My Life, my sacrifices...
I was encouraged to write my erotics stories here by my mentor but before I share those you'll need to know of me. The lines to follow will be a collective of several ponts in my life that have made me who I am today and why I sit here and cry as I write this to all of you.
Before I can move forward in my journey I must go back, so we may as well start fom Candy's 1st day..sometime in May, 1967
My mother had liked an older boy who was very attractive and wild as hell. My mother came from a really poor family who barely had enough to eat at times, so her life was hard and she was impressionable, certainly by an older good looking young man with one of those pretty muscle cars to speed around town in. Richard was 18, my mother 14.
Richard stayed over at the house as many had done. My mother had an older sister and brother, both who had friends over and it seems my grandmother was quite the partier herself and It is rumored she had to sleep with men at times to feed her 3 children. She was a widower with little education herself and times in the 50's in rural SC were hard. On this particular night I'm told Richard and a family friend had stayed at the house.
Richard raped my mother. My mother laid sleeping in bed and was awakened to Richard on top of her putting his penis inside. Seven months later in December 67, Candy was born a bastard child to a 14yr old little girl.
My earliest years were spent with my mother and grandmother. When I was around 2 my mother met a man, married him and had a baby boy...my lil bro who now stands 6'1" and weighs about 320lbs these days. They were happy, it was the early 70's and pot and free love was abound. A lot of people did things I'm sure they regretted later.
Jack a family friend was a great artist and photographer. I remember one particular painting in his studio that was half of a womans face looking straight into your eyes, but as you looked into hers you saw a mirror image of her in her pupil and in that images eye you saw another mirror image in those pupils. It was a very introspective portrait and it was etched into my mind.
Jack took our family photos so it was never unusual to see him with a camera in hand. Jack liked taking our pictures. Jack told me how pretty I was, everyone always said what a pretty little girl Candy was.
I suppose Jack was babysitting me again, but I'm not certain. Jack babysit for several kids, my cousins, me, a few others too. Nonetheless I was with Jack. We stood alone in his house. Jack asked me if I wanted a dollar. I said yes. Jack asked me to hold "this" and he would give me a dollar. Jack unzipped his pants, pulled out his cock and laid my tiny hand on it. I was 6.
I was so young I didn't realize what was going on. He did this once or twice, never asking me to kiss it or anything. just hold it. I'm not sure if it was a few days or a few weeks passed, but Jack was to babysit me and a little boy named Tony. I had seen Tony before playing at my cousins house. I was dropped off at a motel, the one on the corner of E.Main and Pine. I entered the room and saw Tony sitting there watching TV. What happened next is blurry now, but I was made to undress and Tony was told to get on top of me. Tony laid there looking at me, me looking at him. Jack instructed him to lay this way and that way...then Jack began to take pictures. I remember all the flashes going off. I wasn't sure why we were doing this as it seemed silly, but I did as I was told. I was 6, he was in his mid to late 30's.
Not long after this someone must have seen these pictures as my parents were contacted by the police and I vaguely remember going down to the police station and someone showing my parents the pictures and asking me a question or two. That was the last I heard until Jack committed suicide a few days later. He had shot himself in the head.
Jack had also babysit my cousins at this time, three of which were about my age, Gene being the oldest. I don't know now if this was before or after Jack died, I just know it was around the same time, but Gene asked me if I wanted to play doctor and of course I said yes. Gene took me into the closet and told me to lay on the floor. He touched me between the legs, then he put his tongue between my legs and began to lick on me. I was 6, he was 13. I've not really desired that a man lick me since. I enjoy it, but I never crave it. I wish I did.
Soon after my mom and dad split up. My brother went to live with my dad and I was taken to Greer to live with my grandmother and her new husband. I rarely saw or heard from my mom, and I didn't see my brother for almost 2 yrs. It was a life of solitude for me as this was a very small community called Sugar Tit. There was nothing but cows and chickens out there. I had one friend named Sharon who was as snobby bitch..at 9 I told her I wasnt going to play with her anymore and I walked home, never to return. Even at 9 I was mature and headstrong.
I went to elementary school here and won class queen, I won some other little title as most popular, because boys always thought I was pretty...unfortunately so did men.
Around the time I reached puberty my step grandfather started to come up behind me everytime I went to the refrigerator. He would sneak up behind me, grab two handfulls of my breasts and grope me as he pinned me to the fridge. I didn't know what to do, so I would try to run to the fridge, then outside or back to my room to stay away from him. As time progressed I would catch him peeking in my door at night, watching me sleep. I now believe he was masturbating while he watched me. I started to lock my door at night, but when I did my grandmother asked me why I was now locking my door. I don't know what excuse I came up with at the time. Nonetheless there was some sort of divine intervention and I moved back in with my mother and her boyfriend in Spartanburg.
Oh boy did I think I had moved to the big city back then. I went from chicken coops to a Mall. with an arcade and ...boys. I was in junior high now...and the boys took notice. This was the first time I had really been shown any attention by just the boys next door..and attention they did show me. I went boy crazy. After my experiences as a child it was clear to me what boys liked, and what they wanted. I began to fuck every boy that would have me as I wanted someone to love me and clearly spreading my legs was the way to find that love, right? I was 6 when my innocence was taken, I was 12 when I lost my virginity. By the time I was 17yrs old I had been with numerous boys and men. At 16 I dated a man who was 25.. I was staying high, dropping acid and ended up having a few boys pull a train on me. I didnt care anymore.
Luckily devine intervention stepped in again as I was headed for a life of destruction, no doubt. I was single and pregnant at 17. I left high school 2 weeks into my senior year.
A year after having my first son, I met a man and married him. He was very authoritive and controlling and for whatever reason I liked that. I could tell him all of my fantasies and desires. I liked being able to share those things with him, but as time went on he became abusive. He and I had a threesome with another girl. He played with the girl and left me alone...some time later we did a threesome again...same thing happened. He played with the girl, and I was left alone. It became clear he just saw this as a way to get another girl in his bed. I did not attempt to have another threesome for 10yrs.
I left this man after he brutally beat me one night. I had decided that I could atay and let him kill me, or I could go and take my chances. I took my chances. I went to stay with my mom and her then boyfriend, who had two sons my age I had not met. Two weeks after I left my first husband, I met my second. I still had a black eye when I met Alex.
Alex and I were together 10yrs and have been apart 10yrs. We met a couple one night while out drinking and went to their place. The conversation got around to us all getting in the bed together. She and I went to the bedroom and got in the bed. She no more than touched me and I came. It was really the 1st time a woman had touched me. Her bf came in the room a few minutes later and got in bed. I asked him where Alex was and he says that he'll be in shortly. The girl and I go down on her bf, he pulls my mouth over to his cock and I suck him, lick him. His gf leans in and starts to lick him, and suck on him. He grabs her by the hair, pulls her off his cock and slapped the fuck out of her!!
Needless to say I was freaked out. As they screamed and yelled I got up and went to find Alex. He was passed out on their deck outside. I woke him up, told him what happened and we left. As we go down the road I notice he is getting mad. He pulls down a dirt road into a field and raped me anally because he had missed out on the fun or so he thought.. He tore me that day.
I don't know why I stayed with him, no self esteem, no self worth I suppose. We briefly looked into swinging many years later when the relationship was clearly failing as he was sleeping around while out of town. I wasn't having sex at all and so I suggested swinging as I thought that at least that way someone might attempt to soothe my needs but that never did work out.
However, I will say that during my search for a couple online someone mentioned that they used a crop on their partner and I was curious as to what that was. I was so intrigued, so I investigated it further. You hear of BDSM but it has negative connotations associated with it and that just was not me! Ha, boy was I wrong It was if the skies had parted for me. Things in my life became clear and I now realized why I wanted a dominating male, why I liked being tied to the bed, why when my husband blindfolded me I damn near came from it. I knew now why I wanted the things I had wanted and why I desired what it is I desire now.
Call it fate, call it bad luck, call it whatever you want as shitty as my past was it led me here today, talking to all of you.
Alex and I split up not soon after and I have been single since. That was 2001 I guess. . I looked into the lifestyle and met a few Doms then and even a switch or two but after a while I realized that I was still going for the same kind of guy so I walked away. I was scared and knew I had to change something. It was just all too much way too soon for me. I not only walked from the lifestyle I also walked away from men. With my past behind me I needed to do a little soul searching and see if I couldn't come to terms with who I am and why it is I do what I do.
Some have asked me what scared me off...lets just say this particular Dom pushed a limit. He laid something on the bedside table for me to see and it put me off. It intimidated me a bit. However, it wasnt just that. He had a gf and it was hard to try and see him when I knew there was no future for me there. I had also met another Dom prior to this that played with me and then disappeared...the last person I slept with was a switch, we had great fun on a few occassions but he played way too much with others and that concerned me as I didnt want to end up with something.
All in all it was a collective of events that led me to celibacy...before I knew it one year, two years, three years, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine years had passed. During that time I put on a lot of weight. Hell all I did was sit inside the house, hiding from my past and hiding from living a life. It was a self imposed imprisonment but it gave me a lot of time to reflect.
After 8yrs of celibacy I saw my mother one day and had an epiphany. She was extremely overweight and I looked just like her. I knew in that moment I had to take my life back and so I am. I started working out and lost 25lbs in 6wks, another 25 over the next few months. To date I've lost 50lbs. After I lost the first 30lbs or so...Candy went and got laid!!!
After seeing a few men over the past 10 months (all of which said they would spank me and none of which did) I know what I want and its not vanilla and so I searched for the very person I ran from back in 2002. I found him within 5min of looking for him online and he told me o. Sooooo here I am...howdy ya'll!
I want to learn, I want to grow and I want to experiment. Hell I want to be tied to the rafters, covered in wax and made to cum for days! are you fucking kidding me?? I've done nothing but fantasize and masturbate for nearly a decade! I don't think there is one scenario that has not been played out in my mind a thousand times. I've not done much one on one in a long time, but I tell ya I don't know what there is I wouldnt be willing to try...well ok there are a few things. lol.
With that being said I'm battered and bruised. I've been used and beat and I'm jaded. I don't trust men in general and I know a player when I see one. I'm shy, sarcastic and I wear my heart on my sleeve. Dont ask me to do a threesome, with you 5 minutes after you say "Hi" its not going to happen. Do not dare ask me for pictures and do not ask me to meet you in a parking lot..even thoug I have been known to do it. LOL. Do not contact me if you are not serious about where we could go. Do not judge me, least ye yourself be judged.
Where I am now...I have spoken with one of the Doms I met long ago. I call him a mentor, but its really not even that. His situation is the same...attached. We've spoken, we've discussed fetishes and the intent is to scene and do all the delcious things we have discussed, but we have not and may not, who knows. So for now I will search in hopes that I find my "One". I need a strong hand and a gentle heart. I need to be built up before you can ever strip me down. Someone who understands the psychological aspects of BDSM, D/s and this lifestyle in general and someone who knows how to care for and nurture a broken down girl.
candy
