Concordsub

*Not written by me, but I love it and it made me cry a waterfall.

So, you say you got this. You say you can handle me. Well, I wish you luck because at times I can't even handle me. You see a strong girl, I see a girl who can self destruct, at times her own worst enemy. Do you still got this?

You say spread your wings and fly for me..be free girl...come home where it's safe. I say clip my wings because I am a flight risk, wanting to run and hide away from the world in my own safe enclosure. Do you still got this?

You tell me I'm beautiful, that I'm worth the fight, that I'm needed and wanted. I look in the mirror and all I see is a girl defeated, a shattered soul, a girl feeling unworthy of anything good happening to her. Do you still got this?

You say you have good shoes and lots of rope to climb these walls, and the time and patience to climb up and over. I see the pile of bricks and mortar and wonder just how tall I can build this thing before it's not longer able to be breached and taken down. Do you still got this?

You say find shelter in these arms, open yourself, see what others see in you and trust in those feelings. I say trust? Trust that all you say is true? Trust that you are not like all the others? I say you are crazy. Do you still got this?

Do you got this? Do you truly got this? Are you ready for this roller coaster ride of emotions? Can you handle the girl with the fear of falling? Can you handle the girl that will open up just a little, take 2 steps forward then suddenly retreat and hide behind the safety of her wall? Are you the one who will breakdown those walls and make me see the good again, make me believe there is a light in all the darkness?

With that said, I sit, waiting, the invitation open for you to try.

Do you got this?

Moving to NH was about starting over, new and fresh. It was about shaking off my personal stagnation and renewing my growth. Part of that process has been very painful, but some parts have been a relief. Not everyone will make it with you to the end of your journey. That's how it should be. You should outgrow some friends, and make new ones. Some of us evolved after high school, and aren't even remotely the same people we were back then. That is also how it should be. Onwards and upwards! (another lesson I learned is: Don't allow other people's issues/lack of ethics to color your own life. You cannot fix people. Only yourself.)

So, I am looking for a primary relationship which would be mostly dating. I have free evenings and really want to meet a nice, amusing, sweet guy with stingy hands to help me fill them.

I love this writing, so I'm going to paste it here so I have it to read again and again.

Disappointment

Went to my second munch in Concord, NH @ Tandy's Top Shelf. I love the people there, so cool and very warm/welcoming. I am really looking forward to many more to come.

Alright, people... What gives? I just don't get the mentality of guys here in NH. I jut don't get it at all.

Juseppi is my first mentor and one of my oldest lifestyle friends. I have known him about ten years now. He taught me leatherwork, in addition to helping me suss out what I like and don't and how my nature works best.  I am proud to call him 'friend'. :)

I'm here to meet (hopefully) new kinky & geeky friends, and possibly a future play partner and maybe a ltr with a dom. Finding anyone kinky in NH is like looking for a atheist in a neo-con state. Finding a GEEKY dom is like the holy grail.

So, I'm not a gun nut. I prefer archery. I don't like killing animals, just targets. I am a hypocrite though, because I eat meat and wear leather (but never fur).

I love Top Gear, UK. I think the USA and Australian versions suck. But, I do have a crush on that big, burly lumberjack looking dude from the USA show. I've been to car museums in three countries. I would def like to see more of them around the USA. I have a heart-on for Classic Chevys.

I read books, a lot. Less than I used to because I had a life in Paris that kept me fairly busy in the Spring/Summers.

Oh, yeah. I have been living in Paris, France since the end of 2004. I spent almost a year living in The Netherlands (Holland is what Americans call it, maybe you've heard of that region in The Netherlands) near the border with Belgium. It has changed my way of thinking and my outlook on the world.

I'm somewhat bratty until I figure out all the boundaries, rules, and desires of my d-type. It's not that I -want- to be bratty, I just have a deep seated desire to touch the electrical fence and make SURE it is going to zap me. I have had lazy doms in the past who have made rules that were needlessly difficult to follow, but I still followed them, only to see that it made absolutely -no- difference if I did what I was told or not.

I am not a punishment oriented sub. Quite the opposite. I will go to the ends of the earth for you, to hear 'good girl' or 'that pleased me' or even 'thank you'. Likewise for a man who looks at me and says, 'You are pretty' and 'Damn, you look sexy as hell with your hair all messed up and your sleepy sexed up eyes'...

I've been kinky since I knew that boys were different from girls. I've been kink-aware since reading The Sleeping Beauty series in my mid-teens. I've been in the lifestyle actively since finding a great mentor in 2001.

That's all I've got right now.  If you are kinky & geeky, don't mind driving to NH and want to show me around the area, make friends, go for coffee (or whatever shakes your tree), and won't try to recruit me into God's Army... I'd -really- like to hear from you.