BrightEyes0509

Well here I am again, in the place between, being a submissive or being a Domme. I know in my heart that I will always have a submissive nature.

Until a few months ago I am not sure I would have second guessed myself. It was after my last relationship I was told that maybe I should look deep inside and see what it is I am really seeking.

Here is what I have concluded at this point and time.

1. I am submissive, I enjoy an unusal amout of kink and pain in the bedroom.
2. I also have a side of me that likes to have a lil control not alot but some.
3. I have a very gentle and loving side of myself, aside that needs to be nurtured and guided, not guided with a steel hand, or a strict list of rules, but with kind words, and positive motivation.
4. I want to find some one who can love me for the woman I am, the woman who wants to be his domestic goddess, smiles. I enjoy tending to the home, cooking, and making sure he is completely taken care of.

I love my job, and want to work outside the home, I want to contribute to the home, I don't want to be shared, or asked to share what is mine. Therefore a poly household is totally out of the question.

I am not even sure if my deisre to be with another woman is still all that important to me, because I believe there is a Man out there who can fulfill every one of my desires.

I have no doubt that I had that very recently and because of my inseciruty, my very low self esteem, and the over bearing need to be the complete center of his world, I ruined it, and made his feelings for me stop dead in there tracks. I need to find a way to never do the things I did then, in another realtionship.

So yes I am truly a work in progress. I am insecure, scared and lonley. In all that I have a great job, a wonderful place I call home with my best friend and her two little girls. I don't doubt they love me, yet I feel less than I guess I should. I feel alone, and that scares me.

So after reading this and knowing where I am mentally, and you actually finished reading this then maybe we can talk. I make no claims as to what I am or what I want...I am just living, and trying to figure out my life.

Bright_Eyes