bibliophile1988

It's been a long day. i'm waiting to hear back on a new job after my interview yesterday. i'm probably not going to hear anything until next week and it's already driving me crazy.

A bit of a personality crisis. Debating with myself as to what i really want in life. Maybe i'm just having a "quarter-life crisis"...who knows.

j’ai pensé à Elle toute la journée, comme d’habitude. This was especially the case  after i read Her entry on . It was all i could do to carry on a conversation with my mom at dinner. my thoughts continued to drift back to Her.

          i ate well today. i had a small bowl of cereal for breakfast; two big plates of salad and some linguine carbonara for lunch; and chicken alfredo and a glass of pinot noir for dinner.

          je suis excité parce que j'ai un entretien au mercredi prochain.

          Maintenant, je m'amuse avec un bon film français: Les biens-aimés.

          je vais marcher au bibliothèque à demain et aussi chez moi. j’ai besoin d’exercice.

          si Elle pouvez me visite à la semaine prochaine, je devrai résister l’envie pressante de me coucher sur le ventre à Elles pieds et Les adorer. 

i awoke thinking of my Mistress. That is nothing new, but i found myself wondering what my days will be like when W/we are in a single Household. When will i awake; what will be expected of me before i must leave for work? What will be expected of me when i arrive home from work? What will be expected of me on my days off? It’s fun to fantasize about, but who knows how it will actually be when that day comes.

i have been excited all day thinking of the even remote possibility of seeing my Mistress next week. i hope that it is able to happen, but i will not be too disappointed if fate does not allow it this time.

i am so anxious to hear something on my job. The last day to turn in applications is tomorrow, so hopefully i shall hear something next week.

i am now finishing my day while watching an enjoyable documentary on the role of graphic artists in social change. It is really fascinating.   

Today was a fairly laid back day until i had to go into work at the library. i was bad and grabbed a quick burger at Waffle House on my way to work. It was delicious, but greasy. my stomach’s been a bit off since then. This cup of chamomile seems to be helping though. i got to walk to work, which felt good. Today was a beautiful day, but i wish it were just a bit cooler (it was upper 50’s/lower 60’s this afternoon).

i found that my thoughts today divided between thoughts of my Mistress and thoughts of the job for which i'm applying. i thought many times of how much i want to curl up at Her feet and worship them, especially when She had mentioned how stressed and tired She was. i wished i could be there to help Her in whatever ways i could.

          i also thought a lot about the job for which. It sounds that there are actually going to be 3 or 4 positions in total: one right now to replace someone who is leaving and the rest in the coming month or two to relieve the staff shortage upstairs. That’s encouraging, since—as far as i know—there are only four of us who have applied or are planning to apply. i got my application and resumé turned in. Now i just get to play the waiting game. i can’t wait for the interview. i’m one of those weird people that likes interviewing. i’m not crazy about the application process, but i feel i can shine once i get to the interview.

Another long Tuesday. Work and classes until 7:00. i didn't get to hear much from Mistress today. i am always sad when i don't get to talk to her throughout the day, but it gives me a chance to be in my head. i love fantasizing about all the ways i will serve Her and all the ways i will worship Her. i'm sure i have a goofy grin on my face as these thoughts go through my mind, but i don't care. i also like to finger the collar around my neck and think of Her.

Great day at work yesterday! i am applying for a full-time position!!! fingers-crossed i get it!

i love my job, soooo much. i can be having the crappiest of days and go into work and immediately be in a good mood. The thought of working there full-time makes me beyond excited.

i finally started my vitamin regimen yesterday, as Mistress has asked me to do. i also got a lot of walking in and some cardio at the gym. i am going to do some yoga here in a bit and walk to and from work later in the day.

Yesterday's afternoon and evening were pretty great as well. i just stayed in and watched French films while getting my laundry done. Productive and enjoyable!

What a day! i had a rough anxiety-ridden day.

It did get better once i got to work tonight, but the rest of the day wasn't great.

Not the healthiest of days, because i ate at the Halloween party at work, but it was delicious.

i got to walk to work through the rain, which was the cherry on top of my crappy day. Work made up for it though. One of the good things about working at the library is that i actually look forward to going to work and enjoy myself when i get there.

A lazy, rainy day spent watching Game of Thrones and reading. i love days off, but i'm definitely ready to go back to work tomorrow.

Also, not my healthiest day food-wise. That's what happens just before payday when there's very little food left in the house.

Still obsessed with the collar around my neck. i keep feeling it and getting a goofy grin on my face. It makes me so happy. It is a constant reminder that i am an owned slave.

Today was my first full day wearing my collar. i swear i kept touching it and grinning like a fool all day. i love that i now have another constant reminder of my Mistress; another constant reminder that i am wholly and completely owned. i love that feeling, it makes me sooo happy!!!

i also have freshly cleaned teeth from my dentist today. Yet another reason for me to be happy. i love going to the dentist and that feeling of freshly cleaned teeth.

i now have one more day to get through before payday. It can't get here soon enough.

This is the best day ever!!! i am finally wearing my Mistress's collar around my neck. i was so excited to come home, look in the mailbox, and see Her package awaiting me. i have been anxiously awaiting this day and am so glad it is finally here. It's not as if i wasn't already Hers fully and completely, but the collar definitely strengthens that feeling. It is comforting to feel it around my neck. i feel close to Her because of it, even though W/we're apart.

Beyond that great turn of events, i had a pretty ordinary day: work and school. i walked quite a bit today around town. i absolutely love this weather!

i woke up today feeling so much better. To the point that i went for a long walk today to my friend's house on the other side of town. It was so beautiful out. Low 60s and sunny!

i was able to sleep in this morning and get caught up on my sleep; which is good, because i don't know how well i'm going to sleep tonight. The roommates are hosting a play party tonight. There was a communication breakdown somewhere along the line and i thought it was going to be Saturday which is why i agreed with it. Monday mornings i wake up at about 5:45. Hopefully i'll be able to get some sleep holed up in my room. yet another reason why i'm ready to get my own place.

As usual i've missed my Mistress while she's been out of town and online less than normal. i feel bad because i was not super accessible this afternoon when she got home and was online. i'm now waiting for her to be online again so i can talk to her. i love Her so much and i cannot imagine my life without Her. i am Hers totally and completely. :)

Ugh...i think i might be getting sick. Achy and upset stomach. i finally got to go to the gym, briefly, but not for very long since i wasn't feeling well. i'm really going to have to make a habit of that.

It's been a lazy afternoon. i've been watching movies and TV all afternoon: Wrath of Khan, Cheers, and now The Munsters.

Anxiously awaiting my collar from Mistress. It wasn't in the mailbox when i arrived home today, hopefully it will be there Monday.

It's amazing how quickly a day can go from empty to completely busy. i was originally only going to have a bit of work tomorrow and no classes, but in a matter of minutes all my free-time tomorrow has vanished. It is a good thing though.

i still didn't manage to get my bike up and going today. Hopefully i'll be able to tomorrow.

i realized something today. i realized how much i enjoy getting to talk to my Mistress. This is especially apparent to me on days like today when O/our busy schedules prevent us from near-constant contact. i realize that she is the first person i want to talk to when i get up--i anxiously await for her to be online on Skype so we can chat--and she is the last person i want to talk to before i go to bed.

Long day with little sleep last night. This will be a short, but hopefully coherent entry. i was rushed this morning and barely made it to work on time. In my rush i wasn't able to air up my tire to be able to ride my bike to work. Luckily i will be able to have more sleep tonight and do not have to get going as early tomorrow.

my Mistress has gotten me looking at toys to start training up my ass and i cannot wait until payday when i can get one. i can't wait until the day when She will be fucking my ass with Her strap-on. That thought will give me plenty to fantasize about when i'm training up my ass for Her.

A nice Fall break spent reading and relaxing, but i am ready to get back to the grind tomorrow. i am looking forward to riding my bicycle to work and getting some good exercise in.

i am also going to be running by the gym after work. i have all this great healthy food for lunch and for snacks. i am loving how good i'm feeling since i've been eating healthier and getting more exercise.

i've just been feeling great in general since Mistress has been in my life: mentally, physically, spiritually.

i am loving my life!

i'm loving that it's Fall Break (a four day weekend, yay!!!), especially because i'm actually having time to do personal, non-school-related reading. i'm hoping to actually get out for a bike ride tomorrow and enjoy this cool weather. i'm also going to have to work on a bit of homework tomorrow.

i learned my lesson last night to be sure i am being as clear as possible with regard to online communications. It is very easy to be misunderstood and to misunderstand online. i am going to be diligently double checking things before sending them now. lol

Just a short entry as i am about to fall asleep. The birthday week that never seemed to end is finally over and i am eating more healthily again. i will possibly be riding my bike to work tomorrow as a way of getting more exercise in.

Also i will be resuming my obsessive checking of the mail again tomorrow, awaiting my Mistress's collar. i so long to feel it around my neck that i find it's all i can think about.

Brilliant weather here! i think i'm going to go for a bike ride tomorrow morning.

Got a few groceries today, so i can hopefully start eating healthily again and make up for my birthday week. It's been an enjoyable week, but i don't think i can eat like that regularly anymore. my body's become acclimated to eating healthily and smaller portions.

i need to check the school gym's hours for Fall Break and see if i can get started on working out while i have a few days off. i'm also going to do a bit of yoga in the morning to start my day off right.

i love chilly fall days, but i'm always torn as to whether i'd like to get out into the chilly air or stay in with a cup of tea and a book. Today i got to get out in it and i decided to walk to work instead of taking the bus. This weather makes it easy for me to get out and walk places. The airs cooler, the leaves are starting to change, rain or shine i love this weather!

my diet has taken it's toll this week, which i blame on my birthday being this week. Starting tomorrow i am going to start eating healthily again. i'm going shopping and will get some more salad greens and fruit and nuts. Weeks like this make me feel bad, like i'm letting my Mistress down. She wants me healthier and weeks like this seem to go against that.

i want to be the best slave i can be for Her and i don't want to let Her down.

i keep fantasizing about all the different ways Mistress will have me serve Her. i love having Her on my mind at all hours, but it tends to keep me in a near-constant state of arousal. Sometimes it's like torture, since i can't do anything about it. 

It's been a beautiful couple of days. Chilly mornings and mild days. Fall is definitely upon us and i couldn't be happier. i've been enjoying beautiful walks to and from school and work. i am excited because i will be receiving Mistress's collar in a few days. i am already Hers totally and completely and i cannot wait to feel Her collar around my neck. It will be a beautiful illustration of her ownership of me.

i awoke this morning to a beautiful rainy day. All that i wanted to do was lie in bed with a cup of tea and read. i was very tempted to call in sick to work at the very least, so i could start my day later in the afternoon; but i thought of my Mistress and what She would expect of me. i need to be getting all the hours i can so that i can save up for a place of my own this is important to both myself and to my Mistress. This is the last day of the pay cycle, so i really need to get in some hours. i also know that She expects me to fulfill my responsibilities. i have tomorrow morning off (and am thinking of taking tomorrow off at my other job, since it's my birthday), so i can manage to go to work and classes today.

i am already confident in the fact that i am my Mistress's--that i am Hers--and that i am truly a slave and not a submissive. And yet, Mistress can still manage to write something that even more strongly cements those feelings. i am comforted by these facts and the stronger i am made to feel them, the more comforted i feel.

i found out today that Mistress has sent me my everyday collar for my birthday. The next days are going to invariably include anxious glances in the mailbox when i get home until it arrives. i am positively giddy thinking about the day--so close--when i will have Her collar around my neck.

Another splendid day (though i didn't get to spend near enough time talking with my Mistress). my birthday is Wednesday and my mom took me to lunch and a play today. i had a great time.

i feel bad because i let my diet slip a bit (this birthday pie is just too good), but my birthday only comes around once a year and i'll get back to eating healthily during the week.

As usual my day has been filled with thoughts of my Mistress. i just love Her so much and enjoy fantasizing about finally being hers in every possible way. i keep thinking about having Her collar around my neck.

What a glorious day this has been! It started out rainy, but lightened up enough just before i was to leave that i could safely walk to work. It was a very calming, almost meditative walk. With the rain there were very few people out and about and i was able to enjoy the sounds of birds singing and the creek beside the trail flowing amidst the sound of the rain falling. i even left early enough to meander slowly through Wilson Park.

This is just one of the many ways i am bettering my life under the sound advice of my beautiful Mistress. Since being with her i have started eating better, i've been walking and meditating more, and starting next week i'm going to start working out regularly (swimming and cardio and possibly some light weight training). i am also planning on including yoga in my routine. i am amazed by the difference i have already begun to notice in my life and am looking forward to seeing how much better it will still get.

i love my Mistress and feel blessed to have Her in my life.

Lately i feel that Mistress and i are thinking the same things at nearly the same time. This morning i was thinking of what i would write in my journal entry today when i read Hers and lo and behold she had written what i had just been thinking about. i am so blessed to have Her in my life. i find myself becoming not only a better slave, but a better person all-around. i am healthier and calmer and happier than i remember being in some time.

my Mistress enjoys torturing me and i love it so much. i was chatting with her on Skype while sitting in my class, taking notes, when she decided to tell me about a fantasy she had had. i am so glad that i didn't audibly moan and that my dick is small enough that my semi-hard-on was not noticeable. i can't wait to discover all the ways she can torture and/or humiliate me. i love Her so much!

i had just the best dream last night. It started with a fantasy i was having last night while talking to my Mistress in which i have finally gotten my own apartment with no roommates and she comes to visit. As soon as she enters the apartment i drop to my knees and beg Her to allow me to kiss and worship Her feet: a privilege which She grants me. For the next couple of hours i kiss, lick, and massage Her feet and suck on Her beautiful toes.

After a couple of hours She orders me to lie on the sofa and proceeds to sit on my face. After some time of just sitting on my face she stands and removes Her pants and underwear and sits back on my face, ordering me to worship Her ass. An order which i gladly follow until my jaw is sore from all the licking.

Finally She stands and orders me to bend of the sofa. She then pulls a flogger from Her bag and proceeds to flog my ass until i am crying out in pain and ecstasy. That was when i awoke.

Needless to say i slept well enjoying this dream that i hope to come true some day.

i made my first mistake last night. i came before asking for my Mistress's permission. my punishment is that i do not to get to cum today. i accept this punishment completely and feel bad for already having slipped up on something so simple. i am trying to be the best slave i can be and mistakes will be made. i know this, but it still upsets me. i will learn from this mistake and become a better slave for it.

i am finding myself more self-assured since i have become Hers. She brings out the best in me. i am taking up healthy habits (some which i had done in the past and had fallen by the wayside and others are new). i am also feeling more confident in exploring my spirituality. i have long been drawn to Paganism and Wicca, but have found myself being inspired by Her to delve even more deeply into it.

i am so unbelievably happy that my Mistress is back home and i'm getting to speak to her on Skype again. i have an insanely long lecture class that meets once a week for almost 3 hours and O/our conversation is helping me get through. 

i am also following some new diet/exercise/meditation guidelines for my Mistress and, although any new habit is hard to get started, i feel that this is all coming very easily for me. i attribute this easiness to my overwhelming desire to please my Mistress.

i got to talk to my Mistress on the phone for a few minutes and it instantly made my day better. It is difficult not getting to hear from her or talk to Her on Skype, but i am making it through and am even more convinced of my total devotion to Her after this time apart.

my Mistress is preparing to go out of town for a few days and will be away from computer. i find that i am missing her already. it is only a few days since i became Hers, but i already cannot imagine going even a day without hearing from her. i will make it through the next few days and i know that O/our bond will be even stronger after this time apart. it is hard none the less. i feel a void opening up awaiting Her return to be refilled. i have pictures of Her i can gaze lovingly at and i can read through O/our correspondence and Her journal entries, but that somehow feels like a poor substitute for the closeness i feel when W/we talk. i love my Mistress so deeply words cannot adequately describe it. i am Hers and She owns me and those are the best, most comforting thoughts. That is what will get me through O/our days apart: knowing that i am and always shall be Hers. 

i feel so very blessed when i think of my life right now. The gods have looked kindly upon me. i cannot imagine my life without my Mistress in it. i long to hear Her voice. i long to see Her show as available in Skype. i long to be closer to Her than i've been to anyone else in my life. She is the first thing i think of in the morning and the last thing i think of at night. i think i sound like a broken record when i say this, but Mistress doesn't seem to mind: i dream of the day when Her collar will finally snap shut around my neck. That will be the day when i enter true bliss.

Every day i fall more in love with and deeper in my submission to my Mistress. The string tied to my wrist serves as a constant reminder of Her. So many fantasies run through my mind. i long for the day i can begin to live out these fantasies with Her. One of my greatest fantasies is of me curled up at Her feet for hours: worshiping and kissing them and serving as a footstool for Her. Today Mistress finally allowed me a glimpse of that which i desire. They are more beautiful than i imagined. They now sit there begging to be worshiped as they deserve. i am so enamored by Her feet that i had to beg Her to allow me to cum while looking at them, even though i am supposed to wait until bed-time. i am so grateful that She allowed me to cum. i only wish i were at Her feet cumming on them so that i could then lick it off, adoring Her.

i feel changed in the best possible ways. Mistress is helping me discover and learn new sides of myself that i never knew existed. i feel myself heading down a new path, but it is the path i should have been on all along. i have always known i was submissive, but i am discovering how deeply i wish to go with my submission, how deeply i *need* to go. This is a revelation for me. i feel a connection to Her like none i have ever felt before. i feel Her inside of me when i'm talking to Her. It is the warmest most comforting feeling i've ever had and i just crave more of it. i crave to be closer to Her than i've ever been to another person. All i want to do right now is curl up at Her feet. That is the place i long to be more than any other right now.

The string is now tied around my wrist and it makes me happy beyond belief. It is amazing that something so small can symbolize so much and move me so strongly. Whenever i look at it i immediately get a huge grin on my face and think about Her. For that is what the string symbolizes: that i am Hers. Every time i look at it or even just see it out of the corner of my eye i think of Her and i think of the amazing connection that has formed between U/us. Every time i look at it i fantasize about the day that it will be replaced by Her collar as the symbol of Her complete ownership of me. Words cannot describe how moved i am by all of this. i long to bow down at Her feet and beg for Her collar. That day cannot come soon enough, but i will be patient the best i can.

It is just such a wonderful feeling to think that i am Hers.

i awoke thinking of Her again. 

She puts a huge grin on my face

just thinking about her. 

i hope to awaken every morning seeing

Her face and hearing Her voice. 

This is something i could get used to.

She enters my thoughts morning, noon, and night.

It seems to me only right.

If She is to own me truly, completely, fully

(which is what i long for more than anything),

She should invade my every waking thought.

i long to spoil Her and pamper Her

and worship Her as she deserves.

i think of Her reading this.

i hope that it pleases Her.

i am not often so moved by the beauty

of One i met only two days ago.

What does that matter?

What is time compared to these feelings?

i embrace these feelings as i long

to feel Her embrace.

i await the day that she will stand before me

and, looking down at my upturned face,

say to me: "you are Mine.

I own you."

What an amazing day! i cannot believe that i met Miss only yesterday on here. The more that She and i talk, the stronger my desire becomes to submit to Her completely. i long to be at Her feet worshiping Her at all times. i am amazed by how much W/we have in common. When i'm not talking to Her, i am thinking about Her. She says she's pleased with something i've said and i feel warm inside. Her happiness is my happiness.

je Vous adore. Tous mes fantasmes tournent autour d'Elle. je reve d'adorer chaque centimetre de Son corps. i long to start at Her feet and work my way up Her body: kissing, massaging, licking. In a word: adoring.

More than anything, though, i seek to be controlled by Her. i long for the comfort and security that only a strong Owner can provide. i hope that i can prove myself worthy of Her time and Ownership. i dream of the day She will lock Her collar around my neck and i will be Hers.

There are no words to describe how happy i am! i think i have finally met the one i've been looking for. i want nothing more than to bow down at Her feet and devote myself to Her.