closetmonkey

I have just begun to realize that I'm really in a strange kind of holding pattern... flying overhead, looking at a landscape I haven't viewed in a long, long time...  It isn't an unfamilliar one, mind you- but so much has CHANGED!

I feel so old right now.

The last time I ventured into this landscape, I was a handsome young thing who drew the eyes of my elders with appreciation... why do I feel now, they would be gazes tinged with sadness or regret now? That if I drew the looks at all, they would be thinking how I had lost what I must have been once? Or that they would be seeing through me, into the needs and wants that even I cannot seem to grasp yet, much less admit to, or ASK for fullfillment in!

I wonder if I have become what I feel like inside... am I so wily now, that I see through many people? Have I become so jaded that nothing is shocking any longer? Am I truly skilled enough to walk through the paces, and never have a Dominant notice that it is only a well crafted act, a well trained waltz?

OH, what I wouldn't do, sometimes... for that firm hand... that edgy voice... "Don't screw with me, Boy... I know what is in there... and soon, I'll grow tired of the dance, and demand you actually DO the things I ask..."

In reality, the words might be very different, the situation tenfold more unique... but the end result would be the same. He'd know. He'd pretend not to, but not for long. First, go ahead, pretend. Then, serve honestly but... go on, hold back... all he'd need would be to assess... find the buttons... figure out the dance... But Finally, he'd pounce- He would confront me, firmly and without drama- he'd tell me how he was not fooled, and how he knew what I needed. (in that situation, at least... he'd never play ALL his hand in one sweeping gesture. Steps, my friend, little ones, sometimes!)

Then he'd do whatever the situation called for. A spanking might do wonders in one situation, where a good roll in the sack might work in another. Still another could demand pushing the very edge of my physical limits, while some might prefer to break me down emotionally, and then let me rise up again...

Perfect depends on the person(s) involved, you know? Imagination is great, but Reality is a thousandtimes better.