blucollarkitten

why does this site have to be so full of fucking trolls, i swear i hate humans

omg people....what is with your selection of pictures? do people not realize how horrible the pictures are on dating websites? why do people use blurry or sideways or just god awful pictures of themselves?

if your going to lamely take a picture in your bathroom using a mirror, then turn your phone around, use the mirror to look at your phone's screen, and then shoot the pic without your phone or the mirror in the actual picture *sigh*

feeling more and more lost everyday that goes by

i try to cope with life, but all i want to do is cry

Bows and flows of angel hair
And ice cream castles in the air
Feather canyons everywhere
I've looked at clouds that way

Now they only block the sun
They rain and snow on everyone
So many things I would have done
But clouds got in my way

CHORUS
I've looked at clouds from both sides now
I've looked at clouds from both sides now
From up and down and still somehow
It's clouds' illusions, I recall
I really don't know clouds at all

Moons and Junes and ferris wheels
The dizzy, dancing way you feel
When every fairy tale comes real
I've looked at love that way

Now it's just another show
You leave 'em laughing when you go
And if you care, don't let 'em know
Don't give yourself away

CHORUS
I've looked at love from both sides now
From give and take and still somehow
It's love's illusions, I recall
I really don't know love at all

Tears and fears and feeling proud
Say, "I love you" right out loud
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds
I've looked at life that way

Now old friends are acting strange
They shake their hands, they say I've changed
Well something's lost and something's gained
Living every day

CHORUS
I've looked at life from both sides now
I've looked at life from both sides now
From win and lose and still somehow
It's life's illusions, I recall
I really don't know life

I've looked at clouds from both sides now
From up and down and still somehow
It's clouds' illusions, I recall
I really don't know clouds at all
I really don't know life at all

lol so ive been accused of being a tranny and then a fake today, i dont know which accusation makes me laugh more, or if the person who did the accusation is trying to be rude, or is just an idiot, i guess either way it makes me more proud to be collared by someone who truly cares for me. sucks to be all those who threw me away or abused me.

grows ever so much each day..i actually found myself randomly jumping up and down at work today out of pure excitement..i know, im a dork

i find myself becoming happier and happier as the days go by but my goodness march 2nd wont come fast enough

2 hours of sleep...couple plane tickets bought.....i cant even lift my arms im so tired..but u know what...i dont remember ever being so happy

losing my mind, 1 day at a time

should anxiety hurt? why does it feel like this....

is it possible to have a nervous breakdown quietly and slowly over several days? i dont know how long i can keep it together any more feeling this way *sigh*

this is what ugly hate really looks like... which i received in an email earlier today *sigh* such a waste of time:

NMranchCPL:

ever get tired of feeling alone even when ur with people? ever feel like ur other half isnt quite the 1 and u dont know what to do about it? *sigh* i dont even know where to find my happiness anymore, its left me stand here sad and tired and full of empty....

is it love when 3:30 am rolls around knowing u have to get up at 6:30 but u just cant leave his side?.......

i'm finding it harder and harder to smile as each passing day goes by and i still haven't found what i'm looking for.

some say i should stop looking and it will just find its way to me...

but what if i find that to be so untrue,

that i couldnt sleep at night knowing i didnt give my best trying to find what i need?

where does 1 go from here.......

do you ever feel like your sitting in the middle of the ocean?

the waves keep going up and down relentlessly never ending?

the moon shining bright down on u and u relize thats ur only company?

all there is to see is the endless shoreless horizen and the black deep sea?

some people can just keep swimming...content with whatever direction it goes...

some people...like myself...will sink soon without the glint of help from the 1 they love

i dont want to be alone anymore.

so i guess ive been accused of looking for the wrong thing on this website, and love is not something i should expect from a dom..that mindless fucking and abusive whipping is what i deserve unless i move on to a vanilla site...well guess what im looking for my god damn soul mate who just happens to have a collar on my neck and owns me. but i guess thats too much to ask for.

Who do you think you are

running 'round leaving scars,

collecting your jar of hearts,

and tearing love apart,

you're gonna catch a cold

from the ice inside your soul

so don't come back for me,

who do you think you are

All of your ways and all your thunder
Got me in a haze running for cover.
Where we gonna go from here?
Where we gonna go from here?

ok for some reason people are misunderstanding why i am here. let me make a short list of why im NOT here:

im NOT here to be ur milk slave

im NOT here to be ur pain slut

im NOT here so u can make urself feel better by bossing someone around via internet

what i am here for:

u have to be willing to be a real person in my life outaide this website or yahoo or text messages

u have to understand who i am and willing to accept that

u have to see that im looking for a lover not just a fighter

if you cant handle the lists i just made, then u wont be able to handle owning me

what do u do, when ur heart wants something, even if it knows it will hurt?

what do u do, when the perfect someone comes along, sweeps u off ur feet,

     even gives u a peice of their heart, but cant stay?

what do u do when ur soul is in a tornado of emotions, and u want to just go along for        the ride, but u know if u dont make a decision ur just going to crash and burn?

i know what i want....but can i handle the rest?

day 1: i bounce around happily, feeling secure and loved knowing i found the owner who makes me feel alive and wanted, he scoops me up and pets me, listening to me puur my happiness into his loving arms as i cuddle up...pure bliss

day 2: i feel wanted and desired, i wake up with u on the mind, we make lots of plans for our future, i give u my all, my time, my story, i let u in, i go to bed with u on my mind....u make me feel alive and myself in every way

day 3: i wake to find myself alone,  the warmth of ur body still lingers and ur scent fills my nose as i sniff around looking for u, i happily pad down to the kitchen and find uve already left for work without saying good bye, feeling a little sad i wander the house waiting for ur return. it becomes late, but i know ur working..so i go lay down and fall asleep hoping..

day 4: i awake to a cold house, i feel a strange feeling of being lost and alone, i pad down stairs with my ears low, listening for any sound, trying to find ur scent, but it doesnt come to me, i feel confused and unsure of where uve gone or why ur gone...or when ull be back

day 5: i lay on the floor at my bowl, food uneaten, water drying up...uve made no motion to come back or contact me to explain...i feel unwanted and used....i meow quietly wishing the door to open and to see ur smiling face again and to be petted and loved....

u never came back......

i have feelings,

im a real person,

if u want to own me,

plz understand this and.....

dont take the time to break me