Did a quick scan of my recent e-mails on here, not sure any of them are worth responding to.   One e-mail, from a user whose account no longer exists on this site, said to me that we were past lovers, and he lost interest in the lifestyle when the Enclave closed down.   Not only have I never played at the Enclave, I only know of ONE person that I met through this site whom I have had a true D/s relationship with.   This person, when questioned, said he was confident it was me.  Now he's gone from this site.  No photo, nothing to find out who he is exactly!   This lifestyle can be a thing of beauty, it can also be a thing of extreme pain.   When your body, mind and soul are craving that ONE THING that no one else can give but THE ONE.    I am ready . .  but is HE?

Sometimes this waiting is unbearable.   But in the end, the reward will be painfully exquisite!

He knows what I want and what I need.   He knows how much I love to serve.   He knows I will wait forever for him. 

It's funny how he can still make me quiver when he's near. 

It has been well over a year since my last journal entry here.  Just wanted to stop in and say hello.   Thank you to all of the Doms who have contacted me.   I am not looking for a new Dom at this time.  

It was a fun time, lots and lots of people, most I knew, and some I didn't know.   Someone showed up who made me smile - he didn't stay long, but I was flattered he fit me into his busy schedule.

The mood was positive, and everyone seemed to really enjoy my artwork.   From what I heard, the wine was excellent - I couldn't taste it - and some of my guests took a bottle or two home!  

Although an old friend couldn't make it, I appreciated the note he sent me.   There's always gonna be a next time!

This evening, I went to a Volunteer Appreciation Party for a local organization that I work with.  We had a bowling party at the DAC in downtown Denver.  Since the alley there is very "retro", we all were asked to wear 50's attire, and I actually found a very authentic poodle skirt!   Awards were given, and silly as they were, they gave me a VAP for the best Stevie Nicks impersonation.  I was so thrilled!   I happened to mention my Halloween "traditon" to someone in the office, and they actually turned it into an award.  Very cool!   My bowling left a lot to be desired, but it was a good time!

I hate my cable provider.   I was out and about all day and wanted to record the Red River Shootout and watch the game this evening.  But my STUPID DVR SHUT OFF AT THE START OF THE 4TH QUARTER!!!!!  So although my team WON, I didn't get that sense of victory I wanted.  I felt robbed.  Next year, I'm cancelling my day and gluing myself to my t.v. for every blood curdling second of college football at it's very best.  No matter who wins or loses, or who gets the bragging rights for the year, this is one of the best rivalrys in College Football.   I always get so homesick for Texas, the State Fair and Fletcher's Corny dogs!!!   I can't wait to see who's gonna be #1 - It'll probably be Alabama, but Texas should be a close 2nd.   I love College Football!

The days are getting busier and busier.  Work, family, friends and volunteering for worthy organizations seems to be taking up all my time these days.   I seriously need a ME day!

Exciting days ahead - a new home, a possible new Master and lots and lots of art projects are keeping me extremely busy!  

Well I am so close to moving day and getting excited, scared, anxious, and exhausted.   However, moving day also brings me that much closer to meeting you Sir, and living out the fantasies we have shared over the past few weeks.  

Sir, I want to thank you for last night.  I am growing quite fond of you, and just hearing your voice, telling me what you wanted me to do, and knowing that I gave you so much pleasure . . . well, the emotions I brought out in me are indescribable.

I am so looking forward to our first real session, and seeing where this is going to lead.  

affectionately,
bella

It's late, but just wanted to let someone know that I am thinking of him, and looking forward to the moment when we can finally meet, and see where these desires of ours will take us.   It's a shame my last attempt to message you was unsuccessful, but I'm so happy you enjoyed my text.   Perhaps later in the week we can try again.   Soon, VERY soon we will meet, and these fantasies will be very real.  

Anticipation:  Bound to your bed, your hand pulling my hair as your strap burns into my soft flesh.  Marking me as your property.     Will you be the MASTER I have waited for?   Will you be the one to tame this shrew?  Restore my faith in MEN?  Soon we will meet, face to face and bella's journey will begin anew.   I am moist with thoughts of you.  WARRIOR . . . MASTER. . . FRIEND. 

All of my kittens are now with their new families.  It was a rough evening.  I'm staying strong just thinking about all the positive changes I'm making in my life. 

Still SMOKE FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Day five - still smoke free!  I'm CONFIDENT!!!

Day four and still smoke free.  One Day at a Time! 

Wishing it was FRIDAY already!!!! 

Today's Annoyance: 

If you make TENTATIVE plans with me, and promise to call at a CERTAIN time, please call and either confirm or cancel.   That will save me a LOT of trouble.  

THANK YOU!

Otherwise, life is GREAT!!!  

HE IS WONDERFUL!  A TRUE GENTLEMAN WITH TEXAS ROOTS (LIKE ME).  WE TALKED, LAUGHED AND LOVED TOGETHER AS OLD FRIENDS.   HOPEFULLY IT IS A START OF A BEAUTIFUL FRIENDSHIP AND MORE. 

MOOD:  HOPEFULLY POSITIVE

Today's annoyment:  A persistent Dom who won't stop e-mailing me, even after I have asked him to stop and told him POINT BLANK I was not interested.   There is a difference between being a DOM and being a control freak.  

I'm sick of Dominant men who think just because I have talked to them once or twice that they can already act as if they are in control of me.   I am uncollared and I intend to stay that way.   

I paid a visit to mem.com this afternoon to view the memorial that was set up for my cousin Ann who died of cancer on Sunday.   While I was there, I also found a memorial for my friend Russell who died two years ago, May 24, 2006.  

In all of the photos of Ann, there was only one where she was not smiling.  The same for Russell.   Sometimes I wonder what God's plans are for us, for He seems to take the happiest, most joyful people early.   Is it their exhuberant love for life that makes Him want to bring them closer to him?   Maybe we should all laugh more, love stronger and live exhuberantly to truly earn that place in Heaven.  

I miss my friend Russell.   He visited me the day of his funeral.   He sat across from me as I lay on my bed in a state between sleep and wake.   He gave me that ruggedly handsome smile, and said something to me.   To this day, I don't know what he said.   Maybe he was telling me to be happy that he was finally at peace.   Maybe he was telling me he'd made the wrong choice when he left me for his ex-girlfriend.   Maybe he just came to say goodbye.  

Ever since he died, I've worked on several ideas for a short story about Russell.   Perhaps someday I'll find the time to put that story together.   I'll probably post it in my blog.   Russell was one of a kind - a true rebel without a cause.  From his 50's style DA to his vintage dress, he always looked as if he stepped right out of American Graffiti.   Opie grown up.  (smile)  

Russell owned two stores on Broadway.   Crown Mercantile and Aces.   Aces sold vintage clothes and jewelry.   Crown carried merchandise that you just can't find in your regular Wal-mart.   Unique home furnishings, imports from Japan ( I still love my wind up sushi)!   But the best thing about Crown was the CANDY!  He had candy that you just can't find just anywhere.   It was funny how his personality shone through every item he had in his stores.   When times got difficult for him, he combined the two stores and maintained his business out of Crown until his death.   Shortly after he died, I took a nostalgic trip down South Broadway and my eyes welled with tears when I saw the for lease signs on the old Crown storefront and the Marquee of the Bluebird Dance hall cried out in bold black letters:  "Well Miss You Russell".   Indeed, we do. 

It was a busy day, and I'm exhausted.  I love journaling, so here I go again.   My head is hurting a little, so I'll keep it short and sweet.   It was nice talking to new friends tonight, and reconnecting with old friends, too.   I hope to have a relaxing weekend, because after this week, I'll need it!   Life is good, but stressful.   I'm hanging in there, like I always do! 

Another week, another blizzard.   I'm a little better prepared for this one, and my car is in its assigned spot.   For some reason, that comforts me, even though I may not be able to get out.   I think it's because I can look out the window, and it's there.  

All the loose ends are being tied up on the new job offer, and hopefully I can go in to work on Tuesday and give my two weeks notice. 

Christmas was nice and restful, but after spending so much time stuck at home, it was kinda nice to get back to work.   I do admit I shed a few tears on Christmas Eve.   I miss the big family Christmases of years past, and the fact that I had to have two separate celebrations with my daughters.   However, seeing the little one opening his presents (with a little help from mom and grandma) and watching him experience his first Christmas was quite a joy!

I guess the only thing that would make my world complete would be a Master to cuddle with in front of the fire!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!!

Friday is a big day for me.    I have my third and final interview with this new company, and I'm very nervous and excited all at the same time.    Friday evening, I may be celebrating!!!!!  

I am ready to being searching again.   Searching for the Master of my dreams.   Soon I'll update my profile with a little more information of exactly what I am searching for.   But in the meantime, I am still always open to making new friends. 

Today my thoughts are with my friend Russell, who passed away in May of this year.     Someone on another site has opened a floodgate of memories.   Russell was unique.  A modern version of a 50's icon - he always dressed impeccably, and his tattoos were legendary!   He was one of the nicest men I ever met, and I always wished that things would have worked out differently for us, way back when.   I have so many mementos of him in my home, and his photo still hangs on my refrigerator.   I'll never forget him, and the fun he brought to my life and the lives of everyone he met.  Handsome, suave, sophisticated and such a clown!   What I miss most about Russell, besides his stores, is the CANDY!   He had candy that no one sells anymore - and purple bubble gum that tasted so good - (though I don't chew gum, I could taste it when he kissed me).  

My daughters said he was their favorite of all the fella's I've dated since my divorce, and they enjoyed his stores on Broadway as much as I did.   Of course, they're gone now, and I'm sure his spirit still lingers on Broadway --perhaps at the Skylark where he'd go to swingdancing - or perhaps in the empty dwelling where Crown used to be.  

Anytime I enjoy the luxury of a "naked nap" -- I think of you, Russell . . . Rest in Peace!    I miss you!!!!    

HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO ALL MY FRIENDS ON COLLAR ME!   

Blonde moment:  What does the blonde do when she goes to the bank to make a deposit, and forgets to endorse her check, and doesn't have a pen?

a)  She uses a crayon.
b)  She runs to the store and buys the fanciest pen in the display, and signs the check over to the store.
c)  She drives all the way home endorses the check and leaves her debit card at home, necessitating another trip back home.
d)  She goes to a gas station and borrows the pen from the counter, because they didn't have any to sell.
e)  all of the above
f)   none of the above

It was such a beautiful day today, and even more so because tomorrow is my Friday, and I have a four day weekend, and a job interview on Monday!   Someone was in my thoughts today, and brought a smile to my face.   I love this new freedom, and the opportunity to revisit old friendships!   Today we can be friends, but who knows what the future may hold!   

Learning to trust again is difficult.   Dishonesty rears it's ugly head.   It's time to listen to the heart.   It's time to heal.   Trust is so hard to build and even harder to maintain.   Who can you trust, if you cannot trust the ones you consider friends?  

Here's the knife from my back - wipe it clean before using it again.    Perhaps someday what is lost will be realized . . . perhaps it never will.  

This weekend ROCKED!!!  Friday night, made a cameo at Rock Island for the close out of our show there.   Then joined my daughter for a few hours of "killer karaoke".   Saturday, was out running around town putting together my halloween costume, when my Texas fella called, and invited me to lunch.   We ended up at the Texas Road House for steaks, then back to my place for "dessert!".    After he left, I got myself all glammed up as the Fabulous Miss Nicks, and headed to the Heartthrob to show off my costume to my dearest friend and sister.   After that, met some friends on Larimer for two concurrently running art shows at Meadowlark and Orange Cat studios.   After swimming in the sea of costumed guests at Meadowlark, went back for more Karaoke.   I swirled, twirled, had costume changes and totally enjoyed myself doing the vast collection of Fleetowood Mac and Stevie Nicks songs, then closed down the bar with my daughter doing "Time Warp".    We then adjourned to Village Inn for breakfast, and what a group we made!   Macho Man, Magenta and Stevie!   Macho Man was a hit (he's my daugter's best fella) and we couldn't leave the restaurant without fellow diners getting their picture with him.

Sunday morning met Mr. Texas for breakfast, then hooked up with my daughter for a visit with baby "blue eyes".    It was a wonderful afternoon, I feel relaxed and ready for another week of work!

Dinner date night!   He's a Texan like me!  Is he 'nilla?   I don't know, could be.   He could be a Dom!   I've loved our talks on the phone, hearing that southern accent melts me like butter.   Just the thought of us two Texans slippin' and slidin' in the snow to get to Cherry Creek on time makes me smile.   Oops, he just called, and he's on his way!  Gotta get goin'!  

HE opened the door, and literally grabbed the front of my blouse and pulled me into the house.   He hugged me so long and so hard, that for a moment, I couldn't breathe.   It just felt so wonderful seeing him again, touching him again, and feeling his lips on mine.

Reunions can be so sweet!    Till tomorrow!