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Male Dominant, 24, Everett, Washington
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Dominant Couple, 39, Rome
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Male Dominant, 38, Hamburg
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About birdsong87
Are there any men out there who understand the boundary between a Dominant and an Abuser??
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I have been on this site before, and I thought I had found a Dom and I fell in love with him, but he turned out to be your run-of-the-mill abuser and he left behind a lot of damage. I still find myself yearning for that dom/sub relationship, though.?
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I have been a sub my entire life. I have also had PTSD my entire life as well, but don't let that scare you. I used to weight 220 in August 2012 and I have worked very hard to get down to the weight I am now, which is about 150, give or take a pound or two.?
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I have very few hard limits. I have had little to no training. I am the type of woman that strives to please her Dom. I do not share because I get jealous easy. I also have a defiant streak inside of me that wants to be punished.?
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"Sir" is an earned name. When I have committed myself to a Dom, only then will I refer to him as "Sir" because it is a very deep connection for me.?
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I don't get online much, so here's how to reach me. I have a Kik account, the name is birdsong87 |
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Oh, you gotta love it when you're manipulated and hurt. Are there seriously no honest people left in the world? So, life gets a little hard, you toughen up and move the fuck on. Another layer of protection goes up around your heart and soul.
Maybe I just want too much in a Dom. Maybe I should just lower my standards and do something things that I wouldn't normally do. My hard limits aren't that horrible, are you? No kids, no animals, no pee or poo, no humiliation. Maybe it's the sharing...but is it so horrible to want to be the only one wanted by the person I want?
I just don't know anymore. |
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There's something to be said about the place in your heart your first Dom occupies. With me, it was terrifying, I had been used to being abused without consent for so long while simultaneously having these fantasies, that I ran thinking I sensed danger when it was really safety. I ran to the abuser, ironically enough, and pushed back my feelings for Sir as far as they would go. Things eventually fell apart, my abuser could only pretend he was a Dom for so long, and I found myself adrift the sea of the Lost. I was a sub with no master, no Dom to guide me where I needed to go. I found myself coming here, but no one I talked to could quite catch my interest like Sir did. .I resigned myself to being asexual again, if I try hard enough, I can cut off any emotion, any desire. Then, one day, I got a message. Sir sent ME a message! We started talking about everything that happened at the time I ran and since. He did something I never thought he'd do, he offered me a second chance. I call him Daddy now, and we're working through some things, but I've accepted that I love him. He assures me he feels the same, but my biggest fear remains, what if I can't be what Daddy needs me to be? How do I explain to him that I ran out of fear, not of him, but what I felt for him? |
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A Different Kind of Woman
I keep getting asked to talk about myself. I've never had that opportunity before. I would rather learn about others than talk about myself. As a sub, this should be a good trait. But since so many are asking, I will try my best here.
I am almost 28 years old. Over the past 28 years I have been lied to, manipulated, abused, used, assaulted, and conditioned to not only hate myself but to hate others......and I wouldn't have it any other way. I did not enjoy my life up until now, but I certainly enjoy the person I am now because of it.
I find humor in the oddest things. No one has been able to peg my sense of humor, it's somewhere between gallows and sarcastic. I also enjoy some amazingly stupid jokes. I have brain damage....no joke, I seriously have it. My ex husband abused me by choking me consistently, to near death, and then he would revive me and repeat the process. Over time this deprived my brain of too much oxygen and left a limited amount of damage.
I have no filter because of this. I laugh at inappropriate times, I have absolutely no fear of death, and I can be completely calm in the middle of complete chaos and tragedy. I have been a masochist since I was 8 years old. Pain does not always translate as pain for me, which has given me a very high tolerance for it. I do not shiver in the cold. I cannot stand being burned, it turns me into an absolute pussy, which is why I want to experiment with fireplay.
I know I'm strange, but this is me. I'm an open book, as I said, no filter, so feel free to ask anything you want. But understand this, my trauma and the cause of my PTSD will not be gone over for your entertainment or pleasure. |
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