHT and somebody cant be always WRONG!!  It is not a SIN against the BDSM Gods/Goddesses Tto RESPECTFULLY suggest to your Master/Mistress that He/She may be WRONG! Especially if it involves a safety issue,Just because you are a sub/slave does not mean you check your BRAIN at the door.  If you are a Master/Mistress and make a mistake do not be afraid to admit it and apologize,it will not make you any less of a Master or Mistress

Finally many new people think that the Master/Mistresses pleasure is the only thing that matters,Sure! as a sub/slave it is your job to please your Owner but it should please you as well..  We conduct and Participate in BDSM activities to make EVERYONE involved happy,while there may be times you will do something to please your Owner that you really do not enjoy,if you find yourself doing this consistantly you are probably with the wrong partner

                 ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

I was asked if i could post my limits HARD and SOFT,The type of play i enjoy,and equippment,And my TURN ONS,And TURN OFFS!  I will be more then happy to post them.  ;-))  I have posted my HARD and SOFT Limits before but i will be more then happy to post them again.  ;-))

                           ~Hard Limits~

EXTREME Pain

Other Women

Scat

Blood

Animals (Obvious)

Kids (Obvious)

                            ~Soft Limits~

Anal Sex (Will Do It For Master But Do Not Enjoy It)

 Water Sports I will let Master Piss On Me But Again I Do Not Enjoy It,And Will Drink His Piss If Master INSISTS!

                                   ~Toys~

Blind Folds

Gags

Handcuffs

Bondage Restraints

Leash/Collar

Vibes

Dildos

                          ~Equippment~

St.Andrews Cross

Bondage Chair/Bench

Cane

Flogger

Bondage Restraints

Spreader Bars

Rope

Chains

                     ~Types Of Play~

VERBAL HUMILIATION

Pet Play

Head Games/Mind Fucking

Interrigation

Lectures

Chastisement

Orgasm Denial Play

                            ~Turn Ons~

Master Wearing All BLACK

His SEXY Dominant Voice

His Beautiful Hands And Long Slim Fingers

His Domination In General

His Experience And Knowledge

His Intelligence

Everything Else About Master

                              ~Turn Off~

EXTREME PAIN

Other Women

People On POWER TRIPS

Arrogant People

Rude People

Players/Wannabes

DISRESPECT

Intolerance

Impatient People

Loud Obnoxious People

HOLIER THEN THOU ATTITUDE

I KNOW EVERYTHING ATTITUDE

Mean People

BULLIES

Inconsiderate People

Judgemental People

People who ASSUME!

Ignorance

Stupidity

Thats About It,I Believe I Covered Them All :-)) 

          ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

                 ~The 100 Point BDSM Purity Test~

This test rates your BDSM PURITY and to some degree your sexual purity,even better it rates your kink purity.  The majority of these 100 questions assume that you have had an introduction to the world of BDSM.  For the purpose of this test,SEX will be defined as one of the following.. (INTERCOURSE,ORAL SEX,OR ANAL SEX) this is another fun relaxing test,to see how PURE you are about BDSM :-)) Have fun and enjoy.. this is the objective of this test,just like the BDSM knowledge test.. :-)) Sit back relax and check your BDSM PURITY :-)) One more thing,CYBER SEX does not count!! I have to draw the line somewhere.

Mark all questions for which your answer is YES!!

1) Have You Posted On BDSM Message Boards?

2) Have You Bought/Read BDSM Books Or Magazines?

3) Have You Watched BDSM Movies?

4) Have You Been Involved In A Situation Where Something Went Wrong And You Had To Call Out Your SAFE WORD?

5) Have You Used Your SAFE WORD For Any Reason?

6)Has Your Partner Use His/Her SAFEWORD To Stop Or Slow Down A Scene/Session?

7) Have You Been Restrained Or Have Restrained With Ropes,Or Other Bondage Devices Where You Or Your PartnerCould Escape If He/She Wanted To?

8) Have You Been Or Have You Restrained Your Partner With Cuffs Or Other Bondge Devices You Or Your Partner Could NOT! Escape If You, He/She Wanted To?

9) Have You Been Or Have You Restrained Your Partner In A Body Bag?

10) Have You Been Wrapped Or Have You Wrapped Your Partner In Saran Wrap?

11) Have You Given Your Partner An Orgasm While He/She Has Been Tied Up?

12) As A Sub/Slave Have You Had An Orgasm While Tied Up?

13) Have You Been Blindfolded?

14) Have You Been Gagged?

15) Have You Forced Or Have Been Forced To Eat/Drink From A Dog Bowl?

16) Have You  Eaten Off Of The Floor Without Using Your Hands? Or Have You FORCED Your Partner To Eat Off Of The Floor Without Using His/Her Hands?

17) Have You Been Or Have You TORTURED Your Partner With The Threat Of Discovery From Other People?

18) Have You Worshipped Your Partners Feet? Or Have Had Your Partner Worship Your Feet?

19) Have You Given Or Received A Tongue Bath?

20) Have You Ever Forced Your Partner Into Worshipping Your Body?

21) Have You Made Your Partner Do Something He/She Did Not Want To Do Because Of The Nature Of Play You Were Invovled In?

22) Have You Punished Your Sub/Slave In The Last Month For DISOBEDIENCE,DISRESPECT Or IGNORING A DIRECT ORDER?

23) As A Sub/Slave Have You Been PUNISHED In The Last Month For DISOBEDIENCE,DISRESPECT Or IGNORING A DIRECT ORDER From Your Master/Mistress/Owner?

24) Have You Been Required To Address A Play Partner As Sir/Master  Ma'am/Mistress During  A Scene/Session?

25) Have You Required Your Play Partner To Address You As Sir/Master  Ma'am/Mistress During A Scene/Session?

26) Have You Been Involved In A M/s Contractual Relationship For Longer Than 1 Week? (Contract Meeting,Verbal/Written Agreement,Setting Up Codes Of Behavior For You And Your Partner?

27) Have You Considered Yourself A Top/Sadist For A Period Of Time? ( A Year Or More)

28) Have You Considered Yourself A Bottom/Masochist For A Period Of Time? ( A Year Or More)

29) Have You Considered Yourself A Switch For A Period Of Time? (A Year Or More)

30)Have You Been A Top/Bottom In The Same Night?

32) Have You Locked A Collar Around A Slaves Neck Or Placed Wrist Cuffs Or Ankle Cuffs On A Slave?

33) Have You Kept A Slave On A Long Term Basis? Or Treated Someone As A Slave,Perhaps Restricting His/Her Movements?

34) Have You Been Kept As A Slave?

35) Have You Gone To A Play Party,Munch, Or BDSM Club?

36)Have You Participated In A Scene/Session At A Play Party Or BDSM Club?

37) As A Sub/Slave Have You Been Exposed In Front Of Strangers By Your Owner? (At A Play Parry Or BDSM Club?)

38) As A Slave Have You Been Lent Out To Another Master/Mistress As A SEX TOY Or DOMESTIC SLAVE?

39) As A Master/Mistress Have You Lent Out Your Slave To Stangers As A SEX TOY Or DOMESTIC SLAVE?

40) Have You Had A Scene/Session With Someone Whose Name You Did Not Know (And Still Dont Know?)

41) As A Slave Have You Been Forced To Have A Scene/Session With A STRANGE Master/Mistress You Did Not Know (And Still Dont Know?)

42) As A Master/Mistress Have You Been Paid To Dominate  A Sub/Slave?

43) As A Sub/Slave Have You Been Paid To Be Dominated?

44) Have You Given/Received FISTING?

45) Have You Been Restrained In A Straight Jacket,P.V.C.,Leather ETC)

46) Have You Been Involved In Role Playing Or Sexual Fantasies?

47)  Have You Written An Explicitly Erotic Story?

48) Have You Made BDSM Videos?

49) Have You Or Your Partner Taken Pictures In A Compromising Situation? (Such As Tied Up,Naked, Or During A Scene/Session?

50) Have You Or Your Partner Taken Erotic Pictures?

51) Have You Been Lead Or Has Your Partner Lead You Around On A Leash In Public?

52) Have You And/Or Your Partner Had BDSM Play With More Than 1 Person Simultaneously?

53) Have You Flogged Or Have Been Flogged With The Intention Of Giving/Receiving PAIN?

54) Have You Struck Or Have You Been Struck With A Flogger,Whip,Paddle,Cane So The Brusies Would Show The Next Day?

55) Do You Consider Bruises BADGES OF HONOR And Show Them Off PROUDLY! To Others?

56) Have You Struck Or Have You Been Struck With A Non- Standard Impliment? ( Such As A Shoe,Hair Brush,Wooden Spatula ETC?)

57) Have You Achieved ORGASM While Being Flogged,Whipped,Caned?

58) Have You Used Or Have Used Nipple Clamps Or Clothes Pins On The Nipples,Or Other Sensitive Parts Of The Body?

59) Have You Had Or Have Atttched Nipple,Ball,Pussy Weights?

60) As A Male Slave Have You Had BALL LOCKS Placed On You? Or As A Mistress Have You Placed BALL OCKS On Your Male Slave?

61) Have You Used HOT WAX For BDSM Play?

62) Have You Used Food For BDSM Play? (Such As Vegtables As A Penetration Impliment?

63)Have You Given/Received An Emena?

64) Have You Given/Received A MEDICAL EXAM For BDSM Play?

65) Have You Drawn Or Have Drawn Blood During BDSM Play?

66) Have You Tasted Or Drank Human Blood (Not Your Own?) VAMPIREISM!

67) Have You Bled ( Not Menstral) Or Made Your Partner Bleed During BDSM Play?

68) As A Male Slave, Have You Had Your Penis Used As A Leash?

69) Have You Suspended Or Have Been Suspended Entirely Off The Ground For BDSM Purposes?

70) Have You Confined Or Have Been Confined To A Cage?

71)Have You Given/Received Electrcal Shock As A Part Of BDSM Play? (Example,Violet Wand)

72) Have You Used Or Had Your Partner Use A BUTT PLUG?

73) As A Male Slave Have You Worn A COCK RING?

74) As A Sub/Slave Have You Used Or Have Used A Dildo Or Vibrator On You?

75) Have You Worn Or Had Your Partner Wear A CHASITY BELT?

76) Have You Worn Or Had Your Partner Wear A BODY SUIT?

77) Have You Shaved Your Partner Genitals Or Had Your Partner Shave Yours?

78) Have  You Bleached Or Dyed Your Partners Pubic Hair Or Had Your Partner Bleach Or Dye Yours?

79) Have You Received Or Have Had Your Partner Receive A GENITAL OR NIPPLE PIRECING?

80) Have You Received Or Made Your Partner Recieve A TEMPORARY Pirecing (Anywhere On The Body)

81)Have You Received Or Had Your Partner Recieve A TEMPORARY GENITAL PIERCING?

82) Have You Been Used Or Have Your Partner Used As FURNITURE?

83) Have You Been Used Or Have Had Your Partner Used As A FOOT STOOL?

84) Have You Pretended Or Have Had Your Partner Pretend To Be An ANIMAL During BDSM Play?

85) Have You Treated Or Have Treated Your Partner As An ANIMAL During BDSM Play?

86) Have You Been Involved Or Had Your Partner Involved In WATER SPORTS? (i.e. Drinking Your Partners URINE,Or Having Your Partner Drink Yours. Urinate On Your Partner Or Your Partner Urinating On You?

87) Have You And Your Partner Been Involved In MIND-GAMES/HEAD FUCKING BDSM Play?

88) Have You Worn Or Have Made Your Partner Wear A CORSET?

89) Have You Worn Or Made Your Partner Wear Leather.Latex,Rubber.P.V.C. As A Fashion Statement Or Part Of BDSM Play?

90) Have You Worn A DOMINATOR/DOMINATRIX Outfit? Or Have Forced Your Partner To Wear HUMILIATING CLOTHING?

91) Have You Practiced Or Forced Your Partner Into TRANSVESTCISM?

92) Have You Worn Or Have Had Your Partner Wear DIAPERS During BDSM Play?

93) Have You Worn Or Have Had Your Partner Wear Un-attractive Clothing For HUMILIATING Purposes?

94) Do You Or Your Partner Have Any FETISHES?

95)Have You And/Or Your Partner Been Into A BDSM Shop That Sells BDSM Toys And Equippment?

96) Have You And/Or Your Partner Purchased BDSM Toys And/Or Equippment?

97)Have You And/Or Your Partner Owned 10 Or More BDSM Toys And/Or Equippment For Play?

98( Have You And/Or Your Partner Spent More Than 300.00 Dollars On A Single BDSM Toy Or Piece Of Equippment?

99) Have You And/Or Your Partner Ever Considered Making Your Own BDSM Toys And/Or Equippment?

100) Are You And/Or Your Partner Considering Converting Your Basement Into A DUNGEON?

 Thats All Everyone :-))  You can use yur score to impresss yourself adnd your friends and also use this as a CHECK LIST of things you might want to try with your partner.. I hope you had fun doing this test :-)) My hands are now falling off for typeing so much lolol but i had a good time typeing this regardless :-)) and i wanted to share it with all of you :-))  now i can rest my hands and wrists :-))

         ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

                           ~Service And Serving~

Here are some things that service items can include..

Cooking

Cleaning

Grooming

Health (Emotional,Physical,Mental)

Personal Trainer

Pet Care (My Favorite)  :-))

Home Repair

Car Repair

Organization

Event Planning

Child Care

Chauffeur

Scheduling (Dr.s Appointments,Dinner Reservations ETC)

Secretarial

Intellectual Conversationalist

      ~Discover Your Purpose In Service~

Finding your meaning in service is not always easy.  You have to start with what you want and need out of a relationship.  Once you have identified what you need you can develop the services around it that will feed your needs.  If you require structure you could develop a home control journal,if you like to be a hostess and use anticpatory service you could have a maid or butler book,perhaps you would like to develop your sexual service skills or your personal assistant skills and learn how to properly bathe and clothe your Owner,The possibilities are endless

                              ~Service Slaves~

There is a type of slave that seeks only to serve in this passion,there is happiness and joy to be asked to do even menial tasks<<<<<< Something i enjoy emensely.  Slaves may derive pleasure from things other than SEXUAL CONNECTION or PLAY.  Service slaves can become DOMESTICS,Personal Assistants,Chauffeurs,Maids/Butlers,ETC

What makes this type of slave so special is their ability to adapt to whatever service their Owner requires of them with little adjustment period!! Service slaves can bring pleasure to their Owner with little effort.  It is in my opinion that service slaves are RARE and very unique people and very RESPECTED! by the Owner.  Not everyone can be a service slave,but if you are one you are worth your weight in gold and then some and i commend you.. KUDOS TO YOU!! and i mean that sincerely.  All other slaves most likely look up to you for your ability to serve so smoothly.  I myself enjoy being a DOMESTIC SERVICE SLAVE to Master because i am a full time slave.  Knowing myestic duties as well as my personal and sexual duties to Master is a very important objective to serving Master and my service to Him

Here are some of my ideas of what a SERVICE SLAVE IS

1) Personal secretary,taking phone calls and answering the door, responding to e-mails,scheduling and coffee fetching

2) Body servant,Bathing,grooming and the over all health of an Owner

3) Escort,social elitist with the ability to bring attention to your Owner,chat about all sorts of world topics and look beautiful on your Owners arm

Now that you have a better understanding of what service is,Use your own talents to create a SERVICE RESUME.  I wish you the very best of luck,and if you are interested please feel free to copy this and use it in your service to your Owner :-))

             ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

I have  some GREAT! News i do NOT! need surgery,i cant tell you how relieved Master and i am,It has been a LOOONG stressful week,and my primary care Doctor had 7 blood tests done on me,to find out what is causing this chronic pain i have been having all summer,i forget all of the 7 blood tests but i do remember some,fibermyaligia (i know this is not spelled correctly but you get the idea) Lupus,Lyme disease R.A. the other 3 i am not sure but i pray to God that one comes back positive so i will finally know what is causing this DAMN chronic pain then my Doctor can treat it correctly and i can get off the Morphine which i have been on a year. With all that being said its time for the next topic

 ~What You Should Do When Your Wants Or Needs Are Not Met?~

I would like to talk about what to do when your wants or needs are not being met.  Men and Women live in relationships and lifestyles and some are unhappy because they do not get what they need from their partner,no matter how much talking or arguing that goes on nothing gets accomplished.  We have all seen the DIVORCE rate increase due to irreparable differences.  Most of these probably could be prevented if we all learned to explain our wants and needs to each other

Your wants and needs are a part of a D/s and M/s relationship,if they are not being RESPECTED and HONORED then you have a few things you can do to bring the relationship back on track

1) Sit your Partner down and have a heart to heart discussion with Him/Her.  Use non-attacking words,dont say YOU DO THIS or YOU DONT DO THAT! instead use words like I FEEL,I BELIEVE,I NEED

2) Suggest changing your relationship by adding this,this and this.  These are needs or wants that are not being fulfilled

3) Write a letter to your Owner about your feelings,this could open up lines of communication that may not have existed until now

Unfortunately,there are times where needs or wants cant be fulfilled for whatever reason by your partner,if the above ideas do not help improve your sense of happiness and fulfillment,then your Dom/Master Dome/Mistress may not be the right one for you

Leaving a relationship or being released is a very difficult and hurtful decision and one that should not be taken lightly,i feel if your happiness is in jeapardy then you should do what is best for you so that you are happy and your needs and wants are met.

             ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

Before i post,just a quick reminder that i will not be posting tomorrow because Master has to take me to Mass General Hospital and i do not know what is going to happen but if i come home tomorrow i will let you all know what is going on with me,hopefully i will be able to come home with Master.  :-)) Now without further a do here is my next topic

              ~What Makes A Good Master~

Not everyone has the exact same requirements of what they want as we are al different and our reasons for wanting to enter into BDSM will be different,but i think there are a few characteristics that may exist in common,Alot of which are often in a good normal relationship tool.

               ~Compatibility And Shared Kinks~

When you first meet someone or first start talking to them,i think it is a good idea to get some sense of whether you are wanting the same things or at least a good amount of the same things.  For example,there would be no point ending up with a Master who wanted a poly relationship when you would not want one or be comfortable having.  I think compromise is important,but if there are some issues like that where compromise cannot be reached then perhaps it is not going to work

                       ~Being A Good Listener~

I think it is very important to have communication in a relationship from the very start between you and your Potential Master. You should be able to feel as though you can express yourself to your Master,but also in listening too.  I think for a Master to be a good listener is just as important in a casual relationship as it is in a permanent relationship.  Infact possibly more so because they are not used to how might react to things.  I think it is all very well having SAFEWORDS and should have SAFEWORDS,however, if a Master cant or wont listen to a concern or a worry then having a SAFE WORD is a waste of time.  If the Master just carries on without listening to what you are saying either before,during or after play.

I have to be honest with all of you i was not always the best at communicating with Master and i found it difficult to express myself and so the fact that Master did understand what i did manage to express meant all the difference to me

                     ~Being A Good Friend~

I think a Master should be a friend as well as a partner,Owner and sadist.  My Master is really most undoubtedly my BEST FRIEND in the world,and has been for 11 years.  I feel as though i have known Him my whole life,I like having someone that i feel i can tell Master anything and who will not judge me and who will support me through alot of health issues i have had and still have and i have done the same for Him

                                  ~Self Control~

A good Master needs to be able to control Himself before He can Control someone else and be able to manage His ANGER in a positive way and NEVER cross that thin line to ABUSE!  and if a Master cannot do that then He Is NOT a good or SAFE Master.  A good Master knows when to walk away before a situation gets out of control,He knows how to express His anger outside of the relationship and has an outlet for His anger

        ~Experience And Willingness To Learn~

The Main attraction for me in my Master is His level of experience and He is capable to conduct a scene/session SAFELY and accurratally.  He has the knowledge and experience required.  I feel it is important that a Master has the willingness to want to learn how to do things SAFELY and to the enjoyment of Him and His slave,rather than just going blindly into it without any real knowledge how or the experience of a particular activity or how to use a certain implement

                      The Right Master For You~

Ultimately,The Master needs to be right for YOU.  Not every Master will be compatable with you,take it slow you have the right to be picky,you do not have to accept the first Master to come along,Take your time and choose wisely

            ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

I have a reminder for everyone, Tomorrow will be my last post until further notice because thursday Master has to take me to Mass General Hospital and see if i may need another surgery.  I had a fusion done on the right side of my neck back in Jan but something is still not right plus i have been dealing with chronic pain all summer long,although i take morphine for the pain,i need to find out what is causing my chronic pain and why.  I am not sure what is going to happen,i am hoping if i do need surgery it won't be immediately because i have to prepare myself emotionally and mentally before i i have to have surgery but i won't know anything until Master and i get there.

I am hoping i will be able to come back home with Master on Thursday,but again i wil not know anything until i arrive there.  Tomorrow morning i see my primary care Doctor which will be a good thing,then i need to go up to the local hospital and get all my X-RAYS and M.R.I.S i had on my neck and spine and have them put on a CD and bring them with me.  Needless to say Thursday will be a Loooooooong STRESSFUL day for me. I am so glad Master will be with me,He is such a huge support and comfort for me :-)) I will post tomorrow  then i do not know when i will be again,as i said hopefully i will come home with Master then i can continue posting my BDSM information/Topics. I will let you all know what happens,and i will post another quick reminder tomorrow.  :-))

Thank you to all who reads my Journal entries and all your suppot of them,I am happy you enjoy reading what i post and i pray in some small way what i post helps you.  If i can help just 1 person with the information/topics i post then i have accomplished what i have set out to do.. God Bless all of you my beloved friends and may He send His many blessings down upon you,your friends,your loving families and partner.. :-))

         ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

~Why It Is Important To Have A Good Self-Esteem~

Having a good healthy sef-esteem and self worth will enhance and benefit you and your partner in a D/s or M/s relationship.  It is important first and foremost to like yourself first before entering into a D/s or M/s relationship.  If you have low self-esteem and self worth is very unhealthy,it can lead to bad choices and decisions and you will be more likely to enter into a ABUSIVE relationship.  Now i am not saying to think of yourself as the best and smartest sub/slave or have an HOLIER THEN THOU ATTITUDE,what i am saying is to think of yourself as a good person and one worthy of a Dom/Master Domme/Mistress

Let your confidence shine through,show a potential Dom/Master,Domme/Mistress you are able to serve them and desire to serve them and will prove yourself worthy of their Dominance and attention.  Having a good healthy self-esteem will allow you to make god safe choices and decisions for yourself and will not lead you to be co-dependent on your partner,always looking to them for approval

Having a good healthy self-esteem and self worth willmake you feel good about yourself inside and out and make your Owner PROUD to have you as a sub/slave,.Also having a good healthy self-esteem and self worth will be of benefit to you and your partner in a scene/session especially a scene/session which includes HEAD GAMES/MIND FUCKING,I have discussed this issue some time ago but i will refresh your memory.

First of all HEAD GAMES/MINDFUCKING should NEVER be attempted if your Dom/Master Domme/Mistress has no experience or knowledge of this type of play.  Head games/mind fucking get extreme and intense very quickly and if your Owner does not know what to say,how far to take it or when to STOP! and you are not emotionally and mentally STRONG it can/will hurt you.

Second,You should have a good self esteem and self worth before this type of play is done,if you have a low self-esteem and self worth and you participate with the HEAD GAMES/MIND FUCKING Play there can/will be serious consequences if you are not ready or can handle what is being said to you.  This is why it is VERY VERY important that the Dom/Master  Domme/Mistress you are playing with has experience and knowledge of this type of extreme,intense emotional and mental play

Having a good self-esteem/self worth is very important for a healthy D/s or M/s relationship,if you have low self-esteem/self worth you can change the way you think of yourself with the help of your Owner,this is not going to happen over night especially if you have been in a ABUSIVE relationship,however with time,patience,tolerance and empathy you can change the negative way you think of yourself to a positive way of thinking of yourself and you will become STRONGER and be able to think clearly and handle situations much better.

Here is a exercise i would like you to try if you have low self esteem/self worth.  I want you to look at yourself in the mirror twice a day once in the morning and once before you go to bed and say to yourself, I AM A GOOD PERSON,I LIKE MYSELF AND HAVE A RIGHT TO BE HAPPY! and actually believe those words you are saying and feel them in your heart.  This little exercice alone will help you build up a good self esteem/self worth.

Please let me know how it works for you,and i pray in some little way it does because you do deserve happiness,and you deserve to be treated with RESPECT and DIGNITY and you are a good,kind person and worthy of a Dom/Master  Domme/Mistress..

God Bless you all and you can believe this,i like you just the way you are,you are a special unique intelligent person,who has alot to offer the right Owner.  I truly believe that and i want you to believe it to :-))  xoxoxoxo!

          ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

                  ~A Safe Call Could Save Your Life~

I want to share a story with all of you so you will understand just how important a SAFE CALL is,and let this be a WARNING! to the new subs/slaves. They need to be SAFE.

A safe call is something that you may never need to use but you should have one in case of a emergency.  A SAFE CALL is your back up plan and safety net,it could very well save your life

I met a slave at a recent munch Master and i attended,she told me this story and she allowed me to share it with all of you,the only stipulation is i do not use her real name,i respect that and i will call her slave_ann.

                             This Is Her Story

Slave_Ann met a Master in His home late one night about a week ago without a SAFE CALL.  Things esculated to sex and play even after they reviewed negotiations,and Ann was certain He understood her limits and all safety precautions.  During the scene/session He struck her on the tailbone with a flogger (A FORBIDDEN,OFF LIMIT AREA TO STRIKE A SUB/SLAVE) He struck her with excessive force.  The tailbone is a very deligate area of the body and should be AVOIDED at all costs.  It was even more deligate for Ann as she had surgery multiple times in the area. and has scar tissue there.  Ann ended the scene/session immediately so she could comfort her sore ASS!  The Master pleaded with her to stay but she refused and carefully made it back to her car for the long 40 minute drive home.

Ann had to go to the Emergency room 2 days later because fluid was building up on her tail bone making it impossible for her to sit down.  The Doctors had to surgically relieve the pressure  on her tail bone.

Now,you may be wondering how a SAFE CALL could have helped her? If Ann had a SAFE CALL she could have called them and asked for help and told her safe call she felt afraid the Master would not allow her to leave and to report what happened and talked with her safe call on the way home.  Whatever she needed and she really needed comforting.  She was physicall and emotionally hurt

If Ann had a safe call in place then at least he/she could have contacted the city or state police and dispatch an officer or 2 to the Masters residence,Ann knew she was in danger and had to get out.  She felt trapped even if the Master did allow her to leave.  The safe call could have been a saving grace and a comfort in a DANGEROUS situation,However the story does have a happy ending,I am her SAFE CALL :-))

DO NOT let a Dom/Master  Domme/Mistress bully you or tell you that you cant have a safe call or do not need one,YOU NEED ONE! You need that security,the safe call is there for you.  Ann learned her lesson a little too late,but the next time she plays with a Master and she feels unsafe and/or afraid she can call me day or night and i will be there with the city or state police with me.

Get the security of a safe call my dearest subs/slaves before it is needed or to late. BE SAFE ALWAYS!

            ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

   ~Establishing A Safe Trusting Environment For Talk~

The cornerstone for a good D/s or M/s relationship is good.open,honest communication.  When you have been at this awhile such as i have you dont have to think much about it because it is already in place,but when you are new,how do you set up a TRUSTING environment that you can talk in and feel safe with what you have to say?  Lets cover what a SAFE environment looks like from the people present to the physical location you choose to talk in.  A good SAFE environment takes planning and mutual agreements to work the way it is suppose to and you thought you just had to say WE NEED TO TALK! Right?

I have been in bad relationships and in hind sight they failed because of BAD communication in one way or another.  We learn to talk as babies but we never really learn to TALK! appropriately or completely until later in life.  Our voices need to be heard,but we need to learn to LISTEN to.

Alright,lets get started. How is this all set up?

First you and your partner need to be as EQUALS for this talk.  Shed your roles and set them aside even if the topic of conversation is your D/s or M/s relationship.  Coming together as EQUALS helps make the atmosphere feel SAFE and you will likely express what you need without fear of repercussions or not being heard.  Before the talk starts it helps to affirm that roles have been dropped for the talk.  I would like to recommend that you do not have talks like this immediately before or after a scene/session.  You need to place yourself on EQUAL footing for this safe environment

What else should you know?

                                 ~The Talk~

1) Know what you are going to say,you really need to think about what needs to be said.  If you are the one to request a time to talk have your topic and points in mind.  Nothing can de-rail a talk faster than not having your words all together and ready to share them.  If you need to write your thoughts down then do it

2) Set up a DATE,TIME AND PLACE,Tell your partner that you would like to request some of their time to talk freely (Out of role) and ask as RESPECTFULLY as you possibly can and NEVER DEMAND their full attention right away,  Set a date,place and time for it this way your partner will know  you are DEAD SERIOUS and you mean BUSINESS and what you have to say is important.  Several couples including Master and myself set aside 1 day a week for a SAFE talk.  It is usually Saturday afternoon between 1-2PM (EVERY SATURDAY)

3) Remove distractions.  The location that you choose to talk in has just as much importance as the talk itself.  You should turn off all music,TV,computers,and put your cell on SILENT RING or turn it off completely (that would be best) bring the children to the baby sitters or grandma and grampas house. DO NOT DO THIS KIND OF TALKING IN A PUBLIC PLACE OR WITH YOUR CHILDREN PRESENT!

4) Ues I statements.  Try your best not to attack your partner,one way to do this is to start your feeling sentence with I FEEL,for example instead of saying YOU MAKE ME ANGRY WHEN YOU.. you can say I FEEL UPSET WHEN YOU... what this does is turn an accusation into a explanation of feelings

5) BE HONEST  This may seem like a given,however i feel it is important to remind you that HONESTY is best even if it is PAINFUL. NEVER sugar coat anything in your conversation.  Surgar coating and telling your partner what He/She wants to hear is DECEITFUL and will come back and bite you in the ASS!! Plus,if you do sugar coat your talk and your partner finds out the truth at a later date then He/She will be more hurt and ANGRY then if you just told them the TRUTH in the first place,and this will turn a good open conversation into a very negative one with consequences,so do yourself a favor,tell your partner the truth,you will save yourself from a SEVERE PUNISHMENT and a very hurt untrusting,ANGRY Partner

God Bless All Of You And Be Good To One Another

            ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

                  ~Love In A M/s Relationship~

It is true,not all M/s relationships are romantic ones.  For couples i know the service is what is important and having romantic feeings for each other is not part of the deal.  Still others have a M/s relationship as secondary to their Primary relationship in which LOVE is the core.  That secondary relationship serves a purpose that the primary does not and LOVE is not always necessary.  I am also familiar with relationships that do not want LOVE to interfere with the intensity of the M/s relationship.  Any of these and still more are reasons why LOVE does not have to be part of the M/s dynamic.

How then does LOVE work for us and most of the relationships i have encountered?  LOVE is a intergal part of the relationship.  We do the things we do be it service,sex play,or anything else we come up with.  I LOVE Master and i do the things we have agreed upon because LOVE is part of it.  I do not thnk i could do what i do with Him if i did not LOVE Him,infact i know i couldnt

There are 5 things that make serving Master much more enjoyable for me and all 5 involve LOVE

1) Love makes serving Master easier,more worth while and pleasureable

2) LOVE means i am more personally invested in our life together and want it to work,grow and thrive.  I will strive to the end no matter what

3) LOVE keeps us rooted in REALITY more often than FANTASY,even when fantasy is the realm we experient with

4) LOVE makes our relationship STRONGER and more resilient

5) LOVE helps us work through issues and conflicts where a non-romantic relationship could mean a change in the relationship as a whole

I have heard from many couples who are in a M/s relationship say LOVE gets in the way of service or harsher scenes/sessions,SURE! it can if you let it.  I am not into the HARD EXTREME,INTENSE S/M that Master enjoys,now is that because i LOVE Him? Partially,i don't think i can accept that Master would treat me that way and LOVE me at the same time. (This is why He has a MASOCHIST/slave He sees on a regular basis).  Enduring that much physical pain is not in my thinking process.  What Master has with His other MASOCHIST/slave is STRICTLY S/M and not a personal or romantic relationship,but is that really LOVE getting in the way?? I dont think so.  I am not a MASOCHIST and i NEED LOVE in our M/s relationship and because i cannot tolerate high levels of PAIN has nothing to do with the LOVE Master and i have for one another

To prove this theory,i have wondered if i could enjoy the same S/M but with someone else and honestly i could not.

Sure,this is all personal speculation and experience,but since that is all i have to go on thats what i feel confident in discussing.  LOVE in our M/s relationship is POWERFUL,DEEP,COMPLETE,TOTAL and UNCONDITIONAL,just like the POWER EXCHANGE we have created around it.  The affection and LOVE we share is everywhere we go and in everything we do,it is a side effect of a good,healthy M/s relationship working.

                      ~Things To Ponder~

1) Do you love your Owner?  How does LOVE enhance your relationship?

2) Do ou think LOVE has to exist in a M/s relationship for the dynamic to work?

3) When can LOVE be detrimental to a M/s relationship?

              ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

                  ~Love In A M/s Relationship~

It is true,not all M/s relationships are romantic ones.  For couples i know the service is what is important and having romantic feeings for each other is not part of the deal.  Still others have a M/s relationship as secondary to their Primary

              ~The Responsibilities Of A Sub/Slave~

1) Spend Adequate Time exploring yourself,your needs and desires

20 Educate yourself,make the most of the resources that are available but don't believe everything you hear or read. Trust reputable sources,but make up your own mind about what is the truth

3) Learn what your needs,desires and goals are,define them adequately,make a list

4) Learn the differences between what you NEED and what you DESIRE,sometimes you cannot have both

]5) Learn and understand your limitations in depth

6) Learn safety issues of all areas of your interest,protect yourself adequately

7) Remember,you have the right to ASK! questions and expect honest answers

8) Remember common sense and USE IT!

9) Remember the choice to submit and OBEY is not a sign of weakness,it is an ADULT personal choice

10) Be aware of the differenes between SAFE,SANE and CONSENSUAL,BDSM and ABUSE.  Do not suffer ABUSE from anyone,if it is not consensual on behalf of both parties it is ABUSE and should NEVER be tolerated nor ACCEPTED

11) Learn how to negotiate,dont be afraid to ask questions and communicate

12) Understand and incorporate the full meaning of SAFE,SANE AND CONSENSUAL

13) Continueto learn and grow

14) Seek the advice or assistance when you need it

15) Be honest with yourself

16) RESPECT yourself and be RESPECTFUL of others who deserve it

17) Recognize that your submission or slavery is given freely and that it is not something to be taken by FORCE.  Choose wisely to whom you give it too

18) Be patient,Growth takes time

19)Accept RESPONSIBILITY for your own happiness and welfare

20) Allow yourself adequate time for healing when you hhave been hurt

21) Balance your submission or slavery with the other areas of your life

22) Remember that you have the right to say NO!!

23) NEVER let anyone take your self-dignity

24) Like yourself,Love yourself,Be your own best friend

25) Remember others also have agendas and they may not be the same as yours

26) Dont allow yourself to be used unless of course that is part of your kink

27) Be careful what you wish for,you may just get it and you might not like it

28) Communicate your limits to your partner,expect them to be RESPECTED

29) REFUSE to participate in any activity outside of your limits or that you are not ready for

30) Negotiate with complete honesty and embracing the concepts of SAFE,SANE AND CONSENSUAL

31) Accept your partners limits (YES! Dominants both Male and Female have limits too!) They also have the right to say NO!!

32) Communicate your feelings without blame or guilt

33) Be as interested in what your partner feels and says as He/She does the same in return

34) Remember that you and your partner are HUMAN and entitled to understanding,compassion and support

35) Refuse to allow yourself to be ABUSED be it emotionally,physically or psychologically

36) Forgive yourself and your partner for mistakes

37) Ask your partner for help when you need it

38) Expect RESPECT from your partner and vise-versa

39) Be appreciative of the Dominance and CONTROL your partner gives you

40) Take PRIDE and strive for EXCELLENCE in your submission or slavery as you do in your daily life

41) Take PRIDE in your appearance

42) It is your RESPONSIBILITY to be of good health and to advise your partner of any change in that regard

43) Listen to your partner and His/Her needs and desires

44) Be willing to consider with an open mind what your partner,suggests or requires of you

45) Understand that it takes 2 to make a partnership work,be willing to accept your share of the blame when things go wrong

46) Remember,that before BDSM basic HUMANNESS comes first,know when it is time to set aside BDSM and be a helper,friend,lover,husband,wife ETC

47) Have realistic expectations of your partner and yourself BE PATIENT!

48) Always accept any and all PUNISHMENTS with dignity,grace and thank your Dom/Master  Domme/Mistress for loving you enough to PUNISH you and correct your bad behavior

49) NEVER ASSUME! anything you know what happens when you ASSUME!

50) Gain knowledge and learn all you can before entering into a D/s or M/s relationship

         ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

I just had the sweetest female switch message me asking me to forward my 10 commandments to her so she could pass it on to some novices she knows,i told her i did not know how or i would be more then happy too.  The reason i am telling everyone this is because i would be more then happy to forward any of my topics to anyone if i knew how,but i am not that computer literate lol I wish i was.  I want to let all of you good people to know that if any topic i post interest you please feel free to copy it and pass it on to others,i do not mind at all ;-)) I need to ask Master how to forward my journal entries He is an IT Manager and is VERY computer literate If anyone would know He does :-))  I Do apologize for my lack of computer literacy,but everyone is more then welcome to copy anything i post and pass it on to others,or have them stop by my page and copy it. Everyone is welcomed to my page anytime that is convenient for you,nobody is EXCLUDED! from stopping by and/or copying anything i post ;-))

           ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

Good friday morning my beloved friends.  :-))  Before i post the next topic of the day,i want to add one more detail concerning a munch.. This is VERY important to remember.  Whatever you do dont turn the munch into a FETISH PARTY unless you host it at your home.  If you are going to a restaurant or anywhere outside your home among the VANILLA community you will want to keep it as VANILLA as possible and having your guests arive at a restaurant in their fetish attire will draw to much unwanted attention from other customers because they do not understand our lifestyle,so you have to be polite and courteous to them when around them..

If you host a munch in the privacy of your own home that is different then if you want to have your guests arrive in their fetish attire that will be more then acceptable. This is a VERY VERY important F.Y.I To remember ladies and gentlemen and i wanted to bring it to your attention.  :-))

Okay,now i will post my next topic of the day.

   ~10 Commandments Of Submission And Slavery~

1) BE PATIENT.. A Potential Dom/Master  Domme/Mistress will let you know if He/She is interested in you or not.  Keep in mind that your purpose as a sub/slave is to serve and satisfy someone who will take into consideration the realization of yur needs.  Do not expect your Owner to be able to turn on and off like a light switch.  The timing must be right for both of you

2) BE HUMBLE.. You may be GODS or GODDESSES gift to the world and the most sought after prize in town,but no one wants or needs to hear it.  You will have ample opportunity to show how SUBMISSIVE and OBEDIENT you are.  No matter what you claim,the REAL YOU will show through in a scene/session.  Dont set yourself up for failure by developing expectations that you know you and your Owner can NEVER reach

3) BE OPEN.. You can learn something about BDSM and about yourself from everyone in BDSM. No matter how experienced or inexperienced they are or how good they are,BDSM is a very personal art and an I ALREADY KNOW IT ALL!! attitude will make you miss valuable lessons and experiences and ignore potentionally valuable close friends

4) COMMUNICATE.. Communication is necessary,but at the appropriate times and in the appropriate way.  Your Owner needs to know basic information about you such as experience,fantasies,health concerns,likes/dislikes,turn ons/turn offs limits ETC unless it is an emergency wait until your Owner asks.  Dont expect your Dom/Master  Domme/Mistress to be a mind reader who instinctively knows your needs/wants and limits.  Your cooperation will enhance the scene/session for both of you

5) BE HONEST...Do not be afraid to share your needs/wants and fantasies,your Owner expects it.  Honesty about your wants/needs,health concerns,ETC are essential to a good scene/session.  Lying or being less than candid can only lead to problems,as your Owner will base the scene/session on inaccurate information,besides causing problems it can be DANGEROUS!

6) BE VULNERABLE..Your scene/session is a 2 way street.  It is not  just the physical realization of your prior fantasies.  If you want to limit your experience to certain physical and psychological stimulation then contract with your Owner ahead of time,but dont always expect your Dom/Master Domme/Mistress to be a puppet in a fantasy play you have written in your head.  It is far better to let your Owner surprise you to extend your limits,to take you to places you have never been before.  When you TRUST your Owner completely let Him/Her know it and let your Owner guide you into new fantasies

7) BE REALISTIC.. Your Owner is HUMAN and even the most experienced Ones have awkward moments and indecision.  Dont call attention to what you perceive as a lapse.  Know the difference between REALITY and FANTASY you would see in books or magazines.  Few Owners are RICH enough to afford a large well equipped dungeon with a lavish layout.  Equipment and toys are VERY expensive,your Owners equippment is expensive RESPECT it and dont ABUSE it.

8) BE REALLY SUBMISSIVE AND OBEDIENT

This is the whole concept.  Let your Owner take total and complete control over you. DO NOT coach or second guess or be critical of your Owner.  Exchange information on your special needs before the scene/session begins, but once it starts BE QUIET!! if you insist on running a scene/session to your own specifications then you should try being a Dom/Master Domme/Mistress not a SUBMISSIVE or SLAVE  You have agreed to limitations of your own FREE WILL stay within those limitations.  RESPECT and OBEY your Owner and expect PUNISHMENT if you dont.  Accept your PUNISHMENT with grace,dignity and cheerfully.  Your Owner has many things to be concerned with including your safety and what turns you on.  Be a LOYAL submissive or slave and dependable and enjoy your submission and slavery

9) BE HEALTHY.. BDSM is like any strenuous activity.  It requires that all participants both active and passive.  Try to be in good physical health,and if you aren't then discuss your health issues with your Owner and He/She will compensate for any physical activity you may not be able to do.

10) HAVE FUN.. After all BDSM is all about having a good time.  You have earned it and you are entitled to the unique intense pleasure which comes from RESPONSIBILE creative BDSM Play.

          ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

This next topic may be of interest to some people who would like to host a MUNCH! but do not know how to go about it.. Master and i have hosted munches and still do so i will give you step by step instructions how to organize one so if you are interested you can host one at your home  :-)) and PLEASE! feel free to copy this to help you plan and organize a MUNCH and have it be very successful ;-)) i am here to please :-))

                  ~How To Organize A Munch~

WHO..If you are the organizer,then you can decide who you want to invite to the munch.  You can place whatever limits you want or define who it is for as you see fit

WHEN... The two best times i have found from hosting a munch are usually on the weekends. Friday or Saturday Evenings starting around 5pm.  This gives mostly everyone a chance to get home from their jobs,shower and prepare their sub/slave for the munch. Usually Dinner is served or everyone is asked to bring a dish of their choice.  The host of the munch will send out invitations and if serving dinner will include a multple choice for the entree (Beef,chichen,fish) and also the host will request a R.S.V.P Card so the host can have an accurate head count to make sure there will be enough food served.

WHERE.. This is not an easy one i am afraid.. It really depends on your crowd,how long you have been doing,and if you are just starting then i would recommend that you do NOT! have your munch at a place that serves ALCOHOL.  It can lead to a DISASTER. Places like Dennys or your neighborhood diner are good as long as you can have a semi-private room at least.  You dont want to scare off the other customers and not be invited back.  During the spring and summer you might consider a place where you can dine outside,like a picnic area. (Master and i went to a munch earlier this summer at one of our local beaches and it was LOVELY!) except for the flies,bees and ants lolol. Also you may need to consider what your guests will want to eat.  This is why having a buffet style dinner is PERFECT because everyone can bring their favorite dish for everyone to enjoy  :-))

HOW.. Well generally speaking the two interests that all of the group shares are computers and some type of alternative lifestyle interest.  Posting to the appropriate news groups is the recommended method of announcement for your munch.  You can also use alternative methods as well.  As i stated previously sending out actual invitations to the people you want to invite is more personal than posting to a news group (but that is just my opinion)  Word of mouth is VERY good as well.  Putting on a munch is not an easy task,it takes time to coordinate everything when you first start but when they get going and the core group is well established they can be self-maintaining.  You can set up a day,time and place where you always meet and then guests show up at the munch. If the weekends are not good for you then you can set a day,time and place that will accomidate your needs

If you do consider hosting your munch at a restaurant make sure your guests do seperate checks and let your waiter/waitress know this.  This is VERY Important for a couple of reasons,First,if one or two of your guests are just having a beverage and not an actual meal they will not want to pay for another guests prime rib dinner. And second,if you  have more then one waiter or waitress make sure they reciece the correct amount of tips.

Also consider who may be coming and what they can afford.  One big meal a month is acceptable but certainly not two or more.  If you pick a restaurant that doesnt have some type of sandwiches it may cut down on attendance

If you organize and plan your munch in advance and decide if you are going to a restaurant or hosting it at your home,how manyguests are coming,what to serve,your munch will be a success and the more you host the easier it becomes.. I wish you the very best of luck,and if you do host a munch i would love to know how it turned out and if what i posted was any help to you ;-)) please let me know i would enjoy hearing from you :-))

         ~slave_brenda/slave_to-Master_John~

 ~Ideas To Make Your Slave Feeled Owned (I.E. Loved)

1) Have your slave wear slave bells,the constant soft jingling of the bells is soothing and a certain reminder of his/her slavery.  (If you can tolerate the soft jingling)

2) When your slave has broken a rule,talk to him/her as you punish and make your slave speak in detail about why what they did was wrong

3) Make your slave remove his/her shoes as soon as your slave enters your home

4) A special collar will make any slave joyous,take the time to select the right one and have your slave wear it as often as possible

5) Have your slave call you each day at a specified time. NO EXCUSES! for not doing so

6) Give your slave anklets (usually worn by female slaves) and tell her she must wear one of them or both daily NO EXCUSES!

7) Whenever possible (I.E. No curious children around) have your slave kneel before you and ask permission to sit on the furniture

8)Choosehis/her hairstyle and go with your slave to get it cut to your specifications

9) When around kids or VANILLA family/friends,make sure your slave has an alternative title for you besides MASTER OR MISTRESS.  Such as SIR,MA'AM or using your first name

10) Have your slave crawl to bed each night (If physically able to do so)

11) Choose your slaves clothing daily

12) Have your slave get your daily wardobe ready for you the night before laid out,ironed ETC

13) After PUNISHMENT,Have your slave kiss your feet/boots and THANK YOU for loving them enough to correct them

14) Have your slave bring a warm towel and wash and massage your feet each day of the week (Make this a daily ritual)

15) Get your slave tattooed (Your choice of art and location)

16) Get your slave pierced (Or perferably if you are trained do it yourself)

17 Get your slave branded with your Name or Title (I.E. Master-X or Mistress_X)

18) RESPECT but push your slaves limits

19) Ask your slave each night what he/she did that day that you would NOT have approved of,this gets your slave in the habit of being completely HONEST and also makes him/her conscious of the things they could do better each day

20) Teach your slave exactly how you want him/her to kneel and DEMAND PERFECTION

21) Reward your slave by allowing him/her to please you sexually

22) Each night,tell your slave to kneel next to the bed asking permission to sleep with you and each night he/she does,make your slave kneel by the bed in the morning and THANK YOU for the privilege

23) Have your slave polish your boots weekly on his/her knees at your feet

24) Negotiate until you are both comfortable with the terms of a contract and then both sign and date it

25) Give your slave a writing assignment. THE DEFINITION OF PAIN 1000 words NO MORE,NO LESS 1000 words EXACTLY!

26) Instruct your slave that he/she may NEVER get themelves something to eat or drink in your presence without first asking you if you want something

27) Some evenings,keep your slave on a leash and take him/her with you no matter what you do,even if you do not speak to your slave or include them in your activities

28) When appropriate,your slave is not to speak unless spoken to

29) Instruct your slave NOT to make eye contact withyou without yur command

30)Have your slave run all your errands for the week,make a list and tell your slave he/she has only a few hours to complete those errands and hold them to your time frame

Please feel free to copy this list and use it as a reference with your slave if you are interested.  :-))

        ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

Before i post todays topic i want to thank the very nice people who subscribed to my journals,i never noticed or i would have thanked them sooner.  I am happy you enjoy reading my journals,and i appreciate you subscribing,i am humbled indeed and THANK YOU to everyone in generawho reads my journals, i am glad you find my information and topic interesting enough to read and subscribe to.  Thank you so much for your support,it means the world to me :-))

{{{{{{{HUGS ALL OF YOU}}}}}} xoxoxoxo! :-))

          ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

I have been asked numerous times if Master would ever push one of my HARD LIMITS which is being with anther woman,  My answer to that is i hope not!! I am not bi or bi-curious i never have been,but i realize that Men like to watch 2 women and Master is no exception to that rule,however He RESPECTS my HARD LIMITS and pushes my SOFT LIMITS..

I cannot say honestly if His other slave who He sees on a regular basis is BI or BI-CURIOUS because i NEVER ask questions about that other relationship and as i have stated many times in the past,His other relationships online and in REAL LIFE is none of my business and not my concern,but as for me,Master reallyNEVER pushed that limit.

If He really really wanted me to i would although i would HATE every minute of it and most likely be sick at the thought of having SEX with another Woman because just thinking of having sex with a Woman makes my skin crawl,but if Master really wanted me to i would but i thank GOD Every night He doesn't.

I can NEVER say NEVER because there may come a time He might discuss that issue with me,and though i could still say NO! i know how much it would please Him so i would,but i hope that day does not come where i would do it.

I have notthing against Lesbians,Or Bi-Sexuals and they have a right to practice and enjoy their sexual preference i am not one of them.  Lets just say this in lamens terms.  I was born STRAIGHT and GOD willing i will die STRAIGHT.I RESPECT everybody and their lifestyle and their sexual preference and i accept everyone regardless of their sexual preference it is just i am not interested in Women,and i hope other people can RESPECT my sexual preference in return.  :-))

            ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

                   ~4 Types Of Masochist~

Within BDSM there are different types of masochists and i could write a very thick book describing their differences in style,but i can easily describe the most popular ones in this article.

DISCLAIMER: This is NOT a classification because many BDSM adepts will recognize themselves in many types of BDSM masochist described here.  This article is just a tool to help understand and figure out how to deal with these BDSM Masochists

1) THE CONTEXT BDSM MASOCHIST.. For this masochist PAIN is not important,Actually many of them have no PAIN tolerance what so ever.  For them the excitement comes from surrounding the context of the scene/session such as the toys,equipment and the dungeon.  A well equipped dungeon is the main pleasure for them,to satisfy them.  The key word here is DIVERSITY,They get tired quickly of the same thing,they want more toys,more sensation,the trick with them is to keep an ace up your sleeve,DO NOT reveal everything to them

2) THE ENDORPHIN BDSM MASOCHIST.. The key word here is ENDORPHIN.  This type of BDSM Masochist is into PAIN just to get the euphoric effect of endorphins.  They will accept a M/s relationship on the condition that they get their FIX (so to speak) of ENDORPHINS from their sadist who can give it to them.  Most of these BDSM MASOCHIST can be very through and get  a HUGE amount of PAIN TOLERANCE from lots of S/M play.  If their sadist can give them the PAIN they want and need they will be very faithful to their sadist

3) THE EXHIBITIONIST BDSM MOSOCHIST.. Appearances are EVERYTHING.  To be seen.  The most BEAUTIFUL equipment.  This Masochist takes the most PAIN,The most BEAUTIFUL clothing,being the center of attention is what is important to this Masochist.  There is no interest to have a PRIVATE scene/session.  For them being in a PUBLIC BDSM setting is the most important objective to this BDSM Masochist

4) THE SEXUAL BDSM MASOCHIST.. With this Masochist,the BDSM scene/session is the context to get SEXUAL PAIN.  For women,it is FISTING,All kinds of insertions,RAPE SIMULATION.  For men,FISTING,Sodomy,RAPE SIMULATION,and strangely enough ORGASM is part of their satisfaction,from its physical effects,this type of BDSM MASOCHIST is not very faithful to their sadist.  New sexual sensation being the main objective of their quest and they dont have any problems getting the NEW SENSATION from somebody other then their sadist/partner.

There are many more types of BDSM MASOCHISTS but i am posting the EXCEPTIONAL cases here.

Many BDSM players may find themselves in more than one type of style of BDSM MASOCHISTS.  Being able to figure out where a MASOCHIST stands in this little classification will help a SADIST to know how to create a good BDSM scene/session and adapt to the masochist style.

DISCLAIMER: This is NOT a classification of any sort.  There is no hierarchy of BDSM players.  None of these types of masochists are better then the others.  The choice of the type of BDSM Masochist that you are comes from PERSONAL CHOICE

This article is just a beginning to comprehend the needs of the different types of masochists and will NEVER replace a good NEGOTIATION between partners.  I know that many masochists have difficulties expressing their NEED in BDSM and i do hope and pray that this will at least be a good start for their negotiation.

I wish you all a BEAUTIFUL S/M scene/session wth the right type of PAIN for the right MASOCHIST

            ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

I have a quick announcement to make,september 20th i will not be posting any BDSM information/topics.  Master has to take me down to Mass General to see a Neurologist (Dr. Wilkinson) For a second opinion and most likely surgery.  Back in jan i had a fusion of my neck but there is still something wrong where i may need another surgery,so my primary care Dr. is sending me to Mass General,so i may not be available for a while depending on what Dr.Wilkinson tells Master and myself,i will remind all of you again as my date gets closer,but i wanted to let everyone know in case some of you read my journals and then find i havent posted in a few days,you will know why ;-)) but i will be posting up until The 20TH of this month :-))  Thank you all for your time..

           ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

                      ~Bondage And Restraint~

Some Dominants/Masters would rather tie their sub/slave with silk scarves instead of with ropes or chains.  Silk scarves are more gentle and less threatening especially for new subs/slaves.  Silk scarves,nylon stockings ETC are actually quite DANGEROUS for bondage for 2 reasons,1 they tend to pul very tight making kots difficult to remove and 2 they PINCH which can cause never damage,rope is actually safer to use

SPREAD EAGLE RESTRAINT, can become uncomfortable or painful very quickly.  Positions in which the sub/slaves arms are tied out to their side or are tied to their waist can be maintained for much longer than positions in which the sub/slaves arms are tied over their head

HANDCUFFS.. The kind you find in a sex toy shop are not SAfE! for bondage because they do not have a double lock.  REAL police handcuffs can be doubled locked which means that they can be set so that they will  not tighen up if you press or sit on them.  CHEAP handcuffs without a double lock tend to get tighter and tighter if you press or sit on them.  You can find REAL police handcuffs just about any where.  Master bought His at a knife store

In general,when you have someone tied up,ALWAYS be ALERT of tingling,numbness or coldness.  If you are the one restrained and your hands or feet tingle or get numb this usually means that the restraint is pressing a nerve. Tell your Dominant/Master,and ask Him to loosen the restraints slightly and/or move you so that the tingling goes away.  If your hands or feet become COLD to the touch,your circulation is being cut off,Again tell your Dominant/Master to loosen the restraints or re-position you

WARNING!! DO NOT LEAVE A RESTRAINED SUB/SLAVE ALONE FOR ANY REASON!!!

Keep a pair of sharp scissors handy in case you need to get your sub/slave loose in a hurry or if you do not have time to untie the ropes.  The best to use is a pair of BONDAGE SCISSORS,Have the pointed upper blade but a blunt lower blade.  You can slip them beneath a rope without poking or cutting your sub/slave.  They are very cheap to purchase

WARNING!! DO NOT PLACE ANYTHING OVER THE NOSE AND MOUTH if you gag your sub/slave make sure her nose is not covered or else she will not be able to breathe and could die.

Basically what i am telling you is USE YOUR COMMON SENSE when it comes to BONDAGE AND RESTRAINT! and if you are not familiar or experienced with any bondage or restraint DO NOT ATTEMPT to bind or restrained your sub/slave until you have a Dominant/Master who is familair and has experience show you the correct and safe way to bind and restrain your sub/slave.

                ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

I am sure alot of you know the Goth Band EVANESCENCE,Well they are one of my favorite bands,today except for the fact AMY LEE who was the lead vocalist who had an AMAZING POWERFUL VOICE has left,but i have their earlier CDS when AMY was still in the band,and Master and i listen to EVANESCENCE when we have a scene/session. There is one song in particular that i really love,and i want to dedicate it to all the slaves out there who had an Owner,was released for whatever reason then years later by chance they run into their Previous Owner and still Loves them.

I am sure there are a few slaves who can relate to this song,and i want to dedicate TAKING OVER ME to you  It is an AWESOME song and says what i think you feel in your heart for an Owner you had long ago but still Love and want them Back,so without further a do. i dedicate TAKING OVER ME! By EVANESCENCE.

You Dont remember Me But I Remember You

I Lie Awake At Night And Try So Hard Not To Think Of You,But Who Can Decide What We Dream? And Dream I Do

I Believe In You,Ill Give Up Everything Just To Find You,I Have To Be With You,To Live,To Breathe,Youre Taking Over Me

Have You Forgotten All I Know? And All We Had? You Saw Me Mouringing My Love For You And Touched My Hand,I Knew You Loved Me Then

I Believe In You

Ill Give Up Everything Just To Find You

I Have To Be With You

To Live, To Breathe

Youre Taking Over Me

I Look In The Mirror And See Your Face

If I Look Deep Enough

So Many Things Inside That Are Just Like You,Are Taking Over

I Believe In You

Ill Give Up Everything Just To Find You

I Have To Be With You

To Live,To Breathe

Youre Taking Over Me

         ~slave_brenda_slave_to_Master_John~

                       ~Absolute Slavery~

The basic requirements,general rules and dynamics of ABSOLUTE SLAVERY and ABSOLUTE POWER EXCHANGE

A slave will NEVER be truly happy or content in his/her life if they are un-owned.  A slaves most profound freedom is found within his/her owners chains and within these chains the slave is free to live as he/she is destined to live,to serve and please and to be pleased in return for the privilege to serve and please their Owner

A slave will NEVER think of themselves as a WEAK IGNORANT person,for it takes a STRONG and INTELLIGENT person to commit to the drive inside themselves,to serve,to OBEY and to please their Owner

A slave chooses willingly to be the property of their Owner and as a slave,the property and an object of the Owner he/she is of GREAT VALUE,and the slave is an instrument to be used by the Owner to draw out His/Her pleasures

Above all else a slaves primary and foremost focus shall be to PLEASE and OBEY their Owner,hoping the Owner finds the slave pleasing in all they do whether in the presence of their Owner or not

When a slave is not in the presence of their Owner and has choices to make,he/she will perform them to the best of their abilities and within the boundaries and guidance as the Owner has allowed the slave

A slave is always OBEDIENT to their Owner whether in the Owners Presence or not.  The slave will be ready to serve and please their Owner at anytime,at any place under any circumstances regardless of who may be present

Unless a slave is privileged or is specifically granted a privilege by the Owner,a slave shall ask permission for ANYTHING and EVERYTHING he/she does or to satisfy whatever need the slave might have before doing it

A slave has RIGHTS the Owner has allowed,and the slave may be granted the privilege of a voice by their Owner.  All granted priviledges and voice also may be withdrawn at the Owners sole discretion at any time without any explanation as to why

A slave is a slave by literal definition. An Owner who does not actually OWN a slave completely does not own a slave at all.

Only in a ABSOLLUTE bondage and slavery with complete and total OBEDIENCE and RESPECT to their Owner shall a slave fulfill his/her potential and destiny through DISCIPLINE and PUNISHMENT shall a slave learn to behave,OBEY and please their Owner

A slave is the Owners ABSOLUTE and UNCONDITIONAL property,a slave shall not have any free time of their own and nor shall a slave place any restrictions upon their Owner.  A slave shall ultimately adopt to the boundaries set by their Owner

It is the sole responsibility to train,educate,mold and shape the slave according to His/Her needs and desires and therefore set limits,boundaries and slave rules for the slave in accordance with their Owners Judgement

The needs of a slaves Owner must always come first before the slaves,the slave will NEVER say NO! to their Owner or be selfish with anything,as the Owner has the right to be served and get whatever the Owner wants from their slave regardless of what it is

A slave greatest felt satisfaction is realized when he/she knows they have pleased their Owner,but does not look for any type of REWARD for their OBEDIENCE

There can be no greater PAIN or suffering a slave can feel then when their Owner is not pleased with their slave and service

A slaves Owner makes the final decisions in all matters and issues and must TRUST in the wisdom,judgement and fairness of their Owner in all matters whether the slave understands,realizes or agrees with their Owners decision at any particular time or not.

A slave shall not and cannot release themselves from the duties,collar and/or service to their Owner without the Owners EXPLICIT PERMISSION,APPROVAL AND CONSENT

A slave is therefore not free to leave their Owner without DISGRACE and SHAME or the FEAR of permanently losing their Owner

A slave must realize that his/her service is the direct result of the slaves CONSENSUAL AGREEMENT that he/she has petitioned and entered strictly voluntarily as such the slaves deepest desires,wishes and needs

A slave shall be their Owners property in the most STRICT sense,ABSOLUTE,COMPLETELY and UNCONDITIONALLY for as long as their Owner chooses and the arrangement continues to be managed and controlled in the manner which is beneficial to the Owner and in accordance with their manually shared natures

A slave shall NEVER EVER dictate any/all BDSM activities,play scenes/sessions,disciplinarey measures,punishments,orders and/or commands of their Owner

As a slave it is their Owners complete responsibility for their slaves behavior,actions,deeds,care,safety,health and welbeing be it physically,mentally and ultimately the slaves life in accordance with GODS LAW and the Owners values,standards and principles.

            ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

Today i am taking a break from posting BDSM information and i want to share some inspirational quotes with you,to put a smile on your face if you are having a bad day or not feeling so well,or missing someone you LOVE.  :-))

A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotton the words.. Author Unknown

Laughter is the closest distance between two people.. By Victor BorgeDon't walk in front of me,i may not follow,don't walk behind me,i may not lead,just walk beside me and be my friend..By Albert Camus

It is not what we say about our blessings,but how we use them is the true measure of our thanksgiving..By W.T.Purkiser

Life is the flower for which LOVE is the honey..By Victor Hugo

Friendship is a treasured gift..Author UnknownMusic is what feelings sound like..Author UnknownFocus on the journey,not the destination.  Joy is found not in finishing an activity but in doing it..By Greg Anderson

Three grand essentials to happiness in this life are,something to do,something to LOVE and something to hope for..By Joseph Addison

Dreams are like stars,You may never touch them,but if you follow them they will lead you to your destiny.. Auther Unknown

True friendship is seen through the heart,not through the eyes..Author Unknown

I hope you enjoy reading these as much as i enjoyed posting them :-)) Have a Bless_ed Day Everyone.

           ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

I am sorry i forgot to mention a PET STORE like petco to purchase a leash and a dog collar also dog bowls,and don't worry what others might think.about what you purchase and where you purchase your toys is NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS!! and if someone happens to see your store purchased toys and makes fun of them,before telling them to LEAVE YOUR HOME!! tell them if they are so RICH! why don't they have an elebrate well equipped dungeon?? and if they say they do tell me GOOD FOR YOU!! BUT I HAVE OTHER OBLIGATIONS AND CANNOT AFFORD EXPENSIVE TOYS AND EQUIPPMENT LIKE YOU!! and i can guarantee you they also don't have a well equipped dungeon either...

You HAVE FUN!! this is your toy box,and NEVER be ashamed because you can't afford expensive toys and equippment,you  really don't need them.. The only one you have to impress is your SLAVE nobody else,and i am sure he/she will be very happy with what you purchase.. Master can't afford expensive toys or equippment either but it does not matter to me.  He bought alot of good items for playing and i enjoy them very much :-))  If someday you do have a little extra money and want to purchase an expensive piece of equipment then by all means purchase it but don't feel you are obligated to do so, Purchase what you can when you can and in the mean time head to your local dollar store,hard ware store,pet store,thrift shop ETC and purchase items you would like to fill your toy box,and bring your slave with you and if he/she has been OBEDIENT and GOOD let him/her pick out some items or clothing to play with and wear. Don't feel bad if someone else thinks what you purchase is cheap and doesn't work,they are not your slave and you will not be playing with them so their opinions really don't COUNT or MATTER!! What you purchase is for you and your slave and if you like what you purchase and your slave likes what you purchase then that is all that matters..

                        ~HAPPY SHOPPING~  :-))

         ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

Today i want to discuss different things you can do and toys you can purchase when you are on a STRICT and limited budget as we all have to do these days.

Not every Master/Mistress can afford elebrate well epuipped dungeons,the epuippment and toys necessary for a dungeon are VERY,VERY expensive,however there are items you can purchase in your local dept stores,hard ware stores,and dollar stores that make GREAT toys and equipment,and also when it comes to a COLLAR it doesn't have to the the expensive leather or steel collars,any piece of jewerly can be used as a symbol of ownership, a plain gold chain,or anklets a pin anything can be used as a sign of ownership..

You can purchase all of kinds of COOL things in different stores start a GREAT toy box for little money :-))

Dollar stores are WONDERFUL! I LOVE going to our local dollar stores. 

There are many items there in which you can purchase to fill your toy box and everything is a DOLLAR so if you buy 20 items it will only cost you 20 dollars plus tax,Not a bad deal,You can purchase rope,clothspins jewerly which would be EXCELLENT for a symbol of ownership. (just be careful of necklaces because your neck might turn green. lol ) but they have very pretty pins,anklet bracelets as i stated above. Hardware stores have many many COOL items you can purchase to fill your toy box,like hooks,clamps,wooden dowels GREAT as spreader bars,ropes all kinds of goodies.Thrift shops are  AWESOME if you want to buy clothes for your scene/session,or your local salvation army or mission any place like that you can find clothes to wear for a scene/session.

Dept stores have all kinds of goodies to fill your toy box for little money.  Alot of us don't have a whole lot of extra money to spend on toys and equipment but you don't need alot of money to purchase toys,clothing,collars ETC all you need is some creativity and imagination and you can start filling your toy box in no time,Why not try it,GO start to fill your toy box TODAY! and you will see all kinds of wonderful things you can purchase for very little money.HAVE FUN! and BE SAFE ALWAYS!! :-))

          ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_JohN~

                    ~To Thine Own Self Be True~

Many of us spend too much time relating our whole beings to the LIFESTYLE in a way that compartmentalizes what we do and who we are.  It trivializes  the very thing that makes it important who we are as a whole and healthy HUMAN BEINGS. It includes the piece of the whole,yet we think on it,write about it,talk about it,meet about it and read about it until it is no longer a lifestyle choice but a cartoon representation of what it is that we do and who we are

One of the results of such obsessions is that we forget such simple realities as the fact that finding a partner who has the same political views or the same religious persuasion.  The fundamentals of healthy relationships still apply and are of the most basic TRUTHS. In order to have a healthy long term committed relationship,you have to know yourself,you have to ask twice as many questions of yourself as you  will ever ask of any potential partner

My Master and i were extraordinarily lucky,not only because we found each other but because of the seeming ease with which it happened.  We met online 11 years ago,and as our relationship progressed i knew something special would happen as a result of a meeting we would eventually have.

I experienced a fairy tale and am still in the throes of happily ever after but no matter how wonderful and perfect we are for one another it would not have happened if we were not at peace within ourselves,it would have passed us both by

Online ads,classifieds in your local kink friendly paper (if available in your local area) club hopping meeting and munch attendance,asking friends to introduce you to a potential partner.  All of these are ways to find someone who might be perfect for you but without knowing who you are and what you want,it wont mean anything,thinking,using your brain  is what it takes to find a partner in this or any other lifestyle. 

After one too many occurences of Men breaking my heart i realized that i could not know what i wanted in a Man/Master until i figured out what i wanted in myself.  Finding the right Partner means understanding your passions,that means all of your passions not just those that relate to BDSM.  Think about what those passions are

I am a slave to my Master. (John) but in order to be His slave i have to be myself and know without any doubt what my passions are and they are Master_John and my Kids/cats. Shortly before i met Master 11 years ago i wrote a list of things i wanted in a Man/Master amd He meets every single one of my criteria but none of them would have meant much if He could not wholeheartedly embrace my passions.  I am lucky,the passion for Master and in Him and from From Him has fueled myself,not only has Master fueled that passion He has encouraged and embraced it,just as He has with our close friends

We are whole HUMAN BEINGS our bodies are not separate entities from our intellects nor are our intellects separate entities from our spiritual selves.  That wholeness is something we cant improve. However,we have to learn to accept that truth,being our whole self is what makes us healthy and being healthy is the only way to maintain a relationship. 

I cant ignore the simple truth that what i think about affects my physical and spiritual being because it is all my being.  Knowing who i am and what my needs are is a major part of accepting the truth about my slavery and all of that began long before Master found me

There are things i did not know about myself that Master has helped me to discover.  I never thought i would discover the NEED to be OWNED by another,the idea of calling myself SLAVE was not something i considered until i met Master.  With Him i did discover a NEED to give myself,my life over to Him completely without reservations.  Would it have happened with anyone other than Him? NO,ABSOLUTELY NOT! but it most certainly would not have happened had i not already learned how to be honest with myself about who i am and what my needs are

TO THINE SELF BE TRUE.. Shakespeare had said it best.  Without telling yourself the truth you can NEVER give the TRUTH to another. 

             ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

                      ~On Being Punished~

Most slaves rely on their Owners to guide,instruct and discipline them  They rely on their Owners to explain their needs,they look for instruction about how to behave and how to serve.  They are glad to be provided with sufficient incentives to learn.  A Further desire is that the Owner provide PUNISHMENT when necessary.  All of these expectations are valid and are meant to assist in the achievement of the Owners goals

Numerous essays have been written about methods of punishment but they are usually written for the Master/Mistress.  These essays often accureately suggest that physical punishment (such as spanking,paddling etc) is NOT especially useful since many slaves are sexually aroused by PAIN.  Other methods are suggested and often an Owner feels His/Her obvious disappointment in their slave should be punishment enough

Despite the incination to be aroused by PAIN,a CORPORAL PUNISHMENT can be effective and sometimes more effective than other methods of punishment.  While the Owners disappointment may accute feelings of GUILT and a desperate wish for approval,it is not always enough to make a point or change behavior

Any slave has a RESPONSIBILITY during punishment (this also pertains to submissives as well male and female) It is not just to accept and attempt to learn from it,although those things are obviously important but to change the mind-set that would allow the slave to find it pleasureable.  This is something a slave must do for themselves,something the slave is obligated to do in any punishment situation,not just a corporal one.  It requires nothing more than dis-allowing the pleasureable aspects of PAIN temporarily dismissing sexual or stimulating elements.

Punishment just like the POWER EXCHANGE itself begins in the mind. If an encounter with a paddle is viewed as sexual and exciting then that is what it is,but changing the frame of mind allows the slave to recognize that structured PAIN can also help the slave become exactly what he/she wants to be,although a good Owner knows how to inflict a painful punishment without allowing the slave to slip into SLAVE SPACE.  The slave also must take the fantasy out of corporal punishment and replace it with the reality of the punishment administered as PUNISHMENT not PLEASURE

I Personally do not have that problem because I HATE PAIN! so any corporal punishment Master administers to me HURTS LIKE HELL! and also Master administers mental and emotional PUNISHMENTS and those are far worse for me than any physical punishment from a flogger,paddle ETC Because it effects my heart and the GUILT i feel when Master tell me what a BAD DISOBEDIENT SLAVE I AM!! is so much more painful to me and it takes alot longer to come back from the mental and emotional punishmemts for me.

            ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

I am humbled by the sweet compliment i received from a young up and coming slave,  She said that she hopes she could be like me someday and know everything about BDSM. Though i am flattered by that compliment i do not know EVERYTHING about BDSM.  There are more people who know about this lifestyle then i do, i just share what i have learned over 11 years,i enjoy sharing information with everyone in hopes that some new sub/slave will gain a little knowledge and not feel so alone and scared.  If i can help just 1 new sub/slave then i did my job and accomplished what i have set out to do with my information i post here. It may seem like i know everything but i can assure you i do not,i continue to learn and grow in my slavery by doing more research on different topics,by going to weekly meetings and munches and talking with other subs/slaves.

I take notes,study and ask alot of questions.  I have learned alot from others in this beautiful lifestyle,and i am happy to get advice and sggestions from other subs/slaves and also Masters/Mistresses.. We are always learning new things,BDSM is a never ending place for knowledge.  The more knowledge we all gain the more experience we will get by putting to use the knowledge we have gained..

I wish i did know EVERYTHING about BDSM but that will NEVER happen and i would not want to know EVERYTHING because if i did there would be nothing left to learn and for me that would be very sad and depressing..  When it comes to knowledge of this lifestyle i want to continue to learn and grow and share what i know with others.

I believe that all of us who have experience and knowledge should share it with new people just entering this lifestyle and maybe be a mentor to them and point them in the right direction while they make up their own minds if this is what they really want..  I am not about FORCING anyone to do anything i am about sharing my experiences and knowledge with anyone who may be interested,and i will be friends with anyone here if they choose to want to be friends with me,if not that is perfectly fine as well.  I RESPECT! people and their lifestyles,i am non-judgemental,and i will help anybody if i possibly can,  So thank you again sweetheart for your compliment,and i am sure the more you learn the more you will grow in your slavery and one day you will be sharing your knowledge and experience with others as i do now..  I wish you the best of luck in your journey and if you ever need a friend to talk to or just to listen please feel free to private message me and i will get back to you :-)) GOD BLESS YOU and your friends and family and your partner if you have one.. xoxoxoxo!!  :-))

         ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

         ~What To Do When The NEW Wears Off~

Ok, You found what turns you on,you have found the THING that always trips your trigger,you have an Owner,You have done the Bondage thing,the flogging thing,you have progressed up the ladder to new and more DANGEROUS play activities,is there anything else?

Perhaps you are forgetting something! Play as exciting as it is,as fulfilling as it is,is only one facet of a M/s relationship.  One tiny part of the whole.  Is it important? HELL,YES!! it satisfies NEEDS! for both partners.  Can a relationship survive without play? Yes it can but there will in my opinion need to be accomodations made to ensure that the NEEDS of both partners are fulfilled in some manner.

But what is there outside of play?  How about the mental,emotional and spiritual connection,the TRUST and the LOVE that has brought the two of you together?  How about the daily give and take of any relationship in which two indivduals share the same living space?  How about the mere fact of the M/s relationship?.the maintenance of the vision that brought the two of you together in the first place?

After you have visited the candy store,eaten all that you can possibly hold,had all the limits pushed to the 9th degree there is the relationship that still binds the two of you together and it is in maintaining this relationship in which the greatest challenge lives

You are probably asking just what do we do next?  To which i reply,I DO NOT HAVE A CLUE!  Your relationship is whatever you make of it.  I am not a part of it and because of that fact i do not have the answers or ideas how to make it run successfully.  I can tell you in general terms what are positives in relationships and what those are

Love

Honesty

Caring

RESPECT ETC

Pretty basic ideas.  It is in the mix of these things that make each indivdual relationship what it is and they have to be decided by the couple in that relationship.  I can give you some advice or suggestions,but i do not have the answers about how your relationship can keep going in the right direction,only you and your Owner can decide the best way to keep your relationship on the right path,and i wish you the BEST of luck in your journey,  i hope this finds both of you well,happy,healthy and your M/s relationship fulfilling and satisfying for the both of you for many more years to come.  :-))

           ~slave_brenda/Slave_To-Master_John~

                            ~Sometimes~

Sometimes the first time you get beat is easy,you are there because you want to be there

Sometimes the person who is beating you LOVES you,sometimes they dont.  Sometimes you will go on to have a relationship with this person fall in LOVE and sometimes you will pack up your toy bag and go home at the end of the night PROUD that you  survived it,sad that it is over,happy to have finally made a foray into your fantasies

Sometimes,if you are lucky you will fall in LOVE with someone who also wants to beat you,you will talk about it,laugh about it,and anticipate it until the moment happens.  Perfect LOVE,Perfect TRUST, all the pieces will fall into place and you will have an understanding of what it is your desires are

Sometimes,you wont be lucky.  The Master/Mistress will not LOVE you and will only beat you because He/She enjoys it and finds your PAIN amusing entertainment,and you make a good target.  Sometimes the PANIC that sets in  when the last cuffs are attatched and envelops your entire soul and you are are not entirely sure you can with stand even one swipe of a paddle from this person.  You are bound and getting through.  it is a BADGE OF HONOR to wear.  You will wonder in those infinate moments if this is really what you wanted or if it is just a game that your mind is playing on you

Sometimes,you will walk away HURT,Emotionally,physically and spiritualy,Sometimes your TRUST is betrayed on your very first meeting and you will wonder what it was that drew you to this.  You will drive home ANGRY and AFRAID if you can drive home at all and you will cry for days wondering how you could have FUCKED UP!! your life this badly

Sometimes,it is just a BEATING

But sometimes,it is something more and when it is something more and you watch as those pieces fall so nicely into place how you survived so long without it

Sometimes it is just PAIN

But sometimes it is a MIRACLE

      ~slave_brenda/slave_Master_John~

                   ~7 Pillars Of Dominance~

The topic of EXPERIENCE often comes up when discussing BDSM.  Experience is the sum-total of everything we have learned in our given role and everything that we will learn in the future.  I actively entered BDSM 11 years ago,i find myself at the end of my journey because i have found my ONE AND ONLY MASTER.  Do i have experience as a slave? YES! Do i hold strong views? ABSOLUTELY even controversial ones.  Do i have much more to learn? of course we all do.  What i have learned about DOMINANCE can be summed up as follows..

A Master is a ruler,but never a tyrant,but to rule requires understanding and understanding requires knowledge

A Master has PRIDE but never arrogance,but PRIDE  requires dignity and dignity requires HUMILITY

A Master commands RESPECT but never fear,but RESPECT requires serenity

A Master employs STRENGTH but never force,but strength requires a good healthy self-esteem and self-worth

A Master criticizes,but never cruelly and intentionally DEGRADES but criticism requires insight

A Master receives,but never takes,but receiving requires giving

A Master completes,but never tries to alter,but to complete One must be able to see what is there not what is missing and all of these pillars requires HUMILITY

All of these pillars i have listed above is what i have learned about DOMINANCE

          ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

                  ~Why Bondage Is Fun~

There are alot of reasons why bondage is fun for many people including myself.  The knowledge that you are helpless,and your Owner can do things with your body and you cannot prevent it is a POWERFUL Turn-on.  I  AM GOING TO CONTROL AND DOMINANT YOU AND THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT.. Is a very STRONG statement of TRUST to let someone bind you helplessly or even non-helplessly.  How EROTIC to feel yourself spread wide open vulnerable and helpless

 For other  people the simple sensation of bondage feels good.  Tight constriction can create very INTENSE stimulation and alot of tight bondage can be a sensory experience just as a HUMILIATION scene/session (at least for me)  :-))

Bondage can feel comforting,pleasantly confining,you do not need to worry about anything  and what could you do anyway? You are all tied up and all that is left is to enjoy

For yet other people,it is a INTENSE CHARGE to struggle,to let your body lose control,it can really intensify a scene/session,with every muscle straining against your bonds trying to get your hands free.  Your Owner has complete and total control over you and it feels AMAZING! to let Him/Her be in charge of your life literally to TRUST Him/Her that much,to let Your Owner have your very life in His/Her hands and there is nothing you can do about it.

It is EROTIC,EXCITING and makes your heart beat faster.  You know you are SAFE in your Owners care and He/She will NEVER let any harm come to you and if you are blindfolded and gagged as wel it is even more EROTIC and EXCITING!

You know in your bondage that your Owner is so happy with your slavery and obedience that it is the most wonderful feeling a slave could have,you are pleasing your Owner by your complete OBEDIENCE and TRUST in Him/Her and that Ladies And Gentlemen is PRICELESS!

             ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

I was asked if it was possible to miss someone you have never met but have built a relationship with online? The answer is YES! you can,as ironic as that seems and i will explain.

If you have chatted with someone and talked with that person on the phone for a very long period of time,feelings do develop,i am sure you are asking yourself HOW CAN YOU DEVELOP FEELINGS FOR SOMEONE YOU HAVE NEVER MET?? That's very easy.  When you have been talking with someone a long time and i mean longer then 6 months continually you can start to develop feelings for that other person even if it wasn't intentional it happens because the more you talk with someone and get to know them,the more you start to care about them and TRUST! them even if you have NEVER met them before or never will.

Feelings so start to become strong and the antisipation of chatting with them and/or talking with them on the phone is INTENSE! your heart starts to beat faster and your whole body starts to shake because you are so excited that you will be having contact with them.

There is an intense connection with that other person,emotionally,mentally and spiritually even though it is not physical,the feelings are REAL and you can start to LOVE that person and actually fall IN Love with that person without ever seeing them or touching them. If you have a picture of your partner you can start to think of yourselves as a REAL LIFE Couple because it is how you feel about your partner and do not let anyone tell you that you cannot feel this way about someone you have NEVER Met because i am telling you,YOU CAN!!! When you are compatible with a person and you enjoy the same activities as they do a deep romantic Loving relationship will start to develop and just because you cannot be PHYSICALLY INTIMATE with them does not mean you cannot think you are,it is all the mental aspect of an online relationship and your feelings are just as REAL as if your partner was standing right in front of you,and you can start to consider yourselves as a REAL LIFE COUPLE.  I know this is true because i have a good friend of mine who has been in an online/REAL LIFE  relationship going on 15 years and they do consider themselves a REAL LIFE COUPLE even though they have never met,They Love each other very much and RESPECT One Another.

So YES! it is possible to miss someone and NEVER Meet them because you miss the fact you cannot be with them and you want to so badly,you can also refer to it as a LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP! and your feelings are REAL and SINCERE and the LOVE you feel for them is also REAL,DEEP AND SINCERE.  If you are one of these couples who have an online/REAL LIFE/Long Distance relationships let me say i am happy for you and i pray you will both have many many more years of happiness together.  I think that is AWESOME! and i am PROUD of both of you for working so hard to keep your relationship ALIVE and working so well.. KEEP UP TE EXCELLENT JOB!!! and may God send His many blessings down upon you and your Loving partner ALWAYS!  :-))

                ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

         ~Tips For A Successful BDSM Relationship~

HAPPY PEOPLE HAVE NO STORIES

It seems that saying is TRUE in BDSM

Why is it the only stories we hear in BDSM are the sad ones? where things went badly.  It is really DEPRESSING since i often receive success stories from HAPPY COUPLES,These stories are generally sent to me in a private e-mail from people wanting to share their success stories with me.  It usually is a short exchange of e-mails that  will follow when i ask them for clarification on some details to expand my own experience.

In BDSM,EVERY RELATIONSHIP AND EVERY COUPLE ARE DIFFERENT.It is my pleasure to share with all of you here a list of tips i received from couples in a successful relationship.

DISCLAIMER: To protect the privacy of these couples i will not be posting their screen names or real names which they shared with me.. I RESPECT everyones privacy and i always ask permission if i may share what they have sent me with all of you on this site,and most graciously allow me and in return i promise not to use their screen name or real name unless they state other wise.  PRIVACY is very important to me and i want every body who sends me information,stories,problems ETC to know they can TRUST me and my word, but i will THANK Them very much for allowing me to share these tips here.. I really appreciate it and i THANK YOU VERY MUCH! God Bless You and always stay SAFE,HAPPY AND HEALTHY.. So without further ado here are some tips for a successful relationship,sent to me by loving happy couples :-))

                                  ~HONESTY~

Many of the people describe their relationship as one where nothing is hidden between them,their past and present are revealed to each other.. In a BDSM relationship to reveal all of your secrets is easy because it builds TRUST between the couple,yet many think they can deceive their partner by telling them half truths and then expect their partner to believe it and not find out.  If you want a healthy,happy successful relationship then your complete honesty is vital to that success and don't try to hide anything from your partner,be open and honest about any and all issues and information and your partner should do the same in return

                                 ~RESPECT~

You could be giving your slave a golden shower and all the while holding him/her in the greatest RESPECT for it.  Relationships where the Master/Mistress really believes that the slave is just a piece of CRAP with no REAL value and to make certain he/she knows that is a relationship that will ultimately end in failure.  There is a limit to the HUMILIATION you can give to your slave and if your slave really starts to believe they are a PIECE OF CRAP WITH NO REAL HUMAN VALUE,You run the risk of HUGE mental problems resulting.  The people in a successful M/s relationship always keeps in mind this RESPECT for their slave and makes the slave feel like he/she is a PRIZED CHERISHED POSSESSION

                     ~BEING STRICT BUT FAIR~

Life will bring situations where the M/s relationship will be a factor in the life decision of the Owner and H/She will always make the best FAIR decisions for the good of themselves as a couple and the relationship.  For example: In a high protocol STRICT M/s relationship where corporal punishment is used is always administered fairly and the Owner will explain why and how the punishment is being administered.  The Owner does not over punish or under punish.  The punishment that is administered always fits the infraction in a FAIR AND STRICT MANNER

                            ~CLEAR RULES~

One of the biggest reasons BDSM relationships EXPLODE (And VANILLA relationships as well) is the non-respect of negotiated rules.  Things change in a M/s relationship and rules and limits will always be pushed through negotiations.  Yet,these changes must be agreed upon and understood by the couple.  Very few survive a relationship where the negotiated rules are not RESPECTED! so it is very important that the Owner RESPECTS any/all pre-negotiated rules and limits for the relationship to continue in the right direction without failure

                             ~LOVE~

I know i am old fashioned but if a relationship has no LOVE it will fail and when that happens the couple walks away broken hearted and disappointed that the relationship they worked so hard to get and keep has suddenly ended in a very bad way,so remember lades and gentlemen make sure there is LOVE in your relationship and RESPECT for one another and TRUST! so you will have a successful,happy,healthy relationship

Very often Men and Women will go to public BDSM events to find a new partner for a permanent relationship and when they actually find a partner they often disappear quietly from the public scene.  This is the reason i say that HAPPY PEOPLE HAVE NO STORIES,But in reality they do have a story,but no one is interested in hearing a story where everything goes from good to better.  In truth,these happy stories are boring to alot of people and no one is really interested in them

And yet these are the stories i LOVE to hear.  I am very lucky to receive alot of so called BORING AND UNINTERESTING stories about GOOD SOLID and HAPPY BDSM Relationships and to me they are not BORING and uninteresting,i think they are WONDERFUL to read :-))

THANK YOU ALL AGAIN who sent me their BEAUTIFUL success stories, I think you are AMAZING! :-)) xoxoxo!

             ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

         ~Verbal And Non-Verbal Communication~

                          ~Non-Verbal Communication~

Non-Verbal Communication is talking without using your mouth,everybody does it especially children.  Children talk using their body for when they are very young and are not able to express themselves well enough verbally.  During your life,talking becomes the best way to express yourself.  You are trained to talk and therefore it is no longer a need to listen to the language of your body.  However,your body keeps on talking no matter what and this language of your body is a perfect  way to communicate with your partner during a scene/session without giving Him/Her a chance to interfere.  I communicate with Master through my body language and Master is constantly talking to me using His body language instead of His mouth.  We made rules about the games we play and as long as  i do not break those rules with Master during our scene/session there are no problems. I look at Master during a scene/session to see His reaction and that may differ from one day to the next.  I look at His body,His shoulders,His muscles,His Handsome face,His breathing,His beautiful Hands ETC

Those are a few of the signals a body gives to whoever it may see.  I am glad to use signals during a scene/sessions,in that way i can read Master,i react on His signals.  It is Manipulating in a way, a scene/session will stay exciting rather than boring or too PAINFUL,so Master has also something to say during a scene/session.  He tells me what to do and what not to do,how excited He is ETC But in a different way.  We play an interactive game,it is not just one way,no matter how it may seem from the outside.  Master is responding to the things i am doing,I am responding to the signals His body gives in return

                     ~Verbal Communication~

I do not talk much during a scene/session,sometimes i will answer a command,a question but no full conversations.  Talking is something we did before we started to play.  It gives us alot of TRUST in each other,telling each other what we really wanted,what we dreamed about,what turned us on ETC  We tell things to each other that we NEVER share with anyone else.  It Probably is not that special to anyone else but for us it was and still is the only way to build a foundation strong enough to build a deep TRUSTING,HONEST relationship with each other. We depend on each other whether we are playing or not,but more specific during a scene/session.  Master and i just cannot give ourselves without trusting the other person

Talking with each other is what keeps our relationship open and strong.it means we have no secrets between us.  We share everythnig,any issue not mentioned yet are no secrets,they are only not told yet.  It is not only the conversations we have it is RESPECTING each other the way we are not forcing ourseves into someone we think the other will appreciate more

So talking is important.  There are no other ways to show your partner what you like or dislike to tell your limits.  It is not easy to talk about your feelings,making them clear to someone else is even harder,but it will not help you to keep your mouth shut.  Every person is different,everyone has their own limits and it evens differ from day to day.  Things you do not like or think you do not like right now maybe more then welcomed next week.

Communication is necessary,no matter how long you have known each other,it may keep you from heavy problems.  It gives you the opportunity to ride the lane together in the same direction

               ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

                        ~40 Red Flags~

The following are WARNINGS that a potential Dominant/Master may not be all that you think They are.  PLEASE BE CAREFUL if the potential Dom/Master...

1) Tries to seperate you from family,friends or the BDSM community

2) Avoids talking about personal details when you have already given yours,becomes ANGRY when you ask or quickly ends the conversation or answers questions with questions

3) Has no BDSM references or friends you can talk to

4) Becomes ANGRY when you ask for references or ask around about them

5) Is inconsistent with details about themselves

6) Does not give you their home or work phone number at the appropriate time

7)Only communicates with you at strange hours and becomes ANGRY if you try to contact them at other times

8) Criticizes the BDSM Community and refuses to participate especially if they were NEVER part of it in the first place

9) Consistently breaks promises

10) Always finds excuses for not meeting REAL TIME

11) Always puts blame on others for things going wrong,never takes personal responsibility for their own actions and behaviors

12) Does not understand the concept of SAFE SANE AND CONSENSUAL when you ask them

13) Has bad relationships with most or all of their family members

14) Pressures you into doing things you do not want to do

15)Does not RESPECT your limits,negotiations OR CONTRACTS

16) Pushes you into a BDSM relationship too fast

17) Swears undying LOVE before even meeting you

18) Hides behind their authority and says that their Authority should ot be questioned

19) Tries to make you feel GUILTY for not being good enough,says YOU ARE NOT A TRUE SUB/SLAVE

20) Loses control of their emotions in arguments and egresses to YELLING,NAME CALLING AND BLAME

21) Puts you down in front of other people

22) Turns instantly on their friends,going from BEST FRIEND to ARCH ENEMY in a matter of minutes for no appaent reason

23) Treats you loveingly and respectfully one day and then harshly and accusing the next

24) NEVER says THANK YOU,EXCUSE ME or I AM SORRY to ANYONE

25) Lies or with holds information,cheats on you or is overly JEALOUS

26) Will not discuss what your possible relationship will be like

27) Tries to keep you in the dark about what might happen next in the relationship

28) Does not RESPECT your rights,limits or opinions

29) Belittles your ideas

30) Blames you for your hurt feelings

31) ABUSES alcohol or other drugs

32) Is constantly asking for large amounts of money from you all the time and does not give you a explanation when asked where your money is being spent

33) Threatens sucide or other forms of self-harm

34) Deliberately saying or doing things that result getting themselves seriously hurt

35) Wants control of your money or finances and you are not living together

36) ONLY interacts with you in a KINKY or SEXUAL manner as if role playing

37) Will not have normal daily VANILLA conversations with you.refuses to discuss any issue that does not pertain to BDSM

38) NEVER shows you their HUMAN SIDE is emotionless,hides their vulnerability behind their DOMINANT or MASTER roles

39)Has multiple online identities for interacting within the same BDSM communities

40) Disappears from conversation for days or weeks at a time without explanation

              slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~ 

                       ~Perfecting Dedication~

Master has pledged Himself to the task of training me,THAT takes DEDICATION.  I have pledged myself to be the slave Master desires and deserves,THAT takes DEDICATION.

Being a 24/7 fulltime consensual slave is hard work.  To be successful you have to be willing to make your relationship in the forefront every hour of every day.  This takes ENORMOUS dedication.  No One is perfect,i know i am not,Master is not perfect,but our M/s relationship means perfecting the dedication to each other and the lifestyle and my slavery to Him means LOVE.  Everything i am,everything i do pertains to Him.  My duty as His slave is to serve Master anytime,anywhere no matter what the circumstances may be,if Master wants something done i say YES MASTER and happily accomplish whatever Master desires me to do without question or hesitation in a timely accurate manner.

However,Master allows me to have my own opinions and points of view,He listens attentively to any problems,concerns,or issues i may have,and does everything in His power to help me figure the problem out and solve it. Master expects me to use my own better judgement when He is not around and make good intelligent decidions on my own.. I do not expect Master to help me with every little problem i may have,i am a big girl of 48 years old and can figure out issues on my own if Master is not present.

Master would not appreciate if i called Him at His office every hour with some small minute issue that i can work out and solve on my own. I am a SLAVE who has a brain and knows how to use it.. I may have given my life to Master,and have willingly given up any/all control of my life to Him but there are times when i need to use my brain and figure out issues on my own,if it is a MAJOR problem or issue that no matter what i do cannot figure out then i call Master if He is at His office,explain the situation to Him and usually He will tell me when He arrives Home we will sit and discuss it and figure it out together,just like a GOOD Master should.

Master also RESPECTS my limits.  I am honest about having limits HARD AND SOFT that i have listed here in a previous journal entry..Just because i do have limits does not make me a SUBMISSIVE i am a SLAVE 100 percent,and many slave have limits and should have limits for their own SAFETY! it is all about SAFETY FIRST! I take this lifestyle and my slavery very seriously,this is not a game to me or some parttime fantasy.  I live for Master.i live as a slave 24/7/365 It is what i do and what i am and what Master wants and desires of me and we would not want it any other way. :-))

                 ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

                ~9 Degrees Of Submission~

To help sort out the confusion caused by differing uses of the words SUBMISSIVE and SLAVE,I have made the following list of 9 Degrees Of Submission arranged in order from the SUBMISSIVE right up to the SLAVE

1) THE OUT RIGHT NON--SUBMISSIVE MASOCHIST OR KINKY SENSUALIST

He/She is not into servitude,humiliation or giving up control.  Just PAIN and/or speed up sensuality on the masochists own terms,and for the masochist direct pleasure (I.E. being turned on solely or mainly by ones own bodily sensations rather than being turned on by being USED to gratify ones partners sadism

2) PSEUDO-SUBMISSIVE,NON-SLAVE

He/she is not into even playing SLAVE but into other submissive role playing (I.G. School Teacher/Student SCENES/SESSIONS,INFANTISM,forced TRANVESTISM) Ususally into HUMILIATION,but not into servitude.  Even play dictates the scene/session to a large degree

3) PSEUDO-SUBMISSIVE,PLAY SLAVE

He/she likes to play being a slave,and likes to feel subservient,may in some cases like to FEEL that he/she is being USED to gratify their partners sadism and may even really serve the Dom/Master Domme/Mistress in some ways,but only on the slaves own terms.  He/she dictates the scene/session to a large degree.  Often fetishistic (E.G.FOOT WORSHIPPERS)

4) TRUE SUBMISSIVE,NON-SLAVE

He/She really gives up control (although only temporarily and within agreed upon limits)  But gets his/her main satisfaction from aspects of submission OTHER THAN serving or being used by the Dom/Master  Domme/Mistress.  He/She is usually turned on by suspense,vulnerability and/or giving up responsibility,does not dictate the scene/session except in very general terms,but still seeks mainly his/her own DIRECT pleasure (rather than getting his/her pleasure mainly from pleasing the Dom/Master  Domme/Mistress)

5) TRUE SUBMISSIVE PLAY SLAVE

He/she really gives up control (although only temporarily and/or only during brief scenes/sessions within limits) and gets his/her main satisfaction from serving and being used but only for FUN purposes usually erotic (may or may not be into PAIN but if so is turned on by pain INDIRECTLY (I.E. enjoys being the object of his/her partners sadism on which the submissive places very few requirements or restrictions)

6) UNCOMMITTED SHORT TERM PLAY SEMI-SLAVE

He/she really gives up control (although usually within limits)  wants to serve and be used by the Master or Mistress and wants to provide PRACTICAL NON-EROTIC as well as FUN/EROTIC services,but only when the slave is in the mood.. he/she may even act as a fulltime slave for say several days at a time,but is free to quit at any time (or at the end of the agreed-upon several days)  He/she may or may not have a long-term relationship with his/her Master/Mistress but either way the slave has the final say WHEN he/she will serve

7) PART-TIME CONSENSUAL,BUT REAL LIFE SLAVE

He/She has an ongoing commitment to a M/s relationship and regards His/Herself as the PROPERTY of the Master/Mistress at all times.  He/She wants to OBEY and please in all aspects of life in PRACTICAL AND NON-EROTIC as well as FUN/EROTIC ways..He/She devotes most of their time to other committments (E.G. Job,Family) but the Master/Mistress has first pick of the slaves free time

8) FULL TIME LIVE IN CONSENSUAL SLAVE

 He/She within no more than a few broad limits/requirements regards His/Herself as existing solely for the satisfaction and pleasure of the Master/Mistress well being.  The slave in return is to be treated as a PRIZED POSSESSION,not much different from the traditional VANILLA housewifr except that within the BDSM World the slaves position os more likely to be fully consensual,especially if the slave is male. (Since men certainly are not socially pressured into this kind of lifestyle) Within the BDSM world,a fulltime slave arrangement is entered into with an EXPLICIT awareness of the magnitude of POWER that is being given up and hense is usually entered into a M/s relationship with much more awareness of the possible dangers and with much more specific agreements that usually precedes the tradional marriage. (I fall into this category)

9) CONSENSUAL TOTAL SLAVE WITH NO LIMITS

A Common fantasy ideal which probably does exist but in very RARE occasions.  Very few slaves i know and have talked with on/offline line have said they do have a few limits but there are a chosen few who have ABSOLUTELY NO LIMITS (In my opinion is very DANGEROUS and unsafe and very UNREALISTIC)  The no-limit slave is at a much higher risk of accidents,injury or in worse case situations DEATH.  Every slave should have a few limits for their own safety and well beiing and just because YOU DO HAVE LIMITS does not make you LESS OF A SLAVE just a SMART,SAFE SLAVE

The above list is not intended as a rigid classification,most subs/slaves do not neatly into one of my categories,there are still further shades of differences.  (For example a live in fulltime slave with an outside paying job would be 7 and 1/2) also the same submissive/slave may attain diifferent degrees of submission and obedience with a Dom/Master  Domme/Mistress.

My list is simply to show the wide range of different different possible meanings of the words SUBMISSIVE AND SLAVE

              slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~    

                       ~Masters Collar Means~

On a purely selfish level,wearing Masters collar means having found happiness,the days,weeks and months of searching for the ONE who could tame,train,tease and mold are OVER.  Every slave i know wants to feel owned,to be the property of their One TRUE Master or Mistress.  For me the CLICK of the collar was FREEDOM! Freedom to be who i am and have the peace of mind that i will be changed for the better by ONE who knows me better than i know myself

                         ~Finding Happiness~

Although i was EXTREMELY  happy when Master decided to make me His this happiness came with hard work.  I have a responsibility to conduct myself in a manner which will bring my Master HONOR and PRIDE.  I have a responsibility to remember who and what i am at all times and act accordingly.  I have a responsibility to put Masters comfort before my own

                    ~Remembering Responsibility~

I Need to remember my responsibilities as a SLAVE 24/7/365 and i cannot falter from my responsibilities,and also expecting accountability.  With all these responsibilities comes accountability.  Master has a right to expect,to DEMAND these things and more of me as His slave,and i should expect that when His expectations are not met there will be consequences of my actions,but Master also has a responsibility here to me as His slave.  You can think of it in 2 ways,I expect Masters PUNISHMENT and i expect Masters FORGIVENESS for my infractions.  A Master plays with and may train slaves as they wish for their enjoyment.  A Master takes on the responsibility of training His slave to His satisfaction and specifications,so Masters collar to me means to hold me accountable for my behavior and actions at all times,no matter what the circumstances may be

                            ~Knowing Protection~

Along with knowing that Master will mold me in His image of a SLAVE i also know that as long as i am Owned by Him no harm will come to me,and He will do everything in His POWER to prevent Harm from occuring to me.  I can relax knowing that Master will protect my physical,emotional and mental wellbeing.  He will not allow anyone to DISRESPECT me,humiliate or abuse me in any way.  To show DISRESPECT toward me is showing DISRESPECT to Master,something He will NEVER tolerate nor accept from ANYONE.  I can be comfortable knowing that Master will not take me beyond what i can handle.  YES! He will and does push my limits and pushs away my fears and insecurities (that i still sometimes have) but i have complete faith that no HARM will come to me under His care.

                      ~Learning Patience~

This is a BIG ONE for me.  Masters collar means that things do not always happen when i want them to,such as playing,training,talking,eating,sleeping ETC  These things are all contingent on Masters schedule for me.  Sometimes i forget this but we are working on it

                    ~Practicing Perfection~

Masters collar to me means perfecting what i can for Him.  The next step is for me to PERFECT my service to Him on all levels  All the myraid of things i do for Him i yearn to PERFECT.  He may be satisfied with a completed task,but i still yearn to do things better even after 11 years of LOYAL and FAITHFUL service.

               ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

I Was Just Messaged by a up and coming slave who is beginning an M/s relationship with Her Master and she read my article i posted yesterday about head games/mind fucking and she was very interested in trying it and wanted to know if she should politely ask her Master if He would be willing to do this type of Play.

Before i post my answer i want to congratulate her and her Master and i hope you both find happiness and fulfillment in your M/s relationship and you both live a long happy life together..Enjoy your journey into the the wonderful world of BDSM and a Master/slave relationship.God Bless you both and may He send His many blessing down upon you and Your Master and please extend my congratulations and RESPECT along to Him :-))

To answer your question honey, First of all you need to find out from your Master if He has any experience and knowledge about HEADGAMES/MINDFUCKING/MANIPULATION. This type of play honey can be very very intense as i stated yesterday and you know the type of side effects i experience,but it does not mean you will experience the same. This type of play gets deep into your mind especially when emotional and mental manipulation is involved.  If you are not ready for this type of play or your Master has no experience with this type  of intense play,then He can damage you emotionally and mentally.

This type of play when it involves your emotions and feelings and mind set is very sensitive and should only be done if you are ready for what your Master will do and say and if He has experience with this type of play. This type of play is for a slave with a very STRONG self worth and a good self esteem,if you do not have either of those then you should not participate in any head games/mindfucking or mental and emotional manipulation.  It is for the experienced slave and Master/Mistress ONLY!

If your Master has had experience and knows what to say and how to say it and knows how to bring you back emotionally and mentally then by all means YES! ask Him,but honey are you  ready for what might be said to you? Before you consider this type of mind play do some research on HEAD GAMES/MIND FUCKING! takes notes and discuss them with your Master. DO NOT! jump into this type of play if you are not emotionally and mentally STRONG and STABLE to handle it..  I would hate to find out you have been damaged emotionally and/or mentally by this type of play.

My advice to you sweetheart first and fore most is sit down with your new Master and discuss this before trying it and if your Master does not have any experience in head games/mind fucking/or emotional and mental manipulation DO NOT DO IT! until you both have gained knowledge and think you both and do this SAFELY and you can handle it..

you take care of yourself honey,and do me a favor PLEASE get back to me on this let me know what your Master said ok? remember honey BDSM is all about SAFE,SANE AND CONSENSUAL :-)) {{{{{{{{HUGS YOU}}}}}}}}}

        ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

                  ~Dont Be A Shelf Sitter~

There is a problem that is more common within online submission and slavery.  It is sad that it is occuring,but perhaps i can  shed some light into what it is and some of the causes.

SHELF SITTING is a very REAL problem for many and it is hurtful to those it occurs to

                     ~What Is Shelf Sitting?~

I think that is where i should start so that other REAL LIFE and ONLINE subs/slaves can recognize this phenomenon.  I personally have seen this happen more within the online communities,but it can also happen within a REAL LIFE sub/slave.  Shelf Sitting is when you are expected to turn off being a sub/slave and only be the sub/slave when the Dom/Master ask for it

Many subs/slaves have referred to it as BEING A DOLL that literally sits upon a shelf and is only taken down when something is being asked of them.  For many this creates confusion in their self-identity.  It can make them feel as their self worth and contributions to the relationship mean less than they are.  The sub/slave will feel neglected and will do things simply to attract attention to their Dom/Master

           ~Why Do People Shelf Sit?~

That is even harder to explain with any certainty but i think i can shed some light upon it from the perspective of a victim of this.  I think that sometimes the other person in the equation gets so wrapped in their daily lives they forget the other persons needs and wants.  Communication between the two parties hits a snag that ultimately creates this situation where the sub/slave feels like they are literally sitting on a shelf

A Sub/slave really does not have the ability to turn off being what they are,it is up to the sub/slave to keep the lines of communication open and to be subtle to clue in the Dom/Master into what is occuring.  Sometimes the other party appears to be clueless that they are doing this,but it is indeed something that happens,it is sad because this does not have to be.

Things that a sub/slave can do to help themselves in these situations

COMMUNICATE your thoughts and feelings directly to the Dom/Master through E-mail,Journal,Instant Message or even a phone call.  I do not suggest a text message because it is too limiting

CREATE a list of what you feel is going on in the relationship and present it in a NON-HOSTILE way

TALK often about the direction the relationship is going in,remember that this is a time to stay calm and actively participate in the conversation.  No relationship is one sided

TALK to other subs/slaves about what is going on,sometimes they might have a suggestion to try to re-open the lines of communication  you had not thought of

WRITE in your journal daily so that both parties can see what is going on in the relationship.  Journals are not just about feelings,they should include what is going on in the relationship

KEEP IN MIND that sometimes the other party may just not see what you are seeing,that is the time to evaluate if the relationship is really one that is compatible and if it is truly what both want

THE MOST IMPORTANT THING in all of this is not to point fingers.  We are all human,we make mistakes sometimes due to our lives and we need to be clued in to what is going on around us

I KNOW IT IS HARD when  you are feeling like the other does not understand you and is not seeing what you are.  You are not alone though you do have someone you can turn to,i think this is why it is so imperative to be a part of a community be it VIRTUAL or REAL LIFE

In closing,keep in mind that without open lines of communication,no relationship can with stand the tests daily life can put on upon it.  It is the key and crucial to both parties,be open to talking if one is not then it really is time to evaluate where things are and perhaps say GOOD-BYE to the relationship.  Keep your head held high because you are worthy and your submission and slavery is givin to those you deem worthy of it.

          ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

My favorite BDSM Play is Manipulation,Verbal Humiliation,Mind Games/Mind Fucking..  I enjoy the physical play aspect but what really turns me on is the emotional and Mental control,It is very INTENSE and affects me more then any physical play could.. The emotional and mental manipulation and verbal humiliation gets all the way down to my soul and the affects from that kind of intense play stays with me for days sometimes weeks.  After Master and  i are finished with that type of scene/session,i have so many emotions all at once,i am happy,sad,anxious,tired,i laugh at times and then cry.. It really affects me more then our physical play,and i have mood swings for days or weeks after.

Master is very very good with me.  He knows how intense this play can be and i TRUST Him with my life and with my heart,mind,body and soul i feel safe with Master and i know He has the experience and knowledge so i do not worry about anything.. He helps me through this difficult time,but if i did not feel this way i know the play did not do what it was suppose to do and that is totally leave me vulnerable to Master..

The days and weeks following this intense play my emotions and feelings run rampid and Master knows how to handle me and my mood swings and my unstable mental and emotional state of mind and body.. This typs of play also affects Master as well,but He knows how to control His mood swings and handles it better then i do,but He has over 40 years of experience and knowledge so He has plenty of practice and keeps Himself under control,but i cannot do that and when i am in this fragile vulnerable unstable state of mind and body i depend on Master to get my feelings and emotions back into perspective again.

It is not easy for Him to do because of how moody i am but He is Kind,compassionate,and has empathy for me and knows this is how i am after INTENSE HEAVY emotional and mental play..When i am in this state,I have no duties or tasks to perform until i can get my head back on stright and my emotions and feelings stable again..  In time i start to feel like myself again and can function normally.. We do not play this way all the time maybe twice a month because of the side effects from it,For me it's draining and very very personal  because of what Master says to me and does to me,but i CRAVE this mental and emotional play.I love the manipulation and head games.  Master is the only one that could ever take me this far and has the experience and knowledge to bring me back,

I would NEVER TRUST any other Master to conduct this type of INTENE play with me.Master_John is the only One.  He knows me better then i know myself and i love him more then i could Love and TRUST any other Man/Master.  I Know i found my MR.RIGHT and the MASTER of my dreams and i never want to wake up  :-))

            slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

I am often asked if Master allows me any free time to myself or does He always dictate everything i do.. This is a very good question,i was hoping someone would ask me this :-))

Master does give me what we call as A FREE DAY and simply it is 1 day out of the week when i can do whatever i want to go where ever i want to without asking Him PERMISSION!!, Master always chooses the day,mostly it is 1 weekend day either saturday or sunday but He has given me a FREE DAY during the week,and also on my FREE DAY i have no daily tasks/chores to do.it is completely my day to do whatever i want.  I usually hang out with my best friend Linda who is also in the lifestyle but is a Mistress who owns 2 slaves of her own. 1 male,1 female. 

Master gives me money to spend,the only stipulation is that i call Him and let Him know when i will be arriving home other then that i can come and go as i please without asking His permission.  This priviledge was EARNED over the years,Master did not just assign a FREE DAY to me,i had to work hard and earn it,and if i am punished for any infraction He can and does take my FREE DAY away from me,depending on the infraction it could be for a week,2 week a month and when He takes it away i have to work twice as hard to earn it back,and He does not make it easy for me.  This is a priviledge He does not hand out like candy.  His other slave that He owns and sees  on a regular basis for HEAVY S/M play also has to earn this priviledge,however that M/s relationship is Part time so it is more difficult for her to earn her FREE DAY,but she works just as hard as i do to earn it and keep it,and that ladies and gentlemen is no easy task.

It took me about a year to earn my FREE DAY and in that year i was challenged in many ways physically,emotionally and mentally.  Master made me work so hard that by the end of the week i was totally EXHAUSTED and drained,but i passed His tests and He was very PROUD of me because i never complained,bitched or whined because i was to tired nor the fact i really did not feel like completely a certain task,i just did it keeping in the back of my mind that a FREE DAY to me as a slave was well worth the STRESS i had to go through.

Now 11 years later,it is much harder for me,and i have more physical health issues that prevent me from completeing tasks i once was able to do,so Master compensates and modifies His tasks so i will be able to complete them in a timely accurate manner and still be challenged Physically,emotionally and mentally.. I enjoy these challenges because it proves to Master how much i am determined and devoted to completeing what ever tasks He gives me.

He is not easy on me when i have to earn my FREE DAY back and sometimes even today it sometimes can take up to 3 months before i am allowed my FREE DAY again,depending on the infraction,but Master is always fair when He administers His Punishments and never extends my punishment without a good reason for doing so.

I may be restricted from doing some physical tasks but what i caanot do physically i make it up emotionally and mentally and to me the emotional and mental tasks are much more difficult because Master is very very good a MANIPULATION and He is AWESOME at head games/mind fucking,so when i am challenged emotionally and mentally to earn back my FREE DAY i have a much harder time doing so but in the end it pays off for both Master and myself and i am proud of the fact i worked hard to accomplish the almost impossible :-))

             slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

  ~What Is Healthy And Unhealthy Communication~

                    ~Healthy Communication~

RESPECT your partner,show empathy

Give your partner the benefit of the doubt

Make communication time a priority,listen actively

Maintain eye contact as much as possible,Allow your sub/slave to look into your eyes while you are communicating with him/her

Maintain a clear perspective of the past,present and future

Be HONEST and dont ASSUME  anything,when in doubt ask for more information

Take a TIME OUT if things get too intense,but always agree to come back and tallk about your feelings

Refrain from blaming or shaming

Use I statements,I FEEL,I HEAR, I SEE,using the word YOU is pointing the finger and will usually result in DEFENSIVE RESPONSES

                  ~UnHealthy Commincation~

Shows resentment,is flexible

Withdrawls,Both emotionally and physically,blames your partner

Exculates discussions into arguments,evades important issues

Is DISHONEST

Does not communicate,talks AT not TO

ASSUMES your partner knnows your desires,thoughts and needs and is ANGRY when they get it wrong

Spends more time interrupting rather than listening.

Open,Honest communication is VITAL to a healthy,successful D/s and M/s relationship.  It is very important to talk with your partner and also listen to what he/she has to say and not be judge-mental or criticize your partner because if your partner has something to discusss it is important to him/her and expects you to listen attentively and respond in a caring,and thoughtful manner.. What ever the issue or problem is no matter how unimportant or minute YOU might think it is,it is SERIOUS and upsetting to your partner.  Show your partner you care enough about them and their problems to listen and help them as much as possible and console them if necessary.  Your partner will RESPECT you alot more if you are genuine and sincere about their issues and problems.

              ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

Why is it when someone can constructively criticise me i accept it and maybe learn from it but when i give someone the same they become OFFENDED! Hmmmm! how ironic that is..  I RESPECT everybody's opinion and points of view and i NEVER become ANGRY when someone has a differnt opinion then i do.  I don't expect everyone to agree with me because we are all different,i do expect different opinions and points of view on the topics i post,i enjoy hearing from other people and what they think and feel.

If everyone agreed with me on everything single topic or anything else i post all the time then what i post would be meaningless and of no value because everyone would say to me  YES BRENDA I AGREE WITH 100 PERCENT i don't want to hear that,i want people to make up their own minds not be a ROBOT and just agree with me,it is what makes us all special and unique,our own opinions and points of view..

However,if someone cannot accept constructive critism from others then they should not voice theirs.  If you cannot accept critism then you have no right to voice yours..I can both take it and give it in a RESPECTFUL kind matter..

I will say this as politely as i can to everyone who reads this,if you message me with some constructive critism and i return the favor Don't get ANGRY with me for doing the same thing you did TO me,although i do value,appreciate and RESPECT what you tell me,Don't get ANGRY and start being RUDE to me when i give you some good constructive critism in return..This is all i am trying to say and PLEASE! do not take any offense by it because i dont. :-))

Thank you all for reading my journal posts who  ever you may be and i want to hear from you and what you think and feel.  Take care everyone and GOD BLESS ;-))

           slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

        ~Single In BDSM (Boundaries)~

Recently,i was contemplating the situation of being single in BDSM because of an e-mail i received from someone concerning interacting with Male Dominants.  Esentially she responded to the sexual whims of the Men she met online from the space of not having boundaries set.  Part of her  inquiry to me was why does she do this? i could not answer that of course,but it did inspire me to consider the topic of being single in BDSM

When we first come to the community,it is like entering an amusement park.  There are so many wonderful avenues to explore and adventure to be experienced.  We want to take it all in,often times caution is thrown to the wind (A BIG NO,NO) and we are flying free without a parachute.

We hear so many views on how a bottom/sub/slave should be.  For example you may hear WELL IF YOU REALLY ARE A BOTTOM/SUB/SLAVE THEN YOU WILL DO WHAT I TELL YOU TO DO,Or REAL SLAVES HAVE NO LIMITS,Of course the list goes on and on.  It really is not always easy being single in our little corner of the world

My experience is just that MINE!  I ran into my fair share of difficulties as a single Woman in BDSM (Until i met Master) However,as time went by as i was still searching for a Master things became better.  By setting our boundaries we can ensure that we are navigating the lifestyle waters as safely as possible.  This is a personal responsibility that each of us have that is at its core about SELF PRESERVATION.  If you are unsure about playing in private say so! If you truly are not comfortable with catching the greyhound to meet someone 500 miles away from your home in some random hotel/motel room or in their residence then that is probably not going to be a great experience for you.

If you do not desire to play with or serve someone that is married do yourself a favor and maintain that boundary.  YES! these examples are more EXTREME but even some of those subtle more flexible boundaries should be maintained until you are ready to change them

So,what makes some of us disregard boundaries that help to maintain our safety?   Well there may be many reasons,but one i would like to speak about now is FEAR!  When i ignored my limits as a single Woman and left myself exposed to unneccessary dangers (whether physically,mentally or emotionally} usually it was fear related.  OH,I DON'T WANT ANYONE TO SPEAK BADLY OF ME!  I DON'T WANT PEOPLE TO THINK THIS IS A GAME FOR ME ETC.

We all fear many things but i think once we come to the lifestyle,i believe many if not most novice bottoms/subs/slaves fear being alone.  Better yet, they fear being seen as not SUBMISSIVE or being a SLAVE or BOTTOM to be accepted.  In some way in the minds of too many BEING TAKEN is a vlidation of ones SLAVE HEART or SUBMISSIVE NATURE. GOD FORBID! you are single too long,something must be wrong with you!!

In my mind being single is a PERSONAL CHOICE that provides a person the space to assess themselves and desires objectively and subjectively.  As a result,they are very confident in enforcing their boundaries,expressing their needs and having the right to say GOOD-BYE! if necessary.  It is a process,but you have to challenge your fears along the way in order to arrive at this point.  When you look back 5 years or it could even be a month from now,you will be grateful that you stood your ground with a certain Dominant/Master Domme/Mistress and did not meet up in some secluded no-name hotel/motel by the road side.  Your worth and safety far out-weighs such nonsense.

              ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

It amazes me how some people think that a slave enjoys being HUMILIATED by every Master/Mistress that happens to be present.  I am sorry to inform you  that we DO NOT!.. If we are Owned and collared we enjoy being HUMILIATED by our Owners ONLY! not by every Master/Mistress who we come into contact with..

We have built a relationship with our Owner and TRUST! and we know them and how to react to them,and when a slave is HUMILIATED by his/her Owner it is erotic,exciting,and very very intense,but when some strange Master/Mistress ASSUMES that slaves enjoy HUMILIATION by every Master/Mistress they become disappointed quickly.. When Other Masters/Mistresses HUMILIATE slaves they do not own it is not exciting,erotic and intense it's DISRESEPCTFUL to the slave and their Owner.

The Owner of the slave is the only One who has that right and authority to HUMILIATE the slave.. If i am humiliated by any other Master it offends me and i do not appreciate it nor do i enjoy it.. It's not the same it doesn't feel right when other Master/Mistress HUMILIATES a slave,it's different in context and it's RUDE!.  In my opinion the only time a STRANGE Master/Mistress has the right to HUMILIATE a Owned and Collared slave is when He/She receives EXPLICIT Permission from the slaves Owner to do so,but not until.

They are crossing boundaries andf lines that should NEVER be crossed,and it also makes the Owner of the slave they are HUMILIATING very ANGRY!.

My advice to Masters/Mistresses before you decide to ASSUME a slave enjoys HUMILIATION of any kind make sure number 1 he/she is not owned and collared and number 2 if you do find out they are get permission from their Owner first before attempting to HUMILIATE a slave.  Its common courtesy and RESPECT! for the slave and his/her Owner.

On the other hand if a slave is unowned and not collared make sure you get their consent before HUMILIATING them either in public or private,don't take it upon yourself just to think HE/SHE IS A SLAVE AND LOVES TO BE HUMILIATED! because that is not true.. You may run into a chosen few who enjoy being HUMILIATED by any Master/Mistress but not to many.. NEVER ASSUME! anything. ask questions and get permission before you act, it's the right thing to do.

              ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

                              ~The Master's Creed~

I want to dedicate this to ALL Masters Young and Mature.  This is what a TRUE Master is all about.So without further a do here is the Master's Creed..

Above all else A Master cherishes His slave in the knowledge that her slavery is the greatest Love of all

He is DEMANDING and takes advantage of the POWER freely given to Him,but knows how to share the pleasure that come's from His slave

A Master is in control of Himself first and foremost so that He may control His slave as a stern and DEMANDING Master,He can cause His slave to cry real tears as the consummate lover He will then Kiss the tears away without ever stepping out of charactor

In times of trouble,a Master will leave the role behind and be a supportive friend and partner,never forgetting that this is still a LOVING M/s relationship between two caring,consensual individuals.  He is quick to understand the difference between FANTASY and REALITY.  He would NEVER ask His slave to put Him before Her career or family just to satisfy His own pleasure

To win His slaves mind,body and soul He knows He must first win her TRUST.  He will show His slave humor,strength and RESPECT.  He must also show her that His guidance and tutoring is knowledgeable and He is a Master she can learn from and TRUST His direction

He is old fashioned enough to be a bit of a chavinist yet modern enough to RESPECT His slave.  Quick to point out the differences between them.  He also knows there is no inferiority in those differences

When it comes time to train His slave and teach her lessons of OBEDIENCE,He is STRONG and unyielding professor,He will accept no flaw,nothing less than perfection from His student.  Never does He use DISCIPLINE without good reason and when He does it is always with a knowledgeable and careful Hand

He is a careful guide with SAFETY always His main concern.  He knows how to use PAIN to extend the bounds of pleasure.  He is a mentor who can bring His slave to the edges of her limits and show her the inner courage to reach new heights

He is always open to communication and discussion,always ready to hear His slaves wants and needs,He is patient taking the time for her to learn and showing that as her TRUST of Him grows so will they

He NEVER has to DEMAND ritual behavior by His slave.  She responds to Him out of WANT of pleasing Him.  Compliance comes from the wanting to please not the FEAR of punishment.  He understands the fragile nature of mind and body and NEVER violates the TRUST freely given to Him

He is secure enough to laugh at Himself and the attributes of life.  Courageous enough to accept assistance,open minded enough to learn new things,strong enough to grow and humble enough to admit His mistakes and immidately apologize for them.  His tools are MIND,BODY,SPIRIT AND SOUL with a little help from bondage,paddles,gags and blindfolds.  He understands that each partner gains most from pleasing each other and both of them know that her slavery and OBEDIENCE are the only binding that truly holds.

             ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

I have been here a while now and i have read a few profiles of MATURE! Dominants,i have not read their entire profiles just the short version as i enter the HOME page of this sight,and one in particular got my attention. This MATURE Dominant Male who is 70 years old made a good point.  In His profile He made a comment that He wondered why so many Younger submissive's do not want to converse with a Older More Experienced Dominant or Master,and i wonder that as well.. However i know alot of sub's/slave's perfer YOUNGER Dominants/Master's but i cannot understand why they would not even want to chat with a much more MATURE more experienced Dominant/Master,Even if they are not interested they could at least chat with them.

MATURE Dominantes/Masters,Have the experience and knowledge and have BEEN THERE AND DONE THAT so to speak,and alot of the younger sub's/slave's could learn alot from their experience,knowledge and wisdom if they would only give them a chance.. I am just the opposite,i prefer MATURE Master's over younger ones,however if a Younger Male Master ever messaged me just to chat i would be polite and chat with them even though i am not interested in them as a MASTER.. I realize everyone is diffeent and everyone has their own likes and dislikes but the more MATURE Dominants/Master's can be a mentor to the younger sub's/slave's or even train them for a future Dominant/Master..

I have ALOT! of RESPECT for Mature Dominants/Master's because of their years of experience and knowledge and i feel safe knowing they know what they are doing..

I am not saying that young Dominants/Master's don't know what they are doing because i am sure they do and i am sure they are very intelligent good Dominants/Master's but Mature Dominants/Master's are wise and know What to do,When to do it,How far to take their sub/slave,When to STOP,When to listen ETC and even the younger Dominants/Master's can learn from the more MATURE One's

They can teach The younger Dominant's/Master's about Bondage,and how to use rope properly,where to strike and not to strike a sub/slave,They can learn what safety measures to take ETC.

So in closing,I will ask all young sub's/slave's to be POLITE to the more MATURE Dominant's/Master's you may not want them as your Dominant/Master but listen to them they can teach you alot,and remember you are a sub/slave so you should know your place when speaking with a Dominant/Master.Be polite don't just IGNORE them because they are MATURE! Listen to them they know what they are talking about. As a sub/slave you should have manners and show RESPECT To a Dominant by being polite,You are in no way OBLIGATED to serve them or address them as MASTER or SIR the RESPECT i am talking about is common courtesy you extend to everyone,and they will do the same.

This is to all MATURE Dominants/Master's.I highly RESPECT your wisdom knowledge and experience and there are sub's/slave's like myself who are interested in You,If you are still seeking a sub/slave DON'T GIVE UP!! Keep looking she is out there waiting for You.. When you least expect it she will be there.. :-))  I am humbled to have contact with any Dominant/Master young or old,and i show the Younger Dominant's/Master's the same RESPECT as i do the MATURE One's.. Be Kind,Be Polite,and Be open to new experiences and listen.. Don't be impolite to anyone.Remember my dearest sub's/slave's you are being watched and evaluted on your BEHAVIOR and ACTIONS and if you are MEAN and impolite to MATURE Dominant's/Master's they in turn will tell the younger Dominant's/Master's how impolite and untrained you really are and in the end you will find yourselves without any Dominant/Master young or MATURE and without  a Dominant/Master you will NEVER be able to submit or OBEY!

              ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

                           ~Slave Contract~

This contract sets out the conditions of mutual consent under which i (The Slave) will be held in sexual bondage and the terms of my discriplinary code and incarceration.  It also affirms that i shall be offered the use of a single PASSWORD,the use of which in any situation will automatically cancel any and all conditions of this contract.  If no PASSWORD is offered or the PASSWORD is not accepted then by definition this contract is deemed to be in effect without limit in any RESPECT

                               ~Conditions~

I accept that i shall be placed in and kept under strict discipline without any time limit.

I accept any forms of punishment administered by You my Master while under your discipline

I accept any form of restraint without any time limit

I accept any form of chastisement in any way with any impliment

I accept actual  imprisonment including additional  physical restraints which may be necessary to imprisionment and without any time limit

I accept sexual use and abuse of my body while under your discipline for any purpose

I accept that the various forms of torment to which i am to be subjected may cause suffering to an acute level,I wish it to be known through this Document that any such suffering is to be prolonged and under no circumstances do i wish to know any release date on my training program

I accept that i am subject to the absolute rule of you my Master and those to whom you deligate that rule.  This may be taken to mean that i am subject to sale,exchange or loan without redress to those of corresponding status with you my Master,but only within the context of this contract.

I accept that no form of of DISOBEDIENCE will be tolerated nor accepted when in the company of you my Master,Other Master's or Mistress'es and other slave's and that i must conduct myself precisely as instructed on each specific occasion

I accept that REBELLION againist my Master will not be tolerated Nor acceptted and if i do start to REBELL againist You my Master it will automatically terminate this contract

I accept that i remain under the Discipinary code imposed by this contract at all times and i am bound by it's terms and conditions in all situations whether closely supervised or not

I____________ do set my signature to this document of my own free will,thus becoming the property of__________ in full understanding that i may be used for any sexual or discipinary purpose without prior limits except for the limits you as my Master inforce

Signed__________Slave

Signed__________Master

Password__________ Accepted/Refused

Final Signature Of Owner____________

Final Signature Of Slave____________

Date______________

If any  slave is interested in this contract please feel free to copy it and modify it if necessary to suit your forth coming M/s relationship

           ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

I was asked by a member here why i do not frequent the chatroomms here,it's a looong story and i have had bad experiences with chat rooms.. I NEVER go into chatrooms anymore,and i wil explain why..

When Master and i met 11 years ago,we started out online as most couples do these days.. Well at the time Master and i had YAHELL which i will NEVER download again.. Master and i chatted alot in YAHELL chatrooms.. Wel at that time Master had other online slave's although there was never any emotional connection on His side but the sub's/slave's claimed to have loved Him and i knew He had other online slave's because He has always been honest with me about them so i knew in the beginning of our M/s relationship,all fine well and good on my part.

Then all of a sudden i get messaged by a few of His online slave's who told me to leave Him alone He was their Master and He loved them and they were going to meet soon and start a real life M/s relationship and that Master NEVER really cared about me and was just using me as His TOY!

Well needless to say i was totally CRUSHED by this so i called Master on the phone and confronted Him with this  and He could tell i have been crying because i was REALLY starting to fall in love with Him and He told me He loeved me as well.. Master said that His online's slave's were just JEALOUS but He was going to put a stop to the harrassment immediately and make them message me with a formal apology for hurting me.

I told Master NO! That's ok,i would uninstall Yahoo then the problem would go away,i did not want any more conflicts,so i was the  one who left YAHELL and VOWED NEVER to go back there again,and tis went on for months and i just could not take any more so i uninstalled YAHOO and that put an end to the hurtful harrassment,And to this day i REFUSE to re install YAHELL and besides Master has FORBADE me to down load yahoo because He still has online slve's there and He doesn't want them starting anything with me.

So now Master and i mostly email back and forth because He is to busy to chat when He is at His office,and we always talk when Master is here at Home so emailing is the best way to go plus i call Him daily at His office and we talk for a little while which i enjoy very much..One privilege i have earned over the years :-))  However if i get PUNISHED for any infraction i am not allowed to call Him or email Him at His office so i do everything in my power NOT to get punished so i may continue to call Him and email Him during His work day until He arrives here at home in the evening :-)0

So Ladies and Gentlemen That is wy i do not go into chatroom anymore.

            ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

I was asked by a member here why i do not frequent the chatroomms here,it's a looong story and i have had bad experiences with chat rooms.. I NEVER go into chatrooms anymore,and i wil explain why..

When Master ai

I was asked by a member here why i do not frequent the chatroomms here,it's a looong story and i have had bad experiences with chat rooms.. I NEVER go into chatrooms anymore,and i wil explain why..

When Master a

         ~What I Admire about my Master~

There are so many thing i admire Maste for but i will list some here. I wear my collar with PRIDE!

1) His SEXY DOMINANT VOICE

2) His Beautiful Hands

3) His Intelligence

4) His Dominance and Control

5) The way He listens

6) The Way He Cares

7) The Way He Smells

8) The Way He Looks

9) His Personality

10) His Sense Of Humor

11) The Way He Speaks To Me

12) The Way He Touches me

13) His Eyes (when i am allowed to look into His eyes)

14) His integrity

15) His Honesty

16) The TRUST He has in me

17) His VERBAL HUMILIATION (He does it like no other Master could)

18) His Maturity

20) His Smile

21) The way He Loves me (totally and completely)

22)His creativity

23) His performance in a scene/session

24) His Modist but strong self worth and self esteem

25)  The way He makes me feel safe and secure

26) His appreciation of me and my service

27) His RESPECT

28) His STRICT! Rules

29) His Kindness and Compassion

30) The way He follows through with His commands and never falters away from them

These are the top 30 things that i admire about Master

             ~slave_brenda/slave-to_Master_John~   

I am not sure to take what was said to me as an insult or a compliment.lol  maybe i should lean toward a compliment as not to offend the person.  :-)) and you all know me well enough now that i have to explain why,what when and how. lol.. Aaaanywho!!! A Female Dominant commented on the fact that for a slave i express myself to much and think for myself to much and that Master should do more thinking and talking for me... Well i will address this issue one statement at a time.. Number One YES! i do express myself ALOT! because i am sharing information and experiences with everyone and Master believe or not encourages me to express myself as long as i remain RESPECTFUL,Non-judgemental and accept constructive critism and i do that on a daily basis,not just here but in my real life as well..

Everyone is entitled to their opinions and they should be allowed to express them just as i do,and i know not everyone here is going to agree with everything post but i don't want you to.. By sharing your opinions with me either openly in a public forum or privately and expressing how you feel and what you think shows me you can think for yourselves and i want to hear your opinions and points of view.. To address the second statement... Just because i am a SLAVE doesn't mean i am a BRAINLESS BIMBO . Master does think for me and makes any and all decisions in my life and our relationship,however Master doesn't want me walking around like a ROBOT!.. Master likes to hear my opinons and wants to know what i think and feel,that is what makes our M/s relationship a STRONG HEALTHY One,good open honest communication.

Master does restrict me from speaking alot of the time,but if i have a serious problem or i don't feel well He wants to know so He can help me.  If i don't tell Him and i become very ill Master will be worried out of His mind then from worry He will become ANGRY! because i NEVER told Him i was not feeling well..  Master and i communicate about anything and everything regardless how minute it might be.

Master is very attentive to my needs and wants as long as i remain totally and completely OBEDIENT to him at all times.

I hope i have clarified these issues and brought some light on why i express myself so much and think for myself :-))

            slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

                ~Basic Slave Rules I Follow~

The following are basic rules that i am required to follow

1) I will serve,OBEY and please my Master

2) Above all else, my primary focus shall be to please my Master hoping that He finds me more pleasing in all that i do.  Whether i am in his presence or not,my Master knows of my potential learning more about me in each day i am with Him.  He trust that i will act in accordance with what He perceives of my potential.  He knows what is bsst for me and how important it is that i set a good example for other people who may be present around me

3) When my Master informs me He will be going out,I am to never question Him as to where He is going and Whom He will be seeing or talking too,My only response will be YES MASTER

4) I worship my Master

5) I worship My Master's body

6) The power of my Master fills me with AWE! just the thought of Him  or Hearing His SEXY DOMINANT VOICE gives me strength

7) To receive pleasure i must earn it

8) I TRUST my Master,His responsibilities,His skills,His needs and His concerns for my safety and for my emotional,psychological,social,sexual and physical health

9) I am nothing more than an object of great value,an instrument Master will use to draw out His pleasures

10) I will ask my Master for permission to satisfy whatever need i have before acting on it

11) My life is the property of my Master

12) I must always give thanks to my Master for all i am given immediately after receiving what He has given me for such things as gifts or privileges granted to me by Him

13) I must be both specific and explicit in my speech

14) I will not hesitate when responding to my Master,my focus is important to my growth

15) I will thank Master for the dicipline and punishments i receive,specifying what i received and expressing the reason as to why i was given them

16) I have no will of my own other than which falls with the context of the rules Master has selected and of that which is needed to pursue the ambitions i am allowed to seek out as according to the permission i have received from my Master.  I will report to Him my progress in such matters to receive His favor or His guidance in making whatever steps may be required to move ahead so that i am successful

17) I am always OBEDIENT to my Master whether He is present or not,ready to please Him at anytime,in any place under any circumstances regardless of who may be present,  For the opportunity to OBEY and please is by far more important and satisifying than any other pursuit.  I TRUST my Master wil keep me safe,protecting His reputation and mine in the presence of others as He examines my ability to present myself to Him and to others in a subtle manner when required to protect our lifestyle from those who may not understand nor support as long as our behavior is not in anyway mis-represented by those who may be afar.  I am to set once again a good example,ready to explain my position to others when required to do so.  My lifestyle is a part of a growing culture for which i must NEVER forget that i am an intergal part

18) All my choices shall be based upon whether or not they will please my Master

19) When i am not in the presence of my Master and i have choices to make,i will perform them to the best of my abilities and within the boundaries and guidance Master has allowed me

20) I shall wear the collar my Master gives me with PRIDE! for it signifies His ownership of me and my devotion to Him

21) I shall wear the chains my Master gives me as a symbol of my position in life,that of bondage to Him.  I shall wear them as required around my neck,my wrists,my ankles or around my waist

22) I will NEVER look into the eyes of my Master without His EXPLICIT permission.  To do so would be inappropriate of my position and doing so could be interpreted by Him that i am seeking His attention or expecting Him to act when such things are up to Him and to Him alone and would constitute severe PUNISHMENT

23) My head must be bowed down in the presence of my Master unless i am given permission to do so otherwise.  I RESPECT the position of my Master and it is important that i am not distracted in my OBEDIENCE to Him

24) My place is on my knees before my Master,for it is a privilege to be His SLAVE

25) When in the presence of my Master but not in use,i will go to the place Master has selected until i am needed by Him

                ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

I have met alot of very nice people in our lifestyle over my 11 years of being a slave,but i have also met people who are not so nice.  Some DEMAND RESPECT,Some DEMAND SERVICE and some are just plain arrogant and annoying..I like to watch people,just watch them and you can learn alot about a person by watching the way the present themselves their body movements,the way they talk and behave..

It amazes me how many Dominants Male and Female just do not get it!  By that i mean they believe they have a right to throw out orders and commands to any and all sub's/slave's just because they are a Dominant and that every sub/slave no matter who they are should kneel before them and automatically serve them,when they do not know them,or even have met them before,but because they are a DOMINANT they feel they are entitled to the RESPECT!

I hate to brake their fantasy about what a DOMINANT is and is not entitled to..No sub/slave is entitled to serve,worship or OBEY! any Dominant Male or Female unless they are officially owned by them.. A Dominant has to earn RESPECT! not DEMAND it..A Good Dominant knows and understands this and does not FORCE a sub/slave to serve or worship them or even address them as Sir or Ma'am.

RESPECT is earned not given away and a sub/slave has the right to walk away from any STRANGE Dominant who DEMANDS RESPECT and SERVICE from them until they can prove themselves worthy of that RESPECT and SERVICE. Just because someone has the title of MASTER,MISTRESS,SIR OR MA'AM does not give them the right to throw orders out at any sub/slave unless they own them,and i want all sub's/slave's to realize this especially the new ones just entering the lifestyle who do not know what they are suppose to do or say..  I was approached once at a MUNCH by a Male Dominant who NEVER stopped to ask me if i was owned and collared and just started DEMANDING me to kneel before Him and worship Him.  When i politely and respectfully refused He became ANGRY and started calling me A CUNT,BITCH and a WANNABE SLAVE.  He embarrassed me so much and every body else in the room.  Master calmly walked over and told me to leave Him and the other Dominant alone,Master pulled Him off to the side and calmly said to Him.. I AM HER MASTER AND HAVE BEEN FOR 11 YEARS AND I DO NOT APPRECIATE ANYONE DISRESPECTING HER OR MYSELF AND I DO NOT APPRECIATE ANYONE DEMANDING HER TO DO ANYTHING,SO I SUGGEST YOU WALK OVER TO MY SLAVE APOLOGIZE TO HER IMMEDIATELY THEN LEAVE HER ALONE OR I WILL DEAL WITH YOU OUTSIDE ALONE,DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR SIR??

The next thing i knew He walks over to me and apologizes for His behavior..  Here is some good sound advice for all Dominants Male and Female.. Until you earn RESPECT! from a sub/slave PLEASE! do not DEMAND OBEDIENCE or SERVICE Because if you do you will end up in alot of trouble,and i don't want anyone to get into trouble with anyone else.. Show RESPECT to everyone,Once you have earned the RESPECT and have established a relationship with a sub/slave then you have the right to DEMAND OBEDIENCE and SERVICE but not until.. Take it slow and easy Gain knowledge and experience and when you do that you will make an AWESOME! Master or Mistress. 

             ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

I have been to different BDSM communities and i have noticed there is alot of emphisis on the SEXUAL aspect of BDSM more then any other aspect,which to me is very sad.. There is so much more to BDSM Then SEX!  This is the main reason wy i do not post with a sexual content with the respect of BDSM..  Alot of the dynamic of a D/s and M/s relationship is the emotional and psychological connection,Now i am not saying that the sexual activites that we all enggae in is not enjoyable,what i am saying is that if we just focus on one aspect of BDSM we are missing out on the whole BDSM concept,which to me are as follows

1) Control

2) Submission

3) Obedience

4) Happily serving and being served domestically,sexually and in general

BDSM is more about Who we are and the roles we we have chosen,It's about the beauty of a submissive and slave inside and out and how one serves his/her owner and the experience and knowledge they possess.  I realize there are people who only submit in the bedroom for sexual pleasure then once finished  with a scene/session then it's back to their normal lifestyle whatever that may be,and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

We all praxctice BDSM in different ways,every couple and relationship are different and there is no RIGHT or WRONG way to conduct and participate in BDSM activities,but if one can look at BDSM from outside the bedroom they will see a whole new way to serve their Owner and serving outside the bedroom can be exciting,erotic and just as fulfilling as serving in the bedroom.

For me personally,i enjoy serving Master domestically more then sexually (though serving Master sexually is very very rewarding and sensual. :-)) but when Master leaves me Specific orders for the day for me to have completed by the time He arrives home from His office which is around 4:30pm give or take a few minutes,i feel as if i am doing a great service for Master by completely tasks that are outside the bedroom,i get a sence of satisfaction when at the end of the day,i know Master will be pleased with my service.  Master NEVER bases my accomplishments by how well i SEXUALLY SERVICE Him in the bedroom,to me that is Very SHALLOW. Master bases my accomplishments by how wel i complete my daily tasks He has given me and if i did them correctly and they met His specifications not by how well i gave Him a BLOW JOB! (although from what He tells me i am VERY Good *smile's*)

If we just focus on the sexual service then we are missing out on the rest of BDSM and how fulfilling it can be from outside the bedroom.  If we are close minded to the fact that serving outside the bedroom will not be as fulfilling as sexual service inthe bedroom then we are truly missing the concept of what BDSM is and we will NEVER be aboe to broaden our horizons and be willing to experience new things if all we are concerned about is SEXUAL SERVICE! Let's all keepp an open mind to the fact that being a submissive or slave is about SERVICE! no matter what type it may be.  We are not here to serve our Owners in just one way but in general.If you lok beyond SEXUAL SERVICE you will be amazed at all BDSM has to offer and how fulfilling new experiences can be.

            ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

                            ~Honor~

In the BDSM communities we hear the word HONOR used in a wide range of contexts.  It is a buzz word that is used to claim status.  It is used as a lure to attract play partners,it  is used in role play,it is a word with wonderful and powerful imagery associated with it and thus it is used time and again but how often do we consider the costs and  stopped to consider the costs that have been paid to add such weight to a single word?  How often do we show this word true reverence?

Nearly everyone would like to claim HONOR.  I am no exception to this rule or perhaps i should rephrase it to state,I WOULD LIKE TO BE DEEMED HONORABLE BY FAIR AND IMPARTIAL CRITICS

Although  being honest about it,i have to admit the cost of earning that title is very difficult to achieve.  It is a title that generally comes with enomous cost and hardship at the risk of being presumptuous i would like to share something with all of you i penned on HONOR.  I do not claim to be a Woman worthy of judging such things.  However,i have  put this before Master who i do believe is fit to judge and He suggests it may be of some worth.  I am flattered by His Kindness and i Love Him with all of my being,heart,mind,body and soul,but in the end it is up to YOU the reader to judge for yourselves.  What follows is nothing more than my own personal opinion.

HONOR has been said to be adherence to a claim and codified set of behavior parameters.  Of course such a simple statement belies the enomous ramifications of the word HONOR

It is not about PRIDE,It is about suffering,it is about trememdous cost and labor of representing ourselves accurately and honestly it is about the terrible damage we incur to remain consistant in a world which  we cannot control.  It is about RISK and LOSS,Those who understand cannot help but utter the word with some sense of shame and sadness

We only understand the weight of a promise when our desire to HONOR has passed.  It is when beating our fists against a wall to blunt the pain of keeping a promise that we come to fully understand,and it is only when we watch a soldier who is trembling with fear continue to walk forward because He said He would,that we understand committment. There is no HONOR in keeping a promise that benefits us. 

Enduring hardship is not HONOR,those who do not understand will attempt to claim HONOR,on the basis of suffering and enduring alone.  All of us suffer and we all do our best to endure.  This is NOT HONOR.  HONOR is only found when we have a choice not to suffer.  It is found when one can truly walk away and avoid pain or loss.

It is a choice to accept loss when one does not need to that brings HONOR!  It is the choice to be consistent and bear the price of  that consistency when the net results in our suffering

The most treacherous will keep a few of their promises or offer some small honesty about themselves in a attempt to feign HONOR.  Both the truth is seen in the lack of consistency.  False honor reveals itself in the gain that it tries to conceal,certainly honor brings gain,but it is a gain that is reflected in the caliber and HONOR cannot be shown by speaking of it..An honorable Man will claim Honor,A Dishonorable Man will claim it as well and a half honorable Man lies when claiming HONOR.  It is consistency and loss that must stand witness to charactor.  The greater the HONOR the greater the COST.  This Ladies and Gentlemen is why HONOR is SACRED.

                ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

I was talking with a submissive earlier today and she asked me if my relationship with Master in any way be it better or worse would i still be His slave,and the answer is YES! I would.  If our relationship changed for whatever reason i would change with it. Master and i have a deep emotional connection and a deep Love and RESPECT for one another and just like a VANILLA marriage when He placed His collor around my neck and Locked it.  We said our vows to each other and vows to me are SACRED.  No matter what happens in our relationship i will stand by Master and support Him the same way He supports me.  We are together for better or worse.  I have NEVER! nor will i ever feel such deep Love for a Mas as i do with Master.  He is my soulmate,my BEST friend,my Lover,my everything and if by some remote chance our relationship changes i will adapt and change with it.

Master is the YING and i am the YANG. Life is never stagnic and neither is a relationship.  It grows,and changes from time to time and you just grow and change with it.  In a successful relationship all the pieces of the puzzle fit and connect to one another,and it's hard work. Nothing that is worth while is EASY but Master and i put 110% of ourselves into our relationship and effort and we make it work,

Sure it's easy to say WELL THIS RELATIONSHIP IS GETTING TO BE A BURDEN AND I NEED TO GO! but if you really LOVE your partner you will work out your problems and issues and stay together. It is also easy for Master to say to me  I DON'T THINK I CAN TAKE CARE OF YOU ANYMORE SO I NEED TO RELEASE YOU AND I AM SORRY!!! but Master would NEVER say that,why? because of the Love,TRUST and respect that has built between us for the past 11 years.

We have had more than our fair share of problems and some  of them were very very difficult to work out but our relationship is SACRED to both of us and worth every once of effort that Master and i can put into it, There is NEVER any time that Master or i regret our relationship or each other.  The hardships we have gone through together only made us STRONGER to over come any obsticle in our way.

I am not a PERFECT! slave and if you find a PERFECT! slave please let me know so i may take lessons from him or her.  I make mistakes Master makes mistakes but we admit them,correct them and move forward with our relationship.  Whatever i did in the past stays in the past and is NEVER brought up again.  I made the mistakes,i was PUNISHED for the mistakes,Master forgave me and we continued on with our relationship.. So Ladies and Gentlemen in closing i will say this If you are willing to put 100%  of yourselves into your relationship and make the effort to work out any and all issues then if your relationship changes you will adapt and change with it. God Bless You All and remember to ALWAYS keep it SAFE,SANE AND CONSENSUAL and also remember RISK AWARE CONSENSUAL KINK!  :-))

            ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

                            ~Sacrifice~

As a slave i sacrifice for Master,Anything Master wants or needs from me He receives, no questions asked even though sometimes i don't want to,i do for His happiness not my own. Master is a very SELFISH Man but One who give's back to me in other ways,however He is my main priority in life.  I Live.breathe and sleep for Master.. This is what being a consensual slave is about SACRIFICE! The NEED to keep Master happy and contented over rides my own wants and needs,although i want for nothing as far as the essentials i need to survive but anything extra goes directly to Him.

In return for my sacrifices i receive His Love,Attention and time and when His needs are met then my needs are met.  I am not His equal i am a half that makes a whole in our relationship.

When i was researching slavery,i knew exactly what was required of me as a slave,i knew what i had to give up in order to truly have a APE/TPE relationship.  I knew my life would not be my own anymore and i went into slavery with knowledge and awareness so i knew what i was getting myself into from the beginning,but it was what i wanted,what i chose to be and what i am happy doing with my life now.  I never had these high expectations of what slavery would be like i knew realistically what slavery is and i chose slavery over being a submissive because i enjoy the strict structure,high protocol and the whole concept of SLAVERY.

Some people have asked me if i ever felt neglected for all of my sacrifices i make,and the answer is NO! Master NEVER! Neglets me and takes very good care of me after all i am His Property.  I may sometimes want to tell Master NO! but i can't and won't tell Master NO! Why would i do that? what is the point of a APE/TPE relationship when all i would ever say is NO! Our relationship is all about Him it revolves around Him not myself,but as a slave i know my responsibilities and i know what i have to do and what is required of me to stay Owned and Collared by Master and NO! Is not in my vocabulary.

Master makes any and all decisions in my life,not because i can't but because i don't want to.  Once the collar was placed around my neck right at that moment my life was HIS! heart,mind,body and soul was HIS! to do whatever he wanted to do. I freely and willingly handed over my life to Master_John for safe keeping,and making sacrifices was just one thing a loyal,devoted,faithful OBEDIENT! slave does for Her Master,and Master realizes my sacrifices i make for Him and appreciates me for them and Loves me because He knows i will NEVER say NO! Out of OBEDIENCE,Love and RESPECT! for Him and when Master is happy then i am happy.  My slavery is my happiness in life,and i don't want or need anything else. :-))

             ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

                            ~Sacrifice~

As a slave i sacrifice for Master,Anything Master wants or needs from me He receives, no questions asked even though sometimes i don't want to,i do for His happiness not my own. Master is a very SELFISH Man but One who give's back to me in other ways,however He is my main priority in life.  I Live.breathe and sleep for Master.. This is what being a consensual slave is about SACRIFICE! The NEED to keep Master happy and contented over rides my own wants and needs,although i want for nothing as far as the essentials i need to survive but anything extra goes directly to Him.

In return for my sacrifices i receive His Love,Attention and time and when His needs are met then my needs are met.  I am not His equal i am a half that makes a whole in our relationship.

When

I thought i would share my HARD LIMITS and SOFT Limits with all of you and what i am into as far as the type of PLAY implements,and what i enjoy Master does to me,but remember Ladies and Gentlemen that everything between Master and i is negotiated and consensual before any play,or implement is used :-))

                              ~HARD LIMITS~

1)No Sex or anything else with another Woman

2) Scat

3) EXTREME Pian (Hard S/M)

4) Blood play or edge play

5) No Animals

6) No KIDS (That is just obvious)

                            ~SOFT LIMITS~

1) Anal play (with negotiation)

2) Golden showers/Drinking Urine (Somkething I Do not enjoy but will do it if Master insists)

                            ~Types Of Play~

1) Verbal Humiliation (Number 1 turn on for me)

2) Head gams/mind fuckiing (This should only be attempted by a Dominant or Master who knows how to do this correctly and has knowledge and experience in this very senistive play)

3) Pet play

4) Domestic sevice/Maid

5)restricted speech and eye contact (Love it)

          ~Impliments i enjoy Master using~

1) Floggers

2) Bondage

3) Gags

4) St.andrews cross

5) Bondage chair and bench

6) Blindfolds

7) Paddles

8) Restraints

9) Collar and leash

10) spanking bench

11)handcuffs

12)rope

             ~What turns me on about Master~

1) His SEXY DOMINANT VOICE

2) BLACK CLOTHING From Head to toe (Very intimidating)

3) His Beautiful hands/His long slim fingers

4) His verbal commands

5) His DOMINANCE,Control and Authority Over me

6) His High level of protocol that is required of me

7) His many years of experience and knowledge

8) The way He treats me I.E Like an object of no value,However that depends on His Mood at the time

9) His colonge and the way He smells mmmmmmm!

10) How He looks at me

I could go on and on with this one lol But i think you get the picture :-))

                  ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

                         ~Is It Cheating When~

A couple of days ago i was asked about cheating,specifically if using technology to CYBER DATE someone was considered cheating.  It brought me to the conclusion that we need to have a discussion about it. Just YOU AND ME!

Cheating is a BIG NASTY word.  It conjures distrust,fear and doubt in a relationship.  It means that someone has violated the negotiated boundaries of the relationship.  If you find out your partner is cheating you can go through feelings of worthlessness,ANGER! and a myraid of other things.  It is just a bad place to be

But is it cheating if the offense happened online?  Can you cheat by chatting?

Depending on the condition and situation of your relationship your answer could be YES! or NO!  Master and i  realize that while inappropriate online conversations will not jeoparidize our relationship and the fact He is honest with me about His other online relationships,we have no issues about it

          ~Physical Cheating VS Emotional Cheating~

When i think of cheating i think of having sexual relations with another person.  That's what cheating is to me.  It is not the only difinition though physical cheating is just that Sexual and intimate contact with someone else without the other partner's awareness and that's really the whole thing about cheating anyway. (PARTNER AWARENESS)

There is also EMOTIONAL CHEATING.  Emotional cheating is when there is a powerful intimate connection that does not include SEX or sensual contact.  Often times the emotional cheating is what develops with an online ONLY relationship and it can be the least recoverable.  What defines emotional cheating is in great debate in online forums.  Different people consider intimate connections at different levels of the relationship.  Others think that any conversation is bounds for shakely behavior. (I personally am on neutrual ground with this issue)

                ~Is It All A TRUST Issue?~

When you lose TRUST in someone you can start to think they are seeking intimacy else where.  If you have been hurt in the past then you will see cheating as the end of the relationship.  But why would someone cheat on their partner in the first place?  There are as many reasons as there are cheaters in thie world,here are just a few

Forced monogamy on a play individual

Unhappiness in current relationship

Sexual frustration (Meaning your partner does not want to have sex with you)

Accident innocuous relationship develops further than planned

So is it cheting when your partner chats and develops a relationship with someone online? You Tell Me!

              slave_Brenda/slave_to-Master_John~

                    ~What Slavery Is And Is Not~

Slavery is not about suffering

Slavery is about service

Slavery is not about degradeing

Slavery is about humility

Slavery is not about PAIN

Slavery is about being present

Slavery is not about being used

Slavery is about being of use

Slavery is not about control

slavery is about letting go

Slavery is not about your desires

Slavery is about giving to others

Slavery is not about ABUSE

Slavery is about acceptence

Slavery is not about proving anything

Slavery is about being REAL

Slavery is not about contempt

Slavery is about RESPECT

Slavery is not about how you look

Slavery is about how you care

Slavery is not about denying yourself

Slavery is about being open

Slavery is not about PUNISHMENT

Slavery is about DICIPLINE

Slavery is not about being unable to escape

Slavery is about being committed

Slavery is not about SUBMISSION

Slavery is about OBEDIENCE

Slavery is not about FEAR

Slavery is about TRUST

Slavery is not about SEX

Slavery is about LOVE

Slavery is not about pleasure

Slavery is about happiness

           ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

I Was recently asked if Master was married would i still want to be His slave knowing it would not be a 24/4 relationship

My answer is YES! However,the dynamic of our relationship would change drastically,there would be clear set boundaries and rules for me to follow and i would still Love Him even if He NEVER returned those feelings for me.. I would RESPECT the fact He was Married with a family and i would not do anything to interfere with His marriage.  There would be a mutual understanding between us,also I would want Master to be completely honest with me about His life,our relationship and where and how far He would want our relationship to go.

If It started to become a problem for Him,then i would graciously BOW OUT so to speak as to not cause Him any Problems with His marriage,as much as it would crush me and i would be DEVISTATED His Marriage would be more important to me then my own needs and wants.. I am not a selfish person,never have never will be and Marriage is a SACRED Bond between 2 people and as long as Master and i kept open honest communication i would absolutely continue to serve Him until He stated other wise.

My love for Him would NEVER! change nor would my devotion,loyalty,faithfulness or OBEDIENCE to Him as His slave.  I realize we would not be able to see each other all the time and i would be okay with that.  There would be 3 Main priorites for Him in this exact order

1) Family

2) Career

3) Our M/s relationship

I Love Master_John and would do everything in my Power to keep our relationship together and as long as i abide by The boundaries and rules Then we would contine to with our M/s relationship and i would NEVER ask questions or talk abut His family with Him unless He is the onewho wanted to do so, His Marriage is His PRIVATE BUSINESS!

So YES! I would continue to be His SLAVE! if Master was Married.  :-))

                  ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

Hello Everyone,I am sorry i have not been here and posted.  I was having trouble connecting to the internet.  i have NEANDERTHALL dial up lolol and fair point had issues so i wasn't able to connect all weekend,and YES! i was FRUSTRATED lol but now i finaly connected so i can continue. i hope you all had a GREAT weekend :-)) so without further ado i will post my next topic. :-))

     ~12 RED FLAGS of BAD Dominants and Master's~

Predators and ABUSIVE Dominants and Masters are every where. I have seen them.  I am going to give you 12 RED FLAGS that can indicate you are with an ABUSIVE Person.  This is no where near an exhaustive list.  There are many many more RED FLAGS out there. 

1) Are you afraid of your Dominant or Master?

2) Does He threaten to leave or abandon you if you don't submit or OBEY?

3) Does your Dominant or Master threaten violence if you don't submit ot OBEY?

4) Does your Dominant or Master give you expensive gifts to get you to do something you don't honestly want to do?

5) Have you gained or lost weight while being with your Dominant or Master? ( THIS DOES NOT INCLUDE INTENDED WEIGHT GAIN OR LOST)

6) Does your Dominant or Master make you feel guilty if you can't or won't do something?

7) Does your Dominant or Master make you feel UGLY and UNWANTED?

8) Have you ever felt like you have been RAPED after having sex with your Dominant or Master

9) Does your Dominant or Master ignore your needs such as Medical treatment,food,clothing?

10) Has your Dominant or Master ever question your loyalty when you question His behavior?

11) Does your Dominant or Master ignore your limits,safe words and safe actions?

12) Have you caught your Dominant in a lie and when confronted becomes ANGRY and punishes you SEVERELY?

                             ~Where To Find Help~

It is important that you find out for yourself and then GET OUT!! There are local and national agencies to help you get away safely of ABUSE in BDSM relationships.

If you are experiencing a DOMESTIC VIOLENCE emergency please call 911

If you need help or assistance with DOMESTIC VIOLENCE please call the NATIONAL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOT LINE AT 1-800-799-SAFE OR 1-800-787-3224-TTY

I Strongly support THE NATIONAL LEATHER ASSOCIATION AND INTERNATIONAL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE PROJECT in their efforts to bring awareness of ABUSE in BDSM relationships

Stay SAFE my dearest friends,Protect and GET OUT,You do not need to stay in a ABUSIVE relationship especially with children

Three types of ABUSE I Will NEVER Tolerate nor Accept,however,i NEVER! accept nor tolerate ABUSE of any kind but these three i DESPISE!

1) ABUSED WOMEN

2) ABUSED CHILDREN

3) ABUSED ANIMALS

ABUSE should NEVER be tolerated nor accepted by YOU! GET HELP AND GET OUT!

                 ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

      ~Submitting Is Not Without Responsibility~

A common mistake that many sub's/slave's make is to ASSUME (A BIG NO,NO) that giving up control also means giving up the responsibility to themselves and to the situation.  A sub/slave shares equal responsibility for any consequences good or bad that occur as a result of consensual play or activities.

Other flaws with what i witnessed recentlly at a play party were that the TOP and BOTTOM had no negotiation prior to His wailing on her.  He was oblivious to the instruction on how to use a certain implement.  He decided to hit His BOTTOM anywhere He could while she struggled and screamed.  It was not pleasant to witness and a relief when it stopped.

I am sure some of you are asking WHY it was allowed to go on at all?  The very fact that it was halted is good dungeon monitoring and as party participants ourselves it is not our place to interupt a scene/session or ASSUME! that negotiation did not happen or that this was not the way that these two normally played.

They were stopped when it became quite clear that her physical safety was at risk and the TOP was not listening to the cautions that He was receiving about DANGEROUS OFF LIMIT AREAS.  I don't know if He will be allowed back.

As a sub/slave you need to remember that the consensual activities that you enjoy are RISKY and even though you submit you should have a working understanding of what is safe and what is DANGEROUS to you.  This DANGER could be physical,emotional or mental watching out for yourself rests outside the surrender bubble.

NEVER! hesitate to stop play and ask questions or respectfully and politely correct your TOP if they have hit you where you are uncomfortable.  Having impact areas such as the rib cage,spleen,tail bone and liver are obvious areas YOU SHOULD NEVER BE STRUCK! either near or on.  Only fleshy muscled areas of your body should be struck because the organs can be damaged from impact.  You can bleed internally from a poorly placed stroke.

You do not have to put up with poor play to get someone to play with you.  Keep the responsibility on ALERT at all times and keep the danger at bay.  Submit RESPONSIBLY

Learn parts of your body that are susceptible to injury

Go to classes so that you can learn how to play safely

It's ok to be picky with your play partners

Negotiate with play partners that you do not have a relationship with

Uphold your health and safety during play.  No matter how far you surrender

If you don't know what you should be watching for,have someone else who does know back you up.

             ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

      ~5 Ways To Express Gratitude To Your Owner~

Take a moment and come up with some things you are grateful for in your life that you may not have had before you were in a relationship with your Owner.  How important are they to your happiness? When was the last time you showed your appreciation for these things? Isn't it about time you did??

So what ideas do you have for expressing yourself?  They can be simple or elebrate as long or short as you want them to be.  They are your own.  Make it honest and full of your service

Below is a list of 5 ways you can really show your gratitude to your Owner.  If you are interested please feel free to copy these and try them

                                     ~Make~

Sure,it's quite easy to go to the store and purchase something for your Owner,but when was the last time you made something for them?  You don't have to learn anything or have specific skills,make a special dinner or dessert,make a card or write a poem,Put together a photo album or mosaic,something home made has more meaning than a purchased item.

                                  ~Offer~

The first idea is to offer service that you don't normally do.  It can be anything,give a full body massage,bathe your Owner's feet,sexual service that you don't usually do, be a foot stool,be their tax pre-parer,anything that would just make their day and remember to make it a part of yourself.  Offering to pay for them to attend a salon or spy is not the same thing as offering yourself for a day of pampering

                                 ~Create~

This idea is not about making something,but setting a mood.  If you know your Owner is going to come home from a STRESSFUL day it could be something as simple as soft lights and maybe candles to help them relax and shed from their STRESSFUL Day and the outside world.  Making sure the house is picked up and inviting can bring alot of emotion attatched to it.  It not only shows that you care for the house hold possessions but also how it makes people feel when they enter,also put on some ambiant music (chill out) which is soothing to the ears

You can also create a atmosphere appropriate for whatever maybe planned,if play is on the menu then neatly prepare your play space.  If dinner is the order of the day setting the table as if you are in a fine restaurant can show your appreciation for a number of things

                      ~Rededicate~

Ultimately,this should only be done if you are really ready to deepen your relationship or there has been a lapse in the dynamic that you wish to try to repair. Again,the ritual that this involves can be simple to elebrate,so let your mind develop what would work for you.  Even just setting aside time to talk about how you wish to submit and offering that over vuluntarily expresses how much you Love the relationship and what your Owner does for you.  Remember,you don't have to wait for your Owner to tell you to create a ritual or process for doing something.  I have gained so many rituals just by starting it and having Master say He really likes it.

If you have become LAZY in your rules,start really digging in and doing them before you get into some serious trouble and severely PUNISHED!  Don't let distraction sway you.  You want to serve,that's why you are in this M/s relationship, SO SERVE!! Your slavery just might deepen your Owner's Dominance.

Lastly,Remember to say THANK YOU! when you do these things.  Make it all about your Owner NOT YOU!! Don't let your relationship become a relationship you take for granted as so many do.  Relationships build because we work at them,show how much you appreciate everything your Owner does for you and you will also reap the rewards.

              slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

                               ~A Slave's Creed~

I will communicate with complete honesty my needs,desires,limits and experience.  I realize failing to do so will not only prevent my Master and i from having the best experience possible but can also lead to physical and emotional harm.  I will not try to manipulate my Master,i will not push to make a scene/session go the way i feel it should.  I will keep an open mind about trying things that i am not accustomed to or comfortable with and expanding my limits

I will continue to grow as a slave and as a HUMAN BEING.  I will accept the responsibility of discovering what pleases my Master and will do my best to fulfill His wishes and desires.  I will not allow myself to be harmed or abused.  I know that SLAVE does not equal DOOR MAT

I will be courteous and helpful to my fellow slave's.  I will share my knowledge and experience's with others in the hope they will learn from where i have been.  I will take the time to help those new in the lifestyle out on the correct path

I will be responsive to my Master.  I will not try to hide what my mind and body are feeling so that i may assist Him in His responsibilites as my Authority.  I know that Master is not telepathic and will not expect Him to know thought and feelings which i do not share.  I will never think myself a better slave because i choose to serve on a different level than another.  I will not be boastful of experiences i have had as a slave.  I know that my actions and behavior reflect upon my Master,however i take full responsibility of my behavior and actions and never put blame on my Master,and i will represent Master on the highest level of honor in front of others and help others see Him in a positive way.  I will not intentionally embarrass or DISOBEY my Master

Above all,I will wear my title of SLAVE with honor.  I will never cause other's to think that being a SLAVE means to be weak or sub-human.  I will take pride in who and what i am and will never show myself in a negative way.

                   ~slave_brenda/slave_toMaster_John~

                ~Self Discovery Leads To Self Worth~

Self worth is in herent in all of us.  We gather our own opinions about ourselves and based on what we think other people think of us.  I had a tendency to rate myself at a 5 on a scale from 1-10 in terms of how worthy i was.  Worthy of happiness,success,joy,money,it all had a rating that would tell me i just wasn't worth it.  This mental state would outline itself on new situations in my life.  Apparently,this rating was my comfort zone in that i felt anxiety about attaining either higher or lower levels of success.  Then i found my slavery or rather it found me,finally feeing free to express myself in a manner that felt good.  I had a sense that the people i was interacting with had  good healthy self worth and it helped me bolster my own self worth and self esteem. Ironiclly i was lifted up and through some daily mental exercises i improved myself worth,i would stand in front of the mirror every day and tell myself that i was worth everything the world had to offer and that i could accomplish anything i set my mind to.  Your mind is capable of many wonderous things if you let it.  My self worth was actualized when i found a Master that wanted me,desired me and craved my service,. YES! someone else helped my self worth reach it's peak.  I don't recommend that someone else changes your self-worth you should do it yourself.

So how do you begin this jouney of self discovery to improve your self-worth?

Here are a few things that come to mind,courtesy of OPERATION BEAUTIFUL

REFLECTION- Think about the people,places and things that have influenced your life.  Did they positively or negatively contribute to the way you feel about yourself? how does that a now?

DAILY AFFIRMATIONS-Self talk can go a long way in determining how we feel and what we present to the world.  Try this,Choose a phrase to state your intentions for the day like,I WILL CHERISH MY BODY TODAY AND NOT SPEAK BADLY OF MYSELF

JOURNALING-Write down Inspiring quotes,exciting events in your iife and interesting people you have met.  Make sure to look at your journal daily

LAUGH- Have Fun!  Spend time with people who make you smile,Laughing always makes you feel better i quarantee it :-))

                   ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

I have been asked if Master_John refers to Himself As MASTER! and the answer is NO! Master does not refer to himself as MASTER.  He is very Humble But is PROUD! He is very secure with Who and what He is,He never has to Display His Dominance! He also does not DEMAND any sub/slave to address Him as MASTER because He does not Own them,and He also does not DEMAND a sub/slave to refer to Him as SIR.  If they show Him That RESPECT He thanks them but NEVER DEMANDS that RESPECT! from strange sub's/slave's.

In my opinion if a DOMINANT has to prove Himself as a MASTER then He truly is Not One.  REAL MASTER'S do not brag,or have to prove Their Dominance to anyone and They NEVER demand RESPECT He has not earned. A TRUE Master is secure in His Dominance,He has a healthy sence of self-esteem and self worth,He is polite and RESPECTS everyone regardless if the people are other Dominants (Male or Female) or sub's/slave's.

Master is just Himself and everyone RESPECTS Him and likes Him.  He NEVER says LOOK AT ME I AM A MASTER!! He is discrete and he is comfortable with Who and What He is. 

Most people just address Him as JOHN! and that is fine..YES! He is a MASTER a very experienced,knowledgeable,Intelligent MASTER however,He NEVER walks around with the Irrogance  or sees Himself as this SUPER HUMAN DOMINANT who can have any sub/slave He want's or thinks every sub/slave will serve Him.  He is not that way and never has been that way.  Master_John is Just Himself,He doesn't walk around with a FALSE sense of who and what He is,He NEVER Brags about how many sub's/slave's He has owned and NEVER preceive's Himself as GOD ALMIGHTY! He is a Humble but DOMINANT Man who enjoys His Dominance and has Integrity,Honor,RESPECT Inner Strength and the ability to be the BEST Master He can be because of His Many years of experience and knowledge and wants to make sure His sub's/slave's are as happy and satidfied as They make Him.  :-))

              slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

                        ~How To Connect~

If you wish to grow closer to your slavery or submission and bring spirituality in your service you can look no further then your own religious experience

1) Find a mantra or mediation that means alot to you and your service,memorize it and say it often

2) Practice mediation techniques so that you can find your inner peace easier

3) Find a way to worship your Owner,this can be by ritual,batheing,foot worship or other body part service.  It can also be learning new skills with your Owner in mind a sensual full body massage is one that i can think of

4) Perform your service with focused slow steps.  Develop your grace.  Do every step with purpose and meaning

Each of these ideas can help you connect with your spirituality of your service and will provide you with a new way to be intimate with your Owner

Spirituality is not required as a part of your service.  It is just a way to enhance what you already do.  If you are a bedroom sub/slave these ideas can be applied to sexual service as well.  Imagine a spiritual BLOW JOB! or a ritual of sensual full body massage as part of fore play.  Spirituality can be a part of anything you do

Don't let the idea of spirituality or religion overwhelm you,make your part in BDSM whatever you want to make it.  If spirituality is what you would like to try.  Please embrace some of the ideas here or share some.

What ideas do you have for bringing out your spirituality in service?

               ~slacve_brenda/slave_to_Master-John~

                        ~How To Connect~

If you wish to grow closer to your slavery or submission and bring spirituality in your service you can look no further then your own religious experience

1) Find a mantra or mediation that means alot to you and your service,memorize it and say it ften

2) Practice mediation techniques so that you can find your inner peace easier

3) Find a way to worship your Owner,this can be by ritual,batheing,foot worship or other body part service.  It can also be learning new skills with your Owner in mind a sensual full body massage is one that i can think of

4) Perform your service with focused slow steps.  Develop your grace.  Do every step with purpose and meaning

Each of these ideas can help you connect with your spirituality of your service and will provide you with a new way to be intimate with your Owner

Spirituality is not required as a part of your service.  It is just a way to enhance what you already do.  If you are a bedroom sub/slave these ideas can be applied to sexual service as well.  Imagine a spiritual BLOW JOB! or a ritual of sensual full body massage as part of fore play.  Spirituality can be a part of anything you do

Don't let the idea of spirituality or religion overwhelm you,make your part in BDSM whatever you want to make it.  If spirituality is what you would like to try.  Please embrace some of the ideas here or share some.

What ideas do you have for bringing out your spirituality in service?

               ~slacve_brenda/slave_to_Master-John~

          ~Finding Your Spirituality In Service~

Religion and spirituality have a connection,but they do not have to be connected.. I Keep my Catholic Faith seperate from my slavery,however i do find spirituality in my slavery.  It generally means you have a spirituality about it but when you are connected to religion.  Does that make sense?

BDSM can be spiritual if you feel connected to it in a similiar way as you would religion.  The whole idea of BDSM is an over powering idea of all things sexual,sensual and relationship related that involve our entire being,life and identity.  This isn't about being KINKY in the bedroom anyone can do that,this is about living and breathing an alternative lifestyle. that embraces BDSM in it's  core.

When you are serving,do you feel focused on the service and the power that you receive from you partner? Does it give you a floaty feeling or a sense of being that reminds you of inner peace and acceptance of  your life? If you answer YES To these questions  You could be experiencing service as spiritual.

My experience with spiritual BDSM makes me feel at peace with my self,slavery and Master.  I feel transcended into happiness and wholeness that i have never experienced any other way.  What i am doing give's me a strong sense of my spititual self

As far as my religion stands i believe in GOD ALMIGHTY 100% He is my best friend next to Master and also Master believes in GOD ALMIGHTY,One of the qualifications that was needed in order for me to accept and serve a Master.

              ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

       ~Use Your SAFE WORD Without Guilt~

I have talked about SAFEWORDS here before.  I believe they are very important for new relationships and when new activities are being introduced.  A SAFE WORD is a break in the play. One that typically halts play immediately and completely,but can also be one where slowing down is the direction.  YES! there are people who don't use SAFE WORDS and if you decide that they are not necessary for your relationship then that's fine,however i would strongly recommend that you adopt them for a time first before making this decision.

You have a  SAFE WORD for a reason,it's very likely that you come up with the word or words yourself to protect your interests during a scene/session.  You never know what may go wrong but for many of us weilding that power is scary and one that you don't consider unless it is absolutely necessary.  When we do break and need a SAFE WORD out of a scene/session we  can be over whelmed with GUILT and feeling of failure.

What if i could have lasted just a little longer?

I feel like a BAD sub/slave for using my SAFE WORD?

Will my Owner Love,Trust in me if i use my SAFE WORD?

Having these thoughts can completely mess with your head and heart.  I know that many times i have regretted saying my SAFE WORD.  Trying to convince myself that just a few more minutes i could have lasted or that i wasn't a good slave if i used my SAFE WORD

It's not like that though,if you feel that you really could have lasted a bit longer then you learned that your limit is just a bit further and the next time you play you may be able to reach a little further before you reach the edge USE IT!! for what it is a learning experience.  We were all novice's once and you can't expect to know your limits right from the beginning.  Don't let calling your SAFE WORD bring doubt's about your experience

You are not a bad sub/slave for using your SAFE WORD in fact quite the opposite your Owner trust's that you will use your SAFE WORD if things get to extreme for you.  They can't read every reaction of your body or how you are experiencing the play that day.  You honor your Owner for remembering your SAFE WORD and using it.

YES! it can make you feel guilty,it's a normal reaction to the power that we yield when we enter the POWER EXCHANGE Dynamic.

We learn that letting down our Owner can come in many forms.  This is NOT! One of them.  I am not sure why i ever thought that using my safe word was a failure on my part especially since this was something Master gave me to use and TRUSTED that i would use it if necessary.  Not using it and going beyond what i could handle would be a FAILURE i know that now, do You?

         slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

       The Basics Of Negotiating A Scene/Session~

When you are ready to negotiate with someone,have in mind what you would like to experience. You can be as specific as you would like to be.  Express what turns you on and what things you have tried in the past that really did it for you.  Tell them your limits,it is best if you go back to do your check list again,it will really give you a clue as to what you can and cannot do as well as things that just are not appealing

Negotiating pre-scene's/session's can include the following

Arrangement of roles,who will be the TOP and the BOTTOM.  Participation of any other observers and the way parties address each other

Expectations and needs of both partners such as like's,dislike's of the TOP and BOTTOM partners and the ability to fulfill each other's needs

Limits of the scene/session,boundaries that are set to define what experience is acceptable within psychological limits,OBEDIENCE verbal humiliation and physical limits such as Pain,marks and resistance to difference influences.

Types of play practices that would be included in a scene/session such as bondage,role playing,spanking or sensory deprivation

BDSM GEAR and attire,what materials,adult toys and fetish wear will be used

Duration of the scene/session at what time the play starts and ends,Who will be in charge of the time

Health Concerns,Talking over existent diseases,S.T.D'S taking any medications ETC

safety Measures,Any safety tools to prevent situations when something goes wrong.  Sexual Conduct,What type of sexual activity is accepted (If Any)

Safe Words And Safe Actions, 1 or set of verbal and non-verbal signs that will be used to STOP the play or slow it down.

If you are interested,Please feel free to copy this and use it as a reference.

              slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

       The Basics Of Negotiating A Scene/Session~

When you are ready to negotiate with someone,have in mind what you would like to experience. You can be as specific as you would like to be.  Express what turns you on and what things you have tried in the past that really did it for you.  Tell them your limits,it is best if you go back to do your check list again,it will really give you a clue as to what you can and cannot do as well as things that just are not appealing

Negotiating pre-scene's/session's can include the following

Arrangement of roles,who will be the TOP and the BOTTOM.  Participation of any other observers and the way parties address each other

Expectations and needs of both partners such as like's,dislike's of the TOP and BOTTOM partners and the ability to fulfill each other's needs

Limits of the scene/session,boundaries that are set to define what experience is acceptable within psychological limits,OBEDIENCE verbal humiliation and physical limits such as Pain,marks and resistance to difference influences.

Types of play practices that would be included in a scene/session such as bondage,role playing,spanking or sensory deprivation

BDSM GEAR and attire,what materials,adult toys and fetish wear will be used

Duration of the scene/session at what time the play starts and ends,Who will be in charge of the time

Health Concerns,Talking over existent diseases,S.T.D'S taking any medications ETC

safety Measures,Any safety tools to prevent situations when something goes wrong.  Sexual Conduct,What type of sexual activity is accepted (If Any)

Safe Words And Safe Actions, 1 or set of verbal and non-verbal signs that will be used to STOP the play or low it down.

If you are interested,Please feel free to copy this and use it as a reference.

              slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

       The Basics Of Negotiating A Scene/Session~

When you are ready to negotiate with someone,have in mind what you would like to experience. You can be as specific as you would like to be.  Express what turns you on and what things you have tried in the past that really did it for you.  Tell them your limits,it is best if you go back to do your check list again,it will really give you a clue as to what you can and cannot do as well as things that just are not appealing

Negotiating pre-scene's/session's can include the following

Arrangement of roles,who will be the TOP and the BOTTOM.  Participation of any other observers and the way parties address each other

Expectations and needs of both partners such as like's,dislike's of the TOP and BOTTOM partners and the ability to fulfill each other's needs

Limits of the scene/session,boundaries that are set to define what experience is acceptable within psychological limits,OBEDIENCE verbal humiliation and physical limits such as Pain,marks and resistance to difference influences.

Types of play practices that would be included in a scene/session such as bondage,role playing,spanking or sensory deprivation

BDSM GEAR and attire,what materials,adult toys and fetish wear will be used

Duration of the scene/session at what time the play starts and ends,Who will be in charge of the time

Health Concerns,Talking over existent diseases,S.T.D'S taking any medications ETC

safety Measures,Any safety tools to prevent situations when something goes wrong.  Sexual Conduct,What type of sexual activity is acceptd (If Any)

Safe Words And Safe Actions, 1 or set of verbal and non-verbal signs that will be used to STOP the play or low it down.

If you are interested,Please feel free to copy this and use it as a reference.

              slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

                      ~A Door Mat Slave~

A DOOR MAT SLAVE is one that accepts their Owner's conditional control to remove them from society,inter-personal relationships and ultimately to stop caring about themselves.  Once you are left with a shell of a person this Master/Mistress can do whatever He/She wants and get no personality in return.  These slave's will commonly be EXTREMELY passive in behavior and not have any strong feelings about anything.  In EXTREME cases it can be associated with BRAIN WASHING ( For Lack Of A Better Word)

It is important to recognize the signs of becoming a DOOR MAT because it can change you in a negative way.  Being a slave does not mean you have to be isolated from family and friends or not be able to have opinions or points of view.  You can be POWERFUL and STRONG and still be a SLAVE.

The following list has items that could mean you are headed into DOOR MAT CATEGORY

1)  Does your owner tell you your opinions don't matter?

2) Does your Owner ignore established limits?

3) Does your Owner FORBID you interaction with family and friends?

4) Does your Owner mis-use any money you give Him/Her?

5) Are you allowed to leave?

Does your Owner treat your possessions with less care than He/She treats their own?

          ~How To Avoid Becoming A Door Mat~

The most important way to avoid becoming a DOOR MAT SLAVE is to know what you need and want in a relationship to be happy and not settling for less.  Be active in your endeavors to be happy.  You should NEVER let someone else tell you that you should be happy with less than what you need and want.

If you don't know what you want or need in a M/s relationship then i strongly suggest you do some deep soul searching until you do find out what you want and need in a M/s relationship.  Your goals may be that you want to please and make your Owner happy,but it should ultimately make you happy as well.  If you don't feel happy with what you are doing and how you are being treated there is something wrong with the relationship

        ~Are There Slave's Who Want To Be DOOR MATS?~

Short answer YES! some slave's like the idea of being completely isolated and under the control of their Owner in all things,they like feeling useless and debased of emotion and opinion,they thrive on the feeling of being less than HUMAN.

These slave's are few and far between.  I mention them here because i feel that if i don't someone is going to remind me that these slave's do exist.

If you don't want to be a DOOR MAT SLAVE make sure you take today to learn what you want and need and take action in your live's to make sure you are always headed towards your happiness and fulfillment.  Turn the DOOR MAT into something you wipe your feet on,not something you are.

                  ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

~Diffuse Extreme Mood Swings Before They Get You PUNISHED~

Dealing with extreme mood swings is a challenge.  It is not uncommon for people to let their emotions take control of their behavior,but for the sub/slave constantly trying to prove themselves,this is not an option.  Learning to diffuse your emotions is in my opinion a very important tool to have.

Like any stressful situation,a mood swing can be released in the same way. Follow the next few steps when you feel that your emotions are getting the better of you.

1) BREATHE,  When your emotions take control of your body,you experience physical changes that help increase your reaction to the situation.  Your pulse quickens,your temperature may go up and you take more shallow quick breaths.  STOP for a moment and focus on your breathing,feel your body relax and return to normal before moving on to the next step

2) TAKE A TIME OUT.. The reason you are upset will still be there,so try to step away and calm yourself before thinking about what just set you off.

3) If you cannot take a time out,count to ten SLOWLY! it seems childish at first but once you realize the effects it has on your body and mind you won't take it for granted

4) WRITE ABOUT IT..Open up a journal or blog and write about what has upset you.  It doesn't have to make sense,feel free to ramble,scribble and VENT.  No one will see this anyway.  It is just there to diffuse your dramatic behavior that would normally occur

5)INVESTIGATE.. why you may be having such EXTREME mood swings.  Some things that can cause and mood swings are high levels of simple carbohydrates in your diet.  Cut down on the white bread,processed foods and sugar.  Exercise helps reduce STRESS! which means you will have a lower chance of flying off the handle. Sleep deprivation also increases mood swings.. Try to get plenty of rest,eat a healthier diet of fruits,vegtables and stay away from food which contains GLUTEN!  If you follow these easy steps you may find your EXTREME mood swings will decrease and you will feel much better and not get yourself PUNISHED!

            slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

I have been hearing  alot of discussion lately around BDSM web sites and blogs i have read,(Yes! i also read other people's blogs :-)), i gain alot of really reliable information with some of them i read) but anyway as i was saying i have seen alot of SUBMISSIVE BASHING (For lack of a better phrase) because to me that is just what it is.. In various blogs i have read how slave's are better then submissives because of higher protocol,rules,discipline ETC,and i totally dsagree with that.  Submissives are just as good as slave's and some even better.. They serve their Dom/Domme with the same devotion,RESPECT! loyality and LOVE as slave's serve their Master's/Mistresse's.. Submissives are intelligent,obedient,loving,caring and everything a slave is.

YES! slave's are held to a higher protocol then submissives and live a very STRICT! lifestyle with their owner but that does not mean submissives are any less OBEDIENT! Submissives chose their way of life and are very happy being SUBMISSIVE and should be proud of who and what they are..I highly RESPECT all submissive's male and female.

BDSM is not some competition where one role is better or more qualified or obedient then the other.  We are all part of a family and no matter if one is a submissive or slave,we all have our set of rules to follow and we are all special and unique in our own way.

We are already very mis-understood,and unfairly judged by our VANILLA counter parts because they lack the knowledge and education and would rather live with ASSUMPTIONS about what BDSM is instead of doing their research and finding out what BDSM really is and is not.  So let's not be judgemental toward each other. We need to show our VANILLA counterparts that we are nothing like they THINK  we are,and we live our lifestyle in the same way  they live theirs,the only difference between us is our own KINK!

Other then that,we are HUMAN BEINGS with hearts,minds,soul's,emotions,feelings and we can get hurt like anybody else can and we can feel happiness,Love,Pain.

We in the BDSM lifestyle need to BREAK the VANILLA Stereo-type of who and what we really are and prove to them we have just as much right to practice our lifestyle and activities with other CONSENTING ADULTS and we are not FREAKS,WEIRDO.S or SUB HUMAN.

Submissives are graceful,beautiful,loving,obedient and follow rules and get punished just as we slave's do,and let's not forget submissive's and slave's are equal to one another. Not better or worse.  I am very happy to be friends with submissive's male and female.  They make their Dom's/Domme's PROUD! and serve them well.  So KUDOS to all submissive's out there.  I have the highest ADMIRATION and RESPECT! for you.  I think you are all Intelligent,obedient,loving,caring People and i am honored and proud to call you FRIENDS! :-))

             slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

I want to take this opportunity to say THANK YOU to everyone who has visited my profile page.  I am humbled that you stopped by.  It doesn't matter if we ever chat or add each other to our friends's list.  I  appreciate the fact you stopped by.  It was very nice of you and i also want to say THANK YOU to all who do read my journal entries,even if you never use any of the information i post,i hope you get some knowledge by the topics i post daily.

So in closing,THANK YOU! for stopping by my profile page,i

realize that it is extensive almost like reading a short story lol but i wanted to post as much information as i felt comfortable with about me and Master_John and give you some idea of who we are as a M/s couple. :-))

Take care of yourselves and may God send His many blessings down upon you,your partner and your loving familes. and remember Ladies and Gentlemn Keep it Loving,SAFE,SANE AND CONSENSUAL and keep in mind RISK,AWARE CONSENSUAL KINK!

               ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

                        ~Worship And Obedience~

There will be moments as a slave to show your devotion,RESPECT and OBEDIENCE to Your Owner in a position of humble service.  One of the ways you can do this is with a pose of worship.  I am going to describe two basic ways you can show your OBEDIENCE and WORSHIP.

If you are interested please feel free to try your own positions of worship and obedience.

As with everything i post it is personal to each relationship and anything i post i post can be modified to suit your needs and relationship.

DISCLAIMER:Nothing i post on a daily basis means you are NOT  obligated in any way to use the information.  I just throw it out there in case anyone would be interested especially new people just entering the lifestyle,but in no way are you obligated to make use of any information i post here.  On that note i will continue with this one.

     ~Kiss Your Owner's Shoe's/Boot/s/ Feet~

This first position that i am going to discuss has many different versions that you can read about online.  The basic premise is to show worship to your Owner.  Practice this position with your Owner,let Him/Her express ways to make it better and more personal.

1) Kneel in your Owners Preferred Position

2) From this position,lower your head down near the floor at your Owner's feet

3) Clasp your hands behind your back

4) Kiss your Owner's feet/shoe's/boot's in homage and RESPECT

                         ~OBEDIENCE Bow~

When performing this position you are reaching out to the highest level of your OBEDIENCE.  You should express it in every movement into position.  Find the beauty of your slavery to bring you there.

1) Kneel before your Owner

2) Stretch your arms out in front of you on the floor with your palms facing up

3)Keep your head bowed and eyes lowered

4) Lower your body until your stomach touches the floor

5) Keep your hands out stretched until you have permission to rise

6) Remain SILENT! until your Owner permits you to speak

               ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

~Submitting In Public:How Is It Done?

Master and i are always in role even when out in public.  He is The MASTER and i am the SLAVE To Him.  So,it's with great frequency that i get asked how we stay in role especially in public or out among the VANILLA Public.  I don't know about you but when it comes to my kink,i like Master to be in control of who knows and when that reveal occurs,our M/s relationship is covert when we are not able to be completely OUT (so to speak)

It is my belief that what we do in public should look as normal to the bystander as possible.  I would hate to make anyone uncomfortable.  Master and i  have come up with ways that He can exert His control over me and no one is the wiser.

Here are some things that we do when in public that you can take and use or modify for your own relationship.

I know you and your partner will handle things differently in a public exchange and agree upon ways to engage in covert M/s before doing it.  Remember,strangers and by-standers have not consented to be a part of your lifestyle.

                                 ~Basics~

I open the door for Master,if it is a double set of doors typically i will get the first door and Master will get the second.  If we are in a higher level of protocol Master will wait for me to open the second door,also i call Master SIR in public.  Impeccable manners are required at all times when Master and i are in public.

                          ~At A Restaurant~

Many of the exchanges that occur in a restaurant can be disquised and used in a M/s relationship with great success.

Master will order food and beverages for the both of us to His specifications. I rarely interact with the waiter/waitress or staff.  It is His job to get refills and make sure our food arrives correctly. (Many other M/s relationships it is the slave who does the ordering not the Owner)

Master handles all the finances and all money transactions,this means Master pays for our meals and how well the waiter/waitress should be tipped.

I ask Master if i may have a beverage other than water,most of the time i remember to do this before the waiter/waitress ask's for drink orders,but if i forget i rephrase the request to DO YOU THINK I SHOULD HAVE A DIET SODA INSTEAD OF WATER? Instead of MAY I HAVE A DIET SODA?

                                   ~Shopping~

It is rare that Master will go shopping with me,but on those occasions i have a few bits of protocol that i have to follow

I always walk slightly behind Him on His left side.  All purchases must be approved by Him.  This includes impulse buys like candy bars and soft drinks

There is so much more that will eventually be added to my protocol i am sure.  Master and i both enjoy it and i am sure you and your Owner will as well.

              slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

I have been told numerous times that i am not a REAL slave because i do not enjoy PAIN,and that REAL slave's want it,crave it and desire it,and that i am really a SUBMISSIVE! and i should change my status.

I RESPECT the opinions of others but i highly disagree. Just because i am not a PAIN SLUT or a MASOCHIST does not mean i am not a SLAVE because that is a FALSE STATEMENT.  One can be a SLAVE and not enjoy PAIN.  i have a few friends of mine in REAL LIFE who are slave's NOT submissive's who do not enjoy PAIN.  I must be doing something right or Master would have released me years ago.

My relationship with Master is NOT A D/s one it is a 100% APE/TPE M/s relationship.  I am held to a very high standard and i have STRICT rules i must follow on a daily basis..  Nothing is about ME everything is about Master and how i can serve Him and make HIm happy.  I ask permission to do everything in my life and i discussed this in a previous journal entry.  When i am home for the majority of the time i am in HIGH PROTOCOL which simply means that for about 90% of my life is SLAVERY! the other 10% is our VANILLA romantic relationship.

I DO NOT ENJOY PAIN! but Master knew this 11 years ago when we first met face to face.  I was totally open and honest with Him.  I told Him what i was looking for in a M/s relationship and a Master,i Discussed my limits safe words (which i use only because of physical health issues) and i was straight forward with Master as He was with me.

He still accepted me as His fulltime 24/7 SLAVE! not SUBMISSIVE!  When Master PUNISHES Me then YES! there is PAIN but punishments are not meant to be enjoyable they are to teach and correct bad behavior,disobedience and dis respect.  Do i enjoy it? ABSOLUTELY NOT! It hurts like HELL! and i do cry however,i accept my punishment with grace and dignity because i know whatever i did wrong deserved CORPORAL PUNISHMENT!  Depending on my infraction my punishments may be totally physical or they are also mental and emotional which for me hurts me more than any flogger could.  Master decides what punishment he administers to me,but the punishments fits the offence/infraction and when it's over it's OVER and we move forward.

I am A SLAVE in every sence of the word,and though PAIN is not in my daily life except for PUNISHMENT does not make me a SUBMISSIVE! because a SUBMISSIVE is not what i am.  My life is not my own.  Master is kind enough to let me voice my opinions and any issue i may have or problem and He does listen but He makes the final decision in everything.  I do not question Him i just accept it,even though i may not think He is always right.. I do as i am told 24/7 and i give 110% of myself and my slavery to Master,because it is what i want,desire,crave and enjoy.

                 ~slave_brenda/slave_to-Master_John~

              ~A Grand Apology Position~

Today's task is to learn an appropriate pose to take when apologizing for a infraction (Wrong Doing)

The position is hopefully one you don't have to do but since we are all HUMAN and make mistkes.  It's going to happen.  I have had my share of mistakes/infractions in the 11 years i have been serving Master. (More Than I Should) that has landed me over His lap,standing in a corner,confined to my punishment cage for 24 hours.  This position would certainly be helpful for me in my need to be forgiven by Master.

How do you want to appear when asking forgiveness?  Would you prefer standing or kneeling?  What would your Owner want from you?

                         ~Try This Position~

1) Kneel before your Owner,eyes lowered,head bowed,hands resting on your thighs with palms facing up

2) Express your sincere apology in a clear and concise voice

3) Stay in that position until your Owner gives you permission to move

Another alternative to this position is to lay flat on your back with your hands extended in front of you,this may be best done when no vocal apology is required or your Owner has plans for PUNISHMENT that requires your immobility.

Tomorrow I will  be discussing SUBMITTING IN PUBLIC and how it is done discretely.

              ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

            ~A Dedication To My Master~

We have shared so much since we have been together,our plans,our work,our fun and every day i have found new reasons to LOVE You.  Even the challenges we have faced have made me realize how STRONG our relationship is and how much happiness You have broughty to my life,and i want You to know my Beloved Master i will only LOVE You more as the years go by.

Your name is the first thing i mention each time i count my blessings because that is what you are to me.  You fill my life with happiness,my heart with LOVE and of all life's blessings there is none that will ever mean more to me than YOU!

 ~Your Obedient,Loyal,Devoted,Faithful Slave

                        {{{{{{{Hugs You}}}}}}}}}

~My Top 23 Deal Breakers That May Be Preventing Your ONE From Approaching You~

PLEASE NOTE: That some of these  are my thoughts,but not all of them.  The things i used for this list were echoed more than once by other people i have talked with.  The answers are not meant to offend anyone.  I am sharing them to help people who seek their ONE

So here they are,my TOP 23 Deal Breakers

1) Someone who does not RESPECT another's boundaries and/or who does not clearly lay out their boundaries

2) Someone who does not want to RESPECT a SAFE WORD or SAFE ACTION for what ever their reason or EXCUSE

3) Someone who plays while intoxicated or angry

4) Someone who TOPS FROM THE BOTTOM or is a BRAT/S.A.M. (Smart ASS Masochist)

5) Someone who neglects to maintain good personal hygiene and/or a clean home/living space

6) Someone who does not want to use protective measures or wants to try edge play without proper training

7) Someone who is inconsistent with pre-negotiated agreements and/or does not abide by them

8) Someone with a BAD ATTITUDE,COCKY,DIVA,DRAMA-QUEEN,WHINER ETC or who has an over bearing personality or HOLIER THEN THOU ATTITUDE

9) Someone who lacks a sense of humor

10) Someone who lacks emotional maturity (I.E. Taking things personally and not being responsibile for their words and/or actions

11) Someone with an addiction (Illicit or prescribed drugs,alcohol,gambling,internet,porn ETC)

12) Someone who is CRUEL,VIOLENT AND/OR ABUSICVE

13) Someone who uses vulgar/profane language constantly

14) Someone who lacks RESPECT for themselves and/or others

15) Someone who is a LIAR and/or is DISHONEST in other ways and/or BACK STABBING and/or GOSSIPY

16) Someone who brags about who they previously had a scene/session with or who they talked to ETC.  Mild name dropping is one thing but when you make a habit of it,it makes things feel competitive

17) Someone who exhibits any form of passive/aggressive behavior

18) Someone who is LAZY

19) Someone who creates or takes advantage of situations to force another to allow hard limit activities

20) Someone who does not agree that  a person should always have a SAFE PLACE/TIME to be able to talk about their wants and needs in the relationship

21) Someone who stops you from doing things that are healthy for you and make you feel empowered/help you to be a stronger person

22) A sub/slave who is a puppet with no initiative,motivation or creativity and who must be instructed every minute of the day

23) Someone who lacks communication skills which are VITAL for a successful Relationship.

             ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

                 ~TRUST Is a 5 Letter Word~

If you ask someone what the foundation of any relationship is they are likely to say COMMUNICATION,COMPROMISE AND TRUST.  I am going to talk about TRUST,The word is thrown around alot but many sub's/slave's i have talked to have issues with TRUST and how that works in a D/s and M/s relationship.

What is TRUST?  As i like to  do,i will start with the dicionary definition

Reliance on the integrity,ability,surety ETC of a person or thing,confidence

A D/s or M/s relationship with a basis on TRUST has alot of responsibility for both parties to uphold.  HONESTY is a form of TRUST and the most common violation of that TRUST that i have encountered in my time as a slave and talking with others.

New relationships are hard to establish and adding BDSM to the mix is just as difficult.  While i STRONGLY believe that all relationships should have TRUST  I know that VANILLA relationships form more readily with TRUST.  It's just not acceptable in a D/s and M/s relationship.  The confidence you feel in someone who is going to tie you up and give you some form of PAIN and TORTURE to derive pleasure should not waiver EVER!!

Imagine  for a moment that you are at an old rickety looking carnival, the ferris wheel is your favorite ride but as you approach you notice alot of rusty bolts,shakiness and poorly kept supports.  The carny assures you that everything is safe and sound,But what do you think is nagging you in the back of your mind? would you get on the ferris wheel or would you turn around and try your luck winning a GIANT stuffed tiger instead?

If i know you and i think i do,you would pick the tiger.  You want to have no doubt that things will be safe and secure with the person you have chosen to be vulnerable with.

How many times have you thought,do i really TRUST Him/Her?  The things that mke you question it will be what might be the down fall if you don't find some re-affirmation that the instability is false.

How do you know you can TRUST your partner?

Actions SCREAM louder than words.  We all know that you can say whatever someone wants to hear (also known as SUGAR COATING) something i REFUSE to do with anyone!  But do  their actions and behaviors back up what they have said? or do they leave you questioning their intent?  To know the REAL truth behind someone watch them for a few weeks and see if they have REPEAT  behaviors or actions that support what they have been saying to you.  Are they consistent?

I Know that there are life experiences that can compromise your TRUST and comfort in another person.  Recovering that TRUST can be difficult if not impossible.  In many situations i do not suggest you accept someone who has broken your TRUST into your confidence again every single time.  TRUST applies to The Dom/Master Domme/Mistress as well.  They should be able to TRUST you just as much as you TRUST Them.  Keep yourself HONEST and STRAIGHT FORWARD,build your confidence and reliability,be an example of what TRUST means.

              ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

I am Annoyed by Male Dominants messageing me professing how happy they could make me and proceed to call me a SLUT,BITCH ETC thinking it is what i want and enjoy!!. I don't WANT it and i don't ENJOY it. The only Master who has that right to VERBALLY HUMILIATE me is Master_John (MY MASTER) and i do not appreciate other Male Dominants DISRESPECTING me nor my Master.  Apparently they have not read my extensive profile because if they did they would know i am owned and collared for 11 years and have no interest in any other MASTER.  I will ask all MALE DOMINANTS very politely to PLEASE! not message me with this HOLIER THEN THOU ATTITUDE Verbally humiliaitng me and assumeing i want it and enjoy it,because I DO NOT! I enjoy it and want it from 1 MASTER ONLY! and if other MALE DOMINANTS attempt to do so it does absolutely nothing for me except ANNOY ME!  I do not serve any/every  MALE DOMINANT! i serve 1 and 1 ONLY so PLEASE! do not continue to DISRESPECT me nor Master_John and do not ASSUME it is what i want,need or enjoy because when you ASSUME! you just make an ASS OUT OF YOU AND ME! Thank you for your time on this important issue..

              ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

~A Reflection Of Your Owner,Or Are You?~

I have heard this numerous times and i am sure i am not the only one.  Kind,good-intentioned people say that sub's/slave's should be on their best behavior because they are a reflection of the ONE who owns them.  The personal responsibility of the sub/slave is all of a sudden not taken into account

I am not arguing the fact that bad behavior can look poorly on the Owner in the relationship but it does not give any responsibility to the sub/slave.  Last time i looked we were ADULTS first and if you can't act like one then that's all on YOU! not the person who is trying to mold you into someone that can serve them.

If i am rude or have bad behavior around others as a child then of course it reflects poorly on my parents and their ability to teach me proper  manners and proper behavior.  This of course is where i think the belief that the Dom/Master Domme/Mistress is that reflection,i don't know about you but i don't equate my Master as my parent

He is my partner,my Owner and my Love. I don't lose personal responsibility or maturity just because i am in a M/s relationship.  I don't suddenly become childish in my need to behave well

YES! i feel that in BDSM related events where there might be a level of protocol no matter how casual that my behavior is being watched as an example of how my Master leads me.  If i come into the relationship with a higher level of appropriate behavior and politeness this can look good on my Master too.  Even though He never taught or trained it to me.

Therefore,these well meaning people who say that they are a reflection of their Owner are only half right.  You are a reflection of EVERYONE who ever influenced you. Your parents,Your teachers,and Your role models.. You should be looked at as a sub/slave not just as  a reflection of your Owner

Does it work the other way too?

What if a Dom/Master Domme/Mistress has poor behavior or is rude?  Does this look bad on the sub/slave? Unfortunately using my own experience i would say YES! it does.  Think about it for a moment,if you see a couple and the Owner is being rude,do you make a snap judgement that the sub/slave could be rude as well?  I know in my situation and i am not proud of it,i would consider the couple to be HORRID! People and would not associate with them just on that one instance.  Let's make a point to be the BEST reflection of ourselves at all times.  It shows well for us as HUMAN BEINGS not just a good behaved sub/slave or a polite Owner.  You are not only an example of what kind of Dom/Master Domme/Mistress owns You,you are yourself and need to take personal responsibility for your own behavior and actions.

              slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

I have been asked recently if BDSM is all Master and i  have in common,and the answer is NO! Master and i have more in common then just BDSM.  If that is all we did have in common the relationship would become very boring very fast.. Master and i are compatable in many areas of our VANILLA  Live's such as food Master and i enjoy italian,American except for one thing Master is a diabetic and i am not,so i have to be very careful what i buy Him when i shop.  Master and i like the same movies especially HORROR MOVIES. The EXORCIST is one of our all time FAVORITE! LOVE IT! :-)) We also enjoy simple activities together such as a long drive,holding hands snuggling on the couch intimate romantic dinners.  Master and i enjoy talking endlessly about anything,everything and really nothing at all.  We enjoy each other's company and LOVE each other very much.

 However,when it does come to our M/s relationship  i am held to a higher standard and protocol is enforced 100%. When i am in that high protocol i am His SLAVE nothing more. There is no Honey,Sweetheart,Baby ETC It is YES MASTER!! and He refers to me as SLAVE only!  There is no I LOVE YOU! it is DO A YOU ARE TOLD SLAVE!! but you have to remember,this is what i was seeking 11  years ago.

I wanted the best of both worlds and i have that with Master.  He knows me better then anyone else.  He knows my inner fantasies in the most intimate details. I tell Master things i would NEVER! tell anyone else..Master and i are bonded and connected on all levels.Emotionally,Physically,Mentally and Spiritually. I know there is no such thing as the PERFECT! Master,but Master is PERFECT To and for me and we are happy together and our relationship,and isn't that what really counts? :-))

                ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

                   ~What It Means To Be Collared~

What does it mean to be collared?  It can mean many things to many different people.  For some it is a new beginning in a journey,for others it is a step in the training process,it all depends on the Owner you are with.  For every Master/Mistress has a different way of doing things.

There is some common ground though when it comes to protocol

A collar is given by a Master/Mistress and is received by the slave

The collar remains the property of the Master/Mistress and should be given back in the event the relationship ends.

A collar and the slave wearing it should be treated with RESPECT!

A collared slave should be considered OFF LIMITS to other Master's/Mistress'es

A collar should be treated with RESPECT at all times,IT IS NOT A TOY!

A collar should only be removed by the Master/Mistress at the end of the rellationship

How Does One Get To The Point Of Being Collared?

This is probably one of the more confusng things for a slave to understand because there is no clear cut answer.  There is not a formula one can use and to some may not even use what we commonly think of as a COLLAR,but rather a definitive mark such as a piercing ot tattoo or even a piece of jewelry

Many in the lifestyle take months or even years to come to this point in their journey.  It is certainly not something to be rushed into.  For many people in the lifestyle it is considered to be a bond greater than that of marriage.  Would you rush into a marriage without knowing anything about the person you are marrying? I truly hope that the answer is NO!

 A collar is not something you collect,it has definite meaning to both the Master/Mistress and slave.  It is something to be cherished and respected just like any other type of union.  I would even go as far to say it is SACRED

I have been fortunate to wear a collar in my M/s relationship with Master.  It was never something i rushed into and it was always something that i had EARNED the right to wear.

How Does One Earn The Right?

This is probably a confusing concept for some slave's because of what is commonly known as a VELCRO COLLAR.  A VELCRO COLLAR really has no true meaning behind it and is given and taken away on whim.  Many would argue (including myself) that it cheapens what a true collar means. I Say this because it is not EARNED in any traditional sense it is just handed over like a piece of paper with no meaning or value

Whether or not there is a ceremony is up to both parties,usually in my experience it is a private affair but sometimes it is witnessed by close friends.  It is a salemn occasion and one to be taken with seriousness.  There is no RIGHT or WRONG way to it,although sometimes it is followed by a party.  The most important thing to remember in all of this is that it is something that you should treasure.  A collar symbolizes your commitment and quite often your LOVE to the Owner.  Why else would you wear it?  This is truly the best part..

              ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

       ~The Disposable Relationship Mentality~

I have been witness to a shocking new trend in relationships lately,perhaps i am old fashioned but what i am seeing in today's society and not just the BDSM culture is the lack of effort in relationships.

As i was raised and taught that something worth while was not always easy to acheive and you may have failed but i did not give up and worked very hard to make it work before admitting defeat.  The same goes for my current relationship with Master.  It takes work.

Now i am not saying that you should give every relationship a fighting chance because i know some relationships are rushed into and that leads to the lack of desire and is distructively over all bad for you.  These are not the relationships i am talking about.  What i mean by DISPOSABLE RELATIONSHIPS are relationships that everyone has to experience to know what a good relationship looks like.

Here is an example of what i am talking about

Recently,Master and i have been going through a rough patch,things have sinced cleared up so there is no need for me to worry.  I received recommendations from people that barely know Master and myself and were stating along the lines of the DISPOSABLE RELATIONSHIP MENTALITY.

Below are a few comments that were made which to me was totally IGNORANT because the people who made these comments don't know Master or myself and the life we live together or the deep LOVE and RESPECT we have for one another.

OH WELL,YOU HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR SO LONG,MAYBE YOU AREN'T COMPATIBLE AND SHOULD CONSIDER MOVING ON

IF YOU ARE HAVING PROBLEMS THEN PERHAPS HE ISN'T THE RIGHT GUY FOR YOU,GET OUT WHILE YOU ARE STILL YOUNG

I WOULD TOSS HIM TO THE CURB

All of these really had me shocked.  It's not like i was BEGGING! for happiness in our relationship.  I was just voicing my frustrations with the current dilema.  Master and i work very hard at our 11 year relationship.  We have very open and honest communication between us on a regular basis to talk about EVERYTHING.  We have no secrets between us.  We are the most openly communicative couple i have ever seen.  We don't give up because deep inside the love for each other is worth keeping.

I see the advice we tend to give peple online and offline that we barely know,we jump to the conclusion that their relationship is doomed and tell them 9 times out of 10 that the Man or Woman is  just is not worth it and they need to let them go and move on.  We do this without hearing all the facts and the other side.  We fail to ask questions or even try to understand where this issue came from that they are asking advice on.

Why Do We Do This?

The DISPOSABLE RELATIONSHIP MENTALITY is alot like our DISPOSABLE NATURE with EVERYTHING else.  We throw everything away,Quality has taken a back seat to convenience and cost.  We dismiss issues with a relationship as BROKEN GOODS and we just let them loose to try and find someone else that won't break,of course when that one does as well we start HATING relationships all together.

There is no effort anymore.  Do you think a relationship will blossom if the two or more people involved don't work at it?? OF COURSE NOT! how hard are you working in your relationship to make it work to your satisfaction?

How about your current relationship? Is it like that toaster you have to keep replacing every few years because it stops toasting correctly? or is it that cherished family heirloom that you take great care in keeping BEAUTIFUL and SHINING for all to see?

              ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

~Are You A Dom/Master-(A Quesionaire)~

If you are not sure  whether you are a Dom/Master or think that you are but are hesitant to declare yourself because of lack of experience,the following may help you.

Please feel  free to copy this and review these questions at your own convenience.

First,The Basic Questions To Ask Yourself

10 Do you like to be in control in your daily life? It is unimportant whether you are actually in a position to be in control,the real test is would you like to be?

2) Do you consider yourself to be fair? when in the DOMINANT position in a D/s or M/s relationship?  It is important that you be able to set aside your own EGO long enough to really listen to your sub/slave when she voices her opinion especially if it is in disagreement since the Dom/Master makes the final decision,the  relationship will not last long unless that decision can be a fair one.

3) Do you consider yourself to be honest?  A sub/slave can truly please you only if you are able to be honest about what it is that will please you.  Your sub/slave is not a mind reader,if you hide the most important thing about yourself your relationship will fail before it even begins.

4) Do your erotic fantasies often center around physically controlling your partner? Although some Dom's/Master's do not have these fantasies.  Don't be concerned if your fantasies seem extreme most can be fulfilled at least to some degree with proper planning and communication

5) Does the idea of being the sub/slave make you uncomfortable?

I Hope these question may help you in your confusion. With knowledge and experience you can be a very good Dom/Master...Good Luck in Your Journey.

          slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

In my 11 years of servitude to Master i have noticed more and more emphisis  placed on appearance as if having a GREAT BODY makes you more of a SUBMIISVE or SLAVE! I Went over this a while ago but no matter if Master and i are at a munch,some type of BDSM event or even online i have noticed so many people in this lifestyle who are very SHALLOW! not every female sub/slave can be BARBIE and not every male sub/slave can be KEN! though some of us including myself sometimes wish we could be.. I am not saying that we should all be 400 pounds and still think that we would be able to serve the way a Dom/Master  Domme/Mistres would like us to serve them,it is more of a health issue not appearance,YES! Having a GREAT Body would be nice but that alone dos not define who we are as a sub/slave

What define's us as sub's/slave's is our comprehenson of this lifestyle,our experience and knowledge and grasping the D/s and M/s dynamic of the relationship.  I can honsetly say i have seen some pretty RUDE,DISRESPECTFUL MEAN AND CRUEL so called HOT! sub's/slave's walking around with this HOLIER THEN THOU ATTITUDE thinking they can be the PERFECT! sub/slave because they have a HOT BODY! when in reality they would not know how to serve if they were standing right in front of a Dom/Master  Domme/Mistress but because they look great  they think  are the PERFECT sub/slave regardless of their qualifications,experiience,or knowledge of this beautiful lifestyle.

What they are really accomplishing is making themselves look like a total ASS! and causing a scene (no pun intended) They walk around the room being the center of attention when most of the Dom/s/Master's  Domme's/Mistress'es Pay absolutely no attention to them because they are embarrassing themselves and every body else in the room.

I have been over weight all my life and i know first hand how CRUEL,MEAN and ROTTEN people can be toward over weight people.  It hurts so much because we want people to see past our appearance and get to know us for who we really are inside which is a good,intelligent,kind,person,but alot of people are to SHALLOW to look past the appearance of someone. 

When i met Master i was 250 pounds and i was in an abusive VANILLA RELATIONSHIP for 5 years for i know what it is like to be told on a daily basis how FAT,UGLY,STUPID i am and when someone hears those words enough they start to beleive it themselves and that is exactly what happened to me. I had a very low self esteem and self worth and i thought Master would not and could not love me or want me as His slave because i was FAT,UGLY AND STUPID! which was Totally UNTRUE!

Master did want me and He saw past my appearance and saw the kind of woman/slave i really was. Loyal,devoted,faithful and had some knowledge of BDSM Due to my own resarch.  Master help me lose 100 pounds and was always supportive and encouraged me and told me how well i was doing and how proud He was of me,and the more positive reinforcement Master gave me the more i started to feel good about myself and i had motivation to lose my weight,but i did not lose the weight for Master or anybody else i lost the weight for ME! i wanted to start feeling better and yes looking nicer was a HUGE EGO boost for me but it was NOT! the most important aspect of losing weight for me. 

My point is Master loved me and wanted even when i was 250 pounds because appearance did not matter to Him but my health did.

The next time you happen to meet someone who is overweight and looks like they could use a friend befriend them,talk to them,you will be amazed how much knowledge and experience they have as a sub/slave and this applies to Male sub's/slave's as well,Don't make fun of them,and hurt them by CRUEL,MEAN words,Be kind to them and see past their appearance.  We are all unique and special in our own way and appearance does not define who and what we are.  Treat others as you would like to be treated.God Bless All of you,be kind to one another,May Peace,Love,Contentment,Happiness and Joy Be with you always. :-))

               ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

                   ~Starting A Journal~

Just exactly what is a sub/slave journal? and should every sub/slave keep one are 2 questions i am frequently asked.  Answering the latter question first, A simple answer YES! Every sub/slave should keep a written account of the things he/she learns and experiences including emotions and inner thoughts.  As you read this i think it will become apparent why this is so to understand why you need to keep this record.  You need to understand a little what a journal is and what it's used for.

Generally speaking a sub's/slave's journal should be kept up daily.  It can include minute details of every action,thought,emotion ETC the sub/slave had through out a single day or it can just encompass those times the sub/slave needs to clear some thoughts from his/her mind and heart.  Unless your Dom/Master  Domme/Mistress instructed you otherwise there really is not a standard format for your entries.  It can consist of multiple bullet type entries or it can be more of a narrative style

Do not worry about being grammatically PERFECT or having the punctuction text book accurate,concentrate more on what you write making sure you include all of the feelings or thoughts you are having about the lifestyle.  Don't forget this is also your emotions or concerns with your Dom/Master  Domme/Mistress.

A sub's/slave's journal (if done properly) is a very personal thing,it's not meant to be shared with anyone except your Dom/Master  Domme/Mistress.  Always be honest and open with yourself in your journal,don't try holding things back and don't try writing what you think your Dom/Master  Domme/Mistress wants to hear.  This record is your place to express yourself without any fear or concern of retribution or punishment from your Dom/Master  Domme/Mistress.Both You And Your Dom/Master Domme/Mistress use your journal as a tool to monitor your growth within the lifestyle

             ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

I have been asked if i see any submissives or slave's on Master's page if i will get JEALOUS or angry,and my answer is NO! if Master is seeking submissive women and switch women then that is His business not mine,He has a right to talk to anyone He wants,and if He want's more online sub's/slave's again it is not my business nor my place to question Him.  I am very secure in our relationship and i am nor ever have been JEALOUS! What ever He does with other sub's/slave's is His personal business and i do not interfere,so if Master decides to add female sub's/slave's that is His right. It is not my place to interfere.  Master has another REAL LIFE slave as i stated in my profile who is a MASOCHIST and sees on a regular basis and has 4 online slave's. JEALOUSY to me is a sign of insecurity,low self esteem,Not Trusting Your Owner And low  self worth.  I have a healthy good self eteem and self worth and i TRUST Master with my life,heart,body,mind and soul,so if Master has other online sub's slave's then that is fine with me.It is His right to do so.

              ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

~Submissive And Slave,My Personal View~

So what is a submissive? this is where it gets tricky because the line between submissive and slave is rather fine and blurs alot.  People often use SUBMISSIVE AND SLAVE interchangrably but they are NOT the same thing

A submissive is someone who still retains some control,but is in service to someone else.  They have the right to say NO and walk away,they have limits,and have choices but they are NOT Owned

A slave like myself is OWNED,some slave's have safe words and some do not.  Some slave's have negotiated limits,some do not. Some slave's like myself have given up their rights to leave or consented to having it taken from them,some retain the right to walk out the door whenever they choose (I am not one of those slave's)

Legally we all have the right,some of us just choose not to acknowledge it,however a slave has the right to walk away if the relationship becomes ABUSIVE! but that is really the only time.

A slave is some one without limits except the limits their Owner establishes for them.  Slave's do not have safe words and the reason for that is because they have been with their Owner for a very long period of time and TRUST Him/Her with their lives,and the Owner knows their slave well enough to know how far to push their slave and when the scene/session has to end.  There is mutual TRUST between the Owner and the slave.

In a newly forming M/s relationship a slave should always have a SAFE WORD and SAFE ACTION until they get to know their Owner better and have developed the TRUST necessary not to use them anymore.

SAFE WORDS and SAFE ACTIONS are there as a safety net for both the Owner and the slave in the beginning of a M/s relationship,however i know a few couples who still use SAFE WORDS and SAFE ACTIONS even though they have been together for many years. I Have A SAFE WORD and SAFE ACTION as well and i have been with Master 11 years,but the only reason for having a SAFE WORD and SAFE ACTION as far as i am concerned is for physical health issues i have.  Master is very good at reading me,He watches how my body responds to His touch.During a scene/session Master always checks in with me to see if i am ok or He give's me His BEAUTIFUL hand and will ask me if i want Him to continue with the scene or not, If i squeeze His hand 2 times that means i am ok and He may continue,if i squeeze His hand 1 time it means i have a problem and the scene/session needs to stop. 

Let me tell you the difference between a SUBMISSIVE and SLAVE in a few brief sentences.Simple,Fast and Accurate

A submissive is Someone who submits willingly,sometimes on a case by case basis to the will of another

A slave is someone who is completely,unconditionally 100% OWNED and controlled by another.  It is a APE/TPE

Submissive's SUBMIT! slave's OBEY!

                  ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

I Have A Public Announcement

I am very happy to inform everyone my Master has been added to my friends list,the love of my life,if you look at my friends list you will see EXTREMEMASTER60 He is my Beloved SEXY Sweetest Master whom i will forever serve.He is my Darling. He added me so i may send Him PRIVATE messages  infact He has insisted on it so when He is not busy in His office He will read them,i LOVE Him so much.  I am humbled and PROUD! to be owned and collared to Him and share His life and home with Him. He excites me and stimulates my mind as well as my body.

I LOVE YOU MASTER! and THANK YOU FOR YOU! Muah,Muah,Muah,Muah. I will see You when You arrive Home later this afternoon and i will be waiting on my knees,blindfolded and gagged per Your orders at the  door.{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS my Master}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} so so so so tight!! :-))

            ~Building A Training Resume~

A Training Resume is just another name for a folder where you are going to start keeping your list  of training achieved.  It all begins with the basic information that a Dom/Master  Domme/Mistress will request of a sub/slave when they are first getting to know them.  This is known as a BASIC PROFILE.  PERSONAL BASIC PROFILES are a great way to distill information in an interesting and digestible form.  The process to writing a personal profile is to intrique the reader about the person it is written about.

Be concise and condense,No One needs to know EVERYTHING in every small detail about you in a profile.  Try to say it in as few words as possible.

1) Choose your adjective's,use a thesaurus if you need to.  Find words that clearly state what you want to say.

2) Choose specific terms.  I LIKE SPORTS is not nearly as clear as stating I LIKE FOOTBALL.  Make sure you express yourself completely

3) Write in outline format.  Outline format is easier to follow and give a good description what you are like.

4) Present a 3D image of yourself,don't just focus on a few aspects of your life

5) BE HONEST! DON'T LIE OR EXAGGERTE!

6) Take PRIDE in who you are,use postitive words but don't BRAG!

Here is some information you may want to include

Personality (Choose 3 Power Words)

Likes/Dislikes

Food

Entertainment

Activities

Hobbies

Music

Family Life

Education

Religion/Spirituality/Beliefs

Causes You Are Active In

Living Situation

Environment

Pet Peeves ( You can learn alot about a person on this issue alone)

Goals/Dreams/Plans

Professional/Personal

Travel

Hope To Accomplish

Family Structure Or Size(I.E. Would you like to have kids? if so how many?)

Unusual Experience (I.E. Worked in the peace corps in sudan,went to germany to attend college,survived a natural disaster,met a famous person,home schooled my kids ETC)

What Is Important To You ( I.E. saving money to help the needy or protect the environment or animals ETC)

Talent Or Skills

Artistic

Sports

Drama

Groups Or affiliations Or Online Communities You Belong To (Another good way to learn about some one)

Once you get these basics together you can start developing your training resume. GOOD LUCK AND HAVE FUN! :-))

       ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

I have developed a CODE OF ETHICS for myself to help give me long term goals and a focus.  I feel it will bring about change in me that perhaps i cannot see yet.   I thought i would share it with all of you so that you can perhaps get some ideas for developing your own CODE OF ETHICS

What is A CODE OF ETHICS? Some of you might be asking yourself

A CODE OF ETHICS is a guideline of what is acceptable behavior in a chosen area of life (Usually work) Personal CODE OF ETHICS are written to help focus a person in their life.  They are a daily reminder of who they are and what they believe

                          ~MY CODE OF ETHICS~

For Myself

I will endeavor to express my needs and desires openly with Master without fear of reaction or consequences

I will take great care about my appearance as it always reflects on Master even in VANILLA settings where people do not know the dynamic exists

I will remain healthy,It is very important to the health of our relationship.  I will continue to work towards keeping my weight down and sticking to my goal of 150 pounds (from 250 pounds)

I will find beauty in serving Master in even the smallest things

Seeking guidance from more experienced slave's is acceptable when no answer can be found else where

           ~My Code Of Ethics For Master~

My body is not my own and i will offer it to Master as frequently as i can for His Pleasure and sexual needs whatever they may be.

Master's needs are priority and i will strive to ensure His desires are met in an appropriate and timely manner

I will continue to work hard towards learning and making habit the rules that Master set's out for me

I promise to work hard at improving my home care so that Master's home is always inviting for surprise guests and our comfort

Try It!.Take  a moment today to try and write a few code statements of your own.  They don't have to be perfect.  This is a rough draft,then when you have it all perfected add this to a sub/slave training resume,which i will explain in a future post. HAVE A GREAT DAY EVERYONE! God Bless and remember to always keep it loving and SAFE,SANE AND CONSENSUAL.  :-))

                    ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

I

I want to share something with all of you that was sent to me in a email,all of the statements were made  by children and they are PRECIOUS! GOD BLESS CHILDREN! ;-)) I think you will agree when you read these and i will type the words EXACTLY as they  have written it :-)) They are the cutest.

Dear God,

I went to this wedding and they kissed right in church,is that ok?.. Neil

Dear God,

instead of letting people die and having to make new ones,why don't you just keep the ones you got now?..Jane

Dear God,

i think the stapler is one of your greatest invention..Ruth.M

Dear God,

in bible times,did they really talk that fancy?..Jennifer

Dear God,

 i think about you sometimes even when i'm not praying..Elliott

Dear God,

i am american,what are you?.. Robert

Dear God,

i bet it is kery hard to love all of everybody in the whole world,there are only 4 people in our family and i can never do it.  Nan

Dear God,

please put another holiday between christmans and easter there is nothing good in there now..Ginny

Dear God,

if you watch in church on sunday,i will show you my new shoes.. Mickey D

Dear God,

if we come back as something,please don't let me be jennifer horton because i hate her..Denise

 Dear God,

maybe cain and able would not kill so much if they had their own rooms,it works with my brother..Larry

Dear God,

If you give me genie lamp like alladin,i will give you anything you want except my money or my chess set.. Raphael

Dear God,

We read thos-edison made light but in sun school they said you did it so i bet he stoled your idea.. Sincerely,Donna

Dear God,

If you let the dinasor not exstinct we would not have a country,you did the right thing.. Jonathan

Dear God,

Please send dennis clark to a different camp this year.. Peter

Dear God,

Thank you for the baby brother,but what i prayed for was a puppy.. Joyce

Children are God's greatest gift to a Parent.

            slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

               ~Starting A Life Mission Statement~

Just like a business mission statement a life mission statement helps to define who you are,where you are going and how you want to get there.  Becoming the best sub/slave you can be.  There is no denying that a mission statement can help you learn and grow and can help with your determination and strive to continue to improve and grow in life.

 A Life mission statement is a way of saying THESE ARE MY GOALS AND CODE OF CONDUCT FOR HOW I WANT TO LIVE MY LIFE.  There is no RIGHT or WRONG way to write one but there are several steps that can bring you to a workable statement that will help give you focus and direction to your life.

What is the purpose of writing one of these as a sub/slave? EVERYTHING!

One of the most common occurances in life is that people forget where they are heading or what makes them a good person.  Having and receiving a mission statement will serve as your reminder or your plans and goals in life.  Your mission statement needs only to remind you of the person you wish to be and how you plan to succeed and what values and beliefs you strongly believe in.

~HOW TO WRITE A PERSONAL MISSION STATEMENT~

Idealy, a personal mission staement is 1 to 2 paragraphs long. However, it can be as brief or as detailed as you want it to be.  I have also wrote a personal code of ethics that i will share with all of you in my next post tomorrow.  It took alot of soul searching to be able to detail exactly how i wanted to live my life and what beliefs and values i STRONGLY believe in to my own success at life.  A personal mission statement is in essence a summary of the code of ethics,try not to include what other's want you to do or who they want you to be.  Focus on what you want for yourself.STEP 1- IDENTIFY GOAL- Spend some time thinking about your priorities in life and the goals you have for yourself.  Make a list of your personal goals,perhaps in the short term (up to 3 years) and the long term (beyond 3 years)

STEP 2- INDENTIFY PAST SUCCESSES- Spend some time thinking of 4 or 5 instances in your life where you have had personal success.  These can be in your job,your relationships,community or at home,write them down.  Are there any themes or commonality in these successes?

STEP 3-IDENTIFY YOUR CORE VALUES- What is important to you?  Develop a list of attributes that describe who you are as a sub/slave and what your priorities are.  This list can be as long as you need it to be.  Once your list is complete,see if you can narrow your values to 5 or 6 most important values.  Finally, see if you can choose the 1 value that is most important to you.

STEP 4 IDENTIFY CONTRIBUTIONS- List ways that you can make a difference in your Owner's life,your life,the community in which you live,or the world in general.  Some type of charity work

STEP 5- WRITE YOUR MISSION STATEMENT-Using the previous 4 steps,develop and create a statement that speaks to who you are and who you wish to be.

FINAL THOUGHTS- A personal mission statement is just that PERSONAL! but i recommend you share it with at least 1 other person close to you who you TRUST and get honest feed back on it

Remember Ladies and Gentlemen a mission statement is not meant to be permanent and unchanged.  Take time every year or so and review it and change it as you change,just as you ae becoming a better sub/slave and HUMAN BEING

           ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

                           ~Consensual~

                        ~The Simple Rules~

1) Do NOT play with people who can't be held legally responsible for their own actions

2) Know what your partner's limits are

3) Make sure your partner has a way to indicate that they withdraw their consent if they change their mind during the scene/session (SAFE WORD AND/OR SAFE ACTION)

4) If you are about to do an action to a sub/slave which they would have no chance to indicate their lack of consent to before it happened and there is doubt they might not consent to ASK! them beforehand to indicate their consent EXPLICITLY!

5) If at any time your partner while in a SANE state of mind indicates he/she does not consent to your doing an action to them or that he/she has withdrawn consent they gave previously DO NOT DO IT!

6) If your partner is not in a SANE state of mind (sub/slave space) to choose whether to consent or not which can happen on occasions when in sub/slave space,it is your responsibility to make that choice for them.. In general,you should know not  to play with someone unless you have gained their EXPLICIT CONSENT from them before hand

7) One exception to that would be when a MASOCHIST is so high on ENDORPHINS that they are in a SANE state of mind to judge whether to continue or not again (sub/slave space)

CONSENT is  a necessity before any BDSM activity can take place.  If a sub/slave states NO! then it means NO! It does not mean your instant EGO emerges and says to them YOU WILL DO AS I SAY BECAUSE I AM YOUR MASTER/MISTRESS AND YOU WILL OBEY ME!! I am sorry to burst your HUGE EGO BUBBLE Ladies and Gentlemen but CONSENT cannot be FORCED It is either given FREELY by the sub/slave or it is withdrawn there is no in between.  There is a very fine line between BDSM and ABUSE! and nobody should ever cross that line. ABUSE! should NEVER! be accepted nor tolerated in any relationship be it BDSM or VANILLA!.

It is the same as SUBMISSION! It can NEVER! be forced because if it is then it is considered ABUSE!.

CONSENT is one of the most important parts of BDSM along with SAFE AND SANE! BDSM Must always stay SAFE,SANE AND CONSENSUAL! NO EXCUSES,NO EXCEPTIONS!

               ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

                 ~Protocol~ (Slave Positions)

DISCLAIMER: The following reflects my  own training and will be different than other slave's training of slave positions.  Each Master will create His own protocols such as slave positions and other protocols and will most likely not conform to these.  I have presented this this information as an example of one protocol but only ONE! Dominant and Submissive are not often used although in many cases i feel they would be appropriate.

                                ~Slave Positions~

NADU OR KNEELING POSITION: this is the most basic of all the positions a slave is in most of the time.  The slave kneels before her Master,her head held high,eyes lowered.knees spread wide open,shoulders back keeping her back straight (or arched slightly) breasts thrust outward,her hands lie on her thighs,palms facing upward,some Master's may like the ankles crossed as well.

TOWER SLAVE OR KNEELING MODESTLY POSITION: This is a variation of the kneeling (nadu) position in which the slave kneels in the same way but with her knees pulled together.  The slave's hands typically rest on her thighs facing downward,however any of the hand variations described in the NADU POSITION could also be used.  Some may not consider this a separate position.

SULA OR PRONE POSITION: In this position the slave lays upon her back,her hands at her sides,palms upward,her legs widely spread to await her Master's pleasure

SULU OR RAISED PRONE POSITION: This position is almost identical to the SULA POSITION except once the slave has assumed the SULA POSITION she slowly lifts her hips up off the floor as if beckoning her Master with her body encouraging her sexual use by Him

LEASHA OR LEASH POSITION: This position is used to  attatch a leash.  The slave kneels,her back to her Master with her chin lifted and head turned to the left offering her collar for leashing.  Her wrists are behind her back ready if needed to be snapped into slave bracelets.

In a variation on this position,the slave remains either standing or kneeling depending upon her current position she is in and then turns and puts her back to her Master,her chin up,her head turned to the left so a leash may be attatched to her collar

BRACELETS POSITION: This position is used to put on slave bracelets for chaining the slave.  She places her hands behind her back,her shoulders pushed back,her breasts thrust outward and her hands clasped lightly behind her and ready for bracelets to be placed on her.

In an alternate to this position the slave stands gracefully before her MaSter with her hips slightly turned to one side.  Her back and shoulders erect,her wrists crossed behind her back and her head turnd to the left in anticipation of having slave bracelets attatched to her wrists

KOLAR OR COLLARING POSITION OR SUBMIT POSITION: The slave kneels at her Master's feet and leans her body back sitting upon her heels with her arms extended upward crossed at the wrists and her head beneath them lowered in submission.  This is particularly good in a collaring ceremony

HAIR POSITION: The slave stands,her feet flat on the floor and bows gracefully at the waist,so that her hair might fall forward for display or to be shown seized or used for any purpose that the Master desires

LEADING POSITION:The slave stands behind her Master bending at the waist.  She places  her hands behind her and puts the side of her head to her Master's hip so that He might lead her easily by the hair or collar while walking

KNEELING TO THE WHIP OR WHIPPING POSITION: Turning and facing away from her Master.  The slave first assumes the kneeling position (NADU) though her arms crossed in front of her with her crossed arms stretched out before her.  She then leans forward and places her head to the floor,first sweeping her hair forward over her shoulders in order that her back might be fully exposed to the whip

An alternative for this position is for the slave to cross her arms across her chest and under her as she then lowers her head to the floor,variations as to the space between the thighs and raising the butt up for eaiser spanking position are also available

BARA POSITION: In this position,the slave lays on her stomach face down and turned to the left with her wrists crossed behind her back,her ankles are crossed as well as if for bending

BELLY POSITION: In this position,the slave assumes a face down position,her head is turned to the left,arms at her sides with palms turned up and her legs parted widely

OBEDIENCE POSITION: Giving OBEDIENCE to the Master is as much a series of moves as it is any single position.  The slave kneels (NADU) before her Master then bends forward and lowers her head to the floor,her arms out stretched and palms of her hands pressed to the floor

In another variation,the slave lowers herself onto her stomach on the floor.  She then inches forward remaining low on her stomach and upon reaching the Master's feet. She licks and kisses them afterwards she takes the Master's foot and places it gently upon her head.  She then lowers His foot again to the floor to be kissed.  She then may inch backwards

THE SLAVE'S KISS OR USAGE POSITION:The slave falls to the floor upon all fours and lowers her head to the ground with her buttocks thrust upward and her thighs widely spread,exposing her Butt fully in preparation of the caress of the leather whip against her body

A variation on this position,the slave falls to the floor upon all fours and keeps her head straight,her eyes looking forward with her buttocks thrust upward and her thighs widely spread in preparation for the sexual use of the Master

SHE-SLEEN POSITION: In this position the slave falls to her hands and knees her butt thrust high for viewing and/or her Master's pleasure. Typically,this position is used for Humility training and the slave is made to do her duties using her teeth to hold things and without using her hands as she crawls around on all fours.  She may also be used by her Master sexually or be made to eat from the floor or a dog bowl on the floor

There are many more positions than what's been described thus far,but these are the basic slave positions used by many Master's including mine. However,due to physical limitations to kneeling Master has modified these positions so i may do them more easily.

                ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

                      ~Cleaning Your Toys~

BDSM as we all know describes a variety of activities sexual in nature.  BDSM almost always eroticized by the participants in same fashion

1) Know ahead of time how far you want to go

2) Negotiate safety,including risks related to HIV,HEPATITIS,AIDS and other STD'S

3) Know you SAFE WORD

4) BDSM toys present different levels of risk,know what you are playing with and know the right way to disinfect them

5) Condoms are a a great way to preserve your toys and body

6) General cleanliness is a MAJOR factor

7) Moving objects/toys from anus into the mouth or vagina can cause bacterial infections.  Clean and disinfect toys after inserting them into the anus,vagina or mouth.  When a object comes out of one place clean and disinfect it before inserting it into another place or the body.  Repeat this procedure everytime you use the same object or toy

8) Needles are only safe when used on ONE PERSON!  They pose the greatest risk if shared. It is only common sense NEVER To share needles

9) ONE TOY,ONE PERSON! NO EXCEPTIONS,NO EXCUSES!

10) Plugs,Gags,Cutting Blades ETC should be disinfected between each person.  These pose a great risk if shared without cleaning.  Ropes,Cuffs,Floggers,Paddles present a lower risk,but it is still possible that small traces of the body fluid may be left behiind.

11) GET VACCINATED for HEPATITIS A AND B

12) Find out what the proper cleaning method is for your toys.  Different materials respond differently to disinfectants.  Rinse your toy throughly before inserting into any part of the body as i previously stated.  Disinfecting is NOT 100% and nothing is as valuable as knowing your partner and their history.

                 ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

                               ~Tick List~

A Tick List is something that people find useful in their relationship,particularly in a newly forming relationship.  They can also be conssidered micro-managing by some people.  Whether or not to use one is a personal decision that is up to the participants in the relationship.  A TICK LIST is not going to be of benefit to everyone,but it can have benefits.  Only you can decide if a  TICK LIST would be of benefit in your relationship.

A TICK LIST is a list of behaviors and/or tasks that the Owner wants to change or have completed on a regular basis.  If the commands are not followed then it incurs a certain number of TICKS.  For example: not  wearing the collar to bed, would equal 1 TICK,The TICKS then correspond to either specific punishments,the number of strokes of a whip or flogger,and the time the punishment will last.  It can also be used to incur REWARDS for good behaviors,how it is used depends on the people involved.

A TICK LIST can benefit each person by keeping a written record of what is expected or forbidden and what the penalty or reward would be.  This can be helpful to a new sub/slave who is just beginning training for the first time.  They can be used to point out areas where the  Owner feels improvement is necessary or even the sub/slave feels he/she wants to improve.

For example: Losing weight (as i did,i lost about 100 pounds, i went from 250 to 150) Losing weight can be a goal the sub/slave wants to reach,but requests their Owner's help in sticking to it.  It gets added to a TICK LIST.  A TICK LIST if used properly can point out and increase the frequency of a desired behavior until that behavior becomes habit. For example: the Owner wants the slave to go to bed at a certain time but the sub/slave is used to staying up late and as long as he/she wants to.  In this way, a TICK LIST can help the sub/slave break the habit of going to bed late.

Some people view a TICK LIST as a kind of CONTRACT,In this way it is used to set forth clear lines of behavior and expectations on both the Owner and sub/slave.  For a person who has difficulty remembering everything (For example: someone who's life is very busy)  A TICK LIST can be of benefit by helping them to remember what they are supposed to do.

A TICK LIST can be over used or used incorrectly,this can and will cause problems.  People can get caught up in THAT IS NOT ON THE LIST! and in that manner the relationship is reduced to only what is on the list.  This can and will destroy the relationship by retarding the growth of the people involved.  A TICK LIST can also cause a lack of energy in both people involved.  It can do this by being the only relied upon source of what is expected so each decides they can't do anything differently or new.

A TICK LIST is not meant to be an exhaustive all encompassing thing,it wil never cover every little detail of your relationship.  It is meant to be used as a tool like many other things done in a BDSM relationship.  It is best to only put those things which need some serious change on a TICK LIST.  Remember Ladies and Gentlemen A TICK LIST should be re-evaluated from time to time and things removed,re-arranged or the list done away with completely as necessary.  It is a tool meant to aid in the training of sub's/slave's,not to take the place of the Owners Guidance.

          ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

I have been asked if i would ever consider becoming a SUBMISSIVE and not a SLAVE,and my answer is simple No.I am happier with being a slave in every sense of the title.  I enjoy the STRICT rules and protocols that submissives do not have,and i enjoy asking permission for evrything i do and i mean EVRYTHING! from eating,sleeping,computer time,hanging out with my best friend,talking on the phone,ETC.  I am really not interested in the more laid back aspect of D/s,however there are many who would rather be a submissive and not a slave and that is fine because it  is what they want  to be,but i prefer the whole slave concept,the restrictions,the rules,the APE/TPE..When i was finding myself 11 years ago i researched submissives and slave's and found the life of a submissive was not for me,but the life of a 100% kept,owned and collared slave lifestyle was more interesting and it was the kind of lifestyle i wanted to live.  Everyone is different and every relationship is different,and if it makes you and your partner happy then it's right for you.  Don't ever let anyone discourage you from the BDSM relationship you seek and  NEVER let anyone tell you that what you seek and how you live this lifestyle is WRONG! because that is 100% FALSE!

There is no right or wrong way to have a BDSM relationship or live this lifestyle there is only the SAFE way and YOUR way.  If you are happy being a submissive then it's right for you,and if you are happy being a slave then it is also right for you.  Everyone Should RESPECT Another's relationship and lifestyle and show empathy and tolerance.  We are already criticized from our VANILLA half and told we are FREAKS and Weirdos because they are uneducated and IGNORANT to what BDSM is all about.  There is so much reliable information out there that there is ABSOLUTELY NO EXCUSE! for IGNORANCE but some VANILLA people not all but some would rather pass judgement upon us instead of doing their research and gaining knowledge and getting all the facts before making IGNORANT Comments and FALSE statements what they think BDSM really is which in their mind is ABUSE AND SEX! How so untrue that is.

No matter what you choose to be and no matter what role you take or what relationship you decide makes you happy,be PROUD! of who and what you are and after all we are all FAMILY and should stand by one another,help the novices learn and gain knowledge,show them they are not alone and what they feel and think we with more experince and knowledge have been there and done that and we were all novice's once and know what it feels like to be scared,confused,doubtful and have insecurities.  We need to point them in the right direction and be mentors and help them learn and grow in their submission or slavery before they seek out a Dom/Master  Domme/Mistress.

I am more then happy to befriend a novice and show them they do have a friend and are not alone in this scary but beauitul lifestyle and what they are feeling is natural because we have all been there so we have empathy for them.  God Bles you all,Be good to one another,and if a novice comes to you don't push them away they are looking for a friend and need a  helping hand and guidance.  show them you care and help them understand what they are feeling is natural.If any novice is looking for a friend here and feels alone and scared PLEASE! Message me i will be more then happy to chat with you and try and make you feel less alone and more comfortable and help you all i can :-))

                        ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~ :-))

                       ~First Time Scene's/Sessions~

1) Ue SAFE CALLS If you plan to play at your new partner's home,make sure your SAFE CALL FRIEND has the address and the phone number

2) If you plan to play at your home,DO NOT! turn off your phone.  Use 911 if you have to and keep your SAFE CALL FRIEND'S phone number posted by your phone or have His/Her phone number locked into your cell phone for quicker access.

3) If you plan to play at a motel/hotel or at a third party's home,make sure  your SAFE CALL FRIEND knows exactly where you will be. (If in a motel/hotel make sure He/She has the room number and the name the room was registered under

4) It is a good idea to keep your first scene/session light. I would advise not to let your partner conduct any bondage or gagging while conducting your first scene/session.  If you plan to play with the person again and find you are compatable with one another then after the 3rd or 4th well executed scene/session then it would be SAFE To allow your  partner to conduct LIGHT bondage and gag you,and make sure you negotiate limits physical and emotional in advance to your first scene/session.

5) Make sure you bring your LIMIT WORKSHEET With you and discuss your expectations thoroughly with with your partner

6) Use a SAFE WORD and/or SAFE ACTION

7) Insist on SAFE SEX,bring your own condoms just in case your partner may forget them

8) Above all else make sure no matter what you both do that any/all scene's/sessions stay SAFE,SANE AND CONSENSUAL and JUST relax And have fun.

                    ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master-John~

                            ~First Time Meetings~

1) Always set up the meeting well in advance,so you have adequate time.  Arrange a safety net.  This goes for all parties involved

2) Arrange to meet for the first time during the day in a public place such as a restaurant,mall,coffee shop ETC.  Park your car some distance away so that if the meeting goes badly you cannot be followed away.  Another idea is to take a cab to this first meeting.

3) If you are traveling,DO NOT let the person you are meeting know where you will be staying

4) DO NOT set up an expectation that you will play at the first meeting. My advice to you is NOT to play at your first meeting.. The first meeting is a time to get to know your potential partner as a PERSON not a Play partner. You have alot to discuss such as likes,dislikes,limits (Both physical and emotional). There will be plenty of time to PLAY if you feel you are compatable with your potential partner. Don't rush into PLAYING immediately.  Take your time this is not a race or competition

5) Consider taking along a trusted friend to the first meeting,and also use (SAFE CALLS also called SILENT ALARMS)

                     ~Here Are Some Ideas~

1) Tell a friend (or two) who and where you will be meeting along with as much information as you can muster ( E.G A phone number and address,a physical description,make and model of of car or license plate number)

2) Make sure your friend(s) have an accurate description of yourself including what you are wearing and make sure your friend(s) are absolutely clear about the SAFE CALL PROCEDURE

4) Give your friend(s) a word before hand that you must say to indicate that everything is okay and also a word to indicate you need their help IMMEDIATELY!

5) Failure to say these words in the conversation will indicate to your friend(s) they need to call the police.

6) Arrange to call at specific times to check in.

7) If the phone call is not made on time your friend(s) should call the police IMMEDIATELY So they can be dispatched to your location

8) The police in most cities are familiar and are cooperative with this procedure

9) If an emergency does arise,your friend(s) can tell the police you made this arrangement because you were on a blind date,that in all liklihood nothing is wrong but could they please send a car around (to the meeting place or to your date's residence)

10) BE HONEST! If you feel after the first meeting that this person is not someone you want to be involved with be up front about it (But it's not a necessarily a good idea to do this at your first meeting,go home and sleep on it, arrange to speak to this person the next day

                      ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

I am often asked by people if a M/s relationship can really be a romantic one without becoming to VANILLA.  My answer is YES! it can be.  It all depends on the couple involved and what they have negotiated,disucssed and agreed upon in the beginning of their relationship. Many M/s relationships do not have the LOVE aspect involved it is STRICTLY M/s with high protocol and the slave is PROPERTY to the Master/Mistress nothing more.Take Master and His other REAL LIFE slave that He sees on a regular  basis,That relationship is STRICTLY! M/s and S/M there is no LOVE involved same  thing applies with His online slave's STRICTLY! M/s.However with me there is a romantic relationship involved along with the M/s aspect of the relationship.  Master and i balance it out so threre is not more of BDSM Than LOVE and vise versa.  When i was seeking a Master 11 years ago,i wanted a romantic M/s relationship,i wanted that deep connection between a Master and myself and i found what i was seeking with Master_John.  Depending on the situation and circumstances there will be HIGH PROTOCOL alot of the time.

I will be STRICTLY His slave nothing moreTHE HIGH PROTOCOL could last a day,week,month how ever long Master wants it to last,and no matter the dynamic of our M/s relationship i always know my place and i NEVER cross that fine line between fantasy and reality. I am A SLAVE first and foremost, i am A Partner second.  I have been doing this 11 years so i can read Master very well.  I know when HIGH PROTOCOL is required and i know when i can relax a little more.  I can follow Master's lead PERFECTLY! I should after 11 years, if i can't by now then i have a serious problem and need more training and experience.

So in closing i will say YES! One can have a romantic M/s relationship if that is what is negotiated,discussed and agreed upon before entering into a M/s relationship.  God Bless everyone,Be good to one another and always keep an open mind and heart and remember to always keep it REAL,SAFE,SANE AND CONSENSUAL.  :-))

                      ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

         ~Rules For A Wise Dominant/Master~

1) The sub's/slave's safety is first and foremost.  This includes emotional safety as well as physical safety

2) Communicate- The sub/slave should always know where she stands and made to feel safe and to voice her concerns,needs and desires

3) TRUST- and TRUST WORTHY,If a sub/slave feels she is not trusted,she will always feel she is failing you in some way.  We have the right to be trusted until we prove otherwise.  If you have issues with trust that isn't our fault even though we will do everything in our power to prove to you that you can depend on our words and actions,just as you should do the same.  Complete honesty is a necessity.

4) Punishment should NEVER be administered in anger.  It should always be with a loving hand when you are calm and thinking clearly.  Take a TIME OUT before you act.  Explain why you are punishing and what you expect to happen in the future

5) Admit that you are a HUMAN BEING who makes mistakes.  The relationship will grow along with the bond between the two of you when you can own up to your mistakes and apologize with humility

6) Always encourage your sub/slave to be the best she can be,help her to be a strong,secure,happy and healthy person.  You will reap the benefits as she soars to heights she never thought she could attain

7) NEVER  assume or think that you know all you need to know about being a good Dominant/Master. (You know what happens when you ASSUME!)  Be open to learning and seek out knowledge whenever the opportunity arises.  You have no business taking another's life into your hands until you are prepared to do so.

8) Create well negotiated firm bounbaries, a sub/slave desires order and needs to know that when she crosses a line,she will be consistantly PUNISHED! Always ensure that your sub/slave knows she is valued and RESPECTED by you

10) DO NOT! abandon a sub/slave when you wish to end a relationship.  You have just as much responsibility for her emotional well being when it's ending as you do while you are together

                  ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

                         ~BDSM Overload~

One of the things i have noticed  that many people do with BDSM is get so involved to a point where it is all they focus on.  Their relationship centers solely around BDSM.  Any discussions they have is BDSM related.  This kind of OVER KILL though understandable can and will eventually  wear off,leaving those involved feeling as they have lost their world or lost their feelings for BDSM.  This can lead to very damaging beliefs and they begin to think they are not what they thought they were (I.E. Dom/Master Domme/Mistress or sub/slave) This period of time can become a major problem and break a relationship that  is otherwise obviously perfectly fine.

When you think of VANILLA relationships you think of the many things people have in common such as food,movies,books music ETC.  The focus of the relationship is more on what the couple can do together outside of SEX!.  In BDSM relationships often times the focus centers more on BDSM aspects than anything else.  People lose sight of the VANILLA aspects of theirselves and their partner.  They create a vacuum which eventually will break if they are not prepared for or expecting this breakage.  It can drive couples apart.

When someone tells me they are negotiating for a BDSM relationship (or even play partner) I like to remind them that there is more to both themselves and their partner than BDSM.  I ask them if they have discussed the things they would discuss if BDSM was not involved and often times they tell me NO! I DID NOT THINK OF THAT.  Every relationship has activities outside of BDSM.  Every relationship is a!  These things must be taken into consideration.  During a period of HIGH STRESS (For either partner) Often the POWER EXCHANGE (Though still there) takes a less active role in the relationship.  This is normal and should happen when STRESS hits.  For those with children each partner having jobs and all the other VANILLA type things we have to do,it often becomes just to much WORK to bother with BDSM. Does that mean it is over for the relationship? NO! ABSOLUTELY NOT! Does it mean the people involved no longer are a Dom/Master  Domme/Mistress Or sub/slave? again ABSOLUTELY NOT!  What it does mean in my personal opinion is that quite simply REAL people are struggling with REAL LIFE and must prioritize.  During that time certain things do get put on the back burner and BDSM is one of those things.  For many people even though the POWER EXCHANGE may still be there (it is after all a mental state of mind)  The physical aspect of it may not be as frequent as it once was or as intense.

The best thing to do when this happens is try to figure out where the STRESS is coming from,If it is work related or child related RELAX! when the STRESS LEVEL calms down life will return to a more NORMAL state as well.  Try to find a balance between BDSM and the rest of who you are.  No One is just a Dom/Master  Domme/Mistress or sub/slave,it is part of who they are but there is more to them than that.  Everyone has likes.dislikes,activities they enjoy,causes they feel strongly about ETC,Try to remember this and interact with your partner on those levles as well as the BDSM.

If you reach a point where you feel you are just going through the motions it is a good idea to sit down and discuss what is going on both in the BDSM aspect of your life and the other aspects.  It is perfectly fine in my personal opinion to take a BREAK from BDSM if that is what you feel needs to be done.  Often,it is necessary to take a break especially if BDSM has been a main focus for a long time. A Person will get burned out eventually.  Keep in mind that life is not STATIC nor are relationships.  If you keep REALITY in focus to your relationship you will make it through the trials and tribulations.

                       ~slave_brenda/slave_to_Master_John~

                        ~ Limits Work Sheet~

After each item on this work sheet put YES,NO or MAYBE.  List the NO answers as your HARD limit list.  List the MAYBE answers as your SOFT limit list.  If you choose to use this list have it available at all negotiations with a prospective partner.  Please feel free to copy this and use it if you are meeting a prospective partner and if i forgot anything,you can add it to your list and modify it to better suit your lifestyle.

YES (Interested and willing to do it)

NO (No interest what so ever,not for anyone!)

MAYBE ( Possible with negotiation,time and increased TRUST level

Abrasion

Age Play

Anal Sex

Arm and Leg Sleeves  Beating (Light)

Beating (Heavy)

Being (Blindfolded)

Being Gagged

Being Sexually  Serviced

Biting

Breast Bondage

Breath Control

Branding

Boot Worship

Bondage(Light)

Bondage (Heavy)

Bondage (Under Clothes)

Breast Whipping

Brown Showers

Caning

Ctheterizing

Chasity Belts

Chauffeuring

Choking

Chosen Food For

Clothes Pins

Cock Worship

Collars(Wearing Private)

Collars (Wearing Public)

Corsets (Wearing)

Cuffs Metal

Cutting

Double Penetration

Electricity (T.E.N.S)

Electricity  (Violet Wand)

Enemas

Examination (Physical)

Exhibitionism ( Scene/Session)

Exhibitionism ( Public)

Face Slapping

Fantasy Rape

Fantasy Gang Bang

Fisting

Following Orders

Foot Worship

Forced Dressing

Forced Homosexality

Forced Masturbation

Forced Nudity

Forced Sevitude

Full Head Hoods

Gag (Tape)

Gag (Ball)

Gag ( Bit)

Gag (Penis)

Gas Mask

Genital Sex

Given Away

Golden Showers

Hair Brushes

Hair Pulling

Hand jobs (Receiving)

Hand Jobs (Giving

Harnessing

Head (Receiving)

Head (Giving)

High Heel Worship

Homage With Tongue

Hot Waxing

House Work (Domestic Slave)

Human Puppy

Humiliation (Private)

Humiliation (Public)

Humiliation (Physical)

Humiliation (Verbal)

Ice Cubes

Including Others

Infantism

Injections

Intricate Rope Bondage

Interrogations

Kidnapping

Kneling

Leather Restraints

Lecturing

Lcking