blakejsmith on Collarspace

blakejason


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	---"Expect nothing, prepare for anything"--- Updated 05-10-11 Disclaimer Spammers, One Liners, and those sending out bulk/form emails will be ignored. my place in the world. It's been an interesting couple of years. i've gone from believing the only way i could truly be happy is to be collared, owned. i've grown a bit, for better and worse, and although i know that i still have a great urge to serve, i don't need it to be happy. Nor si i need that absolute control over my life. i know i'm meant to serve in my life, whether it be through work, or in a personal relationship, but i don't need it to be on the "ON" state 24/7. i'm perfectly happy serving with the chance arises, and not needed a 24/7 relationship to do so. This is not to say i won't welcome something more intense, but i'd have to play that by ear. my outlook i believe in total honesty, as i'm horrible liar, and the guilt trip kills me. i do not need, nor want a perfect match with all of the interests we have. Thus being said if we do not share complete common interests or if there is something that you do not share or i do not share, thats okay. i do not expect you to share each of my interests, no do i expect to share all of yours. i am however open to trying just about anything once. (even willingly) i do not deny to have my own convictions and beliefs, nor would i ever want to loose them. i also do not deny not to be a doormat. This is not to say that i am not submissive, as i've felt this need before i could even identity what D/s was (going back to the age of 5) but what this means is when i do serve, i do not just serve with my body, i serve with all my being. i'm open to whatever may come of the situation, without expectations of the outcome. At first contact i have no expectations of where it will lead, only an open mind of the possibilities. i promise to you, whatever the outcome is, whether it is a "no thank you", a few e-mails, friendship, perhaps more, i will always respect you, never try to hurt you, and won't disappear on you unexpectedly. A Note On Interests It seems that sometimes a relationship may not even get of the ground if there is even one interest that is a hard limit for someone, or a dislike. On that note, it is my belief that as a slave an order, activity, or interest, even if i may not like it, i will comply or complete it. i believe that through this it is more important than the singular item, but adds that much more to the relationship, the dynamic, something that was not there before. Sometimes an order, can be the difference between staying within a relationship, or not. Notes About Nothing i do not believe that there is the "perfect match" out there nor what i want this, for this would be boring, always knowing one another, and no friction. i will do what i can within the relationship to keep it intact, to keep it alive and living. i search within the relationship for areas that i can personally improve on, that will make both the relationship, and the power exchange dynamic that much stronger. i've found that communication is vital, and i never want the fear of asking a question, whether on not i like the answer. about me i'm down to earth, looking to know before i love, in other words, i believe that relationship should be built on friendship, and "love" should come naturally. "Expect nothing, Prepare for anything". i love to laugh, love to cry, some may say "what!?" to this, but i believe that the two extremes balance each other out well. There’s nothing better than watching a great comedy, followed by a tear jerker, or a great action flick followed by that immerse drama. i like extremes, the "work hard, play harder", this is not to say that i like to party, but is to say when i do have free time, i enjoy going all out, doing what i want to do, what I enjoy, and when i'm working i am focused on what i need to do. i'm a bit of a homebody, and have tried to make my home somewhere I want to spend time, that is have things available at home that i like to do. i'm probably one of the biggest movie buffs you'll ever meet, and my family gives me a hard time that with the line "You want to come over and watch a movie", i'll actually mean it. Who i'm Looking For Right now i'm looking for at least friends. It may sound silly but in the end sex is great but your stuck with that person 98% of the other time outside of bed, makes sense to actually like them, care for them. Best friends first, lovers second. i've found that in order to play or serve with someone i first need to make a connection with them. i am not one for one night stands or casual play partners. At that point its just physical, which does nothing for me. It may take longer to achieve, but i value that connection greatly, both emotional and physical, as well as the trust that comes along with it. As for D/s relationships. i'm a bit open at the moment to how much involvement is wanted on a daily basis. As mentioned before, i am quite submissive, love to serve, and am loyal to those whom i am serving, but the intensity, from play partner, to a TPE relationship remains to be seen. There is much more i have to say, so feel free to drop a line. Promise i won't bite. (well not yet) My Personality & Interests I love new experiences- There isn't much I won't try at least twice. (Just in case something went astray the first time around). I have a mild case of cerebral palsy, affects dexterity on the left side of my body. Though I'm able to do just about everything normally. A couple side effects include extremely ticklish (torture- hate it) and a extremely high pain tolerance, which again allows me to experience tons of different things. Though I wouldn't consider myself a pain slut, I can just handle it. I love to cook, was probably my first hobby (starting when I was 3) getting pretty good. Though I don't like cooking for one person. Can bake as well. (famous for chocolate chip cookies) Decent at cleaning. I have an insanely strong right hand, and love to give massages, find it relaxing, I find nothing better than a long talk and massage for a couple hours (can massage for 3-4 hours straight without getting tired). I absolutely love movies, I get teased about being a guy that will take a girl home to watch a movie, and actually watch the intended movie. My apt looks more like a movie theatre lobby than anything, with framed posters, nacho machine, and air hockey table. My spare bedroom is a dedicated theatre with a 100" screen theatre seats, 7.1 surround sound, and popcorn machine. I am a bit of a nerd at heart, working in IT, though not too much into modern video games (hard to play with the one hand). I like to travel though don't need it to be happy, and my favorite times are those spent with friends and family, usually with meaningful intellectual conversation. I don't much party these days, though once a year I through a halloween bash, which has turned into a kinky function. I have lifestyle friends though am not currently active in any local groups. I'm not afraid to host functions, as I've hosted my friends weekly for the past 4 years. As well as I'm getting pretty good at planning parties. I'm a bit quiet but very open. I have some TG desires from a very early age, but at this point in time do not plan on surgery or hormones any time soon. Perfectly happy with who I am currently. I consider myself very supportive of my friends, and always try to make sure that their needs are met, though making sure mine are as well. I'm not easy to anger or jealousy, rarely raising my voice, and taking pleasure in the successes of those I care about most. I try to make a point of taking interest in what matters most to those that are close to me, sharing interests, and being supportive. I've been told by many that I'm easy to get along with, not many people I come across that I have troubles striking up conversations with. I'm extremely non judgmental, meaning just because I'm not into it doesn't mean its wrong, and everybody is entitled to their own life, their own opinions, their own paths. Whatever works for them. Most would describe me as happy and go lucky. I can be serious when need be, but most of the time you'll find me with a smile on face and laughing when at all possible, keeping the mood light. This section has been many odds and ends, bits and pieces, glimpses of what makes me, me. I hope it helps, as its who I am outside of the lifestyle, no lists, no kinks, just real pieces that make up who I am. Feel free to contact me, whether it be to comment on what I've said in my profile, or journal, strike up a conversation (which I love by the way) or just to say hi. One never knows what to expect next.... Also if you've read this entire profile (which I know is enormous), thank you for taking the time and interest! ~blake ---"Expect nothing, prepare for anything"---

11/24/2011 8:44:08 PM

If I haven't written you back, it's on my to do list.. I have several people that have sent me heartfelt messages, that I need to write back. Will get to it this weekend, promise!

Blake

10/3/2011 7:00:52 PM

The pursuit of happiness. I was asked recently what exactly makes me happy, what makes me tick. Why I want to be in service, what is the allure for me. Why do I want to serve. Connections to other people comes in first. Although I live alone, I find my mental health is much better if I'm around people. Even better if I'm able to build an emotional connection to others. Service comes to mind also. Typically I've found myself volunteering or getting jobs that include customer service. I've found recently though that being on the front lines, at least in the call center environment is not the healthiest place for me to be. So I'm going to be working towards some additional certifications that should in essence double my income. This will also take me off the front lines and put me in an admin position in the IT world. Though with this done, the customer service aspect will not be there. It should reduce stress on the job, though. I'm hoping that some of this service can be made up in a consulting business targeted towards those newer to computers who want one on one support. This should give me an opportunity to work with people on an individual basis. Ideally I'd like to be in a long term D/s relationship. If there is one thing I learned from my experience with a good friend of mine it's that my desire to serve is intense. I want a relationship and dynamic that I can commit myself to fully. I find this strange as I can be happy without being in service to another, I can live without it. However it is an extremely good outlet for me. Emotionally as well as spiritually. I find that I do better overall while under service to another. There are other things like meditation, prayer, good intellectual conversation, movies, reliable interpersonal relationships good sleep schedules. These are things that help me get and stay grounded.

5/18/2011 8:07:56 PM

Self Pity

D.H. Lawrence

I never saw a wild thing
sorry for itself.
A small bird will drop frozen dead from a bough
without ever having felt sorry for itself.

I live by this everyday....

4/21/2011 10:15:17 PM

I recently read someone's profile who made me realized I should probably point some things out myself. My own profile has undergone many changes over the years, trying to figure out where exactly I fit in this community, and who exactly I am. It's changed, as I've changed. This section are more notes than anything delving more into my thoughts, what has come and gone and what is still there. Some is from previous conversations, some is just random bits of thoughts captured in text.

The D/s dynamic

There is not going to be one set dynamic that fits every single relationship, you may have your ideal dynamic, as I do, which may change over the years, but that ideal does not necessarily work for each relationship, each person, and each situation. Many years ago I tried to construct what that dynamic would be for me. I've said that my ideal relationship was with someone that I could be best friends with, lover, but with a single look, a single word, the dynamic could change bringing that D/s dynamic to the front. Whenever, and wherever needed. D/s does not have to be kinky, play, a scene, it can be interwoven into the relationship itself. I've always thought of the kinks as tools to facilitate the the dynamic, keep it interesting. Mainly why not every kink has to match up in order for a successful relationship to work. One is never going to get a perfect match in terms of the "list of kinks" each other has. It is much more important to make sure the personality fits, and that you actually enjoy one another's company. Play, experimentation, and pushing boundaries is the easy part of all this.

A Word on SEX, TRUST, and other things that are in the recipe for a relationship

I've said time and again that sex is great it is, but it's only about 1-2% of the relationship. Your stuck with that person day in and day out. I would rather have a solid friendship, rather than just sex. Best friends first, lovers second. For me ANY relationship, wherever it goes, causal, work, friends, or more, starts with trust, honesty, communication, and respect. I've been known among my friends not to keep secrets, and to be as open as it gets. This is a blessing and a curse, as I am very upfront with people and absolutely do not tolerate head games. Sometimes my abruptness makes people feel a bit uneasy, though I always speak from the heart and am honest to a fault.

A Masters Responsibility

In any relationship there is going to be a lot to consider, what I am going to be talking about is something that I have seen through my time in the scene, talking with those I trust, as well as what I have seen online. This is my personal view, and and that is it.

I have seen time and again where an eager dominant wants to get into a relationship, collar someone for their own, and have them serve them day in and day out. Their "property" is just that to them. I've seen the mild to the extreme, from friends serving one another, to those creating a poly household with masters and slaves. A submissive or slave can become attached to the one they are serving, if it is indeed a TPE relationship, than there should be some caution with both sides. If one is to take on a slave, remember that at that point you are totally and completely responsible for the well being of another human being. Both mentally and physically. This is no longer a game, no longer a fantasy. That person depends on you for stability. Depends on you to be both sound of mind and body, healthy mentally and physically. If you do not have your own life in order, how can you expect to be responsible for another's? If indeed this person is living with you, serving you full time, say instead of working. Get an exit plan. Work it. The sad truth is relationships are difficult, lifestyle ones even moreso. Most do not last forever, and when that time comes whether it be six months from now, or six years, make sure that person is set, both financially as well as given resources to move on with their life. If this means education, or certification, great, as long as there is a way for a smooth transition from servant to productive member of society. If you are thinking of entering a long term relationship of any sort, advocate for yourself, know your rights, and know your out. Don't be afraid to ask questions, any good relationship is built on communication and trust. And don't settle. You know your worth, go after what you know you want and need to survive and be happy.

These words may sound that of a cautious tale, but I have seen friends get hurt, as well as been hurt myself. Each person has their own path, these are words of grounded honesty and again only my opinion. I wish not to create arguments so my disclaimer is there.

11/15/2009 12:34:26 PM

In rehab due to broken arm. As I can't use my other arm due to cerebral palsy (doesn't effect life....usually) I need assistance for the next four weeks or so. Welcome to email but communication may be shorter than usual. Blake

8/9/2009 9:59:11 AM

If I don't respond immediately its because of two possible reasons. 1: The whole one liner or form mail was sent to me, and that 99% of the time gets thrown in trash. 2: My health is not 100% both energy level as well as being able to type for long periods at a time, and I have to come to the message at a later point in time. If the message is genuine, and respectful, I will do my best to answer, even if its not imminently. I appreciate everyone's patience and understanding in this matter.
Blake

1/28/2008 12:30:57 AM

Its been said that one can only connect the dots looking forward and not back. As time goes on this seems more and more true. It seems that with every experience, every encounter i grow. i've almost given up on trying to figure out how something will help me in the future, or how something is going to relate to another, it seems fate if there is such as thing has a mind of its own and knows exactly what its doing.

12/20/2007 1:35:00 AM

Just to be clear when i say "Expect nothing, prepare for anything" i do mean it. Every encounter i have no expectations of where it may lead, and i am always open and looking for friends and conversations. That being said, if you do contact me, looking for just friends, or conversation, that is fine, or anything else for that matter, the door is open, without expectations.