The interesting topic – Dress Code. And I’m not talking uniforms (lets save that topic for another day!! Hehe).

As a submissive female in a somewhat D/s relationship, I had a general dress code set for me by x bf J. I’d be interested to hear what others feel about this topic – do others had a general dress code, or is the only basis to their “clothing choice” task activities the more specific and random choice of outfit for a certain day or occasion??

For me, every day that I got dressed, x bf  was in my thoughts – this is the reason, from his point of view, for having this situation. I should always had the onus of feeling owned – to a degree – in my mind and in my thoughts.

I emphasise “to a degree”, because I don’t want to come across to people as a doormat. I’m not. I had my own mind, I know my own mind, I will stand my ground for what I believe, when our lives exit “the scene”, we mentally challenge each other, it’s one of the reasons we work so well I think.

Anyway – back on topic. Dress code. The “rules” of my attire, unless specifically requested to wear a certain thing or had tasks that require certain items of clothing, are:-

For work, or for going out anywhere really, a skirt or dress must be worn at least 3 out of 5 days (for working week illustrations), and on those days, stockings must also be worn. (J is a big fan of stockings). On days I choose to wear trousers, I must wear a more low cut or revealing top. And for footwear, I should always wear high heels of at least 4 inches, and I must wear 5 inch heels at least 2 days a week.

Any deviations from this was supposed to be agreed with my x beforehand if possible. With the exception of circumstances when heeled footwear is completely inappropriate for what I am doing that day. And any requests for deviations will usually would be met with alternative requirements to make up for it.

And yes, I probably used to have a reputation at work of being a slightly slutty dresser – but frankly, who cares, it did not affected my job, nobody (especially the guys) has any real complaints about my clothing, and more importantly, I actually liked how I dress – whether I dress for me or dress for J, I like it dammit, and that’s what is really important, isn’t it?

Moving on, all of that was just explaining my usual attire before talking about my attire for few months back, so it was more in context.

few months back, my x decided that things should be raised to a slightly higher level due to the lack of tasks the previous week due to my exams, and also just as proof of my subservance to him, which is needed in D/s relationships every now and then, pushing the envelope just to prove willingness.

So outfit was specifically set for me, a very short black skirt, sexy black RHT stockings, with the tops only just covered by the skirt, but not by much (an inch or two below max), my black 6 strap suspender belt, a black fitted blouse that is tight around the breasts, revealing a little breast and cleavage between the buttons, and a pair of my 5 inch black heels. Following on from the previous Friday’s raid of my underwear drawer, underwear was still not yet an allowed luxury for me.

A bit sexy and slutty of an outfit for work, but upon getting to work and checking my e-mails, there was a message stating that I was to wear skirts all week, and the skirt I had on was the longest skirt I was allowed to wear, the rest of the week must be either equal or shorter in length. A thought that filled me with both a thrill and the nervousness of knowing that a skirt shorter than this one would certainly be a little daring for work, especially with stockings underneath.

Tuesday went fine, a skirt of a similar length, with fishnet stockings. And I once again spent the day trying to avoid “revealing situations” wherever possible.

Wednesday was a little more revealing, following an early morning phone call from J inviting me to lunch as he’d be near my work. He suggested I wear seamed stockings for him today. That’s when things went a little wrong – I don’t necessarily mind wearing seams for work, but I try to avoid short skirts when I do, so I asked him to reconsider and I’d do anything he asked in return. It was fairly blatant disobedience on my behalf, so I shouldn’t had been too shocked at his reply. His answer was simple – no. But punishing my disobedience meant he requested a specific skirt of mine to be worn, one a tiny bit shorter than Monday’s, with a slight split in the back.

I selected my highest topped stockings and tautest suspender belt and put the skirt on. It covered the tops just about comfortably, but the split was far too revealing for comfort. I must’ve spent fifteen minutes in front of the mirror tugging on the back of the skirt, hoping it would somehow end up longer. After giving up on that hair-brained idea, I used my time to try and work out how to stand and sit and walk with the least showing as possible. I came up with two main thoughts – don’t walk upstairs in front of anybody, and try to avoid having anybody look at the back of my thighs – impossible when in seams, they just draw attention to that exact area!!

This is where the honesty thing kicks in – I could change, and just put the skirt on at lunch time for my date with J. Not my style though, if you’re not going to do something properly, why bother doing it at all.

Simply put, there was a lot of attention drawn by myself Wednesday. Glances, lingering looks, guys talking, girls talking in whispers. The worst part of all – I actually loved it all, and as the day wore on, I ended up spending more time enjoying the attention and less time trying to hide my assets.

I know – I’m weird, and such a total slut! But hey, I am what I am, so what you gonna do!!?? Lol

And yes – he did get his daily blow job during our lunch date, just for those who wondered!!

If you think Wednesday was bad though – Thursday was kind of worse to some degree. My car was in the shop Thursday and Friday, so I had to train and bus the journey to work, and J was picking me up at the end of the dafy. So he took the opportunity. I had a pair of 6” heels – which I can walk in , but can’t drive in. No driving needed Thursday. The cogs in his head must had been working overtime! So the outfit was set, I could lose the stockings for the day, but my added requirement for that was that 6” heels must be worn.

So that was my outfit for Thursday – a short little flowy skirt, my 6 inch heels, and as the norm for this week, no panties. Luckily, the weather wasn’t great on Thursday so my coat spared any issues with skirt length while outside. But the heels once again garnished attention, a few whistles and such. I felt so beautifully slutty though, my heels giving me a mix of vulnerability and power as only high heels can.

And that was a week of slutty clothing tasks. But an enjoyable week overall – and it earned my underwear back, so I must had done quite well. :-)

Source:[http://www.askmen.com/dating/vanessa_100/111_love_secrets.html

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Does She Want To Be Dominated?

First things first: This is not an article about whether or not your woman is into S&M; that's something you probably already know. This is an article about whether or not women enjoy being submissive within relationships and during sex, and what you can do to encourage her to let you have control. Sound like something out of June Cleaver's world? It's not.

Although today's women are more aggressive than ever before in most spheres of life, from the workplace to the homefront, men generally remain the dominant ones in the dating and sexual arenas. After all, many women are still wary of making the first move, and expect men to initiate conversation and risk rejection by asking them out. Furthermore, many women expect men to make the plans and pay for dates. And we all know on whom the burden to initiate sex falls most of the time.

This fact pushes many men and women alike to wonder whether or not equality is really what women are after. Wouldn't true equality imply that women make the first move, and wine and dine their men just as often as the other way around? Why do the same women who demand equality also expect you to open the door for them?

you're the man

Despite the fact that we are perfectly capable of doing things that were once thought of as strictly being the domain of men, such as becoming senators and unscrewing the lids on jars, the simple truth of the matter is that most of us still want to feel feminine when we are with our man, the same way that you want to feel masculine.

And the smarter women among us have realized that this can only happen if we let go and let you be a man. And this goes for all stages of a relationship.

the power of seduction

Chances are that when you want a relationship with a woman to become intimate, you turn on the charm and do your damnedest to seduce the pants off her. But in order to be seduced, a woman must lower her defenses and allow the man to work his magic on her. Thus, seduction itself is a form of psychological domination in which the woman gives up control of the situation to the man.

But do women want this dynamic to be taken into the bedroom by being physically dominated as well? And how do you make her willingly submit to your every whim?

submissive type

If your lady is generally the submissive type who's easygoing and expects you to make many of the decisions within the relationship, then she may prefer being submissive in bed as well. Perhaps she prefers when you initate sex and take the reigns under the sheets. For instance, she may like it when you hold her hands down in the missionary position or give her soft-spoken instructions. The only way to find out is by gauging her reaction during sex and talking about your preferences with each other.

That is not to say, however, that this same woman doesn't want to initiate sex, as well as be on top from time to time, or forget any type of power issue and just go with the flow. Even a woman who tends to be on the bossy side may like to be submissive in the bedroom every now and again, and let her man be the dominant one.

under my thumb?

It's important to keep in mind, however, that women who don't mind relinquishing their power in the bedroom and in the relationship are doing this consciously; they are willingly abandoning themselves to their man's desires and letting him call the shots. This does not make them weak, intellectually inferior or less deserving of respect than men.

Interestingly enough, the best way to make her accept your being the more dominant one in the relationship is to treat her like an equal. The more you try to keep her under your thumb and treat her in a blatantly sexist manner, the more likely she is to fight back to assert her power.

If you treat her with respect and understand that her female brand of intelligence is just as valid as your own, she won't ever feel the need to assert her power, as it will be understood.

That's right: Treat her as an equal and she will happily submit to your wishes. Why? Treating her as an equal shows that you're so confident in your masculinity that you're not threatened by a smart woman. And confidence is a huge turn-on. On the other hand, blatant sexism on your part will be interpreted as weakness and insecurity, which are the ultimate turnoffs for women.

she's always a woman

Unfortunately, too many men simply don't understand that the concept of equality does not mean that we want to be treated like men; it means that we want the same courtesy and respect that is afforded to men to be extended toward us.

Respecting women's intelligence and treating them like women should not be thought of as mutually exclusive ways of thinking. Deep down, we want to be taken care of and be your woman, but we don't want to feel that you're putting us beneath you.

So, if you want her to let you be her man in all your glory, and steer the relationship both inside and outside the bedroom, treat her as your other half, no more and no less, and she'll willingly submit

submissive type

If your lady is generally the submissive type who's easygoing and expects you to make many of the decisions within the relationship , then she may prefer being submissive in bed as well. Perhaps she prefers when you initiate sex and take the reigns under the sheets. For instance, she may like it when you hold her hands down in the missionary position or give her soft-spoken instructions. The only way to find out is by gauging her reaction during sex and talking about your preferences with each other.

That is not to say, however, that this same woman doesn't want to initiate sex, as well as be on top from time to time, or forget any type of power issue and just go with the flow. Even a woman who tends to be on the bossy side may like to be submissive in the bedroom every now and again, and let her man be the dominant one.

under my thumb?

It's important to keep in mind, however, that women who don't mind relinquishing their power in the bedroom and in the relationship are doing this consciously; they are willingly abandoning themselves to their man's desires and letting him call the shots. This does not make them weak, intellectually inferior or less deserving of respect than men.

Interestingly enough, the best way to make her accept your being the more dominant one in the relationship is to treat her like an equal. The more you try to keep her under your thumb and treat her in a blatantly sexist manner, the more likely she is to fight back to assert her power.

If you treat her with respect and understand that her female brand of intelligence is just as valid as your own, she won't ever feel the need to assert her power, as it will be understood.

That's right: Treat her as an equal and she will happily submit to your wishes. Why? Treating her as an equal shows that you're so confident in your masculinity that you're not threatened by a smart woman. And confidence is a huge turn-on. On the other hand, blatant sexism on your part will be interpreted as weakness and insecurity, which are the ultimate turnoffs for women.

she's always a woman

Unfortunately, too many men simply don't understand that the concept of equality does not mean that we want to be treated like men; it means that we want the same courtesy and respect that is afforded to men to be extended toward us.

Respecting women's intelligence and treating them like women should not be thought of as mutually exclusive ways of thinking. Deep down, we want to be taken care of and be your woman, but we don't want to feel that you're putting us beneath you.

So, if you want her to let you be her man in all your glory, and steer the relationship both inside and outside the bedroom, treat her as your other half, no more and no less, and she'll willingly submit

I have been waiting a long time to write this post. This has actually been on my mind since I first started my blog. I wanted to write not only about my experiences but ask thought provoking questions and touch on different topics to do with BDSM. My blog to me is not just a diary of my experiences- I want it to touch people and make them think. I want to hear others opinions on things as well. I have to say I am glad I waited until now to discuss submission because I honestly only realized about two months ago what submission truly is. Excuse me if I get long winded, but as I said this has been on my mind for a long time and it is something I am very passionate about and I want to take the time to truly explain myself. I know a lot have an issue with the word "gift" when it comes to submission so that is why I put it out there. Is submission a gift or not?


I understand there are many outlooks on what submission truly is. I can only state what I think submission means. I'm not speaking for every sub or Dom out there. I have come across many now in the lifestyle and I have received completely different answers from every single person on what submission is. I don't think there is a right or wrong answer- I think we all just see submission from a different perspective. That is why there are so many different dynamics out there between Doms and their subs. Also that is why I think it is so important to find one that views it the same way as you or else you could end up in a situation that makes you completely unhappy or even hurt.


I think there are two separate parts to submission. There is physical submission and there is mental submission. I think the majority only focus on the physical aspect of things. Not saying there is anything wrong with that- just that most of what we do is only physical submission. Like open play at a dungeon- that is just physical submission. A lot of us participate in this and I'm included in that. It can be fun but that to me is not true submission- that is just play. Physical submission is not what drew me to D/s in the first place. Honestly I think it is much easier for someone to submit physically than mentally- look at it as superficial submission. Sorry if that upsets some but if you think about it- it is. It's much easier to find a play partner- say I like this, this and this and my safeword is _____. I like being called slut and I like humiliation and hair pulling. That's mechanical, it's superficial, to me that is not true submission- that is just fun. Anyone can call you a slut and humiliate you as long as you trust them enough to play. You go through the motions- check off things on a checklist "oh, he pulled my hair, check. He called me a dirty little slut, check. spanking, check." They're only giving you what you want physically. They don't know the reason behind the things you like- just like if they were to punish you for not following directions- they're not punishing you for anything but to correct a physical error. It's not because you did something to disappoint them- it's not mental at all. I know a lot like it just that way and they don't want it to be anything besides physical- but not me. To me it seems it is much easier to submit physically to someone. Plus- so many out there are in the lifestyle for just that reason that the true meaning of submission is forgotten.


I talked to a Dom a while back and now that I think about it- it makes sense. He had said that all the subs he came across that came into the lifestyle in their mid 20s tend to be more serious about D/s- it's more of a mental thing- about connection. Where as women who are younger just tend to go for it from the beginning and don't think, are not wishy washy on if they are truly submissive- they just go! It makes sense for two reasons- one: more hormones when you are younger so it's more of a sexual connection than a mental connection and two: I think girls at a younger age are less sure of themselves and think if they do whatever a guy tells them to do, dresses in skimpy clothes- is kinky and out there- people will think more highly of them. They think they have to prove themselves worthy. As women age, or just people in general, I think the older you get the more self aware and secure you become. So the older you get it becomes about more of a mental connection than just physical. So when you enter D/s as an older person- it's a question of whether you want to give up mental control instead of if you just want someone to be rough with you and call you names. Needless to say- that is where I am at in my life and that is how I personally view submission. I'm not just in it for physical gratification- if I was I would submit to anyone! No- I am in it for more of a mental connection- I have to trust the person and respect the person to submit to them. When I first entered the lifestyle I tried just the physical aspect of things and it was not satisfying at all! I met with play partners I hardly knew- just knew their kinks and they knew mine and we played and that was it. No mental connection- just physical- it was boring as all hell.


I'm not into D/s for the reason a lot of girls are into it. I have come across numerous girls that are in the lifestyle because they think they don't deserve respect and should be treated as a sex object. They don't have self esteem, they have been taken advantage of in their life and think they are less than. That is not me at all. Yes I have been taken advantage of in my life and for that reason have some self esteem issues but I don't view myself as less than- I know I still deserve respect as a person. Let me clarify- I'm not saying all subs have self esteem issues- not that at all, but that so many do that Dom's I think are so used to it now. Myself- I'm not in the lifestyle due to self esteem issues or because I think I'm less than. I know I am a person and I am equal with everyone. I'm not stupid and I don't "need to be put in my place" as a woman. I am very capable of taking care of myself and want to take care of myself. I am very independant- I'm not looking for someone to make every decision for me because I can't think for myself. I have a brain and I use it. No- I am in the lifestyle for different reasons. I submit because I enjoy that feeling. Instead of feeling less than when I submit- it gives me strength knowing I am making the decision to let another take control. I like to know I can please by doing what they ask of me. Knowing I pleased them and no one else because I gave them my trust and respect and let them take control. It takes two for the D/s dynamic to work- so I do believe that submission is a gift. But I also believe dominance is a gift as well. The submissive willingly gives up control and the Dominant willingly accepts the control. As a Dom you can't make someone submit just as a sub you can't make someone take control: it's a choice by each party. So it takes both the Dom and the sub for the dynamic to work.


I'm not looking to be degraded- I'm looking to please and for guidance, understanding, respect. I want to connect with one I look up to, trust to make good desicions for both of our well beings, one I can ask advice if I need it- not one that just likes to be in control of everything cause they're on a powerr trip. One that treasures my submission as much as I treasure their decision making and confidence. I talked to a Dom once that said he expected his sub to only care about his pleasure and nothing else. If his sub thought about her pleasure her mind was in the wrong place because she was not thinking of his pleasure first. He wanted to be thanked when he called his sub a dirty little bitch and when he punished them. This to me sounds like someone on a power trip. First- I'm sorry but it's just not my thing to be called a dirty little bitch- or be put down. He asked me "has anyone ever called you a bitch in a good way?" How can I view that as being a good word in any way? This is the definition of bitch- a lewd or immoral woman. A malicious, spiteful or overbearing woman. You want me to thank you for calling me a lewd, immoral, malicious, spiteful woman? How can that be viewed as good in any way? It can't be! So why would I want you to call me a bitch let alone thank you for calling me a lewd, immoral woman? Sorry, I think more highly of myself than that and would hope you do as well. Just as why would you want me to thank you for punishing me for doing something wrong? I can understand saying I'm sorry and I learned my lesson but to thank you for the actual punishment? No- I have standards. Just because I'm submissive does not mean I am in any way shape or form less worthy of respect than any Dom is- I am willingly giving you the control and trusting you to cherish it and take care of me- just as I cherish your control and take care of you.


Now back to the difference between physical submission and mental submission. As I said before physical submission is much easier and less deep than mental submission. With the trust that this person will not hurt you physically and a safe word- you're good to go. You have that safeword as a safety net- you can stop at any time. But when it comes to mental submission- that is a completely different type of submission. It's on its own level. I don't want to compare it to love because I don't think you need to be in love in order to submit mentally to one. But I think they both take a lot of the same aspects in order for it to happen. To submit mentally you have to trust that person completely. You have to be open and communicate with that person, you have to respect that person. Sorry to say it but yes- submission is a lot like love in the regard that it takes more than just a physical connection for someone to submit mentally. You have to be willing to let that person in, become close to the person, get to know them and what makes them tick. That takes a lot of energy and time and willingness for both parties. To me it is not fufilling fo just do something because someone tells me to. I want to know why. I want to know why and how it pleases the person, what is on their mind while I am doing it. I want to know the thought process behind things. Would it mean more if lets say someone were to get a bouquet of lilies and they had no idea they were your favorite flower? They just happen to guess and chose your favorite flower? Or know that the person went out and knew your favorite flower was lilies and went to a couple different florists to find liles knowing you would be ecstatic because they remembered it was your favorite and took the time to search for them? It's the THOUGHT behind the action that is most rewarding- not the action itself- am I right? I think so. So of course it's more rewarding knowing why and how someone wants you to follow their rules.


I would like to know how others view submission- do you view it as a gift? Or are most only interested in the physical aspect of things? Or do you think women should submit because that is their place in life? I really am interested in hearing others thoughts on this topic. Feel free to comment- please I love comments!