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I am strong minded, intelligent and self-reliant. I am also passionate, sensual, emotional, sensitive and loving with a wicked sense of humour. People tell me they are drawn to my inner light, that I am a good friend because I listen, and that I am fun. I can also be sarcastic, unsure of myself, shy, and self defeating at times. I have been told I am high maintenance. Like that is a bad thing! I do not fit into boxes easily, and just when you think you know me I might change! In other words, I am human, perfectly imperfect with flaws and edges.
I do not believe that to dominate someone you need to hurt them, either physically,emotionally or soulfully. I believe control should be given, not taken. I think there is a subtle , but distinct difference. I do not need to be broken, trained or remade into the image of what someone else sees as perfect.
I have alot of self respect and I value me. I like who I am. I also value others and treat them with respect and I expect the same treatment in return!
I love to meet knew people and there is always room for more friends in my life but please do not expect me to immediately open up my life to you. For me that is a slow process involving trust and time. I am only looking for friendship on here. I enjoy chatting and sharing views but am not going to call you Sir and kiss your feet because you tell me you are a Master.
I am here for down time as I live a very active, busy life. I am here to enjoy light banter and share views and friendship. I am not on all the time, but as life permits.
I know what I want from this site is different from many others, and that is a good thing! What a boring world we would live in if all of us were the same! Kinda like if there was only one book in the library!
take care, essence
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Dear Journal,
I am writing to you, so I have in black and white, my thoughts and promises and when I feel myself weakening I can read what I wrote and gain the strength I need or the gentle nudge of reminding me, who I am. The hardest part of my journey for me, is letting go. Knowing when to let go and when to hang on. What is worth keeping and what isn't. I have this huge need to help, and if someone needs me the need can consume me. It can over power my sense of personal need. It can make me make me try to be someone I am not to fill that persons need. Sorta like a camillion who changes colours to blend. It takes a great amount of courage for me to stand up and say "I need something you can't give me. I am not happy", whether it be a friend or relationship, because that means hurting someone, and that kills me. Usually, I feel I was more invested than them, and allow myself to be hurt because I saw things in a different light than they did. I have even done things to make the other let me go, or end the friendship, because somehow I feel that is easier. Most times I do not realize this till after the fact. It is sad because I loose them from my life and it hurts me too. Deeply! So in light of acknowledging this in myself........I have made promises to me for this new year.
1. I will only allow people inside me who make me feel good about myself. Not everyone deserves space.
2. I will invest in my own happiness. I cannot change my need to please and help, but I can take responsibility for my own behaviour and reactions to others actions.
3. I will only allow others to rent a space inside my soul, if they are invested and not just visiting. I will be proactive in this awareness, and avoid people that could hurt me if I do not feel I am strong enough to be around them.
4. I will value myself. I will value what I bring to a relationship and I will not allow another to devalue me in my own eyes, as only I give another that power.
5. I will put my baggage away and not allow the past to hurt my future. My past made me who I am today, but like old photographs best kept tucked away in an album under your bed.
6. I will allow myself to be happy with who and what I am at this moment. No more waiting for that 'If only...moment'. smiles......Enjoy and revel in today!
7. I will only share my light,as anything less than that is a betrayal of myself and all I hope to be. All of this I promise myself, knowing I deserve this, and knowing I am the only one who can give myself thi |
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soft whispers against soul skin
heart beats, shouting loudly
golden thread invisible, steel strong
wrapping, entwining, pulling inward
shivers of knowing, stroking softly
elusive, tangible,touching deeply
inner light, beacons flashing
calling, forlorn with need
waiting for the one that hears
............soul calls |
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