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| As long as you aren't "chubby" and are only "sort of" fucking insane feel free to stalk me on FaceBook/brettstout1979. Howdy, my name's Brett and I'm a dork. And, probably like most dorks I'm smarter than you are, but I'm also probably a bigger ass than you are as well. The trick is to combine the two Smart+Ass and you will get the real me. In truth, I'm just a simple man trying to make sense of this crazy world. I drink cheap crappy beer like PBR which has turned me into a drunken philosopher of sorts. I'm a night owl artist and writer, so usually I'm getting something creative done at three in the morning and I usually sleep late. Charles Bukowksi once said "Never Get Up Before Noon" and I try and adhere by that philosophy. I'm pretty abrasive sometimes, but I make up for that by being able to fix a lot of siit (like clogged Yeti drains) and knowing a lot about vaginas (I've studied them intensely in paramedic school) and world capitals...lol. I've been bitten by a shark and have some pretty rad scars that I compare to other people's scars and try and "out scar" them. I probably also sometimes act like a fucking idiot and try and impress random ladies with them as well! I wrote and published an insanity filled book called Lab Rat Manifesto. It's also for sale in India and Australia, which is pretty global rad. I don't really care about money so you can read it for free on Google book search if you so desire. I live at the beach therefore I go to the beach and I surf as well. I only eat once a day, which I trained myself to do at times when I have been extremely poor. I've been to every state in America. I like people who use the words "rad" or "plethora" in everyday conversations. I like to bowl and I even have my own ball (that I stole from the alley). I like people that got beat up or made fun of in high school, they usually ended up the most interesting adults. I fear and hate the government and most other "authority" figures like cops. I have a foot/nail fetish for some reason, so having nice feet and nails will get you hit on, or if I screw that up like a high five or something. I like giving and receiving the truth at all times (like if a girl asks me if she looks fat I will say what I truly think) which makes some people dislike me and I can't fully figure out why. I have a thing for benevolent pretty nurses. Gingers and midgets freak me out and I detest them! I enjoy quoting Point Break when I've been drinking. I like the dictionary, if one were so inclined to read it in full they could have entire conversations that no one but them could understand, and I think that's pretty cool. I think that you should have to take a test or at least fill out a form to have more than one fucking kid! I like saying the word "fuck" a lot if you haven't noticed. I have a low tolerance for stupid people and their childish bullshit and drama. I like fucking with people's heads and pushing their buttons and seeing how much I can get away with before they tell me to "fuck off." I like the original ideas behind punk rock. I'm a starving artist with white trash tendencies and I'm fine with it. I screw when I can; which isn't often. My lifestyle choice is nothing revolutionary by any means; but it's me and I like it! I finished college before I was 30, just like I said I would, and I was contemplating moving out to California and hunting Bigfoot, but then the economy crashed and I felt the need to make a difference in society so I decided to graduate from college yet again, putting Bigfoot on hold. I'm a Paramedic now, so if you want me to start an IV on you or decompress your tension pneumothorax by stabbing you in the chest with a needle I can help you out, if you trade me some tropical flavored Skittles or a backscratch or something rad like that. I like the fact that I'm certified to make out with people, and I'm pretty sure I can't kill anyone even if I do it badly. I don't want to divulge too many of my dirty little secrets, so that's all you get for free homosapiens.
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